Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with aggression

My dog is getting meaner with age

M.C. Lo-Carb! — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 13:23:21 -0800

I'm afraid my old dog's mind is going before his body -- he's peeing on the floor, growls and snaps at us when we try to put him outside, and other odd behaviors. How should my wife and I handle this? Our oldest dog, Rusty, is approximately 16 (give or take a year). He's a 45-pound border collie/heeler mutt that I adopted from a rescue organization when he was about 1. We have two other dogs, both very mellow.

Rusty has always been high-strung -- he actually bit a couple of people when he was 2 or 3 (one was a landlord, the other an acquaintance, yes, it was a big hassle and animal control had to come check him out in both instances), has had epic fights with other dogs (he doesn't start them, but responds viciously to any attempt at domination), and has reliably gone berserk at the vet's office, crapping and growling and biting, that sort of thing. As a result, he has had a minimum of veterinary care, only emergencies. Unlike our other two dogs, he's never had his teeth cleaned, regular shots or anything like that.

I've tried all sorts of training programs and a couple canine anxiety meds over the last 15 years, and none have made any difference. A decade ago, I basically adapted to the fact that he's just kind of crazy, and have sought to keep him out of bad situations. He has always gotten lots of exercise, and physically is in very good shape, despite his age.

But recently, it appears his mental condition is declining. A few months ago, he stopped going outside in the mornings. After he eats, he slinks back to his bed or a favorite corner and won't listen to a word we say (he has previously been very obedient). If we try to pull him by his collar, he will snap and growl menacingly.

For a while, we'd trick him to get a leash on him by telling him we were "going for a walk," but it didn't take long for him to figure this out. My wife is understandably frightened of him at this point, and it's becoming an issue between us.

He is also pacing around at night and peeing and defecating all over the house, about every other night. I usually clean this up quickly, but it's damaging our wood floors, leaving stains, etc.

Rusty has always been an indoor dog, and I think just leaving him outside at night while the other two are inside would make him really sad. But I don't want him to bite me or my wife either during the morning ritual of getting him outside.

All this aside, he still enjoys his walks, playing fetch, barking at the mailman, etc. His quality of life does not appear diminished.

tl;dr -- So I guess my question is: at what point do you start considering putting down an otherwise healthy geriatric dog that is becoming frighteningly obstinate? Obviously, if it got to the point where he injured one of us, that'd be it, but I'd rather avoid that.

What would you do in this situation?

How can I re-socialize my dog-agressive dog?

roscopcoletrane — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 08:24:53 -0800

My dog slowly went from loveable goofball to dog park bully. He's been on probation for about 6 months, and I'd like to start the process of re-socializing him and (hopefully) someday return to the dog park. How do I do this without putting any other dogs in danger -- especially considering that I don't currently know any other dog owners, and I don't have a good private space for doggie playdates? My dog is a 3-year-old 50-lb. boxer mix. He might have some pittie-type genes in him, but it's debatable. Once upon a time, he was a happy-go-lucky pup who went to doggie daycare twice a week and never had any problems with other dogs. I took him to dog parks all the time, he chased his ball, he romped with other dogs and had a great time. Life was good.

When he was a little less than 2 years, he started to get into scuffles with other dogs -- quick explosions that were over as soon as they had begun. At that point, it never seemed like he was instigating, just defending himself from more dominant dogs that tried to bully him. No one was ever hurt, and most owners recognized it as normal dog behavior and weren't bothered.

It slowly got worse. He started getting into serious fights, always with intact males (he's neutered). He would instigate fights. He'd trot over to a dog, put his head over their shoulder, and if they moved their head toward him, BAM -- snarling, yelping, biting, owners screaming, dogs being pulled apart and me walking my bully home in humiliation. He seems like a pretty clear case of a socially insecure beta-male trying to prove himself. He hasn't seriously injured any dogs, but he's scared the bejesus out of me.

After 3 of those and a few other close calls, I finally admitted to myself that I couldn't trust him around other dogs. Some dogs he is totally fine with, but it got so unpredictable that it didn't seem worth the risk.

It has been about 6 months since he's been to a dog park. We walk every day, I'm starting to go running with him every day, we train at home, and through training he's showing definite improvements in his general behavior. We still don't have much contact with other dogs, and when he meets other dogs on his leash he's usually happy and does play-bows or jumps around and whines and wags his tail -- all great signs -- but I still get really tense. I try to breathe and calm down but it's so hard to quell that fear that he's going to hurt another dog. It might even be an instinctual response for me now -- he gets close to a dog and my lizard brain floods my body with adrenaline to prepare for the possibility of an attack.

OK, so here's what I need your help with:

I've read practically every dog book ever written. Patricia McConnell is my hero. So I know I need to relax, and I'll only be able to do that by getting practice seeing him play well with other dogs. I think my first step needs to be to set up a private playdate with a dog he gets along with, but I'm not even sure how to realistically make that happen. I don't have any friends with dogs, and I'm too shy to set up a playdate with other dog owners I see on the street.

