Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with birth

Push Gift Ideas.

NotSoSimple — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 10:26:38 -0800

Push (Birthing) Gift idea? Wife has hinted and I like to give gifts. What is appropriate? We are about to have our first child in ~2 weeks and my wife has been increasingly dropping small hints at a Push Gift. For those who don't know, they are gifts given to the mother after birth. I like to give my wife gifts for special occasions so this works for me. However I am unsure as to what would be 'appropriate'.

Only jewelry thing she has mentioned in the past couple years is a pearl necklace. Thing is I dont think she would wear it. The other option is a spa day, which I know she will use. Any recommendations?

Etiquette? What's an etiquette?

logic vs love — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 13:34:07 -0800

My baby shower was two months ago and I still haven't sent the thank you cards. My baby is now a month old. Can I send out the thank you cards and the birth announcements together, or is that horribly tacky? I feel terrible about sending the thank you cards so late, but I've never written a thank you card before (Yes, I'm awful.) so I procrastinated out of intimidation. Now that I'm finally feeling normal enough to actually get around to it, it's time to also send out the birth announcements. Can I send out cards that both thank and announce? Or put two cards in the same envelope? Or should I mail them separately, even if they're sent out on the same day?

Bonus Question: Do I apologize for mailing them so late when writing the thank you note?

Will quitting the pill make me skinny again?

Anonymous — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 17:00:44 -0800

Is it OK to stop taking birth control pills without weaning off of them? What will stopping the pill do to my weight? I know that you are not a doctor, or not my doctor. But you might be a woman or a friend of a woman who has anecdotal information to share.

I've decided to stop taking birth control. I have been on Microgestin Fe 1/20 for about three years, but it is causing problems with my blood pressure so I have decided to quit taking it. I did not talk about this with my doctor because I can't afford a visit right now. My prescription is out of refills so I plan to just stop taking it after my last pill pack is gone. I do not need the birth control medication to protect against pregnancy at this time. Is this safe, or do I need to wean myself off of the drug somehow? I know that you are not my doctor but anecdotal advice (stories of what you did when you quit taking the pill) is what I'm looking for. Did your doctor say that you had to wean yourself off of the pill, or did you just stop? I would ask my female friends but I do not really have any that I can talk to about this.

What will stopping the medication do to my weight? I gained about 15 pounds when I started and have since lost about 5. I exercise and eat well but I can't drop those extra ten pounds. Will quitting the birth control make those pounds go away? Where will the weight be taken off? The medication seemed to make my thighs and stomach grow. Can I expect those to shrink, or will I probably lose my breasts and nothing else? Or will I probably gain weight? What happened to your weight when you quit the pill?

Any other information about things that happened when you quit the pill welcome - did your mood shift, did your libido come back or go away - is welcome.

PILL MAKE ME ANGRY

Anonymous — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 11:49:47 -0800

So, I'm trying the Depo Provera hormone shot birth control for the first time. It's been about 2 weeks since my first shot, and I'm experiencing some weird effects which may or may not be related to the hormones now coursing through my veins. So, physically I feel fine. The first day I felt a little woozy, and I have had some slight nausea, but it's the psychological effects that are throwing me for a loop.

I'll start things off by explaining a bit. I'm on b.c. for my irregular and ridiculously painful menstrual cycles. When I was in High School I was diagnosed with an ovarian cyst, and they put me on the pill.

Two weeks into it, I felt more depressed and listless than I ever have before. We're talking serious sobbing spells about absolutely nothing. I stopped taking them and everything went right back to normal.

When I got to college I tried the NuvaRing. It was amazing, I loved it and I stayed on it for a full two years. At the end of that time, my insurance ran out, and without insurance my beloved NuvaRing is $50 a month.

It's been a few years now, and with new insurance that covers some b.c. but not the ring, I decided to try the quarterly Depo shot. I knew it was a risk with my history of emotional side effects with b.c., but I wouldn't know unless I tried.

And... here's the result. I've had a little spotting and occasional slight nausea, but the most remarkable change is in my demeanor.

I am so PISSED OFF! I am not an angry person, in fact most of my life I have been on the timid side, usually avoiding conflict like the black plague. I've witnessed my personality shifting in a few ways recently, but I've been especially surprised by my recent inclinations towards anger. I actually find myself lusting after contentious arguments (see bottom of post for details), and I've almost gotten into a fight with random strangers a time or two in the last week.

