Help with feelings about abuse wife suffered w/o making it "about me"? (trigger warning, about rape)
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posted by anonymous
on May 30, 2013 -
23 answers
I have a good friend who has been in an abusive relationship for over a decade. I've always been frank with her about the risks she faces and have provided a place to live/get away when she needs it. It hurts me deeply that I can't seem to help and I fear that I am just enabling the situation with stop-gap measures.
Are there resources or books for bewildered friends and family?
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posted by anonymous
on Apr 29, 2013 -
11 answers
Hey Mefites, here's my question:
My younger sister, mother, and I suffered years of abuse at the hands of an alcoholic stepfather - physical, verbal, etc. When we were younger, my sister and I were absolutely focused on getting the fuck out and did, getting scholarships to great schools, thankfully. My mom, not so much. She is no longer in a relationship with him, but they have been living together for economic reasons - she needs his disability paycheck to pay the bills (all of which are in her name, including the mortgage payment.)
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posted by anonymous
on Apr 19, 2013 -
15 answers
I had a pretty violent childhood. I thought I had compartmentalized all of this crap over the years, but it's all the sudden coming back with a vengeance. What do I do?
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posted by anonymous
on Apr 16, 2013 -
32 answers
I'm involved in a hobby that is very specialized and even in my large city the community is very small and tight knit. Outside of work and family most of my friends are in this hobby. I had a falling out with a "leader" in the community, and I can't seem to get over it.
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posted by anonymous
on Mar 15, 2013 -
17 answers
Looking for resources for supporting a partner (and my own mental health) in an ongoing, possibly abusive relationship with a family member.
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posted by anonymous
on Feb 26, 2013 -
8 answers
If you have experienced child sexual abuse and came to some sort of healing what do you wish you had known from the beginning? What words of advice do you have for someone just beginning to go down that path?
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posted by anonymous
on Jan 19, 2013 -
17 answers
My friends B and N have been together for years. They are happy together, supportive, and good people. But N is regularly verbally abusive to B, in small, sarcastic ways. It makes me (and other friends) uncomfortable. Can I do anything to help?
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posted by anonymous
on Nov 25, 2012 -
40 answers
Going round and round in circles in a relationship that has me asking 'what's the point?' and thinking 'why bother, he doesn't care'. Add to this my freelance work pattern, cohabitation but sleeping in separate rooms, his eating disorder, my issues with child abuse, his distance geographically from his family... and it's all just a big mess. I don't know what to do. Perhaps you can help me untangle things?
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posted by anonymous
on Oct 13, 2012 -
26 answers
What is the best way to get through/past/over the rush of emotions that come up when I think about abuse that happened to me in my adolescence? Also, how to deal with ambivalent feelings towards a relative who treated you badly in the past? Are there any books about this, fiction or non-fiction?
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posted by anonymous
on Oct 2, 2012 -
9 answers
When everything on the surface seems healed and healthy after a breakup, how do you quash obsessive thoughts and anger about an abusive ex- two years on?
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posted by anonymous
on Sep 17, 2012 -
20 answers
Divorce from abusive ex almost final, unexpectedly slept with a friend. We have loads in common but he's not (yet?) available. Cool it, or enjoy?
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posted by anonymous
on Sep 17, 2012 -
31 answers
Asking for a friend: How should my sister bring her son home, across state lines, during a messy divorce proceeding?
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posted by anonymous
on Sep 2, 2012 -
7 answers
How do I "read in" my in-laws on my childhood physical/verbal abuse?
My wife's immediate family is very close and I spend a fair amount of time with them (I see some of them weekly and all of them at least once a month). One part of my life that I've only shared with my brother-in-law and his girlfriend (in a very generic way) is that I was sadistically abused by both of my parents for a good portion of my childhood. This has created a barrier between us and while I've only heard whispers about it from my wife, I know they sense that I don't give them much in terms of who I am and what I'm feeling. I've known them throughout my relationship with my wife which started over 16 years ago, so there's a lot of history there.
