Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with bad

Bizarre behavior in a male acquaintance left me wondering if he's dangerous. Am I overreacting?

aquafortis — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 00:53:50 -0800

Bizarre behavior in a male acquaintance left me wondering if he's dangerous. Am I overreacting? The other day, I approached an older male acquaintance after he gave a university lecture. When he saw I was about to speak to him, he "gallantly" took my hand and lifted it in the air (imagine an 18th century courtier leading his lady to the gavotte) and gently eased me WAY into his personal space while tilting his head toward me. He's extremely soft-spoken, so even though our toes were almost touching at right angles and he put his other hand in the small of my back, I thought it was eccentric and charming. Sexy, even. He held my hand as we put our heads together and whispered to each other for a minute. Nice, right?

Sure. Until I wanted my hand back, and he wouldn't let go.

When I tried to pull away, he suddenly dug his thumb into the hollow of my wrist joint on top of my hand and tightened his index finger around the back, pressing deep into the small hollow on the underside. I panicked a little--toppling back a step, tugging my hand back twice, and twisting in both directions. Nothing; his grip was perfectly positioned around the joint. When I looked at him, he seemed like he was in an honest-to-God trance: with glazed eyes and parted lips, he was staring straight down my sweater watching my breasts shake as I tried to free myself. WTF?

He didn't snap out of it till I said "Hey! Uh, here!" To which he looked up blandly and said "Huh? Oh..." released me, and kept talking for a few minutes like nothing happened. As I was about to leave, he gently clasped my hand and gave me a tender, dreamy, loving look and said he'd call me to talk about [insert academic subject here] and was greatly looking forward to it. Jekyll and Hyde much?

What's really terrifying is that if he ever tranced out on my throat and nobody was around to snap him out of it, I'd be dead. Not to mention the fact that I'm very strong for a woman: I can bench more than my bodyweight, and once when a big football player-type grabbed my wrists and tried to rape me, I was able to break his grip--and now I'm powerless to get away from someone because he's got me in some kind of goddamned ninja wristlock?

Question: what in the world happened? Is there any other plausible explanation for this besides "high-testosterone schizophrenic", "sadistic psychopath" "violent sex offender" or "serial killer"? What's the Occam's Razor explanation here? Would a frontotemporal dementia palmar grasp reflex account for the perfectly administered lock and trancelike leer? Should I write his adult son an anonymous letter suggesting that dear old dad needs a functional MRI? Is the horrible vibe I'm picking up here way out of line? Am I making a big deal out of nothing? Obviously I can't be alone with him in private, but I'm seriously wondering how safe it is to be together in public. What would you do? And what's the best way to get out of this kind of wristlock short of a huge haymaker to the temple? All advice welcome...thanks!

I'm dreaming of a well-rested Unicorn...

Unicorn on the cob — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 21:48:12 -0800

Almost every dream I have is a nightmare, if I remember the dream. Is there a way to train myself not to do this? Inspired by this question, I realized that almost every time I dream, it's a nightmare. They are typically very vivid and not "anxiety" dreams, like taking a test without studying. On the scale of 1 to 10 where 1 is, say, a sex dream and 10 equals me being in a situation where I have experienced hours of physical torture and eventually am eaten alive by rabid animals (and waking up feeling nauseated, heart pounding, sweaty), I'd say the majority of my dreams are in the 6-8 range.

I have also experienced cyclical nightmares every night for up to 10 months. By this I mean I can wake up 6-10 times a night and pick right up in the nightmare where I left off, or experience the same nightmare every single night for almost a year. I mostly dream like this:

- One night per week I'll have a fantastic, amazing, vivid dream that is weird/fun (it's never more frequently than that)

- Two or three nights per week I won't dream at all

- Three nights per week or more, sometimes up to six nights a week, I will dream about unpleasant things like going to jail for something I didn't do, having my teeth disintegrate slowly and painfully while I try to get them fixed, dying from painful and irreparable injuries, trying to run away from something but being pulled back slowly in an unbearably long, thin trail (like the spaghettification effect of a black hole)

Not sure if this matters, but about 3x per week I have to rely on Ambien to sleep at all and have suffered chronic insomnia since I was 11. The Ambien appears 100% unrelated to my dreaming patterns, as I have had happy dreams, no dreams, and nightmares all on Ambien.

