348 posts tagged with abuse.
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Recommendations for post-divorce mortgage communication?

I need a legally-enforceable, semi "public" method for my abusive ex to communicate to me evidence of his compliance with his legal responsibilities. We are in dispute over previously shared property but I have insisted on no contact and do not wish to enable my ex to contact me over any issue but the property. I don't want him to have my email address or that of an alias/other account in case he uses that address to send abuse, threats, or any other kind of unnecessary and unwanted correspondence. [more inside]
posted by LetticeLeaf on Oct 6, 2015 - 18 answers

Dealing with abusive former collaborator who runs in same social circles

My close professional relationship with a man ended badly because he was abusive towards me and I finally couldn’t take it anymore. He's blown up over tiny things, yelled at me until I cried, made inappropriate sexual advances, etc. He’s done this to at least 5 different women, but nobody wants to talk about it openly. [more inside]
posted by doodletoo on Sep 20, 2015 - 7 answers

Wouldn't it be nice to learn more about Brian Wilson?

I'd like to learn more about Brian Wilson and the Beach Boys. What biographies should I read? [more inside]
posted by PhoBWanKenobi on Sep 17, 2015 - 8 answers

How do I not hate myself for all this?

It will come as no surprise to some folks here that I am making such a post; however, many deeply felt frustrations have started to arise since I started college in April. [more inside]
posted by 8LeggedFriend on Aug 18, 2015 - 22 answers

Broke up with toxic ex, why do I feel like I did something wrong?

I broke up with my toxic ex roughly 2 weeks ago and I feel real empty and weird. I feel sad and feel like I did something wrong but he mainly to blame for this. More inside [more inside]
posted by ruebeignet on Aug 16, 2015 - 16 answers

Dealing with third party abuse allegations

Acquaintances in my creative community have made mutual accusations of emotional and sexual abuse. I do not know what the truth is and am not sure how to deal with their community participation in the future. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 10, 2015 - 9 answers

Get over it.

Previously abusive parent expresses this sentiment to their adult child: people make mistakes; that doesn't make them bad, it makes them human, and they shouldn't have to pay for it the rest of their lives. What is a healthy internal response? What is a healthy response to the parent? [more inside]
posted by Eolienne on Aug 6, 2015 - 41 answers

Helping a friend in crisis

Friend in mental health crisis; need advice on remaining steady and being there for her while setting boundaries. (trigger warning: sexual abuse, domestic abuse) [more inside]
posted by sunset in snow country on Aug 5, 2015 - 19 answers

Is family therapy recommended where there has been domestic violence?

When a child is in therapy, is it recommended to have parent meetings with the therapist if one of the parents has a history of violence toward the other? [more inside]
posted by Chaussette and the Pussy Cats on Jul 3, 2015 - 18 answers

My cat came home with singed whiskers... How concerned should I be?

My cat came home with singed whiskers... How concerned should I be? [more inside]
posted by tweedle on Jun 23, 2015 - 20 answers

Much worse than I thought.

I've kept my distance and set boundaries, but I just learned my family situation is much worse than I ever realized. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 17, 2015 - 6 answers

Having the hard conversations with good friends

Several of my friends have gone through some hard life events lately (death, unemployment and more) and I want to know how to talk about it with them. [more inside]
posted by Toddles on Jun 9, 2015 - 17 answers

Mom being drawn into anti-science/racist conspiracy thought please help

My mom is elderly. She and her husband support my mostly unemployed brother in his 30s. I live far away but talk to her daily. My sibling and his father are into racist, misogynistic ideas and believe the end of the world is coming. They stockpile supplies and make my mom read David Icke (anti-semitism thinly veiled as "reptile aliens" taking over the government) as well as how vaccines and GMOS are poisoning us. I tried to talk to her but she thinks what I say is hard to understand (academic language) so maybe science is hiding something. [more inside]
posted by partly squamous and partly rugose on May 31, 2015 - 11 answers

How can I accept being the slow, stupid student?

Two weeks ago I started college for the first time. My own intellectual deficiencies, impatience, and self-hatred as started to rise to the surface once more. [more inside]
posted by 8LeggedFriend on May 10, 2015 - 39 answers

Resources for surviving emotional abuse

I'm seeking techniques, advice and resources on how to protect oneself in an abusive relationship. [more inside]
posted by Les Socks Du Mal on May 6, 2015 - 14 answers

Preparing to leave marriage, how to deal with sex in meantime

I am in an abusive relationship. Not physical, but mental, emotional and verbal. I want to stress that there is no physical abuse. I am getting my ducks in a row & working on an exit strategy. It will be ugly when I leave, so I really need to have things in order when I do. Problem is - I haven't had sexual relations with my husband due to the fact that his treatment of me over the past year has repulsed me to the point that even the thought of it makes my skin crawl. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 2, 2015 - 28 answers

Am I really wrong for wanting my husband to stay in counseling?

