Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with advice

Breast Lift post-op advice

ConnieL — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 11:10:54 -0800

Breast lift surgery complications... what should I do? I had breast lift surgery last April, and I'm still experiencing pain and discomfort in my breasts. On one side the scar under the breast is 2 inches wide. I don't think that's typical, but my surgeon won't give me a straight answer.
I was under anethesia for 6 hours during the surgery (had liposuction to the upper arms as well).. and woke up vomiting severely for about 20 minutes. I think the sutures tore during that episode and that's why the scars are so wide and healing really slowly (one side still has a small weak spot that scabs over). They must have given me something to bring me out of anithesia because I could not sleep at all the night of the surgery and had some bleeding onto the pillows, even tho I was taking strong pain meds. Does this all sound typical to anyone?
I know I will have to live with the atypical scars, but I wonder how long the soreness and nipple sensitivity will last..... I cannot sleep without breast support, and still have small lesions (like small subcutaniuos boils) appearing occasionally at the incision line around the nipples. Not as bad as at first. I think they were originally related to the Kelocoat ointment that the surgeon recommended to reduce the scars (stopping the Kelocoat reduced the frequency of these eruptions). Seems to have made the scarring worse because of the eruptions.
I've looked for information on similiar outcomes on the web but found nothing. Fortunately the breast tissue is pink and healthy, and there is no numbness.

I've accidentally been leading a friend on.

brenton — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 01:59:47 -0800

Help me clean up a complicated friend-triangle before it becomes a messy love-triangle. Ok, context: three classmates (John, Jane and Jannet) at my grad school and I have become very close this semester. The four of us hang out almost every day.

The problem is that Jannet thinks that she and I have a thing going. I guess you could say I have been leading her on... but it's more complicated than that.

I actually like Jane a lot, but Jane likes John (who likes her, but may not be entirely serious about it). So the result is that Jane, who doesn't want to lead me on, has sort of been avoiding me and being close to John when the four of us hang out, which leaves Jannet and I together all the time. Like whenever we sit down, John is on the end next to Jane, then Jannet, then I. It's just the social dynamic of the group leaves Jannet and I paired. Since the four of us spend hours together every day, it has been looking like Jannet and I are "an item" and I was oblivious to it until recently. It seems I am always the last one to know about these sort of things.

I dearly love all three of these people in the most platonic sense, crushes aside. I don't want things to become weird, but I don't want Jannet to be hurt either. I feel that she deserves more than the cold shoulder.

What should I do? I'm not going to act on my feelings for Jane at any foreseeable point in the future. I love Jannet dearly, but not in a romantic way. How do I gently make it clear to her that there is nothing happening between us? Or should I do something else entirely?

What is a better gift for my recently laid-off girlfriend?

smoothvirus — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 11:09:41 -0800

One for the ladies - should I get my unemployed girlfriend some nice jewelery, or some nice green cash? So I've been dating my current girlfriend for more than three months now and things are going really well. But, she got laid off a couple of weeks ago, and she's worried about paying her rent come January if she has not found anything.

I have been in the jewelery store looking at some nice things in the $100-$200 range but have not purchased anything yet, her birthday is tomorrow. I am planning on taking her to a nice dinner tomorrow, but now that I've thought about it a bit, she might appreciate a little cash in lieu of a nice pendant.

Just for the record, her job search is going well, she has four interviews just this week. She's never been laid off/unemployed before, but I have and I never got that many interviews in a week. So I'm proud of her. She's been very worried but I have been very reassuring. I know she'll be fine.

Help! Need advice for giving friend advice!!

Hydrofiend — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 16:24:00 -0800

How do I tell my friend the truth in a way that she can hear it, then take what she can from it and do what feels right to her? One of my closest and dearest friends believes me to be insightful and intuitive. I believe the same of her. She's been dating someone who she hoped I would meet and give her my "take" on because she feels I will not only be honest but be correct in my assessment. I met him this weekend. I LOVE her, she is my dog, my ace, my girl, the person I can tell all kinds of crazy shit to without judgement (I am very lucky to have her as a friend.) Love for the dude, not so much. Well, not that I don't like him...here's the story, backwards. My first impression is he's nice...to her. He is very attentive, stares at her with stars in his eyes and clearly wants to be a husband and daddy. It's obvious he wants to fill her every desire or need. To me, he's trying way too hard and that it might come from a place of desperation. Spending time with him, I feel he thinks she will save him in some way. From his demons or fear of being alone....I don't know. My issue is that I'm not sure whether his desire has anything to do with my friend as a person or if that's his goal and he's gonna get it however he can. I know she has the same concern but it's difficult to turn down someone who wants to wash your dishes and make love to you until the cows come home even though you are not sure whether you want that with them in the long run.
The thing is, my friend deserves to have someone look at her with stars in his eyes. She deserves someone who wants to make babies with her. She deserves all that she desires but.....homeboy seems a little off to me. He seems to have a fantasy in his head about whatever it is he thinks a relationship should be and, to me, that's not fair to my friend. She is fantastic sans fantasy and deserves someone who sees that. I get that we all have an idea of what it is we think we want when we think about loving someone for the rest of our lives but shouldn't that be based on the actual person whom we are thinking of spending the rest of our lives with? ("Starry Eyes" has expressed his love for her, his desire to live with and make a life with her....all good things if both people feel the same way. Not to mention they've known each other for about 6 months. The 1st few wrought with some drama, see below.)

