I have come to the realisation that I can no longer safely or humanely look after the 2 cats my daughter grew up with. It is not fair to them, my neighbours, my landlord, and I am unwell and it is difficult for me. But my daughter has gone through so much in the past few years, bulimia, OCD, anxiety, depression, at least 2 rapes, her grandmother died, her father went to prison for a horrible crime. She can't take the cats on, she lives in a high rise on a limited income. There is no one else. I can't face telling her that I need to find a new home for them, and causing her more grief, but I can't keep doing this. It's too hard. I also love the cats but I'm not being a good enough kitty mama. What do I do?
Mom had rotator cuff surgery and really needs to keep her arm immobilized and then even more so take it slow and easy during recovery. I'm far away and can send flowers or something, but a neat, fun, or especially practical gift item that would help her would be really nice. Suggest away! Have you had to deal with going one-handed for a while? What helped the most? Snowflakes (of course) inside. [more inside]
How do I make peace with the fact that I will become old, and how do I make the most out of my twenties? [more inside]
My increasingly demented elderly mom has been making tons of online purchases. What should be my next steps to solve this. I have power of attorney. [more inside]
My husband's parents are divorcing and they are in their 60s. His mother has had ill health over the last 20 years and some mental health issues. The divorce has sent their finances into some disarray but they have not been open with us about the particulars. Now his mother is starting to ask for financial help – small things like splitting airfare for her to come visit. But she's also apparently enlisted his sister to buy presents on her behalf for the kids/extended family and then sent checks that bounce. My husband is very anxious about needing to financially support his mother but I don't like this gradual slide into support especially since we do not have a lot of extra money. [more inside]
I have a family member with Alzheimer's and I would like some help with gadget or engineery birthday presents for him. I always bought him books before as he was a reader and a novelist, but he says he can't concentrate enough to read now and I'm stuck! [more inside]
I have run an ad-free blog for over 12 years. My site gets good traffic, is free, and I have enjoyed putting it together each day. Since I am retired and have lots of time available I thought of initiating another blog that would aim at boomers, those feeling the need to think of the future, retirement, health, and yes, even death and the inevitable pains of aging. What topics, issues, areas should I consider, and would you, as a reader of my question here, think such a free site might be of interest? [more inside]
My husband points out that as people age (40s, 50s, 60s, and beyond), they become cranky and rigid, and previously benign idiosyncrasies become more pronounced. Everyone in my family has died young, so I have little experience with this. What's the science behind this, and how can we avoid this happening?
This past week, an old family friend passed away. This lady was a contemporary of my mom (they were friends/peers) and her passing was very sudden. She's super freaked out about this, and I have literally no idea what to say. [more inside]
Mom has early dementia. Dad just had a stroke. I'm being the tough guy and intervening on her book hoarding. Now doubting myself... help! [more inside]
I'm looking for anecdata about, basically, the different things that start going wrong in your body at different ages. So that they aren't COMPLETE surprises to me when they show up. Examples might be: "Dad started to develop incontinance at age 79" and "my nose hairs turned grey and started to need extra trimming at age 63". [more inside]
I'm trying to manage my emergency/end-of-life planning in an intelligent, secure and, hopefully, convenient way. What are the best tools and practices for digital asset planning? [more inside]
Is it possible for a person to de-age significantly without resorting to cosmetic surgery or expensive dermatological procedures? [more inside]
I saw a two-panel cartoon recently. The drawing was of a man with an ache. At 20 he thinks "Ooh, that hurts!" and at 40 he thinks "So this is how it ends!" Which crystallized a question I have about aging and self-monitoring. [more inside]
I am in Central Florida, as is my aging mother. She currently lives independently, alone in her own apartment. Given the trajectory of her health, I don't believe it is safe for her to continue to do so. I know that she needs to go into an assisted living facility. I also know that she will be adamantly opposed to doing so. I know absolutely nothing about how any of this works, and would appreciate any and all advice. Extensive relevant details after the jump, since this is anonymous and I will not be able to answer any follow-up questions. [more inside]
This month the progress of my father's dementia came to a decision point, as his drivers license was suspended on Halloween. Getting him to give up driving has been fraught, as one might expect. I've been kicked out of his house twice now, but have ultimately managed to get him to stop driving. I don't blame him, as I know it's his illness, but I'm left wondering if I have to accept that he is incapable of cooperating at all in getting him the care he needs. [more inside]
