Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with advice

I consider myself married to my work

chrono_rabbit — Fri, 17 May 2013 12:10:22 -0800

How to explain in a concise way why I'm not interested in dating anyone now and anytime soon? Lately, I'm noticed I've gotten some pressure from family, acquaintances, and friends about my single status. I've never thought much about it, but I'd prefer to have a ready response where I'd explain in a clear way that I am NOT interested. I know most of the comments were not serious, but I find them annoying over time especially since I've explained myself before.

Basically, I'm in my early 20s but I've never been in a relationship before, but I get odd backhanded comments how I should be looking for a BF from others. I had gotten these comments before back when I was in highschool but I always had the option of being "too young." Apparently, this stops working when I turned 20.

I devote most of my time to my studies, commuting, and my other interests which vary from reading books to art. Most days I feel tired from classes and I could do without the added pressure of being asked this.

I'm the kind of person, who is easily obsessed with X topic where I spent hours researching all kinds of useless knowledge related to it. I also have similar approach to liking people, in that I'll be interested X person for a few days or week and then completely forget about it when I move on. I can't think of a relationship, where this would be a good idea.

Any advice to discourage questions about my lack of a relationship would helpful. I keep hoping that someday people will understand me. Thank you.

*The quote is from Sherlock BBC from the dinner scene, where I completely relate to Sherlock's answer.

What are the implications of a Notice of Pendency of Derivative Action?

infinitejones — Mon, 13 May 2013 04:22:47 -0800

I received a document today giving me notice of some kind of court action, because I am a News Corporation stockholder. I have no idea what any of it means, or whether there are any implications I need to take into account. Can anyone shed any light? I have a few thousand dollars' worth of News Corp stock (Class B, in case that's relevant). I live in Australia, I'm an Australian tax payer, and I bought the stock on the Australian stock market through an Australian broker.

I received a document in the post today, and the top third of the first page says:

In the Court of Chancery in the State of Delaware
In re News Corporation Shareholder Derivative Litigation
Notice of Pendency of Derivative Action, Proposed Settlement of Derivative Action, Settlement Hearing, and Right to Appear

Then there's about a dozen pages of dense text. I've tried going through it but my eyes glaze over after about four lines, which is why I never became a lawyer.

None of you are my lawyer, my stockbroker, my financial adviser or my tax accountant, but can anyone give me a summary of what's going on, and whether there are likely to be any implications I should take into account that might impact on things like the value of my stock?

What, me forty?

tilde — Fri, 10 May 2013 07:21:40 -0800

Hopping off the good advice spread here, I'd like a guide to navigating my next decade in general as me and my kids enter their tweens and middle school to high school.

Help me buy a new dishwasher!

grak88 — Sun, 05 May 2013 18:45:05 -0800

Which dishwasher should I pick? My old Frigidaire dishwasher is on its last legs. I did a search online and Consumer Reports says Bosch is the way to go? But then I read some not so great reviews either. Can anyone recommend a good brand/model that they use and are happy with?

Any other tips? I read you should avoid the ones with hidden buttons on the top of the door because they're prone to breaking down because they're too close tot the water and heat.

Looking for something in the $600 range. Thanks!

I have no idea how to get past the honeymoon period. It's killing me.

oogenesis — Thu, 02 May 2013 19:55:31 -0800

I have a history of romantic involvements that usually never get past three or four months (with a single exception that went on for 3.5 years). This didn't used to bother me so much, but it's now starting to make me ridiculously sad. I'm 30. How can I learn to hold someone's interest in me and/or choose better? Sorry for the book below, and thanks for any suggestions. I'm not even sure where to start, but here goes...

I'm a woman.

Here's the good:
I've been told I'm very pretty.
I have a steady job in a career I love.
I'm fairly geeky about a great many things: fashion, music, physics, film, astronomy, cooking, embroidery, costuming, Linux, language and linguistics, graphic design, sci-fi, animation of all kinds, Japanese and British things...I could keep going, but I'll stop there.
I like to dress well.
I have a steady job in a career I love.
I love sharing things with people, and I love when people share with me.
I don't think I have nothing to offer anyone, and I know I have a lot of love to give. I just can't seem to find anyone who wants it.

The bad:
I don't always find it easy to make friends or keep them. I do have close friends (mostly from college or high school), but none of them are local.
My work makes it difficult to meet people. I'm a cook, and sometimes I have NO energy after a shift. I also don't have much in common with my co-workers.
I can be painfully shy (which cycles. At my happiest, I'm not. Right now, I'm afraid to approach anyone else for fear of scaring them off eventually. I'm still trying to, though). I have struggled my entire life with depression, and I used to withdraw from others at my lowest, because people seem threatened by sadness. Recently I've taken Marilyn Monroe's advice: 'If you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best.'
I'm not the world's best housekeeper, though I'm working on it.

The ugly:
I get hit on OFTEN, but not by people I would want to date. I keep attracting (not saying yes to) married or poly guys, workaholics, alcoholics, and OLD guys who like 'em young (I still look barely legal). The kinds of people I'm attracted to (other creative people, other geeks, mixes of the two) don't usually give me a second glance unless I speak up. There really aren't that many black geeks period, and I suspect I'm just not on some people's radar...so I usually have to make the first move. For a person who is already shy at times, this is scary as all hell.

The constant rejection would be easier to cope with if it weren't for the fact that people often fall head over heels in love with me. It's not just mild interest, it's DROOLING, GIBBERING MADNESS. I think I end up embodying the Manic Pixie Dream Girl archetype for some people: I'm...kinda quirky and I seem really different to what they're used to. A few weeks later, they're done. They sober up, walk away, and I'm left sweeping up the pieces. Sometimes I know why:

One guy (1.5 mo) thought I was too 'fully realized as a person'.

Another, a love-at-first-sight situation on both our parts (4 mo), wanted someone to heal his childhood pain. He didn't care what shape this mythical pink unicorn took (though I didn't find this out until months after he suddenly fell out of love with me, didn't tell me for another month, and THEN dumped me). This was the happiest relationship I've ever been in; he is also the ONLY person I've ever been with who told me that he loved me. Ugh.

Yet another (5 mo) thought I would cheat on her because I am open to poly relationships, just under certain tightly-defined circumstances. And like the above guy, she never discussed her concerns with me before dumping me.

The only LTR I've had was with a guy who was attracted to me sexually for 8 months. We were together for 3.5 years. That's a long time to go without sex WITHIN a relationship, and I don't even have a strong need for it (I love sex. Don't get me wrong. I just...don't need it like most people seem to. My desire could be described as reactive; if I'm not in a relationship, I can go without for years). At a year in, I was approaching pon farr levels of horny. Why didn't I leave sooner? I lived with him, and I was so depressed over what was going on in my life at the time (abusive mother stalking me; inability to find work after graduation; uncertainty that I could be happy in a relationship) that I was paralyzed. Why didn't he leave? He wanted to help, and though he never said it, I felt that he loved me. He stood by me until he couldn't take it anymore.

