Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with beauty

SKIN CARE REGIMEN IDEAS

Spice_and_Ice — Tue, 21 May 2013 12:20:35 -0800

Looking for tips and tricks to come up with a skin care regimen for myself (31, F, with a beautiful baby). My goal is to get a glowing healthy skin in 3 months. The idea is to inculcate good habits, and hopefully some of them will stick for life. Any suggestions, beautiful men and women? Diet suggestions welcome, work out suggestions welcome, beauty tips welcome... basically all suggestions welcome :) You could also just share your inspiring story and that will keep me motivated enough ;-) Thank you!!

Give me some lip

elizeh — Wed, 27 Mar 2013 10:34:50 -0800

Lipstick-wearers of MetaFilter, please recommend the longest-lasting lippy you know of. My holy grail lipstick is a not-hideously-drying dark peach that I can put on at 6 a.m., stays on through breakfast, three coffees, and my usual lunch salad, and lasts until dinner. Barring that, I'll take something that only needs to be reapplied with minimal fuss after lunch.

I've had decent success with Maybelline's gloss stain, although the colors all run to blue. The Revlon Just Bitten lip stains last OK, but I'm not crazy about the coverage--it tends to look uneven, settle into chapped bits, etc.

I think it's time to step up my game, but I don't want to fall into an eternal cycle of picking something randomly at Sephora, not liking it, returning it, lather, rinse, repeat.

Hit me with suggestions!

Small Business Bath & Beauty

pointystick — Thu, 28 Feb 2013 08:42:15 -0800

I love bath stuff (fizzies, melts, bubbles) & lotions & scented oils. I'm looking for small or independent sellers so I can discover more great stuff! I'm a big fan of LUSH, Origins, & Tokyo Milk and some of the other brands at places like Sephora. I love things that color, perfume, or fizzy up the bath water or exfoliate or smooth and moisturize me before or after and I adore things that smell awesome (I love BPAL too). (As recommended by AskMe I am working on self care and bath stuff is calorie-free and cheaper than a vacation to the islands!)

I bet I'm missing out on great products by looking at the easily-found stuff so I'd love some recommendations for smaller or less well-known producers - maybe on Etsy or online retailers or smaller makers with limited distribution (I'm in Atlanta).

Preferences include no animal testing (but I'm not vegan so milk and honey is A-OK) and I like many types of scents as long as they aren't too artificially sweet or very floral. I'm interested in many price points for treats both everyday and special occasion.

Since this is from the other side of the coutry & four years old, I hope this isn't too much of a dupe.

Does moisturizer even work?

abbagoochie — Mon, 25 Feb 2013 15:01:00 -0800

I was wondering if there is any scientific basis to the idea that using moisturizer improves the texture of skin to the point that it prevents aging. My thoughts are that if moisturizer did what it claimed to do, no one would ever need an acid peel or botox. Does spreading emollient on your face actually really do anything apart from line the pockets of cosmetics companies?

I want to not need this validation.

Anonymous — Fri, 22 Feb 2013 07:55:44 -0800

I think I have a problem with self esteem. Objectively, I know that I am a physically attractive person. This has been confirmed by plenty of people throughout my life. I want more than anything to be told by my husband that I am beautiful in certain ways, but he can't or won't. I don't want to need something from him that he is unable to give. How can I either stop focusing on this, or learn how to validate myself without his input? We have a pretty great relationship, and I think we communicate our needs well. There's no question that I turn him on - he has no problem saying so and showing it. Even as I'm formulating this question in my head, I realise how silly and petty it sounds, because here's the thing: on a fairly regular basis, he will make comments like, "You look good." But through further discussion, it's become clear that he's commenting more on my clothes and body rather than on my face when he says that.

I have explicitly asked him in the past, "Do you think I'm beautiful?" and his response is always, "I'm really attracted to you," but never, "Yes, you are beautiful." I don't know why I'm so hung up on him confirming beauty, but it's just that all the times he's commented on my looks, it feels like he's using weasel words or going out of his way not to say "beautiful" (or similar level words). The closest he may have come is saying, "I think you're pretty." If it were anyone else in the world, them saying that would be a really lovely compliment, and I would accept it with grace and feel good about it, but for some reason, from him, it doesn't feel like enough.

For a long time, he never said anything, and I had to (several times) explicitly ask him to give me compliments before we got to where we are now. He has said in the past that he feels nervous and awkward making such comments, especially making them too soon after I've prompted them, because then they're not "real." I feel shallow and petty for getting worked up about this, and I realise that I'm totally splitting hairs with this pretty-or-beautiful bs (and also realise that constantly badgering your partner for validation is the complete opposite of attractive).

But I'm obviously craving this from him, and I don't want to feel so bad when I don't receive it. How can I get the fuck over myself, or work on validating myself?

