Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with addiction

Do people really change?

elektrotechnicus — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 22:01:56 -0800

I'm looking for figures on will-power. How many people who try to lose weight, quit smoking, kick an addiction, start exercising, etc. will be successful (particularly long term)? In other words, I'm looking for experimental or population studies on how often people are able to change their behavior in significant ways when they resolve to do so. Well supported anecdotal data about large groups ("vietnam vets were(n't) largely able to quit heroin on coming home") is only slightly less appreciated.

MoTG Help!

HabeasCorpus — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 00:11:51 -0800

I've never been so addicted in my life... I think I'm addicted to Magic the Gathering: Online. I don't know what is wrong with me. Seriously. I feel pretty silly posting about this, but I'm moderately concerned. I've been playing this game for 3+ hours a day, on bad days 5+ hours for maybe a month now. It's interfering with my life, and I want it to stop. It interferes with my school work and my sleeping habits. It feels...out of control. I tried deleting the game. I re-installed it. I tried having my GF change the password. That worked for a week, until I retrieved it via email. Then I started playing regularly again. (isn't that objectively sketch-ball behavior?) I left my computer at my friends house by accident for a couple days, and didn't play. My GF came over for Thanksgiving, and I didn't play. During the periods where I don't play, I seem totally fine. I don't miss it, or crave it. But I inevitably come back to the game and start playing excessively.

Here's some relevant info about me. I smoke. Otherwise I don't have, nor have I ever experienced, any addictive habits. I've always been fine with drugs and alcohol, and can take them or leave them...and since college, I've really not bothered with them on a regular basis. I had one similar incident like this. In 10th grade I played Everquest excessively. Very excessively. I ended up deleting my character, which solved the problem.

I'm a 1L in law school, and I need to study more, and this issue is getting in my way. I definitely use this video game as a "break", or to relax. But I always say "Ok, a few rounds" and then end up losing my whole afternoon, or evening, or finding myself awake at 3AM. This type of behavior isn't relaxing: the resulting loss of time, the effect on my sleeping pattern, and the feeling of not being in control, just adds to the anxiety. To be fair, I moved away from my GF and my good friends to attend law school, and graduate school feels more isolating. I get enough of my work done. I'm not at the point where I don't do my work: I do a perfectly adequate job. But 1L year appears to be something like a nuclear arms-race, and I feel like I'm sitting around with some Hiroshima-era A-Bombs while other law students are busy building multiple re-entry ICBMS. These are probably relevant data points.

So: What should I do? Nothing? Evaluate and deal with the substantive issues in my life rather than worry about this? Worry about this? I would like Metafilter's opinion. I haven't often found myself in a position where I am (a) feeling out of control, or (b) retreating into a card game , something"relaxing", for so long it begins to negatively impact other areas of my life, or (c) unable to deal with the game in any form of moderation. It wouldn't be a problem if I felt like I could say "Hey, 45 minutes a day Max". I would like myself to set a reasonable goal and stick with it, though I am unable to. How do I deal with this generally, and how do I deal with this NOW, with finals approaching in a few weeks?

need advice on how to avoid smoking relapse

marimeko — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 12:36:53 -0800

Ex smokers: What did you do to get past certain stages of withdrawal? Info: I quit smoking without any type of nicotine replacement about four weeks ago. I've quit many times, the longest being for four months.

A few weeks into quitting (as is currently the case) my mind always tends to resort to dirty tricks to get me to relapse (things like constant, unwanted smoking "nostalgia", or the idea that without smoking I "will never enjoy anything ever again"). It may take a couple of months, but it (my own mind!) is very convincing, as so far this has always resulted in me smoking.

PS: I've tried Wellbutrin twice and it had no effect on me other than making me anxious. Also, I want to avoid re-intoducing nicotine back into my system in the form of NRT.

Thanks!

"What are you doing?" "I'm ending our friendship." NOOOOO!

Anonymous — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 08:34:59 -0800

Help! Can I salvage this friendship even after experiencing the searing pain of rejection? (CAUTION: lengthy beanplating)

Okay. About six months ago, I posted a smart, sassy personal ad under "strictly platonic" on the local Craigslist (not in the US) seeking someone to talk to, hang out with, with the intention of expanding my social circles and being introduced to someone else's social circle. It was w4m since most of my friends (maybe 90%) are girls and I don't have enough guy friends. Having never used CL before, I was surprised by the caliber of responses, mostly coming from interesting, articulate people, and ended up hanging out with someone who really did turn into a friend, and corresponded with a couple more who were local, but were currently assigned elsewhere for work.

