Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with bipolar

Bipolar specialist in the LA area

Jacen Solo — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 14:16:53 -0800

(Asking for a friend) Any pointers to a good psychiatrist for bipolar disorder in the LA area? My friend was diagnosed with bipolar II a bit less than a year ago. She tried a couple of drugs for it, but they had too-severe side effects and she stopped after a couple of weeks.

Since then she's been managing pretty well without drugs, but recognizes that things could be better, and is now willing to give it another go.

The psychiatrist that our university's health center refers us to is kind of lame in this area. I get the impression that she just tries drugs until something works, without much individual care; she is also well-known for giving you any drug you ask for by name (yay for easy Provigil access!). On the other side of the coin, I recently browsed through a book Bipolar Breakthrough in the bookstore, and what stuck with me was that it was written by a guy who specializes in bipolar and is full of anecdotes where he obviously spends a lot of time on individual patients figuring out what would work best for them.

With this in mind, my friend was hoping to get any recommendations for good psychiatrists in the LA area, especially ones that treat bipolar II. The internet seems unhelpful in this regard, so maybe we're choosing the wrong keywords; help there would be cool too.

How to lose weight when meds pack on weight

Anonymous — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 10:58:40 -0800

I want to lose weight, but the drugs I take to manage my bipolar disease actually add weight. Do you have ideas on how I can lose weight? Details inside. I have been diagnosed with, Bipolar I, moderate to severe Dissociative Identity Disorder, Fibromyalgia, bursitis in both hips, and other lesser problems, and currently trying to lose weight. I weigh 336 pounds and am 40 years old and female.

Three of the drugs I take to manage the bipolarity, Lexapro, Seroquel and Zyprexa are extremely weight positive i.e. they really pack on the pounds. I was obviously overweight before starting these drugs, but now I'm on a down hill slide toward gaining weight and these drugs are pushing me down the hill.

I've been on slightly more weight neutral drugs for the bipolar, but they didn't help as well. It's to the point where my physical doctor is calling the shrink to ask for a different combination of drugs, but the shrink is unwilling to change them, because this particular cocktail works really good for the bipolar and allows treatment for the Dissociative Identity Disorder and all of its peripheral issues.

It's hard for me to walk or go to the gym due to pain, but the pool really works and I enjoy doing that. However, doing exercises in the pool doesn't seem to be enough to slow the psych drugs from throwing on pounds.

My eating is ok, could be better, I've tracked my eating habits, shared them with my doctor and he agrees they aren't a major problem. He did suggest a Lap-Band, which ties off the stomach, but in order to qualify for that, you need to be mentally sound, and being did doesn't qualify one as mentally sound.

1. Do you have any suggestion that would help me maintain weight. ANYTHING, I'm pretty much at a loss on how to do this and still literally remain sane.

2. I've heard that once the body gets over 300lbs, it's harder to lose weight, like the body reaches a plateau of sorts. Is that so?

Have you taken back your mentally ill partner and wish you hadn't? Or wish you had?

Toto_tot — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 19:33:02 -0800

Do you do this? How do I escape the pattern of going back to, because I can't resist helping, my (I think) mentally ill (or unstable/intense) husband. See, he's not all bad... Do you regret going back? Do you wish you had? My husband of 17 years is one of those very smart, creative, super-funny people that are sometimes (not all the time) crazy. When I met him we were both had theater and music careers. I'd never met anyone like him and he pursued me to another country. We married, worked in the arts together, and had a child. Let me say this off the top, he is an awesome father.

But he is also the most 'intense' person I have ever met and I have, as my therapist says, "managed" him from the beginning. You know the dysfunction--making sure I never made him too mad, making sure he was okay with whatever we were doing... etc. He was a pothead and when angry, intensely angry (never physically). But he's also funny and smart... etc, right, you know....

By the time my daughter was four, I had basically checked out, was on the way out the door, when he woke up to that fact and got sober. He's been sober for 8 years. It's weird though, he's always held it up as an example of how he changed for the sake of the marriage and 'where was my change?'

Anyway, blah blah blah there were good times and hard times. He really stepped up and became an excellent husband and father. But I still sometimes managed him (his anger was under control), and watched as he seemed to build resentments and destroy relationships outside of the marriage, work relationships more than personal.

Flash forward to this past spring and summer where we had one friend die super young (42) and another diagnosed with cancer. He had the pressure of finishing his Masters... He stopped sleeping, became hypomanic, destroyed one of the most valuable professional relationships he had, displayed (mild but definite) delusions of grandeur.

Then 2 months ago he started an affair with a woman half his age (44 and 23) and left me in a frightening, explosion of verbal abuse witnessed by our 13year old. He set up a place of his own and she practically lived there. He has started drinking again, although I don't know how much.

That wasn't enough for my co-dependent self to call it quits. And now that it's settling down, and he can see that he and this woman have nothing in common, I am faced with the decision of taking him back.

And of course now he is smart and insightful and penitent. And of course I understand that I am certainly culpable in any relationship problems that led to an affair. Our daughter misses him. And I still love him. I do.

I believe that he is an undiagnosed bipolar and/or some other personality disorder and so how can I leave him? IF HE GETS HELP, how can I turn away? And the more depressed and distraught he becomes the more I feel sorry for him and can't imagine also taking his family away from him. Yes, I can suck it up and work on our marriage--I know I can--and I know that it will be good and bad again, like all marriages. But what if it all goes horribly wrong again in three years... Trust is definitely an issue, along with the list of resentments toward me that he has dredged up in our arguments and discussions. But those are issues for couples therapy....??? I am already seeing someone on my own, as is our daughter.

Anyone out there have a similar experience? Take your partner back and wish they hadn't or turned away and wish they hadn't? I miss him but I'm also kinda relieved. More than anything, I feel like I'm dying inside on a daily basis.

Managing BiPolar Relative

bananafish — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 17:13:30 -0800

Managing Bipolar Manic Episode? My Mother is bipolar. For the last twelve years, her symptoms have been managed quite well with medication, primarily Depakote. Four months ago her Medicaid Insurance switched her to a generic and she had an allergic reaction. She stopped taking the medication and then had the manic episode. She called me and my brother and my brother took her to her psychiatrist who prescirbed another generic. It's been about two weeks and I haven't seen much improvement in her symptons.