Things have always bothered me (of course) but I usually vent with friends or in a journal. Since the shot, however, I've found myself verbally responding in the moment. I've stood up for myself when I really needed to (and at times when it wasn't really necessary) as well as had to fight this ridiculous and persistent urge to "tell off" a few of my friends (namely one specific ex boyfriend) who have been doing sneaky things to me behind my back.

Here's my problem... the timid me who has always wished for the guts to stand up to bullies and the like, and to hold people accountable for their wrongdoings against me, is in conflict with my sensible self who thinks I shouldn't be mean, shouldn't make a scene, and should just rise above.

I've encountered at least two people in the past two weeks who really deserve a good slap in the face/public embarrassment/shake of the fist.

So far I've been able to keep myself from acting on these impulses, instead of confronting I've distanced myself from these people and given them the message to butt out of my life....

but I don't know if I will always be in such great control of my impulse to make them pay!

Anybody got any advice? I'm open to both "Go get 'em girl!" and "Keep to yourself" suggestions, and any in between. Also if anyone has ever had similar anger issues with b.c. or Depo I'd love to hear about it.

...By the way, for a little more detail and because I won't be able to post follow-up, my exboyfriend cheated on me a year ago with his now-girlfriend, and then recently my ex asked me to be involved with a party he was throwing. The job was in-line with my long-term career goals, and I was excited to do it, even without financial reward. A few days after he called me and asked me specifically, because of my knowledge and expertise on the subject, to help him out, I saw that he had asked other people to do those jobs without telling me. When I asked about it, he made it seem as if I was being unreasonable and bratty. I didn't make a big fuss, just said whatever, told him I was pissed and continued living my life. He kept me on his mailing list, however, so he kept sending me invites and inviting all of my friends. I got annoyed, told him to stop, and he did.

Fine. Everything was fine. I didn't go to the party, and felt totally okay about it. Until today, when I opened up pictures from the event and saw that he wrote ZOMB! on the wall behind all of the pictures. I made a film while we were dating called ZOMBZ.

Rip off? I think so. Makes me SO MAD! What should I do?

Natural child birth in LA?

silsurf — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 12:38:22 -0800

Birthing Centers and Midwives in Los Angeles? My wife and I are having a baby in February, 2010.

We have decided we would like to have as natural a childbirth as possible and avoid issues and complications that often arise from chemically assisted child birth. We also want to have access to a hospital setting in case of an emergency.

It appears to us that the only place in Los Angeles to accomplish this is at UCLA Medical Center. Everyone we have asked refers to the now defunct Hollywood Birthing Center and that many of the mid wives from that place are now at UCLA.

It is bizarre how difficult it has been to get some direct feedback about this. I have done a fair amount of research on my own and I thought I would extend an invitation to the hive mind on the topic.

We are looking for guidance, thoughts, help and friendly encouragement on the topic of natural child birth in this City of Angels.

Help normalize my spiking blood pressure!

rachaelfaith — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 13:54:25 -0800

Can you help me not freak out about my suddenly spiking blood pressure? This is related to birth control and anxiety. Also looking for methods to calm myself down in anticipation of a reading. Some history: Have not had any indication of high blood pressure since I started taking birth control 5 years ago- I typically register in at 120/80. I was on Ortho Tri-Cyclen Lo for 3 years and switched to Yaz 2 years ago after some ovarian cysts showed up.

I used to be overweight but lost 45 pounds and am now at what I believe to be a relatively healthy weight [about 5'3", 137 lbs]. I do not smoke and I don't consume caffeine. I don't have a stellar diet, but I try to keep an eye on my sodium intake. I work out around 3 times a week, though college classes are taking a toll on my consistency.

I have had a history of anxiety for just about forever. Panic attacks, avoidance, social anxiety, health anxiety, and so on.

Went to my OB-GYN yesterday for a regular pap and pelvic, they were about to renew my birth control scrip when they mentioned my blood pressure was too high- about 130/89. They waited about 10 minutes and took it again- even higher, because I was nervous. Now I'm told I have to get it retaken elsewhere before I am given the scrip to prove it's not prehypertension or higher.