I found gray hair. I'm 25.

thank you silence — Wed, 16 Jan 2013 16:32:23 -0800

I'm a 25-year-old female with thick, dark curly hair. Every now and then I see a single gray hair making its way through. I hadn't seen any for awhile, then tonight I noticed a silvery strand near my temple. Is this normal? I know this rather shallow and that there could be so many other things wrong than finding gray hair, but I dunno, I'm just not confident enough to rock the gray if I am indeed headed that way and I feel that dying my hair would be such a hassle. I honestly don't think my grays are noticeable to anyone except myself, and I can deal with plucking a few every now and then. What I'm really worried about is my entire head turning gray quickly and that attempts to dye it will look obvious. I don't color my hair now. My mom, at age 54, had maybe 30% gray hair that was hard to notice and my dad is 64 and is mostly gray; I don't remember them going gray very early.

Is it normal to find a few grays every now and then? Or will I be completely gray by the time I'm 30?

Pampering Products for Men

unlucky.lisp — Thu, 03 Jan 2013 00:36:51 -0800

Pampering Products For Dudes Much to my surprise, my wash-with-rocks and brush-with-borax husband has turned out to be something of a product lover. i got him some clinique for men cleanser/moisturizer and it was like a kid in a room full of lollies.

i'd like to get him more things that give him that papmpery feeling (except cologne. he won't wear that no matter what.) i've been poking around sephora but i figured the hive mind would have ideas for things from etsy and other awesome places i don't know about.

thanks!

Help me learn to get over the past and learn to like how I look.

5_buck_sock_pup — Mon, 19 Nov 2012 13:31:35 -0800

I hate being photographed and avoid mirrors because of emotional abuse in the past. How can I overcome this, and how can I make sure I don't give my kids messed up ideas? I grew up being told that I was fat, lazy, stupid and ugly, ugly, ugly.

Growing up was rough. I can't think in detail about my childhood because I start to cry. I was raised by parents who didn't like each other and didn't like me either. I was a sensitive kid, which didn't help at all. My earliest memories are of being afraid of my father getting angry because I didn't want to get yelled at.

It went beyond yelling, to a point that would warrant a call to child protective services today. For instance, I recall getting a "spanking" when I was 5 because my parents left me sleeping in the car, and I forgot to lock the car door when I woke up and came inside. What I remember is what the room looked like as my dad thew me across it.

I was also 5 when my parents told me how other children were born, but told me I was crapped out into a toilet. I cried and told them that it wasn't true, but they just laughed.

I was a beanpole shaped kid until I turned 8 and gained a bunch of weight all at once. It was hard being a chunky kid. There weren't any girls' clothes that would fit properly back then, and I ended up wearing those old school boys' Husky jeans from Sears. The kids were merciless, and so were my parents. I tried dieting but had no clue about nutrition at all, and stayed overweight. I was diagnosed with juvenile rheumatoid arthritis very young and didn't know how I could exercise without bringing on a flare. My mother, who's naturally quite slim, amped up the "lazy" talk at that point but didn't actually do anything to help.

Then puberty hit, and I wound up with severe acne. I honestly looked like a pizza, it was that bad. I would look in the mirror and just cry. My dad once took me out shopping and, out of the blue, turned to me and said "you really are ugly." My parents took me to dermatologists, but there was no helping it. I tried absolutely everything, as my mother (who had acne until finishing menopause) piled make-up on me and the kids at school asked me if I ever washed my face. (The answer was yes, and probably too often.) The acne lasted until I went through two courses of accutane as an adult, and even recurred a few years after that. The acne has largely subsided as I've aged but my skin is still extremely oily.

In spite of being pizza-faced and overweight, I never had trouble getting a date, which mystifies me to this day. I won a scholarship to college and moved away from home on the day that the dorms opened. I married a wonderful man (after taking those courses of accutane before the wedding) and have two awesome children.

I also dropped 40 pounds, mostly because my metabolism changed after having kids. I know it works the other way around for most women, but for me, the weight just fell off. So, my acne's largely resolved, I'm thin (I wear a vanity-sized 2 or 4), and logically I know I can't be as ugly as I think since people don't run screaming when I enter a room. But, I haven't been able to get past thinking that I'm hideous.

Those fantastic kids of mine have a grand total of one family photograph with me in it. We don't have anything recent. The kids' school thought that my husband and I were divorced since the kids bring in photos with their dad but nothing with me.

I can't stand to be photographed and avoid it whenever I can. When a camera comes out, I practically run in the other direction. If I see a picture of myself, I zero in on every flaw, and there are lots. Every wrinkle, pouch, patch of leftover melasma - they're all I see, along with my giant nose, thinning hair and my tiny little deep-set eyes. I was looking through a friend's Facebook feed recently and saw a group photo from an event I was at. I scanned the group and actually failed to freaking recognize myself in the photo. Once I realized that one of the people was me, I was shocked at how normal I looked, until my brain started pulling up every problem with how I look.

