Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with alcohol

Abdominal discomfort, alcohol use and trouble sleeping

Anonymous — Tue, 21 May 2013 07:55:20 -0800

I'm having some abdominal discomfort that might be related to my alcohol use. But I don't know what to do about it, for reasons related to sleep issues. Long story within. For 15+ years I've been a daily drinker - 2-3 drinks in the evening while watching TV. Never enough to get drunk (I hate getting drunk, but love the daily ritual of drinks in the evening). About a year or so ago, I started getting an occasional pain in the middle right side of my stomach, right at the top of the belly. Not a sharp pain, but just like a thing is there.

In the past few months, that feeling is always there, and it feels like it's getting worse. I went to the hospital and had scans done, and they said I have a few small gall stones. So I guess I'm going to get my gall bladder out.

But I'm increasingly worried, because the liver is in that same spot. And I'm wondering if what I'm feeling might not be my liver instead of my gall bladder. I've read up on the symptoms of liver pain and liver disease and whatnot, and I don't have any of them - discolored skin/eyes, bloody stool, itchy skin, nausea, lack of appetite, I don't have any of that. Just this mild discomfort in my gut.

I went in to get a colonoscopy done, and as part of that, had to go without alcohol for a few days. Which was not a problem. Despite my long history as a daily drinker, it was no problem for me to not drink. So that's good. But here's where I'm getting to the real thing: On any night when I don't have a few drinks, I consistently have night-long, horrible horrible nightmares, and that's after hours of struggle to fall asleep. Every single time. I've abstained nights here and there in the past, went a week without drinking not too long ago, and it's always the same. If I don't have my "night-caps," I have nightmares.

And they're awful. So awful that I'm actually afraid to give up drinking, which I want to do, just to see if this pain will go away on its own (which I suspect it will).

So I guess there are a couple of questions here, the smaller one is: Is it possible that this discomfort in my gut is something other than alcohol-related? Any diet tricks or fasts or whatever that I might try to find out?

And the larger question: If I go the route of eliminating alcohol in the evenings, what are some things I might do to help myself fall asleep and not have the terrible dreams? Sleepytime tea and melatonin aren't doing the trick.

(Complicating factor: I live in a noisy house with a lot of kids, so falling asleep is difficult in the first place.)

How does the amount of ice in a shaker affect a martini?

El Sabor Asiatico — Mon, 20 May 2013 18:11:41 -0800

Does more ice in the shaker make the drink colder faster? Is there more or less dilution per second of shaking? in short, is there any reason I would want to have a particular level of ice in a shaker when making martinis?

Do short people get drunk more quickly?

dontjumplarry — Mon, 06 May 2013 04:12:27 -0800

All other things being equal, does a short person's blood alcohol level reach 0.05 faster than a tall person (because they have less blood and/or a smaller liver)?

It hurts when I do this... so stop doing it?

cilantro — Fri, 03 May 2013 06:28:47 -0800

I have, over the last year, developed an unusual reaction to alcohol. My GP basically brushed it off and said “oh well, guess you don’t get to drink any more” – but… I’m still slightly worried that it’s a symptom of something more serious, and if I’m honest, I’m not ready to stop drinking completely – I love beer festivals and learning about wine and cocktails, and going to pubs or having meals with alcohol is pretty much the whole of my social life. I only go out once or twice every couple of weeks, but when I do, I like to have a drink- so I’d like to know if there’s anything I can do about this! For a while, it didn’t happen every time I drank and I was willing to risk it, but now I realise it’s happened every time I’ve had a few drinks for about six months, and I either have to find a solution or just give it up (not what I want to do!)

Basically, if I have more than one drink, I get a horrific headache between 20 and 24 hours later – usually around dinner time the next day. The symptoms (if not the actual level of pain) match what I’ve read about cluster headaches – pain in one side of the head (always the left behind the eye), droopy/twitchy left eye, worse pain lying down and sometimes my face gets red and hot. Over-the-counter medications (paracetamol or NSAIDs, with or without codeine) don’t even begin to touch it. The headaches are usually at their worst about four hours after they start to kick in, with really intense pain lasting for anything from 2 to 4 hours after that, and then with milder pain continuing for anywhere from 24 to 36 more hours after that.

The length and severity of the headaches don’t seem directly related to how much I drink – sometimes three pints of session (low ABV) ale will have me out of commission for nearly two days, while a big celebration with lots of different drinks until all hours of the morning might be much milder. I always ensure I’m super-hydrated, am almost always well-fed before I drink and during. I’ve tried prophylactic painkillers – taken about an hour before I expect the headache to start – with no success.

I think I know the answer here is probably that I just need to stop drinking, but I thought it couldn’t hurt to ask, and to see if anyone else has any experience or ideas that might help.