Enter: The Man I Speak Of. Despite being an American in America and being over a decade older than me and never having made a friend over the Internet before, he replied to my ad. He had been to my city some years ago, and he worked in the airline industry and so could pretty much fly anywhere. Now, of course, being a MeFite and having been a nethead for 14 years, I am no stranger to online interactions with people from around the world, and upon the requisite Googlestalking, he seemed to be everything he said he was, so I thought, what the hey, why not? He wasn't the best speller, but he still seemed articulate, had a questioning mind, liked to think on his feet, an extrovert, was also interested in books and movies and music, and best of all, he was extremely funny and there was a certain je ne sais quoi in the way he wrote that just made his personality jump off the page. (I'm sure you can see where this is going.) Our highly enthusiastic e-mails escalated in frequency to daily, and eventually we also started chatting daily (with the occasional voice chat). At one point we were chatting twice a day for hours, despite the time differences: when I woke up and he was getting ready for bed, and when he woke up and I was getting ready for bed. We would even chat when he was traveling. If we couldn't chat, he would e-mail or leave an offline message, some little nugget for me to find. (Data point: he was on extended leave from work, and I was between jobs.) I can't even remember what we talked about, mostly getting-to-know-you stuff and common interests I suppose. He would jokingly censor himself when I complained that he ranted too much. We had a strange relationship. It was still strictly platonic on the surface, even somewhat paternal, but clearly we were getting very attached to each other. Eventually, we decided that this wasn't very healthy, and decided to cut back to chatting only once a day. The next time he traveled, he didn't bring his laptop. He started attending adult classes and working on a writing project, so he would have some accomplishments to show for when he comes back from his leave. Good, right?

Three months into it, I'm not sure how, our voice chat turned somewhat flirtatious when he complimented my voice and my laugh. I was flattered, and of course I really liked him, but I wasn't sure if I could put any stock into it, since we hadn't met. He had sent me his picture, but while he wasn't unattractive, I wasn't sure if I was attracted to it, or to him physically, so I kept myself in check. Then, maybe a week later, he started acting strange and distant. I didn't catch him online for days, and he didn't leave any notes. It seemed like he was avoiding me. So then I ask what's up, and he goes "What am I going to do with you?" Then he admited that he had a drinking problem, that he couldn't lie to me, that he had been thinking hard about it because he wanted to be more than friends, that he knew he could be very charming, but that he didn't want me to make any emotional investment in him without knowing this very huge thing and he was worried I would write him off.

Well, dear MeFites, I didn't write him off but I also didn't know how to handle the bomb he dropped. (I mean, up until this worldly older man, I had mostly been involved with geeky types, engineer types, and sensitive indie musician types.) I really, really, really liked him, but I told him that it was something I could handle if we were friends, but that it would definitely be a problem if we were to be more than friends. So, we stayed friends, and of his own volition, he started seeing a doctor and going to AA meetings. I tried to be very, very supportive and help him stay positive. He had previously kicked his smoking habit, I knew he could do it. The tenor of our conversations changed: deeper, more serious. We both expressed a desire to lighten up, but for some reason it would constantly tip towards the heavy end.

In spite of myself, I started to develop feelings for him. Rationally, I knew it wasn't a good idea, but I couldn't help feeling tender and affectionate after he showed such vulnerability. I started becoming uncomfortable with the nature of his friendship with an attractive married colleague he had a crush on, and even more uncomfortable that he vaguely implied having had "friends with benefits" and outright upset at the possibility of him jumping on an opportunity if it arose. Yet I didn't necessarily want to be "with" him and it felt unfair, I didn't own him. But I liked him a lot and felt very attached to him. He had asked me out to see a certain movie and he planned on coming to my city for a week, but that no longer seemed to be on the horizon (he said it would be December at the soonest) given all the things he wanted to do (lose weight, attend more classes, do the 90 meetings in 90 days in AA, complete the writing project), and so we chatted less and less.

And then the disaster happened. I won't give any details because I don't want to turn this into a pity party, but a major natural disaster ravaged the region, and we were pretty badly hit. I sought him out for comfort, and he in turn was supportive towards me. He seemed to really want to help, but realistically there was nothing I could ask him to do.

I lost my Internet, and we no longer chatted regularly. Then I learned to tether my mobile phone and logged on more, but he would no longer go online at the "regular" times, unless we set up a time to chat. But even when we set up a time to chat, and I would be late for a few minutes because I had trouble connecting or grabbed a bite before logging on, he would not wait for me like he used to, now that I didn't have a constant connection. One time, just to prove my hunch, I was online right on the dot and stayed invisible. He was late, stayed online for 3 minutes, and left without leaving an offline message or e-mail. I felt him growing cold. Maybe he lost interest. Maybe there was someone else. He did say there was a woman he liked who he wanted to be his sponsor, but according to AA rules it had to be another man. I asked him to tell me if something was up. He said the only thing that had changed was his schedule, that he couldn't keep up the same hours he used to, and that it would be the same if he went back to work.

A month after the disaster, I was grasping at straws, I couldn't stand it anymore. I wrote him a longish e-mail explaining why I was acting strange, that I felt that I was losing him, that I felt confused and may have feelings for him, that I missed him, and lighter times. I said that I had to lay low for a while, and maybe later on I would be back to my rational self and be happy for him and the new developments in his life. I told him he didn't have to reply. Well, he did reply and say that he could go online at 9:00am his time the next day. So I went online and waited. And waited. And waited. An hour later, he was still not online, so I fired off a line about how it was getting ridiculous. He e-mailed back and apologized for forgetting, noted that I seemed mad, and said that since I kept late hours, he thought he might still catch me. I said that it was just that after I had sent that embarrassing e-mail, going online to chat with him felt like having to face the firing squad, and that when he didn't show up, I felt like an idiot, but that I meant it that he didn't have to reply. (I partly wished he wouldn't, as I wanted it to be a swan song of sorts.) He sent a couple of e-mails a few days apart, pretending to work on a response, and when the actual "response" came (a one-word text file) I wondered if he was just dicking me around or if it was part of a running gag between us (him building up something which ends up being nothing, applied to jokes, anecdotes, faux documents). However, I was too sore about previous events that I didn't dignify it with a response until two weeks later, just one line. He asked me how a trip I took was. I replied with just information about the trip and nothing more. Since then, silence.

