I'm searching for a therapist to help me deal with ongoing anxiety and insecurity issues. I came across someone who looks promising and practices ISTDP, which I had never heard of before. I did some googling and it looks legit, but wondered if any of you have any experience with this? thanks!
I have a birthday coming up soon (28 - which for some reason feels like a milestone to me) and have been spending some time thinking about some of the small epiphanies I've had in the last few years that have made my life infinitely better. Such as - it's ok to let go of friends who no longer bring anything positive into your life; you are not responsible for your mothers happiness; and it's OK if the person you are seriously dating and thinking about settling down with is very different from the person that you thought you'd be with. In fact, it might be a very good thing. All of this thinking has made me realize that 1) if I had known this a few years earlier I might have avoided some serious heartache and anxiety attacks and 2) that there are probably plenty more epiphanies that I haven't had yet. So, I'm asking you all wise and all knowing MeFiers - what is a life changing realization you wish you'd had sooner?
What are some options for a bright young man who wants to delay college? It can be volunteer-based, overseas, career ideas, special programs, alternate ideas of how to approach higher learning...anything. The main thing he wants is real-world experience outside of a classroom, something that will help him grow as a person and help him learn what he wants out of life. [more inside]
The new hire is making more than someone who has been there for years and is still doing most of the work. What should I tell my coworker so that she can negotiate a fair salary? [more inside]
I'm starting a new job as of next week in the Ville and my lease will be up in my current apartment as of the end of August. Need advice on where to look for houses for rent and also what there is to do -- specifically good bookstores, museums, movie theaters, other wacky stuff, etc. [more inside]
I haven't seen my wife in almost two years. We decided to separate in late 2011 after 5 years of marriage. It was totally amicable, we got married too young, etc etc. For many reasons, neither of us pursued a legal divorce. Largely it was a matter of cost- She's a PhD student, I'm a Grad student, neither of us had the $325 filing fee. We fell out of touch and it kind of kicked around the back of my head. This year, taxes rolled around and we realized that we needed to pursue the legal divorce. And then we sat on it some more until I finally got one of those DIY Divorce Books. So, great, I got all the forms from the state, filled them out, scraped together the filing fee and then froze. [more inside]
This is a sockpuppet because my main account has my real name. So this guy is part of a group of friends. I will continue to see him everywhere. This is not a huge town. We kinda hooked up a few months ago and he asked me out on a formal date and I got caught up in the grand gestures of flowers and chivalry and texting me sweet things (which if you look at my other posts about my last boyfriend, you can probably see why I fell for it all.) [more inside]
This one might be a doozy. So, I'm a 23 year old recent college grad ( this May) with a B.A. in psychology and no idea what to do with my life. ( Original, I know, but bear with me, it gets better.) Everyone around me seems to have what are at least well-outlined 5 year plans, oriented around either grad school or a great entry level job. Certain circumstances in my life though seem to leave me with a vision of the future that doesn't extend far beyond the living room couch and daytime TV for the next 10 years and that frightens me to no end. [more inside]
Not the happiest circumstances to bring a new child into this world. After years of supporting her husband, financially and emotionally, she's reached her limit. He's dealing with some addiction issues, and has become increasingly hostile with the birth of this baby. Maybe they'll work this out one day, but right now she doesn't feel safe, has filled her car with personal belongings and is staying with family. She left him a lengthy note, but does not want to talk to him in the next few days. This has been a long time coming, and while I don't imagine it will be a surprise—his family has actually encouraged her to do this—he won't react well. What sort of legal precautions should she begin taking? [more inside]
Not always attracted to Fiance. May break up, need some advice! [more inside]
Seeking advice for a two-week France adventure [more inside]
I wasn't selected for military officer training school. Help me design my Plan B/In the Meantime career while I apply again. [more inside]
As a mainly "used game" player, should I buy a PS3 now or wait for a PS4 and have to pay Sony's prices for back-compat streaming. Complicating factor: The Last of Us has released. [more inside]
I'm writing a letter to a wonderful graduate of the (high school) Class of 2013 on the occasion of her jumping off into that great abyss of adulthood. I'm hoping to include wisdom from random people on the internet (that would be you) about what you would tell your self if you could go back to the day that you graduated from high school so that I can include it in my letter. Travel back in that time machine, go to that shining day of your graduation and tell me what you would tell yourself, no matter how funny, sad, bizarre, etc.
