Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with anxious

How do I act tough on the street?

wastelands — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 19:10:05 -0800

How do I reduce the amount I'm threatened on the street in an urban environment? I am a tall, young male, but about one a month on average, I get hassled by people on the street. No one has outright attacked me, but enough people "test" me by blocking my way, lunging at me (pretending to attack), yell at me and challenge me, etc. that it bothers me and makes me nervous.

I'm not so much interested in "how to defend my self"; there's plenty of that kind of material out there. I'm interested in how to not look so weak and nervous -- how to head off attacks before they even begin by projecting a tougher attitude.

For me personally:

* I definitely have some agoraphobia; I feel uneasy when first going out, especially after being cooped up for awhile. I tend to be a hermit on weekends and evenings unless I have something social planned or the weather's especially nice
* I wear glasses (i.e. nerd association)
* I dress nicely, yet sometimes walk through areas that have street people who probably resent the fact that I have money
* I enjoy walking fast, just naturally, but maybe that can be interpreted as being afraid.
* I'm bad at making eye contact

But I hope this thread is useful for people in general who live in rough areas, so please, any general tips are great too.

Things I'm doing or plan to do:

* I am trying to not look down at the ground so much, trying to look straight ahead more
* I really want to get into better shape and join an MMA gym (not just for self-defense, but because martial arts is fun for me, just haven't done it in ages)
* I'm trying to stand up taller and not slouch or hunch my shoulders so much
* Eventually want to get contacts, to look less nerdy and just because glasses are a PITA sometimes

Thanks!

My Mouth Feels Awkward

Anonymous — Thu, 28 May 2009 14:53:26 -0800

When I get nervous my mouth feels awkward. My tongue doesn't sit right in my mouth and I can't keep my mouth still. I come to the hive for advice. In anxious situations I can't find a position for my mouth to stay in. Everything in my mouth area feels awkward, and this throws off my otherwise comfortable confidence. I have tried fixing my mouth in certain positions (but it still feels uncomfortable), pushing my tongue against the roof of my mouth and releasing it (to relax the mouth), etc.

Holding my mouth still and relaxed likewise feels uncomfortable.

Maybe I'm overthinking this, as I don't think this bothers anyone I encounter too much, but it drives me crazy and throws off my groove.

What should I do?

throwaway email at mymouthfeelsawkward@gmail.com

Thanks in advance.

What do you do when you get antsy/anxious?

isoman2kx — Sat, 07 Jun 2008 19:25:36 -0800

Antsy/anxious feelings. Help; It seems I get antsy/anxious for a few periods of 30 mins or more during the day. Right now is one of them. When I get like this, I hate anyone talking to me, I hate my clothes (they irritate me with creases, clinging to me sometimes etc). I basically get irritated by everyone and everything. Even exercise doesn't help it for long. Sometimes I do just crazy stretches because physically my body is annoyed with everything. It's like I can't sit still when I get like this.

What doesn't help is I don't have a job right now, so I've literally got to entertain myself all day long. I was taking a summer class but have found out I was in the wrong physics and dropped it. The second summer session was already filled, so I'm not taking that anymore.

At any rate, anyone that gets these feelings from time to time? How do you deal with it? Do you have a hobby you take up? Stretching exercises you do? Anything?

-Travis

Did I handle this properly?

Anonymous — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 22:54:30 -0800

New Job Etiquette: Did I do the right thing? I am a university student and have just landed my dream summer job. I am thrilled and I start on the 28th.

Being an 8:30 am - 4:30 pm job, however, means that I will need time off in a few months to attend a court date. I have to fight a traffic ticket (if it's at all relevant, I am 100% sure the police officer made a mistake and pulled me over for speeding, when it was someone else).

I was notified that I got the job yesterday. I will be communicating with my boss via e-mail for the next few days, to set up training dates and my contract, etc.

I e-mailed her this evening to inform her about the court date. I told her I did not want to ask for time off as I had just got the job, but I felt it was necessary to give her as much notice as possible (the job is very schedule-sensitive).

Did I do this right? Should I have waited until I started? Should I have told her in person? I am afraid I may have made a bad impression. If I did make a mistake, is there any way I can remedy that? This job is really important to me, and I want to make my boss glad she hired me.

Thanks for any feedback or advice.

(anonymous because of current co-workers that read the site)

Are there ways to manage anxiety without the use of medication?

Anonymous — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 09:19:12 -0800

I'm anxious. All the time. About everything. Everything! Are there ways to manage this without the use of medication? My anxiety is negatively affecting my life in major ways. I'm anxious about almost everything: that I'll be a failure, that people don't like me, that I'm no good at my job.

Oddly, it's not the ways I hear a lot of people talking about. Flying on an airplane? I'm completely fine with that. But that important work email that I was supposed to write and would only take 10 minutes finish? I've been worrying and procrastinating about that for 1 week.

It's not a hyperventilating panic attack, it's just a low grade feeling of being on edge that's constant and tires me out, like I'm wasting CPU cycles constantly predicting my own failure.

I'm so worried about being bad at my job that the only way I can get through the day is to surf the internet mindlessly to get away from my own thoughts... which means I'm not working and I've fulfilled my own prophecy.

I desperately want to deal with this but 1) I'm scared of using/ becoming dependent on medication to solve something that I feel I should be able to fix on my own.
And 2) I don't have health insurance (my job is freelance).

I've recently (1 month ago) given up all caffeine and started running 3 days a week.

What else can I do to manage this? Thank you for any help you can provide.

