Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with benefit

Sex with an ex?

bananaskin — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 12:15:25 -0800

I'd like to hear stories or comments from others who have slept with their exes. I am a woman in my 40's....I had dated my ex-boyfriend for about 2 years, off and on. He was an alcoholic & liar during that time. Slept with other women without telling me supposedly during our "off" times, but there were definately overlapping times in which he never disclosed what he was doing. I found out and broke it off, then we got back together and on the cycle went. He no longer sleeps with other women, or so he says. Of course I do not believe him. He stopped drinking 6 months ago. But his basic selfishness & dishonesty continued.

Anyway, during our last break up & no contact for 6 weeks, I finally caved and called him to come over in the middle of the night, "just for sex". Of course, he comes over, jumping at the chance for sex. I had thought in the past, and wonder now if sex was his sole or main desire all along, not a real relationship.

We now have done this 2 times, and the experience was good, I guess. It was just plain sex. There was no intimacy. In fact, the whole thing from beginning to end was in the dark with absolutely no eye contact. I still hate him, but feel good to have this physical comfort, being quite lonely. I am "using" him now, and that feels like some sort of revenge, but I am sure he is not being hurt at all in this, as he enjoys it too.

I just wonder, how do you keep from getting hurt out of something like this? This really is not my nature, as I really want to have an emotional, real, relationship with sex growing out of that. I have found that I feel a little sad and dissappointed with the emptiness, being that the sex is devoid of any communication, intimacy, sharing of emotion. But I find if he just comes over late at night, then leaves right away, I can sort of "compartmentalize" this away from the rest of my daily life.

At the same time, it does feel a little liberating to just use him for sex and enjoy it just for that.

Any other people out there who have done this and have some stories to share or advice?
Thank you.

Fun birthday ideas for fantasy-sci-fi fan/crafter/science nerd/animal lover?

Jennifer S. — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 15:50:31 -0800

Ideas for a birthday week of fun for a lover of animals, sci-fi/fantasy and crafting? I’ll be 40 in March. I want to mark the occasion with a week of fun for me and my friends.

I’m looking for ideas/suggestions about four things I want to make happen (what do I do, and how do I pull it all off well?):

* a benefit for a local 24-hour emergency vet or other animal charity. Tips and ideas?

* a day of creativity for a knitter/crafter & her friends: a knitter’s tea? A knitting retreat in a wooded cabin? A shibori party? What have you done that's fun?

* something that celebrates sci-fi fantasy: not too many ideas here! A movie-watching get-together? I’m a fan of Doctor Who (all seasons), Star Trek TNG, Spaced, BSG, Heroes, Lost, Harry Potter… Ideas?

* something science-nerdy: a tour of the local observatory? A lecture? I’m in Western NC and would love something fun to do in early/mid-March for someone who loves the physical and natural sciences.

What have you done that was fun and successful?

Dog "magazine" to benefit shelter--ever seen one?

HotToddy — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 11:33:05 -0800

I'm thinking of doing a small quarterly publication on caring for dogs (basic training, dealing with behavioral issues, fun things to do with your dog, etc.) to benefit my local animal shelter, and I'm wondering whether I'm reinventing the wheel. Have you ever seen such a thing in your area? If so, please tell me everything you know about it. Also, if you saw something like this at the cash register for $1, proceeds to benefit the shelter, would you buy it? All comments/advice welcome.

What else is in this invisible backpack?

twirlypen — Thu, 29 May 2008 16:19:25 -0800

I'm a straight, white, upper middle class male. I'm aware that this automatically means I generally have an easier time than people with a different sexuality/race/class/gender. That said, I'm probably unaware of what these benefits are. What does this 'privileged' status do for me that I don't even notice? I've read Peggy McIntosh's 'Invisible Backpack', which was actually the reason for asking this question. It opened my eyes to a lot of the things my race does for me that I never realised, and led me to wonder what else I benefit from without realising. Hopefully, by being aware of these things, I can be more able to notice when they don't happen for other people.

