Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with assault

So much for negative reinforcement...

frankly mister — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 03:13:29 -0800

Why do creepy/obnoxious guys (talked about at great length in a couple fantastic recent threads) keep hitting on girls if they never have any success? This is inspired by this recent, amazing thread, and its MetaTalk spinoff.

(First: though I've spent a few hours reading both those threads, I haven't nearly read everything, so forgive me if this is answered in there at some point.)

I don't understand: what drives the creepy/obnoxious guys to continually hit on girls in the creepy/obnoxious manner? If they and their technique are so universally loathed by girls, as seems to be to the case, then it should follow that these guys NEVER have success. Sure, sometimes a girl is a little friendly in return, just to be nice. But presumably it never goes anywhere, so these guys never have any success with the routine. Why, then, do they keep doing it?

Sexual Assault in NYC: how to address medical incompetence and find better resources for women?

zoomorphic — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 12:28:01 -0800

Awful Filter: What are the best women's crisis centers in NYC who address rape survivors? How can I locate affordable therapy in New York for a rape survivor? How do I call attention to hospital incompetence and unqualified social workers? Much, much more inside. A friend, "Jane," was raped last week by a guy she met through work who asked her out for drinks under the pretense of discussing job opportunities. They got very drunk and wound up at his place, but Jane firmly said "no" when he initiated sex. He ignored her even when she repeated "no" multiple times as he raped her. Afterward he was clearly unaware of (or uninterested in) the damage he'd perpetrated, as he suggested they go out again before he moved to another state in a few days. Jane said she never wanted to see him again and went home.

Over the next two days, our friend persuaded Jane to go to the hospital for an examination and potentially to contact authorities. They went to the Coney Island hospital because a reputable website listed it as a S.A.F.E. center. They were directed to a special room where Jane told her story again and again, only to be asked as many times if she was "sure" she wanted a rape kit because it took 3 hours and Jane had waited almost 3 days to seek medical attention. The doctor and secretary also misinformed Jane that if she took the rape kit, she'd be forced to contact authorities. Jane balked because she didn't know yet what pressing charges entailed, but luckily our friend knew better and corrected the situation. She then waited 4-5 hours for a time-sensitive test that is only useful during the first 96 hours after a rape. During the examination, hospital staff repeatedly and rudely badgered her to make up her mind about pressing charges. She also met with a social worker, aka the S.A.F.E. adviser assigned to offer "psycho-social and legal support," but the woman didn't even know what date rape was. The hospital coordinator curtly asked her--in the middle of the ER--if she was "sure" she wanted to call the cops. He incorrectly chastised her for coming into the hospital earlier and then leaving (untrue--so one wonders if another woman was too alienated by this incompetence and changed her mind). When Jane decided to notify the police, the staff didn't call them for much longer. No one offered her the required information about counseling services, but suggested that she could visit the same social worker again (the one who couldn't define date rape) in another week or two.

In the aftermath: Surely there are better services in New York City for sexual assault survivors. Jane has been remarkably calm and sanguine given the circumstances, but obviously she still needs solid, specialized therapy, especially if she crashes. She's not employed, so we need information about affordable/free counseling. My friend and I are also willing to jointly pay for a good private therapist if you have any suggestions.

As a rape survivor and women's center volunteer, I know that Jane didn't receive adequate care from a hospital that is purportedly an accredited S.A.F.E. center. Jane, our friend and I want to address this hospital's incompetence and insensitivity as quickly and effectively as possible. I've already called NYC Alliance to get it removed from their list as a S.A.F.E. center. We want to make sure that social worker never counsels another rape victim again. I want to know how SAFE centers are certified and why a hospital can so manifestly fail at helping women. How do I go about this?

Lastly, Jane decided to not immediately press charges. I understand her decision, but everyone is naturally concerned that the guy could repeat his actions on someone else. If she decides to let him off the hook, she has expressed interest in contact him to let him know that he did indeed rape her and that she was seriously considering pursuing legal recourse. She'd probably email him from a throwaway account and then spam his email at her regular email address. To me, this sounds therapeutic but potentially damaging, especially he finds a way around that spam filter.

Apologies for this diffuse question. To sum up, I'm looking for:

-ways to address hospital incompetence in the wake of sexual assault
-recommendations for resources tailored to victims of sexual violence
-recommendations for therapists, either free or private and sliding scale
-any advice whatsoever regarding the final paragraph.

Thanks in advance.

Assaulted on a bicycle, what should I have done?

lordrunningclam — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 10:03:55 -0800

I go cycling about 3 times a week for about an hour to hour and a half for exercise. Sunday I was riding my bike through probably the best neighborhood in town, in the bike lane, when some kid threw a plastic water bottle at me from a passing car. It glanced off my arm and kept going, after splashing part of it's content of wet cigarette butts and ashes on me. I've heard from a few rude drivers before, but this is the first time anybody ever threw anything at me.