My parents are in their early 80's. The time has come for them to sell their house and move to an assisted living type environment. This needs to happen sooner than later. If you have gone through this process what do you wish you had known before you started visiting places? What questions do we ask? What type of financial set-ups have you encountered? [more inside]
I know conspiracy theories aren't limited to the elderly, but a recent visit of my 70-year-old father got me wondering. He's always been a bit Fox-newsy and right wing, but recently he's started to espouse views that (a) make no sense, and (b) are definitely in tin-foil hat territory. Why does this happen to otherwise rational people? He has no history of mental illness and shows no signs of dementia. [more inside]
My dad is 72, obese, has a whole host of health issues, and is addicted to food. I'm exhausted by caring about his health more than he does, and worried that we're running out of time. [more inside]
So I have an elderly relative who is struggling with profound hearing and speech difficulties, and I'm looking for an online community for him. MetaFilter would strike him as too liberal, too young, and somewhat too outré. He's not ignorant or unsophisticated, but his views are conservative and his interest in modern culture is, well, limited. Can anyone point me toward a U.S.-based site with an active group of thoughtful, high-quality commenters and a generally conservative slant on history, politics, and current events? [more inside]
I'm not really sure what to call this since it's not wrinkles or sagging.... it's just... easier to see the muscles underneath my skin? [more inside]
Hello, MeFi! I was at a class reunion last weekend where some photos were uploaded to Facebook. Urgh. I look horrible. I am not aging gracefully. I am shocked at how much I've changed in just a couple of years and am saddened that I'm now looking "my age" - late 40s. What are some of the things you do to keep yourself looking and feeling great? [more inside]
Tips for looking out for my future self [more inside]
I am a Worrier who likes to think things through in advance - so what can I expect in my 30s? [more inside]
Recently my 62-year-old mom mom was hospitalized and committed due to—as best I can gather from a vague diagnosis—Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome (aka "wet brain") as a result of alcoholism, malnutrition and thiamine deficiency (Here's my previous question on this subject). Now she's home, but unable to live on her own—though she can't admit it. Help me convince her she needs in-home care. Details below. [more inside]
I got botox for the first time two weeks ago and was looking for information from people who have more experience with it than I do. I like the wrinkle-reducing results, but have pretty much zero movement in my eyebrows and forehead, and am wondering if it's possible to do a mid-way treatment in the future, where I would have less wrinkle-reduction, but more movement. [more inside]
My mother, aged 73, would like to move from NYC to near us in the Boston 'burbs to be closer to us and our little daughter (though not moving in with us). She's lived in NYC for 45 years, so wherever she moves would be a big transition. I'd be grateful for any resources, tips, and experiences for helping aging parents with a similar move. [more inside]
What’s the one thing I should be doing to stay healthy as I age, keep up my energy, stay healthy and be in good health for the neither or four decades? [more inside]
The carpet in the downstairs family room in my mom's house needs to be replaced. I'm trying to figure out the best option. [more inside]
I am a mid-thirties woman whose professional style is currently somewhat girlish (think this, this, this, this). As I move into my '40s, are there looks that keep this "feel" but in more age-appropriate ways? [more inside]
I'm female, mid-fifties, white (English/Irish background) and in the last few years, amid other signs of aging, I've developed brown spots on my cheeks and jaw (perhaps from sun exposure while travelling in the Middle East many years ago; I've never sunbathed). I'm working on aging gracefully, but the blotchiness does bother me. Are there products or treatments that will help to reduce the spots or, happy thought, make them go away entirely? I've seen ads for various creams and serums; can I trust that they will actually be effective? Any recommendations?
My wife and I recently had a baby. Yesterday, a stranger mistook her for my mother. Now she's really bummed out. Can you share some advice on actions I can take to help lift her spirits up? [more inside]
I've just been reading a review of the latest film treatment of Alzheimers ("Still Alice"), which has the character inherit her early-onset version of the disease from her alcoholic father. But at least for a while, it seemed like the medical thinking linked Alzheimer's to mitochondrial DNA, so that it would be linked to the mother's genetic profile. I realize that it's a hideously complex disease, with or without alcoholism as a factor, but is the maternal-line theory valid?