Also, I live in Boston and don't have a good private space to host a playdate. I have a tiny yard but it's not big enough for 2 dogs to really run around. There are fenced dog parks but they're always crammed with dogs. There are fenced non-dog parks, but when I step foot in them with my dog I get yelled at by passers-by for having the audacity to bring a dog into a completely empty park.

I'm so frustrated, and so sad for my little guy, but I'm not ready to give up and doom him to a life of no contact with other dogs. Hive, do you have any suggestions or tips for me? How can I get him back to that happy, well-adjusted pup he used to be?

Is this dog compatible with our family?

Happydaz — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 13:52:15 -0800

Our recently-acquired dog has been having some major behavior problems and showing some aggression that worries us because we also have a 6-month old child. We've been taking the dog to training classes but so far it hasn't been fruitful. Should we give him back? (TLDR details inside) My wife and I adopted Flip, an Australian shepherd mix, off Craigslist at the end of March. (At least, we were told that was his breed, here's his picture if anyone cares to weigh in.) Our last dog had just died after a battle with lymphoma. We really, really missed him and found our house empty without a dog, so two weeks later we got Flip. I guess you could say he was a rebound.

We started having problems with him immediately. The biggest concern was barking ... he's 5 years old and didn't prove to be easy to train out of the habit, unlike our last dog. He clearly considers the house his domain and barks when anything gets within a 200 foot radius. He'll acknowledge me when I correct him but if the stimulus is still out there he'll then continue to bark. That's not a huge problem, though ... I'm a dog person and I love playing with him in the backyard, like his companionship and find his personality really amusing.

The bigger problem is his aggression. He's one of those dogs that whenever he sees another dog he instantly goes all aggro on it. He inspires aggression in other dogs, too. Snarling, rip-your-throat-out aggression. We quickly trained Flip out of nipping habits towards us when we got him (the cattle-dog traits of nipping at your hand or hip if you're going an unexpected direction, etc), but if he's running after another dog and I correct him with the choke collar, he will transfer the aggression and attempt to snap at me if I'm in his way. I immediately discipline him when this happens (pull him down by the scruff of the neck and pin him until he stops fighting it) but this trait worries me.

Last night at dog training was awful. He barked at the other dogs the entire hour, he refused to sit down with his back to other dogs, and when the instructor took him to demonstrate a particular heeling technique, he nipped at the instructor's hands and crotch as he was led around. The instructor has suggested we get a pinch collar, which we will certainly do, but my wife and I are worried that these behaviors are going to end up with our son being bitten once he's old enough to start annoying the dog. We never leave the two alone together but we don't want to keep Flip if there's not a good chance that we can train this behavior out of him.

What would you suggest?

Healthy ways to get anger and aggression out of my system?

heatherann — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 05:38:38 -0800

Things have been super-stressful at work. My therapist keeps asking if I have a way to get all this anger and aggression and stress out of my system... and I don't! I usually just rant and get more angry. What are some better ways to get the frustration out? I'm trying to avoid going full-on into burn-out mode, but the stress at work has been high enough and lasted long enough that my fuse is really short and I come home frustrated and irritable. It's disturbing my sleep because I can't seem to relax. I'm working with people at work to change the things that are causing the problems, but that's going to be a long process, and I'm at the end of my rope now.

Rather than ranting at my partner for hours (which just gets me more worked up), how can I get all this adrenaline out of my system? I'm usually a "sit and stew and rant" sort of gal, and that's really not working for me. I need to figure out a way to let myself be angry and actually get the adrenaline out so I can be tired and get some endorphins and maybe even move on and think about other things.

My therapist says he has another client who has an unfinished basement who throws plates at the wall. I live in a condo and I'm pretty sure the neighbours wouldn't be down with that. I thought of learning to shoot guns and going to a shooting range, but there are none in downtown Toronto, so it wouldn't be an accessible "had a bad day at work" kind of thing. I don't usually play sports, and don't have a gym membership, but would be open to those suggestions. But I would probably be more open to non-sports options, if I could only think of any. Let's be inventive!

And before we diagnose me, yes, I have anxiety and depression (and perfectionism and INTJ-ness and first-child-syndrome, etc), and my psychiatrist is fabulous and my meds are good. I just need to get the anger and frustration out of my system.

What have I done to offend you, kitty?

fermion — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 11:25:21 -0800

Why is my roommates' cat hissing at me, and what should I do to convince her to stop? My housemates have two cats--sisters, about a year old. I moved in when the cats were still kittens, so they've known me most of their lives. One of them is as calm, friendly and loving a cat as you could want, if a bit shy and retiring. The other, however, seems to be taking an increasing dislike to me and has developed a habit of hissing at me for no obvious reason, often accompanied by a swipe from her claws.

Occasionally she does this for more or less understandable reasons--because I'm trying to remove her from some location where she's trying to get into trouble, or because she's decided she's Done Playing. She never hisses at my roommates, but they are her "parents" and so presumably she's more tolerant of their interference.

More often, however, she hisses just because I try to pet her, or for no reason at all. She has a baffling habit of sitting next to my alarm clock and hissing or attacking every time I reach for the snooze button--my roommates think that she might be especially aggressive while in my room because she can smell my pet snakes. At other times she'll hiss, claw, and then roll over onto her back as though wanting to play.