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posted by anonymous
on Aug 8, 2012 -
34 answers
I've started to date again after the end of an eight year relationship. The good news is I've met an amazing woman and we're starting to develop a more serious relationship. The part I (male) need help with is that it turns out she was physically, sexually, mentally, and emotionally abused in several previous relationships over the course of about 15 years. How do I support her as a new relationship partner? Can you recommend any good resources for me to read?
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posted by anonymous
on Aug 1, 2012 -
11 answers
Will learning to orgasm through masturbation help me through my divorce? Female, been married 10 years, left because of verbal abuse, disturbed by reawakening of my sexuality now I'm "old" (nearly 40) and unloved.
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posted by anonymous
on Jul 10, 2012 -
12 answers
My girlfriend has suffered a lot, and is very angry: she wants me to confront my housemate for his passivity to the abuse she endured. Should I? Long and complicated.
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posted by anonymous
on Jul 6, 2012 -
52 answers
I need advice about how to help a friend in a non-violent yet intensely abusive relationship, and about how worried I should be for her young daughter and what to do for her too. (We're all in a major Canadian city, we're not all Canadian.)
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posted by anonymous
on May 29, 2012 -
18 answers
Should I call my abuser on his behavior, even though it's been over twenty years since we've last spoken?
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posted by anonymous
on Apr 13, 2012 -
75 answers
My girlfriend is 5 years in to a PhD program with an abusive (verbal, emotional, and mental) PI/lab. This seems to be a common theme in academia, just how common is it?
How do you go about graduating if they seem to be working against you (assuming no fault on your part)?
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posted by anonymous
on Mar 13, 2012 -
12 answers
[Potential Abuse Trigger] YANML, yes I know. But can you hope me stave off a bad situation with a man that's abused my sister and other members of my family BEFORE it happens again?
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posted by anonymous
on Feb 10, 2012 -
36 answers
I'm dating a girl who has had a difficult past and who seems to be strangely absent during sex. Help me figure out how best to deal with this.
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posted by anonymous
on Feb 6, 2012 -
6 answers
Is it unreasonably controlling of me to ask my girlfriend to not initiate online contact with a specific set of ex-boyfriends, namely those that she has cheated on her (ex-) husband or other boyfriends with?
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posted by anonymous
on Feb 3, 2012 -
51 answers
Girl I am dating just admitted to me that her family was abusive and her older brother is still abusive towards her.
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posted by anonymous
on Jan 20, 2012 -
29 answers
What are some informative self-help books and other resources (preferably online or UK-based) for adults dealing with abusive parents who have undiagnosed cognitive deficits and are emotionally stunted?
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posted by anonymous
on Jan 1, 2012 -
2 answers
I'm in an unhappy, unhealthy relationship-- I'm scared I might even be emotionally abusing my boyfriend. Should I break up with him now or wait until later? How can I make sure that the break-up will last?
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posted by anonymous
on Dec 30, 2011 -
57 answers
I have a great deal of contempt for my mother, which fills me with guilt. She has had serious psychiatric problems for her entire life. Although I know that she loves us, she is quite mentally ill, and I don't know how to cope with it. I need help learning how. (This is long, I apologize.)
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posted by anonymous
on Dec 28, 2011 -
51 answers
How do I handle the reaction of my family and (people I thought of as) close friends to the news of my divorce? Lots of special snowflakes ahead.
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posted by anonymous
on Dec 21, 2011 -
27 answers
My husband has anger issues. We are considering getting a dog, but I'm not sure I trust him to appropriately express his anger around the dog. What should I do?
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posted by anonymous
on Dec 9, 2011 -
33 answers
I realized last night that I need to get out of my emotionally abusive marriage. I'm really scared for a lot of reasons. For those of you who have been in my shoes, how did you "come out" to others about your situation? How did you cope with people who told you you brought it on yourself?
