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147 posts tagged with abuse by Anonymous.
Displaying 1 through 50 of 147.

Brainwashing recovery resources

I'm looking for some resources for my experiences. The best term I've come up with is brainwashing. My therapists do not know of any, but had experience with working with it to an extent. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 30, 2014 - 3 answers

A Long Time Ago, In A Relationship Far, Far Away

When should I tell new partners about past abuse? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 23, 2014 - 11 answers

Help me escape an abusive family and its ghosts

I grew up in a toxic family. I have cut off contact from most members, but they go to great lengths to find me. This is mentally distressing and sometimes I want to give up. How can I keep them away from me? How can I get past this shame and abuse, especially if I am unable to afford therapy? How do I (not) tell people about my family relationships? Anon for privacy reasons, more detail and snowflakes below the fold. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 1, 2014 - 27 answers

How do gf and I deal with different approaches to irritation and anger?

Our relationship is mostly great, but we disagree about the appropriateness of expressing irritation and anger at your partner. She can be outbursty, and I can be over-sensitive, so we might bicker, and then fight about the fighting, and we're trying to break the cycle. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 27, 2014 - 55 answers

The sibling who molested me is getting ordained

I am a woman in my early 30’s. Starting when I was around 8, my older sister (who would have been 11) molested me. We have never talked about this. My parents know but are in denial. In high school, she became interested in religion and became a Christian, which has endured since then, and a few years ago she decided to attend seminary and become a minister. I have thought about all the complexities of this, but I am still not sure how best to proceed, if I proceed at all. I want whatever I do, if I do anything, to be healing (mostly for myself), fair, and considerate of all involved. I’m putting more information inside, and, while I can’t boil this down to a single question, would love any thoughts you have on this issue. I am posting anonymously, but if you’d like me to contact you for any reason, just say so and I will PM you from my real account. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 20, 2014 - 18 answers

How does one document emotional and verbal abuse?

I am trying to get an idea of how to document emotional abuse. My sister is in an abusive relationship and I am of the opinion that separation is not the worst idea. I am at my wit's end trying to figure out what to do to help my sister. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 28, 2014 - 8 answers

Should I file a contempt claim on my ex-husband?

My ex-husband hates me. I mean, REALLY hates me. I left him 4 years ago after years of emotional and verbal abuse, and he still has not once looked me in the eye or spoken directly to me since then. We have a 10-year-old daughter together and the divorce agreement says we should split her medical costs (doctor visits and prescription meds) 50/50. I emailed him to ask him to pay his share ($30) from a recent appointment and he emailed back saying that because he had taken her to get her hair cut, he should not have to pay. He then sent me pictures (!) of some over-the-counter cough drops he'd purchased for our daughter and demanded that I reimburse him for them, saying that if I refused I would "set a dangerous and vitriolic (sic) precedent in our relationship." What should I do? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 21, 2014 - 24 answers

Bibliotherapy for misandry?

Can you recommend novels, short stories or even biographies that might help me overcome my fear, distrust and occasional feelings of downright hatred towards men? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 6, 2014 - 25 answers

How can you recognize a secure person if you’re insecure?

Am I ruining a great relationship with my anxiety or am I anxious because my relationship is not great? Is there a way to tell the difference between irrational anxiety and alarm bells? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 20, 2014 - 9 answers

Blocking traffic to my blog

Is there a way to block links from a certain referrer from viewing my Tumblr page, say through a javascript redirect to a blank page or a different page altogether? My blog has appeared on a site known for abuse and harassment and (though I have luckily not received any yet) I'd love to keep it from happening eventually. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 10, 2014 - 5 answers

Resources for abusive spouses seeking help?

I've just left an abusive relationship and have found information and support from domestic violence organizations, churches, therapists, etc. for myself as a victim of domestic violence. What I haven't found is information I can pass on to my ex to support his willingness to seek help. Is there a comprehensive list of links to mental health resources that explain to an abuser/person with anger issues how to seek help or, even better, how to do the work necessary to make that help useful? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 19, 2014 - 22 answers

How do I get these photos removed from the web?