Mirrors and I don't get along either. I can do a full face of makeup without a mirror, and when I'm around reflective surfaces, I look away from my reflection as much as I can. Places with mirrors make me actively anxious. Yesterday I went shopping for new clothes and saw myself in a dressing room mirror. I had to work to actually look at how I looked in the mirror to see how the clothes fit. I also zeroed in on how some parts of my body are lumpy, and my first thought was "I'm fat," but I'm not, dammit.

I'm at a point where my kids are old enough to be absorbing some of this, and I don't want it to contaminate them. I tell them every day how beautiful they are, but one of them has already pointed out that he looks like me and that I don't like how I look. I know it's not logical, either, and that I should be able to enjoy how I look or at least accept it. But it's not happening.

My mother still criticizes how I look every time I see her, which isn't often. Memorably, she came to visit me in the hospital right before I gave birth - right before I got wheeled into the delivery room - and whispered in my ear how awful my acne was and how terrible I looked. The other people in the room were taken aback when I told my mother out loud "that's nice, but there's really nothing I can do about that right now," as they didn't know why I was telling her that. It still stung, even though I knew at the time how out of line she was.

I've tried talking with my parents about the past, but they're not interested. They've told me that I must be making things up because they aren't like that. But I'm telling the truth.

I'm reluctant to pursue therapy just because of the time commitment, and because I've tried therapy before for depression and anxiety but didn't seem to get much out of it. I'm on medications for anxiety and depression and probably will be for life, but they aren't helping this.

What else can I do? Are there books or other resources for people like me? What has worked for others? And, most importantly, how can I stop this issue from affecting my children?

I just realised how ugly I am - HELP!!

Anonymous — Wed, 14 Nov 2012 06:24:27 -0800

Recently I came to the realisation that I am a really plain, unattractive woman. There have been signs for a while, but I only recently put them all together and the realisation hit me - I"m ugly! How do I deal? I don't mean that I have poor self-esteem, but that I am objectively plain. Please don't tell me I need better self esteem - it's not about that! a) Should I bother to dress up and try to be more attractive, knowing I"ll probably still be lucky to reach average? How do I explain it if I don't want to bother?
b) How do I deal with people laughing that I like a handsome guy because I should know he is way out of my leauge?
c) How do I tell when I'm being invited along as "the ugly friend"?
d) How do I deal with the favouritism shown to pretty women at my work?

Skincare for Dummies

vanitas — Wed, 10 Oct 2012 11:32:01 -0800

I want to start taking good care of my skin now, but I don't know where to start with all these serums and toners and moisturizers and creams...what are the basic products I need to establish a good routine? I am a woman in my early 20s and was one of those lucky kids who had no acne as a teenager, so I've never put much effort into skincare. My skin looks pretty fine I think, I don't have pimples or blemishes, I'm white and pale-skinned and do take care with sun protection. I don't have much routine otherwise though - I wear Neutrogena moisturizer with SPF 15 under my makeup every day and just wash my face with plain water and a cloth every night. My skin gets pretty dry sometimes (never oily) and then I just slap on whatever cheap no-name brand skin cream I use on the rest of my body...nothing fancy and definitely not what I'm supposed to be doing.

I want to establish a good skincare routine to moisturize, keep my skin looking nice and glowy, and to prevent wrinkles when I age. I seem to have missed the boat on learning about skincare since my friends are using a hundred different expensive products...toner, face wash, exfoliants, moisturizer, eye cream, serum, etc. I have NO idea where to start or what these products even DO. What basic items should I start with? I don't have a ton of cash so I would prefer drugstore products over, like, $120 Sephora creams.

Maintaining Inner and Outer Beauty : How Have You Women (&Men!) Done It Over The Years?

rhythm_queen — Sun, 30 Sep 2012 17:59:52 -0800

Attention all gracefully aging/aged people: what practical beauty/fashion/makeup/skincare/LIFE tips can you offer me, a 20 year old woman, who also wants to age beautifully (Inside and Out?) I'm 20 and I use sunscreen on a regular basis, try to smile rather than frown all the time, eat all my veggies and fruit, work on on a mildly moderate basis, take care of my skin (all natural homemade masks and scrubs over anything with stuff I can't pronounce!) and hair (down to my butt and totally healthy!)...

However, I have a few questions. Ladies who are particularly busty, how do I take care of my breasts? I have huge boobs (32 DD) and am unsure--am I supposed to be wearing a bra 24/7 because of the horrors of gravity, or am I to leave them free to grow strong? Am I to give them massages? What should I do to help minimize sagging in the future?

