Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with adoption

We adopted a Rott!

msali — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 12:46:30 -0800

We just adopted a rescue Rottweiler and we couldn't be happier. When we bring her home on Monday, I want to be completely prepared. Please help! Details inside. Our new girl is a three(ish) year old who was abandoned about a month ago. She is about sixty pounds and has already had a litter. She was just neutered on Thursday, so we are going to wait until Monday to bring her home, to make sure that she heals properly.
Her behavioral checks and our personal (albeit) short experience demonstrates that she is a sweet and docile girl, and has evidently already been crate and leash trained. She knows basic commands, so it appears at one time she was someone's beloved pet.
I already joined a rottweiler forum, but I'd like to know from owners of larger pets, what do you prefer to feed them? How much and how often should they eat? Do you leave food in their bowl all the time, or do they eat at set intervals? I work from home, and we have a huge yard, so walking and exercising her won't be a problem. She doesn't seem terribly energetic, is a two mile walk a day too much? She seemed like her skin was a little dry, is that common? What can I do about that? Can anyone suggest a good brush?
Do Rotties like to chew on things? What sort of toys should I get her?
Would she like a bed (she will not be sleeping in mine), or would a blanket suffice? Do we get a crate for her to sleep in, even if we leave the door open?
Lastly, just any advice to a new dog owner. I had shepherds as a child, but have not owned a dog my entire adult life. We want to do this right, because we have already fallen in love with our new girl.
Thanks in advance.

Proof of Irish citizenship for someone born, adopted in 1880s?

zippy — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 11:01:54 -0800

Is this possible to search for (or prove the absence of) my Grandmother's Irish birth certificate and Irish citizenship from the comfort of my own armchair in the US, ideally inexpensively? My grandmother was born in 1883 to Irish parents, possibly in Limerick, possibly in Rhode Island (US).

I would like to know for certain whether she was born in Ireland and was an Irish citizen to satisfy the "yes, you can be a citizen if your grandparent was" Irish citizenship clause.

In other words I would like to track down my grandmother's "full civil birth certificate if born after 1864..."

Possible confounding factor - when she was a young girl (age 7 or so) her family put her up for adoption in the US. I do have her birth parents' names.

I could travel to Ireland and do this search in person at the General Register Office but this office doesn't appear to offer an option where I can do the search on-line or commission them to look someone up.

I presume that if I found a birth certificate for her in Rhode Island, this would confirm she was not born in Ireland, though I do not know if this was the case for registration and citizenship at the time. Consider this a bonus sub-question - would a Rhode Island birth cert. negate the whole Irish thing for someone in the late 1800s?

Tell me how to choose a child/family therapist.

Anonymous — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 08:05:56 -0800

Should I go for the in-plan, cheap co-pay therapist or pony up more cash for the therapist who seems a better fit for my family? Would it be bad to switch therapists shortly into the process? My family needs some help from a therapist. Specifically, my daughter needs some help. She's young (in elementary school), and she was adopted into our family a few years ago. It was a huge trauma for her, and we're all still dealing with the after effects, including huge and frequent tantrums and bedwetting that would be more typical in a child much younger than she is (among other issues). She's still grieving and she's really suffering.

My understanding is that children who were adopted do best when dealing with therapists who understand adoption and how that can hurt a child years after the actual adoption, and so I would like a therapist who has worked with similar issues and similar kids.

I have a pretty good health plan for mental health issues. However, in my area, there are only one or two therapists who are in network, with a reasonable co-pay (around $15), who work with kids and who seem to have knowledge about adoption. I haven't spoken with any of them yet.

There's another practice in my area which specializes in dealing with adoption and dealing with kids who are in foster care or who were adopted. They work with everyone in the adoption triad (ie adoptive parents, kids, birth/first parents). They are out-of-network. My insurance company would cover some of the fees, but we might be looking at $60+ per session.

My inclination is to go right to the therapists who specialize in adoption. But should we give an in-network therapist a try first? Being able to have a low copay would probably mean we could afford much more therapy for much longer.

