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Users that often use this tag:
Anonymous (137)
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Explaining "you're not welcome" to family?

How do you explain to your mother-in-law that you don't want some of her family around? Trigger Warning: abuse. [more inside]
posted by msladygrey on Apr 18, 2013 - 23 answers

My memories are debilitating me.

I had a pretty violent childhood. I thought I had compartmentalized all of this crap over the years, but it's all the sudden coming back with a vengeance. What do I do? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 16, 2013 - 32 answers

I want to help and I really mean it!

Help me write a note to my neighbor, offering help if needed... [more inside]
posted by HopperFan on Apr 2, 2013 - 18 answers

Advice on how to deal with abusive ex and his girlfriend

The 16 yo daughter of a lady I am good friends with was contacted after an argument by the fiance of her ex-husband regarding how to deal with a borderline abusive situation at home. The discussion evidently even went to far as to see if the daughter could advise her whether to go to a hotel or home to sleep with him. My friend feels this very inappropriate. Is it a big deal? She is very upset and is contemplating a measured response and future plan to stop this from happening ever again. She would like to do so without alienating her daughter (who seems to enjoy the attention) or poisoning the future relationship with her daughters dad and soon to be stepmom. Her and I both agree that she is probably on track to become another abused spouse and ought to leave the relationship - but right now that will not happen. I know the mefi crowd is sensitive, smart, and probably a good place to get some input, any thoughts?
posted by sfts2 on Apr 1, 2013 - 11 answers

Resources for healing from domestic violence?

I am looking for books or websites that are for people after they have left their abusive partner. [more inside]
posted by sockermom on Mar 25, 2013 - 3 answers

Is it ever okay to cut off a parent?

I am at a point where I really would like to cut my mother off my life. Am I a scumbag? [more inside]
posted by ADent on Mar 22, 2013 - 62 answers

My family is in trouble. To what extent is it my duty to help?

My sister (late 30s) has recently given birth to a baby who is probably affected by Down syndrome. There will most likely not be a father in the picture. She also has an 8 y.o. daughter from a different, also absent father. They live at my mother’s house in a small town. My sister has a story of emotional instability and I often fear for my niece and nephew. My sister was molested by my father when she was in her late teens. She is extremely dependent on (and at the same time hostile to) my mother. My mother (divorced), in turn, is struggling to help her and the little children, while having to deal with lack of money and her own (physical) health issues. I (male) am the middle child, 8 years younger than my sister. I´ve lived in a big city for the last 6 years. I´m economically independent (yet also struggling) and starting a career in academia. I feel that if I don´t go back to my home town and help my family, things will deteriorate further. On the other hand, my chances of professional growth would be reduced by moving back there. Do you think a sacrifice of this sort is the right thing to do? [more inside]
posted by Basque13 on Mar 19, 2013 - 31 answers

How can I most peacefully exit an abusive housing situation?

I called for a house meeting to address a housemates abusive behavior towards me but have determined that the best option for me is to simply remove myself from the situation and move out. Do I call off the meeting or do I still have it and then tell the house later that I want to move out or something else? [more inside]
posted by defmute on Mar 19, 2013 - 23 answers

Can't forgive or forget

I'm involved in a hobby that is very specialized and even in my large city the community is very small and tight knit. Outside of work and family most of my friends are in this hobby. I had a falling out with a "leader" in the community, and I can't seem to get over it. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 15, 2013 - 17 answers

Lose a good friend or try to fix it?

Is a man who pretends to be friends with a woman when he is actually interested in more than friendship doing something shady? Should said woman (myself) drop him as a friend or give him a chance to adjust? He’s a good friend and generally a positive, interesting and charming friend to have (smart, insightful, witty, capable of deep conversation, trustworthy with secrets, understanding…). I’m simply not interested in dating him (for many reasons, the most glaring of which is that he’s sexist in subtle ways that I couldn’t tolerate in a partner), but I value and love his friendship and conversation. I do not want to date him, ever. I don’t know if I should salvage our friendship or let it go, for his sake and mine...I've included the details below but I think this summary captures what I am trying to intellectually and emotionally figure out. [more inside]
posted by grassbottles on Feb 28, 2013 - 54 answers

babysitting a cracking up father with abusive thoughts

Helping my boss' husband out with their 2 little kids while she's away. He snapped and pushed them away roughly (imagining hitting them, he told me later) and left me alone with the 2 inconsolable children. What can/should I tell my boss? HOW? Any good resources I can recommend to a couple with 2 terrible twos and many more meltdowns to come? [more inside]
posted by chrysanthemum on Feb 26, 2013 - 46 answers

Supporting a partner in an ongoing, arguably abusive relationship

Looking for resources for supporting a partner (and my own mental health) in an ongoing, possibly abusive relationship with a family member. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 26, 2013 - 8 answers

Looking for a person to talk about domestic violence

I am looking for someone who has expertise or personal experience with domestic violence. This person should be comfortable with public speaking. Possibly a survivor of domestic abuse either as a victim or a child witness. There are many organizations who deal with education/resources for victims or potential victims. I am looking for someone who includes potential abusERS in their ideal audience and talks about how to recognize controlling behavior in oneself, how to avoid becoming an abuser for people who grew up witnessing abuse, etc. Geographic location does not matter. I was hoping to get a list of resources, experts, organizations.
posted by bq on Feb 19, 2013 - 9 answers

Does this ever get better?

