Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with ambition

Help me plan to build a boat

Fiasco da Gama — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 00:29:40 -0800

Help me think about and plan boat building. For many years I've been troubled by the odd and inexplicable ambition to build, launch, and sail my own wooden trailable yacht. A smallish one, one that could be lifted out of the water by a few people and stored in a backyard, yet big enough to carry one or two people and dinner and sleeping bags.

I'd like to do it for the satisfaction of building almost as much as for the concrete object.

I have joined a Club on Sydney Harbour a bus ride away from where I live and I am taking beginner's sailing classes. They're excellent, and I think I'm learning—but I'm almost entirely ignorant about how one would go about budgeting for, planning out, buying materials for, constructing, testing and sailing one's own boat.

My wood- and metalworking experience is that of faffing about with my high school's clapped out drills in year 9 of high school (although I did get high marks in it). I am a 29 year old white-collar university-educated bureaucrat, though for various reasons my job security is at best marginal. I live in a rented two bedroom flat without even a verandah let alone a garage or shed for constructing things. I have in the past taken on very long-term projects and completed them, but they've been mainly intellectual not concrete in nature, and I'm stumped as to where even to start. I'm happy to read lots of books. I just don't know what they are.

I'm in no hurry, and the timeframe I have in mind is "before I die". Help this cut-price Noah: what would be the first step towards boatbuilding?

How can I follow my dreams without upsetting my parents?

Anonymous — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 12:38:21 -0800

How can I follow my dreams without upsetting my parents? I am 22 and live on my own. I'm not really dependent on them at all, but rather on social security & things of a similar nature. My parents have very stressful lives, & almost all of my ambitions/wishes/dreams require some level of risk. Everything that I want to do is something that would make them worry for my future and my safety. All they want is for me to be secure & out of danger, because they know what it's like to not have enough to eat, & they never want that to happen to me. So I feel like I can't move in any direction without putting a huge emotional burden on them.

Age difference coming to a head?

brynna — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 14:28:16 -0800

I'm struggling to cope with my older boyfriend... I'm 21 and he's 36. He jokes that we are both "really" 27. I'm 21 and he's 36. However, we are unconventional 21 and 36-year olds. I just graduated from college, with a job working at a charter school waiting for me in August. He has been a bartender for years.
We live together currently and are both moving to separate states in August.

We have been together for over a year. He is the first man that I've lived with and is wonderful and completely supportive in every way. He treats me just as well as I could ever hope for.

The problem, I guess, is that I think of myself as pretty ambitious and motivated and sickly idealistic. I'll be working at a low-resource school, trying to use my education to change a little part of the world for the better. He, however, has always lived sensually and has been very lucky to come from a wealthy, sheltered family without much reason to escape his "bubble." Now, don't get me wrong; I do NOT feel like this makes me a better person than him, I just recognize that our priorities are different.

Since living with him, I've felt myself become more and more complacent.. Whereas before I may have gone to a lecture, now I'll stay at home with him and watch TV. Furthermore, instead of renting a documentary, we will watch UFC. This wasn't troublesome to me because I saw it as "relaxing" after 4 long undergrad years and before starting a very taxing job.

How can I reconcile this difference between us? He has expressed a desire to move with me to Boston, but I've been so hesitant because I can't stop feeling like I'll slip into this complacent, relaxed coma. I would like to have him come with me to Boston, so long as he could UNDERSTAND and support my desire to implement even a little bit of change. Thus far, it might be best to just let him go even though I would be losing an emotionally nourishing person - he isn't challenging or ambitious to me.

What can I do? Is this an age issue? If so, how can I deal with being the "older" one?

Should I keep trying to motivate my partner, career-wise?

Weng — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 19:58:25 -0800

Should I continue trying to motivate my partner, ambition-wise? Should I try harder to encourage him / accept him for who he is, or is this a sign our values are just too different? My SO seems to lack ambition, initiative and / or specific life goals. He definitely has passion, talent & a range of creative interests, but works an unchallenging job that he doesn’t enjoy. Occasionally he gets sad and emotional about “not going anywhere with his life, not knowing what he’s doing” (his words, not mine)… at these times I suggest to him that everyone has these thoughts at one time or another, it’s totally normal but also maybe it’s an opportunity to try changing it up, e.g. in a job that interests and excites him, or developing his hobbies & talents into some kind of project or career. But he never pursues this, just says "hmm", changes the subject and seems uncomfortable or just stays silent if I mention the topic later on or ask if he wants to talk.