I know the broad things- I can get married because I'm straight, on average I'll earn more because I'm male, etc. I'm interested in the smaller, daily things that go on without my noticing.

If we build it will they come?

gfrobe — Mon, 26 May 2008 03:45:22 -0800

Say a large web based company like Amazon or eBay wants to roll out a major new feature but first needs to perform a cost benefit analysis. What's the process used to forecast the benefits? Assuming this new feature is something competitors don't offer and is going to cost a lot of money to build and implement,I'm curious what methods companies use to forecast how much additional traffic and revenue the new feature will bring.

Members Only!

Ambrosia Voyeur — Sun, 13 Jan 2008 13:23:06 -0800

What are some retail credit card accounts (ie Macy's Card) that deliver good freebies, coupons, discounts or other promos for members? I have an Express Card, and for as much as I will shop there, every time I go I have a pretty good discount coupon in hand. Once a month at least, they send a "$15 off your next purchase" or "$30 off $100" or similar discount to me, as well as coupons for freebies like travel bags, compacts, purses, with next purchase. The retail value of these promos covers the fees on my card's low balance, and though I know that's a soft value, I'd already be shopping there, so it definitely feels win-win for me.

But, I can't just buy sequined tanks ad infinitum. I have to buy housewares and power tools at some point!

So, what are some other retail credit accounts that supply good member perks like this?

Interesting & unusual medicine or tonics or elixirs in China

gttommy — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 16:19:27 -0800

ChinaFilter: What are some interesting and unusual medicine or tonics or elixirs I can buy in China that is not readily available anywhere else? I'm currently in Hangzhou and I want to know if there is anything interesting I can purchase. I'm wondering if there is any interesting tonics or potions or whatever that alleges to provide some personal benefit yet is relatively unknown or not proven by Western science. Could even be some strange device.

Mainly, I intend to send them back to Australia as gifts.

It can be ordinary. Doesn't have to actually work. Needs to be safe.

Suggestions please! Personal anecdotes also welcome.

Name my festival!

jlowen — Thu, 12 Apr 2007 14:01:10 -0800

Help me devise a cool name for a Small music festival we are hosting to benefit a Student Organizing group. I am an organizer with a group called "Students United". Its a kick ass social justice oriented group that organizes high school students to improve their schools and communities in Wichita, KS. Lately the group has gotten some national attention on its efforts to regulate the presence of tasers in our public schools...

At the end of this month we are throwing a benefit concert featuring 6-8 different student bands to support our organization. We have the venue, we have the bands, now we need a awesome name for what will hopefully become an annual event.

Right now the flyer says "Rock for your Rights!" and I hate it.

I've seen you all get real creative before, now I need to tap the power of the hive mind. What shall we call our concert?

Help me budget for a free education

hamster — Mon, 09 Apr 2007 13:13:48 -0800

What will my free degree cost me, and how can I make it pay? What can I expect to pay on my free tuition benefit?

My job pays for me to attend a graduate program one class at a time. I've been told to expect to pay taxes on this benefit because it counts as income. I take 12 credits/year at $400/credit, plus about $60 in annual fees. ($4860/annum)

What expenses can I write off while I'm in school? I know I can defer my undergraduate loans because I'm enrolled half-time. Can I write off books and transportation (I'm not living on campus)?

Fianlly, can I apply for federal or state loans for my education, even though it's being covered by my employer? For instance, can I take out a lower-interest Stafford loan and pay off my high-interest credit card?

Thanks in advance!

Best online auction site for a nonprofit's benefit artwork auction?

letitrain — Mon, 02 Apr 2007 23:00:40 -0800

I'm doing some volunteer web work for a small nonprofit. They want to auction artwork online in advance of a benefit event. They need an auction service to handle the bidding. Bidders would be local residents, items would be priced in the low hundreds of dollars, and the nonprofit would handle delivery of the art. Any easy to set up, easy for users to register and use, inexpensive providers out there?