1 night per month binge drinker

Jewel98 — Sat, 27 Apr 2013 18:59:51 -0800

I know I have a problem drinking. I am a binge drinker that drinks once a month just before my period. Alcoholic Anonymous is the only answer I am getting. It has been helpful in the past, as I had 7 months of sobriety. As a binge drinker one or two nights a month, what do you think I should do, as I have found AA not the exact solution to my problems right now? Let me explain when, how, and why I drink. Please help! I drink when I am emotionally upset (typically sad or anxious) or in physical pain. I can usually tolerate the pain for a long time, like a month or two. Then I just get totally overwhelmed by life, and work, and people, plus the myriad of health problems I have. It all seems to much so I turn to a bottle of wine, or vodka or both, that night. I drink all night until the wee hours of the morning and text people I should not text, get on the computer in blackout and again talk to people I should not. I don't realize what I have said or done until the next morning when I look. The next day I feel obviously terrible. Then I can go another month or month and a half. I know this is tied into my menses because it happens around the same time of month, seemingly every month. I am careful during that time of the month when I am most likely to drink. It is all emotion based decision making and not logical or rational at all. I always think "oh I will just have a couple of drinks and it will not get out of hand." Then it does and I miss days of work. Now, this is not happening everyday of the week, and I really want to stop it. I do consider myself an alcoholic. I do know that much and fully admit to it. I have other mental health issues, as I said about anxiety and depression. I am on a Birth Control Pill to try and regulate my periods, but the pill does not regulate mood. I have tried not taking the placebo week pills to keep my hormone levels even-keeled, but it messes with my chronic stomach condition which has been diagnosed as chronic constipation. I don't know what to do, I feel like most people in AA were daily drinkers. I have never heard a story like mine told, but at the same time, I know I have a big, big problem because it is screwing with my life, causing me to lie, and I hate how I feel and that I cannot do anything the day after I drink. Please provide help.

Help Me Grok Al-Anon

Anonymous — Wed, 17 Apr 2013 14:26:34 -0800

My husband drinks too much, and I just attended my first Al-Anon meeting. I have some questions about it. By way of background, we dated for five years before we got married and lived together for two, and are in our 30's. We were married last fall. I knew he drank a lot and seemed to enjoy drinking his drink of choice (a particular hard liquor), but it was not until he started working from home this past year that I noticed just. how. much. he. drinks. I have no idea how I didn't ever notice before.

Anyway, I have a lot of feelings, and finally allowed myself to go to an Al-Anon meeting for the first time last night. It was actually a really pleasant meeting and I felt at home right away with people who "got it." The reading couldn't have been better chosen; it was something about a wife who felt like the credit line to her alcoholic husband's debit line. Plucked the words right out of my head. But as the meeting progressed, my head spun with questions about the whole concept of Al-Anon that I didn't feel were quite right to ask right there in the flow of a meeting. I know everyone is different and every meeting is different, but I figured it couldn't hurt to ask here and get more perceptive, since it helps to ease my general anxiety.

I've read this question and feel like I relate to it a lot, even though we don't have kids. Especially the unfairness, and the financial aspect. I did not have any formative life experiences with alcoholism, this is all new territory for me.

- How do I keep my attendance secret from my husband? I am lucky to have a hobby that gets me out of the house, and adding a meeting once a week or so is an easy pass, but what about the more probing questions? The literature?

- Does rolling with my husband's alcoholism (detachment) have to mean not helping him recognize his own alcoholism and seeking treatment for it? Because I'd much rather he get help, obviously.

- How do I go about cultivating forgiveness for things that are so literally existential, like forgiving him for knowingly shortening our time together on this earth?

You can also feel free to email me at mefialanon@gmail.com. Thanks.

Not by the hair of my ginny gin gin

Hollywood Upstairs Medical College — Thu, 11 Apr 2013 19:29:34 -0800

My favorite drink is a Tanqueray and tonic and has been since I was young. In the US, especially as a teenager, people told me that it was a cranky old man drink while marveling at how it glowed under blacklight. I traveled to London once, and a guy there told me that it was a "chick drink". I, of course, don't let what people think of it affect what tasty, tasty alcohol delivery vehicle I choose, but where you are, what's the "reputation" of gin-based drinks? Are they "manly" or "girly"? And how did it gain that reputation? I'm holding a gimlet right now because I've run out of tonic water.

If I make wine ice cubes will they still be alcoholic?

Sully — Wed, 10 Apr 2013 22:37:06 -0800

I was thinking about making wine ice cubes to keep my wine cold while drinking it without diluting it. My question is, will all the alcohol evaporate? Will it still be potent? If anyone knows for sure, please let me know. Thanks!

Help me avoid drunk crying.

picapica — Tue, 09 Apr 2013 10:58:51 -0800

I used to be a happy drunk, and now I have become a person who cries for no reason when I drink. Why did this change, and can I change it back? I'm a woman, late 20's, no history of depression or alcoholism. I'm a generally confident, outgoing, friendly person. I am happily married, love my job, and I am happy. In the last couple of years, I have started having crying fits after a night of drinking.

I'd like to understand this phenomenon better. What changed? Am I metabolizing alcohol differently? Could my suspicion that a certain kind of alcohol triggers this be correct? What else is there to know about drunk crying? A google search turned up a lot of totally useless yahoo answers, but I'd like some real information about this. Scientific information would be great, but anecdotes about your own experiences would be helpful, too.