I had my cell phone, but by the time I processed what had happened, he was too far ahead of me to read his license, I'm mildly nearsighted and I wasn't wearing prescription glasses. Has anybody else had anything like this happen, and report it to the cops? What did the cops do? Even though it didn't hurt, it didn't even sting a little, it seems to me this still counts as assault.

How did Kyle Payne get caught?

TigerCrane — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 11:24:23 -0800

How did Kyle Payne get caught?

Pissed.

guniang — Sat, 31 Jan 2009 18:40:48 -0800

My mother was just assaulted a few moments ago. I am in VA, she is in DC. What can I do? Shes in DC, I'm in NoVa. She has bruises on her knees by getting pushed down by some thugs. She doesn't speak English very well and she has not reported it to the police. I am very pissed off and am very close to driving down to DC right now to search for these thugs (no I don't know what they look like but she said the were tall black teenagers) and go report it to the local station. So..what should I do? This a poor helpless women who was walking home from the Chinatown metro and just randomly pushed down OVER AND OVER by some thugs. I am pissed beyond belief.

Is there a chance there are cameras located around Chinatown?

How to help a parent and her adult children cope with an assault that happened 40 years ago?

Anonymous — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 19:10:46 -0800

How to help a parent and her adult children cope with an assault that happened 40 years ago? My mother was sexually assaulted on a date when she was a teenager. Despite seeing various therapists, she is still haunted by the incident and mentions it frequently and in seemingly unrelated conversations, (ie. she will start a sentence with; "Well, when I was raped..."). I'm sympathetic to the situation and have tried to be a good listener. The incident had a huge, negative effect on her life, her self-esteem and the way she views her body and her sexuality. My mother has had a lot of issues with depression, anxiety and I suspect she has borderline personality disorder. At this point, she is resistant to getting any further psychological treatment and gets incredibly defensive when the issue is mentioned. She adamantly believes that there is nothing the matter and that she's perfectly fine. She's adverse to any kind of support group (I've tried).

She first told me of this incident in her life when I was 11, during a 'birds and the bees' sort of talk. She frequently brought the assault up, in increasing detail during my teenage years. In a way, knowing that this terrible thing happened proved to be a cautionary tale for my own life as I began to date and it helped me to understand my mother and some of her behaviors. On the other hand, I feel that constantly hearing about my mother being victimized really messed with me and probably contributed to me spending my teens and early 20s as an angry, depressed, sexually aggressive, and promiscuous young woman. It's almost like my mother's trauma was super-imposed onto my life for awhile. Yes, I've been through loads of therapy to discuss these issues and have grown into a relatively happy, stable adult.

So it is 40 years after the assault and my mom still brings it up in regular conversations, particularly when she is feeling some of the same feelings that she felt back then: powerless, scared, or victimized...which seems to be a lot lately.

I have two pre-teen nieces and I want to protect them from having to hear repeatedly all about how my mom was raped as a teenager. I don't want my nieces to have to carry the same psychological burden on their shoulders as I did.

I need help coming up with some gentle, sensitive and diplomatic things to say to my mom to let her know how that yes, we do care about her and that we'd like to help her cope with the memories of the assault, but also to utilize some discretion when discussing it.

How can I fight crime?

Anonymous — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:45:31 -0800

If I witness a crime in the subway, what is the best way to intervene safely and productively? Lately, I have been riding public mid-afternoon, when the highschool kids get out. There's a lot of loud horseplay, but twice in the past two days I have witnessed sexual assaults. In both cases it was a boy molesting a girl who very clearly did not welcome the attention, while the other highschoolers with them either said nothing or jokingly played along. Both times there were other (adult) commuters around, none of whom did anything (in fact, people tended to move away).

I had an overwhelming urge to intervene, but I didn't know what to do and was afraid for my own safety (I am a very small woman, <5 ft & <100lbs), in part because I could already see that noone else in the train was trying to help. I have been wracked with guilt about having done nothing, and I need to make sure that I am equipped to act next time this happens.

What is the most effective thing for me to do? How can I best ensure my own safety?

(FWIW, my cell phone gets no signal in the tunnels.)

Are the following sexual assault sentences typical?

evidenceofabsence — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 02:19:54 -0800

This New York Times article about an INS agent's alleged coercion and sexual assault of a green card applicant brings up several past cases. All ended in relatively lenient sentencing. And so, I have to ask: Can you even be sentenced to "weekends in jail?" The Times piece briefly mentions adjudicator Kelvin R. Owens, who was "...convicted in 2005 of sexually assaulting a 45-year-old woman during her citizenship interview in the federal building, and sentenced to weekends in jail for six months." It also names agent Eddie Romualdo Miranda, who, "charged with demanding sexual favors from a 29-year-old Vietnamese woman in exchange for approving her citizenship application...was acquitted of a felony sexual battery charge last August, but pleaded guilty to misdemeanor battery and was sentenced to probation." It being that I understand little to nothing (read: nothing) about legal matters, I'm curious as to the following:

1) In terms of jurisdiction, it looks like Owens was tried on a federal level, while Miranda was tried at a local level. Any idea why?