OK, some of the messiness:

Their shit:
-My friend got out of a 2.5 year relationship shortly after meeting "Starry Eyes". (like literally a few weeks. She wasn't looking but apparently he was and he persued her consistently)

-She still has unresolved feelings for her ex and has made that clear to "Starry Eyes". She's been working through it but for the past months also beginning a relationship with "Starry Eyes".

-"Starry Eyes" was engaged in an open relationship when persuing my friend. (but apparently "open" meant just fucking, not falling in love)

-When he got caught with my friend by his fiance, he ended his engagement-the confrontation ended it, went into therapy and moved out. (He has subsequently made other decisions for My friend, complying to her wants and desires. Good on a whole but troublesome in that he didn't make these choices on his own , prior to meeting her)

-My friend has been honest with him about where she's at in terms of being in a relationship. He has told her he will wait.

My Shit:
-I'm fresh out of a stream of jacked up relationships, some involving infidelity on both ends. I'm pretty sensitive about the subject and can smell shenanigans a mile away now that I recognize the hows and whys to relationships involving such behavior.

-I'm a little jaded right now and not really feeling like I know jack shit about how to make a healthy relationship happen (in therapy thank you very much.)

-I've been in situations similar and have since realized that although shit like this happens, is bound to happen in your late 30's, it doesn't mean that you HAVE to build a relationship based on such shit. And, if you do choose to, all parties need to be clear and communicative.

My friend wants my input and advice. She asked me what I thought when "Starry Eyes"wasn't around and I told her not to ask just yet. She knows me and I know her-well. It's gonna be a long conversation. She's been grappling with her thoughts about this relationship for a while now. I love her and want to be honest with her but am trying to figure out the best way to say what I mean given my own issues right now. I know life can be grey and messy. Things are not always clear-cut and tied with a pretty bow. But I am still working through my own shit to discover what that all means to me.

I tend to romanticize in general but am in a real realist mood. How can I communicate to her what I sense about "Starry Eyes" yet express to her that it is clouded by my own sense of romantic relationships right now? Who knows, they may make it through and decide to move on in relationship. I just don't want my input to make her make a decision that might not be right for her but I also want her to pick up what I'm putting down. Oy! Help!!!

What do I need to know before bike touring in Mexico?

lhputtgrass — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 20:04:04 -0800

My friend and I are planning to bike tour in Mexico for around three months early next year. What should we know going in to keep ourselves safe given the current drug war problems in the country? Basically, I'm wondering what two gringos with some but by no means fluent Spanish should know ahead of time to keep from getting into trouble. Are there areas of Mexico we should totally avoid? (Our route isn't totally planned yet and we obviously can't cover a huge portion of the country in our timeframe, so if there are places it would simply be dangerous to be, we can easily avoid them...)

How do you save a marriage after an affair?

wantstobeadesigner — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 19:27:19 -0800

My world is destroyed after an affair. I desperately need advice. Its a long story... Please help. This is such a long story... I will try to keep it as short as possible.

My husband and I have been together for nearly 7 years. We just got married 3 months ago. About 4 years into our relationship I had something blindside me. A married man came on to me. Before I knew it, I was involved in an affair with not only this married man but another younger, single man as well. This went on for less than a year before I broke both of them off completely. Neither of the relationships were meaningful beyond a lust level.

I tried to carry on with my life like nothing happened and never told my bf. We got engaged 6 months later. He still had no idea. My guilt never really went away. I went on antidepressants. My personally was changing. It was killing me and us.

Then, six months after the engagement the truth started to come out in the form of rumors. Many of which were true but I continued to deny it. I told my fiance half truths thinking I was protecting him. I told him that I was having feeling with the younger guy but I never admitted anything sexual happened... I also completely denied that I had anything to do with the married man fearing that his family/young kids would be destroyed. In hind site I cant believe I ever committed such horrible acts. I had convinced myself it never happened.

I went on living a lie for a the entire next year. Several times I was asked if there was more to the story and I was always to scared to fess up. I went on with lie after lie. His fears were very founded and never subsided. I went through with the wedding, we bought a house. Three months later I cracked.

