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Setting healthy boundary with my highly functioning alcoholic mom

My mom leaves far away. In another country. I speak everyday with her on the phone for 20 min. She is everyday drunk. I know by her voice. When she drinks and when she doesn't. However, alcohol did not affect her career, money, even she is still married to my dad- although not the best marriage, I still believe they get along well. [more inside]
posted by barexamfreak on Jul 8, 2014 - 17 answers

How do I deal with my alcoholic mom

Hi guys I live in us and my mom in Romania. We talk on the phone quite often- everyday being that I am the only child. But it hurts me so much when I talk to her to know that she drank, or that she is drunk. The way I suspect it is by speech. She is not that fluent, the words come out harder from her mouth. I know her, and I know if she drank just by listening to her speech. Obviously she denies like any addict. This thing kills me because I know it kills her. How do I deal with it? I told her repeatedly that I hate it. I was thinking to stop talking to her. Basically I was thinking that if one night I call and she is drunk then don't call for a week. Hopefully she can link her drinking to me not calling which she freaks out if I don't call. It might not work but at least I keep my sanity because after I see her like that my whole day is ruined.
posted by barexamfreak on Jun 13, 2014 - 10 answers

He ain't heavy...

How do I deal with an immediate family member with substance abuse problems at my upcoming wedding? When do I put my foot down? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 21, 2014 - 38 answers

Help me, help myself?

How to approach therapy when I'm not really sure what I'm going for but feel depression has a huge part of it. Kicker - the standard tests show I'm not and I don't know how far to push to get some help or what I even need help for. [more inside]
posted by lpcxa0 on Jan 29, 2014 - 9 answers

How to help teen with alcoholic parent

A family friend who is divorced has been an alcoholic for more then several years. She has primary custody of a teenage daughter. We have kept in touch with the alcoholic mom but sporadically due to her behavior. Recently I found out the the daughter was cutting and acting out, I believe due to the stress of living with her mom. Because of this I started texting the daughter just to check in and give her some positive messages (mostly like “hope you have a good day” and “I’m so impressed how you did on that test”). I did ask her if she’d like to go to an alateen meeting which she agreed to but only if I went with her. However we haven’t set a date. [more inside]
posted by lasamana on Jan 21, 2014 - 14 answers

AA for atheist

Atheist and alcoholic I need to seek support from AA. Please interpret aspects of the higher power stuff in a way that is not cognitively dissonancing for someone who has no belief in a deity. I know there are other options for "rational" alcoholics but my circumstances and location make AA the best option. Feel free to include scripts and behaviours for me to respectfully avoid participating in group prayer (and hand holding - im really uncomfortable with touching strangers) without drawing excessive notice to myself. I am in Australia which is not overtly religious but the two AA meetings I have been to previously (and will be attending) included a prayer, and people who explicitly said they were not religious but recommended the higher power as crucial in their sobriety.
posted by anonymous on Nov 11, 2013 - 31 answers

How to deal with jealousy and loathing; Sibling edition.

Can you give me some tips how to deal with an increasingly antagonistic brother? I'm a pretty soft-hearted slow-minded wuss who can't keep up with his clever snarky retorts or find a diplomatic way to rise above them and still resolve the issues which we are unfortunately linked together to. How, in preparation for a future when I will have to face up to him, can I learn to be stronger and ignore or deal with his attitude? Long winded whine inside. [more inside]
posted by Brecha on Sep 27, 2013 - 22 answers

Creamy deliciousness FAIL

I refrigerated a bottle of Carolan's Irish Cream and it solidified. [more inside]
posted by Allee Katze on May 12, 2013 - 6 answers

1 night per month binge drinker

I know I have a problem drinking. I am a binge drinker that drinks once a month just before my period. Alcoholic Anonymous is the only answer I am getting. It has been helpful in the past, as I had 7 months of sobriety. As a binge drinker one or two nights a month, what do you think I should do, as I have found AA not the exact solution to my problems right now? Let me explain when, how, and why I drink. Please help! [more inside]
posted by Jewel98 on Apr 27, 2013 - 19 answers

My oldest friend is an alcoholic.

She's important to me. She used to be so smart and so much fun to be around. I feel like I can't just walk away, and in any event, I don't want to. Help me figure out what to do. Avalanche of details to follow. [more inside]
posted by sevensnowflakes on Jan 22, 2013 - 22 answers

Why do my shoulders cramp when I drink sugary alcohol?

YANAD/YANMD: Why do my shoulders get crampy when I drink sugary, alcoholic drinks? [more inside]
posted by fruitopia on Dec 23, 2012 - 17 answers

What can I do to help my aging alcoholic father?