Of course, I'm now freaking out [over the possibility of HBP, over possibly not being able to obtain my birth control] and my heart's been racing ever since. I took one measure at home of my blood pressure and it was really quite high- something ridiculous like 144/89.

Now I fear that I will not be able to calm myself down enough to get back to normal, much less when I go for an official reading.

Is there any reason my BP would jump so high in a one-month period since my last normal reading? Besides deep breathing, how else can I calm myself down in order to obtain a neutral reading?

Yaaargh. Help!

So damn smug I need my own room.

shiu mai baby — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 07:15:45 -0800

Is it worth it to switch practices just to have a better shot at getting a private room? I'm pregnant, due at the beginning of October. While I'm technically classified as a high-risk on the account of being a diabetic, I've been very fortunate that everything has gone very smoothly so far. The practice of doctors that has guided me through this has been pretty great. I've had a lot of appointments, a lot of ultrasounds, and overall I've been very pleased with the people I've been working with. The only slight drawback is that it is a pretty huge practice, so while I know my main OB/GYN pretty well, there are about a dozen other OB/GYNs whom I haven't met, and my understanding is that, depending on when I give birth, any one of them could be delivering this kid.

Anyway, last night Mr. Shiu and I took the tour of the maternity ward of the hospital (call it Hospital A) that this practice is affiliated with. All told, it's a very nice hospital, and the MW seemed to be a good place to have a kid, with one major exception: they only have four private rooms, and all the rest can be converted to semi-private, if need be. Whether or not you get a private or semi-private room is luck of the draw, and whether or not your semi-private room has another patient in it is purely driven by how busy they are at that particular time. Pregnancy being the unpredictable thing that it is, there's no way to anticipate how busy they'll be when I go into labor, so maybe I'd get a private room, maybe I wouldn't.

And this is really, really worrisome to me (as if I didn't have enough to worry about, right?). The pregnancy has been a bit of a struggle for me, emotionally; like, I'm happy about it, obviously, but I've never been one of those OMG! BIOLOGICAL! CLOCK! women, I kind of hate the majority of twee shit that surrounds pregnancy and motherhood, and I am mortified at Victorian-era levels by even contemplating all the squicky details of the actual birth process. On top of that, I have a weird antisocial streak to begin with, which I can usually hide fairly well under normal circumstances, but I imagine that nice veneer will be thin and brittle indeed after the grueling process of giving birth.

Anyway, according to last night's tour, while the delivery is in a fully private room, you're in there for about two hours immediately post-partum before they move you into the room you'll be in for the rest of your stay. Maybe it will be private, maybe it won't, it all depends on volume on that particular day. Moreover, unless you luck into one of the four genuinely single-patient rooms, it might start out as private, but then you might get a roommate the next day. Can I just say, given all the details of the preceding paragraph, how very, very badly I do not want to share a room with another woman, separated by only a curtain? Seriously, the mere thought of it just makes me panicky. Not only that, but if you're sharing a room your S.O. can't stay overnight, whereas he/she can if you're in the room by yourself.

This morning I called the maternity ward at Hospital B in the area. It's a little farther away from us than Hospital A, but not unreasonably so. A friend of mine who lives in my neighborhood had her baby at Hospital B in February, and my next-door neighbor, who is also pregnant, will be having her baby there in January. According to the nurse I spoke to, the majority of the rooms in this MW are fully private, and they only do semi-private in the rarest of circumstances, e.g. when volume is ridiculously high. Furthermore, at the end of this month Hospital B will be opening their humongous new expansion, and when they do the maternity ward will be taking over the entire second floor, which means even more private rooms. As I said, this kid's not due until October, so things will almost certainly be settled with the expansion by the time I get around to having her.

On paper, at least, it would seem that Hospital B would be ideal. The problem, though, is that in order to have my baby at Hospital B I'd need to switch practices completely. Again, I'm technically high-risk, so this is a little more daunting than if it were a regular pregnancy. I have no idea how practices affiliated with Hospital B deal with high-risk pregnancies (although I'm certain that they do, they must), so I'm completely in the dark there. Since I'm diabetic, I have to be very closely monitored in the last eight weeks, too -- I have to go in for a fetal non-stress test twice a week. It also means that they might induce me early; at the very least, if I haven't gone naturally by my due date they are absolutely going to induce me on that date, because it's dangerous for women like me to go late.

