Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with behaviormodification

Pissing Puking Furball I Love So Very Much

Ambrosia Voyeur — Sun, 28 Dec 2008 18:00:05 -0800

My cat is being a neurotic asshole, spewing noxious fluids. Please help. Okay so I get home today from five days out of town and find that my cat (I have two, but I am confident it is just my Stripey Guy, 6 y/o) has pissed on ALL my living room furniture. Two easy chairs and a couch. Also some pretty copious vomit on the floor. No hairballs, just a bellyful of vomit.

This is clearly behavioral, and I need training tips.

He has peed inappropriately before, but usually only if his litter was left too dirty, and then in whatever soft pile of fabric he can find. Once he peed on my friend's feet as they slept in a sleeping bag.

I think presently he's freaking out because we have a housemate now, who, I take it, just took off to stay with his mom rather than clean up after this in our absence. I don't know how much their relationship is an issue, but suffice it to say, he keeps his bedroom door closed because his laundry is, historically, pee target #1, and he doesn't really like cats. I think the neurotic cat knows and is hurt by this. Hey, we all overanalyze our cats.

So, we take off, housemate stays, and Stripey Guy goes on a pissy party. He never freaked out pissing in our absence before, when we didn't have a housemate.

- How can we ensure this doesn't happen again?
- Is the vomiting also behavioral?
- Can/Should we shut him in our bedroom? Is that too little space for a 13 lb cat for several days? We might be able to blockade him in our bedroom suite which includes the laundry room where he usually eats and a small bathroom.
- Do we need to arrange a pet sitter to change his litter and/or give him attention while we're away? (He's very timid.) Would that be helpful for the whole-house scenario, or just for the restricted-range plan?
- Do we need to try to make my housemate and cat friendlier? That sounds embarrassing.
- Are there "fuck off, cat" sprays that work for furniture?
- What DO I DO?

How can I stop taking after my mother?

justonegirl — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 17:18:19 -0800

What are some ways to actively avoid emulating undesirable behaviors of a family member? (In other words, how do I not end up like my mom?) Like many women, I have issues with my mom -- I love her and enjoy her company sometimes, but there are some behaviors of hers that drive me up a wall. I hate them. Things like failing to ask for things directly and instead being upset when someone doesn't read her mind, blowing issues out of proportion in a melodramatic fashion, sniping at loved ones, etc. I could go on for hours about all the little things that make her negative, passive-aggressive, disrespectful of her spouse, and just a pain in the ass to be around. (And my grandmother was the same way, and my mom always claimed to hate it.)

Unfortunately, as the years go by, I find myself exhibiting some of these very same behaviors, and it's really upsetting to me. Occasionally I'll realize as I'm doing it, but usually it's in that I-know-I-shouldn't-say-this-but-I-can't-stop-myself way. More often, I'll be reflecting on some spat with a loved one and think to myself, "God, I acted just like my mother would've."

I really, desperately want to stop being like her. I am wondering if there are concrete ways to work toward this goal, beyond just identifying the behaviors and wanting to stop them. These are bad habits acquired over many years, the behaviors often happen before I can control them, and I'm not the most emotionally controlled person on earth (meaning I tend toward the melodramatic at times and have a quick temper, and often act before I think). However, I really am committed to reprogramming myself to not be like my mother. Any suggestions are appreciated.

Seasons change, but people don't??

srrh — Sun, 29 Apr 2007 19:26:17 -0800

How can a compulsive liar change their ways? Someone very dear to me is, and has been as long as I have known him, a chronic compulsive liar. He has a good heart, and doesn't usually ever set out to hurt anyone. However, he has, literally, a compulsion to lie. Even simple questions, like who he has gone to lunch with, are often met with fabrications, and he can't articulate the reasons he does this.

A lot of the things he lies about do make more sense though -- rather than ever risk any discomfort or worrying anyone or hurting their feelings, he will make up something, even to those he loves and cares about the most.

However, he is committed to changing. He has been in counseling since February, which seemed to help temporarily, but he has fallen back into old habits. Things have come to a head for him recently because of his lying problem, and he knows he really does have to change now. He is struggling though. How can someone change a habit like this that is so ingrained, and also so hurtful to those around them? Any MeFites with advice?

Practical Jewelry

sourwookie — Fri, 08 Apr 2005 09:25:34 -0800

I need help finding inexpensive metal rings with a single letter on them. In an attempt to change some habits, I've decided that as a concrete reminder that some nice-looking rings, each with a letter on them (that has a meaning to me) may do the trick. I would like them to be silver in color, kinda elegant, and less than 10 bucks a pop. The idea is that everytime I look an see the "P" on my finger I will straighten my posture, or when I put on the "T" before I go out to the bars I will remember to talk less.

