Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with acquaintance

Gift suggestions for house of acquaintances?

dublin — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 07:44:09 -0800

Invited to spend holiday in France in a gigantic villa with a couple who are only acquaintances and their friends. There will be 15 adults and as many children (age baby to 12). Lodging is gift to all invitees. I can't come empty-handed! What on earth to bring? I thought local chocolate and coffee (Vosges chocolate and intelligentsia coffee from chicago) but friends cringe, as it is FRANCE. anyway, coffee and chocolate is not enough probably. Also thought of the kids but other than age range, i know nothing about them. Please help! I don't think any others are american, but not 100% sure. thank you thank you thank you

How Do You Make Friends From Strangers?

WCityMike — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 15:47:25 -0800

You've moved to a town very remote from any of your established social circles: you have no best nor casual friends nor any romantic relationships. You go into one or more meetings of utter strangers with whom you know you share some common interest (OneBrick, a Mefi meetup, a Meetup.Com thing, or something else entirely). What do you do — specifically, pretend I've got Asperger's here (no offense to those who do) — to take things from the level of "just an amiable conversation" to an actual friendship? I'm not shy: I have no qualms striking up a conversation with, or joking with, a total stranger. I remember people's names and what's going on in their lives. I don't stink, but I don't wear smelly fragrances; I shower and brush regularly; I don't look hideous; I don't pick my nose in public, rant at people, or act egocentrically or grouchily all the time; people react to me as if I am coming across as very friendly and approachable, which is what I intend.

But despite a plethora of easygoing relations, over the course of my life, I've had few people I could call friends.

I used to think that it was something preordained, or something undiscoverable but utterly intrinsic to me — but that's "magical thinking," and it's dumb. No matter what bad quality I could possibly imagine as the culprit, there are people in this world who would be worse than I, and yet who have friendships and romance in abundance. Yet I am the common variable in all this. I will be hanged if I know where the problem lies, though.

My guess is that there's some step that's so natural to everyone as to be instinctive, but a step that I don't realize I'm not doing. Or some cue that most people pick up on, but that I'm utterly blind to. I've cranked all my brainpower on this for a very, very long time, and I have come up with nothing. I'd appreciate the perspective from people for whom this comes naturally.

Another way to ask this question might be: a good number of Mefites have heard of and/or read or recommended the SIRC guide to Flirting. Is there an equivalent for friendships?

I do want to really emphasize: I can engage in a pleasant conversation with a total stranger (someone I'm sharing an elevator ride down with, or someone I'm waiting on a platform with), or with work colleagues. But I don't seem to really know how to turn these things into anything more weighty. At least from my perspective, it feels like I don't have a problem with the actual amiable interaction with people — but that I'm missing something when it comes to going from point A to point C. Whatever it is, that's — I think — where my problem lies.

Thanks.

Expressing sympathy to a well liked acquaintance

brevator — Wed, 22 Aug 2007 19:07:31 -0800

My excellent mechanic has obviously been going through some personal problems the last few days. Today, as he handed my car keys back to me he told me that his wife had to be put in a mental ward. It was obviously not an opportune time to discuss this and I left with a "I'm sorry" and "I hope things work out."
I was thinking I'd like to get him a card or something, but something tells me he's not really a card kinda guy (not exactly a gruff guy, but still, he's a mechanic).

Anyone got any ideas?

True friends vs. acquaintances

Sharcho — Sat, 22 Oct 2005 08:33:56 -0800

What are the little things I should do to deepen relationships from the good acquaintance level to true friend level? Why did your best friends become your best friends? (BTW: I've read "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie)

How do you explain your musical tastes to others?

evadery — Tue, 11 Jan 2005 07:36:55 -0800

Indie/ObscureMusicFilter: How do you explain to strangers or acquaintances what kinds of music you listen to? (+) I have a past that is filled with music – enough so that it fills a significant portion of my resume, and makes up a large enough portion of my life. This is all well and good with like-minded people, but I often find myself struggling to find the right words to express my musical interests to strangers and acquaintances – from job interviews to random people I meet from day to day. Sometimes I will mention a few names of bands that I perceive to be a bit more well known and get blank stares, sometimes I’ll name a few genres and get fewer blank stares, but the conversation quickly ends. Often, I ask the person what they listen to, and tailor my answers to their responses by saying less obscure bands within a similar genre, but none of these methods seem right or natural.

So, the question is, how do I straddle the fine line between rattling off a list of bands that no one knows and feeling silly myself while killing conversation, or going the other route and coming off as (unintentionally) condescending…