So on one hand, I do feel sort of loyal to my practice, in that they've done a great job navigating me through this mess from the beginning, but on the other, I have major anxiety about sharing a room post-partum. Also, while I really like my current practice, it is, as I said, pretty huge, so I'm not, like, ultra-tight with any of the doctors. And I have no idea what to expect if I went to the other side of the fence. I'm fairly certain I'd be able to get a recommendation for a good doctor from one or both of my neighbors who are connected to two of the practices affiliated with Hospital B, but it's still a crapshoot. They'd probably be able to take care of me just fine, but there's no way to know that without actually pulling the trigger and making the switch.

Neither home-birth nor the crunchier birthing centers are options for me, given the high-risk status. Also, I <3 drugs, and intend to have the maximum amount of painkillers that they'll give me, so yeah, it's gotta be in a hospital.

And that's the conundrum currently percolating in my brain. Any suggestions, recommendations, and been-there-done-that insight would be deeply appreciated.

Lost and confused...

melangell — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 12:56:26 -0800

What can I expect if I go off the pill? Here's a bit of history and some pretty personal details, but, sadly enough, I don't really have anyone in my life who I feel comfortable talking to about this. Anyway...

I have been on the pill since I was 18 and I am now 32. I have never had any issues with it and have always been good about taking it until about six months ago when something just shifted. Now, I have trouble remembering to take it and it just doesn't feel right for me anymore.

My husband and I do want to have children, but the past couple years have been very difficult (family problems, starting a business, etc.) and have left us emotionally and financially drained. It seems that things are getting back on track and we are thinking that in another year or two, it will be time to start moving towards parenthood. I know that there is never a right time (my mother continually harangues me about the fact that I am getting older), but it is important to me for the announcement of a baby on the way to be a happy thing.

We are not the most sexually active couple; my husband does not have a very high sex drive and, while I enjoy being sexual, intercourse has always been painful for me (I secretly hope that having a child will help with this, although it scares me too). The past couple years, we have both pretty much just dropped into bed exhausted every night and cuddled. Maybe this will change since a lot of these difficult situations are getting better, but it certainly has seemed a waste to be on the pill during this time period.

I have never used any other method of birth control (except one time). I don't want to continue with the pill or do the shot because I want to return to a natural hormonal state. I can't tolerate condoms because they are so painful. I don't know what else might work. I also don't know if being on the pill for so long might effect my ability to get pregnant. I also don't know if it is OK to not have a terribly sexual marriage. I just need help. Thank you.

What would it mean if Obama's birth certificate is a fake?

edavidoff — Fri, 29 May 2009 02:01:57 -0800

What would it mean if Obama's birth certificate is a fake? Some loonies are still trying to accuse President Obama as being an illegitimate President because they don't accept his Hawaiian birth certificate as being valid. I don't believe this for a second, but, just hypothetically, what would it mean if it were a fake, and he had actually been born in Kenya or somewhere else outside of the USA.

I don't think he could be impeached, because you can only impeach an official for a major crime committed while in office. Is there anything else according to the Constitution that could be done to remove him?

births, deaths and time

kalapierson — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 11:34:28 -0800

Are global birth and death rates roughly consistent over the course of a day/month/year? (Are there are any clear patterns of daily or seasonal spikes?) It looks like average global birth rate and death rate per minute, as measured in early 2009, are about 261 and 102 respectively. (Numbers based on my casual googling so far; I'll research more, but specific numbers aren't important here, just trends.)

I'm thinking about making an audio installation that would present this in sound (repeating sounds indicating births happening 261 times per minute, other sounds indicating deaths happening 102 times per minute), so people could experience those rates in a way other than just reading the stats.

Although this wouldn't necessarily affect the installation (because its main point would be driving home the ratio of one average rate to the other, not representing the patterns of fluctuation in either rate), I'm wondering whether I can correctly assume those rates are roughly consistent over time. In other words: do some times of day, and/or some times of the year, have significantly more births or more deaths worldwide than other times?

As a layperson just starting to think about this, I'm imagining some factors but guessing they wouldn't matter because the conditions that would make them happen affect only part of the globe (for the seasonal conditions) or only certain time zones (for the time-of-day conditions). However, some regions / time zones have way more population than others. (Possible example: starvation or malnutrition rates rising at the hottest times of the year in a region populous enough where that would matter... or mass casualties following seasonal or geological patterns.)