It hurts so much.

I know, I know, I know, it was a stupid thing to do and this only means he doesn't feel the same, and he has offered no reassurance. I can't seem to get it into my head that even though he once indicated he wanted to be more than friends, he no longer feels the same way.

I can't stop thinking about him. Why am I so attracted to his words? It feels like an addiction, and I'm experiencing withdrawal. But I know that even I got what I wanted, it would still be unhealthy, that continuing to chat with him would be an incredibly bad idea for both of us. I know I need to stay away. Yet I do still want to be friends with this man. I still value his insights and opinions, and I like him a lot as a person regardless of all that has happened.

How do I deal with my feelings for him?
How do I make it hurt less?
Most importantly, how can I save our friendship?

I am at the end of my rope. I don't know what to do.

Helping addicts without AA/NA

RabbitRun — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 01:20:35 -0800

How can I help people struggling with addicition (in London) without having to deal with AA/NA? Since I've stopped drinking ten years ago and have gotten my life back together more or less (it can take a while ...), I think I'm ready and want to help others experiencing similar trouble. My problem is that for various reasons I reject AA/NA and in fact find their approach to some extent counter-productive and harmful. Yet, I am aware that some institutional structure is needed to connect and help people with addiction problems, so my question is: are there groups in London one can join, that are not based on the ideological framework of NA/AA or similar, but effective in helping people?

I know that the first port of call for addicts seeking help will always be AA/NA, so that I would only be able to help people who for some reason or other reject it as well, but I am unable to change this and if I can help a few of those, that would be good enough for me. Also, please don't turn this into a big debate about AA/NA, they have been fought elsewhere and my mind is made up in this regard.

Cheers

I'm really not loving it.

heavenstobetsy — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 17:14:44 -0800

Did you quit fast food? How? I'm beginning to think that I'm addicted to McDonalds. I'm overweight (surprise) and have been working out 4 times a week (an hour each) for about 2 months. I feel a lot better, BUT I haven't lost any weight. I eat healthy breakfast and lunch, but I'm having A LOT of trouble not grabbing McDonalds on my way home from work. I've struggled with this for years. I basically grew up on fast food, having been raised by a single father who did not (but does now!) cook. Basically it's a habit I've had since I was a kid.

I've googled extensively about this, and what I've found has helped, such as thinking of the effects the McDonalds corp. has on the environment, their workers, farmers, etc. I've tried picturing my no doubt clogged arteries, calculated what I'm spending, to no avail. Which sounds horrible, I know. Each of those things should be a pretty strong deterrent, yet apparently not strong enough to overrule my fast food impulse.

For the record, I'm female, 27 years old, and Canadian if that makes any difference whatsoever.

So, anyone been in a similar situation or have any ideas that may help me quit this? Any help/advice is appreciated. I'm sick and tired of seeing my hard work at the gym nullified by my fast food intake.

Drug addiction in the 50's-70's

TheJoven — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 21:02:08 -0800

Was there a measured increase in drug addiction due to the hippie movement? What were the drug addiction rates like in the 1950's compared to the 60's and 70's. Are there any resources that have historical data on addiction rates and the particular substances popular at the time? This spawned from a discussion I was having with a coworker about the drug war and he claims that drug use increased greatly due to the loosening of social mores and the liberation of permissible actions. Is there any data out there that covers drug use and addiction for the transition from the more conservitive 50's early 60's and into the more liberal late 60's and 70's?

Help me remember the name of this horror/sci-fi movie from my childhood (circa 1991).

Mr_Crazyhorse — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 13:16:40 -0800

I am trying to figure out the name of a horror/sci-fi movie from my childhood. It's a movie where a guy wakes up one day and he has a little alien slug/worm that lives on the back of his neck and talks to him. The alien has drilled a hole in the back of his neck and now injects a powerful narcotic/hallucinogen directly into his brain and controls the guy's life. Nobody knows about the alien slug, and at the end of the movie, he squeezes the alien slug to death and it administers a lethal dose to him, and his head blows up. Name that movie! As I'm older I realize it was a metaphor for drug addiction... and frequently try and explain the plot of the movie to people as best as I can remember. It was probably released around 1991. It may have gone straight to DVD or cable. TIA

Possible porn addict looking for options

Anonymous — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 18:25:12 -0800

Am I addicted to pornography? If I am, what can I do? Is there a Porn Addicts Anonymous? This is a question I have wanted to ask for a while but didn't think I could until right about now when, after days of not looking at porn, I had a short online viewing session and felt bad (again!). I am mainly looking to hear from other people who have been in this place and have advice based on their experience, though I am grateful for any input.