Then there's all the people I've met that I turned down after one, two or three dates for various reasons: shared interests, but very dull; too much of a homebody; too argumentative; too tied up in a career to legitimately make room for someone else; too in love with the sound of his own voice, etc.

To be fair, I've managed to avoid abusive relationships. I look for people who would make great friends and who represent a healthy mix of (stereotypically) masculine and feminine traits (I am a genderqueer tomboy and a bit of a gearhead myself). I'm close friends with three of my exes. I know what I'd like in a partner: an intellectual equal; a friend; someone who is fairly active and likes to go OUT and DO fun things every so often; an equal partner in every sense of the word. I don't want to be dominated; I don't want to dominate anyone. I want to understand, and I want to be understood. (For this reason, situations in which lovers don't speak the same language make absolutely no sense to me. I get frustrated by having to define every third word I use in conversation. I can't tolerate that with a potential partner, though I don't have this expectation of friends) Is this too much to ask? Am I being too picky?

I have no problem expressing my love for people, despite having had the sort of horrible upbringing that often leaves people unable to show affection; but I'm not sure how to make someone feel 'needed', since I've been alone for so long that I've had to be self-sufficient. My 'need' for someone develops with time and my love for them.

I can't find anyone I really like who wants to stick around. I feel like no one will ever want me for very long unless I'm not interested in them, which doesn't make me want to keep trying. The idea of lasting love seems, at best, a lottery and at worst, a cruel joke to me. It's starting to make me near-suicidal at this point...I know that's silly...but I'm not sure what to do about it.

Interview advice

rebent — Mon, 29 Apr 2013 12:27:47 -0800

I had a phone interview last week that I thought I bombed. But, apparently I did good enough to land an in-person interview on Thursday. I'd like some advice on where in between "Fake it till you make it" and "lay your cards on the table" I should be. Details inside. The job is listed as an entry level position creating, managing, and delivering training. However, it pays (i am guessing here based on the interview) $70,000, requires 5 years of experience, and is all about leadership training.

I got a master's degree from the same school as many of the people working at this company last year, which gives me a grand total of 3 years fudged, or 1.5 years steady experience. I think the experience I had was phenomenal and very applicable (I worked in a leadership training department) but I didn't learn enough from it to do anything on my own. I guess what I'm saying is that, while I'm very capable and skilled and knowledgeable of theory, I still have a lot to learn in terms of hands-on skills.

I also am not an expert with regards to leadership or sales, which is the focus of this department.

In the phone interview, they asked a lot of questions that seemed pretty specific, like they had a correct answer in mind, but I could only speak to theory and generalities. For instance, a question along the lines of "What is your process for creating learning objectives?" to which my answer was along the lines of "I'd probably ask someone for help."

During this section, I got a strong feeling from the interviewers that they were just going through the motions because they didn't think I had the skills they were looking for. I can't put my finger on what it was, but i suppose they answered my questions somewhat abruptly, didn't ask may follow-up questions, and didn't ask me to clarify my answers much. (It is possible that I was just imagining this based on my own self-assessment.)

Finally, one of the things I focused on pretty strongly during the phone interview (and was very nervous about afterwards) was that I understood the realities of business and how what a trainer thinks is the right answer isn't always what the other business people want from them, and that it's the training department's job to work for the company, not to try to dictate "the right way" to do things. I honestly have no idea if this helped or hurt my standings.

I don't have much experience interviewing for things that are a challenge for me. My past jobs have usually been completely in line with my qualifications, and I left the interviews feeling confident. This situation is different and I am panicking, and would greatly appreciate your advice.

I have always been told "fake it till you make it" because I am much more judgmental of myself than anyone else ever could be; it's my job to show the best of myself, and it's the company's job to decide if my best is good enough.

On the other hand, I feel that they must realize how inexperienced I am, and that if I act like I have experience when I really don't, they will think I'm fake and bragging and selling myself as better than I am. I want to open the interview by saying "Listen, based on the questions you asked, I think it's pretty clear to everyone that I won't be coming into the position with the ability to immediately start churning out leadership training. By asking me here to interview, I think it shows that you are not looking for that type of candidate. So, let's talk about what about me you find attractive, and we can come to a joint decision about whether I am right for this role."

But I'm super scared that i will say that and they will say "well actually, you misread us completely. We did think you had the skills, but based on what you just said, now we're not sure."

I know that no one can give me the perfect answer because none of you (I hope!) are familiar with the job/department in question. But I hope that some of you with more experience than myself can help me think through this more clearly, and help me find a distinct brand to present during the interview.

Thanks in advanced!

Talk to me programmers!

nel — Fri, 12 Apr 2013 10:19:56 -0800

Is it worth changing careers, getting a masters in CS? I received a BS in mechanical engineering from a decent state school. I currently work as a mechanical engineer at a small capital equipment company, making about $60k a year. I've been at said company full-time for about 2 years. It was my first job out of college. I've always been into computers, and I've done a decent amount of programming at my current job (mainly PLC and HMI programming), which I find to be fun and interesting. I've been fantasizing about going into software development, but I have some questions about it.

Is it worth getting a masters in computer science? If so, is it worth paying for a degree at a higher ranking school if I can even get into one? I have a pretty good record: 3.9 GPA, undergraduate research experience, 3 years work experience including 2 internships I did in college. I took the GRE without really studying and scored 500 verbal, 730 math, which I think is fairly average for engineering students. I think degrees in ME/CS would be an interesting combination, but I also still have $20k in loan debt to pay off from undergrad.

OR should I just hack it and start programming for fun in my free time and try to develop a portfolio? All the programming I do now I learned on the job. I've read that a lot of programmers don't have degrees in the subject. Would I get paid a lot less (vs. my current job and vs. degree'd people) starting out without a degree?

If you're in the industry, do you like it? Do you find it to be flexible in general (work hours, can easily switch jobs, work from home, etc.)? Do you think it's more profitable in the current climate to start a business that offers software products/solutions instead of hardware?

Tell me just what a communications campaign is exactly.

pinetree — Sun, 07 Apr 2013 06:03:35 -0800

I've been asked to invent a mock communications campaign for a non-profit organization based around their primary cause. There's just one problem: I've never done that before. Like, I literally don't understand what a communications campaign is in a tangible "this is what you put on paper" way. I'm supposed to identify messages, timeline, key audiences, plus vehicles and strategies to reach the target audiences. Finally, I'm supposed to say how I'd measure the campaign's success. The whole thing is only supposed to be a couple of pages.