Is there anything I can do to help my alcoholic father? He is retired, getting older, and the issue is getting progressively worse. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 29, 2012 - 14 answers

How to manage the relationship with Mom

How do you enforce boundaries with a needy parent? [more inside]
posted by thrasher on Oct 18, 2012 - 19 answers

How to cope with losing my fiance to alcohol, two weeks before our wedding?

My fiance went on a massive alcohol binge this week, two weeks before our wedding, and has left me. Any suggestions for coping with the devastation and loss I am feeling? Portland, OR-specific suggestions are especially welcome. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 13, 2012 - 22 answers

Are ACOA meetings worthwhile?

I'm thinking of attending an Adult Children of Alcoholics meeting, but I don't really know if it's worthwhile. I'd love opinions from those with experience. [more inside]
posted by windykites on Oct 7, 2012 - 11 answers

Cleaning up my alcoholic sister's poo...

Found my sister yesterday in a poo covered apartment. I had her sent to the hospital (which she was released from 2 weeks ago). She was drinking again but now her apt, carpet, floors, mattress and sofa is covered with poo. I just opened the windows and locked the door when they carted her out. It needs to be cleaned up but should SHE do it or hire someone to do it or should I get it cleaned up and/or present her with the bill? Will a regular cleaning service do this or do I need some sort of specialized service? I've talked to some people and arguments for having me clean it up is: someone out of the hospital really doesn't have the strength to deal with this. arguments against is: she needs to see/be responsible for her life and the results. I don't know what to do. Any thoughts?
posted by CodeMonkey on Aug 15, 2012 - 45 answers

The War of the Roses without Danny DeVito

We're getting a divorce. We live in a rent controlled San Francisco apartment. We both refuse to leave and it's hell. Hivemind, please help me. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 30, 2012 - 34 answers

How do I stop acting like an ACOA?

I'm an adult child of alcoholics, and I've just recently come to realize I actually do exhibit many of the classic behaviors of one. Now that I have that figured out, how do I retrain myself to NOT do those things? [more inside]
posted by thrasher on Mar 2, 2012 - 43 answers

Secular alcoholic recovery support groups in St Louis?

Secular alcoholic recovery support groups in St Louis? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 30, 2011 - 4 answers

Am I an alcoholic?

I have 2-5 drinks per day. Am I an alcoholic? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 28, 2011 - 43 answers

How do I find a job after my last termination?

I know you're not my lawyer or a lawyer at all.. but I need some help. Recently lost my job due to an alcohol-related relapse that happened off work hours. How do I move on from this? [more inside]
posted by somersault on Jul 18, 2011 - 34 answers

Please help me deal with my friend/coworker who is an alcoholic.

How can I deal with an alcoholic coworker/friend? [more inside]
posted by bookmammal on Jun 15, 2011 - 8 answers

Is there anything in the Bible that can help one justify the estrangement of an abusive parent?

Is there anything in the Bible that can help one justify the estrangement of an abusive parent? I know that not speaking to my mother is the right thing to do, but what does the good book say? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 2, 2011 - 22 answers

Which alcoholic drinks would you recommend for someone who has GERDs?

Which alcoholic drinks would you recommend to someone who has GERDs? I would like to have a few drinks to get a little buzz going this weekend with friends without damaging my stomach. Also, what food and/or OTC would be good to take before and after drinking?
posted by anonymous on Sep 23, 2010 - 11 answers

Unwanted Attention From An Unwell Friend

Snowflake Filter: How to deal with unwanted attention from an unwell friend? [more inside]
posted by gumtree on Sep 16, 2010 - 20 answers

Teen with toxic mama

Handling a teen-relative-with-alcoholic-mom... [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 10, 2010 - 17 answers

Please enable me further

Toxic relatives and forgiveness games ... how do I handle this? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 11, 2010 - 19 answers

Is my mom an alcoholic? What do I do?

I'm planning on moving in with my parents at the end of August, but I think my mom might be an alcoholic. I don't know what to do. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 27, 2010 - 30 answers

Help me help myself and my alcoholic girlfriend.

Help me help myself and my alcoholic girlfriend. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 25, 2010 - 11 answers

I think my sister is delusional

DTMFA-filter - but she's my sister. Advice and/or anecdata needed, please. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 16, 2010 - 22 answers

How to deal with a bipolar alcoholic sister

My mother and step-father are going to Europe for a month, leaving my bi-polar alcoholic 25 year old sister alone in their house. As I am the only family member without a job that will be in town when they are gone, my mother has told me that I am responsible for keeping an eye on her. The problem is that I am a stay-at-home mom to a 2 year old daughter, that at the moment my husband does not want anywhere near my sister. What to do? [more inside]
posted by Lapin on Apr 12, 2010 - 41 answers

Advice on supervising my friend's withdrawal from alcohol?