Not love but delicious drinks (without caffeine or alcohol)

thetortoise — Wed, 13 Mar 2013 11:40:00 -0800

Help me find tasty beverages that don't have caffeine, alcohol, or loads of corn syrup. When I go to a coffee shop, my heart sinks a little at the endless array of... coffee. Just variations on coffee. When I go to a restaurant, I flip through the giant beverage menu to discover only Coca-Cola products listed under the "non-alcoholic" section. I want more! I know it's out there!

What I don't want:
- alcohol
- coffee/espresso
- decaffeinated coffee/espresso
- black or green tea
- stevia, aspartame, etc.
- commercial sodas
- grape, apple, or pear juice, and blends thereof
- anything where the dominant flavor can be described as "high fructose corn syrup"

What I do want:
drinks like:
- chanh muoi
- bandung
- red bean ice
- aguas frescas
- milk, soymilk, almond milk, etc.
- anything naturally sweet or unsweet
- savory, salty, or spicy drinks

I realize this is a broad question, and that's fine. I'm casting a wide net; I'd just like to think more creatively. This AskMe covers tisanes and teas well, and this one covers bar drinks, and this one covers infused water, so suggestions outside these areas are especially welcome. (Also, first question, so please be kind if I've screwed something up.)

Under-the-sink booze is my favorite kind of booze

atomicstone — Tue, 05 Mar 2013 17:41:23 -0800

Several months ago, the Washington Post had this article about homemade slivovitz. As fans of the stuff, my friends and I made a batch and recently drank it. It didn't taste much like the commercial slivovitz we drink, but did still taste awesome.
And now we need more recipes and/or sources for these super simple sort of liqueurs.
The recipes need not be super simple, but the "brewing" step needs to be no more complicated than "put in closet, turn upside down every x days".
And also, it should be hard to kill ourselves.
Recipe ideas?
Technical advice?
Websites we should be reading?

What's your best simple syrup recipe with artificial sweetners?

bswinburn — Tue, 05 Mar 2013 15:08:01 -0800

I'm on a low carbohydrate diet and I love cocktails, so I'm trying to figure out the best was to make a simple syrup replacement that tastes decent and has an ok mouth feel. Have you got a go to recipe that doesn't crystallize or have some funky aftertaste? I'm more than willing to mix up a custom sweetner mix. I've been reading about stevia, xylitol, and many others for the last few days, but most of the information seems to be focused at people who want to use them in baking or in food. I really want a good mixer. Can the imbibers of metafilter help me out?

How to help a partner in crisis?

Anonymous — Sun, 24 Feb 2013 07:28:51 -0800

About 6 months ago my partner told me he had stopped taking his Prozac. He was on a low 'maintenance dose' and had been feeling better. Now things have gone belly up and going back on the meds hasn't helped. He's drinking heavily and can barely function. How can I find him the help he needs and also help him myself with little money and no support network whilst looking after our young daughter? He had suffered from periods of extreme stress and anxiety previously both whilst off and on the medications, these periods usually lasted for a few weeks and ended with him quitting his job (which was part of the reason for the stress along with generalised feelings of anxiety and impostor syndrome). Once he had a few weeks to calm down he would find another job and go back to normal. He was working as an IT contractor so he could afford to do this especially whilst the economy was riding high.

A few months after stopping the pills he had to leave the country for a month to visit his sick father, and when he came back he felt the return of the anxiety and depression, all not helped by me having a miscarriage whilst he was away and the death of a close friend of ours a few months before. He went back on the pills but usually when he goes through this he has a period of a few weeks where he feels chronically depressed and shaky, anxious and drinks heavily before the pills kick in and he comes right again. This shakiness and anxiety seems to be a side effect of the pills but it's hard to separate the effects of the pills from the drinking and his mental state generally. This time things are worse. He is now 3 months into this and can barely function. The GP (we are in the UK) has prescribed Diazepam to help temporarily but this seems to have little effect, and I am worried that addiction may set in soon. He has been sent on a CBT course which he has completed and has a referral to the NHS mental health provider, but he has a long wait for actual therapy. Our finances are dire and we literally do not have the money to pay privately at the moment. I feel he needs to see a Psychiatrist to discuss changing his meds as it seems that the Prozac isn't working anymore but the GP refuses to refer him until he stops drinking. His drinking seems to be level at about 1 bottle of wine per night, plus a few beers over the weekends on top. He stopped drinking for a week cold turkey but this had no effect on his mood; I am not sure if it this is because it wasn't long enough or because the drinking is not the reason for the meds not working. Of course, drinking helps him function, but obviously he can't keep on like this, and he knows it. we both see that alcohol and his addictive personality is a major problem. He spends his time sitting in bed telling me he cannot cope and that he feels scared and destroyed whilst I feel shattered and try to cope with our child on our own.
I don't think he is suicidal but I am so worried about this spiral. I barely have the energy to look after our daughter and myself and am exhausted by this. We have no support network and no family to help. His primary concerns seem to be centred around our finances, his feelings of inadequacy, his lack of belief in his work ability, as well the usual existential stuff. He is able to function at work but barely and I am concerned that he is going to break down completely and then lose his job, and then we will be truly stuffed. I realise this isn't really a question as much as a long story of woe, but does anyone have any ideas how I can help him, what sort of professional help he needs and what I should be expecting from him, from his GP and from myself. How do other people cope with this without going crazy themselves?

