Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with approval

Tell me why my worth isn't attached to my achievements.

Anonymous — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 15:50:06 -0800

CBT Related: How do you convince yourself that your personal worth is not contingent on achievement and success? I am engaged in cognitive behavioral therapy and have been successfully remapping some distorted belief systems in a number of areas. Success in truly adopting a new "healthy" belief system relies on your ability to rationally, logically convince yourself that this new belief is INDEED true. To the degree you actually believe it, you will adopt it. It can sometimes be tricky crafting arguments that challenge my unhealthy beliefs that my brain will actually accept...but with practice I get better at it. There is one MAJOR sticking area though...and that is my belief that my worthiness comes from my ability to achieve and succeed.

This belief causes considerable anxiety and grief for me personally and I have had a tough time coming up with an argument that I actually believe to the contrary. Since grade school we have been programmed to equate achievement with success (you got an A! you're now DESERVING!) And our society pretty much reaffirms this programming through media and popular culture. Those who succeed are more desirable mates, higher earners, more influencial...they get more, control more resources and are generally admired. To me, this translates to "better person." I am convinced by reams of data that they are not necessarily HAPPIER people...so that much I believe already. That being said, I generally feel down about myself when I am not achieving, succeeding, manifesting my awesome existence through stuff that makes people say "ooooh!" I constantly feel the pressure to amount to something extraordinary or suffer the consequences of being less than worthwhile...

What are some rational, realistic arguments that challenge this powerful belief system? So far I have been unable to convince myself that my own worth is unhinged from what I accomplish in life, and I am looking for the perfectly crafted argument that will drill penetrate my brain like a shiv with the handle broken off.

How do I overcome my fear of disapproval?

richar4 — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 14:34:15 -0800

I'd like advice on how to overcome my fear of disapproval from others. It manifests itself as lack of confidence/assertiveness, self-consciousness, anxiety and fear of not being good enough. Looking for all kinds of techniques, suggestions. I'm 32, emotionally and reasonably socially aware, if not necessarily emotionally/socially intelligent. I have a small group of friends. I have a lot of fear and anxiety around the issue of being 'good enough'.

Some symptoms of this are: I feel self-conscious walking down the street, sometimes even when driving(I know!). It feels almost impossible to get a 2nd/3rd date - mainly due to the confidence aspects I suspect. Emotions are contagious and I really need to crack this, and become better balanced. I need to stop betting the world on and being so emotionally effected by small interactions whether its a date, interview, ordering food from a takeaway, whatever..

I'm looking at some form of talking-therapy although finances are a bit of an issue there as I'm hoping to implement a career change, pay course fees and so on. Any kind of suggestions no matter how small are welcomed. Thank you.

Wither the ADA's blessing?

bruceo — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 13:45:22 -0800

Why do Crest, Colgate, etc. no longer display the ADA seal of approval? Since the '70s, almost all toothpaste brands have sported a "Seal of Approval" from the American Dental Association. I've been accustomed to the cute little ADA logo appearing on all the boxes in my store's toothpaste aisle. In my head, the seal means "Has fluoride and won't dissolve your enamel."

Recently, I noticed that Crest and Colgate and most other brands no longer display the ADA seal/logo on their packaging. I'm not sure when this happened. AIM still displays the seal, but I could not find any others.

Is it possible that the ADA has withdrawn their approval of these brands? Or do the toothpaste companies feel that the ADA seal is no longer necessary or useful?

Tricky Insurance Guidance Needed for Counseling

Anonymous — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 19:22:26 -0800

How do I get insurance approval for counseling in a tricky situation? Okay. Recently married (2.5 months). Already separated (a couple of weeks). Wife was wanting a divorce, but now leaving door open to work through issues first to see where we stand.

We both still love each other (hopefully enough to remain married, not just friends), but need to get our own issues resolved before we can begin to work on our marriage (no cheating, no abuse, etc - just issues that can indeed be worked out if we are willing to and want to).