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posted by anonymous
on Nov 9, 2011 -
32 answers
I went away to boarding school in 1993/4. During 1993, a teacher there who was sexually inappropriate. I sort of lost track of him, but found out today he is now the Head Director of a school, and on the board of the Assoc. of International School Heads, It was a long time ago, and I cannot prove anything, and do not want to go in guns
half cocked, but I feel like I should say something. What are best practices here?
posted by anonymous
on Oct 12, 2011 -
23 answers
Is it possible to let go of past injuries? My parents were abusive when I was growing up (both physically and emotionally) and I have been dealing with depression and anxiety ever since, with medication and therapy. Now, though, they have changed (really), and I'm trying to figure out how to let go of what happened and have a good relationship with the people they are now.
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posted by anonymous
on Oct 7, 2011 -
16 answers
I am a woman. A man I have a court-ordered PFA (Protection From Abuse) against started a blogspot.com page about me using MYNAME.blogspot.com to write viscous lies about me and my underage son. The blogspot page is, of course, the #1 result on google when googling my name. He is not impersonating me, but he is harassing me and my family. What can I do now?
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posted by anonymous
on Sep 26, 2011 -
25 answers
One of my university students is being physically, mentally and emotionally abused by their parents and has asked me for help. What can/should I do as their teacher?
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posted by anonymous
on Sep 15, 2011 -
13 answers
My family just spent a week with my wife's brother and his family. Six kids, four adults, one week in their house. It was for the most part uneventful. In fact, it was great. We're now from the big city, they're from the suburbs in the South. We ate BBQ, fished, shot guns, and drank beer, all things we aren't able to do where we normally live. Then, the last night, the brother got violent. Started picking a fight that we couldn't stop, accusing us of mocking him and his family and wife. There was NO way to diffuse it. I can't tell you how much we tried to be solicitous. He ended up hitting my wife on the arm and shoving me, we ran out of the house in the middle of the night grabbing clothes and kids and stayed in a hotel. It's been a few days and my wife and I are now at her mom's house 30 minutes away - she doesn't seem to know what happened. Do we tell her? Do we report the incident to the police? How do I set parameters around ever seeing each other again (such as to go see a counselor)? This doesn't seem to be a normal pattern for him, but something in his relationship with his sister really, really set him off. I don't want to be unforgiving - I just can't predict if that firestorm could appear again and honestly that night i feared for my life and the lives of my wife and kids - so how do we move on from here?
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posted by anonymous
on Sep 14, 2011 -
40 answers
Where in Portland, Oregon can I find a female therapist specializing in treating victims of long-term abuse, starting from early childhood?
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posted by anonymous
on Aug 10, 2011 -
4 answers
Where can I find resources on complicated grief, especially with regard to grieving something that never was?
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posted by anonymous
on Aug 8, 2011 -
6 answers
I suffer from severe anxiety and PTSD stemming from an abusive childhood. I have frequent panic attacks, flashbacks, and bouts of derealization that are terrifying to me. I'm going to see a psychiatrist soon, and I'd like to know what to expect. Help?
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posted by anonymous
on Jun 30, 2011 -
10 answers
What are some of the best self-help books you read after leaving an abusive relationship?
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posted by anonymous
on Jun 7, 2011 -
14 answers
Some things happened to me when I was a child and I'm not sure what to call them but I think they were abusive?
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posted by anonymous
on Jun 5, 2011 -
20 answers
How can I fix myself so I can attract and believe in a healthy relationship is out there for me? I have great friends, I'm well-liked, I have a great career and have made tons of progress working on myself over the last ten years to make sure I don't adopt the patterns of my family of origin. I want a relationship but I still keep falling into the pattern of "I'll never meet anyone for me" or thinking that I'm meant to be alone AND I WANT TO STOP THIS BS ALREADY! Help/ideas please!
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posted by anonymous
on Apr 7, 2011 -
8 answers
My spouse will soon be voluntarily entering a psychiatric facility in order to deal with some trauma from sexual and physical abuse when they were a child. I have some questions I hope you can help answer.
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posted by anonymous
on Mar 31, 2011 -
10 answers
