Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with badbehavior

I did a bad thing, and cannot seem to get over it.

Anonymous — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 06:31:42 -0800

I did a bad thing this weekend. Everybody I hurt has been apologized to and has forgiven me, but I'm having a hell of a time forgiving myself. So, I did something completely out-of-character and unexpected this weekend. I accidentally drank too much one night, and, after my family was asleep, I walked next door and hit on my neighbor, an older, single woman. The "hitting on" consisted of about five minutes of me rubbing her back and her hair and hugging. I vaguely remember she kissed me on the cheek (she was pretty drunk too, and usually is). I then went home and fell asleep. Nothing else happened.

A couple of things: First, I have ABSOLUTELY no feelings for this woman, nor for any woman other than my wife. I actually find this woman rather repellent, and I'm not sure I realized who I was sitting next to. Second, the context makes no sense - we had been in the middle of an amazing family weekend, and the timing of my drunk self doing this is just damned weird.

I woke up early the next morning thinking "Oh god, please let that be a dream," but I knew it wasn't. As soon as there was an appropriate time, I confessed it to my wife, who broke down in tears and was a wreck for most of the morning. She told me it felt like I had cheated on her, that I had taken that first step. (I don't disagree with her; I would be shattered if she had done the same thing to me.) As the day rolled along, she came out of her anger, and truly forgave me.

I also apologized to my neighbor, who laughed it off. ("Oh, honey, you were drunk, that wasn't you," that kind of thing.)

All the alcohol is out of the house, and it's not coming back, also.

So things are reasonably back to normal at home, but damned if I can't stop thinking about it and hating on myself. In twenty years of marriage, I've never done anything remotely like this. I am normally a very happy person, our marriage is great, I do not have a wandering eye.

Right now I'm pissed off and I hate myself and have a constant stomach ache. So I'm looking for any sort of advice or perspective or whatever. I assume this is the kind of thing that will only go away with time?

Not a bad person, just a bad girlfriend?

Anonymous — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 09:03:05 -0800

Revelation-filter: My behavior in past relationships has been completely unacceptable. I just read back hundreds of emails with a couple past boyfriends and am shocked and ashamed at a lot of the things I said and attitudes I took. Mean, bitchy, self-centered, demanding, ungrateful, scathing, defensive, insensitive. I can recall being vaguely aware of my bad behavior in the past but was never too hard on myself because I thought I would mature and grow out of it. Looking back, I don't blame anyone for breaking up with me because I was awful. I know I can be wonderful and that I have a lot to offer, but this mean streak is a huge downfall and I'm terrified I won't ever lose it unless I take some serious action. I'm in my mid-20s and I do.not.want.to.be.like.this.anymore.

Please tell me...how do I not be a total bitch to the person I love? Seeking advice on how to not take wonderful people for granted, how to temper anger, how to not assume the worst in people, how to practice self-restraint, how to be more understanding, how to be less selfish.

Recommendations for specific therapists in NYC welcome.

Throwaway email: ashamedgrl@gmail.com

Thank you so much, Mefis.

Porn sites are spamming my web stats. Make it stop.

Milkman Dan — Wed, 16 May 2007 10:53:16 -0800

Porn sites are spamming my web stats. Make it stop. For a few months now, my referral log has been flooded by mildly amusing, but mostly annoying, porn site URLs. These sites are throwing off my data entirely, filling the log with anywhere from 1 to 200 hits each. Almost all of them are over-the-top porn URLs. I want it to stop.

I know what the phenomenon is, and I’ve read all the other AskMe threads about it. I’m not interested in diagnostics, I want to know the cure. I run WordPress, and I’m currently running the Bad Behaviour plug-in, and have been for two months, but the problem has remained. Yes, I run Google Analytics as an alternative, but I’d like to solve the problem within this stats program (Webalizer Version 2.01), too.

Clear, step-by-step instructions would be most helpful, but any suggestions would be much appreciated. Oh, and you can click here to view my referral log from May.

Drunken behavior

filmgeek — Fri, 01 Oct 2004 00:15:00 -0800

Bad behavior with alcohol as an excuse: what's the worst thing you ever stole while inebriated (larceny only objects; some guy/girl's heart doesn't count.) C'mon, bare your soul. Many people behave..well, a little badly at some point in a misanthropic or wayward youth. Alcohol might even contribute. That's how the discussion went. So, is there any larceny in your soul?

Oh, me? Yeah, a pool cue. No, it wasn't one you could take apart either.