I am a midwifery student in the US. I found a website of a man who claims to be a midwife. This man has a very disturbing website with very graphic, I would say pornographic, photos of women whose births he has attended. These are poor women of color from another country. Going by the demographics, it is likely that many of these women come from conservative catholic background and would be horrified by nude photos of themselves plastered all over the internet. There is little chance that most of these women have internet access and ZERO Chance that all of these women have consented to these photos being placed on the world wide web. I am very angry that these women have had such graphic photos placed of them on the web without their consent. What steps should I take to have these photos taken down, if that is possible? I have done a whois search and gotten that info. What is my best possible course of action to have the maximum chance of having these women's photos removed and/or the site shut down?
posted by anonymous on Feb 15, 2014 - 15 answers

Good (free) resources for overcoming sexual/emotional abuse?

How to heal after living with a sex addict? I am looking for good sources of personal empowerment concerning sexuality (female) and possibly examples of men who actually love deeply and see sex as an expression of love as well as passion...any leads? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 7, 2013 - 10 answers

Stranger in a Strange Land

I'm considering confronting my father with the threat of estrangement. What should I know before initiating this kind of "break" with family? (Snowflakes abound, but general guidance helps too!) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 18, 2013 - 20 answers

I look like my mother. How do I deal with this?

Many facial features I have are very similar to my mother's. She's not ugly or anything, but I don't have a good relationship with her. I am having self image problems because of this. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 20, 2013 - 13 answers

What do I do about long forgotten abuse?

The short version: I was sexually abused as a child and my abuser recently tried to get in touch with me. I declined contact but I'm worried that he'll try again. So I'm wondering about my recourse. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 7, 2013 - 12 answers

Cutting off abusive parents AFTER they have tried to make amends?

My parents were abusive for over a decade of my life, profoundly and in many ways permanently impacting my physical health and emotional and social well-being. Since that time, they have apologized, but I am still incredibly angry and hurt by the choices they made. Could cutting off contact help me move on? Mefites who have been in similar situations, please share your experiences and suggestions for healing. More details below. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 30, 2013 - 46 answers

my boyfriend's ex accused him of abuse; how to proceed?

In a recent conversation with my boyfriend of four months, it came up that in the divorce papers his ex-wife had served him with, she had accused him of abuse. [Specifically spitting, pushing, and kicking, as well as emotional abuse.] He denies all of it, and says that instead SHE abused HIM, both physically attacking him and subjecting him to emotional abuse. I knew that their relationship had been acrimonious--but this seems like something else entirely. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 30, 2013 - 34 answers

Boundaries: I need them.

How do I set up the right boundaries regarding intimacy when dating new people. Difficulty level: history of abuse, disassociation and social anxiety! (nsfw) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 26, 2013 - 9 answers

Advice for coping with abusive partner when I can't simply leave

My partner of 6 years is behaving more and more violently each day. The worst of it manifests as screaming threats to divorce me or hurt me, but even on "normal" days I walk on eggshells to avoid triggering my partners's sensitivities. I've fled my house on more than one occasion in the last month. I've called on about as many friends as i can for temporary housing, and I have no family left in this world who would care for me longer term. I can't just leave my house because I hold sole responsibility for the mortgage (plus the down payment and the refi and the majority of the income that keeps this whole thing going). Also, my beloved pets live here and if I disappear to avoid abuse, I don't know what would happen to them. "Just leave" is not a solution. What reasonable actions can I take to protect myself, my pets and my property? Yes, I have a lawyer and a therapist and neither have ever dealt with someone who is splitting from a partner that is so awfully mean, so I am short on constructive strategies. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 17, 2013 - 32 answers

Resources to help my SO deal with emotionally abusive parents

I'm a Northern American living in a southern European country and married with a child to a local. My husband is a wonderful partner and father, and the textbook definition of someone who will give you the shirt off his back if you need it. Said Southern European country is very much family orientated. For all intents and purposes I think that's generally a fine thing. My in-laws are a horrible source of counterpoint ancedata and their latest outburst has been the proverbial straw across my back. I need resources and information to help me support my SO as well as help him take the final few steps to admitting to himself that they are abusing his sense of familial responsibility and overall caring nature. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 8, 2013 - 13 answers

Help with feelings about abuse wife suffered w/o making it "about me"?