Who speaks Indonesian?

FearAndLoathingInLJ — Sat, 22 Jul 2006 01:48:16 -0800

Does any one speak Javanese? I need a Javanese or Indonesian translation of a couple of words for a Tsunami Relief Concert. In the upcoming weeks, I am promoting a tsunami relief concert for the Indonesian Red Cross to help rebuild after the terrible incident last Monday. We have yet to name this benefit concert, and we were looking for an authentic Javanese word that translated to something along the lines of "help" or "survive" or "benefit," whichever has the best ring to it.

If no here speaks Javanese, we'd settle for an Indonesian tranlation as well. Any other words that might be appropriate, in either of those languages, are welcomed as suggestions as well.

Ethanol's pros and cons

Blazecock Pileon — Mon, 19 Jun 2006 11:57:52 -0800

How much does an x% ethanol gasoline blend product reduce mileage? Does the environmental benefit from ethanol blends outweigh the increased consumption of gasoline products? Or is the benefit negligible for the consumer? Though ethanol burns cleaner, it apparently holds less chemical energy for the same volume. After noticing local gas stations selling (only) 10% ethanol blends at higher prices, I'm curious about how much of an effect this has on mileage. Most of the information I've found (from corn growers) is handwaving, inconclusive or apologetic.

After all, if the fuel burns faster and costs more, and the ethanol supply is subsidized, that means more frequent and profitable repeat business for energy suppliers and corn growing-conglomerates like ADM.

Further, more frequent trips to the gas station mean increased emissions for the same energy dollars spent in the country.

Also, I imagine that ethanol corrosion also means more dollars spent on parts replacement and labor in the automobile maintenance industries, which also has a waste impact on the environment (more stuff put into landfills at a faster rate).

Do the ethanol products have a genuine and pronounced net benefit to the environment or is this about profit for energy, agribusiness and automobile corporations?

Cancer benefit

j.p. Hung — Thu, 08 Dec 2005 08:59:27 -0800

So we're throwing a large benefit for a friend diagnosed with Squamous Cell Cancer and could use some suggestions on how to keep it interesting I've been to a bunch of these things over the years and inevitably, it's the same thing: A beef and beer with music. Well, this one isn't much different but we'd like it to be. The benefit is being held for a pretty well known Philly musician who is part of one of the areas bigger rhythm and blues bands. He's got a lot of friends in the industry which is demonstrated by the 20 bands (yes, twenty) donating their time toward the effort. There will be local newspaper support as well as some radio spots promoting it.

Here's the deal. We have a fairly large facility (holds about 400-500 people). Bands have full back-line, lighting, the works (donated by Guitar Center). Each band gets about 30 min sets and in between there are acoustic players as the other bands set up. The event runs for 10 hours - the idea being that people can show up at any time and support the event, regardless of whether they might have some other things going on that day. Several companies have donated items for a chinese auction....and of course we will be doing the ever popular 50/50. Aside from that, there isn't much else planned at the moment.

Sorry for being so long winded, just trying to provide as much info as possible.

So...what I'm asking is: Has anyone here been to a good benefit? What made it so good? What can we do to keep it interesting aside from the bands? Any suggestions??

Planning a Silent Auction

crush-onastick — Tue, 05 Oct 2004 08:12:51 -0800

out of my depth: i'm on the holiday benefit planning committee of a local philanthropy which advocates for architectural preservation, on the silent auction and raffle subcommittee. tip, suggestions, approaches for getting businesses to donate goods for the auction? tips for getting people to bid? when you go to charity gigs, what do you like to see? we're keeping entrance ticket prices low (in part to encourage membership among young professionals, students and others not in high income brackets), but also because we hope people will participate in the auction if they haven't already spent a bundle to get in. we expect to have enough booze donated for an open bar. what else can we do?