Should I send a card or not?

tickingclock — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 11:37:51 -0800

Should I send a card or not? So, I just recently accepted admissions to a graduate program in cognitive psychology with a future advisor that I really like (not in the UK, though, in case you remember my previous question). Not only do our research interests match, he is also an extremely kind person that cares a lot about students. I'm very much looking forward to working with him, and I think we will get along quite well.

Well, I just found out that his wife gave birth to a bouncing baby boy just last weekend. I'm very excited for him and his family, and would like to send them a note of congratulations. Would it be appropriate for me to send him a congratulations card, or would that be overdoing it a little bit? If he were my current advisor, I would be sending a card, no question. But as I have never worked for him before, I don't know if it would be weird for him to receive a card from somebody who is technically not yet his student. And, as you can probably appreciate, I would prefer not to start my graduate life on the wrong foot, having made a weird impression on the advisor.

I've already sent him an e-mail. Is this enough? Should I send a card or not?

Cat gave birth 12 hours ago and still seems pregnant

Melsky — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 13:00:45 -0800

Cat gave birth 12 hours ago, three healthy kittens, still seems pregnant (bulgy belly) and seems to be having contractions. What should I do? I adopted a stray cat who was pregnant. She just had her kittens at 4 in the morning, three kittens who all appear healthy and are nursing. My cat seemed fine at first but after she got up she still seems pregnant - like there might be another kitten or two in there.

It is now almost 12 hours later and she just took the kittens from the bedroom where she gave birth to them (she gave birth at the foot of the bed while I was asleep) and she took them to a box in my closet in another room. But she now is purring very rapidly, almost like panting, and she's having contractions, like she's trying to expel something.

My vet is not open right now. There is an emergency vet listed on my vet's answering machine. But is this normal? What should I do? Is there any vets who consult by phone anywhere?

Just to be clear, I fix all my cats but this is one who I found living in the basement of a property I manage and we were going to have to board up her home so I adopted her. She's a very sweet kitty.

Here is a youtube video of her and one of her kittens

Please excuse me for being intrusive, but congratulations!

bitteroldman — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 18:23:12 -0800

My friend was expecting in early March, but still didn't call to announce the birth. Should I call or should I wait? So we're not the best of friends anymore, and I think we call each other once in a blue moon out of loyalty rather than sincere interest - we've grown apart as friends sometimes do - but I value her, and she values me.

The last time we spoke (first week of March), she was days away from the due date of her first child and we agreed that she would call me when the baby was born.

Now I know that they must be busy beyond belief in these first few days, and my friend also suffered from "pregnancy brain" (forgetfulness and memory loss that occurs during pregnancy but sometimes persists a few weeks after delivery) , but I would still like to call to offer our congratulations and support.

Would it be intrusive of me to call? Should I wait for them to call me? Is it still too early? Am I overthinking this?

_{does this count as 4 questions?}

Gift to wife on birth of first child

Blackwatch — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 02:34:55 -0800

Touching and tasteful gift to mark birth of our first child. My wife and I are about to have our first child.
The baby's due date co-incides with my wife's birthday, and I'd like to buy her a gift which will have lasting significance.
I thought about a locket in which she could keep a lock of baby's hair, but can't find any that aren't huge and clunky.
Can anyone suggest a touching and tasteful gift to mark this wonderful occasion.
We live in the UK.
Thanks.

Looking for stats on Cesarean birth vs. Vaginal birth and the effects on our society...

querty — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 15:33:01 -0800

Looking for stats on Cesarean birth vs. Vaginal birth and the effects on our society... Are there studies done on crime rate (or at a prisons) whether or not cesarean birth versus vaginal birth matter? What about suicides?

For example: "Out of 100 suicides, how many of these people were born by cesarean section?" or "At this prison, how many inmates were born by vaginal birth?"

Mainly looking for statistics; crime and suicide related. Country or city does not matter (but North American stats preferred).

Condom Troubles

Anonymous — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 17:23:50 -0800

Proper condom usage - what is leaking out? Is it semen? My female partner and I think we're using the condom correctly, but each time there is something in her and on the condom's outside.

To put it on we close the tip with one hand, roll it down over the erect shaft to the base with the other, making sure there are no air bubbles.

