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What should I (not) say in a wedding toast for my father?

Anonymous — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 10:35:07 -0800

I am going to be my father's best man. What special considerations do I need to take into account for my toast? Any particularly good/bad examples of what to say based on experience? This will be my father's third marriage and his fiancee's second. They're both at about retirement age and don't want it to be a Big Deal.

The background: My mother (his first wife) passed away when I was young and a couple of her siblings--with whom my father is still fairly close--will be in attendance; his second wife is someone we are very glad is out of our lives now. His fiancee (the bride) is on good terms with her ex-husband and he and his wife will probably be in attendance as well. So there are a lot of odd (but not tense) relationship dynamics at play.

The upshot of what I want to say is I'm happy for him and I like her; they have complimentary interests and I think they'll be good together. I know that it's generally a good idea to not talk about previous marriages and I intend to work with that...I'm just wondering who/what else to acknowledge. I've seen good previous general toasting advice here, but it's the generational specifics that confound me.

Guest-list doom

randomination — Tue, 06 Nov 2007 05:39:34 -0800

My mother is making me choose between her and my best man. WEDDING.

A word to strike fear in the heart.

Weddings really are the perfect storm -- a combination of large sums of money which may or may not have strings, event planning, family members who never see or speak to each other, and the pressure to get everything perfect on the day.

In my case, the wave that's threatening to break the mast of the ship is that my mother has declared she will not come to the wedding if the person I've made my best man, who I will hereonafter dub the generic male name of Dave, attends.

I know my parents -- mostly my mother -- dislike Dave. There's no reason for this. They've traditionally disapproved of many of my close friends, and my bride is my first friend they've not started sniping about for a long, long time.

My parents are overjoyed I'm actually getting married. They've bought outfits. And we did all we could, in advance, to prevent any conflict happening. Six months ago, I broached the subject of people attending they may dislike. They seemed fine.

I then told them that Dave, and a few other people my parents dislike, would be there. My mother replied it was up to us who to invite, she didn't mind at all.

I said to Dave I'd like him to be my best man, but it would depend on whether my mother would be upset with it. He said he understood. (Dave bears no ill-will towards my mother at all and has bore this very well.)

Last week, I told my parents I would make Dave my best man, and they said that would be fine, they were happy for us.

But last night, my mother suddenly changed her mind. She announced she would not attend the wedding if Dave comes, even if I strip him of all his bestmanly duties.

Dave's list of crimes, dictated by my father as my mother refuses to talk about the issue sensibly, include: turning me away from religion, introducing me to women and drink (Dave doesn't drink and is happily married), stealing from me, conniving against them, and encouraging me into an "unnaturally close relationship", the nature of which I can only guess at from her strict Irish Catholic imagination.

My mother's dislike, um, hatred of him appears to be based on explaining away the choices I took as a teenager and adult that she didn't approve of. Turning away from religion and towards women and drink and song is pretty much universal, and I am no teenage rebel. I am proud to be nerd.

I've known Dave for two-thirds of my life. He's a good human being without a chromosome of evil in him. If anything, he's been a positive influence on me. He's offered to do whatever it takes to sort this out, although he doesn't know about this latest development... yet.

As a groom, my first duty is to my bride. She is furious, and thinks that an unsealable rift will open up between us and my mother if she boycotts the wedding. But we've agreed to not let this come between us. She, also, is bearing this well.

Me, I would rather not choose, and if my hand were forced, I believe neither my mother or Dave should come. I'd like to talk to my mother sensibly about this, and point out, for instance, Dave doesn't drink, but she screams me down, tries to make me feel guilty, hangs up the phone... She won't listen to reason, to the extent that I worry about her mental health. I'd love to try and see her point of view, but it's not based on reality.

In conclusion, this is a case of one good person with an irrational disgust towards another good person, threatening to ruin the magical wedding of two more good people. Have you been through something similar? Advice?

FYI, the wedding is next summer, and bride and I are only children.

How to make a wedding toast when you only know one half of the couple?

Elmo Oxygen — Mon, 09 Jul 2007 09:49:59 -0800

I'm supposed to give a toast at my friend's wedding, but I don't really know his fiancee very well. What should I say? My friend and I have been close since high school. For the last 6 years or so, we've been living on opposite coasts. However, we see each other at least once a year, and talk every month or so. He's asked me to be the best man at his wedding, and I've gladly accepted.

From what I understand, the best man makes a toast. I imagine that the toast should be to the couple, and not just to the groom. I have a ton of things to say about my friend, however, I really don't know his fiancee very well at all. I mean, she seems really cool, but we've only really hung out a few times.