Given my work background in communications and marketing, I think I have a decent grasp on the various parts I just listed above, but I still feel really intimidated. I'm worried I would approach this mock campaign in a style that won't adhere to some sort of standard format.

To clarify, I'm not asking for MeFites to tell me ideas for what I should include in the campaign. I have plenty of ideas, but I've never ever been asked to "write" a communications campaign before and I feel like I'm in over my head.

I'm looking just for examples of a communications campaign in this particular format described in the first paragraph. Are there industry websites or blogs out there I should look at? Is there a book I should borrow from the library? I'm honestly stumped about where I'm supposed to turn to get a clear picture of what my finished product is supposed to look like.

I'd greatly appreciate answers from anyone in the Hive Mind who does this sort of thing for a living.

Thanks so much in advance.

Undergrad's over... what now?

Strass — Sat, 06 Apr 2013 13:45:49 -0800

I wanted to go into academia but I don't have the balls. Now I'm at the cusp of graduation and unsure of what my options are. I'll be finishing up my undergrad at the end of the month barring any unfortunate surprises. I will graduate with a fairly high GPA (although nothing too special) from McGill with a bachelors in Biology. I've always loved the idea of academia, but for the last year I've been reading articles that practically plead for me to stay away. My past considerations have focused around research, but med school and bio/biotech industry have also crossed my mind. There's also a whole world outside of science that I've never really considered. I've dabbled in graphic design in high school. It was really fun, but I always figured that I would make a better academic. I'd imagine most jobs I'd be interested in would involve reading/learning, information analysis, and stuff like that. I think I'm fairly well versed at communication, both written and spoken, but probably rusty in both in non-academic contexts. Honestly I do care about money. I expect to work hard, and I expect to be paid well for what I do. I'd also like to be paid for my expertise, not just for 'doing things.' Med school is appealing because I'll get to help people in a more direct manner than academic research, plus the money is probably the best I could expect make in any field (on the other hand, the money is a lot of work). Industry involves science and research, but I'd also be working for the man, man and I don't know what private research entails. Besides those options I'm completely blindsighted. MD/PhD sounds great, theoretically, but I'm not sure it's any better than either the MD or the PhD.

So far my only job experience has been in academic labs (plus a restaurant or two and a graphic design firm before university), I am going to hit 20 months (12 of which are full-time) of lab experience before I leave McGill. I've enjoyed my time in lab, but the chances of me reaching my goal of tenured professor seem terrifyingly slim. I'm willing to put the work into a PhD, but only if I feel more confident about where it will leave me career-wise. My (current) research interests include general molecular biology (I love learning about all the pieces in the molecular puzzle of a biological function), epidemiology, virology, oncology, and pharmacology.

So now I am feeling pretty lost. I know that I enjoy science, that I love learning, and that I'm fairly good at school. But I'm not sure what to do with this knowledge. I'd love to hear your thoughts, comments, and possibly condolences. I'm freaking out a little and would love some guidance from those more experienced!

Just the tip?

princeoftheair — Wed, 03 Apr 2013 21:28:16 -0800

*It* hurts at the end. I already seen two different doctors (GPs) twice each, but don't feel like I am getting answer I need. I'm looking for suggestions for what I should ask/tell my doctor in a couple days. YANMD, etc. Details follow. The last few months have been incredibly stressful and I've been dealing with bouts of anxiety. I was feeling pretty tired and nauseous, then 2.5 weeks ago after skiing for a day, there was pain at the end of my penis (the tip and about a centimeter down the urethra) on the bus ride home. I went to the doctor and he said it sounded like a bladder infection. After a week of antibiotics, the fatigue and nausea were gone, and the pain had diminished. However, on the second visit, when the doctor looked at my urinalysis and urine culture, he said there was no sign of infection and had no idea why I was hurting, but that it would last for several weeks and I should come back if there was more pain.
I immediately went to a second doctor for another opinion and told him the story. He thought it might be a prostate problem and gave me some meds for that. A couple days later the pain got intense again and I went back to the Dr. 2, but he just told me I was too stressed out and sent me away.
That was a week ago. I have a followup appointment in a couple days. Yesterday the pain came back strongly, though not as strong as before so I would like to think I am getting better gradually. But, I would still like a better answer than, "I don't know, just relax." So, is there anything I can ask my doctor or say that might help speed along my recovery?

Some other details:
Most of the time there's a little pain, but it's negligible, sometimes none at all
There have been three instances where the pain was pretty intense, each about 5-6 days apart and it lasts a few hours
The intense moments are after sitting all day (on the bus, afternoon at work)
Standing and walking helps a bit
There's no discoloration, swelling, sores, etc.
The pain doesn't seem to be triggered by anything in particular (urination doesn't seem to matter) it just appears, usually in the afternoon (almost at the same time)
Yes, I practice safe sex but understand there are always risks

Again, it's getting better (it seems) but slowly. If there's something I can tell Dr. 2 that won't make him think I am a hypochondriac and maybe get me on the right medication, it would be appreciated. Thank you.

Re (indian, gulp) giving relatives. Petty response or assertive?

Che boludo! — Mon, 01 Apr 2013 19:27:23 -0800

I have a $70 Macy’s X-mas gift card in my pocket regifted to me. What is the proper etiquette in a dysfunctional family fighting over money with this one asking me to give it back to the original recipient to give it to another family member? I already know to give up the gift card and walk away but do I make mention of the issue and how it upsets me? I cringe using the term , “Indian giving”? Is there a less offensive word used today to describe taking a gift back? Please, no grief about the term. I understand the problem with it. OK, details. Grandma is in a home and has a weird overly emotionally enmeshed relationship with her youngest son who hasn’t worked in 15 years due to a back injury and honestly feels pretty entitled to her money. She has supported him over all this time and done nothing to discourage him from letting her support him.

Grandma. She’s 85 in a home and going down slow. It is beyond the power of attorney transfer point and her home is being sold. The vultures are circling and tensions regarding her estate are high.

Oldest son, my father. Successful and owns his own business.

Second oldest, successful independent business woman.

Third in the birth order, my aunt. She works part time and her husband hasn’t worked in 5 years. Money is a pretty regular concern of hers.

Last my uncle, truly the coddled, spoiled child of the family. I feel awful but kind of a loser to be frank. Could work but refuses to do much because of his back issues. We call him The Dude because well, he’s The Dude. Almost all the other siblings resent the funds she supports him with and he truly feels entitled to her monies and expects it.

