Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with adulthood

My little sister's growing up :'(

SebastianKnight — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 05:13:28 -0800

My younger sister is moving in with her future-fiancé. How to mark this passage, and what house-warming gift to buy them? My wonderful sister (early 20s) is about to move in with her boyfriend (who will very likely become my brother-in-law within 18 months). They're moving into his new house (not renting), and they're seriously planning their futures together. This is the big one, and I'm so happy for both of them. They're a great match and they're very together, level-headed people. I'm very hopeful for them.

She's moving out of my mum's house and it feels like this move closes a door on a part of our sibling relationship. My sister and I are very very close, and her moving out of mum's house likely means that we'll probably never live under the same roof again. We'll stay close, but this feels like a significant passage from one chapter to the next. In some ways, it marks the end of our shared extended-childhood. We've been through movings in and out and back and forth and together and apart before, but never with this air of finality.

So I have one pragmatic question and one fuzzy one.

1) Do you have any suggestions for a housewarming gift for them? (I've read previous Asks on this topic but couldn't find one with this sort of background.) I'm struggling.

2) If you've been through anything like this, how did you mark the occasion? How did you handle it? Have you any advice?

Thanks.

Help me become a responsible adult...

Anonymous — Sun, 19 Aug 2007 05:31:30 -0800

Help me become a responsible adult... I graduated college a little over three years ago, and so far I feel like I'm failing completely at creating an adult life for myself. I don't really have a social life, or any real social relationships outside of work. I don't have a SO or any reasonable expectation of finding one. I don't have any hobbies or activities that I enjoy (except working). I have an idea of the things I should do (find a therapist, excercise every day, volunteer, take a class and try to meet people) but I have a lot of trouble motivating myself to actually do these things. Usually what happens is that I make an initial appointment to meet with a therapist or pre-pay for a set of classes and then never show.

The odd thing is, work is going great. I'm passionate about my job, and my projects usually go pretty well. I get a lot of positive feedback from my bosses. Then, during weekends and evenings, it's like someone flips a switch and I turn off. I can't seem to motivate myself to do anything, even little things like going outside for a walk or washing the dishes. It's like I'm waiting for someone to come tell me what to do. But since I live alone, the only person who's around to make me take responsibility for myself is me... and this doesn't seem to be something I'm capable of right now.

Has anyone dealt with a similar situation? How did you "grow up" and start taking responsibility for your own life, health, and happiness?

What does it means to be an adult and how do I become one?

bluenausea — Wed, 09 May 2007 06:54:49 -0800

What does it means to be an adult and how do I become one? I've been bumping into the notion of "adulthood" a lot recently -- usually when castigating myself for (what I consider to be) my own puerile or juvenile reactions to life. But what does it mean to be an adult? Obviously, I am referring to emotional, intellectual, and moral adulthood, and not physical (a lot of adults are not "adult.")

When I exhort myself to act like an adult, I think I am demanding that I be more emotionally graceful, patient with other people, and more okay with myself and my life than I actually am. That I deal with things that upset me in a more modulated manner. And that I get less upset to start with. (For the record, I am reasonably good at restraining my juvenile emotions -- but I wish that I didn't feel them. I've also got major depressive disorder and bad self-esteem, which I'm working on, but I think it has had a stunting effect on my emotional maturity).

It has occured to me that a lot of adulthood may be predicated on being secure with your place in the world; your more "mature" interactions with the world may have to do with the fact that you have yourself pretty much resolved. But then, do juvenile feelings and behavior

I realize I haven't gotten this very well thought out. I'd stem from insecurity? I'd appreciate other ideas on the matter. Extra gratitude to those who can tell me how to get more adult, and quickly.

Is there a "user's manual for grownup life" out there somewhere?

shelbaroo — Fri, 24 Mar 2006 14:07:36 -0800

My current level of "life management" skills aren't cutting it anymore (not that they ever did so great to begin with). How can I get my act together? For a whole bunch of reasons, I feel like I'm lacking some basic integrative skills in how to lead life really effectively as an adult. I'm talking about personal management here, not relationships or holding down a job or knowing what to do with my life (I'm feeling pretty okay about those!) This goes beyond any one "domain" such as financial, household management, health, etc. I really can be competent with these things individually when I put my mind to it...but given the complexities of modern life, the amount of time my work demands, and some general tendencies towards ADD, I have a really hard time making it all happen.

What's more, my partner is no better at this stuff than I am, and since we're looking forward to having kids in the next couple of years, I really want to work towards getting our act together now and establish some good patterns before things get *really* crazy. As it is, we're both a little flaky and are prone to ignore basic stuff until it becomes urgent. I come from a fairly chaotic family of origin, and I want to be more responsible (and have a healthier, less stressful, and more financial secure existence) than that. But I see other people who seem to keep everything running smoothly and I don't know how it's done.

I'm thinking that we need a FORMAL SYSTEM - some clear structures and manageable routines for paying attention to all of the kinds of things that grownups need to pay attention to. Can anyone who either (1) really has their act together or (2) is my twin and has already hunted down some good resources (books/websites/commercial products?) tell me what those are and/or how to go about setting something up? Also, if we were going to create weekly/monthly/quarterly/annual checklists of the kinds of things to pay attention to to keep our life on track, what should go into it?

What am I up against learning to play an instrument as an adult?

tomble — Mon, 03 Oct 2005 00:06:49 -0800

What are your experiences learning to play an instrument as an adult? I've taken up playing guitar more seriously than I used to, but I wonder about ever actually getting good at it. I'm 31, so not exactly elderly, but I would be keen to hear other people's experiences at learning an instrument as an adult.

Does anyone know how much difference it makes as opposed to learning as a child (which I assume to be a great deal). Should I have lower expectations for what I can achieve?

Where's the fun?

argybarg — Tue, 01 Mar 2005 20:15:09 -0800

Is anybody having fun? I thought that when I grew up I'd be part of a fun, interesting social world full of free adults. Yet I wonder where all this fun is happening. I go to bars and people are just sitting there. I go to music shows and I see a bunch of inert nodding hipsters. I go to the park and the adults are dourly recreating with their iPods on. Even the kids' playground seems underpopulated with kids and overmonitored by safety-minded adults.

I'd like to take part in some hilarious, spontaneous, relaxed, social jubilation in my life. I'd like to two-year-old son to see what it looks like. So where is it?