He was begging for the truth and I started to give it to him. He was so upset he left, made plans to move out and he wants this relationship to end. Here is my problem. I am so desperate to try and make this work, but I still am too scared to admit the whole truth. I know he will go to the married mans wife and I am so afraid that I have done enough damage and dont want anyone else to feel this hurt. I am really guilty and so so ashamed. I cant stand the idea of how this additional information will hurt my husband. I know I am in the wrong but still want to save my relationship. What should I do???

Should I quit or continue?

gadha — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 18:46:01 -0800

Requesting advice with my career in computer science. Briefly, should I stay or should I go? I love what I do (compsci research, heavily engineering/coding based). I started programming at 13, growing up in EAfrica where I had access to information and tools but no guidance. This meant I had to find my own way through which made me quite tenacious.

At 18, I moved to the UK and did an ugrad in compsci in a mediocre university that aims to churn out mid-level sw engineering types. I did quite well and chose to do a PhD purely because I wanted to learn more about compsci. The net result of this was that (1) I realised that I "get" compsci enough that things make sense (2) that I love lower level stuff (kernels, hpervisors, hardware, systems, etc) (3) that I love to code and love technology (4) I seem to possess a great amount of tenacity at actually getting things working.

However, it also made me absolutely come to terms with my limits. While I can most "do" anything in my field, I find it takes me longer than my peers, my progress is not as quick and while I have some natural ability and affinity it pales in comparison to the other people I work with who are very, *very* good. Across the board I find the people who excel in my field and area seem to have much more natural talent and this translates to more rapid progress and output quicker (sometimes by up to a factor of 5-6). I've also realized that while I can recognize and apply good/clever ideas and understand their impetus, I lack that little bit extra in being able to actually generate the ideas. This leaves me feeling slow, dumb, unworthy and frustrated. It eats away at me a lot.

My top career goal would be to contribute to changing computer science (e.g. a new compression algorithm) or be involved in creating a technology or mechanism that does (c.f. software virtualization in the early 2000s). Half of me thinks I should just trudge on and continue to do what I do as slowly as I do it and I might at some point make this happen. The other half of me just wants to quit and go and do something else, i.e. make a comfortable life for myself -- do more than keep on dreaming and making miniscule progress hoping I can make a contribution.

I absolutely understand that natural ability is inborn and that such people are few and far between (and such mavericks are certainly necessary for the advancement of any field), I'm not aspiring to be one. I'm just wondering, is it possible to make a difference by wanting to make a difference *really* badly and continuing to soldier (hobble?) along? I'd appreciate any personal experiences to help me put this into better perspective.

I'm not sure what jobs I should be applying for.

Lakmir — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 21:52:43 -0800

What are some decent-paying jobs for someone who has B.A. degrees in English and in Psychology, and a lot of unofficial and very specialized technical knowledge but no "official" (i.e. paid) experience with such? Three and a half years ago, I graduated from a well-respected school with a bachelor's degree in English and another in Psychology. Of those, I've spent roughly two and a quarter working for a nonprofit in residential direct care - putting my psych degree to work for me, so to speak. There are a lot of problems with this: I'm facing major burnout, I work extremely long shifts, I'm slowly growing to hate the people I'm working with (the residents, not my coworkers), the pay is garbage and there's little or no opportunity for promotion. I'm not liking the field at all, and badly desire a career change.

In the meantime, I've also been doing a lot of hobby work on video games. Script writing and editing, localization programming (assembly languages), that sort of thing. I've gained a lot of really deep knowledge about old dead computers, some rudimentary management skills, and some really wonderful English narrative editing skills. There's also a smattering of MySQL knowledge that goes with the territory, a little bit of procedural C++, some technical writing (documentation and readmes), image editing, that sort of thing. I've been including this on my resume but it's not really "work" experience because I'm not getting any money for it, at least not in the eyes of most HR divisions.

Now I know the job market is impossible, but I have two degrees, a magna cum laude GPA, and am doing brain-breaking, psyche-draining work with an increasingly difficult population. I feel like I should be making more than $24K/year, you know? I need a change of job, but I don't know what sort of jobs I should be applying for.

So, my core question is: What sort of jobs I should be applying for? Administrative assistant? Researcher/analyst? Should I go for IT or web design, and if so, how much of a portfolio will I need to put together? I'm feeling increasingly lost and badly need to be pointed in the right direction!

As a corollary, how should I treat my technical stuff? It's vast and expansive, not to mention that it's the product of more than a decade's worth of blood, sweat, and tears, so I don't want to just make light of it with a few minor adjustments to a "Skills" list in a resume. But on the other hand, I applied at a temp agency not to long ago; they took one look at the stuff I've done as a hobby, pegged me for middle or upper management, and told me that I was overqualified for anything they had.