3rd birth order bought baby boy youngest 70 dollars worth of clothes at Macy’s. Baby boy lost weight and the clothes didn’t fit which he resented. She said return them and get something that fit. He hates the mall and had to fly home without room in his luggage for the clothes. He gave them to me to return and told me to get something nice for me. I offered to send him the gift card for the returned merchandise and he has refused it on several occasions. I returned the goods and couldn’t find something I wanted at the time due to being short on time when I went to the mall. As I am not a fan of the mall I’ve held the card in my wallet intending to go back and buy a belt one of these days.

So this week she asked what I bought with the card. I told her nothing, I was going to buy a belt but haven’t had the time. She expressed her anger with my uncle for being such a brat about the gift in the first place which he truly was. I told her I had the card in my pocket and she could have it if she really wanted it. I felt uncomfortable. She said, no, keep it, use it. I went to her house last night and had a lovely dinner however baby boy and her had words about the gift.

This morning she calls me and asks that I give the card back to my baby boy uncle so he can buy a wedding gift for her daughter. Apparently my uncle spent $150 on a wedding gift for her first born’s wedding 3 years ago, but recently for the youngest daughter’s wedding a few months ago spent nothing as his siblings have cut back his use of his mother’s funds.

I have to admit, I’m a little annoyed. I’m a little short on income and have meant to buy a new belt with the card but I hate the mall and haven’t bought it. I’m going to give it to my uncle to do with it what he wishes. I have always thought the proceeding generations relationship with their parents money to be somewhat unhealthy and here I am getting sucked into it over $70. Actually, I’m very annoyed. I’m annoyed at the regifting of money that wasn’t hers in the first place. I’m annoyed that she is essentially Indian giving her mother’s gift to my uncle, who gave it to me, only to regift it to her daughter. There’s a whole lot of levels of re-Indian gifting here.

I normally don’t have a problem stating my position and being assertive, frequently a little too assertive. Obviously, the family story goes much deeper. I’ve done the whole therapy thing and understand the family dynamics but have been through nothing like the previous generation. My regifting aunt is a big fan of assertiveness and establishing boundaries due to all her therapy and work regarding the family. I’m giving the card to my uncle and going to walk away. I DO NOT, DO NOT, want to be part of this families twisted relationship with money, manipulativeness, and diffuse boundaries. As I walk away do I need to be somewhat constructively assertive and explain my frustration or just let it lie. I feel upset and a little manipulated, losing something financially gifted to me once by my uncle, a second time by her two days ago when she said keep it, and being put into a tough spot in the families dysfunction. I’m frustrated that she’s determining what my uncle should do with his gift which he gave away, especially because it’s going to ultimately benefit her daughter and not the original recipient of the gift, my uncle. It’s all a little twisted, no? There are some personal principles of mine being disturbed like a gift is a gift, a promise is to be kept.

As she isn’t walking all over my boundaries on a regular schedule do I need to demonstrate my point of view and how I feel a little manipulated or just let it go? I feel a little petty about this and know that any protest, no matter how well made or reasonable will be poorly received and I will be accused of being petty. It is mine. It has been gifted to my uncle, to me, and again confirmed by auntie as mine.

I want to say something like, “I don’t like this. I feel uncomfortable and please don’t involve me in anything financially related to your family again up to and including future gifts of a financial matter. This would include birthday gifts of $25. Thank you.” I would do this through email as I am not interested in any discussion beyond making my point.

This is also a woman who has on more than one occasion tried to convert me to her religion and took several polite no’s before I had to get a little more direct than even I normally prefer to get her to back off.

So what do I do with maximum tact? How do I do it with maximum tact?

Detective Says I'm A Witness, But Won't Say To What?

Anonymous — Mon, 01 Apr 2013 12:17:32 -0800

I know you are not my lawyer. I have a Kafkaesque situation invovling the cops. This evening there was a knock on my door from a police officer (call him Officer Bob) from the city in which I live. S/he said that he had just been requested by Detective Something in a different local city to call Officer Something, and that Officer Bob didn't know what it was in regards to. Officer Bob wrote down Officer Something's last name, direct line, and the local city precint Something was in, then leaves.

I call the number for officer Something, and get voicemail. The full name of Officer Something is given, and the name checks out. I leave a message saying my full name, my cell, and that I haven't been to other Local City in ages, but I'd be happy to assist. I leave my cell phone downstairs and go upstairs to watch tv. I return around midnight to find I'd missed a call from Officer Something & s/he left a message. S/he says that instead of playing phone tag, I am asked to report to the Local City station, because there were some questions they wanted to ask me, and asked me to come after a certain afternoon time on Wednesday (two days from now).

ON a hunch, I call the main line back, get transferred to Something and get them. THey say that I need to be asked a few questions as a witness. When I ask "to something that happened in Local City" all they say is yes, and elaborate no further, only that I must be asked in person, at the precinct. I tell the truth-- I has classes that day and may have to stay late for a project, and will be super busy, so if I can make it, I won't even know until that day.

I have a healthy skeptcism of the police, yes, but more importantly, I am being asked to come in, but details are very vague. I am a witness supposdly but have been served no suppose and further details were not given. I have done some reading and have seen lots of lawyers and even former cops say that just going in and talking to a cop can be bad, even if I've done nothing wrong. I can think of nothing I've witnessed that came even close to a crime. It was very weird for Officer Bob to randomly show up on a Sunday evening saying only that s/he'd rec'd a request from Officer Someone in Local City to contact me and home and give me Officer Something's contact info, and stranger still that i be asked to come down to a precint as a witness and be told that I can't be further details. But there has been no supoena given to me. Even though there's supposedly no rush and Something wants to talk to me two days from now.

I have heard horror stories of completely innocent folks going in for these questionings across the country and between nerves, desire to please, etc, somehow implcating themselves. I can think of nothing I have done that is illegal. I see places advising me to get a lawyer before going in to talk to anyone.

I can't afford a lawyer, and until/unless I am charged with something, the state can't assign one for me I don't think. I live in central NJ. I don't know what to do and am tied up in knots. I already have an anxiety disorder and my nervers are jangling off the charts. I cannot afford an attorney at all for any prelim anything. I am confused and don't know what to do pr what's going on and I can't get more explanations from the detective. Help!

When is relocation a good idea?

winterportage — Fri, 29 Mar 2013 11:43:40 -0800

I know where I want to live. I'm trying to decide what career I want to pursue. And I want to bring my boyfriend along with me. Nothing is certain and I want to know whether I should be taking big risks at this point. And I need to pick a focus. I turned 25 a couple weeks ago. I can’t decide whether I’m in a panic over my future, or not taking it seriously enough. I have a few ideas of what I’d like to do, but I can’t help but feel like I might be floundering in delusions. I have a bachelor’s degree in classical piano and liberal arts. I am teaching lessons part time while I look for another temp job ( my last one ended two weeks ago, on my birthday actually). I have been working since the age of 16 in different places like retail, a museum and an arts theatre (ticket sales and usher), a summer program for youth, a national sports competition, canvasser for a human rights org., and a trade association related to the arts (admin assistant). I feel as though I’ve had many interesting job experiences but no focus or goal to work toward. It's probably better not to continue in such a fashion, right?

