Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with aggressive

Mean teacher or loving educator???

winks007 — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 06:45:30 -0800

Is there a term for this? A high school honors teacher is being unreasonably hard on my daughter..... Overall a good student, the teacher (also the football coach) smokes and jokes with the boys in the class but, really comes down on the female students. According to the dean of students, he's only hard on her because he knows she's a good student.

It seems as though they always fall back on some old "cliche?" He only does that because he thinks she has potential. If she's taking 11th grade chemistry for her 10th grade honors class, isn't she already living up to her potential?

For the record, she does very well in school, gets along socailly with her peers in class and extra-cirricular activities. It just seems like there is always some asshole who says " I treat you this way becuase I like you" or something like that.

Is there a name for this behaviour? Also...how can I relay that to the coach that he is using the exact opposite technique than what her mother and I have used to help her get this far?

We want the old Moxie back!

Grither — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 09:46:55 -0800

Why is my dog suddenly aggressive towards other dogs, and how can I try to reverse this recent trend? My 3yr old half beagle half mutt female dog has recently become rather aggressive towards other dogs. We used to take her on walks with no problem, and she used to enjoy going to the dog park for a good run.

Now however, she often lunges at other dogs and growls and the hair on her back stands up when we're walking her, and we are afraid to take her back to the (finally) renovated dog run near us. She is perfectly fine with some dogs in the neighborhood (even lying on her back and exposing her belly to them when she sees them!), but with other dogs she will go nuts! We did have one experience at the dog park where a rather large dog was quite aggressive towards her, but there was no immediate change in her behavior following that little rumble. So we're not really sure what caused the change, or how to fix it.

We have been trying to make sure that when another dog is crossing our path we hold her close to us, and if she doesn't growl or lunge, we will praise her a lot. This doesn't seem to be having much effect, though, and I was wondering if any Mefites might have had similar problems and have been able to solve them? We are considering going to doggy training again with her to try and fix this problem, but I thought I'd ask here first. Thanks in advance!

Learning assertive communication

mintchip — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 19:35:46 -0800

Can you guys recommend any resources for learning assertive communication? In my family I learned to avoid conflict at all costs. Therefore, I don't know how to approach "difficult conversations" directly. For instance, if a friend flakes on me at the last minute, or says they will call me to make weekend plans and then don't, I simply don't know how to broach the topic and tell them I don't like it without sounding like a b*tch. On the flip side, when I don't say anything or am too nice about it, I'm at risk for being a doormat.

I really want to learn the way to address these issues assertively. What works for you? I feel that the issue would be pretty easy for me to resolve except that I don't always have the verbal facility--the actual words--that will let me get my point across in the right way. Whenever I do address something it always sounds "mean" to me.

I will consider books but am hoping there might be resources I'm not aware of (online videos or tapes, etc.) that others can recommend.

How do I know when I'm being self-assertive vs. being a jerk?

treepour — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 22:00:36 -0800

How do I know when I'm being self-assertive vs. being a jerk? This question has plagued me for a long time, but I currently find myself in a job where it's become pretty central. For the first time in my life, I'm working in a relatively small and pretty unstructured environment where there's no clear path to making my needs/wants known.

I feel like I'm missing some sort of internal barometer here, that I lack an innate sense the difference between not speaking up and being too much of a "squeaky wheel." As such, I almost always err on the side of not speaking up, but I feel like this needs to change in order for me stay afloat -- if I don't assert myself, I feel my requests for support/help/assistance/etc. will remain at the bottom of everyone's priority list, but if I'm too overbearing, I fear I'm going to come across as a jerk, overly sensitive, or both.

What social cues or internal signals should I look for to help me determine whether I'm being appropriately assertive or too demanding?

Japanese Passive Aggressive Bento Blog?

duckierose — Sat, 05 Jan 2008 16:44:02 -0800

I am looking for a Japanese blog about a woman who left passive aggressive notes for her husband and son as part of the food in the bentos she made them. A few years ago a friend of mine stumbled upon a Japanese blog of a woman who would create daily bento boxes for her husband and son, but leave passive aggressive notes in them as part of the bento.

Examples, via my friend: She would do stuff like draw a graph of their electric bill on his rice. There was another one where she drew a map of their house to the pharmacy out of nori and a note that said, "Don't forget to pick up your meds!" written out in fish flakes. And there was another one where she made a stereo out of nori with a note that said, "Your music is too loud!" and she put it in her kid's bento.

She, of course, has lost the link. I've run a few searches, but I think the whole "it's a Japanese blog" is making it more difficult.

Does this ring any bells for anyone? Its sounds just awesome enough that I would love to look through it.

How aggressive should we late the older Pug be with the new puppy Pug?

JPigford — Fri, 19 Jan 2007 16:22:31 -0800

How aggressive should we late the older Pug be with the new puppy Pug? We've got a male pug that is 1 1/2 years old and a female puppy pug that is around 8 weeks old. The two of them like to play a lot but sometimes the older pug can be pretty aggressive with the puppy.

Should any type of aggressive behavior be allowed at all? Is it him just establishing his dominance as the older pug?

The puppy pug many times starts them playing, but he always seems to push it too far.

Seeking advice about Bernese Mountain Dogs

pb — Thu, 11 Dec 2003 15:32:44 -0800

My wife and I are thinking about getting a dog. We're specifically looking at Bernese Mountain Dogs and we're just starting to talk with breeders. We've heard that they're often inbred and can be aggressive--which is trouble with such a big dog. But everything we've read says they're gentle. Does anyone have experience with Berners?