Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with ass

This is my (zombie killing) jam!

heavenstobetsy — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 16:49:36 -0800

So you're fighting zombies. What are you listening to? We just saw Zombieland and got to thinking, what would be the best zombie-ass-kicking playlist? We've thought of RATM, NIN, Rob Zombie (natch), but we're wondering...What songs might make you want to kick (zombie) ass, or otherwise energize you in such a situation?

Zombie theme is not mandatory, songs/artists which may inspire feelings of just general ass kickery and bad assedness also appreciated.

Clowns to the right of me, Jokers to the left...

prufrock — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 11:31:05 -0800

I cannot tell right from left. Is this normal? So, ever since I can remember I have had trouble with the concept of Right and Left. I'm good at spatial recognition and general directions, but when it comes to Right-ness of Left-ness of things, I have had, upon occasion, to look at my hands and orient my thinking based on where Left of a certain place should lie.

For instance, a few moments ago I was putting on my earphones and it took me 2 seconds to realize where the earphone marked 'R' should go.

This is a minor quirk and doesn't impede my life in any way(except being an annoying RoboRally player). I was just curious if there is a name for this condition and whether other people experience it as well.

I'm right handed, if that matters. And I'm pretty sure I'm not dyslexic.

Funnily enough, googling for this, I found an article that talks about a discussion at MeFi. But I couldn't find it.

Me so hungry. Me program for you long time!

Anonymous — Sun, 02 Dec 2007 15:30:43 -0800

I'm a broke but quite talented programmer. How do I earn a steady income working from a remote location for a company, and programming? I'm tired of freelance gigs, I need something stable (like a 6 month contract with monthly payments, deadlines and remote checking in of code?) I'm working on my startup, and I'm starting to realise that perhaps this startup idea is equivalent to the writer who has been writing his novel for the past 4 years and still works at McDonalds. I'm tired of being poor and hoping on the big payout when my project is done. I need some stable money. How do I go about doing this, but still have enough time left over for my masters degree as well as to continue working on my dreams?

I've done the Rent A Coder thing, and I easily land $2000+ jobs because I'm quite skilled at some specific areas. However, it's time consuming finding the right projects and often the work involved is massive, and the deadlines are extremely tight. This takes away from my study time as well as the time I need to work on my own project. So I don't want to do the freelancing thing anymore.

I'm not a bad programmer because:

1. I do pretty complicated stuff in C++ and the people I've freelanced for are always satisfied.
2. I've been improving myself, and I now know quite a bit of Django+Python+SQL, in addition to my 5 years of C++ and 8 years of VB6. So I do good web based as well as desktop stuff.

I could find a job in a real physical dev shop job easily, but that requires fixed hours, and I just don't have the time. My workday at the moment already runs at around 10 hours.

I love programming, and there is really nothing I'd rather do. But I have my dreams and my project, and I don't want to give this up for money, but reality is kicking in. I need some cash badly.

Where do I find such a steady income job with a perhaps 5 hour daily work load that will not demand impossible deadlines or exploit me?

Too curvy for "clothes for curvy women"

Anonymous — Sat, 21 Jul 2007 22:37:33 -0800

Apparently my measurements are unusual for a fat chick. Is there anywhere I can buy flattering clothes off the rack (in person, and no tailoring needed)? Preemptively: "You're not healthy" (I am) or "I'd hit it" (you wouldn't) go to thatinternetgirl@yahoo.com. I'm looking for helpful suggestions here -- please!

My measurements are 44-32-50. Just under the bust is 35". I'm currently wearing a 36DDD underwire, and somehow I'm comfortable in it (no lumps, bulges, or feelings of impending explosion). I am just under 5'9". While my BMI is not great, my waist-hip ratio is under 0.65. I'm young and I've never been pregnant, so I have no idea why I'm proportioned this way. Please let me know if any more measurements would be helpful.

The trouble may be obvious now that you've seen the numbers. In case it's not, the thing is that it seems like each of my proportions make me a different size. For an example, look at Torrid's sizing chart -- my tits make me a 16; my waist makes me too small for the store; and my hips and ass make me an 20. Similarly, Lane Bryant just introduced new Right Fit sizing, and the curviest style they offer is built for a 34" waist and 47" hips. If I wanted this shirt from Igigi, I would have to buy a size 22/24, and it would be a little loose in the bust, pretty tight around the hips, and give me a whole extra 10" in the waist.

So what do I buy? Or, more accurately, where do I shop instead?

Right now I wear pretty much exclusively jeans (Levi's 515s, made for 51" hips and 42" waist) with men's T-shirts/hoodies (XXL). I'm a college student, so this is somewhat acceptable, but you won't be surprised to learn that it isn't very flattering. But it doesn't seem to matter what I wear, since even when I dress up and look more feminine and fancy, it all looks baggy and terrible -- I have to fit the biggest proportions, which means my waist is totally lost.