Will it mess up my daughter if we start with one therapist and switch?

I'd welcome any advice you have on choosing a therapist, especially one who works with kids. Thanks.

Names for Black Dogs? Let's give them a leg-up in the adoption process.

taz — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 06:36:52 -0800

I need great, imaginative, appealing names for black dogs! A friend operates a rescue organization for dogs and cats, and mentioned how hard it is to find homes for black dogs (see Black Dog Syndrome)... and since I was already helping her come up with names, I thought I'd come up with a special list of Black Dog names that are perhaps evocative of personality types, and that might inspire interest so that potential adopters will maybe find their curiosity/sense of whimsy piqued and stop to at least read a description on the website, instead of just passing by any photo of a black dog. Some specific considerations inside... This is in Greece, where most people speak at least some English, and are familiar with exported U.S. and British pop culture in general and pretty much any world-famous person/literary character/film character/music reference will be recognized. Non-Greek names for pets are popular, so recognizable English, Italian, German, etc. names are cool, but "sh/ch" and "j" sounds are difficult to for many to pronounce.

The names can have some reference to Black, but they don't have to. For example, I thought of "Kafka" for a smart, "intellectual" perhaps sort of "serious" boy dog... and that one just also sort of "feels" like a good name for a black dog to me. Names of one or two syllables are usually easier for dogs to recognize and respond to.

So gimmee your ideas for great Black Dog names! Gimme!

Is there a good way to "shop around" animal shelters for pet adoption?

olinerd — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 08:59:24 -0800

I'm a potential dog adopter. Is there a responsible way to "shelter-shop", and if so how do I do it? I'm considering adopting a dog. I've done a ton of research on breeds, vets, food, the adoption process once I've found a dog I want, and I'm in discussions with my building management about it (they're okay with me getting a dog, but they are going to get back to me next week about restrictions on size/breed/etc). But I'm a little confused about how to actually go through this.

I had a rescue dog growing up, but he was given to us by a friend who was fostering him, so we never had the "go down to the shelter" experience. I'm looking at petfinder obsessively and I've found a few candidates I'm interested in but they're all in different shelters, and some of these "shelters" are just groups of foster volunteers and not actually a physical location. Pretty much all of them say I have to fill out an adoption application before I ask any questions about or try to see any of the dogs.

Is there still a way I can just go to a shelter and be introduced to some dogs, or are all shelters going to be like this? Will it look irresponsible/uncommitted if a shelter knows I have "applications" in to multiple others? It feels weird filling out an application for a dog I *think* looks like it could be a good match, but the Petfinder description doesn't explicitly discuss the dog's energy level, for example, and I don't want a shelter thinking I'm an idiot for applying for a dog that couldn't handle my apartment.

I may just be a little paranoid, since the adoption applications seem so invasive (home visits? Are you serious?), but I do want to do this right.

(FWIW I'm in Boston and I'm willing to drive a couple of hours to a good shelter, if anyone has recommendations.)

I need a kind soul in South Korea to find school records of a woman born in 1937

cda — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 14:11:52 -0800

I need a kind soul in South Korea to find school records of a woman born in 1937, to help us begin our search for the birth family of our adopted cousin. Our cousin has asked for our help in finding her Korean birth family. I thought finding her mother's school records would be a good place to start. Her father was an American soldier stationed in Korea. Her mother was a Korean woman. In 1962 my cousin's father brought her back to America, without her mother, and she knows very little about her Korean family. Her father has passed away. We do have names and birth dates of her mother, her mother's siblings and for her grandparents. It's possible her grandfather was Japanese. The family lived in Seoul, although our cousin was born in Pusan for some reason.

If you or someone you know lives in South Korea and you have an interest in history or an interest in helping adoption searches please let me know. And failing that, if you know a private investigator in Seoul who speaks English, that would be helpful.