This happens to me far too often when I've dated men, I hear the 'I like you as a friend' after a handful of dates far too often. Is there something I could be doing wrong? [more inside]
Fiancee admitted she took a crush too far. Again. Help us get past this. [more inside]
What general purpose signal wire connectors do you guys use? [more inside]
Huge misunderstanding with casual friend now an incredible mess. I don't know how to handle this so am turning to you for advice. I am honestly trying to keep it brief and still include relevant details. [more inside]
I really can't figure out what I want to do in my life. And it's scaring the crap out of me. At many times I really thought I knew what I wanted and then when I started working... I didn't, at all! I tried really hard to figure out what to do. I majored in political science, been involved in campaigns, and I thought I would just go to law school. But felt uneasy about the whole thing like it was just something I was supposed to do cause I would be good at it. So I decided to work a bit in a medical field, which was followed by living aboard for a few years. Now I'm dabbling in film and thinking about architecture. All amazing experiences but no closer to a conclusion. I feel super strongly about some careers and then realize I only feel strongly about those things because I admire the people in those fields and not necessarily the field itself. Does anyone have a similar story? Any conclusions? Can anyone help?
I've been an avid collector of tips, tricks, and approaches to solving problems. There are heuristics that I look for that ofthat can have real positive advantages and accelerated productivity for people. In the early, I read a book called How to Win Friends and influence People, a classic of interpersonal management, and found that the advice to "become genuinely interested in other people" worked nearly instantly to improve my relationships with others. Still, other approaches have worekd as well. I used to play little league baseball and couldn't hit for the life of me until someimagine that there was a speck on the ball being pitched to me and to try and hit that speck and not the whole ball itself. The effect was instantatneous as well. [more inside]
Although a relatively straight forward question, I feel the need to preface it with a quick bit of background information. I have previously camped with a a well-trained chocolate lab/german shepard, family dog for well over a decade. Now, camping with my own, gentle giant / mini horse. [more inside]
How to explain in a concise way why I'm not interested in dating anyone now and anytime soon? [more inside]
I received a document today giving me notice of some kind of court action, because I am a News Corporation stockholder. I have no idea what any of it means, or whether there are any implications I need to take into account. Can anyone shed any light? [more inside]
Hopping off the good advice spread here, I'd like a guide to navigating my next decade in general as me and my kids enter their tweens and middle school to high school.
Which dishwasher should I pick? [more inside]
I have a history of romantic involvements that usually never get past three or four months (with a single exception that went on for 3.5 years). This didn't used to bother me so much, but it's now starting to make me ridiculously sad. I'm 30. How can I learn to hold someone's interest in me and/or choose better? Sorry for the book below, and thanks for any suggestions. [more inside]
I had a phone interview last week that I thought I bombed. But, apparently I did good enough to land an in-person interview on Thursday. I'd like some advice on where in between "Fake it till you make it" and "lay your cards on the table" I should be. Details inside. [more inside]
I will be giving a newly minted 9-year-old gentleman of my acquaintance a wallet for his birthday. I was thinking of printing and laminating a card full of important reference information for a young man of his age. Sort of an ultra condensed Schott's Original Miscellany. What should I put on it?
Is it worth changing careers, getting a masters in CS? [more inside]
I've been asked to invent a mock communications campaign for a non-profit organization based around their primary cause. There's just one problem: I've never done that before. Like, I literally don't understand what a communications campaign is in a tangible "this is what you put on paper" way. [more inside]
I wanted to go into academia but I don't have the balls. Now I'm at the cusp of graduation and unsure of what my options are. I'll be finishing up my undergrad at the end of the month barring any unfortunate surprises. I will graduate with a fairly high GPA (although nothing too special) from McGill with a bachelors in Biology. I've always loved the idea of academia, but for the last year I've been reading articles that practically plead for me to stay away. My past considerations have focused around research, but med school and bio/biotech industry have also crossed my mind. There's also a whole world outside of science that I've never really considered. I've dabbled in graphic design in high school. It was really fun, but I always figured that I would make a better academic. I'd imagine most jobs I'd be interested in would involve reading/learning, information analysis, and stuff like that. I think I'm fairly well versed at communication, both written and spoken, but probably rusty in both in non-academic contexts. Honestly I do care about money. I expect to work hard, and I expect to be paid well for what I do. I'd also like to be paid for my expertise, not just for 'doing things.' [more inside]
*It* hurts at the end. I already seen two different doctors (GPs) twice each, but don't feel like I am getting answer I need. I'm looking for suggestions for what I should ask/tell my doctor in a couple days. YANMD, etc. Details follow. [more inside]
I have a $70 Macy’s X-mas gift card in my pocket regifted to me. What is the proper etiquette in a dysfunctional family fighting over money with this one asking me to give it back to the original recipient to give it to another family member? I already know to give up the gift card and walk away but do I make mention of the issue and how it upsets me? I cringe using the term , “Indian giving”? Is there a less offensive word used today to describe taking a gift back? Please, no grief about the term. I understand the problem with it. [more inside]
I know you are not my lawyer. I have a Kafkaesque situation invovling the cops. [more inside]
I know where I want to live. I'm trying to decide what career I want to pursue. And I want to bring my boyfriend along with me. Nothing is certain and I want to know whether I should be taking big risks at this point. And I need to pick a focus. [more inside]
I'm a 34-year-old man, married for six months to my 33-year-old wife. Everything is perfect right now, but I realize that things can change. Life happens. Obviously, I want it to stay as happy as possible for as long as we're together. So what I'd like are tips on how to maintain it from the female point of view. If you have a number of years of successful marriage under your belt, what has your husband done right all this time? [more inside]
It doesn't have to 100% match the sentiment, but I'd love if it has the same general lesson (and is more concise than the following): "An idea that you keep in your head, incessantly perfecting, is worth nothing. Whereas the person who is willing to actually act on an idea, even if it's imperfect, has accomplished something. So instead of getting hung up on perfection, just DO something and learn from it for the next time." I'm kind of looking for what, say, Diablo Cody would say to her hipster haters who have never finished a screenplay. Or what you'd tell your friend who wants to be a writer but has been tinkering with their novel for the last 200 years. Oh, and I know about "perfect is the enemy of the good."