I know it's popular to wear a cute flirty shirt with a huge belt over it. Honestly, though, I think it looks pretty dumb to wear a belt over a shirt -- and even if I could get over that, I still think it could only be justified if you have a slim figure and an unusually small waist and want say "look at this!" My waist is still bigger than most girls' hips, so I don't want to bring attention to it (duh). I just want to wear normal clothes that are cut to fit my size, not try to attract special attention with fads like huge weird belts that will be out of style soon. I am not specifically trying to define my waist, just trying to find clothes that fit me.

Also, because of my breasts, a lot of clothing looks really trashy on me. I know "wrap dress!" is going to be the immediate answer, but it looks terrible; anything low-cut, or otherwise purposely meant to draw attention to my body (like ruching/shirring), does. I know there was a related recent question, but besides our very different sizes, our goals are also very different. It seems like that question was "I have curves, how do I not look trashy at the office?" whereas my question is "where can I find normal, not specifically-curve-showing-off, clothes that fit me?"

My ideal clothing would be pretty modest -- cover me from collarbones to elbows to just below the knees. I'm happier being modest, and anyway, nobody wants to see my knees or upper arms. For professional situations I have flared black pants, a bunch of button-down shirts, and a jacket, all of which are nice, but subject to the same fit problems (not enough darts). For casual/classroom wear, I have absolutely no idea what to do, hence the jeans and men's Ts. For lingerie, I'm happy with my everyday bras, but fancy worn-to-be-looked-at lingerie/sleepwear would be awesome (underwire definitely needed, though).

I know there are tons and tons of online stores and mail-order catalogs that cater to plus-sized women, but there are two problems with those. The main one is that, like the examples above, their stuff isn't curvy enough to fit my measurements. Plus-sized, yes, and I need that, but I also need curviness. And second, I can't try the stuff on. And I need to try clothes on before I can even think about buying them. So I need to buy in person, although the good news is that I can get to New York City if needed.

So is there anywhere I can shop, in person, to find clothes that come close to fitting me, without having to have them altered? Even if I get stuff tailored (which is expensive, and I'm a poor student), even if the stuff is able to be altered, it doesn't usually fit very well or look very good because it wasn't designed for a figure like mine. Getting custom stuff made for me is hardly an option, so I'm looking for stores that cater to a not just plus-sized, but also curvy, niche.

How can I learn to love an asshole (and I don't mean someone who is inconsiderate)

DarwinianDan — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 10:27:43 -0800

[GaySexFilter] Help me overcome being disgusted by buttholes. If I don't get over it soon, it's going to be a major problem for me in relationships. I'm a 25 year old male and trust me, I'm gay. No need to post responses like, "Are you sure you're gay?" I love men and men's bodies. I just can't seem to get over being totally grossed out by buttholes. I should tell you that I am a virgin, so I've never actually touched, licked, or sniffed one. But I've seen some porn and can't stand to watch the parts where they "rim." I can watch the actual sex, but I don't like looking at the hole. I just concentrate on other parts of the anatomy instead. If I were straight, this wouldn't even be an issue. But since I'm gay, I realize that most sex acts that gay men like to engage in require use of the brown hole.
The hairiness is kinda gross, but I think the slight brown skin color is nasty. I also have a problem with the fact that shit comes out of the butthole and it can't be entirely sanitary. Maybe you can wash it with antibacterial soap before use, but still...it's a shit pipe! Even if it is properly cleansed, it still icks me out. It wouldn't be very romantic if I asked to cover my partner's ass with saran wrap before I licked it.

Has anyone else ever been afraid of the big brown eye but learned to love it? Was anyone else afraid before they had sex the first time and then found out it wasn't so scary? Advice please. The question might sound absurd but it's actually a serious issue. Thanks!

Help my ass stop hurting!

Anonymous — Sun, 19 Nov 2006 09:07:30 -0800

A new question about ass pain: I've just finished a week-and-a-half course of anti-biotics after some dental surgery. One of the side effects, I assume because of the eradication of digestive bacteria, is that the amount of shit I've been putting out has tripled. I used to be a twice-a-day man, now it's three times and the volume is huge. In the last several days, I've developed what seems like a throbbing swollen vein in my ass, maybe an inch to the left side from the asshole. Oh, sweet Jesus, it hurts. It hurts when I sit, it hurts less when I stand, but it hurts. But there's no blood, and no external tissue, and all the the info I've seen indicates that internal hemorrhoids shouldn't cause any pain. The real question is that since I'm due to drive several thousand miles in a few days, what can I do about it before then? (And no, I don't have any insurance or money, so realize that unless I think that it's gonna be horrible, permanent harm, I'm going to try to avoid seeing one).

It crawled out of where now?