My questions are: 1) Am I addicted to pornography, as opposed to just being another horny 20-something? 2) If I am, what can I do? I have seen therapists, and have recently been considering attending a group - but I really don't know where to go, or what I might be getting into.

Number One. Am I an addict? The fact that I even need to ask is, I realise, a big give away, but I am still confused.

I started seeing pornography at an early age and it soon became a significant part of my daily routine. I had unlimited access to the net from my early teens and have regularly found myself, all through school and college, looking at it for one or two hours a day, perhaps more. Those are hours when I had intended to do something else but ended up on the net instead. Partly this is because I was a student with little to do in general. Nowadays, I don’t find myself running off to the toilets at work to wank because I am too busy and barely think about it. But the urge hits me frequently in idle moments, and the kinds of things I want to look at tend to become more and more extreme over time. This worries me enormously and I have frequently had feelings of shame. I have desperately wanted to conceal the amount I looked at porn, and the material I looked at, from everyone I knew.

I saw a therapist, while younger, to help with feelings of inadequacy and urges I was deeply ashamed of. I have struggled to come to terms with the things I have occasionally run into online - some of it illegal, always accidentally stumbled across and swiftly deleted, some of it really distasteful things that I actively pursued. It was all stuff that left me ashamed of being found out and unhappy with who I was. After regular episodes of bottoming out, sometimes alienating others because of my usage, and then swearing off porn forever before slowly getting back into it, I recently took some fairly drastic measures. I went to a family member, admitted my problem, downloaded software that regulated my activities and let them choose the passwords. I use less porn but don’t feel fully accountable because I could, at worst, tell them to fuck off if they tried to confront me and there would not be much in the way of consequences. But it has had a substantial effect on me.

Things are different now to when I used it in the past. I look at vaguely sexy stuff maybe once a fortnight as opposed to hardcore porn once a day. I have a good job that I am proud to do, lots of friends, a girlfriend I love, and basically the kind of life I thought I would be doing well to have when I was younger and less confident. But I can’t shake off the pornography. It still haunts my thoughts at all hours. I feel like a dry drunk, not using but still with the same problems I always had. The bad feelings, in this ‘dry’ period, have certainly diminished but without quite going away.

I don’t know why I have these urges – is it plain old habit, or something much more powerful? – did something traumatic happen to me, or am I simply a normal guy who wants to have sex with lots of different girls and is looking for a release? There are those hours of the day when, in the past, I may have used porn. At these times, sex acts stick in my head on a loop. It is like I am watching them without a computer being there. The extreme stuff often comes to mind and I feel awful all over again. My girlfriend recently revealed that she was into a few of the practices I used to want to hide my interest in. But it wasn’t enough. I am beginning to think that even if I could do the naughtiest things to the hottest girl in the world, it wouldn’t be enough.

If I went into treatment, would I be expected to suppress urges that I think are normal? Like the urge to have sex with my girlfriend? I know it is called Sex Addicts Anonymous for a reason, but would I still need to put my physical relationship with my girlfriend on hiatus and basically give it away to her that I am trying to deal with something? I care about her very much and don't want to diminish our relationship or the sex life that bolsters it.

Number Two: I mentioned I saw a therapist when I was younger. I went back to him when the problem flared up again, responded to his sessions, and was referred to his colleague. I did not feel too great after the one session I had with this guy. Frankly, I felt like I was being both judged and ignored. The previous therapist seemed far better but even if he had the time to see me (he doesn’t) I would have to ask my parents for the money. They are aware of my problem and have always been supportive, but I don’t feel able to deal with it if they are in the mix. I want this to be between me and people who I see when I want to. I am still considering going back to the new guy (it might be too hasty to dismiss him) but the expensive private treatment just doesn’t seem a viable option. I read about an alcoholic’s experience in AA and was struck by his enthusiasm and the level of availability of meetings. They are on at all times, every day, no excuse for not going to one – and it beats the once a week forty five minutes, “I’m sorry but I have to stop you there,” treatment that this psychoanalyst offers. Is there an equivalent anonymous for me? Are meetings as frequent?

At the same time, I don’t want to think of myself as an addict because I wonder whether I am in possession of a bad habit rather than a full blown, soul destroying addiction. I am not doing illegal things or spending every hour of the whole day in front of the computer or keeping twenty girls on the go. I wonder – do I fit in to the sex addict category? Also, and as you can probably guess from the length of this post, I feel better when I express myself at length. I don’t know if sharing in bitty chunks with others is going to help. I don’t want to waste anyone’s time.

Practicalities of seeing a group - if you think I should go to a meeting, where can I go? I am based in London. Is there a site where meets are listed?

My work is very high profile and when it comes down to it all I would love to follow my bosses and achieve a strong personal media presence. Will group treatment ruin my prospects?

I am so sorry for the length of this essay and appreciate the chance to vent to you all. Thank you for any and all thoughts.

