I'm caring for my sick and declining wife, but my own anger issues have made me a terrible caregiver at times, let alone partner. We both love each other deeply, and want to spend our final years together, but if I can't stop making her miserable I have to go. I'm already pursuing therapy, have a psychiatrist, etc. I am not ashamed to seek help; the stakes are so high. I will be devastated if I have to walk away because I am a toxic presence, and so I'm determined to address my problems and be the husband she needs. I'm seeking ideas and advice on how to eliminate the bad so we can enjoy the good. More below... [more inside]
I'd like to convey as much wisdom/advice as possible to my kids before they become feral teenagers drenched in Axe and scorn. Please share the best lists/essays/articles you've ever seen on the theme of "Teaching Your Kids About ______". [more inside]
I recently switched to part time at work and moved back in with my parents so that I could attend grad school full time and I'm beginning to think that I made a horrible mistake. Would it be a terrible idea to leave school and try to figure out another direction? (details inside) [more inside]
Hi, I'm an Australian living in Asia temporarily. I've been looking for financial advice for my needs for a while, most of my cash is in a bank account in Australia and I figure I could do more with it than just have it sitting in a bank earning 3.5% interest (say for example around $30k ior so in the bank). [more inside]
Last October, I started a charity that since April I have won some good grants, grown over the last three months from 10 to 54 clients. Well enough, I am happy to continue working on it as a volunteer and board member. But, it doesn't need full-time employees. I have got some consulting work beginning in November. I would like to find a full-time job. Explaining "I did this, it is going well, now I need some money" is difficult. I am trying to find a non-profit or NGO career consultant in England or the EU to help sort this all out. Can you help?
Hello, Metafilter! Long time lurker (10 years), first time poster. To sum it up- after a failed stint as an AmeriCorps VISTA (6 months) following graduation from the University of South Carolina with a degree in International Studies and a minor in Economics- I have spent a year unemployed, a year as a bank teller, another year unemployed, and over a year as a server and a tax season as a tax pro at H&R block. I went back to school during the time as a server to get enough credits to sit for the CPA (one computer apps class away from obtaining accounting certificate at a local community college). Moved back to SC and spent from 07/12-06/13 as an Assistant Service Manager at a car dealership (hated it because A, I have asthma and missed a ton of work due to complications from working outside, B, I knew nothing about cars, and C, I am not a fan of Customer Service/commission pay). [more inside]
My dad paid for 200k worth of schooling for me, i got a BA in Economics from a good school, went on to do some independent film production, quit my job with my boss 6 months ago, finally saw the last film I helped produce premiere at TIFF, and I've been re-evaluating what I want to do with my life. (Currently 24.5 years old.) I want to join the Army and become a Ranger, like my uncle (who my dad despises) but I don't know how to go about telling my dad. [more inside]
I am fairly sure that the terms of my life insurance policy were unfairly changed during a merger. The policy was issued in NY, and I need help understanding what my rights are and what type of policy was substituted for the one I purchased. Does anyone know of a nonprofit, legal clinic, or other organization that can help me interpret and advise me on how to proceed with a dispute with a life insurance company? I have already contacted the State Department of Financial Services and they were not helpful. [more inside]
An old friend contacted me asking if I would be interested in financial advice from his sibling, who has recently started in the profession. I suspect that this sibling is a commission-based advisor earning money from a high-MER mutual fund provider through kickbacks. Should I confirm that and warn the friend, or let it be? [more inside]
My wife is from a large urban area and is missing that lifestyle. I am a hayseed. I have visited cities and enjoyed them, and enjoy urbanism as a field of interest and study... But what are some resources for this transition? Blogs, books, articles, I'm open to anything.
I am looking for some career advice regarding search techniques and information about non-traditional legal jobs that I may be overlooking. I am interested in international law, environmental law, administrative law, and trade and investment law. I have work experience in international law and have also lived and studied abroad. Prior to law school I worked in finance for four years (my undergraduate degree is in international finance), I am located in the Northeast, and I am awaiting results from the bar exam which I took this past July. [more inside]
An friend just got booted out of her home in Florida with an hour's notice by her boyfriend. She has no money, important possessions from small to large in the house, and pets. I advised her to call the police but beyond that I had no idea. Later I found the Florida Coalition Against Domestic Violence, and sent her the hotline number. But there must exist checklists or articles for this sort of situation, seeing as it happens so often in abusive relationships! [more inside]
How can I make life easier for a long distance friend who is expecting triplets? [more inside]
I married my wife this spring, and we're ready to get out of an apartment and into a house or townhouse. We're going to talk to some mortgage broker she found online today, and I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to do. I've printed out all the forms they've asked for, but I have no clue what questions I should be asking. Our communications with the guy we're seeing have been great and he seems helpful, but I'd love to hear your mortgage advice/stories. Also, if any Houstonians have specific recommendations I'd love to hear them as well. [more inside]
I'm searching for a therapist to help me deal with ongoing anxiety and insecurity issues. I came across someone who looks promising and practices ISTDP, which I had never heard of before. I did some googling and it looks legit, but wondered if any of you have any experience with this? thanks!