I feel like I have a lot of support to offer in this area, because I’ve been through a bit of a 'direction crisis' myself recently. But when I try occasionally to bring up (in a kind way) the topic of his future - e.g. what he dreamed he would do when he was a kid, or if he would like me to make a free appointment with this great careers counsellor I know, or maybe think about the both of us working overseas in a year or two, he is evasive and non-committal. I don't want to nag him, but I also want to encourage him in a practical sort of way.

He is 33, and I'm 25 & we've been together around a year. I'd say we've both had enough life experience on various fronts to be able to make informed choices about where we're heading. I'm now quite driven to finish my Phd, work overseas, learn a new language and other things. Obviously I still feel sad and clueless sometimes, as does everyone (right?), but I have at least a few long-term goals that keep me getting up in the morning & give me a sense of purpose most days. I also (eventually) would like to bring any potential children up to try and work towards their dreams etc, as idealistic / old-fashioned as that might sound.

As much as I was attracted to his casual, laid-back lifestyle to begin with, it's starting to seem slightly immature and uninspiring. I wouldn't mind at ALL if he was contented with just doing his thing, but he does seem sad and unfulfilled by it. So why won't he DO something about this? Am I being pushy by discussing it with him?

Do you think it harsh that I'm beginning to find his apparent lack of motivation or ambition a turn-off? I love many things about him, should I just also accept that he doesn't appear to value achievement in the same way I do?

[Just to clarify, this is NOT to do with having money, status, or being considered a 'success'. I wouldn't care WHAT he did - work, study, meditating all day long! - if he was being proactive about finding something he considers to be worthy of his time, energy and intellect! Do I sound like his mother here?]

Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you accept / work beyond these differences?

How can I use my law degree and still like my life?

Anonymous — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 10:47:38 -0800

I'm getting a law degree but I hate being adversarial. Any ideas for something fun to do with this degree? I know there are books about this question, but I thought some of you lovely people might have personal experiences you could share, or at least some outside-the-box ideas.

I came to law school because I wanted to be a public interest lawyer -- I like helping people. I have one year left before I graduate and sit for the bar. I have spent the last two years learning about indigent defense and working at the public defender's office. Even though I think the work public defenders do is very important, I think it makes me miserable.

I admire public interest lawyers who fight for good, but the truth is that I just hate fighting! That is hard to admit, and it took me a long time to own up to it, but it's just true. Fighting just depresses me.

If I could turn back time, I would never have gone to law school. I would have opened up an organic coffee cart near the beach, or become a dog walker or something. But now I owe $120K in student loans (and by the end of this year, I'll owe around $180K). So I sort of feel like there is no turning back...I'm going to need to get a decent-paying job just to pay off the loans, which means something in the legal field. ...Right?

(For anyone wondering how my debt could be so huge: tuition is $35K per year, and I get about $25K per year for living expenses. Cost of living in my city is pretty much as high as it gets within the US.)

How can a "lazy" person develop successful work habits?

itchi23 — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 08:09:31 -0800

How can a self-described "lazy" person develop really effective and successful long-term work habits? I start graduate school in the fall (MFA program,) and I want to be extremely productive and active in my work during that period in order to be quite successful later in life. There's nothing new in that story - but I've never developed any kind of "good" work habits.
Throughout my undergrad (and going back to high school, earlier) I've always skated through classes and work, just getting by and underachieving. Now, when I really want to pursue a project or idea, I'll get really fired up, and then my enthusiasm dies or I'll get distracted or I'll make up reasons why surfing for teh pr0ns or playing snes is a much better idea than doing the work I really love. I'll finish a project here and there, but nothing close to what I could do if I wasn't ...."lazy." I've tried all sorts of self-help and motivational stuff, and usually I'll follow it for a while and be really productive, and then back to the old habits. Needless to say, I'm looking for any gimmicky or new age-y solutions.
I want to develop rock-solid work habits and be extremely self-motivated; I have a lot of ambition, but it rarely manifests itself into action. It's been quite a while since I've experienced "flow" - and I want that back.
Any suggestions, thing that've worked for you, websites, blogs, etc?

Smallish cities and ambition - can it happen?

brandnew — Thu, 29 May 2008 05:10:12 -0800

Are there any small or medium sized cites that are producing a disproportionate number of famous, ambitious, or motivated people? Recently Paul Graham wrote an interesting essay on the messages that cities send to its denizens. In his essay he implies that it is difficult to achieve cultural, educational, economic, social, or other types of success if one is not immersed in an urban culture that promotes such success.

Mostly I buy his argument. I have lived in a number of cities, and each has had its own unique vibe. And, anecdotally, it seems true that being surrounded by like-minded people makes achievement much easier. It becomes a reinforcing feedback loop. However, his essay implies that these environments can only happen within a city with a sufficiently large population (he uses Paris, London, LA, DC, NYC, Boston, an SF as examples).

