Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with bitterness

Does humanitarian work inevitably leave you bitter?

daelin — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 07:03:50 -0800

My friend is going to Kenya and Uganda to do some humanitarian work this summer. She's afraid that when she returns she'll be disgusted by the shallowness of people's problems and concerns back home, to the point of being unable to relate to anyone. Is this likely, and if so, can it be prevented? Should it be prevented? As part of her preparation my friend went to a talk given by someone who worked as a midwife in Darfur. The midwife spoke about how when she arrived back home, things people would complain about (like, say, bad haircuts) made her furious because they were so disconnected from the far more serious problems going on in the rest of the world. She even told one of her best friends, "I don't give a shit about your problems," apparently. All this worries my friend, who's planning on going into health development later in life; she fears becoming bitter and disillusioned and constantly frustrated after a few years in that line of work.

For my own part, I am obviously not too keen on getting that sort of response if I try to lean on my friend for support after she's gone and come back. But the truth is, it seems that I would deserve it, because the things that trouble my life are pretty petty and insignificant in the grand scheme of things, and I really don't do anything philanthropic at all (well, I give to charity, but I consider that a minimum expectation rather than something significant). Is it best to just accept that that's the sort of outlook - one that seems quite justified - that my friend may grow into, and that consequently she may drift away from me? Do selfish people like me only deserve friends who are similarly selfish?

I'm sorry if this is rather a mishmash of questions; I am asking partly on her behalf, but also on mine. Any advice - anecdotes, correction of my premises, whatever you think would help - would be deeply appreciated. Thanks in advance, MeFi.

Life gave me bitter lemonade...now what?

tastybrains — Wed, 01 Aug 2007 18:04:16 -0800

Why is my lemonade turning bitter? I recently decided to try making some homemade lemonade using the basic recipe I've found on about a gazillion recipe sites ... sliced lemons (1 per quart), sugar (1 cup), ice, water. I take the thiny sliced & seeded lemons and sugar and I mash the crap out of them so there is a nice slushy sugary lemony mess. Then I mix it all up with ice and water. And it tastes awesome.

However, when I leave it to chill overnight, it turns horribly bitter & undrinkable. Mixing it up doesn't help.

Why is this? I feel like it's probably something obvious, but my Google-fu sucks and all I found were metaphors of bitterness and life giving you lemons and that sort of thing.

Is it the lemon peels? Should I peel the lemons before mashing everything up? Or does lemonade just not stay tasty for long?

Help...I really like lemonade & I really feel stupid that I can't make a simple pitcher of lemonade that tastes good for a full 24 hours.

How to be the single one?

Anonymous — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 10:49:03 -0800

What's appropriate behavior in mixed groups of couples and singles? Especially when there's just one single? Am I being petty and bitter? Would trying to address the situation with the people involved sound petty and bitter anyway?

I am usually single, and a lot of my friends and family are not (I'm 27 and female). I'd be thrilled to be in a good relationship but generally I'm comfortable single, and would like to think I'm not jealous or bitter but only mildly wistful towards couples that have good relationships. But lately I was in a situation that was really uncomfortable for me. The situation and my response to it have been really bothering me.

My aunt and her boyfriend were in town and they took me, my cousin and her husband, out for dinner and then a show. There was some walking involved. Both couples walked holding hands, one set walking a bit behind the other. I felt like I was bouncing between them and didn't quite know where to go.

Another time, we went out to dinner where there was a dance floor, and both couples got up to dance a slow song and left me alone at the table.

In both of these situations, I felt really... angry. Surprisingly angry. I felt like they were being inconsiderate. I also felt kind of like a kid with the grownups.

Then I felt kind of dumb and petty. Do they not have a right to hold hands? What right do I have to ask them to behave differently than normal to make me feel comfortable?

Is there an etiquette for mixed groups of single(s) and couple(s)? What are your experiences, as a single and as a couple? Have you felt the same way, and how do you deal with it? Do you ever change your behavior according to circumstances/present company? Is this really just my issue/problem that I need to work through my own inner demons on?

Also, any other thoughts and recommendations on being 'the single one' among couples would be really really appreciated! Thank you!