Here's some extra information in anticipation of responses from reading other questions. My chief loves in life are literature (both reading and writing), games of all kinds, music (both performing and listening), and problem solving. Further, I hate my job, but not only because I'm not making any money at it; the guys have all these little quirks that make everyone else mad, which they often knowingly abuse. So it's not necessarily about the money, but it wouldn't hurt to actually be able to start putting a little away...

Further, physical location is not an issue. I don't have much (if anything) put away but I can probably scrape together some change, and I have friends willing to lend me a bit of scratch to help finance a move.

I know this is a very open-ended question, but I'm frustrated and desperate. Please help!

Help me now fail my new job as an Affiliate Manager.

IndigoSkye — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 19:29:13 -0800

Help me not fail my new job as an Affiliate Manager Starting a new job on Monday. Yea! It uses a lot of the skills I've used in my career, but puts them toward a new objective - getting other people to sell your product for you. Since my bonus is based off revenues from affiliate links, I need some strategies to help me maximize that.

Do you make money using affiliate marketing? What is your idea of an ideal Affiliate program and what can the Affiliate Manager do to help you? How do you decide which affiliate programs to join and where do you find them?

Are you an Affiliate Manager? Where did you learn your skills? Who do you read today to keep up with the industry? What is the first thing I should do on Monday at my new job?

Thanks!

Help, my partner has been evicted!

Flitcraft — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 18:37:55 -0800

Eviction UK - what does a 're-entry' hearing involve? Please help! My partner was thrown out his home (he is the owner) yesterday morning by bailiffs and didn't tell me till now (middle of night UK Time). He tells me he has something called a 're-entry hearing' this morning 11am at a court. He was unaware of having missed any mortgage payments as it is paid by direct debit. (money is not a problem he is in a well paid job and so am I but something has gone wrong somewhere). Due to ADD, he hadn't opened his post for a long period and hasn't done anything like get a lawyer or contact his bank, or seek advice, beyond doing what the bailiffs told him - to file for what he described to me as a 're-entry hearing'. I am worried sick - what does the re-entry hearing involve? What can we do? Is there anything he should do before it, or read before it? You are not my lawyer, but can you advise? Also if he does need a lawyer- how does he go about getting one urgently in London? Anything you can tell me which I could use to help him would be valued. Thanks!

How to eat for fun.

Anonymous — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 07:35:50 -0800

I want to re-learn how to enjoy food and the process of eating. For who knows what reason, I never really learned how to just enjoy food. I'm going to spare gory background details because even if they were important, I want to focus on the future rather than the deep inner meaning for my sorta-ish eating issues.
I've been a vegetarian for about five years or so, so I'm very health conscious...for the most part. During the day, I try to eat fruits, vegetables, whole grains, proteins (mostly tofu/meat substitutes) and some dairy. I rarely stray far from "healthy" foods during the day. At night I sometimes go on crazy binges and end up feeling sick and out of control. During these periods, I usually binge on carbs, cookies/cake, basically anything I can get my hands on. What's odd is this times of complete lack of control are punctuated by a day where I simply won't eat anything.
I want to learn how to eat "normally"--whatever that means. How can I learn to just eat ONE slice of pizza and not constantly be thinking about more food, or the guilt of that slice? How can I just eat ONE cookie and not the entire batch?
I'm looking mostly for pragmatic solutions, mindsets, etc. I've tried some behavioral therapy, but it wasn't really for me. Thanks for your help.

Where can I fit in a small tech startup?

studiosonic — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 08:56:25 -0800

Where can I fit into (and how can I find) a tech startup or small tech company, that does something I'm passionate about with my current skills/experience? I currently work for a large UK retail business in IT, based in London - joined on an IT graduate scheme about 4 years ago (I'm now 28). I've been working on the infrastructure side since I joined - I'm now technical lead for one of the major device management technologies in the company, working on a big upgrade project. In a nutshell it's a senior system administrator role. It's ok, money is ok, stress levels are ok etc.. but I really want to work somewhere where I'm passionate about what I do and what the company does - something which is more than just OK! I just feel like a cog in a big machine where I am - I don't feel what I do is at all relevant to what the company does. They could be doing anything - doesn't make much difference to my job. I just make sure devices are managed, patched etc..

I started to look at job sites, but I kept getting drawn to things that matched my skills, i.e. doing pretty much what I do now. Or consulting in what I do now. So, I then decided to take a step back and think about what I really wanted my next move to be. I think of cool companies like Spotify - small companies on the cutting edge, working with interesting internet-based technologies and subject matter. That's great, but then I hit the brick wall. How would I fit into a company like that? I don't want to go and look after their infrastructure so I'm once again supporting what a company does, not actually being involved in the business of what it does. I want to be in a position where I can help shape the company. Make an impact - feel invested in what I'm doing because I believe in the company's product.