I think i need to talk to my boyfriend about his drinking - help me

moreteaplease — Sat, 23 Feb 2013 12:57:45 -0800

I am at home visiting family this weekend, I’ll be back at the rented house I share with my boyfriend of 6 years in less than 24 hours. In a phonecall today I heard pretty much the last thing/piece of evidence I need to make me realise that I need him to properly address his problems with alcohol. Or maybe I need him to address my problems with his alcohol behaviour. Please read the extended story inside and tell me how to frame this in my mind and how to talk to him. I love him, we live together, we have a lot of shared history, we laugh a lot, he can be very kind.

I hate his drinking and do not feel ‘in love’ with him when he is drunk or hungover.

This would typically be at least once a month, it would be more if I didn’t insist on doing some stuff away from alcohol/big drinking crowds (though I don’t frame it that way as I tend to avoid the row or putting the thought of me limiting his alcohol intake in his mind) e.g. going to the cinema or staying in together with a takeaway just eh two of us. After about 3 beers/half a bottle of wine (spirits not so bad but not his drink of choice) he becomes very unattractive to me.

When boyfriend and I met we had just graduated from uni and were working abroad in an expat community of recent (western) uni graduates. It was work hard play hard. 6 years down the road I drink but not really to excess, I can have a bottle of wine open in the fridge for a week or more, I can switch to soft drinks when out and ignore requests from anyone else that I should have just one more or get a large measure etc. I have reaches the stage where I think a hangover just isn’t really worth it. And if I have a lot to drink I still get up out of bed and I function. My boyfriend, no.

Here are some things that worry/irritate/upset me:

When he is ‘out’ drinking he cannot limit his drinks. He downs his drinks, will drink outside of ‘rounds/shouts’ so he drinks more than friends. When I am there I am always the one who stops drinking first or has to suggest leaving. He would drink til dawn if people were there and he didn’t have work, and will stay up drinking by himself in the home. I have lost count of the times I have said to him that he always the most pissed person in the room. We regularly row when he is drunk or the day after.

He is a waste of space when hungover. He sleeps all day. He gets up and mopes around the house generally feeling sorry for himself. He sometimes complains that his sides hurts and asks whether I think that’s his liver. He will do nothing for himself save maybe open some chocolate or crisps. If ever we had been out together and I felt rough too (rare) he would never even dream of making me a cup of tea, or breakfast or brining me a painkiller. I pretty much used to do always do this for him but now frankly, I can’t be arsed. I’ll get him a painkiller more because I hate the whinging and I just think he should take on – if you feel ill you do, you don’t just sit and groan.

He is on serous medication (olanzapine – antipsychotic) but still drinks. His psychiatrist upped the dose recently because BF said that he (sometimes? I don’t know he wouldn’t really clarify) drinks to block things out or to make himself better. He is still drinking.
He got punched in the face last year when he was drunk. Apparently he took some guy to task over an antisocial behaviour and the guy hit him in the jaw. Over time having spoken to his friend who was with him and more details forthcoming from BF, actually he was out of control drunk and he was aggressive himself first he didn’t just tell the guy off.

He has bought/smoked weed twice when massively drunk. He originally gave this up 10 years ago due to paranoid schizophrenia. Him doing it again in the summer resulted (or seemingly resulted as it was 2 days later) in him having a breakdown, getting prescribed tablets again and him being signed off work for a considerable period.

On my birthday (a Sunday) he slept until 3pm. I was up around 11am. We had friends over the night before for dinner and played cards. He drank an excessive amount, didn’t clear up before bed, didn’t get up with me in the morning. I did all the clearing up, made myself breakfast etc, talked to my family and basically waited for him to get up whilst I sat by myself on the sofa. I have explained a few times that this made me feel lonely (what’s the point in living with someone if they don’t spend time with you), underappreciated, not at all important, and really stupid/embarrassed when I spoke on the phone to my family and they asked what he’d got me (he wasn’t up yet so I hadn’t had a card to open) or what we had planned for the day (nothing) and that actually he wasn’t up yet and I’d spent my birthday so far cleaning.

On NYE we were vile to each other. We were at a small gathering with other couples and they are a fairly hard drinking crowd (or at least a couple of them are). I drank too and yeah, various things got at me and I sniped at him a few times and he was the same back, then I think he got worse. I stopped drinking probably a good 2 hours before we left (and kept saying I wanted to leave) whilst he continued to hammer it. We eventually left about 5am and walked home without talking at all. Once again I was up hours before him. He cannot remember that we were horrible to each other or that we walked home in silence. Or so he says.

I have seen him on numerous occasions overstep the mark with personal comments to family members. He has hung out with people he doesn’t even really like as a means to drinking. He seems to care more about filling other people’s glasses than whether I have switched to water and am saying that I’d like to leave.