Also, how do YOU take care of your skin? What are your number one skin tips as you get older to maintain a glow and preserve skin health? I know about using SPF and try to drink proper amounts of water, but do you have any tried and tested tips?

Fashion/makeup/beauty-wise: What are some of your favorite classic looks/tips/etc? And how has your look grown and evolved over the years?

I'd like to hear all and any input about my question, which I know is very broad. I am happy to hear about how to maintain my physical and external beauty and how you ladies and gentlemen have done so.

But I also am rather anxious about how I look, very critical of my physical self, feeling differently about myself based on peoples' reactions to me, feeling as though if I'm not noticed I'm ugly...I feel as though this anxiety is not adding to my inner OR outer beauty, is actually taking away from it. It is taking all of my good energy and converting it into crap =/

So if anyone has any experience as to how I can alleviate this anxiety of how I look and be HAPPY in my own gracefully aging skin, I'd be happy to hear!!

Thank you so much =)

Curling up

otherwordlyglow — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 13:24:07 -0800

What should I look for in hot rollers/curlers? I'm looking for a decent set of hot rollers for my thick, wavy, mid-length hair. I have steam rollers and velcro rollers but I want a set up hot rollers. I picked up a used set at Goodwill to see if they worked in my hair and I do like the effect but the set I have is pretty janky (missing rollers, no clips, takes a while to heat up). I bought some replacement clips but they don't fit right and I think I just need to upgrade to a fully new set of rollers. The options are crazy-making: ionic, tourmaline, ceramic, I don't know!

Recommendations for specific sets would be appreciated but also what to look for in a good set would be just as helpful. I've looked at MakeupAlley and nothing really jumps out as clearly better 9maybe nothing is) and Consumer Reports doesn't cover them.

I am looking for recommendations for a Portland, OR stylist who can cut my thick, coarse, wavy, medium-length hair.

nanook — Tue, 11 Sep 2012 15:32:25 -0800

My beloved stylist has left the city. I am looking for recommendations for a Portland, OR stylist who can cut my thick, coarse, wavy, shoulder-length hair. People who often work with 'difficult' hair say that my hair is on the easy side, but most hair stylists will panic at my hair, and I end up feeling guilty for throwing my problem hair their way (and me throwing in oodles of tip money to smooth things over).

I would prefer someone who takes their time cutting and doing a brief consult at the beginning, and doesn’t thin with a razor. I am female.

You're Too Sexy for This Party. GTFO.

scaryblackdeath — Thu, 06 Sep 2012 18:06:11 -0800

Ladies: have you ever been targeted/harassed/insulted by others, particularly women, for being too sexy or attractive? Have you witnessed such a thing? Naive as I feel for asking this... does that sort of thing actually happen in the real world and not just on TV? More inside, forgive me if I'm being horribly inarticulate... I'm thinking about situations where one would understandably want to look good -- parties, dates, dancing, etc -- and less about when "sexy" is inappropriate (clubwear at grampa's funeral). I also presume that such attacks are generally veiled, but having never been raged on for my own awesome sexiness, I don't want to presume. :P

I don't go out clubbing. I don't hit bars. My social circles are heavily populated by geeks & nerds... several of whom are very attractive women, to be sure, but I've just plain never seen cattiness about appearance among said female friends. We have LOTS of discussion about the ridiculous appearance of women in comics, video games, etc... but amongst themselves and in relation to real people, they're all generally appalled when anyone mocks someone else's appearance.

Thing is, lately I've been around women outside that social circle who seem quick to mock -- and often it's more about body shape or voice than it is about style of dress, but there's that, too. It's always behind the other woman's back. And it almost always questions the target's level of intelligence, or the company she keeps.

I guess what I'm asking is, does that sort cattiness and envy ever come out into the open? Do the insults and mockery ever get made to the target's face? I've never seen it, but I'm a guy and I wonder if the lens of my own subculture has anything to do with my lack of knowledge here.

Feeling like a fraud when faced with compliments about my looks: How to Deal

rhythm_queen — Thu, 30 Aug 2012 11:22:10 -0800

How do I stop from feeling like I am a fraud (because I have a lot of flaws) when people tell me I'm physically beautiful? This insecurity in my looks/my reaction to compliments is affecting my life in a lot of ways. I'd appreciate any and all advice on how to deal with this! Hello,
I am a 20 year old girl living at home and attending university. On the surface, I seem super confident--I'm highly extroverted and friendly with everyone, I seem rather attractive and I'm easy to get along with. I answer lots of questions in all my classes and though I may come across scatterbrained, I think I also come across as pretty intelligent. I am usually (part of the) life of a party, dancing and talking and flirting with everyone ( though, I'll say that I'm usually hugely ashamed of myself the day after....). However, the surface lies. I've got really deep-rooted body image and other insecurities that refuse to be exterminated.