She's been hissing more and more often lately. Why is she doing this? How should I react? Should I speak sharply so she knows it annoys me, or should I ignore it, or what? I would really like to be friends with her, and at the very least I want to co-exist peacefully.

How to help a cranky cat get used to the dog?

cuddles.mcsnuggy — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 09:16:35 -0800

(Pet harmony filter) A little over 3 months ago, we adopted Phoebe, an 18-month old poodle/bichon cross. She's a fantastic dog, very well behaved, perfectly lovable and playful and awesome in every way, and we adore her. We also have 4 cats, 3 of which have settled down and seem to have gotten used her. But not Phil. Phil hates Phoebe with white-hot kitty hate. And it's breaking my heart. So the gist of things is that Phoebe's a very playful dog. She's completely non-aggressive and does not bark, bite, growl, or jump. However, she just LOVES to run. When we first brought the dog home, none of the cats wanted anything to do with her and they'd all dash away to hide, which the dog saw as "Oh boy!! We're playing chase! Hooray!! Fun fun fun!" and she'd bound after them. But things settled down eventually and most of the cats have figured out that if they walk around the house and go about their business normally, and don't speed around in a mad panic, Phoebe leaves them alone and everything's fine.

Phil, however, has not figured this out and relations seem to be getting worse and worse between him and the dog. He either runs in abject terror away from Phoebe (which causes the dog's chase impulse to kick in); or if the dog walks anywhere within Phil's eyesight then it's nonstop hissing, growling, ears-back, hackles up aggression on the part of the cat. Phil has advanced on Phoebe and bitten her at least twice (that I was there for) -- not enough to break the skin but enough that she yiped. The dog is now afraid of the cat. The cat's terrified of the dog. And the cat just seems to be getting more aggressive.

Last night the dog was following me around the house and we passed a room where Phil was. The dog didn't even know he was in there and walked right by him.... but when the cat saw us from his perch, he lunged across the room, out the door, and tried to attack the dog with a bite; which he would've done if I hadn't stepped in his way and yelled at him. He tried it again this morning in the kitchen. Phil has had the dog pinned in corners, as he stood growling menacingly at her (scaring the dog enough that she was shivering), multiple times. So now I'm faced with a very aggressive unhappy cat who is actively terrorizing the dog. I'm very concerned that either the cat will cause serious injury to the dog; or the dog will say "enough is enough" and bring tragic retribution back on Phil.

Some more background:
- The dog's access to the upstairs is blocked off but the cats have free reign of the whole house. I have been careful to give the cats lots of quiet, comfy, safe space to call their own.
- Phil has pretty much sequestered himself to the upstairs and rarely comes down to the main living area with us any more. The other cats are back to their normal routines.
- The dog is crated for 4-6 hours a day while we're at work, and the cats can move freely anywhere they want all day. The dog also sleeps in the bedroom with us (with the door shut), so the cats have run of the house every night.
- All cats still receive tons of affection & attention (well, for Phil, it's at least when he chills out enough to come down & say hello)
- The dog leaves the cats' stuff alone: she doesn't eat their food, try to steal their toys, or use their furniture.
- They're all indoor cats & everyone is spayed/neutered
- The dog is about 16-17 lbs. Phil is about 15-16 lbs (similar size)
- I've tried anti-anxiety meds (diazepam) on Phil, but it made no difference. He stilled hissed & growled, drowsily.
- The vet had no constructive suggestions
- I understand the reasons the cat is behaving this way (feeling threatened, upheaval in his home, his territory has changed, etc.), so I'm not looking for opinions on WHY we're having the problem, but how to fix it.
- I've tried talking to Phil and reasoning with him, but unfortunately he doesn't speak English.

So is there any hope that Phil & Phoebe will come to a truce? How? My husband seems to think they'll eventually work it out. I'm not so sure. Phil is (was?) my favorite cat, and I admit I even had dreams of him & the dog being good friends. And though I hate to think about it, I'm afraid that it will come down to re-homing Phil. (My husband thinks if anyone needs to go, it's the dog because the "cats were here first." My perspective is that the dog is perfectly happy, but it's Phil who's miserable so he may best be served by another home.) But let me reiterate, I really, really don't want to re-home anyone. Has anyone gone through this? Does it just take time? Will an animal behaviorist help? Other resources?

How can we stop our dog from antagonizing our cat before meal times?

slowfasthazel — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 12:13:16 -0800

How can we stop our dog from antagonizing our cat before meal times? Our household consists of a 5 year old rescue cat, who previously lived well with dogs, and a 6 year old Border Collie McNab rescue, who previously lived well with cats. We've only had the dog for about a week and a half and, while he's well behaved and a great dog 99% of the time, we're noticing he's getting more and more aggressive before we feed them. At meal times, they both come racing into the kitchen, but the dog will herd/chase the cat either away from her dish, or out of the room completely. This morning he chased her out and snapped at her. The dog does not seem to be particularly protective of his food when he's eating it. We have started feeding the dog in his kennel so the cat can have some time to finish her meal. That addressed the eating of the cat food by the dog, which he would do if there was opportunity, but not the pre-meal aggression.