Throw away email address: addictithink@hotmail.co.uk

Me, Porn and the Web

Anonymous — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 17:54:16 -0800

I am a guy who would like to stop watching porn (watch on the internet). I don't judge others who watch it but it bothers me that I do. I don't do it often but porn has in some way been in my life since high school and now that I am married and in my late 30s, I still drift over to sites. (Frequency, I would say is once every few weeks)...I need to use my computer so getting rid of it is not currently available as an option. I finally admitted it to my wife because I wanted to stop and to my surprise, she has loved me and wants to support me anyway. Any tricks on stopping this habit, or book/web site recommendations are appreciated. I figure dropping ice cubes down my shorts would be a start!

Financial and addiction counselling needed in Barrie, Ontario

Anonymous — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 10:49:34 -0800

I need information on counselling services available in Barrie, Ontario. This information is for my brother, who is 40 years old and who currently lives in Barrie, Ontario, Canada. He’s an alcoholic, and has been for a good 20 years. He also used to do drugs, though I don’t know if he still does. He can’t manage money. He and his wife (who is also an alcoholic, and who can’t manage money either) have been separated for two years. When his wife first moved out he was determined to keep the cute, inexpensive house they bought in 2001, but it has recently gone into foreclosure. He probably has other consumer debt as well, and certainly he has no savings. There's no practical necessity for his finances to be in this condition as he has a secure job with a decent income (50 to 60K), the full use of a company vehicle and no dependants or other extra expenses. For the last year he’s been involved with another woman — my family doesn’t know much about her, but our impression is she isn't all that together either.

So, I guess I’m looking for addiction and probably also financial counselling, though I suspect the cost of my brother's heavy consumption of alcohol and cigarettes are the main cause of his financial woes. And this counselling needs to be free, or nearly so, because odds are he can’t or won’t want to pay for it. I’ve never spoken to him about his problems, but the next time I get a chance to speak to him alone I want to try to encourage him to get counselling, and to have contact information ready to give him so it'll be that much easier for him to take those first steps.

Thanks.

How to recover from a relapse

Anonymous — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 14:37:36 -0800

As an addict, have you dealt with a hidden relapse? I was sober for a year until last February. I have been hiding my relapse well since then but I know it will fall apart. How can I best tell the people who love me that I have fallen off the wagon? How did you do it? There is nothing obvious right now other than brutal honesty.

Unplanned Intervention over. Now what?

Anonymous — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 10:46:40 -0800

Unplanned Intervention over. Now what? Over the weekend I participated in an improptu intervention in my mom's hospital room. There have been ongoing issues with her for about 20 years or so for depression and meds, and after an on the job injury over a year ago and subsequent back surgery she is pretty much hooked on pain pills. According to her she tried to quit and ended up in the hospital after puking for several days. She's been battling with pills (pain, antidepressants) since I was a child, and I don't have a lot of sympathy for her anymore. I can't trust her. She says she wants help, and the social worker that showed up in the middle of the intervention said that was a good thing, but what she says and does are usually not the same. In her purse we found large bottles of oxycontin, vicoden, percoset, norco, and some other stuff. All her perscriptions. Don't know if it was all the same doctor or not.

My brother is trying to drag me into dealing with this, but to be honest (this is really sad) I don't care. She has burned me and played me and my family against each other for too long. In my mind if she knows that I am done that should help her come around. My wife disagrees.

So now we have to move forward. She was discharged yesterday and I think was sent home (with more norco. Thanks DOC!). My brother thinks they only away she is going to get help is an inpatient rehab, but we have no idea how that works/costs (social worker said insurance will not cover). He wants to help her find a place, but I think (and the social worker agrees) that SHE has to make the calls and get in somewhere. We cannot do this for her.

Here's the catch and the reason this is anon: She is a liscensed nurse in the state of California. I do not want to see her hurt someone on the job, but she needs to get clean and I want her to be able to work after she does. There is some discussion of her losing her liscense over this, even though she has been on disability for over a year becuase of the back damage. She is supposed to return to work next month.

So here are my questions. Any and all advice is welcome:

What does Rehab cost? Outpatient/Inpatient?
Will outpatient rehab work?
Is my hands off attitude going to help or hinder?
Will she lose her liscense?
Someone had mentioned support for addicted nurses programs, but I can't seem to find any on the web. Anyone heard of this?

Throwaway email: momneedshope@gmail.com

What if some crazy freak shot up vodka?

Avelwood — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 02:54:52 -0800

Shooting up alcohol intravenously? What? I was sitting around with a friend and a glass of wine when this topic came up. We had both heard of people doing it, but neither of us had anything more than hearsay to report. Maybe my Google-fu was a little dulled by the wine, but I couldn't turn up anything terribly reliable. All I could dig up on PubMed had to do with controlled, professionally done, clinical trials. (mostly on rats, cats, and sheep) Erowid, my usual source for crazy, drugged-out information didn't seem to touch on it either. Are there any doctors, nurses, or crazy alcoholics out there that could tell me what effect intravenous ethanol might have on someone crazy enough to do it?

I'm just asking here. No one's life hangs in the balance.

Why is World of Warcraft so addictive?

Sully — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 12:40:20 -0800

Why is World of Warcraft so addictive? I've curious about WoW. I've heard a lot about it - how there's millions of people playing it. But I've also heard that it's ruined lives.

There are some sites where people talk about how WoW has ruined their lives, but they only go into details about how their lives are ruined. They mention that WoW is incredibly addictive, but they never go into detail about how exactly WoW addicts them.

