I am the child of an adoptee, the birth mother of whom is non-white. Now I'm planning to be an adopter, most probably of a child who is also non-white. [more inside]
My husband and I are talking about starting a family in a year or two, when we’ve paid off some debt. At this point I'm just beginning to do research and figure out how the process works, but I am curious if my situation will be a stumbling block. [more inside]
I would totally be willing to take in a kid who has been disowned by his/her parents for being LBTG. Is there somewhere I could register for that? Note: I am legally married cisgender woman with three young children of my own. Not being gay myself, there should be no legal obstacles in that regard. I'm just trying to connect with a disowned population.
Just beginning the complex/overwhelming/fraught process of exploring domestic infant adoption, and looking for help in sorting out a lot of conflicting information and emotions about agencies and ethics. [more inside]
We have the opportunity to adopt a 6.5-year-old child who previously suffered from neglect and malnutrition, but does not show signs of trauma or lack of attachment. What do we need to consider, know and act upon right away? [more inside]
How can I figure out what dog I want to adopt, when it's so hard for me to meet with them? [more inside]
My beloved little cat (complete with a twitter account) died in the early hours on monday. I live alone and *feel* really alone without a furry, purring, mice chasing feline in my life. Is there any rule of thumb on the right delay between burying a cat and adopting a new one ?
We adopted a preschool age waiting child from rural Ethiopia a few years ago who was portrayed as having "developmental and physical problems from severe malnutrition," a birth mom who had passed away and an elderly father who was sick and could no longer care for the child. We have discovered since then that there are disparities in what we were led to believe about the situation leading to our child's relinquishment and we are trying to figure out how to navigate opening up the adoption with the birth family in rural Ethiopia. And this is going to be difficult. [more inside]
Washington state recently enacted a law that allows adoptees to request and receive a copy of their original birth certificate. I was adopted from Washington state, I know my birth name and my birth mother's name but I was still surprised by a couple things that were not on the copy I received. [more inside]
Which of the several commercial DNA ancestry tests would be the best for a 44 year old man trying to find his African American relatives and ancestry. The man is adopted, his biological mother is white. He's met her but she remembers few details about his African American biological father, not enough to make him findable. He is hoping that a DNA test might help him to find out more about his father and his father's family.
Can a young energetic kitty and an older mellow kitty make a good pair? [more inside]
How does my genetic father go about legally acknowledging me as his daughter? Right now, legally, my birth certificate has my father listed as 'Undeclared'. You are not my lawyer, but can you point me in the right direction? [more inside]
Hey There Everyone, I'm looking for examples in movies, TV, theater, fiction, non-fiction, etc. that show older children being rescued and adopted by people who they are not related to. Thanks so much!
I have a relative who is a newish parent, having recently adopted several children that were in her care as foster children for about a year prior to the adoption. As part of that process, she took parenting classes. But I think she needs more information as each child progresses through development (things like discipline, how to handle strong emotions in children, behavior issues, self-care for herself). My relative will not voluntarily read a book and she generally doesn't learn best through reading. [more inside]
Is there a formal term for situations where a person chooses not to buy something (or adopt some behavior) because the people who have bought it are "not like me"? [more inside]
My partner and I just found out last night that we have been chosen as adoptive parents to a baby... who is due in September! So, suddenly lots to do and lots to learn. Where do we even start?! Instruction manuals, blogs, scholarly articles, To Do Lists, To Don't Do Lists... What are the resources you found indispensable? Which did you find later that you wished you'd had earlier? Which are a waste of my time? We have wonderful family and friends who I know will help us figure all of this out, but I need to start building up my own arsenal of resources.