Help with feelings about abuse wife suffered w/o making it "about me"? (trigger warning, about rape) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 30, 2013 - 23 answers

My friend is in an abusive relationship. How to deal?

I have a good friend who has been in an abusive relationship for over a decade. I've always been frank with her about the risks she faces and have provided a place to live/get away when she needs it. It hurts me deeply that I can't seem to help and I fear that I am just enabling the situation with stop-gap measures. Are there resources or books for bewildered friends and family? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 29, 2013 - 11 answers

How Can I Help My Mom Help Herself?

Hey Mefites, here's my question: My younger sister, mother, and I suffered years of abuse at the hands of an alcoholic stepfather - physical, verbal, etc. When we were younger, my sister and I were absolutely focused on getting the fuck out and did, getting scholarships to great schools, thankfully. My mom, not so much. She is no longer in a relationship with him, but they have been living together for economic reasons - she needs his disability paycheck to pay the bills (all of which are in her name, including the mortgage payment.) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 19, 2013 - 15 answers

My memories are debilitating me.

I had a pretty violent childhood. I thought I had compartmentalized all of this crap over the years, but it's all the sudden coming back with a vengeance. What do I do? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 16, 2013 - 32 answers

Can't forgive or forget

I'm involved in a hobby that is very specialized and even in my large city the community is very small and tight knit. Outside of work and family most of my friends are in this hobby. I had a falling out with a "leader" in the community, and I can't seem to get over it. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 15, 2013 - 17 answers

Supporting a partner in an ongoing, arguably abusive relationship

Looking for resources for supporting a partner (and my own mental health) in an ongoing, possibly abusive relationship with a family member. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 26, 2013 - 8 answers

Is it possible to heal from this? Or at least survive it?

If you have experienced child sexual abuse and came to some sort of healing what do you wish you had known from the beginning? What words of advice do you have for someone just beginning to go down that path? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 19, 2013 - 17 answers

Dealing with a Toxic Sibling

How do you deal with a toxic sibling who ruins every family event? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 3, 2012 - 21 answers

How can I help my friend who is verbally abusive to his partner?

My friends B and N have been together for years. They are happy together, supportive, and good people. But N is regularly verbally abusive to B, in small, sarcastic ways. It makes me (and other friends) uncomfortable. Can I do anything to help? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 25, 2012 - 40 answers

I want to love sex again!

Help me regain my sexual confidence, after some bad experiences. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 27, 2012 - 27 answers

Should I Stay Or Should I Go (Here We Go Again)

Going round and round in circles in a relationship that has me asking 'what's the point?' and thinking 'why bother, he doesn't care'. Add to this my freelance work pattern, cohabitation but sleeping in separate rooms, his eating disorder, my issues with child abuse, his distance geographically from his family... and it's all just a big mess. I don't know what to do. Perhaps you can help me untangle things? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 13, 2012 - 26 answers

How to deal with emotions about past abuse?

What is the best way to get through/past/over the rush of emotions that come up when I think about abuse that happened to me in my adolescence? Also, how to deal with ambivalent feelings towards a relative who treated you badly in the past? Are there any books about this, fiction or non-fiction? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 2, 2012 - 9 answers

How to discharge anger at an ex two years after the breakup?

When everything on the surface seems healed and healthy after a breakup, how do you quash obsessive thoughts and anger about an abusive ex- two years on? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 17, 2012 - 20 answers

Should I cool it with my long distance friend until he leaves his girlfriend?