However, some people may not want to live in a city with a large population. So, is it possible to achieve success outside of a large city? Are there any small or medium sized cities that encourage success? What are some cities that are churning out a disproportionate number of successful, ambitious, or highly-motivated individuals? Finally, what is the messages that these smallish cities are sending?

Ambition vs. Altruism

uxo — Thu, 08 May 2008 06:16:16 -0800

Ambition vs. Altruism: How do you know if you are going "too far" in terms of self-interest or self-sacrifice? Do you ever make long-term goals and plans for yourself (like wanting to make X amount of money, or writing a book, or traveling, etc.), and then end up questioning yourself, thinking "Aren't I just being overly selfish?" "Shouldn't I concentrate on helping others in some way instead?"

I find that when I make any type of "grand plan" or long-term ambitions for myself, I will hear this "accusatory voice" inside my head.

Has anybody else felt this type of conflict, between ambition and altruism? Have you managed to resolve it in your life? Is the internal conflict just something you live with? Or maybe my problem is that I'm just being too damned self-absorbed? And the voices are right? I would like to hear your perspective.

Some background: I'm not sure where the accusatory voice telling me to "help and serve others" is coming from, but I have a couple of guesses as to its origins. I grew up in an environment where self-sacrifice was praised, lauded, and encouraged. I am also female, so I also wonder if I've simply absorbed something that has traditionally been encouraged in women.

Don't get me wrong, I think it's a good thing to be both self-interested AND to help people. But this voice inside bothers me, because it seems like its telling me "you can't be both." And that I shouldn't just be helping people as a side activity, but making it MY MISSION IN LIFE.

I don't know to what extent I should heed this voice to be altruistic and abandon my person ambitions. I don't know whether it's a voice that comes from my own intuition, or has been conditioned in me by others.

I have a feeling this might be a cultural issue, and that other women, particularly American women, might know where I'm coming from. But I could very well be wrong. In any case, I welcome anyone's and everyone's perspective here.

Sorry if this is rambly and jumbled...I hope I have conveyed a sense of my problem here: not knowing whether the guilt I feel from having personal ambition is justified or not.

How can I become the equivalent of a tenured professor...by next year or so?

Anonymous — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 22:27:28 -0800

What is the (probably software related) job that I want called, and how can I get that job now rather than later? Obscenely lengthy explanation inside. I am currently a programmer, pretty much fresh out of college. However, I find the day to day work of programming pretty tedious a lot of the time. I knew this coming in, but I find most things you could do right out of college vastly more tedious, so I figured this was as good as any and here I am. However, right now I'm trying to formulate some ambitions, and I just need to figure out what direction I want to point myself in order to get what I want out of a job with maximal efficiency.

What I really love is thinking about really hard problems and trying to figure out ways to implement solutions. This makes it sound like programming is the perfect job for me, except that I want someone else to actually do the implementation. I hate thinking about the details, and it's clear from looking at my code; I am careless when it comes to small things, and anyone who knows about programming knows that those small things are what separate the men from the boys. So what I desire is to have a job where I think about the big things, and move the small things to someone else.

For example, right now I'm looking at an extremely short term project for a one-off activity day, where my group is trying to drastically improve one part of a workflow in a way that requires some technical expertise that I happen to have due to my schooling (yes, very specific, I know). Right now I feel incredibly energized about this project because I am throwing around all kinds of round numbers, brainstorming ways to reduce the product space to create a prototype, reading papers about other ways this has been done, and so forth. At the same time, the implementation phase is coming any day now and I face it with total dread, because I'm going to have to be down there in the trenches, and for sure I'm going to throw down some incredibly wrong code or something that will tank us. This is not me being modest, this is me speaking from experience. Even when it's something I know incredibly well, and even when the ideas behind my code are sound, I am shockingly bad at turning out good code.

[As an aside, this lack of detail oriented thinking makes me very, very bad at interviews for programming jobs because the whiteboard coding problems typically require that you get things mostly right on the first try, and your syntax needs to make some amount of sense. I lean heavily on my compiler and unit tests, shockingly enough. Advice on overcoming this career liability is also welcome.]

I know of one job that sounds like what I want to do, which is to be a professor and delegate the details to grad students. I also suspect that people with titles like "architect" and "product manager" do some of what I want. However, I would have to go through either years of grad school, then the mad dash to get an actual professorship (eesh), or even more years of this same programming job and then maybe an MBA too, in order to get there. Is there a way I can have a job like the one I describe now, or soon? I do not require being in the software industry, although that is where my technical knowledge is so it's probably the easiest place to start with. How can I short circuit this process so I don't spend all my youthful vim and vigor working on the parts of problems I find brain-deadening?