Even the short Youtube documentaries about WoW just talk about how many hours they spend on the game, how they miss classes, or ignore responsibilities. They talk about the fallout from WoW without looking at the mechanics - which is what I'm interested in.

I have to say, I kind of want to try it. I play a lot of single-player games, like Fable 2, Fallout 3, Crackdown. I'm familiar with reward systems, and am curious about WoW's. I mean, to get millions of players, they must have an incredible reward system. But I am also afraid that if I try the game, I will find it so rewarding that I won't want to stop.

I've even read things where people say they've been playing this one game for years - doesn't it become boring? Can someone who has played WoW dissect for me how WoW compels or manipulates you into coming back for more?

Thanks.

Should I try to convince my mother to move across the country so I can take care of her and improve our relationship?

Anonymous — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 08:51:08 -0800

Due to years of my mother’s mental illness, dependency on prescription medication, and wildly varying levels lying leading to all sort of trust issues, I am a 30-year old woman with a very complicated relationship with my aging mom. I feel more than a little guilt and sadness about this, and authentically would like to improve our relationship. There are, of course complications. I moved to the east coast about 6 years ago and am now happily engaged to a wonderful man who is from here and we have no plans to move to the west coast at any point in the near or foreseeable future. All of my family is in California, and we travel to visit them a few times a year. I do miss my family, but for the most part I feel good about my level of involvement with them as much as I can from a distance. My parents are divorced and my father has been remarried for over 10 years; my brother is a couple years older than I am. Basically, I feel like I have solid relationships with the two of them and though I’d like to see them more, I’m not worried about them in the same way that I am about my mother, because I know she is totally lacking a support system.

My mother has struggled with physical problems, mental illness, and various addictions (primarily to pain medication) for years. Our relationship is not what I would describe as close, but I do love her and care for her and it’s becoming very worrisome for me to think about what will happen to her during the course of the next few years. She does not work (she lives off of alimony and has tried over and over to be accepted for some sort of disability as well) and is constantly in and out of the hospital for her various medical ailments. She lives with her sister currently, but they have a very volatile relationship and I don’t think it’s healthy for her to remain there indefinitely. She recently inherited some money when her own parents passed away, and she has been talking about using the money to buy a mobile home to live in by herself. I do not think this is safe, and I am considering trying to talk her into moving near me.

If I lived in California, I have no doubt that I would be working harder on my relationship with her. Due to the geographic distance between us now, I speak with her occasionally, but my level of involvement in her life is limited. This is both because it is difficult for me to talk to her and hear about her problems over and over, and also because she purposely distances herself from me at times. She knows it upsets me to hear about her medical problems over and over, so when she is going through difficult times she just won’t be in touch. Several times over the past six years when I have been in California visiting family, something has come up with her health where she has said, “I don’t want you to see me like this, don’t come see me.” So, I won’t see her, and then I won’t have opportunity again for several months, and then I feel guilty, etc. etc. I do think that if we lived geographically closer, it would be a little easier to work through these issues.

I know that a lot of the issues between us are very long-standing and would not be solved simply by being closer geographically; however, on a very practical level I also just want to know that someone will be taking care of my mother as she gets older, and I don’t think anyone else is going to tackle this. She has burned a lot of bridges over the years, but now it seems that she is in a place where the addictions are gone and she truly is suffering from physical ailments and mental illness. I know I can’t fix her, but I would like to be able to spend time with her and try to improve our relationship while she’s still here.

Since I know that I will not be moving anytime soon, is it completely crazy to broach the idea of her moving here? Throwaway email is whatamamess@gmail.com

Quitting drinking: are the withdrawal symptoms I'm having from giving up alcohol, or caffeine?

Anonymous — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 10:35:08 -0800

Quitting drinking: are the withdrawal symptoms I'm having from giving up alcohol, or caffeine? I'm a female in my early 30s, and I've been drinking heavily for the better part of the past 10 years. Up until about 5 years ago, I would go out with friends around 5 nights a week, and drink a lot (enough to be heavily buzzed/drunk). When I moved to a new city, I still kept up the drinking, but not so much with the going out part, since I didn't know anyone in my new city. My drink of choice was always something mixed with cola (rum, usually).

I'd drink most days (6-7 days a week), skipping a day here or there if I had a really bad hangover. On normal days, I'd go through at least half a liter of rum, and a two liter bottle of cola. If I ever tried to go more than one day without drinking, I'd get a splitting headache that Advil couldn't touch.

I had my last drink this past Wednesday, and sure enough, last night (Friday) and today (Saturday), I had a splitting headache that a full night's sleep, advil, and lots of water didn't help (in fact, it just got worse). I took some Advil again this morning, but it didn't help much. This afternoon, while visiting with a friend, I had a cup of coffee, which I rarely drink - perhaps once a month. Before I was done with the small cup, my headache was gone. (And it still is, about 8 hours later.)

I can't help but wonder if the headaches I get when I don't drink are from alcohol or caffeine withdrawal. Apparently, cola has only around 1/6 the amount of caffeine of coffee, but since I was drinking so much cola every day (mixed with the rum), could this have been the real source of my headaches? And if so, why is quitting caffeine physically harder than quitting liquor? As far as I can tell, if the headaches are from caffeine withdrawal, then the only physical side effects from giving up liquor have been positive - restful sleep, more energy, etc.