The few jobs I manage to find in interesting companies seem to be either hardcore development jobs or business-focused jobs (sales etc..). I don't want to go into software development - I've done a little bit within my job, but nothing major. I don't mind the odd bit of it, but I wouldn't want to be a full time coder, and even if I did, I don't have a lot of experience in OOP anyway. I'm happy to become less technical to work for a more technical company, if that makes sense. Plus, with coding work often outsourced these days I see an analytical role as more of a long-term career path.

As for the business-focused side, I don't have a lot of real-world business experience. I worked in a job before I joined my current employer which was a support and implementation consultancy role for a small software company selling accountancy software and bespoke applications, but my experience since has been all in-house, not dealing with 'customers'. The company I worked for wasn't doing too well (in financial problems before I joined!) and it was not a subject matter that interested me in the slightest so I moved on after about a year.

So, what are my skills? Well, I pick up knowledge pretty quickly as I've been technical lead for a few non-related technologies in the four years I've been here. I'm technically savvy and I've got experience of managing relatively big internal IT projects, in a big company with all the processes that involves. I've had a couple of promotions in the time I've been here. I also believe I'm good at talking about technical things with technical and non-technical people alike. How could I market myself to a small startup with these sort of skills? If I'm not an experienced developer or sales/marketing guru, where would I fit in?

I was thinking maybe I could play on the project management side of my job, maybe take a PRINCE2 qualification to get a bit more structural knowledge - but are there many opportunities for that sort of role without going to a bigger company?

If I crack that, I see another brick wall ahead. How did I find these sort of roles? Smaller companies don't generally have ads on the big job sites and apart from keeping an eye on places like the UK job board at TechCrunch or startupglu.com, I get the feeling a lot of these jobs come through friends of friends etc..

Any advice, greatly appreciated!

How to get from Toronto to Brussels (and what to do with a 4-year-old once there)?

fsmontenegro — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 13:22:58 -0800

Hi. Two questions related to an upcoming family trip - from Toronto to Brussels: - cost-effective (but not too tiring) ways to get from Toronto to Brussels? Non-stop flight? Connect elsewhere (London, Paris, Frankfurt, ...)? Fly into large hub (Paris, Frankfurt, ...) and book secondary flight or train? - things to do in Brussels with a 4-year-old?

Last minute advice for solo trip to Paris?

cider — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 12:21:50 -0800

I'm heading off to Paris for four days, and I'm starting to get a bit nervous that I'll forget something important. I've never been to Paris, and I haven't been to Europe for fifteen years. I'll be staying by myself in a hotel in Arondissement 7. I'm wondering if you can help me out with any last-minute tips or things I'm likely to have forgotten. Here are the types of questions that I suddenly find myself asking:

Will I need an adapter of some sort in order to charge my camera or ipod?

Am I required to carry my passport with me, and if so, should I get some sort of money belt? (I believe my hotel room has a safe deposit box -- is it better to leave it there?)

I'm assuming that I can get Euros out of a bank machine with my regular (Bank of America) card. (That's what I did in Germany years ago.) Is this true?

Will I generally be safe walking around at night? I'm a woman who will be travelling by herself; are there areas I should avoid?

I hate not having access to internet in case I want to look up directions, print tickets, or other computer-based tasks. I have an iPod touch -- is there likely to be free wi-fi around? Are internet cafes common in Paris?

Is there anything else that I'm forgetting?

Thanks so much!

The Affair of the Sooty Paws

stuck on an island — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 04:12:39 -0800

How the heck do I keep the kitties out of the chimney? We recently decided to share our new home with two elderly cats adopted from the local shelter. We thought we'd done a pretty good job of catproofing the flat, but 30 seconds after we released them from the carrier, the cats had discovered the fireplace in the living room and scrambled up on to the ledge inside the chimney, dislodging a massive heap of fallen soot which in their ensuing panic they spread all over the floor, the furniture, the bathroom, a load of drying laundry (white, of course) etc.

We've propped a large framed poster over the grate opening and anchored it with several heavy objects, but this is an unsightly interim measure and the cats are still manifesting an interest in the Forbidden Cave of Mysteries beyond. I've seen folding metal fire screens on the market, but they all look like only a moment's work to dislodge with a sharp pair of claws. I doubt we could get glass doors fitted, as the fireplace (a small 1920s coal-burning grate) has an all-metal surround. And blocking the fireplace off permanently is not an option, as we want to use it occasionally. How do we prevent another soot disaster?

Advice before I fly the coop for a year?

adamk — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 20:02:37 -0800

I (26/male) am leaving Los Angeles in January for at least one year of backpacking solo around Australia, NZ, SE Asia, and possibly some other places! Other than enjoying my remaining time before I leave (going to favorite restaurants, hanging with friends, etc.), what pre-trip activities should I be thinking about, and what preparations should I be making (especially while I have good insurance)? What do you wish someone had told you before you left for a trip of this length and scope? This is me! I have a few months left before I take off and start my working holiday visa in Australia. Obviously I'm heading to a first-world country to begin, and should be able to buy plenty of things that I may want while I'm over there.