I’m currently living with my boyfriend in a city nearby to my hometown. I have a fondness for this city, but don’t see it as my final destination, and have had my eyes on a bigger city 2 hours away for a while now. The city I want to live in has great culture, affordable apartments, a really good transit system, and is big enough to be considered as a world class city. If I have a child, I would want to raise them in that city. My boyfriend knows that my dream is to live there, and he says he is willing to move with me. He is from another part of the country though ( we're in Canada), and doesn’t have any connections in this other city. I don't know if it would be a wise move for him, professionally, but he doesn't seem to really know what he wants at the moment besides being involved in his political party.

The problem with me figuring this move out is that I haven’t figured my career out either. I miss school a lot, and since I don’t have a lot of debt, I think going back to school is a good option for me. My grades are above average but not top notch. While I think grad school is an invaluable experience for many people, I don’t really think it’s a good idea for me unless it serves a particular professional goal.

Here are the options I am currently considering.

• Pursue writing/communications/journalism. Something I’ve only begun to think about recently, despite being a liberal arts major. At my last job, I got to do promotional articles for the website and really enjoyed it. I relished in the opportunity to make a mark. My plan in this case would be to get a day job to pay the rent while I pursue (unpaid or paid) writing opportunities in my off time. ( I realize that even getting a day job is hard nowadays).

• Focus on Piano: Get a day job and use that money to pay for weekly lessons. Begin practicing seriously once again instead of 2-3 times a week. Leave other musical projects behind. Continue teaching part-time and plan performances. I wouldn’t have any end goal here except that I feel complete when I study piano seriously.

• Nurse: go back to college and begin studying to become a nurse. Complete change of direction, but one that would train me for meaningful work in a field where jobs are available ( I live in Canada). I would have to prepare myself for long hours and emotionally difficult work. However, I would feel like a useful member of society and would know that I was doing important work. I have a tiny bit of experience in home care for a physically disabled person and I think Caring for Others is something I would be good at. Possibly do another university degree in this once I finish the college one.

• Aim to find work in non-profits. Either hone my skills as an administrative assistant and get in that way, or go back to school to study accounting or something useful that would make them want to hire me. Then I would get to work in an organization with idealistic goals.

So basically, what I want to know is:
Is it a bad idea to move to another city before I figure out my career?
Or, will it be easier to make a career decision once I am living where I want to be?
Second, how do I go about moving to another city? Do I find an apartment first, or a job?

Third, : Should my boyfriend have to do this? Is this asking too much of him? He is 30 now, highly educated but underemployed. He says that if I can help him find a job there, he will move with me. I don't know exactly how i would do that, but I'm sure it's not impossible.

Breaking up with him doesn’t seem like an option right now. He makes me happy and treats me like a queen, and I love him. It seems like it would be better to stick together and support each other while we both figure out our goals. However, I know that my eventual destination is not in this city. So I have to make a decision, the sooner the better.

Married women - give a newlywed man your best marriage advice

fso — Thu, 21 Mar 2013 17:05:45 -0800

I'm a 34-year-old man, married for six months to my 33-year-old wife. Everything is perfect right now, but I realize that things can change. Life happens. Obviously, I want it to stay as happy as possible for as long as we're together. So what I'd like are tips on how to maintain it from the female point of view. If you have a number of years of successful marriage under your belt, what has your husband done right all this time? To give you a sense of where my wife and I are at: We've been together for two years. We have a strong, mature, respectful marriage. We're crazy happy and in love and it's disgusting. We got married because of love, nothing more. Neither of us was searching out a marriage partner and we were both content to remain unmarried unless we found the perfect partner, so we 're quite fortunate. We have the same job, so professionally there doesn't seem to be any potential for trouble. We love our jobs, but we're both of the mind that it's just a paycheque and neither of us wants it to become all-consuming. And most importantly, neither of us wants kids. On that point, I know that things can change and we're both open to the possibility of one of us changing our mind in a few years and if that happens we've agreed to be completely honest about it. But for now, we like spending our money on ourselves and sleeping in on weekends. We don't have any money problems (our only debt is our mortgage, and it's very much under control) and to the extent that we ever fight, it's always about something stupid and minor and we always make up.

So things are all excellent and happy and blissful and blah blah blah. But I know that things change. So please, hit me with ways that I can ensure that this marriage stays as strong as possible for as many years as possible.

Is there a good quote or idiom for this sentiment?

Anonymousness — Sun, 10 Mar 2013 18:47:55 -0800

It doesn't have to 100% match the sentiment, but I'd love if it has the same general lesson (and is more concise than the following): "An idea that you keep in your head, incessantly perfecting, is worth nothing. Whereas the person who is willing to actually act on an idea, even if it's imperfect, has accomplished something. So instead of getting hung up on perfection, just DO something and learn from it for the next time." I'm kind of looking for what, say, Diablo Cody would say to her hipster haters who have never finished a screenplay. Or what you'd tell your friend who wants to be a writer but has been tinkering with their novel for the last 200 years. Oh, and I know about "perfect is the enemy of the good."

Making the Most of a Full-time MPP Program

pinterecki — Sun, 10 Mar 2013 13:04:09 -0800

I recently accepted an offer for a spot in a full time MPP program from a very decent, non-Ivy school. My funding (per an assistantship or researcher position) reduces the total tuition to approximately $3000, and the program provides an allowance for an unpaid or poorly paid summer internship. I have enough money saved to avoid going into debt if I work part time. I want to offset the opportunity costs of two years outside of work by making myself as employable as possible. I do not have a stipend to cover costs of living, but I have sufficient savings to graduate without going into debt and a good chance of getting a relevant part time job as a project coordinator with a nearby nonprofit due to past professional experiences and networking. I'm currently looking for additional scholarships and finding very few geared towards MPPs (any advice would be appreciated).

I'm 27. My undergraduate major was English and my GPA was 3.2, which explains why I did not get a full ride and (I think) why it would not be a good idea to hold off in the hopes of a better offer. I spent a year teaching English in Korea and decided that it provided little in the way of stimulation or career prospects, so I left it with the knowledge that I could always come back to it.