What are the major obstacles of single adoption?

fairykarma — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 16:46:56 -0800

What are the major obstacles of single adoption? I've come to the conclusion that I'm not particularly comfortable with raising a kid from birth to whenever they leave the house; I'm not interested all that much in marriage. And I believe it might be particularly difficult to find a woman who would respect those decisions. Nevertheless, I was born in a third world country and my non-biological dad is from the West and married my mom, who was single at the time. I went back to visit after 12 years. The standard of living was very intolerable and depressing. I never felt safe at all during my visit there. Even my own relatives scared me a bit, talking about money (or lack of) pretty much all the time.

America, granted its multitude flaws, is a damn fine country and moving here was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. My original plan was to just live a hedonistic yuppie life, partly due to the influence of my peers. The problem with that is I don't plan on settling down in the traditional sense. So... envisioning myself at 50 and still "living it up", doesn't strike me as particularly productive.

It came to me that perhaps I could also give the same gift my dad gave me, America. To two kids (preferably girl and boy), and above the age of 7.

I'm not particularly picky about the country. I'm most concerned with

1. Which countries are lenient with singles who want to adopt?
2. What bureaucratic obstacles am I likely to go through?
3. Can those obstacles be solved with money?

Is not getting adopted a dis?

Anonymous — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 09:11:32 -0800

How big a deal is it not to be adopted by a step-parent? I was raised by my father. My stepmother never adopted me. I have met others who were adopted by step-parents, and as an adult I now want to get some idea of how common this is, and whether I should take this as an indicator of how close my stepmother wanted our relationship to be.

The question is prompted in part by this FPP, which got me thinking about the situation again.

We are not close now, and it would not really feel appropriate to ask her about this, which I guess is an indicator too, but I want a bit of outside input about how commonplace stepparent adoption is to help me get some insight into the situation (I am not so close to family in general).

Trying to adopt with a psychiatric diagnosis

Pater Aletheias — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 18:08:07 -0800

Is it possible to adopt a child when a spouse has bipolar disorder? We have two biological children, a three year old girl and a five month old boy, and would like to adopt a third child--not because we couldn't get pregnant again, but because we feel that we could provide a good home to a child who needs one. In fact, that's been our plan since we were engaged--two biokids, anyone after that is adopted.

But in recent communications with international adoption agencies that our friends have used, we've been told that applying would be a waste of our time and money--there's no chance of being approved for adoption because my wife is diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

Is that the final word? We can accept it if it is--many couple who want to adopt would be delighted just to have one of the two wonderful kids we are already parenting. But if there's some avenue for adoption, I'd like to pursue it.

Interrupting an adoption?

Anonymous — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 09:43:12 -0800

My parents want to give up the teenager they adopted a few years ago. Can they do this? I’m in my early thirties and have been living on my own for well over a decade. Four years ago, a sixteen year old, who I’ll call Ryan, was adopted by my parents from an Eastern European orphanage and came to the US to live with them and two of my biological siblings who still live at home. Ryan has mild fetal alcohol syndrome (he was never tested because my parents maintain a kind of arrogance about the input of “experts” and believe that everything will be okay with the Lord’s help. However, even without testing it is fairly clear that Ryan was affected, given that we know from the orphanage that his mother was an alcoholic). This developmental issue seems to have impacted his social skills and learning abilities, but not tremendously—he reads below grade level, but let’s also keep in mind that he arrived here four years ago not speaking a word of English, not to mention the emotional trauma of living in an orphanage from age 1 to age 12, not to mention that part of his problems interacting are due to hearing problems that remained untreated for years.