Tomorrow I will be 'supervising' my best friend and roommate as he goes through what will be the first full day of detoxing from his alcohol addiction. General pointers would be appreciated. [more inside]
posted by tumbleweedjack on Mar 17, 2010 - 18 answers

How to deal with abusive friend

I have an alcoholic friend whose behavior is getting increasingly disturbing and abusive. He sent me a frightening e-mail today and I'm scared and not sure what to do. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 4, 2010 - 32 answers

I made the right decision but I feel awful.

I've read all the AskMeFi posts tagged with alcoholism, with a careful eye towards the "what should I do, my boyfriend is an alcoholic" ones, but that wasn't my problem. I knew I had to break up with my very-high-functioning drunk of a boyfriend, and I did. I just need advice on dealing with the fall out. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 11, 2010 - 26 answers

Finally admitted to myself that I'm an alcoholic. Recovery strategies without AA?

I've finally accepted that I'm an alcoholic, and I need some advice. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 5, 2010 - 33 answers

It's the least wonderful time of the year

How to handle an abusive, alcoholic family for Christmas - now and in years to come? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 14, 2009 - 40 answers

She's falling off the wagon. What now?

I fear my sister is falling off the wagon in her ongoing struggle with alcoholism. Is there anything I can do to stop this slide? Challenge: 500 miles away. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 2, 2009 - 20 answers

drunk dating?

I am a recently recovering alcoholic. I am casually dating someone who does not know I am a recovering alcoholic. Should I tell him? How should I tell him? Should I end things all together? [more inside]
posted by somersault on Aug 24, 2009 - 23 answers

How does a working drunk get sober?

Looking for info regarding employer disability laws relating to alcohol rehab in state of Conneticut. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 6, 2009 - 4 answers

I'm Lisa Simpson, and I'm dating Barney Gumble's best friend.

My boyfriend's best friend from childhood is an exact clone of Barney Gumble (from the Simpsons) in regards to drinking, but fortunately lives out of state. My boyfriend stopped drinking heavily last year, and says he's happier for it. Now "Barney" is coming to spend a week with us, and plans to move to our town/neighborhood in the fall. How do I deal with this situation, and my anxieties that my lovely boyfriend will revert to his old ways? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 30, 2009 - 46 answers

Days of Wine and Roses Redux?

I think my sister and her boyfriend have a drinking problem. How can we help? [more inside]
posted by n'muakolo on Dec 28, 2008 - 25 answers

Non-alcoholic guest gift ideas?

Non-alcoholic travel-friendly Thanksgiving gift ideas? [more inside]
posted by Riki tiki on Nov 21, 2008 - 8 answers

Help me help my friend.

A friend of mine is headed for self-destruction. How do I help him? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 3, 2008 - 10 answers

Drinking Boss, help?

My employer showed up half cut yesterday morning and proceeded to botch up 2 phone calls with clients. This isn't the first time and he doesn't hide his drinking and has been sober and "tried" AA. His performance and attendance are compromised when he drinks, one client called back and asked if he had been drinking. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 25, 2008 - 19 answers

let's warm it up this winter!

'tis the season for hot alcoholic drinks. throw your recipes at me! [more inside]
posted by thinkingwoman on Nov 29, 2007 - 33 answers

What should I do about my rehab-avoiding father?

My father just left rehab for the 2nd time. What is an appropriate response that will get him to realize that he needs to deal with his alcoholism? [more inside]
posted by otherwordlyglow on Feb 26, 2007 - 15 answers

How do I talk to my alcoholic sister?

How do I talk to my alcoholic sister about her problem? [more inside]
posted by LambChop on Nov 25, 2006 - 13 answers

Why?

I'm an alcoholic. I've been shitfaced every day for the last 9 months. I consider the booze a nepenthe; it's something that allows me to forget all the sins I've comitted in my short life on this planet. [more inside]
posted by kfx on Oct 13, 2006 - 86 answers

future designated driver

Is there such a thing as non-alcoholic brandy or whiskey? (or other types of 'hard liquor')? How do they taste? They taste okay?
posted by jak68 on Aug 30, 2006 - 14 answers

how can i tell if i'm an alcoholic?

how can i tell if i'm an alcoholic? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 12, 2006 - 23 answers

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