I started working as an entry level payment analyst for a decent company. The pay (28K per year, not including overtime) urged me to apply for other jobs within the company and outside of it, but the results were negligible (a few interviews and a lot of no-responses). I started to take community college classes in statistics and economics using our company's tuition reimbursement plan, and also began volunteering with several community ESL groups as a process coordinator and program manager.

I did this to improve myself first, to further my career prospects second, and to help the community third. I wanted to emphasize that order because, although I'm very interested in programs and institutions slated to advance the standards of living for a wide demographic, I think it's also important to portray myself as a person interested in personal and professional advancement if I'm going to get useful answers.

I've researched the positions which interest me, but I'm not limiting myself to them because of what I assume will be intense competition for employment and the likelihood that I will encounter additional organizations fulfilling similar purposes. The MPP program is three hours outside of D.C., which is probably where I would like to end up, and makes trips to the city on Fridays for lectures, policy seminars and networking. With that said, the following employers appeal to me; with the exceptions of SIGTARP, specific NGOs and specific non-profits, my program has placed its graduates into jobs within these organizations:

U.S. Department of State: Office of Weapons Removal and Abatement or FSO (Economics Cone)
GAO
SIGTARP
The World Bank
Think Tanks focusing on anti-corruption measures (please suggest some)
Watchdog Groups focusing on anti-corruption measures (please suggest some)
The Open Society Institute or one of its associated programs (please suggest more)
Transparency International Secretariat or one of its associated programs (please suggest more)
The Mines Advisory Group or one of its associated programs (please suggest more)
Danish Church Aid, Amnesty International, and organizations like them (please suggest more)
D.C. Based Consulting Firms

As you can see, I'm shooting for the moon. Wait until you see my personal and academic goals below. At present, my primary goal is to narrow my focus and minimize my risk through advice from the community. With that said, please help me plan my academic and professional schedules so that

I will be able to:

1.Graduate near the top of my class with publications in hand
2.Network effectively to ensure interviews, internships, and job prospects
3.Select relevant courses emphasizing hard skills (statistics and statistics software, econometrics, modeling)
4.Continue to develop soft skills (leadership, program management, process coordination)

and I'd also like to:

1.Begin a mutual fund, money-market, or otherwise useful investment to complement my IRA
2.Learn to code in a useful language
3.Take a 3 sequence Calculus series, Linear Algebra, and Real Analysis classes (or something similar to improve the chances of a.) acceptance to MSc programs for Statistics or b.) passing actuarial exams.)
4.Earn a PMI or Six Sigma certification

and it would be nice to:

1.Improve my Flamenco
2.Advance from intermediate Spanish to working fluency and pick up another language
3.Continue to train for triathlons and MMA
4.Eat a lot of Indian and Thai food.

Still reading? Here are the minimum elective courses I would like to take aside from the required core module (please offer advice to round out potential gaps in skills):

1.Cross Section Econometrics.
2.Time Series Econometrics.
3.International Trade: Theory and Policy.
4.Forecasting Methods and Applications
5.International Trade Law
6.Operations Research: Deterministic Models
7.Operations Research: Stochastic Models

Final word: I've been thinking about this program for a long time, and I'm trying to do my best to prepare myself for a quantitative focus by re-learning calculus before matriculating. If you have any advice as to which additional community college courses I should take in the summer interim between now and starting the program (and the summer interim during my internship), I'm all ears. Please keep in mind that I'll be working full time.

It's difficult not to see this program as a second chance for a shot at a stable, stimulating career that pays more than $50k per year. Because of this, I worry that I may be avoiding acknowledgement of the opportunity costs incurred by enrolling- I'd like to hear that side of the argument as well.

Thanks in advance,

pintereski

Help me out. I think I've been harassed and I don't know what to do.

Anonymous — Fri, 01 Mar 2013 17:20:17 -0800

So I need some sound advice. I think I was harassed a number of months ago at a local YMCA by another member. I decided to file this complaint internally, and now I'm worried I'm being stonewalled. Normally I would let something like this slide, but I've decided to take up this cause because I think it's the honorable thing to do. If only because I am inspired by the anti-bullying movement. Do I have legal options? Can somebody with any experience or strength with this sort of thing help me figure out what exactly happened to me, and share what they did in a similar situation? Details within. To make a very long story short, the YMCA is a Christian-based community gym with an extensive child care program. One of the clearly posted rules at the YMCA is that you are not allowed to curse. One day, a group of older men were playing basketball and a hard foul was committed. One of the players laid out a string of epithets at maximum volume that lasted for several minutes. Now, I'm not a meddler by any means, but this guy's behavior was outrageous. I decided to confront the YMCA staffer who was supposedly monitoring the game, and asked him why he was allowing this to happen, when it clearly wasn't supposed to. He shrugged his shoulders..

I was at that time approached by an older man who asked me if I wished to file a complaint and told me he was a member of the board at the YMCA. Thinking he wished to help me, I said of course I want to file a complaint, to which he responded more elaborately, "Do you want to file a complaint? I'm a member of the board and have been a member here for 30 years. How long have you been a member here?" This stopped me in my tracks..

I asked the gentleman for his name, which surprisingly he gave me, and began to walk away. At this point the man started yelling, "What is your name?" over and over again, as if to further intimidate me. He then began pulling at my shirt multiple times, trying to get me to turn around. He then tried to physically confront me in the hallway. At which point I told him to "back off me" and he was thankfully restrained by one of the staffers. I went straight to the member office and cancelled my membership..

What has since happened. I decided to file an internal complaint with the Y, and one of the things they told me is that the member was not in fact a member of the board. He falsely represented himself. They also told me that because he was only a member, they would provide him with a warning, that they were profusely sorry for what had happened, and offered me a free month of membership to come back. They told me they would follow up with me, and they have not. They also told me that there is not much more they can tell as far as internal proceedings go. This has been par for the course. I've been more than understanding throughout this process, and now I'm fed up..

I am unsatisfied with the conclusion of this matter and would like to know if I have any other recourse, whether it be pursuing some type of action against the YMCA, or directly against the member in question. In a few words, big picture here is, I find the offer to give me a month of free membership insulting, I would like a formal apology from the Y - for reasons I have not gone into here, namely, knowing about this type of behavior for a long time and doing nothing about it - and I'd like this member who pulled rank on me to get more than a slap on the wrist. Frankly, if this were anyone but me that this happened to, I'd want that person gone.

I would also like to ask members of this community if you think I have been harassed. If it matters, this happened about 6 months ago and still has not been resolved. If you need to contact me directly, throwaway is ymca.throwaway@gmail.com. If you took the time to read this, thanks, I really appreciate it..