I am having a very difficult time dealing with PTSD, especially as it relates to having close relationships with men. I am in my early 40's and for most of my life I didn't realize why I had such a hard time being able to trust others and allow myself to get close to people. Over the past couple of years, I was diagnosed with PTSD stemming from emotional, verbal, and physical abuse during my childhood. I have to say that it was good to discover why I have been screwed up emotionally for so long. At the same time, I am able to see that the kind of men I tend to gravitate toward are either abusive or emotionally not present (just like my parents). I have been in therapy ever since my diagnosis, and am working on building my self-esteem too. I am an awesome woman with a lot to offer and I have come a long way over the years. I can't seem to stop attracting men who hurt me in some way. I want to find a life partner and I know that I deserve to be in a loving and nurturing relationship. But love equals pain even after years of therapy and working on myself. Is there life after PTSD and how do I break this cycle? How can I find a man who loves me for me and wants to be supportive, PTSD and all? Thanks.
posted by strelitzia on Feb 12, 2013 - 12 answers

What to do when someone leaves a big, messy, painful hole in your life

She was somewhere between best friend and lover to me...but this person is like someone I've never met before. I loved her more than anyone I've ever loved in my life and she's done this ugly 180 on me. I need to know how to get past it. My heart is seriously shot. What should I do? How am I suppose to feel? I just feel so disoriented....what do I do? [more inside]
posted by Cybria on Feb 8, 2013 - 15 answers

I thought the hard part was over...

I left my abusive ex four months ago. So how can I actually move on now that I've moved out? [more inside]
posted by sockermom on Feb 4, 2013 - 22 answers

On the timeliness of relationships, on overcoming sexual trauma

Please share your knowledge about the customs of dating, my question being from the point of view of a sexual abuse victim, and of the reactions of men who go on dates with her. [more inside]
posted by Jireel on Feb 1, 2013 - 37 answers

How to help a friend escape an abusive relationship...?

Friend stuck in abusive relationship and totally unable to break up. [more inside]
posted by fishingforthewhale on Jan 21, 2013 - 32 answers

Is it possible to heal from this? Or at least survive it?

If you have experienced child sexual abuse and came to some sort of healing what do you wish you had known from the beginning? What words of advice do you have for someone just beginning to go down that path? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 19, 2013 - 17 answers

Dealing with a Toxic Sibling

How do you deal with a toxic sibling who ruins every family event? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 3, 2012 - 21 answers

How can I help my friend who is verbally abusive to his partner?

My friends B and N have been together for years. They are happy together, supportive, and good people. But N is regularly verbally abusive to B, in small, sarcastic ways. It makes me (and other friends) uncomfortable. Can I do anything to help? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 25, 2012 - 40 answers

How to help a drug addict?

How to support someone trying to overcome an addiction? [more inside]
posted by tylerkaraszewski on Nov 22, 2012 - 8 answers

Help me learn to get over the past and learn to like how I look.

I hate being photographed and avoid mirrors because of emotional abuse in the past. How can I overcome this, and how can I make sure I don't give my kids messed up ideas? [more inside]
posted by 5_buck_sock_pup on Nov 19, 2012 - 20 answers

How to cut ties with an emotionally abusive father?

My relationship with my emotionally abusive, BPD father has been strained lately; now, after realizing the extent to which his actions was causing me undue stress, I have cut off contact with him completely. But not having a father figure in my life is causing me stress as well. How do I deal with the pain of cutting my father out of my life? [more inside]
posted by Kamelot123 on Nov 5, 2012 - 12 answers

I want to love sex again!

Help me regain my sexual confidence, after some bad experiences. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 27, 2012 - 27 answers

Elderly / Power of Attorney Abuse

What can I do to protect my elderly mom from my abusive and greedy sister? [more inside]
posted by iNurtureTheOdd on Oct 23, 2012 - 25 answers

Should I go back?

How do I let go of my relationship without feeling tremendously guilty for not trying again? [more inside]
posted by sockermom on Oct 22, 2012 - 30 answers

Should I Stay Or Should I Go (Here We Go Again)

Going round and round in circles in a relationship that has me asking 'what's the point?' and thinking 'why bother, he doesn't care'. Add to this my freelance work pattern, cohabitation but sleeping in separate rooms, his eating disorder, my issues with child abuse, his distance geographically from his family... and it's all just a big mess. I don't know what to do. Perhaps you can help me untangle things? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 13, 2012 - 26 answers

How to deal with emotions about past abuse?

What is the best way to get through/past/over the rush of emotions that come up when I think about abuse that happened to me in my adolescence? Also, how to deal with ambivalent feelings towards a relative who treated you badly in the past? Are there any books about this, fiction or non-fiction? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 2, 2012 - 9 answers

How to discharge anger at an ex two years after the breakup?