YANMTA (You Are Not My Tattoo Artist): I'm getting a tattoo. I absolutely know what I want, where I'm going (though I haven't been to the parlor yet since it's out of town) and this is definitely happening. What I want to know is how your (or your friends') fineline or scrimshaw-style and/or tattoo with lettering looks 5, 10, 20 years down the line, with regards to thinking ahead with design. [more inside]
Is there an age where life (or an essential aspect of life) is "over" for most people? In a posts about immortality, 45 year olds show up to say that at their age, you won't want to live forever anymore. In threads about sex, 35 year olds show up to say that's the year it dropped off severely. In threads about friendships, there is a refrain of isolation that began at 25. Are these real phenomenons? If they are real, have you managed to beat them? Are there other ones that I'm missing? I'm looking for a roadmap of what to expect, and if possible, what to fight against.
An older relative has been diagnosed with peripheral neuropathy in his legs. It isn't debilitating, but it is causing problems with driving, as some days he can't feel the pedals well enough to control the car safely. Would hand controls help him stay independent? [more inside]
This is stuck in my head. A few years ago I read something online, the gist of which was sort of following someone who starts a band, and how their life start off seeming a lot cooler than their friends who choose more traditional lives/careers, but over time, their friends lives start to look better, and the musician's life, a bit less cool. [more inside]
I'm 47, female and very overweight. I've got lower back issues and almost zero cardio strength. How to start exercise from basically zero? [more inside]
The other night a friend of mine argued that aging in oak adds a minimal amount of sugar to whiskey: oak's main addition to the end product is flavour, with the majority of the sugar in whiskey being a product of the fermented mash. Is this true? Does the oak have a significant role in the sugariness and/or sweetness of the end product?
How to feel (and look, actually) younger?! [more inside]
My beloved border collie is aging rapidly. He still has lots of the old BC traits but his body can't keep up with them--how do I help him avoid disappointment and keep him happy? [more inside]
Looking for a friendly, non-textbook intro to modern thought on gender, sexuality, and feminism for boomers who want to stay up to date but don't know where to start. [more inside]
As I approach my fifties and confront the reality that parts of my body are wearing out and will never be young and resilient again, I turn to the arts for deeper philosophical understanding of this aspect of the human condition that I am facing. I'd like recommendations of fictional treatments of physical aging which are realistic but compassionate. Guidelines and caveats behind the fold. [more inside]
Any advice on how to convince my active, aging parents to slow down a bit and find that right balance between being active and overactive? [more inside]
If all goes well, I'll be away from home for up to 20 months, beginning this winter. What home-made foods, etc., could I make before leaving that would be super-awesome after aging for a year or two? [more inside]
Is this some sort of mid-life crisis, a hormone thing, or both? [more inside]
Chocolate chip cookies. No-knead bread. Even crepes! All of these benefit from rest time (and usually 12+ hours). Are there other foods that also taste better the longer you take to make them? [more inside]
My 87 year old mom is currently at the Psych ward in Fall River, RI. Her mental health has been deteriorating recently and we are looking into places that she might be comfortable at if and when she is no longer able to be at home in Wellfleet, Cape Cod with 24 hour care. [more inside]
Our 16 year old shepherd-husky mix, Gertrude (obligatory pic 1, 2) has bad arthritic hips and has trouble lying down, getting up and does not like to go down the short flight of stairs to go outside. She's on Rimadyl and Proin. We do have pain medication (Tramadol), which she does not like at all/will not take without a fight. She's in good spirits and is still eating (which is very good as she can be a finicky eater) and is at a good weight. She has a vet appointment this weekend to discuss if there's a next step to make Gert more comfortable. We are prepared if this is the end of the road (should she let us know so), but we're not quite there yet. Aged Dog Owners of Mefi: Prepare me for the vet - is there a step between where we are and the end, aside from asking for a more palatable pain medication?
What are some strategies to keep the mind in its best condition to learn, retain, and recall as we age? Its much harder and psychologically daunting for me to keep "fresh" than it was just a few years ago. How do I halt the decline or improve the situation? [more inside]