I recognize that this question sounds like "How can I skip paying my dues and get a fun, inspiring job right now?" I mean it to be more "What kinds of jobs are there for someone with entry-level experience that play to my strengths and not my weaknesses? If any?"

I also welcome the reality check of "crinklebat, everyone wants the job you describe, but only the brilliant get it and you really do just have to pay your dues and work really hard for the next ten to fifteen years in order to get anywhere close." That would be a helpful data point in my quest for jobly fulfillment and probably would be in line with my current beliefs (if not my current hopes). I honestly have no idea whether the job I want is one that everyone would want.

So, um, tl;dr but I hope someone knows what I'm talking about and can offer insights and all that.

How do I lose my sense of entitlement?

lekvar — Fri, 18 May 2007 16:37:11 -0800

How do I lose my sense of entitlement? Far from having "immigrant mentality," I have the "entitled white boy" mentality, and I'd really like to lose it. When I was younger I never had to work too hard because people ascribed to me a high level of aptitude I never really earned. Now that I'm out in the Real World I'm having a hard time mustering the success that a nattering little voice in my head says I deserve, but I lack the drive to achieve it, having been handed so much without any effort on my part.

So.

How do I silence the voice that say I deserve everything so I can muster the ambition to actually earn it?

Should I stay with my girlfriend?

Anonymous — Sat, 17 Feb 2007 14:41:36 -0800

Is it a bad idea for me to stay with my girlfriend if I see no marriage potential for our relationship? For the record, we're both in our 30's and we've been together for about half a year. It's come up in conversation a few times that she'd like to be married at some point in her life, though she's always phrased it in general terms rather than specifically saying that she'd like to be married to me at some point (though I get the feeling that may be what she's thinking).

She's very friendly and considerate, and I think that's what's kept us going. However, the long term deal-breaker for me is that she's care-free/apathetic to the extent that she's lacking any sense of initiative. For instance, there was a community event last fall that she really wanted to participate in. She had all the skills and was qualified for it, she just needed to fill out the registration forms beforehand. Registration was open for several months, but the registration deadline just came and went before she got around to doing anything about it. Sigh.

She's nice person and it's fun to hang out with her, but I get the feeling that personal ambition just isn't her thing. So, um, what do I do now? On one hand, I could see myself continuing to float along for the ride, but on the other hand I'm not sure how I feel about doing that since we likely have different ideas about where things are going/aren't-going in the long term.

Help me find some goals.

Anonymous — Sun, 29 Jan 2006 01:44:15 -0800

Help me get out of a rut. I love to play basketball. I enjoy just going after the goal (of a basket, pass, or the win) with everything I've got. My problem is that I don't feel that way about anything in real life. I have a very well-paying job and a good relationship, but no drive. Left to my own devices, I tend to surf the web or watch t.v. all day. If I won the lottery and could do anything I wanted, I'd probably do the same. I just am not that interested in doing anything.

But it doesn't make me happy.

How can I be one of those guys who's driven to do something in real life? I really don't seem to care enough about status, fancy cars, helping people, or whatever to pursue something. And I don't need the money. But I wish I could find something in life that makes me feel that sense of urgency that sports does. Whether it's a career, hobby, or whatever doesn't really matter.

Ergo sumbitch

Mach3avelli — Tue, 06 Dec 2005 15:21:00 -0800

I unwisely coasted through college, and here I sit, one year later, Communication degree and 2.8 GPA, grinding it out from menial job to menial job. I'm not here to make excuses, but rather to make up for past mistakes, as I finally discovered that inner drive that's pushing for me to pursue a career in Law. Other than acing the LSATs and getting some law firm internships under my belt, what other sorts of steps can I take to buffer my standing before applying to Law school?

What motivated Bill Gates?

ValveAnnex — Sat, 23 Jul 2005 22:16:37 -0800

What motivated Bill Gates?

How to stay mentally focused

vraxoin — Wed, 30 Jun 2004 07:46:35 -0800

Suggestions for getting and staying mentally focused? [mi] My last day of work at this job is Friday. After that, I'm a freelancer--doing web development on my own from home. One problem that I've been having working from home is that it's harder than at the office to stay focused on work. The distractions I can deal with by shutting my office door, but what strategies can I use to keep my mind fresh and on the task at hand? Jumping jacks? TM? Yoga? Yerba Mate? I'm willing to think outside the box.