The crux of my issue is this : I feel like I'm fooling everyone with my supposed "beauty".

I get a lot of compliments from people who don't know me very well--usually along the lines that I am really beautiful and confident--and I feel like a big fraud. I am not beautiful, not when I am naked. I feel like when someone says I am beautiful, I have the urge to immediately tell them about my flaws--My biggest one being the stretch marks I carry on my hips and butt. I feel like I do this to tell them that I'm not beautiful, to assure them they are not correct, but I guess it leaves a sour taste in our mouths afterwards. I have stopped doing this, but I cannot stop thinking this--if I go out and I look good outwardly and some good looking guys check me out, I feel like wow! If only they could see my butt! No, seriously. It's weird. .. I sometimes am so overwhelmed by disgust by my flaws that it makes me anxious, depressed, and stressed out. (I also have rather large areolas. Those bother me, too. I've heard guys who badmouth big ones.)
It's kind of worse now, that I get mild breakouts. I never used to get any breakouts but as soon as I turned 19 I've been getting zits that leave marks. These marks take a few weeks/months to go away and so I've been using makeup to cover them. I feel like when someone compliments my skin, I always tell them about my acne problems and the post inflammatory hyperpigmentation. I just HATE the feeling that I'm fooling them! The difference without the makeup is pretty stark.
I feel like if there was no makeup or clothing in society, I would be considered really ugly. I know it's a weird thing to think about, but shouldn't beauty be unaffected by the absence of cosmetics and the illusion provided by clothing? If so, aren't I fooling people? I get nervous thinking about a potential boyfriend who would be attracted to my looks, or tell me I'm beautiful. Sooner or later, he'd see that I am rather physically flawed, wouldn't he? How could I still be 'beautiful' after that? I KNOW this sounds so immature. But it's the conversation that goes on in my mind. It's really bad.

I hope this wasn't a total ramble. I'm really sorry if it was. It should be noted that I DON'T always feel this way--it's 50/50. A lot of the times, I feel decent about myself, I feel like I look really good, and I know I have a lot of people (family especially) who love me and care about me. I also am aware I have a ton of awesome potential. But when the insecurities come back, they hurt so badly--they make me lethargic, unmotivated, and ruin the discipline I've worked hard to build in various parts of my life.
Please give me any suggestions! I *do* see a counsellor at my school who is AMAZING!!!! but I'd like some advice that's more self-help than therapy. I want to work through this by myself! I want to be successful at overcoming this insecurity by myself.

Thanks so much! This is an amazing community and I'm grateful for any responses/suggestions you may have to offer.

Beauty Privilege?

thelastgirl — Tue, 28 Aug 2012 21:41:21 -0800

Is woman's value really only physical? Let me preface my extended explanation by saying that I am going to go out on a limb, and speak uncensored because I am literally inviting you all to change my mind about this. I know it's going to come off as super shallow so please before answering know that this is only one aspect to my personality but it is weighing heavily on me this 35th yer of my life and I need some perspective.

I am not beautiful, I have been told I am attractive but I have never been the kind of woman someone would run up to in the street, or ask out spontaneously. I am also very direct, and don't always act in accordance with stereotypical female traits. I am not delicate, my voice is husky etc....I also weigh about 160 lbs am 5'7. Not fat, but not fit, if you know what I mean.

I feel and have always felt like a second class citizen because of the way I look. I don't feel like I am attractive in any way. I know it's supposed to come from within, and believe me I know I have many beautiful attributes. I just feel like the world for women is about the physical, and no matter what we do it all comes down to that in the end. The fact that I rarely turn a head, and that I have never been pursued really bothers me to the point where I am secretly considering plastic surgery. I can't stand feeling this way and need some perspective. Why do men seem to treasure and prize women who are beautiful who have shitty personalities. I work with a woman who is the biggest asshole I have EVER met yet that seems meaningless to men. She attracts plenty of douchebags, don't get me wrong, but she also attracts good men who can't seem to see past the physical.

I will go out in the world by myself and have doors slammed in my face, get bumped into, feel invisible.... I have had friends boyfriends act disgusted when I have mentioned my sex life (or shown disgust to the girlfriends) and I frequently socialize with men that act like talking to me is an obstacle to getting to one of the five beautiful women in the vicinity. I literally have to charm the shit out of them to keep them in the conversation (even though I often could give a shit and am only looking to cure boredom in talking to someone). Does anyone relate with this?

Tell me what the world is really like? Is it just my insane brain that sees it this way or is that how it is? I am really curious about some perspective from some lesbians that might be reading this and how they perceive the importance of beauty.

Anything!! Help!!