She's highly emotional and screams or cries at the smallest things, and talks constantly, but I guess we can live with that. My biggest concern right now is that she can't manage her own affairs. She gets a disability check and usually she can live on that even if it's tight. But this month she burned through it all on what I would call "manic spending" T.V. shopping network, gifts she can't afford, etc. She bounced her rent check, and I had to come in with a bail out because her account had gone negative and accumulated overdraft fees. She also can't manage to take her psychiatric medication on time and she may be missing pills for other conditions (severe osteoporis - she's 67). Also, I'm worried about things that have happened during previous episodes. With manic episodes in the past she's done things that led to her being evicted (most notably spray painting the apartment walls). She also started drinking during previous manic episodes (she's an alcoholic with twelve years sobriety). On top of all of this, she hurt her back (three vertabrae are out of line), which is making it difficult for her to walk or get out of the apartment.

My brother lives nearby. I live 3,000 miles away. He works two jobs and he's basically burnt out with helping her.

He's talking about having her hospitalized. I know she won't go voluntarily. I'm not sure we'd be able to get her committed (standard is pretty high -- danger to self or others) and I'm not sure we're there yet. I know she would really resent us if we tried. We both have power of attorney over her healthcare and finances.

So I guess my questions are as follows:

(1) Her psychiatrist won't call me or my brother back even though we both have a release. Neither of us think the current generic is working. We'd like to get an insurance override to get the brand. Any suggestions? I've thought about calling a crisis center or emergency hotline?

(2) Using the power of attorney, is there some way to manage her affairs without hospitilization? I'm most concerned about the manic spending. If I can pay her rent and phone bill, she has food stamps so she won't starve. But it's really not taking the meds that is the problem. I don't want her to be evicted or have her phone turned off.

(3) Should I be thinking about having her hospitilized? I've thought about getting some kind of home health aide, but my mother's railed against that too.

Any ideas about how all three of us can manage this?

How do I know whether I'm depressed, or if it's birth control?

Xere — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 14:16:43 -0800

I've started hormonal birth control (Ortho Tri Cyclen Lo) for the first time, and am currently on my third day. I've heard/read of the accompanying depression and mood swings. When can I expect side effects, so that I can assess myself and decide whether or not to continue with the pill? What sort of red flags should I look out for, in case I don't realize I'm being depressive, mood-swingy, or sans sex drive? A year's supply of birth control was free, and I consider this much more economical than a $400 abortion. I'm trying to be careful and responsible, by using both condoms and birth control.

The women in my family are either bipolar or depressed (and I'm fairly sure that none of them are on the pill, or ever have been) So far, I'm the only one who hasn't shown any signs of it. I am determined not to become like them.

I intend to quit the pill the moment I find out it's turning me into a depressive. How can I keep an eye out for this, and know whether it's just me having a bad day, or if it's birth control-related? I don't have the option of asking someone else to monitor and assess my moods, because I don't see any one person on a daily basis.

Also: there are three different kinds of active pills in each pack. Could I test out one kind per day, and see how each different kind affects my moods? Seems risky - is it? Or do I have to wait out a month or three, or just wait and see if my moods start to turn?

Help me deal with my mentally ill father, who I still need to talk to.

Anonymous — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 13:27:56 -0800

How should I go about handling my (very) mentally ill father who goes through (primarily) emotionally/psychologically abusive phases with anyone he holds a relationship with? Completely cutting off contact is probably not a solution for a few reasons. Sorry for a long post, but...

History: My father is mentally ill, diagnosed as having a number of issues. He does not properly take his medication, and I'm not even sure that he bothers taking it at all, any more. It shows. I have been out of my (now divorced) parents' household for many years, but he calls me frequently--once a week--and tries desperately to keep tabs on what I'm doing, where I'm going, etc. as he likes to try to gain control over people, so he can manipulate situations. It's a taxing relationship that would normally not be worth having, other than there are some issues at hand with cutting all ties. That's where I'm hoping to get some advice.

I thankfully haven't seen my father in about two years, but he's called me and known where I lived, which wasn't an easy place for him to travel to...intentionally. About a month ago, I began a big move, selling a bunch of my stuff with the idea of starting afresh and getting better stuff. I've graduated college, so it is a bit of a new life.

Before leaving where I was, I told my father that I was in the process of moving, but was going to drive around and find a place before settling down, which I have done; I said I'd have trouble getting in touch with him, as I'd be busy, which was/is true. I've only just gotten into a place over the past week. (Maybe it's worth noting that the place is much closer--several hours' drive--and more accessible to him now, which is a slight concern.) My father's been going crazy, though--no puns intended--as he only had my last landline number, so he hasn't been able to speak to me or keep up with what I'm doing. I emailed him a couple of weeks ago, but that wasn't enough, and now he's sending me emails saying I haven't gotten in touch with him for three months. That may be one of his occasional delusions, and I have no way of calculating whether he's reacting angrily or otherwise to it all. Overall, this isn't my problem.

My problem is that...well, really my problem is just that he's crazy, and I'm not (no more so than most!), and there's not really anything either of us can do about it, particularly if he's not going to take his medication and/or consistently go to therapy. When he calls me, he wants to act like he's never treated me badly. He wants to be all buddy-buddy, as if I've never had to keep him, a very large man, from chasing my mother; as if I've never had to call the cops on him; as if he's never verbally disowned me or threatened me to my face in one of his fits. Despite all this, I would still be more than happy to keep a distant relationship with him, where we send cards at holidays and we speak over the phone a couple of times a year. Being mentally ill, though, and pretty damn unapologetic, he can't seem to understand any of this, and he'd even somehow be offended if I tried (yet again) to get him to understand it.

Core Question: With all of this baggage and the issues that still exist, his latest email accusing me of not talking to him for three months (again, untrue) and the fact that he doesn't know where I am / doesn't have an easy means of contacting me leaves me wondering how I should handle it. I have options, but I'm just not sure which I should choose. Should I just cut ties? Should I tell him where I am? Should I give him my phone number? Should I see him again? Is it safe for me to? And on and on and on. I drive myself batty dealing with this.