Aside form a lingering accent when he speaks, if you were to meet him, you’d think he was your average teenage boy, good hearted, dorky, occasionally socially inappropriate--- but not a fringe case, not the sort of violent or maladjusted teen who drives parents to consider “disrupting” their adoption (the industry euphemism for getting rid of an adopted child). I’ve seen him with children, with animals, with me and my other sisters, and he’s sweet. Any other family would get him testing, counseling, care. The problem—you guessed it-- is my parents. They were not in complete agreement about the adoption in the first place. My mom wanted it, but my father was more ambivalent. Their marriage was unstable at the time, and my father thought adopting a kid would keep my mother busy; my mother in turn thought adopting would give her some purpose in life. Cue the ominous music. To make matters worse, my father is in his late 60s. He’s tired and in recent years he’s been suffering chronic pain following some surgeries. If Ryan had been flawless, easy, perhaps everything could have been fine. But he is imperfect-- he’s stolen a few things: money from my mother’s wallet, a stack of DVDs from the library. Thanks to Ryan’s social awkwardness and inability to fit in right away (in my family fitting in = being quiet and obedient), my father never properly warmed up to him and these latest incidents convinced him, irrationally, that the kid is on some kind of downward spiral, headed toward a violent end. Recently the two of them got into a screaming match, each accusing the other of theft, and ending in my father banning him from the house. Ryan went to stay with a neighbor family, my father insisting he wasn't welcome back home. My parents then spoke with a Christian family services agency about sending him to a different family, and, amazingly, instead of insisting on family counseling, the agency set up a meeting with a foster family willing to take him in. The agency seems eager and compliant and willing to make all this ugliness go away (I wonder how much they're being paid) and has just advised my mother that these foster parents could be made into Ryan’s “guardians,” -- a simpler process than foster parent status, they tell my mother.

If you are wondering why my mother is going along with this decision, it’s because she is afraid of losing my father. She’s practically admitted as much. In spite of everything I say, she’s too overwhelmed and seems to have lost her ability to take a moral stand.

Can my parents legally deposit their child into the foster care system or assign someone else as his guardian? The foster/guardian process is being conducted through a Christian organization, and I have my doubts about the accountability of the process. They didn’t, for instance, consult the rest of the family about this. They took my parents' word.

I refuse to let a sibling of mine be disposed of, and will invite him to live with me, if necessary (although my parents disapprove of me - for religious reasons - and would probably put up a fight, preferring strangers over me).

What steps can I possibly take here? What's the legal basis for what they are doing?

How do I try embryo adoption as a single woman?

Anonymous — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 11:37:37 -0800

I'm single and interested in embryo adoption as an alternative to domestic adoption. Family history plays a possible, small part but I mostly would like a baby soon. How do I approach clinics at my age and in my situation in order to use a service typically reserved for couples with actual fertility problems? I'm afraid I'll be seen as in a hurry and selfish. How do I stop feeling guilty for wanting to try in the first place? If it does happen, how do I prepare myself and my family emotionally, psychologically, financially and however else for this situation? I have been told that PCOS/endometriosis runs deep in the family to the point where hysterectomies and surgeries are mentioned/have even been performed in a few instances. I'm nervous about it but have not personally had anything fully confirmed. If anything my symptoms are closer to those of endometriosis. I'm planning to have Dr visits and tests done again soon.

I would like to try for a baby later next year whether I have a problem there or not. I'm still planning to start the domestic adoption process if this doesn't go through. I feel like I'll be ready for a baby then. I'm completely young I know (23) but I will be settled in my own home before starting the embryo process and will own my car. I have a stable job and the ability to save monthly. I do not see myself getting married any time soon but can see myself as a stable mother. I will not be going into debt for this procedure. I know things could change before then but with the waiting periods for a single mom, I would like to have my mind made up fairly early on.

I would like to know how to approach clinics and doctors with the hopes of becoming a single mom through a treatment generally reserved for infertile couples if there is no real issue with my body? I'm afraid that I'm coming off as selfish. Also, is there a message board for single women who have done this either through necessity or not? Lastly, how do I prepare for the toll this could take on us and also the subsequent pregnancy if all goes well?
Thank you.
daybyday@rocketmail.com

Birthday gift for a soon-to-be-adopter?

Anonymous — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 21:06:29 -0800

What's a good gift for someone who will be adopting soon? One of my good friends has a birthday coming up. She and her partner are preparing to adopt a child. They're near the beginning of the process, still doing home studies, etc, but not to the point where they've met a birth mother or anything.