The sweat that killed my pretty

PuppetMcSockerson — Tue, 28 Aug 2012 04:26:18 -0800

Super last minute plea for help: I am going out for a super fancy pants dinner tomorrow night with my partner. The problem is that it is going to be hot as hell and I'm a person who sweats a fair bit. Help me save my hair, makeup and keep the back of my dress from getting soaked with sweat. Please... I beg of you... For once I want to end the date as pretty and put together as I was when the date started. :( Me:
- 30
- female
- mostly healthy, eats well, goes to the gym 4-5 times a week, over weight but am steadily losing (I'm down 30lbs this year, about 100lbs total over the past 3 years)
- naturally curly hair that looks awful so I straighten it and then it looks fabulous
- mid/shoulder length hair
- I'm cold 90% of the time, even when everyone else is hot
- once I do respond to the heat I get VERY hot and sweaty
- I've been this way for as long as I can remember
- had my thyroid tested when I was a kid and just a few years ago, it is normal

So here's the issue. We're going to be going on a trip out of town tomorrow and tomorrow night we're going on a properly fancy date. He's wearing a suit, I'll be in a dress and heels and the whole kit and caboodle. I am fully capable of doing my hair and makeup to make myself look fabulous, but I predict that in the one block walk from our hotel to the restaurant all my efforts will be undone. My hair will frizz and curl around my temple in particular, my perfectly applied makeup will be smeared, and my back/dress will be damp with the sweat as well.

Things I do to try to offset it:
- waterproof mascara and limited eye make up
- use a makeup primer (though I don't think the stuff I have is much good)
- use straightening sprays and finishing creams to try to keep the moisture from ruining my hair
- don't touch my hair too much
- wear light, breathable fabrics, nothing overly clingy

I have yet to find any sort of solution for:
- my forehead sweat (which is the ruiner of hair and makeup)
- my back sweat (which looks awful)

So what can a girl do? How do you keep yourself from being a big sweaty mess? I know I could pin my hair up, which would for the most part solve that part, but my partner loves my hair when it is down (and I do too, it looks best that way) so I'd prefer to be able to wear it down and straight.

DIY Budget Natural & Organic beauty podcasts wanted

skjønn — Sun, 19 Aug 2012 14:47:20 -0800

Does the podcast equivalent of bella sugar or the beauty section of xo jane exist? I'm looking for lighthearted, fun, podcasts about beauty, makeup, hair, nail polish, etc. Especially for ones with a focus on cheaper budget/diy/drugstore/natural& organic beauty things. I don't mind hearing about some expensive stuff, but if the entire pocast is just shilling really expensive brand name stuff I'm not interested.

Lesbian overthinks her gender expression. News at 11.

Anonymous — Thu, 02 Aug 2012 05:47:33 -0800

I'm a 22-year-old lesbian. I have never made any effort to look hot, but suddenly I want to, and it's raising some serious identity issues for me. Hygiene/beauty-wise, all I do is shower daily, brush my teeth, comb my hair (though it tends to go every which-way), and wear deodorant, clean clothes (some men's, some women's), and moisturizer (for the SPF). I don't own any makeup and I don't know how to apply it. Basically, I look like I don't give a fuck.

Here's the thing, though—I do give a fuck, and I think my apparent apathy's a holdover from a time when I truly wasn't comfortable with myself. As a closeted teen/pre-teen, I wore dingy sweats everyday and kept a copy of The Beauty Myth in my junior high school locker. (I'm sure NO ONE ever suspected.) I defined myself in opposition to other girls because I felt like I could never truly be one of them anyway and was too proud to try. I also did it to distance myself from them so I didn't have to deal with my attraction. On a less psychosexual level, I felt like if I tried to look pretty, people would see right through it and laugh at me.

I had a boyfriend in high school and a couple more in college, along with some random male hookups (I came out "bisexual" at 18). Almost every single first makeout session would include a moment where the guy would look at me real close and then quizzically remark, "You know, you're really pretty," like he'd never noticed before and was pleasantly surprised. Secretly, I loved hearing that—in my mind, it indicated that I wasn't naturally uglier than other girls, but merely had less superficial values. (Ugh.)

Now I've graduated college and am finally out as gay, not bi. My frumpiness is no longer really a source of political pride for me anymore, because I've internalized patriarchal beauty standards enough to only be attracted to women who mostly fit them (yeah, stone me). I'm not trying to imply that a butch or androgynous woman who likes feminine women is necessarily a hypocrite; just that my former feminister-than-thou attitude about not meeting those standards no longer makes sense. Also, it's not like I'm some Jackie Warner/Kate Moennig type—I just look like a troll.

I don't know what sort of gender presentation I'd have if I didn't go through such a long phase of self-loathing, but I suspect that the answer is still not "Barbie". The last time I really dressed up girly was a couple years ago and I felt like I was in drag, but hey, I don't feel terribly comfortable with the way I look now either. Ultimately, I'd like to look like a cute urban 20-something queer girl that other cute urban 20-something queer girls could see themselves dating, instead of an overgrown 3rd grader with blotchy skin and gigantic boobs.