Reading attention span.

trey — Fri, 11 Mar 2005 13:22:59 -0800

I used to be able to read for hours. Now I'm lucky if I can read for ten minutes before checking my e-mail. What to do? In my teenage years and early twenties, I would lose track of time because I would become so engrossed in my reading. In the past five years or so, I find it impossible to read. My main problem is focusing/attention. I don't meet the criteria for "Adult ADD" and I don't imbibe an abnormal amount of caffeine. Every ten minutes or so, I find myself wandering back to the computer to check the news, check my e-mail, etc. (I also don't meet the criteria for so-called "internet addiction.")

I chalked this up initially to the fact that my reading has become increasingly dry and complicated (I'm a graduate student) but I find that the same thing happens with fiction. What are your strategies for becoming more focused for long periods of time?

The catch: I'm a graduate student in PSYCHOLOGY so I'm immediately skeptical of most suggestions, but I'm going to keep an open mind here.

Parenting impulsive kids

sacre_bleu — Sun, 23 Jan 2005 17:44:02 -0800

Do you have any experience in dealing with smart, energetic kids with impulse problems and oppositional attitudes, with or without ADHD diagnosis? We're looking for dietary, behavioral modification or even meds suggestions. [MI] Our daughter is book-smart. She’s a voracious reader, and praised by her teacher except for her tendency to daydream, lose focus or fail to follow directions. At home, it’s a different story. She’s prone to explosive temper tantrums, nonstop arguing with parents over anything, general histrionics and noisy wails of misery and injustice when we ask her to, for instance, pick up her shoes. Cries of “Nobody loves me,” “You never make (one of her two smaller siblings) do that,” and “I get treated like a slave in this house” are too numerous to note.

She’s been a handful since she was born. (The peds nurse brought her, days old, into my wife’s room at the hospital and said cheerfully: “This one’s got a temper.” What a rotten thing to say, we thought. Well, she was right.)

She’s four-foot-two and 85 lbs. She was born without a thyroid and takes Synthroid. She was diagnosed with ADHD last month, and was started on Concerta 18 mg. This was a huge step for us, as we have been extremely reluctant to medicate her for behavior. But it had gotten to such a point that we were willing to consider it.

The first week on Concerta, it was like we had the 8-year-old of our dreams. She came home from school saying “It worked!” When she went to bed that night, after quietly doing her homework, coloring nicely with her sister, etc., she said “This was the best day ever.”

Then it started wearing off. After eight days, we’re back to square one, or close to it. We tried Concerta 27 mg, for one day. It seemed worse, with big emotional outbursts, which we were warned about.

So:

1. Any suggestions on dealing with the oppositional behavior, other than tinkering with meds? (Average exchange repeated 100x daily: Please pick up your socks. “No. I didn’t put them there. (Sister) put them there. You’re always so mean to me.”)

2. Any meds suggestions or insights into pros and cons of Concerta for this type of behavior?

3. Any diet or nutrition suggestions for ADHD, impulsive or oppositional behavior that you know of specifically helping someone?

Oh, just to get it out of the way: I know you are not a doctor. I will not take any medical advice from strangers over the interweb. But I will sure use it as a jumping-off point for research or questioning of relevant medical professionals I pay for the pleasure. And thank you one and all.

Why does our cat pee on our clothes, and how can I stop her?

jennyb — Wed, 12 May 2004 11:05:01 -0800

CatPeeFilter: Why does our cat pee on our clothes, and how can I stop her? (more inside) We have three cats, one seven years old, one two years old, and one just a year old. We think it’s the youngest with the problem because whenever there are clothes on the floor or in a basket, she paws at them and hides in them and rolls around in them. Plus I’ve never had the joy of picking up a cat pee-soaked t-shirt off the floor until about six months after we got the little twerp. All three cats get along famously; they play and sleep and eat and snuggle together and show no sign of anger towards each other. We have two litter boxes which we unfailingly clean twice a day. All three cats were given clean bills of health at their last check up, which was a little under a year ago, and besides, the only place this peeing happens is on wadded up clothing. And only clothes on the floor or in a laundry basket. And never towels. Her aim just seems way to specific to be health related.

Obviously, we have stopped leaving piles of laundry around, and we have the luxury of a spare bedroom where we can keep laundry in its various phases, but we’re moving in a couple months and may not have a cat-free room where we can hide things.

She’s a weird ass cat in general, so I tend to think there’s nothing to do about it, but ask.mefi seems to do well with cat pee related questions so I figured, what the hell.