"So, why are you still in touch with him at all? Why would you even consider it?" you might ask. There are three primary reasons:

1. This is the biggest reason, and it is a material one, but one I care deeply about, nonetheless. There is a lot of land somewhere that, as his only child, will go to me, unless he outright denies me from having it in his will. Some of that land is already in my name, but only a very small portion of it. I want it all, when he finally keels over from all his bad decisions, as morbid and vulturistic as that sounds. I grew up on that land some, and it means a lot to me. I am concerned that cutting contact with him would mean I would never see all of it again. On a lesser note, where he lives is where my parents lived for a long time; it is also the place my mother fled from, finally, a few years ago. A lot of my childhood keepsakes, that I desperately want, are locked up in that home with him.

2. He gets frantic and does some wild things that might affect my life. My father has been known to wiretap, hide recorders, hire private investigators, etc. He currently doesn't know where I am, but if he ever got into the frame of mind where he wanted to know, he could actually easily find out. He would even know if he looked on my Twitter account, but he's too lazy. He loves spending money, though, so if he decided he wanted to track me down, I'm sure he'd hire someone. Doing things like that seem to give him a feeling of importance. Clearly, for my own sanity, I don't want to be tracked down! It seems that minimal, but existing contact is the only way to eliminate this possibility.

3. One of the few ways my father has always tried to "apologize" to both my mother and myself is by spending money. He paid for my college tuition, and a very small part of me is a little bit afraid that if I piss him off, he'll try to come back some sort of way and get that money from me. He'd not have much on his side, as I've got emails from him which don't state I have to repay anything, but I don't want to go through the hassle or heartache of any of that. My father is "lawyer-and-sue happy," so this is a possible scenario, even if small.

So, yes, hopefully you see why I'm hesitant to completely cut ties. I feel like both material/financial and emotional things are at stake here.

Two final things:

Please note that "talk to a therapist" is not the answer I'm looking for, so I'd appreciate it if no one went that route. I have spoken to therapists and guidance counselors in the past, as recently as this year. They all recommend I distance myself from my father, if not completely cut ties. This is good advice, but it doesn't take into account some of the things I have at stake here, which counselors always seem to overlook for some reason. That being said, therapy to help me process all this crap probably is in order, and I'll see to that at some point, when I've got time and a steadier income.

The law is not on my side, really, other than in emergencies, so you shouldn't assume that it is. Restraining orders do little good, other than to rile up the mentally ill party, and it is incredibly difficult to institutionalize someone, even when they have emotionally and even physically abused people. Most of the time you can only get someone locked up for a few weeks; my father has been locked up for that amount of time in the past, only to be released, because of legal reasons concerning how long mental health patients can be kept under certain circumstances. I'm probably not looking for a way to deal with all this, law wise, but if you know of something I don't, I'd appreciate your sharing it.

I hope someone can help me figure out how to communicate with him, but still stay safe and get what I want in the end. Thanks, everyone.

I need insurance. They won't give it to me.

unlucky.lisp — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 07:53:18 -0800

Insurance filter: I am quitting my job, and the insurance goes with it. As someone who frequently gets turned down for insurance, what do i do? I'm told I won't be eligible for COBRA unless I'm fired.

In the past, I have not been able to qualify for insurance because I'm bipolar -- and now that I have a hospital stay under my belt it's even less likely that I'll get approved.

I NEED insurance.

What do I do?

Are there companies out there who will overlook pre-existing conditions like this?

I've heard of something called a conversion policy -- does anyone have any experience with that?

oh, help. this is so frustrating!

Trying to adopt with a psychiatric diagnosis

Pater Aletheias — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 18:08:07 -0800

Is it possible to adopt a child when a spouse has bipolar disorder? We have two biological children, a three year old girl and a five month old boy, and would like to adopt a third child--not because we couldn't get pregnant again, but because we feel that we could provide a good home to a child who needs one. In fact, that's been our plan since we were engaged--two biokids, anyone after that is adopted.

But in recent communications with international adoption agencies that our friends have used, we've been told that applying would be a waste of our time and money--there's no chance of being approved for adoption because my wife is diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

Is that the final word? We can accept it if it is--many couple who want to adopt would be delighted just to have one of the two wonderful kids we are already parenting. But if there's some avenue for adoption, I'd like to pursue it.

How do I find the motivation to leave the house?

Danila — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 20:39:33 -0800

Long-term cabin fever, please help me get out of the house. I have a long history of depression and social anxiety, both before and after the onset of bipolar II disorder. Over the past 18 months, through medication and therapy, I have made tremendous strides in nearly every area of my life: mentally, emotionally, socially, intellectually, and spiritually. I am also very much an introvert and that won't be changing, but I have been able to sustain friendships and I have grown significantly closer to the people in my life.

The one thing that really nags at me right now is the fact that I still spend the vast majority of my time in my home. I'm more willing and certainly more able to go out, but I have very little desire to do so. In fact, I think I might go out of the house less now than I did when I was depressed.

Through the keeping of mood journals and regular discussions with my therapist, I really don't think I'm depressed. In fact, within my home I am quite active. I spend hours composing music in fruity loops, studying for college and posting messages back and forth with other students (it's online), talking on the phone with friends, reading, researching, etc. I watch very little tv although if I'm feeling physically sick (which is sadly often, due to severe allergies, PCOS, and migraines) I do tend to watch marathons and movies. Yet mentally I feel active, and I feel involved in the lives of others. And I feel good emotionally, in ways I never have before. I've also fixed my sleep schedule so I sleep at night now, and I'm awake during the day (a major victory for me).

But there's a whole world out there. I think some of the problem is that I'm just not used to going out. I have been sick in a number of ways since I was in grade school, and had to have a teacher sent to my home when I was in high school because I couldn't go (eventually dropped out). Before the onset of bipolar I did work, but that was only about a year before I became sick. I have worked and struggled to get the health care I need in spite of my limitations, to earn my diploma and associate's degree, and to rebuild my relationships.

Eventually, I would like to return to work (or continue my education at a brick and mortar school, because I realize I really like school). My therapist and I agree that I'm not quite ready for work yet, not even part time, but surely there's another way to leave the house. I don't even know how to do it, really, like how to establish that kind of routine and I'd appreciate some advice.

