What do I do about my food-addicted boyfriend?

Anonymous — Fri, 16 Dec 2005 20:55:00 -0800

My boyfriend of three years has an eating disorder. It's getting worse, and I need help (advice, emotional support, AskMeFi words of wisdom). About a year and a half ago, he broke down and told me all about it. How he is a compulsive overeater, how when our relationship went through a long-distance period and I was living a few hundred miles away he would go to three different restaurants for three different meals before going out to eat with friends, or he'd get a few frozen pizzas and eat them all at home, all the while lying and telling me he had "a burrito" or something normal for dinner. We had a long heart to heart about it at that point, and I expressed how hurt and upset I was that he had been lying to me, but I would try to be supportive and understanding, with the caveat that he never keep things from me again. I promised not to judge him, in exchange for his promise that he would be open with me about it and work on it.

Since then we've moved in together and been living together for over a year. He started going to Weight Watchers meetings earlier this year and lost over 50 pounds. He took a little bit of a slide when he lost his job a month ago and stopped going to the meetings for a few weeks and gained a few pounds back, but it didn't seem like a huge deal.

Last night I stumbled on his bank statement, accidentally thinking it was mine (we have the same bank). When I saw three consecutive McDonald's charges, I got curious. I'm vegetarian, and was vegan when we began dating. I made it clear from the get go that I have no interest in dating someone who eats meat, and we don't live a "fast food" lifestyle. I don't eat fast food, and I despise it. His whole bank statement was full of charges at KFC, Carl's Jr., JITB, McDonalds. Keep in mind, this is a guy who couldn't afford to pay his bills this month, has maxed out credit cards, and sold some of his guitar equipment to take me out for my birthday last month. There are hundreds of dollars in fast food charges on his statement.

Of course I freaked out. I freaked out a lot, I yelled, screamed, sobbed, called my best friend, and took a bath. Luckily he wasn't home at the time and I had a chance to get my wits about me before sitting down to a calm, rational talk. He agreed to go to therapy weekly (he was previously really resistant), agreed to go back to Weight Watchers and stick with it, and we worked out a few others things that may help. At this point, I'm just taking a "wait and see" kind of stance. What I really need is advice from people who've dealt with this, mental health professionals, words of wisdom that can help me get over the hurt and frustration of being lied to. Is it possible for someone who's been doing this to themselves and lying about it for the last 15 years to beat an eating disorder? What can I do to help myself, other than seeing a therapist?

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What do I do about my food-addicted boyfriend?