Is there some kind of meditation, visualization or medication I could try to break this? I frequently feel physically and mentally exhausted and DO get sleepy, but dread sleeping knowing that I most likely will wake up terrified. I handle the nightmares fine if another person is in the house with me, for some reason.

If I could break cycle, I think I'd be able to feel rested. Has anyone else experienced this and been able to change it?

SantaFilter: The Naughty List of the Film, TV,

Unsomnambulist — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 15:09:07 -0800

SantaFilter: I'm trying to make a list of the worst of the worst kids from film and TV, etc., that would end up on Santa's naughty list, year after year. Any suggestions come to mind? Names that immediately come to mind: Adrian Mole, Lucy (of Peanuts fame), Scut Farcus from "A Christmas Story." Bullies and other kids whose purpose on life seems to be making the lives of other kids miserable.

Bonus points for any links to articles about actual real life naughty kids.

(I'm casting a wide net, but mainly looking for kids whose awfulness, however dark, inspires laughter... perhaps in fellow naughty listers).

Yuk, that smell is awful! How did you make such a stink?

skylar — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 12:26:00 -0800

So there are dozens of posts on AskMeFi raising the question of how to mask or remove a bad smell. But I have the opposite dilemma: I wasnt to create a bad smell. Not something so abhorrent that people wretch, but a clearly noticeable odour that perhaps evokes decay or sickness or death. And before you start calling the police, it's for a Halloween show. Thoughts on how to disperse said smell (using a plug-in mister? Using a fan?) gladly accepted.

Awesome shoes that don't make my knee hurt! Please!?!

roxiesmom — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 14:50:23 -0800

Best shoes for a P.E. teacher with a bad knee. I am a P.E. and am on my feet all day (obviously, lol). I have had 3 knee surgeries on my left knee, one for a torn ACL, the second was for torn Meniscus (have no Meniscus on Lateral side of my knee), and the last for to remove my Medial Meniscus and repair my ACL again.

This makes things difficult in finding shoes, I need shoes that are not going to hurt my knee and not make my feet hurt. It seems as though I can find some that do not hurt my knee but never some that do not make my feet hurt.

Since I am a P.E. teacher the shoes need to be sporty shoes (tennis shoes). Any suggestions on the best brand/style of shoes that would be good for my bad knee. I have already tried to expensive Dr. Scholl's insert at Wal-Mart and they make my knee hurt. I currently have Adidas brand Micro-bounce shoes.

I have no insurance so I can't go to a foot doctor or anything like that. But I should have insurance within the next year if that matters.

From Awful to Awesome

divabat — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 15:25:50 -0800

Are there any stories of people notable/talented/successful in their field who started out being completely crap? Most of the "roads to success" stories I've read involve the person having some form of latent talent at the beginning, or actually having talent but not being appreciated for it. But has there been anyone who was or is currently successful at something that started out being really really bad?

A sportsperson who was a total couch potato and could hardly run, or a painter that couldn't grasp technique, or a dancer that kept stumbling. But through effort and persistence they broke through and became a star.

Any stories along those lines?

How can I circumvent a crazy doctor?

RajahKing — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 15:15:50 -0800

Can I go around my crazy eye doctor and get the glasses and contacts I need? I have a horrible eye doctor who is doing everything possible to not give me my eye presciption. Total bullies, brazenly overpriced, and it was reconfirmed for me today in my most recent visit. Unfortunately, as I have terrible eyesight combined with an empty wallet, I am in a tough position. I need some hive mind advice, if you can follow this.

After some cajoling, yelling, whining (all on their part) I was able to pull from their cold fingers my a) current eyeglasses prescription and b) my last year's contact prescription.