When everything on the surface seems healed and healthy after a breakup, how do you quash obsessive thoughts and anger about an abusive ex- two years on? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 17, 2012 - 20 answers

Should I cool it with my long distance friend until he leaves his girlfriend?

Divorce from abusive ex almost final, unexpectedly slept with a friend. We have loads in common but he's not (yet?) available. Cool it, or enjoy? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 17, 2012 - 31 answers

How should my sister bring her son home, across state lines, during a messy divorce proceeding?

Asking for a friend: How should my sister bring her son home, across state lines, during a messy divorce proceeding? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 2, 2012 - 7 answers

Help me preserve my sanity long enough to escape my parents' household.

I'm a recent unemployed graduate who's stuck in an abusive household. Please help me develop a wellness strategy. [more inside]
posted by Ashen on Aug 13, 2012 - 67 answers

How do I share my abusive childhood experience with my in-laws?

How do I "read in" my in-laws on my childhood physical/verbal abuse? My wife's immediate family is very close and I spend a fair amount of time with them (I see some of them weekly and all of them at least once a month). One part of my life that I've only shared with my brother-in-law and his girlfriend (in a very generic way) is that I was sadistically abused by both of my parents for a good portion of my childhood. This has created a barrier between us and while I've only heard whispers about it from my wife, I know they sense that I don't give them much in terms of who I am and what I'm feeling. I've known them throughout my relationship with my wife which started over 16 years ago, so there's a lot of history there. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 8, 2012 - 34 answers

How to support the abused

I've started to date again after the end of an eight year relationship. The good news is I've met an amazing woman and we're starting to develop a more serious relationship. The part I (male) need help with is that it turns out she was physically, sexually, mentally, and emotionally abused in several previous relationships over the course of about 15 years. How do I support her as a new relationship partner? Can you recommend any good resources for me to read? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 1, 2012 - 11 answers

How do you move on in a healthy light from an abusive childhood?

No former teenage angst here; what do you do when your parents genuinely SUCK? [more inside]
posted by Chelsaroo650 on Jul 16, 2012 - 20 answers

Pull me out of the water? No, that just won't work.

My friend is in an abusive relationship and refuses help. How do I cope? [more inside]
posted by fearnothing on Jul 13, 2012 - 18 answers

Will learning to orgasm through masturbation help me through my divorce?

Will learning to orgasm through masturbation help me through my divorce? Female, been married 10 years, left because of verbal abuse, disturbed by reawakening of my sexuality now I'm "old" (nearly 40) and unloved. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 10, 2012 - 12 answers

Abuse, anger; how far should I go to support my girlfriend?

My girlfriend has suffered a lot, and is very angry: she wants me to confront my housemate for his passivity to the abuse she endured. Should I? Long and complicated. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 6, 2012 - 52 answers

How to move on from my abusive father?

Now that I know I hate my abusive father, what can I do specifically to move forward? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 26, 2012 - 23 answers

How to help a women in an abusive and controlling relationship?

I need advice about how to help a friend in a non-violent yet intensely abusive relationship, and about how worried I should be for her young daughter and what to do for her too. (We're all in a major Canadian city, we're not all Canadian.) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 29, 2012 - 18 answers

Did I just see someone get raped in porn?

NSFW porn question: I am a hetero woman and I like to watch hardcore porn once in a while. I just had an unpleasant experience, though. And I would like to know if what I saw is abuse or what the hell. [more inside]
posted by ADent on May 19, 2012 - 35 answers

So Confused Right Now.

How do I deal with being a platonic relationship? [more inside]
posted by DuchessProzac on May 18, 2012 - 15 answers

What do your dreams look like after prazosin?

PTSD and nightmares. How does prazosin actually help you? [more inside]
posted by kanata on May 10, 2012 - 10 answers

Can supportive adults help?

I am looking for article/s pertaining to childhood and outside adult support from a dysfunctional family. [more inside]
posted by annsunny on May 9, 2012 - 2 answers

What advice would help this family?

What can I do to help my mother and siblings cope with an abusive parent? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 5, 2012 - 5 answers

Empathic Vancouver, BC family lawyer?

Please help me find an empathic Vancouver, BC area family lawyer. [more inside]
posted by Chaussette and the Pussy Cats on Apr 30, 2012 - 4 answers

Help me help her.

Nutshell: I need a reputable, authoritative source of data about how many times the average victim of abuse/domestic violence/intimate partner violence returns to the relationship. [more inside]
posted by prefpara on Apr 27, 2012 - 6 answers

Worried about my little sisters

I'm worried that my little sisters may be in an abusive situation, but don't know what's really going on or where I should go from here. [more inside]
posted by whalebreath on Apr 26, 2012 - 18 answers

What else can we do?

Active domestic violence and emotional abuse in the unit above me... Help us brainstorm, are there other things we can do as neighbors with long ears? [more inside]
posted by Leucistic Cuttlefish on Apr 25, 2012 - 16 answers

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