I'd like to get her something for her birthday that acknowledges or aids her in the adoption process. Bonus points for something I can get in Chicago this weekend or from Amazon. She already has a ton of adoption books so I wouldn't be comfortable getting one of those. I don't know which she has and which she doesn't.

Adoptive parents, what were the best gifts you got, especially at the beginning of the process?

I'm not looking to spend a ton of money; maybe US$40 tops.

Thanks for your help.

(Anon because her partner reads this sometimes.)

Can I live/work in U.K. and/or E.U

Muirwylde — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 11:47:49 -0800

Father born in England. Father now a Canadian citizen. As his son, what are my live/work options for E.U. and U.K.? Singular circumstances... Father emigrated from U.K. where he was born, to Canada at age seven in 1930's. I was adopted by my U.K. born father and Canadian mother at 18 months of age from a Manhattan orphanage (I was born in Manhattan to a Canadian mother {my biological mother}) who just happened to be in New York when I was born. I have a US birth certificate and a Canadian Citizenship card. I have a Canadian SSI number and a US SSN number.

Am I a duel citizen of both US and Canada? Am I eligible for a U.K. passport? Am I able work in the E.U.? What is the process to legally live/work in the U.K. or the E.U. based on my circumstance? Am I technically eligible for three passports (Canadian, US, U.K)? Are you allowed to hold more than one passport at a time? (I'm assuming probably not). I currently have no passports.

Are my brothers adopted?

scottreynen — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 18:11:47 -0800

Both of my parents have brown hair, brown eyes. I also have brown hair, brown eyes. My two older brothers have blond hair, blue eyes. Is that strange? A reason to think they may be adopted? We've joked before about them being adopted, but a recent This American Life episode made me think it could actually be true and I'd have no idea. I did a little research and found something about baby hair color from parents.com: "your baby's hair can turn out to be a beautiful range of shades between your hair color and that of your partner." That suggests it's odd to have a baby with a different color hair than both parents. Off the top of my head, I can't think of anyone I know with two parents having the same hair color and the child with a different hair color. On the other hand, I've never really paid attention to hair color.

Other than the hair and eye color thing, I have no reason to believe my brothers aren't biologically related to me. Is that odd enough to be worth bringing up to my parents or brothers?

International adoption

Mossy — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 04:29:06 -0800

Has anyone had any experience with international adoption in the UK? We are specifically looking to adopt from a muslim country like Palestine. We've found a lot of general adoption links like adoptionguide.com and adopting.org, but would welcome any other information or pointers.

Have you grown your family through surrogacy?

bunnycup — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 15:27:39 -0800

Calling all experiences with surrogate pregnancy - on any side of the equation. I am considering having a child through a surrogate mother, and wondered if anyone had any anecdotes, experience, advice, warnings, etc. I (very) recently lost a child and am physically unable to become pregnant again. In considering whether to adopt or to pursue surrogacy, I am in search of any Mefiverse collective thoughts or experiences on surrogacy. I have read some online resources and will be shortly pursuing a meeting with a lawyer who handles surrogacy, but in the short term, your anecdotes may be helpful. I am particularly concerned about what the experience is REALLY like (for both sides, for Moms, for Dads, etc.), and the ways in which I might be manipulated (emotionally, financially, etc.) by surrogacy and conception clinics. As an example, one promises to match a carrying mother and intended family within 14 days - that seems ridiculously short and somewhat suspect. The issue is not so much the time, but that seems like a "hook" promise designed to prey on me, somehow.

PLEASE: The loss of my child is recent. I AM seeing a grief and family support counselor, weekly. I do NOT intend on rushing through this process too quickly, but see no reason to delay getting educated. I am also considering adoption, but this question is NOT "adoption versus surrogacy". I appreciate that surrogacy is medically and legally complicated, all will of course be pursuing the appropriate channels of guidance, should I take this path. Thank you.

Blind Leading the Blind?

