Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with alimony

California alimony

miss lynnster — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 22:36:15 -0800

(Asking this for a male friend.) Getting divorced in California. What kind of alimony should I be expected to supply my soon-to-be ex wife? Advice and insights, please! We have been married for 17 years and have 2 kids, ages ten and 14. I have been (and still am) employed with the same company for 11 years. The soon-to-be-ex does not work and does not have any income at all. We own one house, two cars. I have a 401K an IRA. I opened an IRA for her and contributed some money over the years.

Since this is a long term marriage, I would like to understand what the law considers fair in this instance and what am I expected to pay her and for how long. Also if/how the requirements change as the kids reach certain ages and if either of us remarry, etc.

We are both open to mediation and an amicable agreement (as of now at least :-) ). I need advice on how best to proceed and recommendations on good mediation lawyers in the San Francisco bay area that could help me and provide me with sound advice and professional services.

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If you have any specific questions that would make it easier to respond, ask away and I'll try to get the answers for you.

I think I am going to pay alimony -- what am I getting myself into?

calhound — Fri, 29 Jun 2007 14:46:06 -0800

DivorceFilter: Am I being too nice to my soon-to-be ex? What do you make of this situation? My wife has filed for divorce against me over irreconcilable differences. Please bear with me, as I've spent 30 minutes writing this up.

The detailed backstory: We have one 3-year old boy who has awesome and has a happy disposition. We have no substantial assets, and just successfully completed a long Chapter 13 bankruptcy from a $25K medical bill and some credit card debt. I may have Aspergers Syndrome; an autism psychologist I saw in 2004 decided I have it yet no one else I know agrees; my wife has locked onto this as an untreatable affliction. She has always been sort of highstrung and very controlling of her surroundings; to me my Asperger-like qualities are behaviors that originate from my fear of her temper and controlling personality, and that's prevented me from getting emotionally close to her even though I love her and am very attracted to her; I inevitably came under her crosshairs as a liability to be put out of the house. This way she could find intimacy elsewhere. She did talk me into allowing her to have a sexual affair during a 4-month separation we agreed to last year, and again last month after she told me her divorce intent. Interestingly last week we both realized and agreed strongly that she has borderline personality disorder and fits the entire constellation of symptoms, but I'm not sure if that issue is relevant. There has been zero violence, though she has hit me twice in our worst arguments. She sees herself as an emotional abuse victim because she's had to deal with "me". We are still capable of being good friends and things have actually gotten more cordial between us since the divorce agreement. Okay. Whew. Moving on...

Now for the problem.

As I've had time to digest this it's been gradually dawning on me that the divorce may not be financially sustainable. I bring in an average of $4000 a month, and this fluctuates by +/-30% every month. My wife wants $800 for child support plus $2100 for alimony for 3 years so she can pay rent/utility/internet/etc; rent is $850 FYI. The $4000/mo I get is after business expenses but before taxes (which are about 28% due to 1040, 1040C, and 1040SE).

Alimony is not awardable in Texas so it's something I'd be voluntarily doing. I initially said I was open to it because I realize that my kid's home is more important than my own and that I respected her job as a mother. She agreed it would be for 3 years only so she could work on getting her own business started. It would have been doable because I would have been living in a 20-ft travel trailer in the back yard and sharing the rent and utilities. However it means I can't afford to go back to college (no colleges within 50 miles), and presents an awkward situation for her if she gets romantically involved with someone else, and I think it prevents us from moving on with our lives.

I got to talking to my mom today about this and she said she's never heard of anyone doing any alimony arrangement like this. It's clued me in that I might be digging my own financial grave and that maybe I can't afford to pay for mothering duties.

In short here's our situation. We have no assets and our vehicles are over 10 years old with 200K miles on them.

Me:
* Age 38, happily self employed, makes about $50K adjusted taxable income
* Likely to keep only business items, some basic furniture, and one of the two vehicles
* 3 years of college classes, with no degree, and I want to finish college and improve my credentials

She
* Age 37, homemaker and mother, not employed
* Intends to claim the rental house, travel trailer, and majority of our belongings, and one of the two vehicles
* Has 4-year BS degree from a state university

We have been under friendly terms and a few weeks ago I proposed we make no changes and continue being separated, but she declined to allow it to continue because other people won't get serious with her if she's still married. I also proposed getting our divorce but keeping our finances bound by written contract, but she thinks this can't be done for some reason.

I think it is absolutely imperative for us to resolve our problems, but she is not receptive to any ideas I have. Furthermore I'm keenly aware that actively resisting a divorce at this late stage is always harmful and counterproductive, and makes her more dead set on it.

Yes, I know, "lawyer up", "see a lawyer", etc, but it's Friday afternoon and I can't discuss this with anyone until next week. I also want a handle on my situation before I deal with anyone trying to coax me into action. Yes, I know "see a therapist", but we did a couple of years ago to no good end, and I don't know anyone around here with the professional background to address any Aspergers issues to my wife's satisfaction.

I think I know how this is looking but I throw myself on the mercy of Metafilter for advice.

Best place to get married/divorced?

zaebiz — Wed, 30 May 2007 16:39:56 -0800

Where is the best place in the world to get married in terms of most favorable property settlement and alimony laws to the primary provider in the event of a divorce? Just wondering. (No I'm not planning on finding some Tanzanian girl to marry) Also if you get married in another country and move to the favorable country and get divorced there, do the laws of the new country apply to the divorce?

What can a commissioned retail salesperson deduct?

camfys — Wed, 04 Apr 2007 12:12:09 -0800

My mom is a commissioned retail salesperson for Gucci. Because she gets $13k/yr. in alimony, she always owes when she does her taxes. If she itemizes this year, what could she deduct? Hair/nails? Makeup? Magazines? Dry cleaning? Jewelry? Any info would be appreciated. We're trying to figure out whether to just let me do her taxes online as I have done in the past, or if there is a possibility of her not owing the IRS $200/month by itemizing.

Also, are her credit card statements good enough for receipts?

Thank you.

Financial advice for a rough breakup.

Anonymous — Sat, 11 Dec 2004 19:21:58 -0800

You are not my attorney, and I'm not asking for legal advice. I would like an opinion, though, on the financial situation of a rough breakup. I've been with my girlfriend for seven years, and we're splitting up. It's gotten ugly. She has $10k in credit card debt, some of it for things she's bought for me/us, some not. She's telling me now she wants $5k from me, or she's going to start selling the things she's bought for me (such as the PowerBook I got last Christmas). I was going to be the bigger man in this, and help her pay her debts off a bit at a time, but now I'm extremely angry. I want to find out if there is any legal grounds for me telling her that no, we were never married, she gave me these things as gifts, and I don't owe her a dime. I live in Texas, for what it's worth, and I am looking for an attorney locally.