I did my research and bought a great backpack, and plan on packing lighter than I ever have before. I've been trading in some of my must-have things (camera, laptop, etc.) for smaller and lighter versions. I'm planning on keeping my website updated with my past/future/current whereabouts, and posting blog entries, pics and video as the opportunity presents itself. I'm considering printing up some Moo MiniCards to pass out to people I meet, to make it easier for them to track me down. And I may get one of those recently announced Amazon Kindles with international downloads, instead of my usual approach of lugging around a small library.

In addition, I have about 10 more weeks of good medical/dental insurance from my current job, which I'll be leaving just before Christmas. I'm planning on getting a physical, and asking about immunizations for some of the less developed countries I may end up visiting. Beyond that, I'm not sure if there's anything I should be taking advantage of while I have the chance. Once my coverage runs out I'll have travel insurance with emergency health coverage, but nothing as nice or comprehensive as I have now.

For the past two months I've been aiming to get rid of 3-5 pieces of personal property each week, either by selling, giving or throwing things away. I'll be selling my car before I leave, and anything remaining will go into a small storage unit. Then I'll be living out of my backpack. Crazy.

I'll probably do occasional freelance programming work (old clients and new) to keep some money rolling in while I'm away, so I'm looking into gadgets/software that'd make my computing life easier... I've seen some external USB WiFi antennas that have received excellent reviews.

Any advice relevant to my specific situation would be appreciated, or any tips that are applicable in general. Thanks so much!

I need help upgrading my windows OS 6.1 to 6.5

omaralarifi — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 06:38:18 -0800

I want to upgrade my HTC Touch HD GSM Windows OS from 6.1 to 6.5. What is 1.56.OliNex simple comprehensive English? what is the difference between upgrading through HSPL and USPL? I don't really know the meaning and the difference between HSPL and USPL, and which one is recommended and less risky? I went to xda-developers.com and couldn't comprehend there well.

ACL Surgery Advice Please

swngnmonk — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 16:35:49 -0800

Going in for ACL replacement in a few days - what can I do between now and then to prepare for the next few weeks? So I'm going in for surgery on Wednesday to replace my right ACL, which I tore a couple of months ago. I'll be getting a cadaver ACL.

I'm looking forward to having a functional knee again, though I know that's 4-6 months from now. What I'm worried about is the next few weeks. I've read the previous questions posted, and I'm pretty clear on the idea that the week or two after surgery are going to suck. Doc is installing the cooling device & I'll be spending time w/ one of the devices that moves my knee for me as well.

I'll be staying with my dad and his GF for the first 2-3 days after, but then have to return home, where I live alone in a walkup duplex. So I have to deal with navigating stairs, and I need to get around. I have a stubborn streak, I'm lousy at asking for help, and I believe I can get anything done if required. But I realize I'll be gimpy as all hell, and I need to accept that I'll be limited in mobility for a while.

So, with all that: What made your life easier during your recovery period? If you had to do it over again, what would you do in the days leading up to it to make life easier afterwards?

Thank you!

Too horny. Can't think. Need sex.

Anonymous — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 11:34:22 -0800

I'm a mid-20s British male and I haven't had sex for about three years. Manual Overides are barely taking the edge off these days and the horniess is getting so bad I can't think clearly. Help me get laid. Complications inside. Since the end of my last long-term relationship I haven't had sex, kissed a girl, or been on a date. I was pretty good at being a boyfriend, living together, and all that stuff, and I hope to do it again someday but I'm way out of practice right now. I recognise that there are underlying issues with the three year gap (social isolation, self confidence, and so on) but what I'm asking for today is some help in figuring out a way to get laid so that I can actually think straight, instead of just sitting here feeling my pulse throb and my mind swim with thought-blocking sex chemicals.

I'm hoping mefi can help me think outside the box (and therefore get back inside the box, hee hee), but I realise this is probably a stupid question - sorry. Also, I understand that I'm coming at this backwards and that solving some of my other problems would probably indirectly resolve this one, but just give a pass on that one for now please - I'm working on them.

Anyway, here are the options as far as I can see followed by the issues I have with them. Maybe I'm missing something (please Jesus, let it be so).

---
Option #1 - Get a girlfriend:
A. Living with parents.
B. Broke.
C. Have a hairy back (like, chimp hairy). And I'm a bit overweight too.
D. Socially isolated, lacking confidence, that sort of thing.
E. Not honestly sure I want a full-on girlfriend right now because of A, B and D.