(I know that drinking like that is Bad For Me, I know I'm still in the super super early steps of dealing with this (today is day 3), and I'm laying the groundwork to start working on the personal issues that I need to, and that alcohol addiction is more than physical, and that I need to be REALLY careful not to be all "wow, this is easier than I thought!!" BUT STILL...caffeine?? Really??)

(If you'd like to share your experiences, I'm at not.a.social.drinker@gmail.com)

I'm posting this question so I don't have to get offline

Anonymous — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 08:01:57 -0800

Do you have suggestions about dealing with internet addiction in general and chat board addiction in particular? I feel like I'm getting very addicted to the Internet.

The appeal is that places like Metafilter feel like the kind of social life I had in high school, college, and shared housing in grad school. At night when I was bored, I'd sit around the common room and shoot the breeze with people.

I have a great group of friends and a busy work life, so I'll have plans a few nights a week, but on the evenings when I don't have anything scheduled, I'll generally be online from 7 until midnight. I get lonely and bored even while I'm cooking, so I'll start the soup and then surf the web while it heats up. Ditto weekends and pretty much most unscheduled time, ever. Most chores get done in brief bursts while I'm thinking about something I read. I go to the gym right before or after work so I don't get sucked into the internet first. I even have a great long-term boyfriend. He does work-related stuff while I'm chatting on Metafilter. We'll talk for an hour or so and then go back to our separate online whatever.

After having spent another night online, I wish I had organized my desk or done another hour of work or basically done anything else. Even two hours ago, I was thinking "I should get off the internet," but then I decided to read just one last thread, and then one more. After a vacation, I'll feel so refreshed from having gone cold turkey for a week, but then my habit will slowly grow again.

This is a vague question but I'm just looking for how to start getting a handle on this. Should I treat the "cause" and move to a group house with a lot of people so I get the social input I'm getting online now? What if that's not really the cause? Should I treat the symptom and just lock myself out of the Internet? Talk to my therapist about this? Harness my internet addiction by starting a blog so at least it feeds into my creative and career goals? Any other ideas?

Also, at the moment, I'm feeling intimidated by the whole thing. I'd love to hear stories about people who used to be "heavy users" but found a way to ease off their online habit and ultimately achieve a better equilibrium between the internet and real life.

Sorry for being chicken and posting this anonymously. I'm just embarrassed about how much I'm online. You can email me at anony.account.123@gmail.com.

The nose knows not

muscat — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 18:54:10 -0800

So I went and got my nose addicted to dristan... How do I stop with the spray but still breathe?

When No More Debt really has to mean No More Debt.

Anonymous — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 08:57:57 -0800

Someone near to me has recently recognised, and begun to address, a serious problem with debt. The debt is not a result of extravagant spending; it seems to stem from persistently bad decisions about consumer credit, and a habit of repaying loans with other loans. So... once the debt has been consolidated and the credit cards have been destroyed, what measures can this person take to ensure they never, ever get into debt again? Is it possible to voluntarily ban oneself from being offered credit? The person is in Australia.

Intervention!

youngergirl44 — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 09:42:18 -0800

I live in Chicago and need to help a friend get into a drug rehab program. I have no idea where to start. Please help! First, he wants to go, but doesn't have the presence of mind to do it all on his own. I've never known anyone who has done this before, so I feel overwhelmed.

How do you select a place? He's about 50 years old, gay, HIV positive and severly depressed. Do these factors need to be considered when picking a place? Does it matter what drugs he's on? Are certain places better for some addictions than others? If it matters, he's using coke, crystal meth, crack, and pot (that I know of).

How does he tell his employer? He applied for short term disability or the family medical leave because of a recent MRSA infection, but I don't think he's been approved yet. Will going into rehab mean he's going to lose his job?

What sort of information do I need about/from his insurance company (Blue Cross Blue Shield)? I have other friends that work for the same employer and have the same coverage, so if the friend can't get the information, I'm sure someone else can.

Do I ask for his family's help? He's fairly close to his family (brothers, cousins, but no children, spouse or SO), but has fallen away in the recent months due to his addictions. I don't know how much they know about what he's been doing.

I know he's practicing reckless sexual behavior. Is this something that a rehab program can help address?

Also, he went through the 12-step AA program 10+ years ago and never wants to go back to a 12-step program. Do non-12-step rehab facilities exist? Should I ignore is dislike for the 12-step program (he thinks of AA as a cult) just to get him help?

I feel like this is really scattered, but I don't know how else to put it. I saw him last night and he was so tweaked out that I came to the realization that he is going to die from this. I just want to cry......

Help my friend stay sober

rachaelfaith — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 06:35:57 -0800

How do I help a friend in recovery from narcotics make it to two clean years? A friend of mine is coming up on two years of narcotic-free life. He is feeling 'the jitters' and is hinting that he is worried he might relapse or somehow sabotage it. He attends several meetings a week, but he's expressed that he still feels unstable.

I've told him I am open to talk or just listen at any time, any day, but I wish I knew how to go about this in a less naive way. I can't find many resources on this, but perhaps I am looking in the wrong places.