I pull out right after I come, usually after 3 spurts of ejaculate. Today and last time the semen was in the last (near the tip) inch and the tip of the condom (though it doesn't all leak out), and there some "goo" on the outside and in my partner. The goo doesn't really smell/taste like semen, but sort of looks like it. The condom scent and taste sort of overpower everything, making it hard to tell.

We're freaking out about it being a bit of semen, and thus about pregnancy risk.

What else could it be? Should I pull out after one spurt? Is it possible the condom is too big/loose (Durex brand)? Is it just a mix of her lubrication and the condom's?

Not really looking for advice on other forms of birth control :)

Are there any effective birth control pills.

minsid — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 11:12:33 -0800

are there any effective birth control pills out there? 1) Are there any effective birth control pills out there?

2) Does it have any side effects?

3) is it healthy

4) does it work?

PTSD from a traumatic birth?

amro — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 16:04:12 -0800

Is there any evidence that a particularly traumatic birth may have a long-lasting negative effect on a person? Specifically, is there any evidence (scientific or anecdotal) that shows a higher incidence of fear of choking or fear of being unable to breathe or even a higher incidence of generalized anxiety in children or adults who had the umbilical cord wrapped around their necks at birth, compared to those who were born under less traumatic circumstances?

I'm not suggesting, of course, that anyone would remember the feeling of having the cord wrapped around his neck. I'm just wondering if, subconsciously, that sort of trauma can remain with a person and influence the person they become.

What does "time of birth" really mean?

sjl7678 — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 17:52:22 -0800

What is the official, medical definition of a newborn's "time of birth?" I'm working on a small statistical analysis relating to childbirth, and I'm wondering what the official "time of birth" of a newborn baby really means? Is it the moment when the baby is fully clear of the mother? The moment the baby takes its first breath? Something else?

I'm trying to figure out how accurate the time of birth recorded on something like a birth certificate really is. Google is not proving very helpful (I'm getting lots of results for astrology sites) and my physician assistant friend isn't online. Can you help?

Open-Minded OB In Chattanooga?

Gianna — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 20:57:09 -0800

Looking for an OB/Gyn in or near the Chattanooga, TN area that is knowledgeable (or willing to learn) about PCOS and open-minded about nonstandard births. Alternately, looking for any feedback from folks who have used the midwifery services of Ina Mae Gaskin or the other midwives at "The Farm". I have a very bad case of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, and have had a great deal of trouble finding a local doctor who will work with me on treatment.

I was initially diagnosed by a doctor in another city, an endocrinologist who specialized in reproductive health. Everything he prescribed did wonders for me.

He is now far away, and trying to replace him has been pretty awful. I've tried a handful of local gynecologists, every single one of which has clung steadfastly to their years-out-of-date knowledge on the topic of PCOS, refused to prescribe me the medications my prior doctor did, insisted on prescribing medications that I already knew didn't work and made me ill, and became condescending, defensive, and accusatory when I tried to change their minds.

I'm now pregnant, and need to get an OB... but I'm extremely leery after the bad experiences I've had. I really do not want to spend my entire pregnancy at odds with my doctor.

To complicate matters even more, I'd really prefer to have a non-traditional birth... ideally, at home. I know most doctors aren't jiggy with that sort of thing.

I've been considering skipping the traditional medical track altogether and using the midwives at the Farm. I've read Ina Mae Gaskin's books and found them extremely interesting and encouraging. Summertown is about a three-hour drive away, but it would be worth it to me to have prenatal care I felt good about.

Does anyone have a recommendation for a good OB or midwife in Chattanooga, or has anyone used the midwives at the Farm and could tell me a little about their experience?

Accidental midwife?

xanthippe — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 02:48:49 -0800

I've been asked to babysit a woman who is 9 months pregnant tonight. What do I do if she goes into labour? This is a good friend of mine whose family is going out of town, so I'm going to spend the night with her in case anything happens. Her due date is 4 days from today, so I'm guessing there's some significant chance she could go into labour. This will be her 5th child but it would be my first time dealing with this situation, so I'm feeling quite nervous.

