Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with alzheimers

Where to find volunteer pen-pals for elders?

cross_impact — Sat, 26 Dec 2009 07:37:28 -0800

Mission of Mercy Filter: How can I find sources of cheery personal mail for my lonely elder Alzheimer's patient? I live with my mother-in-law who has middle stage Alzheimer's. She does a lot of sitting and staring. She has no attention span for books or magazines or TV. She lights up for visitors, dessert, church... and personal mail. I am looking for a service that arranges (basically, one-directional) "pen-pals" for elder shut-ins. She has just enough means to assure her basic care, but not much for extras. This would have to be a volunteer service like a charity or ministry. I am getting involved in some mail art swap sites in order to direct my part of the swap to my MIL. I am also going to send her some stuff on my own. But I got to wondering -- isn't there a service out there that does this kind of thing? And if not, isn't that a great idea for a service?

If sitting down and jotting a note to someone would make someone's day, wouldn't that be worth doing? I would volunteer for such an effort if it existed. Can you help me find one?

Yes, another gift question. Sorry.

Mavri — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 11:31:22 -0800

What would be a good TV show to give to a person with Alzheimer's? A family member has Alzheimer's. I've always given him books for gifts, but he can't really follow them anymore. (He's a history buff, especially WWII and military history.) His wife says he likes NCIS and the CSI's. She also says she doesn't think he could follow a show with complex, season-long plots, like Lost or the Wire.

I would kind of like to avoid getting him DVD's of a show that's on TV all the damn time, like NCIS and the CSI's. Any suggestions for hour-long dramas that are both engrossing and stand-alone? It doesn't necessarily have to be an American show, but something with thick accents might be hard to follow for him.

Any other suggestions related to the military history and WWII aspects are welcome too--good documentaries, for example.

How do I talk with a parent who can't recognize me?

dbmcd — Sun, 12 Apr 2009 23:21:01 -0800

How to talk and 'entertain' my mother (with Alzheimers) when she no longer recognizes me? Three visits in a row now (weekly) and my mother doesn't recognize me anymore (she's in a dementia care facility). I've been expecting this, but realize that I really don't know how to talk with her anymore.
In the past, even though her memory was not great, we could still chat - she'd ask me (repeatedly) where I was working now, and I'd tell her (repeatedly). I actually enjoyed those times, and I think she did too.
Now, she doesn't know me at all - her vision is very poor (she's had macular degeneration for over 10 years), and her hearing isn't great, so it was hard for her to 'recognize' me at the best of times.
Okay, background over - what/how can I best talk with her, and have my visits bring her some enjoyment? Unlike many folks with this disease, her memory in general is pretty much shot - she can't tell stories about her past, and her word access is worse as the weeks go by; so asking her things is hard on her (it comes out often as word salad).
Thanks for any help or answers you can provide. I'm going to bed now, but will check back in the morning.

Where are you going, Ronaldo?

TimeTravelSpeed — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 11:35:32 -0800

Help me identify a song my grandmother with Alzheimers sings sometimes: "Where are you going Ronaldo? I go to Las Vegas"... My grandma sings this song sometimes and I haven't been able to find it on google. The lyrics she sings are:

Where are you going, Ronaldo?
I go to Las Vegas.
What do you do in Las Vegas?
I live on a house by the bay

Ronaldo he fishes
she washes the dishes
In our little house by the bay

Has anyone heard this song before? Grandma's in her 80s and the song is likely very old-school. I'd like to hear the complete version or know who sang it. Thanks!

Are there doctors who use Methlyene blue for Alzheimer's treatment?

Anonymous — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 06:35:02 -0800

I'm looking for a doctor (possibly within driving distance from Detroit), who might be comfortable talking about off-label treatments for Alzheimer's. Specifically, I'd like to get some qualified, knowledgeable info about Methylene blue. Thanks everybody.

Why did my mom's personality change?

Anonymous — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 07:24:45 -0800

What the heck is wrong with my mother? This is LONG. Convenient summary in the last paragraph for those who want to skip the lengthy backstory.

My mom has always been a very sweet woman, but a bit of a pushover. When I was a teenager I learned very quickly how to push her buttons and how to get exactly what I wanted from her. We also had a lot of typical mother-daughter arguments. I feel like a jerk now for that, of course, and as I got older our relationship dynamic changed into a very pleasant, friendly one where we would talk on the phone for hours (we live in different cities and have since I was 19).

She and my father divorced when I was 4. 10 years ago, when I was 23, she remarried a man who we all thought was nice, if a bit bookish and shy. They seemed very happy. A few years ago, things changed quite a bit and in the past couple of years I have noticed some very worrying changes in her behavior. Examples:

1. She was very close to her mother as far back as I (or anyone else) can remember. My mother and grandmother used to talk on the phone twice a day and my mother would visit her 2-3x a week when they both lived in the same city. My mother said she would never move away while my grandmother was alive. Instead, my mother and her husband moved about 5 years ago to another city two hours away from my grandmother's home and stopped calling her as often. She now calls maybe once a week. The reason for fewer phone calls? Her husband doesn't want to pay the long distance charges. We have attempted to get them a $20/month unlimited long distance plan, even offering to pay for it, with no luck.

2. My grandmother had a stroke about 4 1/2 years ago. I lived in another state 7 hours away and my uncle (mom's brother) lived across the country, and we both dropped everything (jobs, family, personal obligations) to take turns sitting by her side while she was in the hospital. My mother didn't come up for two weeks and canceled her first scheduled visit because she "had a dentist's appointment". My mother and her husband are retired and have no personal obligations besides church choir once a week.