So I am very nearsighted in both eyes, plus I have severe astigmatism. What I use to function is
a) a standard set of strong eyeglasses, then
b) soft contact lenses
c) with eyeglasses over them to correct the astigmatism.

Here is my question: using my current eyeglass prescription, along with the base curve from last year's contact prescription, can I order new contacts by combining the new prescription with last year's base curve? Or does a base curve change much?

*PS I know the alternative is to go back and get my damn prescription, and I will do so if necessary. I really just want to know if I can do the above and have the satisfaction of never dealing with these creeps again.

Is there any way I could get a loan or mortgage?

lgyre — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 12:47:37 -0800

Can I get a loan or mortgage in any way? We currently live in a building that we more or less own. Technically, we own an LLC, and the LLC owns the building (and that's all it does), so home equity is probably out. We would like to buy a new house about half the value of this one, preferably without selling. However, that would require a loan, and we have lousy credit. Details: Our current building is completely paid off. We are self-employed and our income is not impressive, but our expenses are low. I'm sure we could afford mortgage/loan payments, and we'd be happy to sell our current building to pay off the loan if for some reason we weren't able to come up with the money.

Our credit is pretty much non-existent because we don't have credit cards, house or car payments. We can't get credit cards at this point, as far as I can tell. We do have utility payments that we pay, but not always incredibly punctually.

Family members might possibly be willing to cosign. Would that be enough to do it, if they have good credit?

I'm not particularly frightened of high interest rates, I just want to know if there's any chance this could happen. If so, how can I tell reputable loaners from crazy internet scams, considering that we probably won't be dealing with a major bank (or is this an incorrect assumption?).

College & Fin Aid Issues

nameinruins — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 15:41:22 -0800

College & Fin Aid Issues Here's my situation:

I'm 24 years old and unemployed. I have been attending a state university on and off since 2004. However, due to some extreme personal circumstances, my GPA was adversely affected to the point of losing financial aid and causing the university to place me on academic suspension. That was over a year ago.

--I signed up for summer courses at the university and successfully passed them with flying colors. I had hoped this would bring my GPA up to at least 2.0, but it did not. I am still ineligible for financial aid. As of now, it is at 1.905 with the cumulative completion rate of 53%. That needs to be at 67% or above also. Since I was only able to afford summer classes with the help of a few people in my family, it is doubtful I would be able to attend college this fall. So, my plan was to attend community college in the meantime and earn enough credits to raise the GPA. Unfortunately, I was told by an advisor at the state university that the credits earned at any other college, including community colleges, would not count towards the cumulative GPA and completion rate at the university. In other words, this is the "Catch-22" of financial aid for me. I cannot receive financial aid unless I raise my GPA to 2.0 or above and the completion rate to 67% or above. The only way to do that is take courses at the state university. Unfortunately, I cannot afford it without financial aid, since it is practically impossible to find a job right now.

--All of this really came to a full boil two weeks because I never had an idea about the true shape my GPA and such were in, because my advisor at the time never told me. She never sat me down and flat-out told me, "Okay, your academic transcript here is looking bad. You need to do this and that." None of that. She had my transcript up right in front of her. She did not make recommendations for what I could do, etc., other than sign up for courses.

--I worked out my issues and I did really well last summer and I have no doubt that the trend will continue into the fall and onward. All I need to do is find means of getting money so I can attend classes in the spring and finally graduate in 2011, so I can move on with my life.

--I just hate that there's such a struggle for my "second chance" when I know I will do well. And yet, people are not willing to take their chances with me, and they never fail to remind me of my own mistakes in the past. I was young. I learned my lesson the hard way. That's all I have to say about this.

--Oh, and yes, I've applied for alternative private loans. I was denied because of bad credit, and there isn't anyone creditworthy in my family I could ask to be my cosigner.

--What are my options other than keep trying to find a job and save up?

Mortified and terrified: I got stopped for shoplifting. What to do?