We will break up again. But I want to be happy and there are some things I need to do. Advice?

pyrom — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 08:56:27 -0800

Relationshipfilter: When we're together, I couldn't be more happy. When the inevitable breakups come, I feel so empty and no amount of time makes me feel as whole as when I'm with him. I know it won't last, but I'd take the pain of him leaving again just to have a couple months of happiness. Advice? About a year ago (mid-summer '08), I met a guy. We'll call him "Jon". It was my first relationship, and it was magical beyond anything I'd ever experienced before. We were so well matched, he was respectful and loving and I couldn't have asked for more. I fell in love with him.

As winter came, things started to fall apart. There would be days I wouldn't hear from him, he stopped wanting to talk to me and his desire to see me was much less. Around five days before Christmas, Jon came over and I told him that I was angry that he'd dropped contact, and that it made me worried. He got angry, we ended up shouting and he left saying that we were over. We got together for lunch a couple days later, and he told me he "wasn't good enough" for me and that he was holding me back. He refused to comply when I told him I loved him and I didn't care, and things ended at that point. I was depressed for at least a month, food became repulsive and I dropped around ten pounds. Life was difficult, I thought about him endlessly and it was hard to function socially. After several months, the pain handn't really subsided but I'd gotten used to dealing with it.

Jon contacted me in March, I'd not heard from him since the day we'd had lunch. In an email he told me he loved me, he missed me, he said he made a mistake and was scared because I changed his plans for his life. My heart melted at this point, and although I resolved to be careful, I got back in contact with him. We talked over IM for a couple days, and we then decided to meet up. After dating in secret for a few weeks, we told our friends and family that we were back together. Things were again glorious for a few months, he was much better at keeping contact and he constantly expressed how glad he was to have me back and how ashamed he was to have let me go.

Things, again, began to fall apart. Jon, again, started dropping contact and lost interest in seeing me. After a few weeks of this, I confronted him. He said he thought we needed to work on our friendship (our "friendship" was fine, great for the most part), and that we should just see each other as friends for a while. I told him it would be too painful, and he ended the relationship once again.

I didn't hurt anything like it did in winter. It was a shock, but I felt so unattached at that point that despite sadness at night, I could be somewhat happy during the day. There were times where I could forget. But the feeling of emptiness that I felt, my lack of connection toward someone was just as pronounced.
That was a Sunday in May. Minutes after I'd gotten off the phone with him, my mother and I began to talk. We tried to figure out what would cause his behavior, and my mom proposed that he might be bipolar.

My aunt was recently featured in an article that advocated better medical care for prison inmates with psychological disorders. Her son, my cousin, was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder, a great deal owing to her efforts to have him treated. My mother and I got on a conference call with my aunt, and the description of my cousin sounded a lot like Jon.

YANADfilter- Here's what sticks out to me from what she said, as these are things that also apply to Jon. She said that her son, "Jake", didn't get bad until around high school. That it began suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, but later correlated to a traumatic event. After talking with Jon's mother, she said that Jon's weird moods began one spring when he was 15, but he wouldn't talk about what happened. Jake would have months where he'd hole himself up in his room, not talk to anybody and would eat very little. At the end of each relationship, Jon would have nights where he'd hardly speak to me and when I did see him, he'd eat very little. His mother would mention that Jon wasn't speaking to her and that immediately after school he'd go straight to bed. Additionally, when I saw him at this point, he was uninterested in me sexually, which led to some frustration on my part. To me, this seems the depressive stage.
She also described Jake's manic stage. Where he'd be on edge, where he'd hardly sleep and would talk very fast. He'd get angry at tiny things that didn't make sense. Jon is known for getting angry for no reason, for exploding without a cause. I've known him to stay up for days, but it usually correlated with a lot of school work.
He seemed uncannily similar, especially down to little quirks, such as getting sick at a regular interval, headaches as a child, and an addictive personality- these things all seem to match up with Jon.

Jon contacted me yesterday, after a couple days of lurking on IM with his status saying things like "I'm a fool for leaving her" and other messages that seemed almost suicidal in nature. He said he wouldn't care what anyone thought, that he hated himself for letting me go. I ended up talking to him. I went to see him. I can't explain why. Things heated up pretty quickly. And now I'm unsure of what to do.

His mother is going though some serious pain trying to help her son and has no idea what to do. There are times when he won't speak to her for days and it's to the point where it's emotionally damaging. I haven't told her of my theory, and at the moment she's blaming his actions on being a young male. I can't come close to determining that he's bipolar but his actions seem very similar to that of Jake's. I feel like it's partially my duty to try and help her figure out what's going wrong. I feel like, getting back with Jon is less about making me happy and more about trying to help him.

I want this summer to be a happy one. During school, studying and distance prevents Jon and I from being together as often. Now we're both home and we have what seems an indefinite amount of time. I feel like, for once, I understand, and that I can do some good for him. I want to make him happy. But, my parents and friends don't approve considering what's happened.

Please help, thanks again, all advice welcome.

How will getting treated for bipolar affect my job?

Anonymous — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 18:38:23 -0800

What are the repercussions of seeking treatment for bipolar disorder on my employability? I'm in my mid 20's, in the UK. I am concerned that I have Bipolar Disorder, and am planning on speaking to my GP about it. However, a friend who has the condition has mentioned that I will "be added to a database" and have to "disclose that I'm bipolar at a job interview".

Given the current economic situation, I don't want to do anything that will prevent me from getting/keeping a job. I am currently employed, but after hearing that the information must be disclosed, I am concerned that after telling my superiors, I will be first in line if the company I work for does get into trouble. I realise that discrimination based on disability is illegal, but I'm smart enough to realise that rules have been broken before, and that there are all kinds of reasons to give, other than the real one, for firing someone.

My bipolar, if indeed I do have it, does not affect my job at all. In any case, I seem to have a mild case of something, but I never allow it to affect my work. I've been with my current company for over 6 years, with no problems. However, lots of cutbacks are being made, and I don't wish to raise my head above the parapet. I know that it shouldn't be a problem, but I'm not so green as to think that it won't be.

My question boils down to this: how will seeking/getting treatment for bipolar affect my working life? Personal experiences are welcome.

I've been slowly regaining my sanity, how have you been?