3. During a family reunion this summer, my mother argued with and yelled at my grandmother because she was moving slowly (grandma is in her 90s and was having stomach problems that morning). She also burst into a fit of rage when describing some kids misbehaving at her church - vein-popping, red-faced anger just from recounting a situation. She also used a racial epithet during another conversation that weekend. My mother has always been a very caring, compassionate, empathetic woman and has never displayed any prejudice before. My uncle's description of her behavior was that she was like a caricature of herself, which I would say is an accurate description.

4. Her handwriting has changed significantly, from tight cursive that went straight across unlined paper to loose, scrawling writing that tilts upwards. She has also started forgetting things very easily, which she chalks up to "senior moments" but I think are more worrisome than that - she forgets things that she has been told repeatedly, even when it is told to her in writing.

5. She had a seizure a year ago and neglected to tell me about it for several months. Based on the description of what happened, it sounds unusual for a seizure - she was "acting weird" for a couple of days, according to her husband, and she was "talking gibberish" a few hours before it happened. He left to go to the store and asked a neighbor to sit with her while he was out, and she collapsed during the time that he was at the store. She had been on Dilantin for 40 years and had tapered off it earlier that year, but her doctor put her back on it after the event and she has not had a recurrence.

Some of you have probably picked up the slight undertone of derision when I referred to my mother's husband above. In the years since they have been married, he has increasingly displayed his penchant for controlling every move that is made in his household. He refuses to get an unlimited long-distance plan even though it is cheaper than the per-minute plan they use. He controls when she can make the two hour trip to visit my grandmother. He stands behind her when she is on the phone with me, my grandmother, or my uncle and chimes in, and sometimes actually coaches her on what to say. He tried to put my grandmother in a nursing home after her stroke, before giving her a chance to recover, and fought my uncle on it - and to this day, will not speak to my uncle except through my mother, as he coaches her on what to say to him. He makes my mother pay for her own dinners when they go out to eat and has coerced my mother into making a play for some of my grandmother's money (she's not rich, but has a living trust that is to be divided between my mother and my uncle).

The reason I include that background is that I think it is affecting some of my mother's behavior. However, the handwriting changes, forgetfulness, and seizure make me feel like something neurological is at play. The problem is, I can't call her doctor and ask, and I can't ask her husband because I'm concerned that his controlling personality will not allow him to accept suggestions from others. And, I hate to say it, but I wouldn't put it past him to ignore symptoms and allow her to become ill to increase his control over her.

Summary: Mom's personality has changed significantly in the past few years. So has her handwriting, memory, and health. Her husband is a controlling dick, so it's difficult to approach him because he won't let anyone else get too close to her.
Questions: What the heck could be wrong with her? Is it just aging or does it seem like something neurologically wonky is going on? And how should I approach this - can I call her doctor and tell him I suspect that something is wrong or does even that overstep the bounds of confidentiality? Or should I try to approach her husband, and if so, how?

How will his liver cancer end...?

twine42 — Tue, 10 Apr 2007 04:33:12 -0800

My grandfather has been diagnosed with a liver/pancreatic cancer that can't be operated on. How is this likely to play out? How do we deal with my grandmother afterwards? I know none of you are doctors. I'm after experiences and suggestions not carefully guarded vague statements. We're all in the UK if that effects anything you're going to say.

The old goat is 86 years old and appears to be in superb health. Routine blood tests last year showed he had problems with his liver. Meds change did nothing so he was hit with a barrage of tests. The result was a diagnosis of cancer at the bottom of the liver bile duct in the liver/pancreas area.

Because of his age, risk and the state of my grandmother's health (more of that later) they've decided that the best course is to let the cancer run it's course.

The doctor implied that he had 3 to 12 months to live. He stated that once my grandfather get jaundiced he'd have a stent put in. He also stated that stents tend to get blocked after just three months. He implied that there would be no need to replace the stent, in turn implying that once jaundice starts, he's got 3 months tops.

He's in good spirits and generally seems to be of the opinion that he has to die some time, so why not now. He was considering having the risky operation on the grounds that he would rather die on the table than from cancer.

So... the questions...

1) How is this likely to play out for him? His eyes are starting to show grey/yellow but he's not had a stent fitted yet. Is the 3 month guess about right?

2) The doctor implied that he'll be fine until the last week or so, at which point the pain will become 'moderate'. Are we talking codrydamol or liquid morphine here?

To make things worse, my grandmother is an OldTimers case. Often she's fine apart from a lack of short term memory but then other times she talks nonsense, apparently stringing words and sentence fragments together at random, frequently based on events that happened decades ago. She mixes pronouns all the time, frequently has no idea who family members are but pretends she does and doesn't recognise her own house of 20 years.

3) How the hell do I explain this situation to her? Attempts to convince her she had alzheimers went badly enough (and weren't remembered).

4) What the hell happens after he dies? She can't live on her own, and my brother and I are completely unable to look after her. How does one put a family member in a home while they're lucid enough to be upset about it?

So, basically "OMG planning/emotional overload, what the hell do I do now?"

Help me feed an alzheimer's patient well

missed — Wed, 14 Feb 2007 21:54:40 -0800

How can I improve my grandmother's nutritional intake with super simple-to-make foods? I am not at all a cook. My habit, I eat like a junky would (although I'm not at all a drug user). I'm really becoming concerned about the way I feed my grandmother, because I don't think I'm feeding her as heartily as she should be eating. She's in her mid-80's, and aside from her severe alzheimer's she's in good health. Can anyone recommend some fairly simple dishes, recipes, or even cookbooks for a cooking noob who is lazy about such things?

Please no meals-on-wheels suggestions. I'd like to be a better caregiver

Indentify this play about Alzheimers

Pericles — Thu, 27 Apr 2006 05:53:57 -0800

Anyone know the name of a UK television play (1980s?) about people with Alzheimers, starring real patients and actors playing the patients' younger selves. Probably with period music.