Any recommendations before this gets out of hand? The dog and cat food is currently housed in a cupboard near the cat's dish. We thought about moving the food, since maybe the dog is associating that area with his food. We are also considering installing a cat door on our laundry room door, so the cat can eat in peace. Should we just put the dog in the kennel and then bring his food to him? I'm not sure if these steps will just help the symptoms rather than the problem. I have also heard of letting the cat eat a little bit out of the dog bowl before the dog does, which is supposed make the cat appear higher in the pack.

The dog and cat get along fine when there's not food involved.

how to deal with aggression from a newbie?

dlugoczaj — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 19:12:11 -0800

NewCatFilter: We just had a scary incident involving our old and new cats--what's the best response? Much more after the cut. BackStory: Until about three weeks ago, we had two cats: Mouse, nearly fourteen, and Kali, a little over two. My husband brought Mouse to the marriage. She has lived with other cats before, and is generally low-key with them (and with us; she's sweet but dignified and a little reserved). Kali is a wild thing; prefers to be outdoors most of the time, gets very antsy if inside for very long, enjoys a little petting on her terms only, but is not aggressive toward either people or Mouse, except for the occasional playful pounce-and-chase.

Three weeks ago I found Mali in the parking lot at my work and brought her home. She's young (the vet said between one and two years) and very, very affectionate with us--loves laps and cuddling. She had been very low-key with the other cats--occasionally a little nosy when it came to feeding time, but nothing overtly aggressive, and she'd walk the other way if Mouse or Kali growled or hissed at her. She and Mouse had even shared the bed with me and my husband once or twice with no problems.

Last Friday, we had Mali spayed and were told that she was pregnant at the time (she'd been very, very thin when I found her so she wasn't really showing). Since she rallied from the anesthesia, she has continued to be nothing but affectionate with us but is noisier and pushier about it.

Tonight she was curled on my lap, had been purring quite happily, when Mouse came down the stairs. Mali stopped purring when Mouse came in, but I didn't really think anything of it--until Mali suddenly launched herself off my lap and straight across the room at Mouse, hissing and spitting viciously. Mouse had done nothing to provoke her and was completely caught off guard; she retreated and Mali chased her and continued to hiss. I don't know how much actual physical contact was made; my husband and I broke them up. He soothed Mouse (who didn't seem hurt, just upset) and I told Mali firmly that she was a bad cat, picked her up, and shut her in our bathroom/laundry room. (She gave me no trouble with being picked up.) We have since kept her there by herself for a good hour, and we may leave her there for the rest of the night for reinforcement (her litter box and a water cup are there, so she's not kept away from any necessaries).

I'm just freaked out now, and my husband even more so. It may be too early to freak, but it just shocked us both so much since it came out of nowhere and was so serious (NOT the kind of tussle that Kali ever engaged in with Mouse). Am I overreacting? Is Mali adjusting hormonally to no longer being pregnant--and will it get worse? Why does she suddenly feel a need to get territorial or jealous, when she hadn't been at all before? Did we do the right thing isolating her immediately, and should we continue to do so if it happens again (if so, for how long)? She seems to want human attention desperately, so I figure that taking it away is the best consequence. Is there a better one?

I don't want to end up having to give her up--she's so dear with me, and I was so happy about that--but I do not want Mouse to be afraid to live in her own home either, and I know my husband won't put up with that.

Finding a new home for a fear-aggressive dog

Anonymous — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 07:39:40 -0800

Finding a new home for a fear-aggressive dog I have a six-year-old neutered male dog who is fear aggressive. We have had him since he was eight months old, prior to which he was pretty severely abused. He is very anxious, and he has bitten people he does not know several times. He has never broken skin, but he does bite multiple times. We love this dog very much, and we have done everything that we can think of to address this problem. We have taken him to several trainers and behaviorists and continue to work with him daily. He has had a complete medical workup. He is sweet and entirely nonaggressive to people that he has previously met. He is not aggressive towards dogs or other animals.

We are at the point that we can no longer keep our dog, as his biting appears to be getting worse and because we have a baby coming. We are devastated to have to put him to sleep...this dog is our family, and we have not reached this point without considerable effort and thought.

We have contacted rescue groups without any success so far.

Please don't suggest that we keep our dog. We would love to do this, but we have literally spent years working with him under the guidance of very good professionals, and we are clearly not improving his aggression.

Meerrrrrooowww!

