Should I tattle on a 14 year old thief?

Anonymous — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 13:16:12 -0800

I think my friend's adolescent daughter tried to steal from me. Do I tell on her? I am in between apartments right now (waiting for the new place to be renovated) and staying with a dear, old friend. Her partner is away on business so she is happy to have the adult company and help around the house.

She has two kids - a 6 year old and an early teenager. From what I've seen, she is an excellent mother, and their father is an excellent father.

Recently I took the girls out for a special day of shopping and eating, to give their mom a break. Their mom gave me 20 dollars to feed them. We blew it almost immediately on cocoa and cookies. Later in the day, the girls were hungry again, so we went to the food court at the mall. I gave the teenager a 20 dollar bill (of my own) to buy her Asian meal, while the younger sister and I went to McDonalds.

Later in the afternoon I asked the teenager if she had the change for the food. She said "no." And I didn't follow up - I couldn't believe that she was actually lying about it and considered that perhaps there really was no change.

As we were heading home we stopped at a movie rental place to pick up movies. I had to pay cash for the rentals, and I was short by a bit, so again, I asked the teenager for the money, because otherwise, we would not be able to get the movies. She very slowly pulled 8 dollars out of her pocket, with no acknowledgment of having previously denied its existence.

As background - she is a bit of a strange girl. She doesn't look like the other kids and has recently discovered anime, to the point where it is all she talks about or "does" (going online, reading books, buying accessories, and spouting off long, loud soliloquies about anime). She is very boyish and hates anything girly (any time her mother or I wear makeup or heels she'll say something nasty).

I am torn about telling her mother about this incident. The pros are that her mother will know what her daughter is up to, and can deal with it. And the daughter will, I hope, not try to pull a similar stunt.

The cons are that I am not 100% sure it was intentional - maybe she forgot? Maybe she thought the money was hers? (she didn't know that it was my own personal money). Plus, it would devastate her mom and could potentially make things very uncomfortable around the house. I thought that she and I had built a rapport, as I was an outsider myself during my adolescence, and can relate to what she's going through.

I don't have kids, I don't deal with kids in my job, and most of the children I spend time with are under the age of 5, so this is a foreign territory. I realize that early adolescence is tough and that kids that age tend to immerse themselves in alternate realities, but her intensity seems extreme, and part and parcel with the attempted theft.

Now, a small bag of costume jewelry of mine has disappeared. I am hoping I just misplaced it, but I just don't know what to think.

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Should I tattle on a 14 year old thief?