Anonymous — Fri, 22 May 2009 11:03:20 -0800

How I move on from my past and accept the new me? I've spent the last 2.5 years rebuilding my life and getting treatment for bipolar disorder. While I was in law school, I swung from "normal," to full blown mania, and then crippling depression. How do I deal with seeing people who last knew me as crazy? I'm a 27 year old female. I did well in law school, graduated, but I failed the bar (see crippling depression). I was diagnosed with bipolar-II disorder around that time. Since beginning treatment, I shifted careers and moved to another state to get an additional degree. A few months ago, I moved back to my home state, but to a different city for a job in my new career.

This summer, I'm invited to several weddings and baby showers, where I will see all sorts of friends and relatives, many who have not seen me since 2006 or 2007. I’ve since lost about 50 of the 80 or so pounds I gained during the “bad times.” I’m quieter and less “sparkly” then I was while I was manic, my brain doesn’t move as quickly, I find I have a lot less to say. Of course, I’m more even, less impulsive, and considerably less prone to bouts of tears. But, I feel boring. These days I work, run with my dog, read, and get plenty of sleep. I’m so much better, but I miss the exciting, albeit destructive person I used to be.

On the other hand, I have a lot of shame about my past. I was irresponsible, and had no sense of the consequences of my actions. Most of this ended up hurting me, but it hurt other people as well. I’ve apologized to many people, and worked to rebuild relationships, which has been mostly successful. My relationship with my immediate family is especially improved. But, since I moved away, I’ve had little connection with many of these less close friends, and fear what they think of me. Also, I recognize that I’m jealous of their marriages and babies, and I wonder what my life would be like now if I hadn’t gotten sick. I’m also single and feel a little disconnected from them, as our lives are in different places.

I have an excellent therapist and I’m on my meds. Does anyone have past experiences or suggestions for coping with being the new you around people who last knew your old self? Mental illness experiences would be especially great.

Also, my hairy legs mean that I have "failed at being a woman."

liketitanic — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 21:19:48 -0800

How do you deal with a crazy person's total hostility? My brother is in the psych ward again, which is good, and he's getting good care, which is good.

But he's acting like a caged animal and says a lot of nasty abusive shit to me. I KNOW that he doesn't really know what he's saying and that it's not his fault. But I'm having trouble not taking his bait and not being hurt by it. Like when he says that I must really love this (being here with him) because it's easier than holding down a job. Or that I lie to him. Or that I don't keep promises to him.

How do I react to him, and how do I react in my mind? It hurts.

Is there any recourse if you are fired for conduct due to disability?

Danila — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 00:41:47 -0800

Fired for misconduct (threats of violence) related to disability. Is there any recourse? My brother was fired about an hour ago. He has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and has been with the company for six years. Last week, he came into work while manic and told his supervisor that he "felt like hitting someone". He did not make a specific threat against anyone but was describing how he felt. His supervisor recommended that he go home. He then checked into a hospital and was released yesterday, doing much better. He has never had a manic incident at work before. He has been very good at his job and won numerous awards. His medications have been changed to better control the mania.

An hour ago he went to work and was fired for "threats of violence".

He has kept the company in the loop about his disorder, providing medical documentation when needed and always being honest with his supervisor because they encouraged this. That is the only reason he told them how he was feeling, and now he has been fired for it. It is a very large company and he is a full-time employee. He is also in the union.

Does he have any recourse at all? We assume he needs to speak with an employment lawyer, but is there any hope? He will be meeting with the head union rep on Monday, is there anything he can do before then? He sees his doctor tomorrow, is there anything he needs from the doctor? Please help if you can. Thank you.

A cheap replacement for Seroquel?

Anonymous — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 21:04:56 -0800

PsychMedFilter: A cheap replacement for Seroquel? I'm bipolar. I take Lamictal, Lithium and -- my favorite -- Seroquel. I just lost my job. And my health insurance.

I can find the Lamictal and Lithium for fairly cheap without insurance. But the Seroquel, and even its generic, Quetiapine, is killing me.

My doc is set on keeping me on the Seroquel; I can't blame him -- the stuff works wonders. I'm looking at different state and nonprofit programs for possible assistance in covering the cost.

But I'm curious. Have any bipolar MeFi-ers switched from Seroquel to something else and found it to be as effective?

When's the right time to tell a date you're crazy?

Anonymous — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 06:34:09 -0800

When do I tell prospective romantic partners that I'm bipolar? I'm female, early 20s and was diagnosed about a year ago as bipolar (technically bipolar II--my depressive episodes can be extreme, and I haven't experienced "full blown" mania but my hypomania is pretty disruptive to my life).

I have a pretty lengthy psychiatric resume: in therapy on and off throughout childhood for rage/lack of self-control/ADD-type issues (if bipolar disorder were being diagnosed in kids those days, I probably would have been); medicated and in therapy for depression/anxiety/OCD/substance abuse starting in high school, eventually leaving school and going to rehab; flunking out of college, experiencing SSRI-induced hypomania and finally, the bipolar dx.

These days I'm medicated, basically stable, and otherwise pretty "normal"--I have an active social life, I'm back at school full-time, I have varied interests, and while I'm no longer sober (I drink alcohol), I don't really do drugs anymore, and not for lack of opportunity. To the outside observer, I pretty much look like I have my shit together. (When friends find out that I'm bipolar, they are generally not shocked, but I doubt anyone would ever guess without my telling them.)

It's important to me that the people who are close to me know that I deal with these various issues, because it's been a major part of my formative years and I'm not really into hiding things. I am not ashamed of my illness, I don't let it define me, and I try to manage my life the best I can, given my somewhat unpredictable moods. However, it's one thing to know someone has bipolar because they tell you, and another entirely to witness firsthand the more private, ugly symptoms. It's easy to hide the nitty-gritty of my depression (staying in bed for days at a time, not showering, binge eating) or hypomania (staying up all night researching some new idea, often with completely unnecessary shopping sprees attached) from my friends, but I imagine being more forthright with a significant other is important for the health of a relationship.

However, I am INCREDIBLY aware of the stigma attached to dating someone with a history of substance abuse and bipolar disorder (in this question, the general consensus is "don't stick your dick in crazy"). And while my mood-swings are certainly more under control than pre-mood stabilizers, this is going to be a part of me for the rest of my life. (Even since beginning treatment, I've had episodes that required a switch in medication from lithium to lamictal, for example, or changes in dosages, or whatever--so I know that this is about management and not a cure.)

