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314 posts tagged with abuse.
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Boundaries: I need them.

How do I set up the right boundaries regarding intimacy when dating new people. Difficulty level: history of abuse, disassociation and social anxiety! (nsfw) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 26, 2013 - 9 answers

How can I help my brother?

A few years ago I posted here to ask for help after having my identity stolen by my mother. It turns out that this has now happened to my younger brother as well, but he isn't being smart about it. How can I help him? [more inside]
posted by delicate_dahlias on Sep 17, 2013 - 12 answers

Help me with this (potentially triggering) childhood memory

I have this memory that's been bugging me for way too long. I don't know if this might be triggering for some of you, but I do want to give you a heads-up that it might be. It has to do with an encounter I had with a gym teacher, when I was six. I'm wondering if what this gym teacher did was at all *not* as intensely creepy as I feel it was. [more inside]
posted by brooklynlady on Sep 16, 2013 - 40 answers

Advice for coping with abusive partner when I can't simply leave

My partner of 6 years is behaving more and more violently each day. The worst of it manifests as screaming threats to divorce me or hurt me, but even on "normal" days I walk on eggshells to avoid triggering my partners's sensitivities. I've fled my house on more than one occasion in the last month. I've called on about as many friends as i can for temporary housing, and I have no family left in this world who would care for me longer term. I can't just leave my house because I hold sole responsibility for the mortgage (plus the down payment and the refi and the majority of the income that keeps this whole thing going). Also, my beloved pets live here and if I disappear to avoid abuse, I don't know what would happen to them. "Just leave" is not a solution. What reasonable actions can I take to protect myself, my pets and my property? Yes, I have a lawyer and a therapist and neither have ever dealt with someone who is splitting from a partner that is so awfully mean, so I am short on constructive strategies. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 17, 2013 - 32 answers

How to keep moving forward from abusive relationship

I asked these questions earlier and you were all so helpful. I am now two and a half months out of my abusive relationship. I want to continue to move forward and need your ideas and encouragement. [more inside]
posted by Rainflower on Aug 13, 2013 - 10 answers

Was my mother abusive or just a bad mother? Maybe neither?

I'm currently 34, but I'm dealing with things that happened when I was 16-23. I'm worried that I'm overreacting, misplacing blame, or being unfair. Was my mother abusive or just a bad mother? Maybe neither? I know this is unwieldy, but I'm flailing about somewhat trying to find my footing. I feel guilty for reacting to things that happened so long ago. [more inside]
posted by fredmounts on Aug 9, 2013 - 36 answers

Resources to help my SO deal with emotionally abusive parents

I'm a Northern American living in a southern European country and married with a child to a local. My husband is a wonderful partner and father, and the textbook definition of someone who will give you the shirt off his back if you need it. Said Southern European country is very much family orientated. For all intents and purposes I think that's generally a fine thing. My in-laws are a horrible source of counterpoint ancedata and their latest outburst has been the proverbial straw across my back. I need resources and information to help me support my SO as well as help him take the final few steps to admitting to himself that they are abusing his sense of familial responsibility and overall caring nature. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 8, 2013 - 13 answers

Should I warn my abusive ex's new girlfriend?

As I was reading this question today, I was reminded of my horribly abusive ex-boyfriend, and googled him as I will do every once in a while. (I left him 11 years ago, so it's maybe once or twice a year these days.) Usually I never find anything, but today I found his unblocked Facebook profile, where I quickly found out that he has a live-in girlfriend - and they have a young child together. I've been sick thinking about this, since he did many things while we were together that make me believe he's not a safe person to be around a child. [more inside]
posted by Neely O'Hara on Aug 7, 2013 - 46 answers

Staying sane while facing an insane thing

I am in therapy trying to deal with childhood sexual abuse. I am having a hard time keeping my adult life together and not feeling insane. How do I learn to calm down and keep going instead of wanting to cry every day? [more inside]
posted by kanata on Jul 28, 2013 - 28 answers

What, if any, contact should my children have with their absent mother?