I have a birthday coming up soon (28 - which for some reason feels like a milestone to me) and have been spending some time thinking about some of the small epiphanies I've had in the last few years that have made my life infinitely better. Such as - it's ok to let go of friends who no longer bring anything positive into your life; you are not responsible for your mothers happiness; and it's OK if the person you are seriously dating and thinking about settling down with is very different from the person that you thought you'd be with. In fact, it might be a very good thing. All of this thinking has made me realize that 1) if I had known this a few years earlier I might have avoided some serious heartache and anxiety attacks and 2) that there are probably plenty more epiphanies that I haven't had yet. So, I'm asking you all wise and all knowing MeFiers - what is a life changing realization you wish you'd had sooner?
What are some options for a bright young man who wants to delay college? It can be volunteer-based, overseas, career ideas, special programs, alternate ideas of how to approach higher learning...anything. The main thing he wants is real-world experience outside of a classroom, something that will help him grow as a person and help him learn what he wants out of life. [more inside]
The new hire is making more than someone who has been there for years and is still doing most of the work. What should I tell my coworker so that she can negotiate a fair salary? [more inside]
I'm starting a new job as of next week in the Ville and my lease will be up in my current apartment as of the end of August. Need advice on where to look for houses for rent and also what there is to do -- specifically good bookstores, museums, movie theaters, other wacky stuff, etc. [more inside]
I haven't seen my wife in almost two years. We decided to separate in late 2011 after 5 years of marriage. It was totally amicable, we got married too young, etc etc. For many reasons, neither of us pursued a legal divorce. Largely it was a matter of cost- She's a PhD student, I'm a Grad student, neither of us had the $325 filing fee. We fell out of touch and it kind of kicked around the back of my head. This year, taxes rolled around and we realized that we needed to pursue the legal divorce. And then we sat on it some more until I finally got one of those DIY Divorce Books. So, great, I got all the forms from the state, filled them out, scraped together the filing fee and then froze. [more inside]
This is a sockpuppet because my main account has my real name. So this guy is part of a group of friends. I will continue to see him everywhere. This is not a huge town. We kinda hooked up a few months ago and he asked me out on a formal date and I got caught up in the grand gestures of flowers and chivalry and texting me sweet things (which if you look at my other posts about my last boyfriend, you can probably see why I fell for it all.) [more inside]
This one might be a doozy. So, I'm a 23 year old recent college grad ( this May) with a B.A. in psychology and no idea what to do with my life. ( Original, I know, but bear with me, it gets better.) Everyone around me seems to have what are at least well-outlined 5 year plans, oriented around either grad school or a great entry level job. Certain circumstances in my life though seem to leave me with a vision of the future that doesn't extend far beyond the living room couch and daytime TV for the next 10 years and that frightens me to no end. [more inside]
Not the happiest circumstances to bring a new child into this world. After years of supporting her husband, financially and emotionally, she's reached her limit. He's dealing with some addiction issues, and has become increasingly hostile with the birth of this baby. Maybe they'll work this out one day, but right now she doesn't feel safe, has filled her car with personal belongings and is staying with family. She left him a lengthy note, but does not want to talk to him in the next few days. This has been a long time coming, and while I don't imagine it will be a surprise—his family has actually encouraged her to do this—he won't react well. What sort of legal precautions should she begin taking? [more inside]
Not always attracted to Fiance. May break up, need some advice! [more inside]
Seeking advice for a two-week France adventure [more inside]
I wasn't selected for military officer training school. Help me design my Plan B/In the Meantime career while I apply again. [more inside]
As a mainly "used game" player, should I buy a PS3 now or wait for a PS4 and have to pay Sony's prices for back-compat streaming. Complicating factor: The Last of Us has released. [more inside]
I'm writing a letter to a wonderful graduate of the (high school) Class of 2013 on the occasion of her jumping off into that great abyss of adulthood. I'm hoping to include wisdom from random people on the internet (that would be you) about what you would tell your self if you could go back to the day that you graduated from high school so that I can include it in my letter. Travel back in that time machine, go to that shining day of your graduation and tell me what you would tell yourself, no matter how funny, sad, bizarre, etc.
This happens to me far too often when I've dated men, I hear the 'I like you as a friend' after a handful of dates far too often. Is there something I could be doing wrong? [more inside]
Fiancee admitted she took a crush too far. Again. Help us get past this. [more inside]
What general purpose signal wire connectors do you guys use? [more inside]
Huge misunderstanding with casual friend now an incredible mess. I don't know how to handle this so am turning to you for advice. I am honestly trying to keep it brief and still include relevant details. [more inside]
I really can't figure out what I want to do in my life. And it's scaring the crap out of me. At many times I really thought I knew what I wanted and then when I started working... I didn't, at all! I tried really hard to figure out what to do. I majored in political science, been involved in campaigns, and I thought I would just go to law school. But felt uneasy about the whole thing like it was just something I was supposed to do cause I would be good at it. So I decided to work a bit in a medical field, which was followed by living aboard for a few years. Now I'm dabbling in film and thinking about architecture. All amazing experiences but no closer to a conclusion. I feel super strongly about some careers and then realize I only feel strongly about those things because I admire the people in those fields and not necessarily the field itself. Does anyone have a similar story? Any conclusions? Can anyone help?