queseyo — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 20:25:11 -0800

We get along great; our cats don't. My boyfriend and I will probably be moving in together in the next year. Our cats have already met, as I've taken care of his cat several times, usually for a week or two. They don't get along. Is there anything I can do to reduce the aggression? He has a 1.5 yo little pound kitty (under 8 pounds) and I have a 7 yo chartreux (a cheezburger cat, 12 pounds). They are both spayed females, with their claws, both indoor cats. If BF's cat approaches my cat in any way (either just walking by, trying to play or being aggressive), my cat hisses, ears back, and starts batting her paws. My cat's only reaction to BF's cat seems to be hissing, even when BF's cat is not interacting with her, or (in my perception) trying to be friendly (butt-sniffing). BF's cat, who is far more clever and agile than mine, does take advantage of the situation, and will corner my cat and bat at her. I've seen BF's cat stalk out my cat, waiting for her around the corner, doing the whole rear-end winding-up and pounce! thing. Other times, it seems like she's just trying to say hi, or lick, or play.
They just had a roll around on the floor fight, my cat hissing, and both tearing across the apartment.
On one hand, I think my cat needs to find another reaction than hissing, and I think BF's cat needs to not badger mine as much. BF has taken care of both cats once, and reported very few hissing incidents; this could be because his place is much larger than mine (I live in a rather small apartment, he in a split-level house) and the two can have their own space, and that BF's cat is (possibly) less territorial than mine.
I don't expect the two of them to be friends, but the hissing is really getting annoying. What can I do to ameliorate the aggression (on both sides)?

I want to punch something in the face. Can you help me?

dinty_moore — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 16:05:35 -0800

Looking for a website that will allow me to upload a picture of my choice and then have it punched in the face. Other violent acts (darts, being set on fire, kicked in the crotch) will also be accepted. I refuse to believe that nothing like this exists on the internet, but my google-fu is failing me.

This is for a friend of mine that's having a crappy week. (I do needlefelting to take care of my violent urges).

Help please.

heavenstobetsy — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 19:58:34 -0800

Help me try to save my dog. My mother has had a black lab for the past 5 years (He's about 7 now). He was abused in his first home which has resulted in some problems with confidence and as a symptom aggression. He's a complete sweetheart 99% of the time. Just the most affectionate and cuddly dog I have ever met. Until a stranger comes into my parents' home. He has no tolerance for this. Usually they will leash him and keep him at their side or crate him in the back room, or put him outside. Today my stepfather had someone over briefly. The dog was outside until the visitor was just leaving. My stepdad had him on a leash and he was fine. Until apparently a dog being walked in front of the house started barking, scaring my mom's dog and resulting in him nipping/biting/whatever the visitor in the ass. She wants "something" done about this. She apparently did not elaborate on what "something" is, but I can guess. My parents have resigned themselves to putting him down. He has bit someone once before, same approximate situation. New person in our home.

I feel this situation isn't so much the fault of our dog, but an issue of negligence on the part of my parents. My feeling has always been NOT to put him in this situation since we KNOW it's a possibility he will try to or will bite. We are aware of his issues and I feel it's our responsibility to make sure that we keep them in mind.

Sorry. Basically, the visitor hasn't forced us to euthanize him, to our knowledge hasn't reported the incident to anyone (the bite didn't break skin btw, so no tetanus). There has to be more options. I know that finding another more suitable home is an extreme longshot. How effective would puppy prozac be in this situation? Experiences? Other ideas?

music for girls who hate girls?

runincircles — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 13:24:54 -0800

She's so dull - come on rip her to shreds! (notterriblynicefilter) Hello.
I'm looking for songs to channel my nightmare-flatmate aggression. What is there about righteous girl-on-girl good straight-forward hatred
- about a particular woman (or non-specified person)

- BY WOMEN

- in and around the genres of punk, (old-fashioned) indie, hiphop and rock

that I can jump around to, so I don't have to jump ON anyone? Not particularly about "you stole my man" but that's good if is more aggresive than Jolene-y.
Other general "ooh I really dont like you too much" tunes, also by blokes, very welcome too!

All i have so far:
Blondie, obviously
Libel - Tilt
Solar Race - Drink my piss
and
John Cooper Clarke - Twat

Cheers!!

Where can I go to try and hurt people safely?

Anonymous — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 16:27:10 -0800

Where can I go to let my rage out by really trying to hurt people, but safely for me and for them? Ideally, this would be like a self-defense scenario, with two or more padded and armored attackers I can go all out against, but who are willing to accommodate my individual scenario over just an hour or two. Difficulty: I am a big guy with martial arts experience. When I was about eight, I was sexually assaulted. It was really quite minor, in the grand scheme of things - one man held me while the other groped my crotch through my clothes. I thought I had really forgotten about it until I started therapy to become more emotionally open, and I realized that the feeling of powerlessness from that moment had really shaped my life.

My way of dealing with the emotion of that time was to provide as much control in my life as I could. I studied martial arts in college for personal safety. I am still very aware of my surroundings when I am outside, and often visualize what to do if invaders were to come in my house. I also tried to keep total control over my emotions when stressed. All this worked for a while, but I found my life flat and and sterile because suppressing the bad emotions suppressed the good ones as well.

So I started therapy. Now, in my early forties, I have a great and loving wife and a happy life. I am more able to care and love and be happy. But I still have in my this incredible rage from my assault. I think of it as my "killing rage" and am scared - terrified - to let it out. But it is bottled up with other emotions that I want, and I really feel the need to just work it out by letting the rage out to see what happens and what comes with it. The problem is, I don't want to hurt anyone. I am a very big guy, and though it is 20 years past, still remember lots of striking and kicking basics.

So what I am looking for is a supportive, controlled environment where I can recreate my assault, but in this case let the rage out and fight back as hard as I could. I envision fighting a couple of opponents quite brutally for just a minute or two, then taking a break to get back in control, but doing this several times over an hour or two. I would want the opponents to be safe, which means padding and armor and enough skill to protect themselves.