So. My question--when's the right time to tell somebody something like this after you start dating them? I don't want to spring this on someone from the get-go and completely sabotage my chances with them, but I also don't want to wait until something gets serious because that feels deceptive to me. I don't have a lot of experience in this arena because my sex life thus far has not included any relationships, but I'm starting to date rather than just "hook up" and I don't really know what proper etiquette with stuff like this is.

What is wrong with me?

Anonymous — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 05:57:30 -0800

What is wrong with me? Certain things have come to light recently that have caused to me to start evaluating my mental state. A few months back, I learned that my father is both bipolar and schizophrenic. I feel I may be headed down a similar path.

There was a period in my life that for a long time I thought was just a shitty few months. I realize now that it may have been a depressive episode. It lasted for about 2-3 months around my 10th birthday. I was very irritable, sad, I thought about suicide a lot and often felt like crying for no reason. Worst, I felt like I could never tell anyone how I felt; to this day I've maybe told a couple people about it. Eventually it passed.

I can't recall any part of life that would be an analagous "high" period, though. I'm not sure if that rules out bipolar disorder or not.

Some other quirks about me include a strong fear or rejection, shyness (something I do feel I've made a lot of progress on though I'm not quite there yet), and obsessiveness. I often find myself obsessing over minor events of the day when I'm lying in bed. In recent years I've developed a weird aversion to my birthday; reading birthday cards addressed to me gets me down, and for some reason I just can't stand it. Even the week after my birthday I will still feel a little down. I'm only 19; I can't really be subconsciously afraid of old age and death, can I?

For what it's worth, I consider myself a very creative person (I am a composer). But I often find myself being highly self-critical of my own work, to the point that I berate myself for even thinking that it was any good in the first place.

Also, I have never taken any pharmaceutical drugs/anti-depressants.

RelationshipFilter: How do I convince her I'm not scared?

Anonymous — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 06:19:04 -0800

RelationshipFilter: How can I convince this girl that her issues don't scare me and I really do want to be with her? Rambling details and soul-baring inside. Earlier this month I started seeing a girl that I've become very fond of (background info: I'm a 19yo hetero male, she's an 18yo bisexual female, both students at the same uni). We hit it off on our first date and found that we've got an incredible amount in common in terms of tastes, opinions and attitudes. I've gone out with her a couple times since and both occasions went very well: long, personal conversations, lots of flirting, "marry me already!" jokes, etc. going both ways, though the physical element hasn't gone any further than a goodnight kiss.

This past weekend she invited me to brunch with her and her housemates, but when I got there she was a little distant and quiet. I spent a couple hours there and tried to get her to come for a walk with me afterwards, but she said she couldn't, she had too much work to do. When I got home she texted me and apologized for "being a jerk" and promised to explain herself later.

That night we had an IM conversation that led to her confiding in me about her personal issues - she is struggling with anxiety, depression and an eating disorder (all of which I'm also dealing with, and she knows this) and was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and she claims to have never had a "successful" relationship with either sex because of her myriad insecurities. Her phrasing made it seem like she was trying to say, "You don't want to get involved with me, I've got way too many issues." I told her that her issues weren't going to scare me off and that I think she's wonderful, she didn't respond, and I haven't seen her or really spoken to her in about five days. She hasn't been online and I haven't been able to find her on campus. I did send her one text that said "i miss you" and she responded by telling me how busy she's going to be all week. I've got a creeping fear that she's cooled off on me, which my close friends assure me probably isn't the case (though they've yet to meet the girl in question), but I can't convince myself of that. Mysterious cooling-off is a recurring theme in my relationship history and I admit I'm fairly insecure about it.

Can I convince this girl that I adore her and want to be with her, that I'm not scared of helping her through all of her issues and that I'll stand by her no matter what? This girl is unlike anyone I've ever met, I've never felt this strongly about anyone and I want her to know that I sincerely do want to start a real relationship with her. Do I just need to give her space and let her come to me or should I try to talk to her face-to-face about it?

Dating a "seperating" co-worker? WTF?

DetonatedManiac — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 21:33:47 -0800

RelationshipFilter & BizarreSituationFilter: Turns out this Co-worker I have been flirting with seems to like me BUT is going through a separation (thinking about divorce). She is in a delicate situation and I have no experience with this level of (possible) relationship. Should I proceed? How? THERE IS MUCH MORE. Note: This is long, partly because I don't know what is relevant in a situation like this and partly because it helps me to sort this out to write it out completely. If you feel you know the situation from the teaser please skip to answer, but do check out the "blows my mind" section, it's kinda important.

Preface about myself: Young-ish 20 something guy, very little (almost no) dating/relationship experience (all of it basically in High School).

Started working at this job about 2 months ago. Really like the job. Possible pitfalls of navigating an office relationship is a big concern of mine if things continue to build. It is a smaller company of about 50 people in a typical office setting.

This co-worker is about 5 years older than me. She had been friendly (as everyone was) when I started but the last few weeks she started talking to me more frequently (which was weird since she is in a totally different department and job-wise we don't interact at all).

I started to suspect she was flirting with me last week when both of us stayed late (I had to lock-up and she was working on a project) and we struck up a long-ish conversation. I got the impression she wanted me to ask her to dinner, which I did in a round-about way, but then she hesitated and said basically "some other time". I figured I was just getting mixed signals or misinterpreting friendliness for something more.

We had some "lite flirting" this week, no big deal, but then tonight I was locking up and she was working on something and again she started to chat with me, which I pointedly stayed and made myself available to be talked to. We talked about a few things but quickly it turned to her personal situation (which was all her; I said as clearly and politely as I could that I don't want to pry but she insisted she didn't mind and indeed wanted to talk about it).

Turns out that she is one year into a separation and not sure if she wants to go through with a divorce (indeed she had been to see a lawyer to discuss that earlier today). She said this by way of explaining how she feels "conflicted lately" and "does not know what she wants" and "is unsure what to do", which I think she clearly meant as explanation for the mixed signals (which I totally understand).

She said "it was a long story", to which I said "I like long stories (but only if you are comfortable telling it)" to which she went on to discuss her whirlwind courtship, marriage and gradual growing apart from her (possibly soon to be Ex?) Husband.