---
Option #2 - Go to a bar/club and pick up a girl:
A. Don't like pick-up bar/club environment. Not really sure what to do there, how to do it, or who to. Feel like a Martian in those places.
B. Not sure how dancing works.
C. Worried about catching a disease.
D. Worried that after such a long drought my performance won't be up to satisfying a girl who picks guys up in bars.
E. Don't understand the etiquette of one-nighters.
F. Don't have a place I could take her to anyway.
G. Terrified.

---
Option #3 - Go internet dating:
A. See Option #1 above.
B. Don't want to put a picture of my face on a profile - someone I know might spot me.
C. Not really sure how the whole thing works.
D. See Option #2 above.
E. Terrified.

---
Option #4 - Use a prostitute:
A. No idea how.
B. Morally confusing.
C. Don't want to catch a disease.
D. Budgetary limitations probably place me in the 'crack whore' market segment.
E. Terrified.
F. Not really into breaking the law. Scared of bad guys and the police.

Okay, so those are the options that I've worked out, none of which seem realistic for me right now. For your info I'm overweight (but quite tall with it), not pretty but (I hope) not ugly either, a 'nice guy', big, bald and perhaps a bit unapproachable, and have some not-crippling but not-insignificant self-esteem issues (as I'm sure you've figured out). I look older than I am too. I keep hoping I'll have some serendipitous magical dreamgirl encounter like in Garden State, Lost In Translation (though, less chaste), Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Me and You and Everyone We Know and movies like that, but I'm getting tired of making eyes at pretty bookshop sales assistants.

Disposable email at: M8R-758isl@mailinator.com

Finally, if this looks pretty well organised for someone who claims he can't think - I jerked off earlier (sorry), and this took me about two hours to write.

Improve your writing by imitating the greats.

ekpyrotic — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 17:10:41 -0800

Improve your writing by imitating the greats. I am a middling writer. I have won college writing awards. I once published two pieces in a national newspaper.

I am eager to learn. At night I often find myself scanning http://delicious.com/search?p=writing. The result is frequently the same, either (i) the articles are old, or (ii) the content is old news, Use the active voice, Delete unnecessary words, or other Shrunkian globules of wisdom.

I have read that there comes a time when you should turn to the masters: Hemingway, Nabokov, Chekov, Kafka. Read them; distill their lessons; imitate them.

How do I do that? Are there specific exercises?

Help! I have to move to Haarlem, Netherlands from the UK in 4 weeks.

gonzo_ID — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 04:02:47 -0800

Sudden move from the UK to Haarlem, Nederlands in 5 weeks. I have a couple of questions... (more inside) Hello. Mrs Gonzo_ID has jot a job in Amsterdam and so the family need to move over ASAP. We've decided on Haarlem as it should be cheaper than Amsterdam. I have some questions:

1. Can anybody Recommend a good housing rental agency for expats in Haarlem?

2. We have a kid (<12m) and so where do I start looking for Nursery / Nanny / Au Pair? Any recommendations?

2. Anybody been to Haarlem and can give recommendations for Dutch language classes, tai chi classes, rowing club, gym ikea, etc...

3. I'm a freelance designer and so will have to adjust to Dutch clients. Whats my status according to UK National Insurance and Dutch tax? Where do I initially search to find out about expat tax, running business in Holland, banking, etc... sorry it is vague but I'm not sure where to begin.

4. General advice on how an english person can survive in the Netherlands. I'm going to learn Dutch, buy a bicycle, and wet weather gear to walk the dog. Is there anything REALLY OBVIOUS that I am missing.

Many thanks. Apologies if it is a bit vague, but we only found out yesterday and so we're right in the beginning stages.

Dyslexic friend + change of career x (What options are available + how can I help) = happier friend

Mrevilbreakfast — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 09:53:04 -0800

Dyslexic friend + change of career x (What options are available + how can I help) = happier friend! How can I help a friend find and get a new job and career? An old friend and I have just got back in touch, after five years of losing contact, through the current Social Networking site of choice. Life has been fairly good to her however she's getting increasingly frustrated by the lack of (apparently) suitable jobs out there.

She's hard working, sociable, honest and trustworthy but the one factor that she's been told stands in her way is her dyslexia for the jobs that she's applying for. This results in her getting through to the interview stage and - despite being a suitable candidate, being experienced in the fields that she's applying for, better presented, etc. - she gets knocked back; as a result her confidence is taking a bit of a pounding.

I've tried the obvious - advising her to look for jobs for things that she's interested in, has skills in, etc. but... no joy so far.

You are not a careers advisor, fully understood up front. That said, any advice that you can swing in my direction as to potential careers for people with dyslexia - one who's in her early thirties with a passion for cookery, theatre and a 13 year history working for a large retailer - and advice as to how I can help her achieve said goals will be much appreciated.