Plan a Trip Around the World!

traveltheworld — Mon, 25 Feb 2013 19:59:25 -0800

Starting in mid-April, I'll be taking a 9-12 month leave of absence from my job to travel the world. I spent a year back in 2002 travelling Europe and living in Ukraine/Russia, but I was 20 then, and did it on very little money. A lot's changed since then - technology, my age, my funds - but I'm ready for another run. Over the next month or two, I plan to ask a variety of questions, seeking tips on specific issues. But my first question is broad: what do I need to consider? What should I be thinking about now? What should I plan for? More details and my thoughts inside... I'm a U.S. citizen, 30 years old, male, great job, overweight but otherwise pristine health, have a lot of money saved up, budgeting up to $100k USD for the trip though hope to spend substantially less. I'd like to hit South America, the South Pacific, Australia/New Zealand, China, Mongolia, Nepal, India, Jordan, Turkey and Africa (and perhaps some of the former Soviet republics if time permits, though I also like travelling slow and staying in places for extended periods of time). Those are the main regions of the world I haven't visited that I'd like to see. My preference would be to only tentatively plan the outline of the trip without buying all plane tickets up front, preserving flexibility, but I'm not wedded to that if it would be significantly cheaper to plan at least the major plane travel up front. I plan to travel light, with just a backpack as I did when I was 20, but don't plan to bring camping gear. I plan to store all my possessions while I'm gone, and not maintain an apartment - I'll use either my office or my parents' home as my address.

What I'd like to know is what I should be thinking about that I'm not. Here are questions I am considering - feel free to answer them here, but I'm really just throwing out what I'm already considering - the main point here is to figure out what I'm not considering that I should be:

(a) Insurance coverage - my job can't provide me insurance coverage while I'm on a leave of absence. I plan to buy high-deductible coverage from a company like GeoBlue, one of the expat coverages that provides coverage both in and out of the US (I may have to come back a few times during my trip for work or weddings). It looks like this will be about $200-$300 per month for $10,000 deductible coverage. Does that seem reasonable? Should I be looking at something else?

(b) Technology - I have a basic Canon dSLR camera with a few nice lenses that I use here; I don't think I want to take that with me, though I love photography; I just think it would be too bulky. Similarly, I have a Thinkpad Ultrabook and a full-sized iPad, and use a Droid RAZR Maxx for a phone. I'd like to condense the technology I take down as much as possible. I think I'll need to take a laptop for intermitent work, but perhaps I could make do with an ipad and keyboard. I currently read magazines and books on both my iPad and phone. I'd like a phone that I can use while I travel by swapping out SIM cards - I think that the Droid RAZR Maxx works for that, and I currently read a lot on my phone, so would be happy to continue to use it. But am I missing options? What's the best/cheapest way to maintain a link with the world for limited work, a travelling e-reader (I read a lot and am thrilled to not need to carry physical books any longer) and a useful camera? I also have an original kindle with the worldwide data connection - maybe that's worth bringing? But I really want to avoid bringing anything more than I need.

(c) Plane Tickets - plane tickets, particularly the continent hopping ones, will be an expensive component of the trip. Is it better to buy a round-the-world ticket up front? Or better to preserve flexibility?

(d) When to go where - given the spots I'd like to hit, what order should I go in? I'm thinking start in South America, move to the South Pacific and Australia/New Zealand toward the end of June/early July, then China in early August, Nepal and India in September/October, then Jordan, Turkey, Egypt and Southern Africa toward the end of the year, early 2014. But I'm still considering it. I don't love extreme heats, and am trying to avoid being anywhere in peak tourist season - I like shoulder seasons.

(e) Where to stay - when I was 20 I stayed in hostels; that's still my inclination since they're cheap, but I worry that a 30 year old will be a bit out of place. True? I'm pretty laid back and can sleep anywhere, so I'm mainly worried about perceptions and whether I'll feel welcome. I'd like to spend as little as possible on lodging, and spend most on experiences. I also always enjoyed meeting people at hostels, and ended up travelling with the people I met on multiple occassions for short periods of time.

(f) What to pack - I think I've got this down, though realize I'll have to acquire and discard things as I go depending on the weather. Any reason I should bring camping gear? I did do a good amount of backpacking/hiking about 5 years ago and still have all the equipment - but would prefer to minimize what I'm carrrying unless there's a huge advantage to having the supplies where I'm going.

(g) Visas - of the places I mentioned, I realize I'll need visas to vist some of them and will make sure to arrange those in advance.

(h) Medicine - I'll get my vaccinations updated in advance, and get some antibacterials and anti-malarials to take along with me in case of need.

(i) Storage - I'm going to rent a storage place near where I live and store most of my possessions, though will try to sell some in advance.

Anything else I should be considering that I'm not? Sorry for the long question, and thanks in advance for any advice!

P.S. - I saw this question and the answers are coming in very handy already: link. But it's somewhat different in focus; I'm really just trying to make sure I'm thinking of everything I should be thinking about here.

Does the world need another web developer?

MrOlenCanter — Mon, 25 Feb 2013 00:41:56 -0800

I have a close friend who works as a php programmer who is interested in mentoring me. I have good reason to think that web development is the sort of work that I'd be good at. But is it really a smart move to devote time to learning these skills at this time? Is the market for web developers expected to be strong in the near future, or is it starting to wane? This friend guided me along as I taught myself some html and css a year or two back, and he said I was picking up on it really quickly, and that my coding was very clean to boot, so I do believe that web development would be the sort of work that I'm well suited for. However, I hesitate to devote myself seriously to the study of it because my intuition tells me that I've missed the peak of when these sorts of skills were most valuable. There does seem to be an awful lot of job openings for web developers out there, but will those openings still be there a few years from now? Perhaps I'm projecting my own feelings here, but I keep thinking that folks are going to start getting disenchanted with the internet any day now, and that being able to program a web page is not going to be very valuable much longer.

What do you all think? Do you think the market for web developers is strong? Do you think it will stay strong in the near future? Does a self-taught web developer stand much of a chance of finding steady employment a few years from now? Is the internet still growing and thriving, or is it about to be tossed aside in favor of the next big thing?

BONUS QUESTION: What is the next big thing? What are the skills that are going to be most valuable a few years from now?

a powerful antidote to love

bluefly — Wed, 20 Feb 2013 13:03:31 -0800

Is the dietary advice the doctor gives the captain to help his hemorrhoids in the novel Captain Corelli's Mandolin good advice in the real world for this condition? The doctor's advice:

'The answer to your problem is to eat a lot of onions, tomatoes, parsley, basil, oregano, and garlic. The garlic will be an antiseptic for the fissures, and the other things, taken together, will soften the stools. It is very important not to strain at all, and if you eat meat, it must always be accompanied by a great deal of fluid and a sideplate of vegetables.'