Where can I go to do this? Is there a self-defense studio that would understand and accommodate me? Northern Virginia/DC area is best, but it is important to me and I would be willing to travel if needed.

I have set up the email address stompingmywaytoinnerpeace@gmail.com if you want to contact me offline.

Thanks for any recommendations.

P.S. - I know the emotions I am feeling are not uncommon. Is the way I want to deal with them totally odd? This was my idea, and my therapist is totally on board with it.

Why do my cats suddenly hate each other?

kdar — Mon, 24 Sep 2007 22:20:13 -0800

My cats have suddenly become very aggressive towards each other. What gives? They're brother and sister, about three years old. I've had them since they were 10 weeks, and a week ago we moved into an apartment in Brooklyn from DC. This will be the fourth apartment they've lived in, and beyond the standard play fighting, they've never been even remotely aggressive towards each other. They've always taken moves very well, and this one is no exception; after being skittish for a day or so, they livened right up and made themselves at home. They were last at the vet less than a year ago for their yearly checkup, and they got their rabies and other boosters when they were there.

Until now: I woke up this morning to girl cat hissing and growling at boy cat. This is very strange; last night they were being their sweet, affectionate selves towards each other, and it seemed like someone flipped a switch overnight. I thought it might go away after a day at work, but it's continuing, and I'm worried.

So, what can I do about this?

How to stop a dog's aggressive behavior during walks?

pitseleh — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 19:46:30 -0800

My 3.5-year-old, 12 pound dog has been displaying aggression on our walks, and I'm not sure how to fix it. When my dog was about 4 months old, she started barking at a few of the people we would pass on our nighttime walks. Despite my efforts to discourage the behavior, it continued until about a year ago, when it started getting worse. Now she barks and growls at many of the people she sees on our walks. She is more aggressive at night or near the entrance to my building or apartment; at those times she has started lunging while barking and growling. Otherwise, she doesn't show any signs of dominance or aggression towards me or anyone else she knows (including people she's met for only a few minutes). She knows all the usual commands and obeys, although if she's very distracted or has something really good in her mouth, it takes repeating the command once or twice.

I was careful about trying to socialize her when she was a puppy, including a puppy class and regular walks, although I'm sure I could have done more in that area. She has always been a fearful dog that startles easily. She was the puppy that preferred sitting on my lap rather than playing with the other small puppies in the puppy class. She's always been tenative about meeting new people, and she still doesn't like to play with other dogs, even though she's been around them regularly most of her life.

I have a feeling that positive reinforcement would the best approach due to her fearful nature, but I'm not sure exactly how to go about it. I'm open to other possible solutions as well. Please help!

Mexican Hairless dog aggression problems?

flyingcowofdoom — Fri, 10 Aug 2007 08:01:29 -0800

Our 3.5 year old Mexican Hairless has started becoming aggressive and I need suggestions for dealing with it. We have a 3.5 year old Mexican Hairless (named Kelsi) that we rescued from an awful woman on June 1 of this year. After we had her for two weeks, we found out she was pregnant (she's had two litters before this one). She gave birth to four puppies 6 weeks ago. In the past two weeks, she has started having some aggression problems. When we first got her 2.5 months ago, she did not have any aggression problems. I could take treats from her mouth without any resistance. My wife and I live with her parents, and she seemed to be scared of my father-in-law, but didn't show any aggression toward him. As her pregnancy progressed, she started growling and barking at my father-in-law and any strangers that would come into our "family room", where she and my wife spend 95% of our time. My wife is sick and stays home all day every day with Kelsi. After having puppies (the puppies stay in our family room all the time in a wire enclosure), the growling and barking is getting steadily worse. She won't growl at anyone if she is downstairs, away from the room with the puppies. If a stranger comes in our room, she will growl and bark as they approach the room, and stop usually 30-90 seconds after they come in. Then, she'll generally start wagging her tail and seem normal (except with my father-in-law).

Last weekend, my sister-in-law and her husband were visiting, and while she usually would be fine with them, she did not seem to want the husband in our room. She kept growling at him, and when he went to hug my wife, Kelsi "bit" him. It didn't hurt or break the skin or leave any mark. He said it didn't seem like she was trying to injure him, just let him know that she meant business.

Yesterday, she started growling at my mother-in-law (whom Kelsi normally adores). She has also started growling at me if I put my hand near her when she has a rawhide bone. This morning, my mother-in-law went in to feed the puppies and noticed that Kelsi was only half under her blanket, so she went to cover her up and Kelsi snapped at her. Again, it didn't seem to have the intent to harm.

I should mention that we do not tolerate any of this behavior and we tell her NO sternly and loudly. We have also tried "nipping" at her neck with our fingers at the same time. I'm very upset about this decline in her behavior. At first, I thought it was normal for her to act a little weird about strangers in the room because of the puppies, but this recent aggression toward my mother-in-law and towards me when she has a treat is very unacceptable.