Anonymous — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 05:18:21 -0800

Stopped and fined for shoplifting for the first time. What to do with the confusing letter I received, the non-responding phone #, and the fine. Last week, I was stopped at a large grocery store chain for shoplifting a bottle of shampoo. Yes, things are that bad for me financially. I had never been stopped before. This is all new to me. The security guy stopped me quietly, took a report, and let me go. He said that I might be charged something by (the store), or I might not get charged, and that the issue would stay between me and the store. Today I got a letter that says that I must pay $275 in the next 7 days or I will be taken to court.

The letter says that according to the law, they can charge me up to $500, in addition to actual damages incurred (in this case, about $11 for the shampoo, but they took that back). It says "In this case, the actual damages equal (the cost of damage to)". Yes, that's exactly what it says. It further says if I want to settle without a civil matter, I should send $275 within 7 days. It later says, "Payment or non-payment of the amount demanded will have no effect on the criminal prosecution of any alleged theft by local law enforcement officials". That doesn't make sense to me, even after several readings. It gives a number to call, which I did, and I left a message and got no call back.

I want to find out if this amount is negotiable and if I have any other options. I do NOT want this to show up in any court action. I do not want anyone I know to EVER find out about this. I am mortified. Obviously, $275 is a difficult amount for me if I was caught taking an $11 bottle of shampoo, especially having no prior record whatsoever.

So I'm upset that there is a fine, and I take responsibility for my actions, but the (high) amount will make things even more difficult for more financially, and I fear these guys won't respond to my calls at all.

I know YANML, and please, I'm not looking for moral slapdowns (I feel bad enough as it is), but any advice would be appreciated.

You can contact me directly at onfourfeet@yahoo.com if you want. Thanks.

Whats this films name?

rus — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 06:46:33 -0800

Name that film. A black comedy (I think it was from memory) with a pedophile father (NSFW) I'm trying to remember the title of a film M I saw randomly channel surfing. There was a father who became attracted to his sons friend and ended up drugging him. There is a subplot with his son trying to ejeculate and in the end he does but a dog licks it up...

I know written down it sounds like a bad film. IMDB plot search and google haven't chucked up anything obvious

Eau de Semi-Gloss Problem

OlivesAndTurkishCoffee — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 15:03:22 -0800

Help me work out a solution to the reek of my semi-gloss paper. It's stinking up my small bachelor apartment. I do occasional design work from home and just recently needed to buy some 13" by 19" Premium Epson Semi-Gloss for my Epson Photo 1400 printer.

Some combination of the ink and the paper produces an awful burnt flesh sort of odour that, because of the size of my apartment, is so strong it's making me feel sick. I have to have the prints on the wall so I can see them, at least for the next two weeks.

Is there an alternative type of semi-gloss paper that won't produce this effect? Or, is there some way to treat the paper once it's printed that will reduce/eliminate the smell?

I've already tried hanging each print with a piece of trace paper (not helping). And I bought some of those science display boards from high school to mount everything on so I could fold it up at night...but the smell remains strong. Windows are open, fan is on.

Also, when I print on matte paper, there is also a strong smell but different so it must be the semi-gloss.

Any help most graciously appreciated.

How do I act tough on the street?

wastelands — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 19:10:05 -0800

How do I reduce the amount I'm threatened on the street in an urban environment? I am a tall, young male, but about one a month on average, I get hassled by people on the street. No one has outright attacked me, but enough people "test" me by blocking my way, lunging at me (pretending to attack), yell at me and challenge me, etc. that it bothers me and makes me nervous.

I'm not so much interested in "how to defend my self"; there's plenty of that kind of material out there. I'm interested in how to not look so weak and nervous -- how to head off attacks before they even begin by projecting a tougher attitude.