2) Would the above sentences be considered typical for the charges on which Owens and Miranda were found guilty (sexual assault and misdemeanor sexual battery, respectively)?

3) I'm assuming that Owens and Miranda could have been tried for extortion, in addition to sexual assault or battery. Why weren't they?

4) Kind of random, but given the power dynamic, I'm curious as to whether Owens or Miranda's sentences would have differed if, say, rather than victimizing immigration applicants, either had coerced and assaulted a lower-level employee (i.e., if the crimes had a sexual harassment component)?

Apologies for the awkwardness/wordiness (this is my first post), as well as my general cluelessness. Cheers.

why aren't violent sportsfolk charged by police?

taff — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 01:40:08 -0800

why are sportsfolk who deliberately and maliciously injure their fellow sportsfolk not charged by the police? (i'm not really talking about incidental injures... more the kind of stuff that's... um, er assault) i was discussing this with "he who must obey" (mr taff) after watching a few minutes of l.a. galaxy vs sydney f.c. last night. (yes, with the insufferable beckham.... but it wasn't him)

someone from one of the teams deliberately stomped on the arm of a chap who was lying on the ground. a few times. neither of the fellows appeared to be anywhere near the ball/action.

anyhoo... "he who must obey" said that it's not a police matter as it's handled by the referees. i don't understand why and he just thinks i'm a girly idiot for not understanding.

in australia we have rugby union where people become para/quad plegics semi-regularly because some nut job decided to tackle at head height.

why aren't these people charge? is there a sport where they are. what am i just not getting here? what's the story in other sports/countries? is this unacceptable anywhere?

i don't know anything about netball or softball but you seldom here of the really nasty contact injuries like the rugby or football (soccer) lads.

please help me be 1) more salient in my argument with my other half, and 2) understand.

How to Prevent Media from Reporting a Child Victim's Name

metawabbit — Wed, 18 Jul 2007 13:16:25 -0800

Is there any law or regulation that prohibits the media from reporting the name of a child victim of sexual assault? Is there any way to prevent the media from disclosing such information? The issue is in California. Specifically, a news paper is planning to report on a case involving sexual assault of a minor, and may include the minor's name in the report. The District Attorney has decided not to file criminal charges at this time, but a civil case is pending.

Assault by Emmy

maryh — Sun, 15 Apr 2007 23:49:59 -0800

MovieFilter: I'm sure I've seen at least one film where a character was assaulted with an Emmy award. Help me with a bet, please? Any other film deaths/beatings/physical threats where the assailant made use of an award are welcome, too. Thanks!

Grandpa attacked me at work!

4Lnqvv — Mon, 19 Mar 2007 09:52:11 -0800

My office manager/grandfather verbally and physically attacked me recently. Can my boss/father expect me to work in the same office with gramps? We have a sales meeting next week we both are to attend but I am refusing to go if gramps attends as well. Do I have the right to refuse to go to this important meeting or be around my grandfather in the office? This is a very long story. Family biz and politics, very sticky. I believe his attack to be dementia related. He is 81 years old. He was initially fired and has since threatened to call our clients, vendors to do nothing more than wreak havoc. He claims he is not going down without a fight.

He and my father had a sit down and have agreed to let him "retire" gracefully. Now he is back in the office as if nothing has ever happened.

I have been on the road and working rather successfully from home and now my father is telling me I have to start working at the office again. I do not feel I should have to if grandpa is there. Any suggestions?

I do not want to quit my job. He will be out of the business soon, but what am I supposed to do in the meantime?

how can i find out about a minor UK court case?

Flitcraft — Sun, 27 Feb 2005 16:33:57 -0800

I'm trying to find out about a conviction for assault. The case was in the 1980s in a UK magistrates court. Would I be able to get access to the records? Would it show up on a criminal record check? The local newspaper doesn't look like a good bet. Are there other ways I could check? Thanks.

What is this statue at the Hollywood Forever cemetary?

mragreeable — Sat, 03 Apr 2004 11:15:10 -0800

Is there a sculpture of a "winged man sexually assaulting a woman" at the Hollywood Forever cemetary? [More inside] I was reading Expiration Date by Tim Powers, and towards the end noticed this:

Even before they parked Bradshaw's goofy car, while they were still hardly past the office, they saw semi-transparent figures clustered around the big white sculpture of a winged man sexually assaulting a woman. The smoky figures might have been attempting to stop the man, or help him subdue him, or just conceal the atrocity from the street.

The book's account of hollywood seems meticulously researched, so I would have to guess that the statue isn't entirely invented. I can find lots of pictures of the cemetery online, here, for instance, but I can't find a picture or description of whatever he's referring to here.