The part about eating vegetables and lots of fluids makes sense. In particular, I'm curious the about the advice with the onions, tomatoes, parsley, basil, oregano, and garlic.

Dipping Our Toes Into Real Estate

slide — Tue, 12 Feb 2013 21:04:22 -0800

My brother and I would like to buy a four-bedroom house, furnish it, have him live in one room and rent the other three rooms. Neither of us have any experience with real estate, renting rooms, or being in business with one another. We're looking for advice as to how to fairly structure this investment, advisers we should consult, issues that we need to consider up front, and so on. More details inside... I'm not entirely sure which details are relevant, so I may include too much or too little. I live in New York, my brother lives in the Phoenix area. The house to be purchased would be in the suburbs of Phoenix. I have money, excellent credit, and a high-paying job - particularly by Arizona standards. My contemplated contribution would be mainly the down-payment and my credit. My brother has some money, decent credit, and a low-paying, though solid job. His contemplated contribution would be getting the tenants, collecting the rent, doing the actual work to furnish the place, perhaps paying rent himself on his room, perhaps contributing some money up front, and handling any ongoing maintenance, etc. In the area where we wish to buy, a reasonable 4-bedroom house would go for around $170-200k, then we'd need to furnish it, and rent out the 3 other rooms.

The main reason we think this investment makes sense is that my brother very reasonably believes he has the means to consistently rent out each of the rooms for about $350 per month (he already has the first set of tenants lined up if we go forward with this). For purposes of this question, please assume that's the case. The rentals would likely be short term - 3 months is probably the commitment we could get from each individual, though many people would stay longer on a month to month basis, and if one person moves out there are a host of others that will be ready to move in soon thereafter. Again, please assume that's the case.

Also, I can readily afford this investment and readily afford to lose it all - my brother is far more important to me than $200k and so even if I somehow lost that amount our relationship would be fine. We want to do this together as a team, think it would be a good experience, and get along very well and are both quite practically minded. My thought is to put up around $50k-$70k in cash for the down-payment, fees and furnishing and for a fund for repairs/maintenance, but I could do up to the full purchase price without issue if that makes more sense from a financial perspective, or put up less.

If we can work this out for one house, we might do this for another one or two houses as well after the first house is up and running.

With all those details in mind, my many questions are:

(1) How should we think about structuring this so that the investment is one we are both making and that we are both getting a fair return? I'll be putting up the downpayment and the money for furnishing the place, but he'll be doing all the work to find tenants/collect rent/etc. Unless there are tax or other reasons not to do it, we'd both like to be on the mortgage and both end up owning a share of the house. I'm really having a lot of trouble even thinking how best to structure this - I don't want to get the better deal, just something that is fair and leaves us both invested in this property. Would it make sense to form some sort of formal business arrangement (LLC, etc) and have that buy the house? Can't imagine mortgage companies would like that as much, assuming we go the mortgage route.

(2) What advisers should we be consulting? Broker? Real estate attorney? Tax attorney? Any book recommendations to get us more up to speed on buying/renting?

(3) We'd like to make sure however this is structured we get all the tax benefits available. I currently rent and neither of us own a place. From some quick research online, it appears that if we rent most of the house we wouldn't qualify for a mortgage interest deduction against regular income, but could deduct the mortgage interest as an expense against any rental income, etc. Is that right? Is this something a broker would know or do we need an accountant/tax attorney? Am I right that a mortgage makes sense here instead of paying the full purchase price upfront?

(4) Are there any legal issues with renting 3 bedrooms out of a four bedroom house in a residential neighborhood? Would this be governed by the HOA agreement? Any state/city laws? Or is this always going to be legal?

(5) Will we have to outline our plans for this house to a bank when we seek a mortgage? Or if I know I can get approved for a mortgage to buy myself a house quite readily, can we just present my and his information (income, savings, etc.) and get a regular mortgage without disclosing any additional details?

(6) What else should we be considering? What other issues may arise that we should be prepared for?

Thanks in advance for any advice/thoughts!

Who should be responsible for my ex-wife's birthday gift?

Setec Astronomy — Fri, 08 Feb 2013 11:10:01 -0800

I've been divorced for several years now. My ex-wife and I get along amicably. I am single and she has been involved in an LTR since the divorce became official. Everything's fine, everyone's happy. Our kids are thriving.My ex-wife's birthday is in three weeks and up until now I've been the one to coordinate helping the kids get her something for her birthday. It occurred to me that it's probably time for the New Guy to take this over, right? They're not engaged, he still has his own place, but he does spend a lot of time there in your standard domestic situations. I have no problem discussing this with my ex, I'm just looking for a sanity-check on this idea before I bring it up. Am I missing something? Is this even a good idea? (For the record, I am single and she will probably be responsible for my birthdays (vis-a-vis the kids) for the forseeable future.)

Proven techniques for reponding to the Help Rejecting Complainer?

mintchip — Mon, 04 Feb 2013 21:07:21 -0800

We all have one in our life. They come to us, over and over again, with a particular problem or quandary. Yet they don't seem to want to address the problem. Trying to be helpful, we offer suggestions or ideas, each of which is shot down. The process repeats itself again and again, you feeling more frustrated each time. Surely there must be a better way.

How can I find out more about what Polish people eat?

sively — Tue, 22 Jan 2013 09:31:17 -0800

Can you think of any good sources of information on Polish daily eating habits, dietary trends, frequently used ingredients and dishes etc.? Bonus question: how much overlap is there with other Eastern European countries? My current employer - a Dutch hospital - is looking for ways to give better, culturally acceptable dietary advice to our Polish patients.

Basically we need to learn what, how and when the Poles eat (and don't eat) so that we don't just blindly push Dutch recommendations, or fail to recognize potential problems. The daily work is often hampered by a language barrier, hence my quest for background info.

Articles etc. in Polish are also welcome, as online translations seem to turn out legible enough.

Extra point for any specifically diabetes related information (e.g. what would a Polish dietician recommend to patients with diabetes, or advice them to avoid).

TIA

Newbie Anchovy Advice

Draccy — Sat, 19 Jan 2013 08:19:35 -0800

I had an anchovy freak-out a few months ago, and really want to give this 'superfood' a new chance. Please help! I've heard so much about anchovy and a few months ago tried adding it to salad. I enjoyed it sometimes, but once ate a bone and was freaked out. Are anchovy supposed to have bone when you buy it in a can? Are we supposed to eat it? I'm also looking for advice on how to prepare it to bring for lunch to work. thanks in advance for your advice! I did see this previous post, but I felt it wasn't really geared towards a newbie: http://ask.metafilter.com/35140/Anchovy-Anchovy-the-Flower-of-Fish

Thanks!