For me personally:

* I definitely have some agoraphobia; I feel uneasy when first going out, especially after being cooped up for awhile. I tend to be a hermit on weekends and evenings unless I have something social planned or the weather's especially nice
* I wear glasses (i.e. nerd association)
* I dress nicely, yet sometimes walk through areas that have street people who probably resent the fact that I have money
* I enjoy walking fast, just naturally, but maybe that can be interpreted as being afraid.
* I'm bad at making eye contact

But I hope this thread is useful for people in general who live in rough areas, so please, any general tips are great too.

Things I'm doing or plan to do:

* I am trying to not look down at the ground so much, trying to look straight ahead more
* I really want to get into better shape and join an MMA gym (not just for self-defense, but because martial arts is fun for me, just haven't done it in ages)
* I'm trying to stand up taller and not slouch or hunch my shoulders so much
* Eventually want to get contacts, to look less nerdy and just because glasses are a PITA sometimes

Thanks!

How do I tell my partner that a recently acquired haircut is...bad?

hal_c_on — Sun, 15 Feb 2009 13:40:05 -0800

So how do I tell my partner that a recently acquired haircut is...bad? So I'm a pretty low-maintenance person. I moved recently (after finding an EXCELLENT hair cuttery), and was forced to find a new barber/stylist. I found one that I could literally walk to, so problem solved, right?

The haircut was pretty bad. I'm the guy who always feels the haircut is great because now there's less hair on top of my head. I've had my hair cut by 80 year old barbers, 19 year old stylists, people in beauty school, friends, family, and even some high-end stylists. I have almost never had a bad haircut, I have always left satisfied. I have a VERY high threshold for bad haircuts.

This haircut was so bad, I actually could see where the stylist was lacking in technical expertise, and I DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT CUTTING HAIR. How do they forget to cut a clump of hair? Of course, I was home before I noticed, so I chalked it up to "my fault".

Being a very smart consumer, I visited this place a few more times with the same results (different stylist/same business). I really thought "oh, it must have been the stylist", or "oh, i didn't explicitly state that I wanted them to cut hair from all parts of my head". Then on my most recent visit (yeah, I'm telling you...I'm not that bright), I realized why I always had bad hair...they cut my hair in about 7 minutes. They had always been that fast at this establishment, while everywhere else, it had taken AT LEAST 20 minutes.

I went home, and noticed that they forgot to cut a clump of hair from the back. Seriously...how does one forget that; its the back of MY head, not THEIR head. The next time I was due for a haircut, I went outside with a pair of clippers and cut my hair really short. My partner helped me out with the hard areas, and bam...a GOOD haircut. I'm low maintenance like that.

So a few minutes ago, my partner (also, rather low maintenance) left to get a haircut...at the SAME PLACE. I reiterated my story; we laughed...but I don't think the partner was dissuaded. Maybe...but probably not.

What can I say when there's a knock at the door, and I open it up to a bad haircut? It STILL is V-Day weekend, and I don't really want to go "damn...I told you...get me the clippers and sit still".

Reading this over, I realize that we sound pretty insane. Yes.

Help me find bad movie franchises!

cheap paper — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 13:48:52 -0800

Help us find bad movie franchises! My friends and I deeply enjoy bad movies- not yuck-yuck National Lampoon type crap that's trying (I assume, I hope) to be intentionally bad. I refer, of course, to the movies that everyone on the production side thought were Really Good Ideas- WishMaster, RoboCop 3, Nick Fury staring David Hasselhoff, etc.

Lately, we've been having ourselves mini bad movie marathons featuring movies that have one or more sequels. Sadly tho', we're running out of ideas for these horrible franchises (which should be self explanatory on mentioning we just finished up the Policy Academy... oeuvre).

Please help us demean our remaining life. Give us some more bad franchise fodder.

You ever have one of those days?

pseudostrabismus — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 12:18:18 -0800

I'm having an "off day" for no particular reason. Feeling grouchy & peevish. This is dumb. Please help me fix it. Specifics are unnecessary, but basically a few things went wrong. Nothing major, mostly on the scale of "annoying". And there were some unrelated problems that all happened in a row- a small stack of irritating coincidences, starting in the morning and compounding all day, probably slightly exacerbated by my worsening mood.