Divorce from abusive ex almost final, unexpectedly slept with a friend. We have loads in common but he's not (yet?) available. Cool it, or enjoy? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 17, 2012 - 31 answers

How should my sister bring her son home, across state lines, during a messy divorce proceeding?

Asking for a friend: How should my sister bring her son home, across state lines, during a messy divorce proceeding? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 2, 2012 - 7 answers

How do I share my abusive childhood experience with my in-laws?

How do I "read in" my in-laws on my childhood physical/verbal abuse? My wife's immediate family is very close and I spend a fair amount of time with them (I see some of them weekly and all of them at least once a month). One part of my life that I've only shared with my brother-in-law and his girlfriend (in a very generic way) is that I was sadistically abused by both of my parents for a good portion of my childhood. This has created a barrier between us and while I've only heard whispers about it from my wife, I know they sense that I don't give them much in terms of who I am and what I'm feeling. I've known them throughout my relationship with my wife which started over 16 years ago, so there's a lot of history there. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 8, 2012 - 34 answers

How to support the abused

I've started to date again after the end of an eight year relationship. The good news is I've met an amazing woman and we're starting to develop a more serious relationship. The part I (male) need help with is that it turns out she was physically, sexually, mentally, and emotionally abused in several previous relationships over the course of about 15 years. How do I support her as a new relationship partner? Can you recommend any good resources for me to read? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 1, 2012 - 11 answers

Will learning to orgasm through masturbation help me through my divorce?

Will learning to orgasm through masturbation help me through my divorce? Female, been married 10 years, left because of verbal abuse, disturbed by reawakening of my sexuality now I'm "old" (nearly 40) and unloved. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 10, 2012 - 12 answers

Abuse, anger; how far should I go to support my girlfriend?

My girlfriend has suffered a lot, and is very angry: she wants me to confront my housemate for his passivity to the abuse she endured. Should I? Long and complicated. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 6, 2012 - 52 answers

How to move on from my abusive father?

Now that I know I hate my abusive father, what can I do specifically to move forward? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 26, 2012 - 23 answers

How to help a women in an abusive and controlling relationship?

I need advice about how to help a friend in a non-violent yet intensely abusive relationship, and about how worried I should be for her young daughter and what to do for her too. (We're all in a major Canadian city, we're not all Canadian.) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 29, 2012 - 18 answers

What advice would help this family?

What can I do to help my mother and siblings cope with an abusive parent? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 5, 2012 - 5 answers

For my own sanity/happiness I have to end a LTR, need help

For my own sanity/happiness I have to end a LTR, like TODAY - I could use some advice. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 21, 2012 - 67 answers

Let well enough alone?

Should I call my abuser on his behavior, even though it's been over twenty years since we've last spoken? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 13, 2012 - 75 answers

Just how common are abusive situations in academia? How do you survive and is it even worth it?

My girlfriend is 5 years in to a PhD program with an abusive (verbal, emotional, and mental) PI/lab. This seems to be a common theme in academia, just how common is it? How do you go about graduating if they seem to be working against you (assuming no fault on your part)? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 13, 2012 - 12 answers

Stop it before it starts...

[Potential Abuse Trigger] YANML, yes I know. But can you hope me stave off a bad situation with a man that's abused my sister and other members of my family BEFORE it happens again? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 10, 2012 - 36 answers

Sexual relationship with someone with a bad history

I'm dating a girl who has had a difficult past and who seems to be strangely absent during sex. Help me figure out how best to deal with this. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 6, 2012 - 6 answers

How do I get out of this?

Escaping a bad life? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 5, 2012 - 33 answers

Can I ask my girl to stop talking to her cheater exes?

Is it unreasonably controlling of me to ask my girlfriend to not initiate online contact with a specific set of ex-boyfriends, namely those that she has cheated on her (ex-) husband or other boyfriends with? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 3, 2012 - 51 answers

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