I suppose I know, in broad strokes, how to go about changing my image: learn how to tame my hair, get some makeup and try to even my skin tone a little on nights that I go out, buy trendy-looking clothes I normally wouldn't look at twice, get less-dorky glasses the next time I need a new prescription. If you have any practical advice on those matters, it's more than welcome. (I'm 5'5", 140 lbs, white, and would look ridiculous with hair any shorter than chin-length.) But I guess my real question is, though, how do I not feel so ridiculous trying? I spent my entire adolescence acting either aggressively opposed to this sort of stuff or innocently too "deep" for it. It's a big part of who I was, which is probably why it feels like such a big deal changing it. I don't have any real reason to believe I won't just feel like a potential poser again. Also, I feel like most other people have settled into their style by this age even if do they switch things up here and there, so this sort of deliberate change feels kind of life-stage inappropriate.

As for what I can afford... I make $35,000 a year, my rent's $650/month, and I'm not in any debt. Obviously cheaper is better, but I'm willing to throw a little bit of money at this problem.

(Also, yes, I know that confidence is my biggest issue and that that's not primarily a matter of looks, but I wanted this question to be targeted.)

Throwaway email: anon724 at gmail

Avocado oil

pakora1 — Sun, 15 Jul 2012 17:45:34 -0800

100% pure avocado oil Hi,

I am looking to buy 100% pure Avocado oil online. Can anyone recommend good pure sources/shop online for this? (This is not for cooking, more as a moisturizer. Trying to keep away from chemicals within other moisturizers as such)

Thank you

Where can I find liquid baby powder?

karizma — Fri, 29 Jun 2012 11:17:03 -0800

Why is it so hard to find liquid baby powder? So, for quite a while now, I have been a fan of liquid baby powder. I use it on myself (not for a baby) and it's a great product that helps alleviate and prevent discomfort in many circumstances, especially during the warm summer months.

This product has always seemed to be fairly difficult to locate in stores, however. Whenever I did find it, I typically bought the store's entire supply, which was never more than a few bottles. I started out using the Huggies brand liquid baby powder when it could be found in stores for $4-5 a bottle. Now, as that link shows, it's in extremely short supply and is going for $19.99 (and up). I then, through sheer luck, discovered that the Dollar Tree stores carried an Angel of Mine brand that was, you guessed it, only $1 a bottle and they had what seemed like an endless supply. Ok, I thought - problem solved! Not so fast. Now it seems Dollar Tree is no longer carrying this item (I cannot find it stocked in any of the local stores, and the customer comments on their site indicate that they have discontinued it) and people who did find it have turned to eBay to sell it at a massive mark-up. I have checked Target, Walmart, local drugstores, etc. and cannot find it anywhere.

Does anyone know why this stuff is so hard to find? Is there a reason why manufacturers are (apparently) no longer making it?

Also, does anyone know where I might be able to find it at a reasonable ($5 or less) price? Online is great, or anywhere in the Western WA area is good too.

(And yes, I'm aware of and have tried using good ol' baby powder. It's ok in a pinch, but it is more messy and is not as easy to thoroughly apply. It also tends to lose effectiveness more quickly, at least in my experience.)

I appreciate your help. Thanks!

Ugly Babies

KimikoPi — Sun, 24 Jun 2012 20:22:56 -0800

Honest question about ugly babies - isn't it obvious when they are ugly? I'm not a baby person, but I do believe I can distinguish when a baby is generally cute or fugly. Do some people have baby blinders that do not allow them to think "ugly baby"? Sometimes I see baby photos posted on Facebook where the baby is just hideous. One such baby looked like a drunk red-faced old Irish man. It had 20 "likes". I was dumbfounded. So I really want to know:

- do parents of very ugly babies not realize the baby is ugly?
- do you have an ugly baby and realize it? How have you dealt with having an ugly baby?
- do you feel forced to lie when confronted with an ugly baby and say that it's cute or go "aww" in public over it?
- does a large percentage of the population just think ALL babies are adorable in the same way that many people think all puppies are cute?

Thanks.

Am I right in giving "Dress Up" a dressing-down?

ColdChef — Wed, 13 Jun 2012 10:35:43 -0800

My wife wants our daughter to have a makeover party for her 8th birthday. Manicures, pedicures, hair-styling and all that. Am I being overly-sensitive in thinking it's a bad idea? To me, playing dress-up is one thing. It's fun to put on costumes and pretend, and I'm all for that. But "Beauty Shop" play is not something I want to encourage. It seems anti-feminist. All the emphasis is on glamour and beauty and I think that's the wrong message to send to girls her age. Plus, it excludes boys from her party.