HERE IS WHERE IT TOTALLY BLOWS MY F***ING MIND.

Turns out her husband has recently been diagnosed Bi-polar, and his erratic behavior (lots of debt, legal troubles (some serious), wild mood swings) is part of what made them grow apart. Now, he has been diagnosed and has had at least one "delusional" (which I take to be manic) episode, but refuses to be medicated.

At the same time, the wild behavior, sense of adventure and "being outside the box" and "breaking the rules" is what drew her to him in the first place (she is a very artistic, open minded type, which I totally like). And she has lots of fond memories of exciting travels and adventures with him.

HERE IS WHAT BLOWS MY MIND:

I too am Bipolar (Bipolar I, probably the same type as him from the description).

I had my time of being off meds and seeing where it leads, but for the last 3 years I have been totally dedicated to my meds and a solid support structure. I won't say I have my shit totally together (c'mon i'm in my early 20s and spent 2 years of my late teens in unmediated craziness!!) but I have NEVER been in anything even approaching legal or financial troubles, let alone the serious trouble he is in.

BUT, I know I am biased in this situation, so when she basically asks me for advice I try to be as non-pushy as possible, when what I really want to say is "run away from this guy, if he doesn't care enough about himself to help himself there is no way in HELL you can save him! He will just bring you down with him" The legal troubles, the financial troubles, all of it sound like a mess.

I did try to give her insight into bipolar (without acknowledging that I too have it) by talking about family members who have both been Psychiatric Nurses and the fact that I have read the DSM multiple times (which all happens to be true). I explained the typically degenerative nature of untreated bi-polar and other things to help give her context about it... And perhaps I did push a little--simply because the more I heard about this guy the more he sounded like a powder keg ready to explode.

Anyway... we talked about some lighter topics and then agreed we should go to lunch some time (maybe a dinner next week?).

SO now I am here digesting all of this and I don't know what to think.

No one in this state (aside from family and my medical advisers) knows that I have bipolar. I'd like to keep it that way. I really don't want to tell her (not for a LONG time) but if something happens here (big if) then I feel sorta obligated to let her know what she is getting into sooner rather than later. I don't know how early is too early and how late is unethically deceptive.

But that presupposes the answer to the most important question: Should I even proceed or encourage this, whatever happens, given the situation? I really like her... but this is just... weird.

What should I do?

Should I look her up and contact her after all this time?

Anonymous — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 08:51:19 -0800

I've been out of contact with a certain friend for about five years now. She'd been dealing with bipolar (and relationship) issues for a while before then, but I'd never witnessed any signs myself. On a lark I recently decided to see if she was in the customer database at work, and she was, but I didn't open the profile. I've worried about her from time to time, but while it's tempting, I don't feel like I should look up her contact info that way. Is there any circumstance under which I could or should? Our mutual friends had fallen out of contact as well, but if any of them have gotten in touch recently, I wouldn't know since I haven't heard from them myself the past few months. So that sort of rules out getting their opinion on the matter.

If it weren't for her personal problems, I'd figure I had nothing to lose by just moving on, and would assume that if she wanted to resume contact, she'd have taken the first step long ago. And I readily admit that calling or writing her from a number/e-mail I found would be too weird.

But considering her (past?) condition, is it possible she'd actually like to hear from an old friend after all this time, regardless of what leads to it? Would it be any different than looking her up in the phone book (AFAIK she's not on any social sites)? Have any of you with first-hand experience in such matters had situations like this? If she'd been going through something when she disappeared, I could see how it might be awkward for her to get in touch again now. Of course, her contact info could be outdated so this could all be moot.

It'd mean a lot to see her again, but I definitely don't want to go about it the wrong way. Any questions, write metafilterrific@hotmail.com. Thanks.

Can I get Health Insurance that covers the other stuff but not my Bipolar?

DetonatedManiac — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 20:46:47 -0800

So, lets tackle this from a different angle: I have bipolar, I want health insurance, but I don't care if it covers nothing about my bipolar (Meds, Psychiatrist, Therapist or, god forbid: In-patient hospital care). Is this possible/affordable? Where do I go? This is a new approach for me. High co-pays, high deductables... whatever. I just want something to cover me if I fall off a roof, get cancer, have a heart attack... you know the things that could cost 100k+. And I don't want to pay an arm and a leg every month

Bonus points if it does cover all or some of my possible future mandatory in-patient mental hospital visits. If not, I will just refuse to go the hospital and have my family lock me in the basement until I get better (just kidding).

How can a bipolar person stop worrying and learn to love the bomb?

mippy — Sun, 31 Aug 2008 11:57:29 -0800

Bipolar filter: is it normal to feel like everything's about to go wrong, and either way, how to move past it, sort yourself out, live in the present and get on with your life? I know I have a lot of good qualities (creativity, smarts, a passion for a thousand different things, humour) and bad traits (disorganisation, poor impulse control, overspending) and things I want to change (diet/weight, living habits, lack of confidence, things I want to learn and do). And I've had a difficult year - moving out of a very shitty flat, difficulty with my illness, problems with my old job then when moving to my next one having that offer withdrawn because of a poor reference, unemployment, breaking a foot and putting weight on because of it.

But it feels like things are turning round. I live in a nice flat with a housemate I get on with. I started a new job three months ago which challenges me, gives me responsibility and pays better than the old one. I'm coming up to a year with my boyfriend, who is a wonderful man that's supported me above and beyond the call of duty as well as making the fun stuff much much more fun. It feels like I'm changing into a different person - an adult - rather than 'lurching from one crisis to the next'.

The problem is I feel infused with paranoia and worry. I'm on probation at work, and end up evaluating each day as 'good' or 'bad', feeling like I make hideous mistakes, or that I'm not learning fast enough. The people I work with are different to my former colleagues in that they're party people (lots of drinking, dancing, drugs) which a) I can't participate in because of meds b) clubbing really really bores me, and I like reading and making things and taking pictures and thinking about things, but to many this seems dull or 'look at me I'm so quirky'. It's quite a gossipy workplace, and I worry that I won't be seen as good enough when my six months are up. I constantly think, whenever there's a meeting, that it's about me and how hiring me was a mistake. For the first month, it was 'what if I got a bad reference and they'll have to dismiss me'.