I called him today from my mums as an engineer was due to visit the house to sort out our internet. Their call time was between 12 noon and 4 pm. I called him twice on his mobile and twice on the landline and let them ring for ages. Nothing. I finally got a call from him at around 3pm. He sounded horrific. He’d been out with friends and had just woken up. I said well, what about the engineer and he said he’d got missed calls from them and that a card had been pushed through the door with a time stamp of around 15 mins earlier saying they’d been to the door but got no answer. To say I was fuming was an understatement. I told him I couldn’t speak to him as I was annoyed and hung up.

Then I burst into tears. It was the final straw. Ignore me, fine (though not really) but can’t get out of bed by midday to wait for the internet engineer? He’s a bloody web developer – he needs the internet if he wants to do anything at home. Doesn’t pay attention to a psychiatrist who’s upped his medication dosage based on what he’s said about his drinking behaviour? Irresponsible and in denial.

I’ve talked, I’ve shouted, I’ve screamed, I’ve cried. I’ve done it in the moment of him being drunk, I’ve done it the next day when he’s hungover, and I’ve done it away from them in neutral times/spaces. Nothing works. Yeah I sometimes get ‘sorry’ but not all the time and it doesn’t have really any lasting impact.

I’d say that actually his drinking has been a problem (for me) on and off for the last 3 years.

Too Long Didn’t Read: I want to say when I get back to the house tomorrow that whether he acknowledges he has a problem with alcohol or not, I have a problem with his use of it. And that if he doesn’t seek counselling either by me or him setting up an appointment with a counsellor this week, then we need to start thinking about what this means in terms of dealbreakers for our relationship. He says he loves me so im hoping this works - for me it is i think the last time i can have the discussion about his drinking if he's not prepared to address it properly. If he doesnt then i guess i have my answer.

FWIW – he has said stuff about his drinking in the last couple of weeks and I’ve batted it back at him that doesn’t he see that as a problem or something he thinks he should work on (e.g. I have to drink to feel real or have to a good time). So far no he doesn’t.

Please tell me what to say and also how to proceed - should I ask to attend his counselling if he does say he will go or trust that he will be actually open up to his problematic behaviour rather than just do this as something to keep me quiet?

Could this dizziness and vertigo be alcohol-related?

komara — Thu, 14 Feb 2013 08:10:09 -0800

Asking for a friend who is suffering from bouts of vertigo. She's wondering if it could be alcohol-related, if maybe you've experienced anything like this, or if you have any advice. As usual, YANAD, YANHD, etc.

She's a moderate to heavy drinker, usually 2-3 drinks an evening. One day she woke up feeling vertiginous, worse when lying down but still occasionally dizzy when standing, bending over, or turning. After one full day of symptoms she decided to take a sabbatical from drinking (something she had been considering doing anyway). Symptoms persisted for several days, then tapered down during the next week or two, and basically came to an end after three weeks. She experienced a week of vertigo-free living minus one day with a very mild case early in the morning.

She visited a GP who of course recommended an ENT. The ENT described her symptoms as benign positional vertigo, couldn't nail it down much more other than to say, "Come back on one of the days you're having a strong attack and we might be able to do more tests."

After her non-dizzy week she had two consecutive nights of drinking and on the third day woke up with strong symptoms again. Of course this happened during the final weekend of Carnival when no doctors' offices are open so she couldn't visit the ENT as they requested. She has not had anything to drink since those two nights. Symptoms persist but are lessening, maybe dissipating a bit faster than during the original attack.

She says she has noticed ringing in her ears but can't confirm that it's any more frequent than the normal ringing one gets in ones ears - she thinks she's just looking for it now and notices it more. No signs of pressure or hearing loss or any of the other classic indicators of Meniere's Disease.

My anxiety about my anxiety about your drinking

Anonymous — Wed, 13 Feb 2013 11:08:16 -0800

So. Either my boyfriend's drinking or my anxiety about his drinking is going to ruin our (extremely awesome, otherwise very solid) relationship. I can't tell if I'm being crazy or not. My boyfriend has been a moderate- to heavy-drinker for much of his adult life. This tendency has been amplified since he moved to our current location, which has a bit of a hard-drinkin' reputation. When he's single, he drinks a lot because he's sad; he's also been in less-than-healthy reputations that involved lots of drinking. (This is all based on what he's told me.)

I expressed reservations about his drinking early on. He was drinking alone, drinking to drunkenness almost always (in that he rarely has just two beers), and drinking most days of the week. That said, he never turned mean or nasty when drunk -- he remained the same thoughtful, gentle, supportive guy; just got a little slurrier, and a little more bleary-eyed.

Personally, though I had some wild times when I was younger, I don't tend to drink all that much these days; maybe a glass or two of wine at dinner. I like to go out with my friends & have a night on the town every now and then, but I don't have any close friends in this town, and the idea of drinking with acquaintances isn't appealing enough to battle with hangovers, so my consumption is WAY down since I've moved here.

Oh, and he has a health condition that means he probably shouldn't be drinking. People with this health condition do drink all the time, though, so I'm not sure how big a deal it is -- but the last time he saw his doctor, he [doctor] said that Boyfriend should stop drinking tomorrow if possible. Boyfriend said he'd cut down.