Making a bathroom accessible ... costs and requirements in the UK

davemee — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 06:53:08 -0800

I'm involved in the set-up of a public access space (in Manchester, England). While we have two ground-floor bathrooms, neither is wheelchair-accessible. Having spent no time in a wheelchair, nor time in a bathroom with a person in a wheelchair, I'd like to know a few things about making one of the bathrooms accessible... I'd really appreciate any insight from anyone who's been through this process.

My main concerns, in no fixed numerical order, are

How critical are the grips and handles accessible toilets are usually festooned with? Can we get by without them?
What's the minimum we should reasonably install, based on legal (UK) mandates and costs?
How much can I expect this to cost?
Are there any recommended suppliers? Cost is a large aspect of recommendation eligibility.
Are there any sources of public assistance in installing this? (I'm concerned that providing access would consume the funding we have for our first few public events in one fell swoop.)

Thanks for any insight you can provide - both from the project itself and our future visitors!

Divorced, jobless, need advice.

saragoodman3 — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 20:52:53 -0800

Stuck in a rut. Help me find meaning, direction, and help me get back on my feet. My husband cheated on me, and after months of trying to work it out, I left him, and moved back to the town where I grew up (2000 miles away from where I’ve lived for the last seven years), to be near my family. As the first one to get divorced, they don’t know what to do with me, or what to say, though they have tried to be supportive. They often leave me out of plans , because they think it will hurt my feelings to be invited, and even though I’ve explained it hurts more to be left out, they don’t seem to get it.
After our marriage ended and I was forced to move back home, I lost a lot of friends, and the handful of girlfriends I have left have small children, are married, and can rarely talk on the phone. We facebook.
I got laid off, so I get unemployment, but have been unemployed for months. I have been volunteering, taking classes, and taking care of my elderly grandmother, who has cancer.
I met a nice guy at the dog park, and even though I like him just fine, and he is a good person, there is no spark.
Luckily, I have a great dog companion, and a kitty has adopted us. I am never lonely at home. They are endlessly entertaining, and are wonderful company for the hour or two I sit on the couch at night.
I have no furniture, I have few clothes, I'm sleeping on an air mattress. I miss the house I carefully decorated, and the kitchen utensils I saved up for. I miss my stand mixer. I used to enjoy cooking, but don’t have the tools anymore, and don’t see the point in cooking for myself.
I'm broke. I don’t have a job. I don’t really have a boyfriend, but I'm okay with that. I miss having girlfriends. Its hard to not have coworkers at least. I'm thinking about trying internet dating. I just turned thirty. I spent my birthday with the dog.
Its nice not to have much junk; its nice not to have a bunch of near-meaningless material things. I was living in a mild climate, working a jeans-and-tshirt job. In the next few weeks, I'm going to need a winter coat, heavy boots, new tires, and hopefully I will need work clothes. I can shop at thrift stores. I don’t know how I will afford much. My husband has the savings account.
I feel lost. I need direction. I need motivation. I need to read books or watch videos about living frugally and surviving divorce. I used to have goals, but now I don’t see how I can accomplish them by myself; many are no longer applicable (have kids, vacation together, etc).
I went to therapy, but cant really afford it anymore, and didn’t get much out of it. I was hoping for feedback and inspiration, but all I got was a sympathetic ear (wow, your husband was an unbelievable jerk!). sympathy isn’t bad, but wasn’t what I needed.
Where should I look for inspiration? I need guidance. I need to get out of my rut. Please don’t tell me to just ‘get over it’; I get that from my well-meaning family members.
I need to conjure a job. I’ve actually been offered a few – and I accepted, right before they called me back to say the position had been cancelled by upper management. Its hard to even apply when I know the odds of my application even being looked at is so slim.
I have been successful before, but I don’t know how to be again.
I know part of this post is a pity party, but please ignore that. I really need help, and have tried to pull myself up by my bootstraps, and have tried to lean on family. Now I am here to humbly ask the meta advice.
Have you been through this? How did you get through it? Advice is appreciated, links to helpful books or websites included. Please keep in mind that I cant go out and buy a bunch of books.

Good questions to ask my Bankruptcy Lawyer in the morning?

samuel1613 — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 22:24:42 -0800

Questions to ask the bankruptcy lawyer in the morning to learn about the process AND to evaluate the lawyer's ability in bankruptcy. Sorry for the late question. I am visiting a bankruptcy lawyer in the morning. Without judging my circunstances, can you please give me good questions to ask to determine if this is the lawyer I should choose IF I do go down this path. What should I ask them about? Their experience? Their fees? Timeframes? Options? Please help as I know little about this process, and I would like to know if this is a good lawyer for this process. I already know all advise you provide is not legal advice, most of you are not lawyers, and I will take everything as simply friendly advise. Thank you for your help!