I'm fully aware that I should just let inconsequential stuff like this roll off my back, and how lucky I am to be alive & healthy in a nice country & etc. But nevertheless, I feel grumpy, petulant, discouraged, and annoyed at myself for reacting this way. It's just a bad day, fer Pete's sake, get over it, right?

I have a few things I usually do to try and fix bad days, but suddenly it occurred to me that you probably have even better ideas. So, hive mind, what are your best strategies? How do you turn a bad day around?
Thanks!

Help me make better decisions in the morning

dcrocha — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 10:14:23 -0800

How do I make better decisions in the morning? I hate waking up early in the morning, and because of this I end up screwing up a lot of things when getting out of bed. Some examples of stupid decisions taken just so I could sleep a bit longer: missing classes and exams, medical appointments, not going to the gym, missing (many) flights, not answering important phone calls, and the list is very long.

I seem not to have good judgment when deciding whether or not to get out of bed. How can I improve that?

If only people were all fruit. Then you'd be able to fondle for freshness.

rileyray3000 — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 10:59:23 -0800

Is there a single question you can ask that tells you immediately (if not totally conclusively) whether someone is a good person? I've just found that lately my instinct meter for such things is off when I first meet people. It used to be solid. Now...less so. So is there some sort of first impression question you can ask that gives you some sort of real insight into the person you've met is more of a good person or less of one?

What's that smell?

hapticactionnetwork — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 16:15:15 -0800

My apartment started smelling really bad two days ago. Like some kind of solvent or glue, a chemical smell, strong enough to give me a headache. Could the wood floors that were refinished a few months ago be causing it? So here's what I have to go on:

I asked the downstairs neighbors (our only neighbors) if they were doing anything that might produce that smell, or if they smelled anything unusual in their apartment. They said no.

It doesn't smell outside, particularly.

The smell started about two days ago, at roughly the same time that our air conditioner broke. We live in texas, it's still (sort of) hot during the day. Before that the apartment smelled fine.

Our floors were redone a couple months ago. My roommate thinks this is where the smell is coming from, and I tend to agree. Our landlord, when I called him about it, said that was ridiculous and that the whatever (polyurethane?) dries after 24 hours and couldn't be producing the smell.

Could it be the floors? Two months after they were redone? Could the broken air conditioner (what?) be producing a weird solventy smell? I wish I could post a sample of the smell to the internet for you.

If it is (or could be) the floors, is there anything we can do about it?

MacCanvas? Material recommendation for use on a white macbook?

SECONDHANDSMOTE — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 12:30:34 -0800

What materials would you recommend for customizing a white macbook? I've been living with a stock macbook design, i.e. none, and I want to shake things up with some illustration or design on the white case top. What materials (inks, paints, ???) has anyone had success with applying to the case?

I need examples of really bad research.

tickingclock — Sun, 21 Sep 2008 19:35:23 -0800

I am looking for examples of really bad research. I am the teaching assistant for an undergraduate research methods course and I am collecting examples of some really bad research to show students. These experiments can be bad in any number of ways: bad design, faulty reasoning, misuse of statistics, poor writing, and so forth.

So, MetaFilter, do you have a favourite example of bad research? If you have recommendations for blogs or websites that address issues like this, that would be great, too. (I recently came across a nice blog discussion on a paper that claims that global warming causes suicide rates to increase...)

These examples are meant to be fun for the students, so the more cringe-worthy, the better. Bonus points if they are related to cognitive science.

Thanks in advance!

Looking for movies with tuff (punk) girls...

apetpsychic — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 13:57:00 -0800

I'm working on a video project (and I also love the genre) and looking for movies with "bad' or "tough" girls; gangs or solo, the more punk the better. Extra points for fight scenes! I'm thinking along the line of 70s and 80s exploitation films. I'd also like to check out any general punk or teens-in-crisis movies that aren't Repo Man, Suburbia, River's Edge, Over The Edge or Permanent Record. Thanks for your help!