I've been an avid collector of tips, tricks, and approaches to solving problems. There are heuristics that I look for that ofthat can have real positive advantages and accelerated productivity for people. In the early, I read a book called How to Win Friends and influence People, a classic of interpersonal management, and found that the advice to "become genuinely interested in other people" worked nearly instantly to improve my relationships with others. Still, other approaches have worekd as well. I used to play little league baseball and couldn't hit for the life of me until someimagine that there was a speck on the ball being pitched to me and to try and hit that speck and not the whole ball itself. The effect was instantatneous as well. [more inside]
Although a relatively straight forward question, I feel the need to preface it with a quick bit of background information. I have previously camped with a a well-trained chocolate lab/german shepard, family dog for well over a decade. Now, camping with my own, gentle giant / mini horse. [more inside]
How to explain in a concise way why I'm not interested in dating anyone now and anytime soon? [more inside]
I received a document today giving me notice of some kind of court action, because I am a News Corporation stockholder. I have no idea what any of it means, or whether there are any implications I need to take into account. Can anyone shed any light? [more inside]
Hopping off the good advice spread here, I'd like a guide to navigating my next decade in general as me and my kids enter their tweens and middle school to high school.
Which dishwasher should I pick? [more inside]
I have a history of romantic involvements that usually never get past three or four months (with a single exception that went on for 3.5 years). This didn't used to bother me so much, but it's now starting to make me ridiculously sad. I'm 30. How can I learn to hold someone's interest in me and/or choose better? Sorry for the book below, and thanks for any suggestions. [more inside]
I had a phone interview last week that I thought I bombed. But, apparently I did good enough to land an in-person interview on Thursday. I'd like some advice on where in between "Fake it till you make it" and "lay your cards on the table" I should be. Details inside. [more inside]
I will be giving a newly minted 9-year-old gentleman of my acquaintance a wallet for his birthday. I was thinking of printing and laminating a card full of important reference information for a young man of his age. Sort of an ultra condensed Schott's Original Miscellany. What should I put on it?
Is it worth changing careers, getting a masters in CS? [more inside]
I've been asked to invent a mock communications campaign for a non-profit organization based around their primary cause. There's just one problem: I've never done that before. Like, I literally don't understand what a communications campaign is in a tangible "this is what you put on paper" way. [more inside]
I wanted to go into academia but I don't have the balls. Now I'm at the cusp of graduation and unsure of what my options are. I'll be finishing up my undergrad at the end of the month barring any unfortunate surprises. I will graduate with a fairly high GPA (although nothing too special) from McGill with a bachelors in Biology. I've always loved the idea of academia, but for the last year I've been reading articles that practically plead for me to stay away. My past considerations have focused around research, but med school and bio/biotech industry have also crossed my mind. There's also a whole world outside of science that I've never really considered. I've dabbled in graphic design in high school. It was really fun, but I always figured that I would make a better academic. I'd imagine most jobs I'd be interested in would involve reading/learning, information analysis, and stuff like that. I think I'm fairly well versed at communication, both written and spoken, but probably rusty in both in non-academic contexts. Honestly I do care about money. I expect to work hard, and I expect to be paid well for what I do. I'd also like to be paid for my expertise, not just for 'doing things.' [more inside]
*It* hurts at the end. I already seen two different doctors (GPs) twice each, but don't feel like I am getting answer I need. I'm looking for suggestions for what I should ask/tell my doctor in a couple days. YANMD, etc. Details follow. [more inside]
I have a $70 Macy’s X-mas gift card in my pocket regifted to me. What is the proper etiquette in a dysfunctional family fighting over money with this one asking me to give it back to the original recipient to give it to another family member? I already know to give up the gift card and walk away but do I make mention of the issue and how it upsets me? I cringe using the term , “Indian giving”? Is there a less offensive word used today to describe taking a gift back? Please, no grief about the term. I understand the problem with it. [more inside]
I know you are not my lawyer. I have a Kafkaesque situation invovling the cops. [more inside]
I know where I want to live. I'm trying to decide what career I want to pursue. And I want to bring my boyfriend along with me. Nothing is certain and I want to know whether I should be taking big risks at this point. And I need to pick a focus. [more inside]
I'm a 34-year-old man, married for six months to my 33-year-old wife. Everything is perfect right now, but I realize that things can change. Life happens. Obviously, I want it to stay as happy as possible for as long as we're together. So what I'd like are tips on how to maintain it from the female point of view. If you have a number of years of successful marriage under your belt, what has your husband done right all this time? [more inside]