Since we've been dating (1 year!), Boyfriend and I have had a couple conversations about his drinking. He'll say he doesn't like doing it, doesn't like how it makes him feel, etc. He'll promise to cut down -- and will for a while! -- and then it'll start creeping back up. Even then, though, it's significantly less than when I first met him.

After he behaved moderately atrociously back in January (he was depressed & was drinking kind of a lot then), he apologized profusely and proactively suggested he quit drinking for a month. I supported this decision. Throughout the month, he would make vague comments about the future -- he'd tell people he "quit drinking," would say that he thought he'd probably drink on his one-month anniversary, then re-up for another month. I tried really, really hard to be non-judgmentally supportive; I know he's felt judged by me for his drinking before, and I try to tamp down on this tendency in myself, but can't always help myself. (I don't say anything snippy, but he can tell that I am, say, mentally keeping track of how many beers he drinks in the course of a night or something.) The non-drinking month was AMAZING -- we got along so well, and I felt incredibly close to him. Bu

Then the month was up, and he told me he had plans for 3 days of drinking and then he'd evaluate what he'd do for the next month. He got drunk alone on one night, and had plans to drink with me the next night. It was a moderate disaster; I thought we were going to split a bottle of wine, but he wanted to drink that bottle of wine + another half-full bottle of wine I had + some whiskey. He didn't get wasted, but he was drunker than me. I was sad that we couldn't have a night of moderate drinking; he said he thought that I knew that he liked to get drunk when he drank, and he thought I was being controlling/manipulative for seeming disappointed that he wanted to drink more; after all, he'd spent the whole month not drinking at all!

On day 3, he had plans to drink with friends, but they fizzled; he drank a couple beers at home, and then we went out to a bar and he drank only mineral water. Today, he drank the beer that he'd bought to have with his friends. He now says that he has no plans not to drink this month, but he plans on "significantly cutting down" and only drinking on special occasions.

We had a fight about this. I am anxious because in the past I feel like he's cut down, then the drinking has slowly crept up. To be fair: I get totally anxious and monitor-y (mentally counting the beer bottles in the trash, trying to judge from his voice on the phone if he's been drinking), which I hate in myself. I asked him if he could set some guidelines for the month, just to help me feel less anxious -- say, not drinking for 3 weeks and then drinking for 1, or drinking only on the weekends, or drinking M/W/F only, or whatever. He got frustrated & said that he felt like I was trying to control him. Which, I suppose I am. He thinks he's made the point that he's serious about working on his drinking by quitting for a month and committing to cutting down significantly this month. I feel like unless I know what "cutting down significantly" means, I'll be anxiously looking for signs that his drinking is on the uptick again. I don't want to tell him how much to drink; I want HIM to tell ME how much he's going to drink. But this makes him feel controlled and manipulated by me. And it makes me feel alone, and crazy.

I saw that study that made the rounds recently about how couples with different drinking habits are more likely to divorce & I was depressed all day. We have a really wonderful relationship in every other way -- this is the only thing that we seem somehow unable to communicate about. Advice? Techniques? Do I just need to completely ignore his drinking until it creates an actual, unavoidable problem (like it did in January)? If so, how can I train myself out of the monitoring habit? Or is there another way of dealing with this that we haven't come up with yet?

I've made a huge mistake.

Kamelot123 — Sat, 09 Feb 2013 20:46:53 -0800

I drink (alcohol) too quickly during a night out, and it is becoming a problem. I need advice/tricks on how to slow down my drinking pace and not binge. Details inside. Hi there, the question is near the bottom. I think I should give a bit of backstory first.

I had a night out with the boys yesterday. As usual, I noticed early on that my glass was going down at a much more rapid pace than that of my pals. I've always had this problem with consuming whatever I'm eating/drinking too quickly, but of course when it's alcohol the effects are more drastic.

So I ended up drinking far too much, losing track of the later part of the night, and also misplacing a bag (with important stuff inside, of course). There's a decent chance I'll be able to get it back, but fingers are crossed. I'm sick of doing stupid stuff like this, and is not the first time I have done stupid **** while out on the town. So this has gotten me thinking that I really need to tone down my drinking; my regular drinking pace is simply far too fast.

The problem is that I have thought this before and resolved to change things, but I always disregard these resolutions in the heat of the moment. I don't drink often (say, once a week) but when I do I unfortunately almost always lose track of how much I'm drinking and binge. And I think my body can't tolerate alcohol as well as other people, since I wake up with the worst hangovers imaginable.

TL;DR: I'd like to curb my binge drinking habit. Please suggest tricks/advice to catch myself from drinking too much and keep me in line with (or at a slower pace than) the rest of the group. I plan to stick to whatever plan I form from this point on.

Some things I've considered are: Always have a glass of water in between drinks, keep it to one drink per set time period (say, one beer every 45 minutes or so), one sip per minute, pretending to take a sip, having a cutoff point, etc. I have also considered going stone-cold sober, but really do like sharing a pint with friends every now and then and would rather simply try to tone down the habit.

Does anyone have any others? Any advice would be much appreciated!