My ex-wife suddenly vanished over 2 years ago to her native Asian country, leaving behind a son (then 1, now 3) and daughter (then 6, now 8). Contact was intermittent (sometimes once a week and sometimes every three months). I asked her to commit to a regularly scheduled call and she refused to do so. I also found the phone calls to be borderline abusive to my daughter (the daughter would ask, "Mommy when are you coming back," and the mother would reply, "When are you going to come see me?" which caused the daughter to feel responsible for her absence - or the Skype video chats where the daughter would have the camera on but the mother refused to do so). I have since cut off contact with the mother in order to protect my daughter, though wonder if it is the correct decision. [more inside]
posted by b_thinky on Jul 24, 2013 - 45 answers

Need support for emotional aftermath of leaving an abusive relationship

About a month ago, I left a partner who had rapidly escalated into severe verbal abuse with me. We were together for a couple years but only lived together for three months. He has mental health issues and is treatment-resistant and talks about suicide, and I am worried about him. We are no contact at present, but he's on my mind almost 24-7. I'm wavering that I did the right thing by leaving, even though I felt endangered. I need to be bombarded with support from all sides to counteract his brainwashing and help me know I did the right thing and I really will be happier one day. I know Metafilter is especially good at this so I am turning to you for help. [more inside]
posted by Rainflower on Jul 10, 2013 - 35 answers

I am my brother's keeper

What's the best way to protect my younger brother from my father, without also causing trouble with Dad? (blizzard ensues) [more inside]
posted by blue_and_bronze on Jun 24, 2013 - 9 answers

Helping a victim of physical abuse

A friend (who is 30) of my wife, who lives in Chicago, is being physically abused. We have offered her a place to stay at our home in East TN. As of right now, she seems to want to take us up on that offer. Unfortunately, she and I have never really got along in the past. Assuming she does come to stay with us, how can we best be supportive? [more inside]
posted by Groundhog Week on Jun 11, 2013 - 13 answers

Kidnapping definition in Canada

What makes something kidnapping? [more inside]
posted by Chaussette and the Pussy Cats on May 30, 2013 - 9 answers

Help with feelings about abuse wife suffered w/o making it "about me"?

Help with feelings about abuse wife suffered w/o making it "about me"? (trigger warning, about rape) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 30, 2013 - 23 answers

How to go no contact with an abuser?

I left my abuser 8 months ago. He contacts me semi-frequently, and I have replied to his more innocuous emails. Now I want to go No Contact. How? [more inside]
posted by sockermom on May 19, 2013 - 26 answers

How can I be as supportive as possible of an abuse victim?

I've been seeing a wonderful guy for several months now, and I'm very happy. But he's a victim of abuse from a past relationship, and I'm looking for advice/resources on how to better support him. [more inside]
posted by Gee, June! on May 13, 2013 - 12 answers

My friend is in an abusive relationship. How to deal?

I have a good friend who has been in an abusive relationship for over a decade. I've always been frank with her about the risks she faces and have provided a place to live/get away when she needs it. It hurts me deeply that I can't seem to help and I fear that I am just enabling the situation with stop-gap measures. Are there resources or books for bewildered friends and family? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 29, 2013 - 11 answers

Going Home to Toxic Family--How to deal? Help me help Mom!

I am currently finishing up my exchange in France where I've had awesome experiences and faced life-changing learning curves. Now I'm returning home to my extremely estranged parents who have been fighting all my life--deep, disgusting trenches of arguments that seem never-ending. [more inside]
posted by rhythm_queen on Apr 28, 2013 - 48 answers

Holding AT&T authorized retailer accountable for terrible service?

I was verbally abused by a terrible employee at an AT&T store but they're not part of the corporate machine. What do I do? [more inside]
posted by cachondeo45 on Apr 24, 2013 - 13 answers

How Can I Help My Mom Help Herself?

Hey Mefites, here's my question: My younger sister, mother, and I suffered years of abuse at the hands of an alcoholic stepfather - physical, verbal, etc. When we were younger, my sister and I were absolutely focused on getting the fuck out and did, getting scholarships to great schools, thankfully. My mom, not so much. She is no longer in a relationship with him, but they have been living together for economic reasons - she needs his disability paycheck to pay the bills (all of which are in her name, including the mortgage payment.) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 19, 2013 - 15 answers

Explaining "you're not welcome" to family?

How do you explain to your mother-in-law that you don't want some of her family around? Trigger Warning: abuse. [more inside]
posted by msladygrey on Apr 18, 2013 - 23 answers

My memories are debilitating me.

I had a pretty violent childhood. I thought I had compartmentalized all of this crap over the years, but it's all the sudden coming back with a vengeance. What do I do? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 16, 2013 - 32 answers

I want to help and I really mean it!