Does anyone have any recommendations, or should I really be consulting a professional at this point? I'd rather not have to spend hundreds on a dog behavior specialist, but it's not acceptable to me to have a dog with aggression issues.

TIA!

--FCOD

How to stop my sister's dog's newly aggressive behavior towards his new roommate?

Dr. Lurker — Tue, 08 May 2007 21:25:18 -0800

My sister and her dog just moved into a new apartment with a new roommate and "new" dog last weekend. Now her never before aggressive dog is attacking the "new" dog. What do we do? My sister's dog is 1.5 year old neutered male black lab. The "new" dog is about 2 years old and a neutered male lab/border collie mix. The "new" dog has been living at the apartment as an only dog his whole life. My sister's dog and the "new" dog had never met until this last weekend because my sister and her dog moved from out of state.

My sister and her dog had been living with me and my 5 y.o. spayed female lab mix ever since we got him as a stray about a year ago. He has been a bit of a hyper active lab puppy, but he has never been aggressive towards other dogs. In fact, my dog was the dominant dog and was aggressive towards my sister's dog from time to time.

So, the "new" dog has not been aggressive at all towards sis' dog, and they seemed to get alond swimmingly at first. Then my sis' dog started snarling and growling at the "new" dog--mainly when sis' dog was sitting next to me or my sister (I helped them move) and "new" dog came near. The "new" dog didn't really respond. Sis' dog has lunged at the "new" dog a time or two, but hasn't bit him, yet. Though he has bitten me once when I tried to break up the fray and now my sister when she tried to break it up (at the expense of five stitches). I want to make it clear that he is not intending to bite us, it is our own stupid fault that we got bit. He has never been aggressive towards people

My gut feeling is that my sis' dog is freaked out from driving 800 miles and the new surroundings, and will settle down once he gets adjusted. My sis' gut feeling is that my dog's dominance over her dog has caused him to now be aggressive towards a mild mannered dog now that he has the chance. All the information I have found deals with the already established dog being aggressive towards the new dog, not the other way around. How does she put an end to this behavior quickly? Bonus points for any recommendations for affordable dog trainers in the Long Beach, CA area.

Encounters with unleased, people-free dog(s)

nnk — Fri, 09 Feb 2007 11:57:57 -0800

A friend was walking her dog (a sturdy greyhound-dalmatian mix) on a quiet side street in her neighborhood. She looked across the street and saw a pitbull with no collar (just a bandana) and a wire muzzle. The pitbull saw my friend and her dog, it crossed the street and the dogs immediately began to fight. My friend used her best alpha voice to try to distract them and she tried to pull her dog away. Nothing worked. Finally she yelled for help and thankfully someone came out of their house and pulled the pit bull away. No one was hurt but the emotional toll was huge; what if the pitbull hadn't been muzzled? What could she have done? And of course then I thought, what would I have done if it were me and my dog (who is scrappy, but smaller)? IF I let my dog go and the other dog caught it, they would be too far away for me to do anything (not that that would be safe anyway) and then there's the possibility of my dog getting hit by a car if I were to let her go. We have had an encounter with an unleashed, somewhat aggressive dog that I scared away by yelling but that (obviously) won't alway work. I am thinking about getting some mace (really a mace-like product) What would you do? What have you done?

Will neutering change my male kitten's aggressive behaviour?

LeeJay — Thu, 07 Dec 2006 19:24:13 -0800

Our recently adopted, very sweet, very clingy male kitten is showing some signs of aggressive behaviour. Is this typical of intact males? Will his behaviour change for the better after he's neutered or should I be worried? My roommate and I were recently "adopted" by an incredibly sweet male cat who just showed up on our porch one day about four weeks ago. He was immediately affectionate and not at all intimidated by our dogs so I assumed he was a housepet that got himself lost. We put up flyers and asked around the neighborhood but no one ever claimed him, so we took him in. He's been in to the vet for a checkup and shots and we're planning on having him neutered after the holidays. We estimate his age at less than a year. He still has an immature look to him and a neighbor thinks he saw him around during the summer as a very small kitten.

He's very sweet and very clingy, especially with me. He wants nothing more than to sit by me, near me or, preferably, on me and is pretty demanding when it comes to being petted. Just recently, within the last few days, he has started getting a little more agressive when it comes to demanding attention. When I have to leave and he doesn't want me to, he'll take a swipe at my leg. It's a pretty light swipe but he has all of his claws and my pantlegs have taken a beating. Today I got up off of the couch (where I had been petting him) and he cried and bit my arm. Again, not hard, didn't draw blood, but it concerns me. I have tried to discourage this behavior by loudly saying OUCH and then ignoring him for a time but from time to time he will still swipe at my leg if I try to leave him. I love him to death but this unpredictability is making me a little nervous. I don't want to be bitten or scratched and neither does my roommate. (He hasn't done this with the roommate. He doesn't seem to be as attached to him as he is to me.)

Is this common in intact young males? Can I expect this clingy behaviour and agression to diminish after he's neutered? Or is this a sign of a bigger problem that I should be worried about? I plan on talking to my vet about it when I see him but that probably won't be until after the holidays and I would really like to rectify the problem as soon as possible.

Help me say, "cats aren't toys!"

