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What's normal in the first few weeks of AA

Anonymous — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 18:40:03 -0800

Can someone who's been there, or is close to someone who's been there, relate to me how the first few weeks in recovery from alcohol abuse in an AA type typically play out? My partner is going through this, and I'm feeling pretty confused, abandoned, and (I'm ashamed to say) a little angry. My wife and I (late 30s) had fallen into a pattern of drinking way too much on most nights. I'd consider it pretty heavy drinking -- about a bottle of wine each, supplemented with a couple of beers, between dinner and when we went to bed around midnight. So we decided to cut it out about a week ago. I haven't found it difficult at all to eliminate the booze, but my wife felt the need to go to AA meetings because she's been having serious cravings, etc. I support that decision, but I'm confused about how all of this is supposed to work. She's been going to up to 3 meetings a day, hanging out at the recovery center even when there isn't a meeting, going out at night with fellow AA-ers, and so on. She's even taken our young kids to the center when she felt the need to go hang out there while I was at work. The latter makes me especially uncomfortable because lots of people at this recovery center are homeless and generally really down and out, and I'm not sure that's a setting that my 4 and 8 year olds need to be exposed to. But my wife says she *needs* to do this for recovery, so I don't feel like it's my place to question it. That said, I'm suddenly facing two very confused kids, have missed a bunch of work to accomodate meetings, and basically haven't seen my wife for days.

So my first question is whether this level of involvement with the 12-steppers is within the range of what might be considered typical. My second question has to do with alcohol withdrawal symptoms. As I said, we stopped drinking a little over a week ago, and my wife is still complaining of nausea, shakes, sweats, etc. Is that even possible? And if she's having such severe withdrawals, wouldn't it be wise to check into a residential detox center (she's steadfastly refused to do this)?

Thanks for any input, and just to head off the obvious suggestion I'll let you know that I already have an appointment with a therapist scheduled for myself next week. Wife is also in therapy and has been for a few months for issues unrelated (at least not directly related) to alcohol. E-mail me at plantbot@gmail.com if you'd rather not post publicly.

Post-sobriety drinking success stories

Anonymous — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 22:28:25 -0800

Are there any stories of recovering/recovered alcoholics (with more than a few years sobriety) returning to drinking without serious consequences? I'm looking for post-sobriety 'success' stories. I've heard many, many stories of relapse and failure, spent years in AA rooms, worked the steps, etc. But I also know that the alcoholics that stick with the 12 Steps program are a bunch with an enormous selection bias, that the accounts of returning relapsers are accounts supplied by those who returned to find their addiction has been waiting for them, 'doing push-ups.' I'm also aware there's a small, but growing, AA-skeptics movement, mostly concerned with the AA insistence on a higher power, but at least partly worried about the unsubstantiated 'disease' model of alcoholism.

I haven't heard any serious challenges to these claims, and that's a little too one-sided for me. I know people who think the moon landing was faked, but even they'll agree: 'once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic.' What I'm interested in are anecdotes, biographies, livejournals, groups, clinical studies, neurological evidence, and any other form of expertise that truthfully attest to three things:

1. Full-blown, addictive relationships to alcohol
2. Long-term sobriety with meaningful 'spiritual' growth or psychological maturation
3. A return to moderate drinking without 'slips' or binges

The right AA meeting for a beginner?

Anonymous — Tue, 16 Aug 2005 15:13:27 -0800

Which Alcoholics Anonymous meeting is best for a newcomer? I have recently decided that my drinking is out of control and I need help to deal with it. After weighing my options I think AA is the best choice at this time. I have a list of meetings in my area but there are so many different types listed I'm not sure which is best for a beginner. Steps/Traditions? As Bill Sees It? Open Discussion? Closed? There are one or two meetings specifically for beginners but they are a bit further away from me than I can manage right now. I need something close by or I won't be able to get there on a regular basis. I know that anyone with a desire to stop drinking is welcome at any AA meeting but is there any particular type that I would be better off approaching?

God found my wife, now what do I do?

Popular Ethics — Wed, 20 Apr 2005 20:54:22 -0800

God found my wife, now what do I do? I have been married for less than a year, but have known/dated my wife for almost ten. Our personalities differ quite drastically. I'm patient, thoughtful, slightly emotionally frigid ;) and a staunch skeptic. She's passionate, outspoken, and empathetic. Despite this, we share most of our core moral ideas, and we've always been able to discuss those things about which we disagree. I deeply respect her.

Last month she recognized she couldn't control herself when it came to alcohol, and joined A.A. I'm thankful she was self-aware enough to make this choice before the consequences of her addiction became too severe. A.A. initially gave me a lot of hope, as they have helped thousands of people and their serenity prayer is singularly wise.

However the path AA has asked her to take makes me very uncomfortable. As a theistic organization, they demand that she surrender her judgement to (a) God, or face returning to drink. My wife has thrown herself whole-heartedly into this, and has confessed to me that she now believes in a personally-interested god. This is a bit of a shocker, as she's never been particularly "spiritual" as long as I've known her.

Recent discussions on the matter have ended with both of us upset. I am not so much concerned with her conclusions, as I am with her integrity in reaching them. She feels that her confidence in God's existance doesn't need to be justified. I have an almost gutteral feeling that this impass will lead to a weakening of my respect for her, and jeapordizes our relationship.

How do I learn to respect, or at least stop worrying about, her new faith?