I am working to become an adoption counselor with a local no-kill animal shelter. What are some innocuous yet revealing questions that may have worked for you in a similar type of situation? [more inside]
Right now, there is a chance that my husband and I may be the adopters of my niece's child. She and the father have drug addictions and have surrended their parental rights. The child is now living with her grandparents, but they are very stressed by the situation and might ask us to take her. We are ready to do so, but I'd like to know what we're getting into. [more inside]
Do I need to disclose the fact that I was a victim of domestic violence five years ago in my home study/international adoption application? If I don't, is there any way they could find out about it? [more inside]
I found out that I have a half brother five years ago. I got curious, then thanks to the internet, I was able to locate him a year ago. We (mom included) have been in touch, and he wants to be a part of our family, which I love as I am an only child raised by a single mom. The catch: He has problems with addiction, the law, and being employed. [more inside]
In the process of helping post my late grandfather's digitized papers online, I found his adoption paperwork (he made no secret of being adopted, but didn't talk about it much). It gave enough information that I was able to find that my grandfather had a brother, who apparently is still alive. I'm not sure what to do next; it's good to know there's more family out there (my father has few living relatives), but I'm not sure how happy others in my family will be with the reality, and the same may go for my grandfather's newly-discovered relatives. Advice would be helpful; details below. [more inside]
Sometime in the middle-distance future, Mr. Dorinda and I want to start a family. Since babies that share our genes are not an option for us, we're looking for recommendations for books, websites, organizations, and other resources that can help us to think about and prepare for the process of adopting a child, on both an abstract (i.e. what does this mean?) and a practical (i.e. what do we do?) level. [more inside]
My husband and his ex wife put their only child up for adoption 24 years ago (when he was about a year old). My husband's ex wife reached out to me almost 6 years ago asking if my husband (her ex) wanted to have a relationship with the child they put up for adoption. My husband wanted that opportunity. He reached out to the son several times, received no or limited responses. [more inside]
Coincidence or something real? Two "relatives" have contacted me with a similar story: born to teenage mothers in Indianapolis in the 1960s or 1970s. Was there a home for unwed mothers there? [more inside]
How do I find my birth parents? [more inside]
Researching for a story filter: Is there one federal US law that forbids selling babies/children? If so, can you point me to the law itself? Bonus points for information about which year this passed and what opposition the legislation faced. My story would concern a baby born in the 1950s, most likely. [more inside]
When we brought home a new pup from a local rescue organization three months ago, we had no idea we were getting involved with a Crazy Lady. The adoption STILL isn't finalized and we really want to make it official and never deal with them again. Help me understand if their requests are reasonable and officially adopt my dog! [more inside]
At age 43, I found my birth family. (Original post. MeTa.) In addition to my birth mother and many other relatives, I've gained an adult sister. I'm now 44 and she's 29. We're slowly getting to know each other. My birth mother informed me the day we met last June that I'd be going to my sister's (up until then her only daughter, as far as the world knew) wedding in Key West in March. I was so thrilled by the whirlwind of everything, and I wanted to keep the hoopla surrounding my integration into the family as minimally disruptive to her planning the big event, that I've kind of forgotten something important until now: What on earth should I get her as a wedding present? [more inside]
My son's teacher, my spouse, and I have concerns about a few different, but possibly related, issues with my 9 year old son. What kind of place should we bring him to for an evaluation? I'm looking for suggestions either about general kinds of places you might bring a kid to get an evaluation or for specific places in Portland, Oregon. Any other input on these individual issues, including how they might be related, is welcome as well. [more inside]
Due to an emergency rescue, my plans for introducing a new foster dog have been pushed up significantly to tonight. There is one problem, I'm the only one around tonight and by the time, I pick her up - it will be super dark so introducing dogs in a neutral location is out. Help me make this as smooth as possible. [more inside]
I recently lost my cat, and I would like to go to the local humane society to adopt another one. I would like to find a balance between selecting a cat that would both best fit the requirements of our household and one that would probably a lower chance of being adopted. Can you help me identify traits to look for? [more inside]
What can I do to make my home "dog-proof" for the new 18-month-old dog I'm getting from a shelter? And what can I do to ease the trauma for him of moving to a completely new home? [more inside]
Sorry for a kitty adoption question, but I need the power of the hivemind. I'm trying to decide if I should adopt this particular cat, or look for another one! Need to make a choice quick - snowflake issues beneath the fold. [more inside]
My husband and I are in the process of adopting a dog. Based on online profiles and email conversations with foster families, we've got it narrowed down to two pups that have been fostered through two local rescue groups. Now we are scheduling in-person meetings with the dogs and "home visits" where they send a volunteer to make sure our house is ok for a dog. Should we be telling each group that we are deciding between two dogs, which we're meeting on Thursday and Friday? [more inside]
I adopted two stray kittens just under a year ago. I am mildly allergic and planned to keep them temporarily, but grew quite attached. I am constantly on the road for work take them around from hotel to hotel with me, which is not ideal. On top of that, my permanent living situation is changing and I will be living with someone with severe cat allergies. I need to find a home for these two as soon as possible. I have exhausted my possible friends and family options. I really would like them to be able to stay together, as they are quite good buddies. I don't like the idea of giving them to a shelter, though I am beginning to see it may be the only option here. If it's useful, I am going back and fourth between Scranton, PA and Pittsburgh, PA right now, in case anyone has suggestions that are location specific. Does anyone have advice about facilities or other ways that I might try to find them a home? Tobias and Tzipora and I thank you.