It is less than two weeks until his two-year date and I want to help him make it there, drug-free.

Please share your experiences or advice!

I want my sweet sweet salsa!

saeculorum — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 23:57:56 -0800

Is there a copycat recipe in existence for Trader Joes' Corn and Chile Salsa? How about a cheaper alternative? I have become completely addicted to Trader Joe's Corn and Chile Salsa. The salsa is a tomato-less and appears to mostly consist of corn, a bit of green chile and onion, sugar, and vinegar. I've spent more than a little bit of time trying to find a recipe is even close to it, but haven't had any luck. In particular, it is a very sweet and tangy salsa - it's not spicy at all. Does anyone have any ideas on how to make this? My few attempts have ended up in sugary corn goop.

Failing the recipe, has anyone seen this salsa anywhere else? Trader Joe's rebrands almost all of their goods, so I'd imagine some other company makes the salsa in their own label. Any hints?

Put me to sleep!

Anonymous — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 06:10:25 -0800

Why do I refuse to go to sleep, even though I'm tired, I need to get up early, and I'm not even doing anything fun? (long description follows) I know this is a pretty stupid question, but I can't seem to fix this self-control issue and it's screwing up my life. I started an internship a few months ago, and I'm finding that I need to be a lot more conscious and awake than I ever had to be in university. But even though I know I have to get up for work early the next day, and even though I'm exhausted from only having had 3 or 4 hours of sleep the night before, I simply will not go to sleep. I mean that I tell myself, "you should sleep, you're getting up early, you've slept late every night this week, go to bed" and I still don't move.

Part of it is my quasi-internet/computer addiction, probably; when I actually pull myself away from the computer, my tiredness hits me, I can't keep my eyes open, and I pretty much fall into bed. At the same time, I didn't have computer access for a while and I kept myself up anyways, reading books or writing a journal or other things like that. The even weirder thing is that now, with the computer, I feel too guilty to actually do anything fun so long as I'm aware that I'm putting off sleep; thinking of playing a game is met with "There is no way you are going to play a game when it's two in the morning and you need to get up at 6" but I still can't seem to make myself sleep, so I end up just reloading MeFi or RSS feeds for hours - and I'm in a time zone where nothing is even updating or being posted, so it's utterly useless.

Another thing that might be relevant is that I seem to have some sort of subconscious quota. If I get home at 7 and bum around until it's time for bed, I can usually stir myself to sleep by 12 (later than I'd like, but livable); on the other hand, on days where I have activities and I don't get home till 10 or so, I'm much more likely to be up doing nothing until 3am.

I don't know how much you all can help me, since I guess this is a bit of a personal issue, but the hive seems to have given great answers to all sorts of personal issues in the past, and I'm at my wit's end. If you've had this sort of problem before, or you have some advice, please pass it along! Anything will be deeply appreciated!

In the interests of giving as much info as possible since this is anon:
- Female, twenty, lightweight gamer, heavy internet user. Right now, living alone (but in a dormitory).
- I do this occasionally when I'm in university too, but not nearly as much, and I don't need to be as awake. In university I need to get homework done daily, while with work I'm completely free once I'm home.
- This is only my second internship. It will be over in 8 months and then I'll go back to school, but I don't want this to continue when I have a job for real some day.
- Therapy seems to be a common suggestion, but it isn't a possibility right now because I'm in a foreign country and my command of the language is not great.
- Throwaway email account at: noclownsinvolved@gmail.com

Am I dumb to think I can use speed safely?

Weng — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 18:30:12 -0800

Any positive (or at least relatively benign) experiences with short-term usage of non-prescribed dex-amphetamine as a study aid and appetite suppressant? I've done a lot of research and read a few horror stories about withdrawal from the drug, rapidly escalating tolerance, screwed-up metabolisms, severe depression and so on. So I'm fully aware of the potential adverse effects of abuse & also the questionable morality (or whatever) of using a drug not prescribed to me, etc etc.

What I'm curious about is whether anyone has "successfully" used it for a short period (say, a couple of months) to help them study, focus, complete a project, lose a small amount of weight, or some other 'non-medical' purpose? ... 'successful' in the sense that you have managed to avoid creating a major drug dependency, ruining your metabolism for life, giving yourself chronic depression...

Am I a fool to think I can avoid these scenarios? Is there any safe use of this drug by a relatively healthy 25yo female? Are there ways to maintain the efficacy of the drug's effects while staying healthy & sane?

Further info: I've been taking between 5 and 15 mg per day, 6 days per week, for around 2.5 weeks. So far it has been an excellent help in keeping me focused, alert all day, sticking to my diet, going running instead of falling asleep after work etc. My tolerance has remained fairly low. Thinking of continuing similar / slightly higher dose for next 2 months or so, until my prescription runs out. Have been trying to ensure I get enough sleep, have a day's break from the drugs - plus I was planning to taper down withdrawal rather than stopping suddenly.

Thanks to anyone who can offer their advice & experience... By the way, I have searched Google and Erowid already, but mainly seems to be horror stories... of course, this may well be because that's all there is! So your help in confirming or denying this, would be much appreciated!