Anonymous — Thu, 21 Sep 2006 21:25:05 -0800

Why is my anus suddenly itching relentlessly? Yes, I shall get this checked by a doctor if it continues beyond tonight. But it's late, and I can't sleep.

Obviously this will contain some delightful anatomical details, you have been warned.

My butt itches! It's just inside the anus, but disturbingly it feels like something small and very wriggly is trying to get out. Nothing actually is, as far as I can tell, so I sincerely doubt it's worms (although I suppose it could be). The itching is sporadic, like a 20 second burst every 3 or 4 minutes.

Pertinent background: about 6 hours ago I ate a Dominoes pizza covered with jalapenos, something I do about once a month. Maybe a couple hours prior to that, in a quiet moment of contemplation, the girlfriend playfully popped a finger "up there" for a few seconds. Nothing vigorous, no pain, and Durex "Tingle" lube was involved. Neither of these things are new experiences, but I mention them for completeness (or should that be "bonus giggles").

All insight welcome, especially if it leads to cessation of the very, very irritating itching in my ass.

How to cure a sweaty bum at work?

Anonymous — Tue, 19 Sep 2006 10:36:12 -0800

What to do about a sweaty bum problem at work? I sit most of the day at a desk at work programming away. The chairs we have at work are probably the cheapest synthetic material ladened chair they could buy.

I can't wear shorts, only slacks and my ass sweats ALL DAMN DAY casue the a/c sucks.

Is there anything I can do about this?? I'm always paranoid I'll be walking down the hallway with a huge sweat satin on the rear of my pants.

A Real Pain In The Ass

randomthoughts — Wed, 05 Jul 2006 07:23:47 -0800

Every once in a while I get a very sharp pain in my bum-hole that seems to be related to a:) Gas or b:) BM (Bowel Movemement). Once it was so bad I thought I was going to pass out from the pain... until the BM happened. The pain feels as if I would be clenching my bum-hole as tight as I could beyond normal pressure and is usually relieved after a BM. Sometimes this pain comes after sexual intercourse (NO, I am not sticking things up my bum-hole, not that there is a problem with that sort of thing) which leads me to believe it has something to do with the tightening of the sphincter muscle? I have heard that there are ways to relieve this pain in the ass, but how? Any relief tips or suggestions?

Why does typing "ass" in an address window take me to the Democrats blog?

Scram — Mon, 28 Nov 2005 18:45:23 -0800

Address Bar-filter. How is it that typing just "ass" into my browser's address window resolves to the Democratic Party's blog... [more inside] while "ass.com" is an aggregation of anal sex links? Are the dems both profiting from sex links and redirecting potentially interested blog readers, or is ass.com unrelated to just plain "ass"? (And hey, I was just trying to get to my Amazon Associates account info and hit return prematurely, honest.)

My cat has started wiping his butt on our bed.

ssmith — Sun, 11 Sep 2005 07:30:35 -0800

My cat has started wiping his butt on our bed. It's really distressing to come home to these long brown streaks on our sheets. It happened once before (about a month and a half ago) but he's done it 3 times this week. It's hard to keep him locked out of our bedroom - it's doable but tricky. Besides, I'm worried he'd just do the wiping on something that's not as easy to wash, like our couch.

He's a strictly indoor cat, although he's managed to escape a few times recently. I'm worried he picked up something nasty that's caused him to make this change in his behavior. He hasn't had any diet changes and he's only 5 years old.

I'm going to be taking him to the vet to see if something's wrong, but in the meantime what the hell can I do to stop him?

one, two, stupid

Item — Tue, 26 Apr 2005 17:41:56 -0800

What's the dumbest thing you've ever seen on the internet? I'm having an idiotic day and would like to find solice in the stupidity of the web. Help me achieve my dream.

Significance of the number 36 in porn

Tryptophan-5ht — Tue, 24 Aug 2004 17:01:41 -0800

I recently watched a home movie of this girlie being all naked and stuff but i was utterly perplexed by the number "36" written in large letters across her ass. I assumed it was just some personal kinky/weirdness till i happened upon a vintage BDSM photo of a young girl with 36 'spanked' onto her ass. Can any one explain the significance of '36'?

Any suggestions for how to cope with an injured coccyx (and pride)?

gatorae — Thu, 04 Mar 2004 22:37:28 -0800

My butt hurts. Any suggestions for how to cope with an injured coccyx (and pride)? [MI] When I was getting into the shower this morning I slipped and landed hard ass-bone first on the side of the tub. It's not fractured or anything where I need to see a doctor, but it is extremely painful. The worst part is, I'm leaving on Monday to go to Las Vegas for a few days with my friends for spring break. I live in FL, so this means a long plane flight both ways, plus lots of sitting and walking while there. Has anybody had to deal with this problem and have any tips on drugs/pillows/anything to make life more bearable? Do I seriously need to carry around a donut to sit on? Also, how long did it take you before it stopped hurting? Thanks!