I recently accepted an offer for a spot in a full time MPP program from a very decent, non-Ivy school. My funding (per an assistantship or researcher position) reduces the total tuition to approximately $3000, and the program provides an allowance for an unpaid or poorly paid summer internship. I have enough money saved to avoid going into debt if I work part time. I want to offset the opportunity costs of two years outside of work by making myself as employable as possible. [more inside]
So I need some sound advice. I think I was harassed a number of months ago at a local YMCA by another member. I decided to file this complaint internally, and now I'm worried I'm being stonewalled. Normally I would let something like this slide, but I've decided to take up this cause because I think it's the honorable thing to do. If only because I am inspired by the anti-bullying movement. Do I have legal options? Can somebody with any experience or strength with this sort of thing help me figure out what exactly happened to me, and share what they did in a similar situation? Details within. [more inside]
Starting in mid-April, I'll be taking a 9-12 month leave of absence from my job to travel the world. I spent a year back in 2002 travelling Europe and living in Ukraine/Russia, but I was 20 then, and did it on very little money. A lot's changed since then - technology, my age, my funds - but I'm ready for another run. Over the next month or two, I plan to ask a variety of questions, seeking tips on specific issues. But my first question is broad: what do I need to consider? What should I be thinking about now? What should I plan for? More details and my thoughts inside... [more inside]
I have a close friend who works as a php programmer who is interested in mentoring me. I have good reason to think that web development is the sort of work that I'd be good at. But is it really a smart move to devote time to learning these skills at this time? Is the market for web developers expected to be strong in the near future, or is it starting to wane? [more inside]
Is the dietary advice the doctor gives the captain to help his hemorrhoids in the novel Captain Corelli's Mandolin good advice in the real world for this condition? [more inside]
My brother and I would like to buy a four-bedroom house, furnish it, have him live in one room and rent the other three rooms. Neither of us have any experience with real estate, renting rooms, or being in business with one another. We're looking for advice as to how to fairly structure this investment, advisers we should consult, issues that we need to consider up front, and so on. More details inside... [more inside]
I've been divorced for several years now. My ex-wife and I get along amicably. I am single and she has been involved in an LTR since the divorce became official. Everything's fine, everyone's happy. Our kids are thriving.My ex-wife's birthday is in three weeks and up until now I've been the one to coordinate helping the kids get her something for her birthday. It occurred to me that it's probably time for the New Guy to take this over, right? They're not engaged, he still has his own place, but he does spend a lot of time there in your standard domestic situations. I have no problem discussing this with my ex, I'm just looking for a sanity-check on this idea before I bring it up. Am I missing something? Is this even a good idea? (For the record, I am single and she will probably be responsible for my birthdays (vis-a-vis the kids) for the forseeable future.)
We all have one in our life. They come to us, over and over again, with a particular problem or quandary. Yet they don't seem to want to address the problem. Trying to be helpful, we offer suggestions or ideas, each of which is shot down. The process repeats itself again and again, you feeling more frustrated each time. Surely there must be a better way.
Can you think of any good sources of information on Polish daily eating habits, dietary trends, frequently used ingredients and dishes etc.? Bonus question: how much overlap is there with other Eastern European countries? [more inside]
I had an anchovy freak-out a few months ago, and really want to give this 'superfood' a new chance. Please help! [more inside]
Career advice for young couple in their 30's: What is their best path forward? [more inside]
I’m considering ending my relationship. Should I give him another chance to make changes? of course it's long [more inside]
I need advice about the possibility living in Northern Alaska, Kotzebue/Nome/north of the 65th parallel. I have about a million logistical questions, a little disorganized, including questions about mental health problems, medications, getting specialist care. If you needed medical care on a regular basis several hundred miles away, how did you arrange that? Lots of other questions about living in the arctic! Help! [more inside]