Getting 70% Isopropyl Alcohol down to exactly 50% based on a 32oz bottle

orehek — Wed, 06 Feb 2013 08:10:30 -0800

For one of the steps to a science project, I need to take a 32oz bottle of drugstore 70% isopropyl alcohol and reduces down to 50% by adding distilled water. Can anyone tell me how many ounces of water I would need to add to the 32oz bottle of isopropyl to make it 50% alcohol? The mathematical formula would be helpful if it's easy enough to calculate in the future. Thank you.

Alcohol = burny burny heartburn. Why? How can I fix it?

fingersandtoes — Mon, 04 Feb 2013 16:58:12 -0800

I understand you are not my gastroenterologist. I'll settle for input from a personally knowledgeable fellow MeFi'er. Has anyone suddenly become unable to drink alcohol, maybe after a GI illness? Does this condition go away? So a few weeks ago I became unable to drink alcohol. I've never been a big drinker, but I like a glass of wine with dinner or out with friends. But in the past few weeks, alcohol in any drink burns me terribly. Wine; sweet stuff; weak stuff; strong stuff -- it all feels like fire when it hits my stomach.

I read something about alcohol loosening the pyloric sphincter so that stomach juices extrude and burn the esophagus. That's what this feels like, but it's instantaneous -- not like after a few minutes, once the booze had been working for a while, but as soon as it hits my stomach.

Timeline wise, I don't know if this is a red herring, but I think the dividing event came when I got a GI bug (just regular travelers' diarrhea) in Mexico over the Christmas break. I think I was doing fine with the drinks at the resort before I got sick. A few days later, on NYE, I remember I was unable to drink the bourbon I'd been served; and I haven't been able to drink any alcohol since. Not even like creamy weak girly drinks.

Spicy/acidic/greasy foods are fine, no problem. Alcohol is the only burny thing.

My question: has anyone out there experienced this? Specifically, has anyone experienced this and gotten over it? What can I do about it? As I said, I'm not a big drinker, but I'm dismayed at the prospect of never enjoying a cocktail with friends or a glass of wine with dinner ever again.

Cooking with alcohol--how much alcohol is absorbed?

dysh — Fri, 01 Feb 2013 08:29:57 -0800

Can anyone point me to reliable sources that can tell me how much alcohol actually gets absorbed in your system when you eat food cooked with it? For example, this pull-apart bread (delicious!) or cooking a pasta sauce with wine? Would it be possible to fail an alcohol test by eating such foods?

Note: I am referring to blood tests, not breathalyzers.

Has anyone done an intervention on a friend?

Unred — Mon, 28 Jan 2013 08:51:51 -0800

And if so, please tell me how you did it? What the situation was? And what kind of resources did you use?

Need to sleep, would prefer to wake up

scarylarry — Sat, 26 Jan 2013 13:16:43 -0800

It's 'Is this a stupid idea?' time! Is it a stupid idea to take an ambien at night (~ midnight) if I have had a few drinks in the early evening (~ 7pm)? I need to shift my sleep schedule tonight and guarantee a full night's sleep, so I plan on taking an ambien at midnight, seven hours before I need to wake up.

There is also a social event I'm obligated to attend this evening, which will run from 6pm to about 8pm. It will take place in a bar, and everyone will be drinking. I'd like to have one or two beers at the event, but I don't want to die.

I take ambien occasionally for insomnia, and in the past I've been extremely careful never to take it on a day I've had alcohol. However, I was wondering whether the four hour gap between my last drink tonight and the time I take the pill will be sufficient to avoid any scary CNS depression scenario. I would not drink more than two pints of beer at the event, and would definitely stop at 8pm.

Obviously, the easiest response would be for me just to teetotal tonight. I'm OK with that option, but I'd prefer to join my friends in a couple of drinks if it's a safe thing to do.

I feel silly asking this question, but the information I've found via google has been vague and/or contradictory. I know that no one here is my doctor or pharmacist. Thank you!

Analogies/ representations of impaired judgement from alcohol

Anonymous — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 07:51:48 -0800

I'm looking for visual representations or imagery that can be used as an analogy/representation of how drinking (too much) alcohol clouds one's judgment. (explanation inside) -- background: a couple of years ago, there was a popular commercial in the U.S. (a diet plan?) that showed massive amounts of sugar pouring from a vending machine, a coke can etc. to "represent" all hidden calories etc. To me it was pretty powerful in making me back off of snacks etc.

Also, I've heard it said that abusing hard drugs is like putting a candy bar into your gas tank.

I'm looking for something similar in regards to intoxication and judgement/mental impairment. (The idea is to have such a picture in mind to help me not want to drink too much, not necessarily how alcohol can hurt my body.)

also, I'm not looking for pics of a guy with his head in a toilet, but more of a "visual simile"
thanks

Is it worth it to learn to socialize this way?

Borborygmus — Thu, 17 Jan 2013 14:53:44 -0800

For various reasons, I've never been entirely comfortable with a very common type of social event -- I'd characterize it as meeting in loud spaces in the evening with strangers around alcohol. In college, they were frat parties. In business school, it's been beer blasts. In professional life, it's been bars and happy hours. These social events are so common that I haven't been able to avoid them entirely, and I realize to some extent attending them is important because they're so common -- this is how many people meet mates, job prospects, connections. Is it worth it to force myself to get better at enjoying them, or am I completely justified in avoiding them as much as I can? (personal details follow) I'm quite a few years out of college, but have returned to business school, where there's a lot of socializing that takes place in this way. That scene has never been my thing, even when I was in college.