So, if her water breaks and all that, what should I expect and what should I do other than the obvious, i.e. driving her to the hospital? What kind of care and support should I provide? Neither of us are close to fluent in each other's native languages; we usually communicate fairly well, but this is clearly the sort of situation where stress could cause communication to break down, so I'd like advice beforehand about what her needs might be and how I can handle them. My level of exposure to, um, childbirth is so minimal that I can't formulate any more specific questions.

How can we keep anxiety down with uninvited vistors to the hospital?

Anonymous — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 19:03:17 -0800

New baby + uninvited family visitors = drama. More hormone-charged details inside. We're due with Baby #1 in a matter of minutes/hours/days. We politely asked family and friends to please leave us alone for a few days so we can do some nesting and have some time for the 3 of us to adjust. This was intentionally done because of particular grandparents causing A LOT of anxiety to both of us.
We thought everyone was okay with this plan, which we've been quite vocal about. But now that L&D is almost here, the anxiety-causing grandparent has decided that she and spouse are flying out (across the country) immediately.
I AGAIN politely asked them to give us 2-3 days post-delivery to be alone (to nest, to figure out breastfeeding, to recover, to get past the hormonal stage, etc. I also made the argument "What if we have a c-section or the baby is ill, maybe we'll want you out here for 2 weeks? Why buy tickets for 2 days now?") but they are NOT listening and say that they're on their way out tomorrow or Tuesday.
They say "We aren't visiting you, we're visiting the baby." (Which strikes me as even less helpful and caring about mom's well-being and sort of hurts.)
They are planning on staying at a hotel (we helped them pick one out but thought it'd be for later in the month and they were upset that we asked that they not stay with us due to cramped conditions), renting a car, etc.
We know that we can put them on a "do not allow to visit" list at the hospital (I think?). This possibly will cause more drama though, of course.
So, the question, what can we do to keep anxiety down? This is a stressful enough time without this added drama.

How old is Dick Hoyt?

Felicity Rilke — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 10:06:07 -0800

Does anyone know Dick Hoyt's date of birth? I'm fact-checking an article and the opening line hinges on Dick Hoyt's year of birth. I tried emailing Team Hoyt's office directly, but it's closed until the 16th and I need to verify this information today.

I'm pretty certain he was born in 1940 based on other articles written throughout the years that list his age (rather than the 1944 currently listed in the article I'm checking), but if I could find something actually documenting his year of birth, it would be immensely helpful.

Should we use a doula?

k8t — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 08:57:16 -0800

Should we use a doula for our hospital birth? It seems like using a doula is the thing to do now for hospital births and this is our first child and we won't have any family/friends around for support in labor. I've heard a lot of good reviews from friends and in pregnancy/parenting forums as well.

However, it is $600-1000. But, I am pretty sure that our insurance will cover some of it (looking into it now).

For those of you that have used a doula or explored it, anything that you can share would be helpful.

Plan for post-partum family visits?

Anonymous — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 07:32:11 -0800

What's a good plan for post-partum family visits? Our first baby is due in early November. We feel prepared and are comfortable in infant care (both IRL and in the numerous books we've read). We have flexible schedules and generous parental leave time. We also have a large helpful circle of friends.

Our families want to visit from out-of-town when baby is born and perhaps even be present for the birth. This could be 4-9 adults at once.

First concern: there are particular family members who are very anxious and their anxiety/presence triggers my anxiety.

Second concern: we have a pull-out couch in the living room and a futon in the office/baby room but only 1 bathroom. Plus, hotels? Rental cars? Airport pick ups? We're gonna be the ones organizing all this. And we don't really have seating for more than 6 at a time.

Questions:

First, do we really need "Help" like people say we do? (We have in-house laundry and dishwasher, 3 grocery stores, 2 pharmacies, and dozens of take-out places within a 8 minute walk. And we've stocked up on baby stuff and frozen food to the gills.) Will I regret not having 4-9 "Helpers"?

And second, how do we tell them that we don't want them/need them around for the birth? (Some are going to be pissed.)

Third, then how can we properly schedule visits to satisfy their need to see the baby "early" and have them also be useful?

Fourth, is it easier to stagger guests or have them all at once and rip the band-aid off?

Fifth, how long is enough? 1 week? 4 days? They probably want to come for weeks.

One thought: Thanksgiving, when baby is 2-4 weeks old. Another thought: just suck it up and let them come and tolerate it when they are here.

Any suggestions are welcome!