Dr. Zira — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 12:06:30 -0800

Just returned from a trip to the animal shelter looking for a second dog to adopt. Found a very sweet blind Aussie Shephard and fell in love. Need help to see if this is a good match: Can anyone share experiences/special challenges with caring for a blind dog? Other relevant information:
We have a ~ 5 yr old male aussie or border collie/golden retriever mix that we adopted from the same shelter several years ago, so in addition to the challenges with a special needs dog, I have some concerns about how he'd do with another dog. Our dog is very sweet and gets along very well with other dogs, but he's a high energy herding dog.

The Blind Aussie (he was a stray, so not sure of exact age, but was marked as "young") seemed very sweet, but in the short time I was there, couldn't get him to walk when I took him out of his cage. I think this was mostly fear, as he seemed to walk around just fine in his cage/pen. He would obviously need a lot of adjustment to our home should we adopt him.

He can't be a vampire. He doesn't sparkle in the sunlight.

MsMolly — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 17:07:38 -0800

Can I get a second cat without wrecking my first one's life? About eight months ago I became the fourth (and hopefully final) home for a "troubled" cat. Chewy is probably about 5 years old, front declawed by whoever owned him first, used to be indoor-outdoor, but is now completely indoor, and is a bit of a biter (understatement). He came to me from his most recent home because he couldn't seem to settle in with the four other cats in the house. Apparently, despite his size and his ability to fight quite effectively, he got agitated and uncomfortable when, as his former owner put it, "the other cats would come up to him and just look at him." We thought maybe his being the only cat in a household would calm him down and stop his "misplaced aggression" (jerkiness).

So eight months on, he's pretty happily settled in, except his thing for biting bruisingly hard even when completely unprovoked hasn't gone away. (Video NSFW because of some cussin'.) He's really smart, and I wonder if part of his aggression comes from being bored, even though I play with him every day (string, laser pointer, etc.)

I'd love to give him another cat to keep him busy, but would only want to do it if it would actually improve the quality of life for both animals. If it's going to just stress him out I don't want to do it. I already need to use Feliway just to keep his biting to a minimum.

So my question, finally, is -- has anyone ever had a similarly "problem" cat who didn't get along with large groups of cats but enjoyed a single buddy? And if so, is there a good age/gender/temperament match for a 5 year old neutered male?

What information is too much?

Anonymous — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 07:33:17 -0800

My wife and I are adopting a six year old boy with a tragic past. When he was two, his mother shot and killed his father in front of him. We are as yet unaware of how much he recalls or knows about the specifics. My experience with adults who try to recall what they were like at age six is that half don't remember - much less what happened at age two.
We have an added layer to the question of how to discuss his adoption with him - how should we handle questions about his family? What else do we need to know?
He has been in foster care. He is seeing a psychologist. I am told he is a bit morbid, on the level of the young Alvy Singer in Annie Hall - but in my book, that's healthy.
Should we avoid all things with reference to death or killing? (Difficult to do, even in children's stories) My choice would be to embrace the gentle side of morbidity, a la the Addams family or the films of Tim Burton such as Corpse Bride. Or will this feed further into his morbidity?

Help me find a reputable toy/miniature poodle breeder.

orangeshoe — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 11:38:56 -0800

Recommendations for a reputable toy/miniature poodle breeder, especially those located in the Northeast Corridor? I have decided to adopt a toy/miniature poodle and have been tirelessly researching breeders for several months now. Of course, I have found many poodles for sale, but am too keenly aware of the atrocities of the puppy mill and backyard breeder and will not have any part in supporting such operations. Can anyone suggest a reputable, responsible toy/miniature poodle breeder who truly understands the breed and is knowledgeable about the breed's unique characteristics and health issues? Please bear in mind that I have no desire to show. My chief concern is to find a healthy poodle of sound temperament to become a lifelong family companion.

As an aside, I would certainly be open to adopting a pure toy/miniature poodle (pure breed is a must as allergies are an issue in my household), however, I have received little to no responses to my various emails to rescue organizations. Thus please keep your referrals limited to poodle breeders unless you have a specific connection to a rescue organization.