COBRA! — Mon, 11 Sep 2006 13:22:54 -0800

Help! The dog's decided cats are fun to chase. Our puppy (5-month old Shepherd mix) gave our two cats lots of room for her first month of residence. But suddenly, she's decided that it's a hoot to chase the cats, bark at them, and try to entice them into a wrestling match.

She's in an obediance class already, and I'm hoping that repeated, consistent messages that it's not ok to harrass the cats will eventually get through, but it's pretty rough right now and I'd like more perspective and suggestions.

One other thing: the cats do have a dog-free retreat (the dog's not allowed in the basement), but keeping everyone seperated when the cats come upstairs is problematic. And anyway, the goal is to get everyone to learn to be in the same room...

Help for a Psycho Dog?

granted — Tue, 22 Aug 2006 20:46:19 -0800

Soooo, my sister's beloved dog is kind of psycho. Any tips to help lessen the crazy? His name is Sky, and he's a medium-sized American Eskimo/Sheltie mix. She adopted him from the pound three years ago, and since then they have lived in mutual adoration. He's the smartest dog I've ever encountered - kind of a foppish little fucker, but knows about a million tricks and is aware and alert enough that sometimes I forget he's a dog at all.

Let me emphasize that he looooooves my sister, and, to a lesser degree, everyone else in her circle. When anyone he loves comes home, he starts yipping and dancing and frolicking and yipping and yipping, which is endearing if you don't have to deal with it all the time, but seriously annoying if you do. Kirsten and her boyfriend (whom she lives with) have tried to calm these outbursts for years, to no avail - it's like a compulsion. Even when he finally stops, he still hiccups barks every couple seconds like he has Tourette's or something.

Which sort of segues into the actual psycho part. He's got a bit of an anger management problem. When my sister adopted him, he was a big furry depressed lump in the back of his cage who'd snap at anyone who came near him (when Kirsten said she wanted to meet him, the kennel attendant was all, "Uh-uh, I'm not getting that one out, he's gonna eat me!"). He instantly bonded with Kirsten and calmed down, obviously, but he still has aggression problems that have been getting worse lately. I'll hand it over to my sister here:

"He has always shown aggression towards strangers--- specifically, if he's on a leash and they reach down to pet him. Sometimes he'll even snarl when they're just talking to me in the elevator. He's never bitten anyone, but there has been teeth-knocking. I tell everyone who expresses interest in petting him that "he's protective" or "he's unpredictable".

"Over the last year or so, he's taken to growling at me a little bit. At first, only if I took a bone away, or tried to clip his nails-- somewhat understandable. But lately, he's almost incorrigible in some situations.

"If I'm about to drive somewhere and he jumps in the car, attempting to stow away, he will growl at me and even show his teeth when I try and get him out. (I have left him for over a month with family on three occasions, backpacking internationally, so he has a slight case of separation anxiety.) If he's under the bed (his den) and I try and reach in and touch his feet, or even call him out, he growls at me.

"Sometimes after a situation like this, he gets in this odd growly mood where every exhalation is a growl, and his eyes are really wide, and he will only calm down if I pet him and speak very sweetly, but I feel like this is rewarding his bad behavior. .

"In the beginning I may have encouraged it slightly (by laughing or fake-growling back) because I'm a moron and I thought it was funny because he loves me so much (he'll often growl AS WELL AS kissing me and nuzzling me as if to say "grrrrroowwwwll I'M SORRY I LOVE YOU grrrrrooowwwll").

I know about the "dog whisperer," I've taken a class on behavior modification, and I know the basics of dog training. But I want your perspectives, not Cesar Milan's."

So, there you have it. Dog drama! What to do?

What can I do with this dog?

knave — Tue, 28 Mar 2006 12:23:29 -0800

Aggressive dog problem... I adopted a dog (5-year-old male siberian husky, recently neutered) from a local SPCA shelter in December, and kept him for about two months.

Over the course of the two months, he would occasionally display dominant and aggressive behavior toward me. For example, he's on the bed and he knows he shouldn't be. I tell him to get down and he refuses (90% of the time he would get down immediately), instead staying planted and staring at me, challenging me to do something. If I reach for his collar or anything like that, he would growl and snap at me. The latest episode involved lots of growling and baring of teeth. I had to resort to having him wear a leash all the time, so I'd have something to grab him by and lead him to where I want him when he's behaving this way.

These incidents got more frequent over time. The behavior had basically scared me to the point where I don't want to keep him. I took him back to the shelter (I signed an agreement that said I would take him back there if I decided not to keep him). The shelter said they would euthanize him if no one will take him, and I told them to call me if it came to that. Three weeks have gone by, and she's called every husky rescue and shelter in a pretty large radius around here, no one will have him because of the aggression. They seemed to know that this is a trait in huskies that shows up occasionally, and when it does, there's nothing that can be done. My understanding is most shelters/rescues won't take such a dog in, because if they place him, they can get sued if he ends up biting someone.

I have seemingly two options. Take the dog back and deal with him as best I can, or allow them to euthanize. I would appreciate any advice you guys can offer. I don't want this dog, but I don't want to be the one responsible for his death.