I DO SO HAVE MORALS! WAAAH! YOU'RE JUST MEAN!

Phalene — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 19:16:45 -0800

Atheism filter: How do you deal with the awkward un-comfortableness and sense of betrayal when someone indicates complete non-belief is cuckoo, or inherently immoral? This sort of statement is never made with malice in mind, but it hurts my feelings. I am an atheist. It's never been a big deal to me, because I live in mostly secular Canada, my parents were atheists so I had no big rejection/coming out odyssey. I have religious friends, and while their habits may seem a bit strange to me, I have Aspergers so everything- humans do is strange. But throughout my life when I make friends, the conversation may turn theological.

At which point, the person will usually declare equal toleration for all beliefs, except you know, people who don't believe in some sort of universal great spirit. Because you know those people eat babies and they couldn't imagine being friends with an atheist. While not knowing I am an atheist because it's never been an important part of my life.

For example my university prof declared that atheists are arrogant in tones of disdain. Now while I'm willing to say that the universe is indeed subject to debate, I was hurt. If he'd said 'Christians are arrogant' he'd be pilloried, but for some reason just because the Great Spirit all these people believe in refuses to talk to me, my beliefs are somehow intolerant and inferior. :(

Some friends have made the matter even more awkward by flat out asking “You believe in god, right?” Coworkers earnestly tell me that they believe all religions are wonderful and that you ‘just have to believe in something’.

I've sort of stopped attending the prof's class, which will kill my logic mark, because he made me so uncomfortable with repeated 'atheists = hidebound and unable to think outside the box’ that even after figuring out that his problem was that he’d been reading Dawkin’s work and extrapolated it to all atheists, I don’t want to see him again.

How can I handle irrational arguments like ‘You need god to be moral’? I don’t like being called immoral. I have morals because I have empathy. They wouldn’t like it if I questioned their morality so whatever happened to ‘Do unto others?’

I feel scared, isolated and just a little teary eyed just thinking about religious ostracism, which I also feel embarrassed about. Maybe it was childhood where mistakenly mentioning ‘atheist’ on the schoolyard led to earnest admonitions I was going to hell that makes me anxious, but I feel like I’m in social hell right now when people I like or want to be friends with keep making innocent exclusory statements.

So, how do I handle it? Crusade for atheist rights? Nod and smile? Therapy so I won’t feel so insecure? Fake a conversion?

Umm, so where abouts is the off button?

chrisbucks — Sun, 16 Dec 2007 06:50:58 -0800

I can't stop thinking, and it's destroying my life! I over think and over analyse every damn situation, it's causing me major depression and stealing my sleep, so how do I stop? Pretty much I over think everything, to the point that it's starting to ruin my academic career, my job, my relationships and everything else!

I find sleeping difficult, because my thoughts tend to peak later at night, as do my creative ideas, so I stay up late frequently, often I'll decide to go to bed, but eventually get restless and go back on the net or read a book. I'll be about to fall asleep then I recall something I read earlier in the day, or something that someone said, so I find myself compelled to go look it up, or 'resolve it' to myself.

It plays havoc with relationships or even potential relationships, seemingly small issues snowball because I sit around pondering how I could have done XYZ differently, or how I should do so and so tomorrow and spend a lot of time pre-judging how I should handle certain situations. I'm sure if you check out my ask.mefi history you'll see a pattern of that kind of stuff (there's some self analysis going on!)

My last few relationship messed up because I dwelled on details too often and never allowed myself to just enjoy where I was...

I suppose it doesn't help that I don't have many friends to distract me, I wouldn't say I'm introverted though.

Sometimes this over active brain I have is very useful, and I don't want to just lose it, but there are times when I wish I could just find the off switch and go into idle mode and just enjoy existance, instead of worrying about details.

Ideally I just need to get laid and chill the ____ out, but I was hoping or a more internal solution that was immediately accessable. Therapy, medication and assorted other things are workable solutions?

I don't actually recall a point in my life where things weren't like this, but I'm pretty sure I was happy at one point...

Relevant biographics: I'm a 22 year old male, media graduate (or close to it) in NZ.

Urgent Dog Situation: How do I get a dog to trust me, and quick?

mr. remy — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 22:04:40 -0800

The dog I'm dog/house-sitting for will not leave the bedroom. Or come out from under the bed. He growls when I go down the hall in which he is residing. I cannot even get close enough to turn on the light. He has not peed, pooped, drank, or eaten for at least eight hours. When his owner called (four hours ago) I told her everything was great. I figured the pup would give up his game soon. But that was four hours ago... What do I do? Short of calling the lady who hired me (it is late, and she is many hours away and would probably turn around and come back from the other end of the state?

P.S. I am a life-long dog person, and a pretty experienced dog-sitter. I have never experienced anything like this. What to do?

Help me buy an iPhone now, or later.

UnclePlayground — Mon, 18 Jun 2007 11:32:51 -0800

Thinking of buying an iPhone? So am I. Help me decide to wait 'til later, or get it NOW! Of those of you who are seriously considering buying an iPhone, are you going to jump on it now and buy it within, say, the first few weeks of its availability? Or do you plan to hold off for a particular reason (price to come down, for Apple to work out the bugs in the second version, etc.)? If you wait, what will have to happen until you then decide to buy it? This is the first time in my life that I've been excited about buying a cell phone. But friends and family warn of the whole gammut of drawbacks -- cost, first-version bugs, etc.
It's kinda off-putting, so I wanted to hear from the masses.
What. Are. You. Gonna. Do?