I worry that my housemate (she's also the landlady) will want me to move out, because I'm not clean and tidy enough. Note that this and the work thing above may be based on my not doing something I should, but instead of Actually Doing Something I get kind of paralysed by worry.

I'm trying hard to be less of a hoarder and overspending, but I seem to spite myself and give in to bad habits too much. The overspending was because I feel too anxious in the present, or as though I'm not 'finished' yet, but in the future X Y and Z might happen and it will all be better and I'll have item A B or C for it.

And while I've kicked self-harm, I seem to get something in my head when I worry and panic that tells me I should cut or, on one occasion, that I should jump on the tube tracks when a second earlier all I was doing was looking for mice and thinking about what to have for tea. 'Hearing voices' sounds dreadfully melodramatic and I'm pretty sure it's part of my brain rather than me thinking it's outside of it, like whispering in my ear, but I don't like it. I take 40mg of Citalopram and 750mg sodium valproate each day, on which I'm quite stable but I had a couple of weeks recently where I didn't take them due to a mess-up with my prescription, and I wonder if the increased worry is something to do with that. (Yes I - and the PPC that send me my prescription card - are idiots.)

I'm sorry, this got rambly. Basically, I want to change things and enjoy things and do the best I can and not do the messing up purely because I worry. How?

I've got the opposite sleep problem!

dithmer — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 21:12:21 -0800

Instead of not being able to get up in the mornings, I have a problem with waking up TOO early. Typically I go to sleep around midnight-1:00 am (it's when I start getting tired) but for the last 2 months or so I've been waking up anywhere between 5:00 am to 7ish, and my alarm doesn't go off until 8:15. Usually it's when I wake up because I have to go to the bathroom (and I don't drink anything before bed) but once I wake up I'm awake awake. If I try to close my eyes and fall back asleep, it's useless. I'm still getting 5-7 hours of sleep a night but this happening every night is catching up with me.

Stuff that might be important:
I was diagnosed bipolar about a year ago. I'm on Wellbutrin (300mg) for the depression and Lamictal (200mg) for the manic behavior.

I just recently lowered my Lamictal to 150mg because it's giving me (I think it's responsible) digestive problems.

I am between psychiatrists because my last one didn't listen to me at all (so any meds adjusting I'm doing is on my own, I know, terrible idea).

I drink no coffee at all. I do drink a can of diet soda a day, usually, but it's no later than 2 in the afternoon. And that's been the case for months before these problems started.

I've never been one to sleep in. I think the latest I've slept in years is 9:00 a.m.

I have a medicinal marijuana card. I was smoking it fairly frequently for a period of time after a long depressive episode, and I began to realize it really helps stabilize my moods. My swinging is way less frequent and extreme. And it also helps me fall asleep at night, which can be a problem for me too.

Every sleeping pill I've run into helps you FALL asleep, not stay asleep. I'm a morning person so I'm not terribly worried about drowsiness - I have a lot of energy. But what meds to turn to? Or is there something else I can't think of (Non-medicines and the like).

Thank you!

I'm cured! Now what?

xchmp — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 16:36:28 -0800

I've spent the last fifteen years suffering from bipolar disorder (bipolar II with the emphasis on depression) and a sleep disorder. Four months ago I switched to a medication that turns out to be perfect for me. I feel normal. Assuming this continues, my mood disorder is essentially cured. Fifteen years of mental illness have really screwed up my life. How do I get it back? I'm a 26 year old guy living in the UK. As a child I was academically gifted, but depression got in the way of qualifications. I eventually went to university - though not a good one - and graduated with a 2:1 in politics. Although I have no formal qualifications I'm reasonably good at computer-related stuff.

Since then I've worked in call-centres. Depending on the amount of effort I put into waking up, I either lose jobs from being hours late or feel terrible through lack of sleep. I went kind of crazy after a year of averaging 3 hours of sleep a night. For the last year and a half I've been off work. The sleep problem is not insomnia. I can get enough sleep if I can sleep whenever I need to. I can't maintain a fixed sleep schedule. This may mean that I'll be unable to work full time.

Although there have been a couple of casual things, my last relationship was the only serious one I've had and she was rather unstable herself. We broke up two years ago. My social circle is generally very narrow, although I have at least one good friend locally and a number of people from university who I see now and again.

I have very obvious self-harm scars, which I'm fairly comfortable with. I suspect other people may not be. This could contemplate employment (I'm not planning to go to interviews wearing short sleeves, but neither am I prepared never to wear short sleeves around colleagues). Also, I suspect they're something that will make people rule me out as someone they'd consider dating.

Other stuff, I'm in therapy (although this will end soon as it's provided by the NHS). I'm volunteering at a charity and currently working on an IT-related project for them.

So what do I want? I want a life. In fact, I want the life I thought I was going to get back before I became ill. Qualifications, a job that isn't in a call-centre, friends, relationships. But I don't know how to get there from here. How do I decide what to do with my life? How do I make up for all the social skills I've missed out on? In short, how do I make up for fifteen wasted years?

Lexapro/bupropion: light at the end, or just a really long tunnel?

anthom — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 11:53:17 -0800

Without going into whole life stories/clinical history, I just want to know - does the exaggerated anxiety that appears as a side effect of Wellbutrin subside after a while? My wife was prescribed Wellbutrin (actually, generic bupropion) to augment her current antidepressant (Lexapro) Wednesday. Over the past week, she had been anxious, but able to function. Yesterday, after taking the bupropion, the anxiety became too much, she felt "fidgety" all day, and broke down into several panic attacks. She said she couldn't control her thoughts, or get out of her own way enough to do anything. Today, she's ever so slightly better (no major crying/panic attacks), but the crippling anxiety and fidgety-ness still seem to be there.

She's suffered from depression and anxiety for years, so naturally I'm curious as to why her psychiatrist would prescribe her something that lists anxiety and agitation among its first few side effects, but IANAD, so I'd assume he knows what he's doing. After talking to him yesterday, he also prescribed her some Xanax or something similar in an attempt to take the edge off. Understandably, she only wants to take them as a last resort, since they basically knock her out.

Of course, YA also NAD. That being said, is there reason to believe this will pass (or at least lessen in severity), or do we wait out the weekend and call her psych Monday to say "this isn't working"?