We both want to see a therapist/counselor (on our own, not together at this time). However, my insurance specifically denies marriage/relationship counseling.

It will cover other counseling, up to 20 visits a year per member.

I would like to get insurance to cover as much of this as possible, as we're talking $40 copay a visit vs $75 a visit without insurance.

I am seeking advice from either anyone who has been in this situation before, a doctor/nurse, or someone who deals with insurance claims. I have to get preapproval and do not know what to say. Since I am not seeking direct marriage/relationship counseling, I am seeking guidance/explanations for my own personal issues (as is my wife), do I just state I need to see a counselor for depression?

I am also concerned about any negative stigma that certain "reasons" may show up as on my medical history.

Please help! This is hard enough to be in this situation with my wife, but I really cannot figure out the insurance part of this either!

Ulterior Motives?

LoriFLA — Sun, 08 Oct 2006 08:31:04 -0800

Would you go back to school if only for the sake of having a Master's degree? I have always wanted to further my education, but not always for the right reasons. A part of me wants to overcome my working-class, dysfunctional upbringing and achieve more to prove that I have overcome my background.

I have a BS in nursing. I stay home with my kids at the moment. If I returned to work, I could make very decent money, and create my own hours. I have worked as a nurse for 7 years, and while I felt I was good at my job, I dreaded going in most days. I sometimes feel that I am "wasting" this degree and should return to nursing and make the best of it. Other times I think I would feel content if I never went back to nursing. I did have a very good attitude, and have a very good work ethic. One probably wouldn't guess that I disliked nursing while I was on the job. I always made the best of my days once I got there, but didn't want to go back.

I like staying home with my children. But I am not the Martha Stewart that I envisioned being, and feel very antsy to do something productive. If I am not going to be Betty Homemaker, I feel that I should do something before I turn into a completely depressed lazy person. I already feel that I am not living up to my potential at all when it comes to being a homemaker, and it makes me feel worse about myself.

My husband and I have discussed the fact that I probably won't ever have to go back to work if I don't want to. That appeals to my lazy ways, but I can't stay home for the rest of my life. Once both of my kids are in school full-time I think I will need to do something productive and fulfilling. I am not very self-motivated, and need some sort of job or class to report to.

I love volunteering at my son's school. It gives me a feeling of purpose. I have volunteered other places, and nothing has given me the satisfaction like this does.

I am applying to my local state university. They offer a MA in elementary education. It's designed for individuals who have a bachelors degree in a field other than education. It can be done very part-time. They allow seven years to complete the program, although I don't intend to take that long.

I am not completely sure that I want, or should become a teacher. I love being with kids, but I know that is not enough reason to become a teacher. I think I am idealizing the profession, and think that it will be something for me to do that will allow me to be with my children during summers, weekends, etc. I idealized nursing also, and would always discount naysayers as sour grapes. Now I know what they were talking about. I have thought about going into teaching for a couple years now. My sister who is a teacher thinks I will be great at it, and a couple teachers have told me I am wonderful with children.

After all of the above nonsense, here are my questions:

Should I go back to school if part, if not most of the reason is to just obtain a master's degree? I think I am looking for some sort of approval or validation. I am not desperate for approval, but I have to admit the feeling is there.

Teachers, how do you feel about teaching? If you could go back, would you do it over again?

Is this feeling of approval normal? Or am I lacking in self-esteem that I could repair just by being productive in my present life? I can't articulate what I think I am going to prove just by obtaining a degree in teaching. I think I need to prove something to myself--that I can do it, that I am smart enough, and that "I did something with my life." I think I would like to return to school and would enjoy teaching, but I want it to be for the right reasons.

Approval ratings for presidents.

JokingClown — Wed, 02 Nov 2005 23:33:43 -0800

Can anyone suggest a link that has approval rating polls of all of the previous presidents. It doesnt have to be all, but preferably the last ten presidents. The more information the better, for example preferrably more then one apprval rating for each president (perhaps their highest and lowest rating). Any links will be greatly appreciated, even if they arent exactly what im looking for.