Need adopt-a-penguin recommendations. Yes, that's what I said.

NikitaNikita — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 17:21:15 -0800

Recommendations wanted for "adopt a penguin" gift donations. This penguin research organization came up, but can't find any info if it's legit or not. Links to other recommended/donation-worthy animal "adoption"/charitable gift sites welcome too. To clarify, I'm trying to make a donation on someone else's behalf as a christmas gift. I've done this at my local zoo, but I also need some penguins. :) Thanks!

Seeking Fortin, my grandfather

azieger — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 19:59:32 -0800

I'm doing a family tree. As part of doing this, I'm trying to trace the ancestors of my maternal grandfather, Lawrence Fortin. The problem is that not only did he die before I was born (in the 40s), as it turns out he was adopted by the Fortin family. The question is, where on earth do I begin in finding records on Lawrence Fortin and who his biological family was? Note: unfortunately, I'm starting out knowing nothing about him, since my late grandmother kicked him out in the late 40s and disliked talking about him. My mom doesn't remember him. All I can tell you is that they lived in Worcester, MA during their marriage and were probably married there.

By the way, in case this helps sleuths out there, he allegedly died at age 28 (again, late 40s), of cirrhosis of the liver (you see why grandma booted him), in a hospital in Rhode Island.

Also, at the risk of being obvious, from my other geneological studies I've learned that many, many Fortins emigrated from Quebec around the turn of the century. Don't know if that helps or not.

Adoption Disqualifiers

fugitivefromchaingang — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 12:36:11 -0800

What are some reasons a person would not be able to adopt or foster parent in the United States? This is for the purposes of a story I'm writing; sorry about the hypothetical nature of the question, but I'm really stuck. I understand having a sex crime on one's record would be one reason, and being gay (in some states) would be another, but I'm interested in others. Thanks in advance.

Support and name for problem needed.

Anonymous — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 09:48:37 -0800

What to call a child who grows up thinking one man is her father when it turns out to be someone else entirely? Asking on behalf of a friend:

Mother got pregnant many years ago by Man A. Mother lied to Man A, said child wasn't his. Child grows up thinking Man B is biological father. Mother tells Child that Man A is biological father after Man A's sister recognizes Child in very small town.

Child has met Man A, but is unsure of what steps to take next. (Child and Man A live about 14 hours drive apart. Man A also has wife and other children.) Child feels very upset with Mother for keeping secret for many years (during which time period, Child went to college and has had a baby of her own). There is no official paperwork between any of the adults in this situation (as far as Child knows).

Questions:
What is the name for a situation like this? Half-abandoned child? Sort-of adoptee?
Are there any sort of support groups or blogs or books or whatever for other people who have been in this sort of situation?

Anonymized for privacy.

If Brangelina can do it, why can't we?

geekchic — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 16:38:07 -0800

How difficult is adopting a child going to be for a "non-traditional" couple? My significant other and I planning our future together and have decided adopting a child is something we want to do (having a child the way nature intended is not in the cards for us, sadly). However, we've heard rumblings of the difficulties average couples have with the adoption process and we're concerned we're going to run into trouble.

The first issue is we may not go for a traditional state-sanctioned "marriage." To oversimplify for the sake of brevity, we're boycotting marriage until it's a right that's allowed every American citizen. Whether that means a civil union, common-law marriage, or "living-with-partner-but-not-married" situation will probably depend on where we decide to settle.

The second issue is we are an interracial couple (I'm white, he's of Mexican descent). We've heard over and over that agencies will try to "match" couples with children that are the same color as them. But we're not the same color, so then what?

Other information about us if it makes a difference - we're in our mid-twenties and would like to adopt within the next five years. We're financially stable (only debt at this point is student loan) and have good careers. We are strongly considering staying in the Midwest (most likely Minnesota) to start our family.

What kind of a battle are we in for?