My opinion is that she's got the rest of her life to play at being a grownup lady, she should remain child-like as long as she can. That means parties that are centered around fun and play and not "adult" things like makeovers and looks. Also: parents of young girls: would you be hesitant to let them go to a party that was so "beauty" oriented?

Am I over-thinking this?

Cue makeover montage

peachfuzz — Wed, 13 Jun 2012 10:01:23 -0800

I am just terrible at being a lady. All the usual Beauty Stuff, stuff that it seems like everyone else was either born knowing or learned as teenagers, is a giant mystery to me. I need, like, a checklist or something for being a presentable-looking grownup. Here is the degree of attractiveness incompetence we're dealing with:

1) I haven't owned a hairbrush for years, because the one I'd had since I was a teenager broke and I was completely overwhelmed by all the different kinds of hairbrushes out there. I combed my hair with a rubber comb that used to be my dad's and called it good. I have your typical very straight, very thick Asian hair, and it's not very exciting, but I would like it to be!

2) My feet and hands are sandpapery disasters. I get manicures once in a while when my hands have to be decent-looking for work but don't have the budget or the time to go more frequently. So what should I do regularly to keep them at a general level of non-grossness?

3) I still use baby shampoo and Ivory soap, because I have no idea if I need lactic acid scrubs or fish protein shine or whatever. How do you choose the right "product" for you?

4) Don't even get me started on makeup. I have a mineral powder I wear sometimes when I'm blotchy, and have some eyeshadows I experiment with, and lip balm. But I don't know where to go from there to develop a look or system I like and can do easily, and to experiment with new things. Usually I think I look silly with makeup on, but I think it's just because I don't know what I'm doing.

5) Generally I do okay with clothes and shoes, and am trying to get better about fixing/getting rid of stuff that's broken or ripped rather than continuing to wear it. But I still have trouble with remembering to look at myself before I leave the house—not to preen, but to check that all my tags are in (all my tags are always sticking out!) and I'm not lopsided or untucked somewhere. I recently discovered how awesome full silk slips are under dresses, how they smooth you out and make things not clingy—are there other clothing tips I should try?

Basically, there's nothing I'm trying to solve, exactly—I'm lucky enough to have generally clear skin and I try not to stress too much about he shape and size and strength of my body. I just want to be polished and presentable all the time, and to know how to feel really confident and cute when I want to.

Executive summary: Can you tell me your beauty/maintenance routine, both for everyday and special use? What are the things you do from day to day, or week to week, that keep you looking good? And who/where do I turn to to find more of this stuff out for myself?

How much does beauty matter?

kettleoffish — Mon, 11 Jun 2012 21:45:05 -0800

“You’re gonna like the way you look… I guarantee it..." My long term partner thinks he's better looking than me, and admitted it. Beauty is a weird thing. With the right person, looks don’t matter, or they aren't supposed to. But they can be nice to have and nice to be with. I’ve always really found my partner really beautiful looking as a human being, in addition to being really beautiful inside. So I just tell him that when I can. But my partner doesn’t do this to the same extent, and maybe he can’t.

Some background: Not long ago, we were watching that Louis C.K. skit where Louis C.K. is explaining how he’s not the kind of guy that women like for his looks alone, I turned to my partner and I pretty much told him how cute I thought it was when we first met and had our first date. He didn’t really reply or anything but when pressed, he said that he liked me. But the sense I got was that he wasn’t as impressed—which had actually been my impression during that first date.

By the same token, I’ve noticed that when I complain about looking bad, he never says, “you look great,” he just says, “don’t worry about it.” Which is technically the correct response—I shouldn’t worry—but sometimes I just want to know that he’s out there and he cares.
So I asked him about it, up front, especially since I no longer have time to do my hair and whatnot like I did when we were first dating, because I’m busy actually living my life.

To my horror, my partner confessed he tries to say he finds me pretty and beautiful, and he feels attracted to me, but it's not an important aspect of our relationship. He said that it’s not that he “definitely thinks of it” as “I’m not as objectively good looking as him. “ Thus it's hard for him to say how he feels about how I look. He said he is very attracted to me, reminded me of times that he has said I’m pretty. He asked me, if he were slightly better looking than me, would it really matter if he was still attracted to me?

There are two issues here. 1) The security that I felt that my partner was happy with me.... Sort of lessened now. Seriously, before this, I completely assumed that my partner was as into me as I am to him. I did not ever guess that there were issues like this—him liking me despite my looks instead of because of them.

2) I feel this is a weird element of unbalance that has been introduced to the relationship. It’s like if one of us had 20 more IQ points on the other or grossed 1,000,000 dollars more per year.

Is there any way I can let go of the anxiety and insecurity this is causing me? How do I talk to him about this? And how common is this?

Any thoughts would be appreciated.