Help me write a note to my neighbor, offering help if needed... [more inside]
posted by HopperFan on Apr 2, 2013 - 18 answers

Advice on how to deal with abusive ex and his girlfriend

The 16 yo daughter of a lady I am good friends with was contacted after an argument by the fiance of her ex-husband regarding how to deal with a borderline abusive situation at home. The discussion evidently even went to far as to see if the daughter could advise her whether to go to a hotel or home to sleep with him. My friend feels this very inappropriate. Is it a big deal? She is very upset and is contemplating a measured response and future plan to stop this from happening ever again. She would like to do so without alienating her daughter (who seems to enjoy the attention) or poisoning the future relationship with her daughters dad and soon to be stepmom. Her and I both agree that she is probably on track to become another abused spouse and ought to leave the relationship - but right now that will not happen. I know the mefi crowd is sensitive, smart, and probably a good place to get some input, any thoughts?
posted by sfts2 on Apr 1, 2013 - 11 answers

Resources for healing from domestic violence?

I am looking for books or websites that are for people after they have left their abusive partner. [more inside]
posted by sockermom on Mar 25, 2013 - 3 answers

Is it ever okay to cut off a parent?

I am at a point where I really would like to cut my mother off my life. Am I a scumbag? [more inside]
posted by ADent on Mar 22, 2013 - 62 answers

My family is in trouble. To what extent is it my duty to help?

My sister (late 30s) has recently given birth to a baby who is probably affected by Down syndrome. There will most likely not be a father in the picture. She also has an 8 y.o. daughter from a different, also absent father. They live at my mother’s house in a small town. My sister has a story of emotional instability and I often fear for my niece and nephew. My sister was molested by my father when she was in her late teens. She is extremely dependent on (and at the same time hostile to) my mother. My mother (divorced), in turn, is struggling to help her and the little children, while having to deal with lack of money and her own (physical) health issues. I (male) am the middle child, 8 years younger than my sister. I´ve lived in a big city for the last 6 years. I´m economically independent (yet also struggling) and starting a career in academia. I feel that if I don´t go back to my home town and help my family, things will deteriorate further. On the other hand, my chances of professional growth would be reduced by moving back there. Do you think a sacrifice of this sort is the right thing to do? [more inside]
posted by Basque13 on Mar 19, 2013 - 31 answers

How can I most peacefully exit an abusive housing situation?

I called for a house meeting to address a housemates abusive behavior towards me but have determined that the best option for me is to simply remove myself from the situation and move out. Do I call off the meeting or do I still have it and then tell the house later that I want to move out or something else? [more inside]
posted by defmute on Mar 19, 2013 - 23 answers

Can't forgive or forget

I'm involved in a hobby that is very specialized and even in my large city the community is very small and tight knit. Outside of work and family most of my friends are in this hobby. I had a falling out with a "leader" in the community, and I can't seem to get over it. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 15, 2013 - 17 answers

Lose a good friend or try to fix it?

Is a man who pretends to be friends with a woman when he is actually interested in more than friendship doing something shady? Should said woman (myself) drop him as a friend or give him a chance to adjust? He’s a good friend and generally a positive, interesting and charming friend to have (smart, insightful, witty, capable of deep conversation, trustworthy with secrets, understanding…). I’m simply not interested in dating him (for many reasons, the most glaring of which is that he’s sexist in subtle ways that I couldn’t tolerate in a partner), but I value and love his friendship and conversation. I do not want to date him, ever. I don’t know if I should salvage our friendship or let it go, for his sake and mine...I've included the details below but I think this summary captures what I am trying to intellectually and emotionally figure out. [more inside]
posted by grassbottles on Feb 28, 2013 - 54 answers

babysitting a cracking up father with abusive thoughts

Helping my boss' husband out with their 2 little kids while she's away. He snapped and pushed them away roughly (imagining hitting them, he told me later) and left me alone with the 2 inconsolable children. What can/should I tell my boss? HOW? Any good resources I can recommend to a couple with 2 terrible twos and many more meltdowns to come? [more inside]
posted by chrysanthemum on Feb 26, 2013 - 46 answers

Supporting a partner in an ongoing, arguably abusive relationship

Looking for resources for supporting a partner (and my own mental health) in an ongoing, possibly abusive relationship with a family member. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 26, 2013 - 8 answers

Looking for a person to talk about domestic violence

I am looking for someone who has expertise or personal experience with domestic violence. This person should be comfortable with public speaking. Possibly a survivor of domestic abuse either as a victim or a child witness. There are many organizations who deal with education/resources for victims or potential victims. I am looking for someone who includes potential abusERS in their ideal audience and talks about how to recognize controlling behavior in oneself, how to avoid becoming an abuser for people who grew up witnessing abuse, etc. Geographic location does not matter. I was hoping to get a list of resources, experts, organizations.
posted by bq on Feb 19, 2013 - 9 answers

Does this ever get better?