What can I say about this person who I barely know that one of my best, oldest friends is about to marry?

Also, do you have any other tips for giving the toast? I've never given a toast before, let alone one as important as this.

Best Man Speech Help

dieguido — Fri, 14 Jul 2006 10:32:08 -0800

I am the best man at an upcoming wedding. i have the speech almost completely written and i am happy with it. the one problem i have is how do i start it? i really want to thank the bride/groom parents and people for attending but every attempt at writing that down comes out as incredibly awkward. please, any advice is much appreciated. oh, and when do i stand up and deliver this speech? will i be told by someone or at some lull during the dinner service do i just go for it?

Responsibilities of Best Man?

sdis — Sun, 14 May 2006 23:44:30 -0800

I'm best man at my friend's wedding in July. What are all of my responsibilities? So I need a list of what Best Man usually does, preferably in three lists:
1. Stuff he does without consulting with the groom
2. Stuff he usually does, but should consult with the groom first.
3. Other stuff that needs to be discussed with the groom before July.

German jokes at a bi-lingual wedding

ajp — Mon, 03 Apr 2006 15:22:41 -0800

How do I make a multi-lingual best man's speech at a German wedding? Very similar to this previous post I am to make the best man's speech at a German wedding. However there are some differences from the other post.

First, both bride and groom are German, child-hood sweet-hearts from the south of western Germany. The wedding will be in Germany, the guests will mainly be German with some English, Italian, and other nationalities. I'm told that most people will understand English, but I'd like to do something that will reach everyone, and particularly the German-only speakers.

Second, it has been specifically requested that there be no props, photos, PowerPoint, etc. Frankly, that's making things a lot trickier, but I suppose I'll have to go along with it.

I am looking for a way to break any language barriers and encourage everyone to mingle. I'm thinking of drawing inspiration from Eddie Izzard's "le singe est dans l'arbre" skit, wherein he parodies the useless French he learned at school. Possibly I'll take a German joke as the theme for the speech, or an English joke and transcribe it into German... who knows.

Any suggestions for the best approach to take? I don't really need any tips on German etiquette or weddings in general, just how to make a bi-lingual speech without saying everything twice, and without leaving half the audience waiting for a translation. Oh, I can speak a smattering of German and have friends who would help with translation.

Wedding gift ideas for a best man to give to his brother

clgregor — Sun, 08 Jan 2006 07:29:15 -0800

What should my brother and I give our middle brother and soon-to-be sister-in-law as a wedding gift? We're co-best men. I feel like something off their registry is not that memorable, particularily as a gift from the co-best men. (i.e. Congratulations! Here's a mixing bowl! I know you will cherish it forever and rember us always when you use it.) My brother is thinking of just giving money, which doesn't seem too memorable. And a crystal vase really doesn't seem fitting for us to give them either. Other details: Our budget is probably a few hundred dollars. We are taking care of travel and arrangements for the bachelor party. We are both flying to the wedding. We both are very happy for our brother, the first to get married, and like his fiance very much.

How do I give a Best Man's Speach/Toast

Steve_at_Linnwood — Tue, 07 Jun 2005 15:28:46 -0800

Help! I am the Best Man in a wedding on Saturday. I understand I am expected to give a speach/toast at some point. Problem is, the last time I was at a wedding I was 10 years-old. I have no idea what kind of speech or toast the Best Man gives... What is traditional of the Best Man's speech, when is it given, etc....

What should be in my best man's speech in Mexico?

kahboom — Wed, 13 Oct 2004 11:16:12 -0800

One of my best friends is getting married, and I am thrilled to be the best man. I have to write a speech. Now, that's tricky enough in and of itself, but there's an additional wrinkle: My friend is having a pretty traditional wedding in Mexico. My Spanish is somewhat broken, but I have friends and family who can help me translate whatever I write. My question is: what is appropriate in such a speech in Mexico? How long should it be? What can I expect? More inside... Pretty traditional parts of a best man speech seem to be anecdotes about the groom, a bit of humorous banter, statements about how good the couple is together and how lucky the guy is to have found such a wonderful girl (All true, in this case), then rounding off with best wishes and a toast.

I should probably stay away from the humorous, since it'll be hard to tell what will go over well and what will not. I should probably also thank the parents in the speech? About 1/5 of the guests will be non-spanish-speaking Americans... Should I intersperse English and Spanish paragraphs? Go Spanish only? Do English first, then Spanish?

I am very nervous about this and desperately don't want to screw this up. If you've been to a Mexican wedding, or can help me a bit with some of the cultural differences and expectations, I would be very grateful