Should i give him one more chance?

Waterbear — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 12:00:22 -0800

To get back together or not to get back together....that is the question....(of course it's a lot messier than that.........) Was with my bf for 4 years (i'm 31 now and he is 32). Most of that time, besides maybe the first 6-months of honeymoon period, were not good. We fought all the time, mostly about the fact that he was completely and utterly emotionally unavailable. He would go days without calling or talking to me, then be angry and distant when i got upset about it, and/or call me 'needy' (which i know now i most definetely am not). He rarely showed me any type of love (asides from sex, which was always fantastic), and never wanted to talk about anything. In fact, whenever I tried to bring up the fact that I was really miserable and we needed to do something about it he would get angry and a fight would start. After much convincing, he came to a couples therapist with me and sat like a stone through the 3 sessions we went to. After a while I got sick of trying to convince him to go and we stopped. The therapist told me that basically i would be miserable with him b/c he was not willing to change, and had a lot of work to do and a lot to face up to, and to leave him.

We spent 4 years together (including 1 year living together in Japan during which time we were VERY isolated from family, friends, etc), and although we were close for a time, i never felt emotionally intimate with him, I always felt that if i left him he wouldn't care at all. We broke up briefly in 2006, but he begged me back, saying he had changed, and I gave him a 2nd chance only to have him act even worse. Finally i ended things with him last May (2007). He was devastated (but he acted that way everytime I attempted to end things with him).

I met someone else really quickly because, to me, the relationship had already been over for a long time and i'd been waiting for the right time to end it, where i felt strong enough that i could resist his repeated attempts to get me back.

The new guy is one of the nicest, best guys i've ever met, we have fun together, good sex, laugh and laugh, AND I feel so close to him.

THe problem is that lately i started talking to my ex again (he got a job at teh large company where i work after we broke up...i run into him now and then). He says he's been in counselling for the past year to work on all of his issues, and I even went to the therapist that he's been seeing with him, I know for sure he's been going and he seems to have made a lot of progress. I have such a strong attraction to him, and all of our history together...i find myself wondering if I should give him a (third) chance since he really seems like he's changed this time. He says he loves me and i'm the one for him and he will never hurt me again and all the rest. And i'm actually considering it. I've told my current bf that i'm having feelings for my ex, but he doesn't know to what extent i've been considering getting back with him. Now I feel like a total horrible witch for what i'm doing to my current bf. and I feel so torn and confused about whether to get back with the ex, has he *really* changed, etc. I know people say "follow your heart" but my heart doesn't seem to know what the eff it wants!

Has anyone ever been in a similiar situation? Do you think people can really, truly change? I'm so torn right now, not eating or sleeping, any advice would really help.....

Thanks.....

They slammed me and then gave me a raise.

Anonymous — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 19:18:20 -0800

PerformanceReviewFilter: I got a less than sterling review at work, but I still got a 10% raise. What gives? I just had my 6 month review and it was painful. Granted, this is the first review I've ever had, but it hurt.

I work as an attorney at a small firm. My bosses brought me in there and basically pointed out everything I've been doing wrong so far. They both asked me questions and I simply froze up on some of them. I felt really embarrassed and they had very little that was good to say. Still, I got a pay increase of 10%.

Then, this morning, my new supervisor said that one of the bosses feels that I'm not coming along as quickly as he'd hoped I would. She said that my job was not in jeopardy, but I'm freaking out.

Should I start preparing my resume, or does this sound like honest criticism and an interest in seeing me improve?

If you need more details or want to e-mail, please e-mail worriedatwork at gmail dot com.

Good and Bad Web Services - Need Examples

bleucube — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 11:35:51 -0800

I need some examples on Best Web Service, Worst Web Service and Why. I can think of a couple good ones, but I need a few more. I'm at a lost for worst web service. Example of a good website:

Site: Newegg.com
Status: Good
Why: Easy to navigate, advance search allows you to narrow your product decision, customer rating and review, short checkout procedures.

Appreciate it!!