I'm not an avid drinker. I'm a bit of a health nut, and would prefer to get up early to exercise. I'm also pretty small, physically, so I find it hard to make an impression in those loud, crowded places. I'm not big enough to claim my space and command crowds, and I tire out trying to shout over the music. Otherwise, I'm pretty sociable. I can make an impression in smaller, quieter environments like dinner parties and meet-and-greets.

I know we often have to do things we're uncomfortable with to grow, but is it worth it to continue to subject myself to these events? I know there are other types of social events, but loud parties seem to cast the widest net, and I might not be able to avoid it one day, so maybe I should get better at it.

On the other hand, is it futile to try? I'm not going to get any bigger or louder to conform to these spaces, nor give up my health obsessions for a questionable return.

Has anyone been in my shoes? Given the demographics of Metafilter, I expect most people will suggest that I spend my time elsewhere, but I'm especially interested in anyone who's tried and succeeded.

Me or relationship.

Anonymous — Sun, 30 Dec 2012 22:08:14 -0800

How do I decide whether this relationship is worth staying and working on or leaving and working on myself? A couple of days ago my SO and myself sat down and had a long chat starting with him stating that I/we seemed unhappy and that we needed to talk.

I took from what he said is that a: he is attracted to confidence b: I am not confident enough c: our sex life has declined due to a decline in his sex drive but also that he cannot ‘perform’ unless he feels emotionally connected (which he obviously is not right now) d: he is attracted to confident women and actively looks and flirts with them “that is all that has happened yet”

A bit of background. We are both in our 30’s, have been dating approximately 4 years, living together for the past few months. We love each other and that has grown from the initial flurry to where we are now. There are some things I don’t like about him but the majority of things I do and I find him attractive and interesting. Our relationship has always been a bit like an antique car, nice to look at and drives well but often breaks down and needs more frequent check ups than your average car. We both have our issues, mine being a lack of trust (not just with him, with men in general), I can be quite negative and critical (grew up in a family where criticisms not compliments were dolled out within a passive aggressive climate), I also find it very difficult to verbally express my feelings. Apart from the broad descriptions like ‘security’, ‘love’ etc..I can’t quite elaborate what my needs are in a relationship.

Before we moved in together we were in a relationship whereby we could only see each other possibly once a fortnight due to distance because of studying. I found it hard to maintain a meaningful connection through emails, texts and phonecalls while understanding that both of us were busy studying. However I always felt that I made more of an effort with the relationship during that time and that I was low on his list of priorities. This however has all resolved since we have finished our studies and are living together.

We are now in a situation where he has his dream job and I have none due to relocation. I am now the ‘trailing spouse’. I have found it difficult to find something within my chosen profession and while I was gung ho at the beginning in my search I have gotten myself into a rut now where I can waste hours on the internet. Instead of him coming home from work with a happy greeting he is thinking “There she is being lazy again on the internet”, I’m thinking “Great, here he is with his unhappy face again”. This, I recognize, can be fixed by me. I need to get out there again with gusto and if not find work, find myself something meaningful to do for my own self esteem and self worth.

On top of this we both have a problem with alcohol. His being binge like. He is able to ‘hold’ his drink i.e. doesn’t get abusive, doesn’t stagger around, becomes friendlier and funnier. However it is binge drinking as quite a lot is consumed into the early hours of the morning. It is not every weekend but I am not really ok with him out downing shots til 4 am. Now that we have moved and his mates (also in relationships) are not around to do this with he has started to find guys here who are single to do this with - I am certainly not ok with this as the last time they ended up down around the red light area, of which he had no memory of being there, his mate pointed this out while in conversation with us.

My problem is not the binge type but rather picking a fight over something. This is never with friends or family, just my SO. We can easily have 2 or 3 drinks together but if we have a big night out there’s a good chance that we will argue and this is most likely me instigating it. For me I think these arguments stem from unexpressed feelings and unresolved issues that cannot be suppressed any longer with alcohol.

So, we discussed most of this and have decided to a: limit alcohol drastically, be nicer and more respectful to each other. I will take control of my life here and find something that I want to do. He will try to stop looking and flirting with other women and we will check back with each other in 3 months (if not sooner).

Is it good enough to stay in? Is it bad enough to leave? Most of my issues will remain whether in this relationship or the next. While I appreciate honesty I am now left feeling hurt that, yes, he is out looking and flirting with other women and that, no, he is not finding me attractive right now. I can’t quite decide whether to cut my losses, go home, work on myself and slip easily into a job or stay here and work on myself within the relationship and on the relationship. I can have to odd ‘flirty’ banter with a guy in front of friends and SO but I don’t seek it out. How do I deal with the ‘yet’? By staying here am I setting myself up for inevitable hurt down the road from ‘yet’ becoming a SO who needs that validation and possibly more from other women?

Throwaway email account: stayorgomefi@gmail.com