I am having a very difficult time dealing with PTSD, especially as it relates to having close relationships with men. I am in my early 40's and for most of my life I didn't realize why I had such a hard time being able to trust others and allow myself to get close to people. Over the past couple of years, I was diagnosed with PTSD stemming from emotional, verbal, and physical abuse during my childhood. I have to say that it was good to discover why I have been screwed up emotionally for so long. At the same time, I am able to see that the kind of men I tend to gravitate toward are either abusive or emotionally not present (just like my parents). I have been in therapy ever since my diagnosis, and am working on building my self-esteem too. I am an awesome woman with a lot to offer and I have come a long way over the years. I can't seem to stop attracting men who hurt me in some way. I want to find a life partner and I know that I deserve to be in a loving and nurturing relationship. But love equals pain even after years of therapy and working on myself. Is there life after PTSD and how do I break this cycle? How can I find a man who loves me for me and wants to be supportive, PTSD and all? Thanks.
posted by strelitzia on Feb 12, 2013 - 12 answers

What to do when someone leaves a big, messy, painful hole in your life

She was somewhere between best friend and lover to me...but this person is like someone I've never met before. I loved her more than anyone I've ever loved in my life and she's done this ugly 180 on me. I need to know how to get past it. My heart is seriously shot. What should I do? How am I suppose to feel? I just feel so disoriented....what do I do? [more inside]
posted by Cybria on Feb 8, 2013 - 15 answers

I thought the hard part was over...

I left my abusive ex four months ago. So how can I actually move on now that I've moved out? [more inside]
posted by sockermom on Feb 4, 2013 - 22 answers

On the timeliness of relationships, on overcoming sexual trauma

Please share your knowledge about the customs of dating, my question being from the point of view of a sexual abuse victim, and of the reactions of men who go on dates with her. [more inside]
posted by Jireel on Feb 1, 2013 - 37 answers

How to help a friend escape an abusive relationship...?

Friend stuck in abusive relationship and totally unable to break up. [more inside]
posted by fishingforthewhale on Jan 21, 2013 - 32 answers

Is it possible to heal from this? Or at least survive it?

If you have experienced child sexual abuse and came to some sort of healing what do you wish you had known from the beginning? What words of advice do you have for someone just beginning to go down that path? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 19, 2013 - 17 answers

Dealing with a Toxic Sibling

How do you deal with a toxic sibling who ruins every family event? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 3, 2012 - 21 answers

How can I help my friend who is verbally abusive to his partner?

My friends B and N have been together for years. They are happy together, supportive, and good people. But N is regularly verbally abusive to B, in small, sarcastic ways. It makes me (and other friends) uncomfortable. Can I do anything to help? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 25, 2012 - 40 answers

How to help a drug addict?

How to support someone trying to overcome an addiction? [more inside]
posted by tylerkaraszewski on Nov 22, 2012 - 8 answers

Help me learn to get over the past and learn to like how I look.

I hate being photographed and avoid mirrors because of emotional abuse in the past. How can I overcome this, and how can I make sure I don't give my kids messed up ideas? [more inside]
posted by 5_buck_sock_pup on Nov 19, 2012 - 20 answers

How to cut ties with an emotionally abusive father?

My relationship with my emotionally abusive, BPD father has been strained lately; now, after realizing the extent to which his actions was causing me undue stress, I have cut off contact with him completely. But not having a father figure in my life is causing me stress as well. How do I deal with the pain of cutting my father out of my life? [more inside]
posted by Kamelot123 on Nov 5, 2012 - 12 answers

I want to love sex again!

Help me regain my sexual confidence, after some bad experiences. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 27, 2012 - 27 answers

Elderly / Power of Attorney Abuse

What can I do to protect my elderly mom from my abusive and greedy sister? [more inside]
posted by iNurtureTheOdd on Oct 23, 2012 - 25 answers

Should I go back?

How do I let go of my relationship without feeling tremendously guilty for not trying again? [more inside]
posted by sockermom on Oct 22, 2012 - 30 answers

Should I Stay Or Should I Go (Here We Go Again)

Going round and round in circles in a relationship that has me asking 'what's the point?' and thinking 'why bother, he doesn't care'. Add to this my freelance work pattern, cohabitation but sleeping in separate rooms, his eating disorder, my issues with child abuse, his distance geographically from his family... and it's all just a big mess. I don't know what to do. Perhaps you can help me untangle things? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 13, 2012 - 26 answers

How to deal with emotions about past abuse?

What is the best way to get through/past/over the rush of emotions that come up when I think about abuse that happened to me in my adolescence? Also, how to deal with ambivalent feelings towards a relative who treated you badly in the past? Are there any books about this, fiction or non-fiction? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 2, 2012 - 9 answers

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