I've taken steroids and screwed up my erection. I need my GP to write an assessing of my suitability for adoption. How badly have I screwed things up? [more inside]
Our daughter, "Mimi," is a divorced single 38 year-old mother of three who lives about 4 hours away. Over the past two years we've become quasi-surrogate parents to "Kato," a 26-year old guy who we like very much. Kato recently moved into our guest house and so six weeks ago he and Mimi met when she and her kids were visiting: obvious sparks. We promptly left on a four week trip and surmised that they were hooking up. But no one said anything after we returned and we kept mum, thinking that perhaps it had run its course. Last night Kato dropped the big bomb: Mimi's pregnant and they want to keep the baby and "make it work." [more inside]
I need advice regarding how to find a new home for a cat that my ex roomie abandoned and left me with. [more inside]
My partner and I would like to adopt, one day. We haven't figured out when yet but... should we? How long does it take, or what is the likely range of time, from the point at which you fill out the first form from the day you have a new member of the family under your roof? [more inside]
I have some questions about how to best bring a new dog into a new home. [more inside]
Kitten adoption - How to predict future domestic short-hair happiness? [more inside]
I am seeking book recommendations to prepare myself and my husband for adoption. Do you know of any reading material that is just fantastic and must be read, or that was very helpful to you? Further clarification inside. [more inside]
My wife and I have talked of adopting a dog for a while. Following the untimely passing of one of our cats, this is more feasible, and could help console us. But we have questions for adopting a dog in our desert climate, and on dogs coming into a family with a baby, and a cat. And we're concerned about being good owners, as our time at home is limited during the week. Also, we're discussing what a good age range for an adoptable dog would be. Details inside. [more inside]
What are the chances an openly polyamorous couple could adopt an older child from the foster system? [more inside]
I impulsively adopted a Maine Coon mix over the weekend. Now I'm realizing this may have been a stupid thing to do given I have a Persian and am already drowning in cat fur. Should I return him before I get too attached? [more inside]
A sweet mama cat and her kitten were abandoned at a friend's house outside of Austin. I agreed to foster them for a bit, but we're going on week three, and tensions are building between the fosters and my two regular kitties. Bonus complication: Mama cat has now gone into heat (I think). Yikes. [more inside]
Late 30s, unplanned pregnancy, unstable relationship, confused. This is my first time posting here so please bear with me. I'm in my late 30s, divorced, with a 9-year-old child. For the past 2 years, I've been involved with a man I love dearly...however, our relationship has always been rather tumultuous. He has bipolar disorder, and when we met, he was not taking medication or under any type of psychiatric care. I didn't know how to handle his mood swings, irrational accusations of infidelity/dishonesty, and controlling behaviors so I broke up with him. A few months later he contacted me and said he was under the care of a psychiatrist, medicated, and stable. We got back together. Things were better, but still rocky at times. We were engaged for a few months last fall, had another falling out, and got back together. We decided it was best to hold off on marriage for a while. He owns his home but is currently unemployed, living off savings and has tenants who are essentially covering the mortgage. [more inside]
I'm looking for a book meant for small children, probably around age 6, about adoption. The cover pictures a white couple with two adopted (non-caucasian, I think, probably of different races) children. It would have been available at least in 1987-1990 (kind of fuzzy on the year) in New Jersey or thereabouts, USA. It was an English language book. [more inside]
My wife and I have a 3 year old, which for the sake of anonymity we will call John. He is the joy of my life, but biologically speaking, not mine. I am wondering if we should tell him, if so, how, and at what age we should tell him? Any Mefites who have experience either adopting or being adopted who have helpful input on this, it would be greatly appreciated. [more inside]