My husband and I have had a terrible past year. He has verbally, emotionally and mentally abused me. We each started into individual counseling last fall. His counselor is extremely perceptive and has keyed in on behaviours that lead to him abusing me, and we've both noticed real improvement at home as a result. After one month without any abuse, now he wants to quit counseling. This led to a nasty fight, where he thinks that I am a bad, manipulative person for wanting him to stick with counseling. Now I feel absolutely awful in every way. [more inside]
posted by chatelaine on Apr 29, 2015 - 115 answers

Turns out, I'm an asshole

It's become abundantly clear that the way in which I lose my temper and the frequency with which I do so is (and it's hard to admit this) abusive. My wife has rightly given me an ulitmatum. I need a plan and I have no idea how or where to begin. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 20, 2015 - 71 answers

How can I navigate a very challenging living situation?

My parents are controlling, manipulative, and verbally abusive, but I cannot afford to leave. What are my options? [more inside]
posted by summertimesadness1988 on Apr 17, 2015 - 35 answers

Did I emotionally violate myself, or did he emotionally violate me?

I've been getting closer and closer to the guy I've been dating for six months. He's very lovely. The other week I worried a little that we weren't close 'enough' for where I want to be, and mentioned in passing that I usually would've told past boyfriends some pretty big (dark) things that haven't come up yet in our relationship. I explained that this was less because I didn't trust him and more because I guess I'm experimenting with the idea that these things (child sexual abuse, a very abusive relationship with an alcoholic in my teens) don't define me and I don't need to 'fess up' as being 'damaged' like I have previously. However, he took it to mean that there was lots about me he didn't know which he has said he finds 'distressing', and he also wants me to trust him with these things. He's mentioned it twice since, and I ended up just telling him the other night mainly to reassure him, but I now feel a little....emotionally exposed, and not sure whether I did that to myself (he didn't force them out of me, but I did feel pressured), or whether I should let him know that it made me feel uncomfortable and that I wasn't quite ready. I don't want to offend him again, or cause a rupture in what is otherwise a great relationship. [more inside]
posted by starstarstar on Apr 3, 2015 - 31 answers

TIme to go

Time to move out, my friends. I realized I'm being threatened to be disowned again. However, unlike the other times I think the other person might be serious this time around. So tell me about all the resources needed and how fast can I leave? [more inside]
posted by chrono_rabbit on Mar 28, 2015 - 26 answers

Severe Neglect in a Six-Year-Old - what to consider before adopting?

We have the opportunity to adopt a 6.5-year-old child who previously suffered from neglect and malnutrition, but does not show signs of trauma or lack of attachment. What do we need to consider, know and act upon right away? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 14, 2015 - 21 answers

When abuse survivors become abusive…

What does the road to recovery look like for abuse survivors, especially pertaining to their romantic relationships post-abuse? Do they often break free of all abusive relationships, how likely is it to turn into an abuse or be abused dichotomy? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 13, 2015 - 12 answers

Evicting my daughter or -- ?

I want to help my troubled 21-year-old daughter, but mostly I just want her out of my house at this point, without her destroying my stuff or hitting me. Would you read my wall-o'-text and give me your advice? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 6, 2015 - 46 answers

Handling being hit on 101

I am a butch genderqueer trauma survivor with severe PTSD. I just moved away from abusive family and living on my own for the first time in a decade. I was feeling very positive and safe until a drunk guy groped me and tried to come into my apartment. Can you teach me how to handle that as I have no experience dealing with random gropes due to how I look and my response was wrong in every way? [more inside]
posted by kanata on Feb 21, 2015 - 33 answers

AlgorithmFilter: Why not use Bayes to deal with online harassment?

Isn't Bayesian filtering the already-existing solution to online harassment on a medium like Twitter? [more inside]
posted by dis_integration on Feb 9, 2015 - 10 answers

Should I tell her what her father did?

I've just been contacted by a woman who used to be my stepsister. We used to get along, so I might enjoy catching up. Unfortunately, there are... complications. [more inside]
posted by Too-Ticky on Feb 2, 2015 - 31 answers

Should I try to handle these two legal cases at once?

Should I try to deal with these two difficult and scary legal situations at the same time? I have been in an abusive marriage for years and am thinking about divorce as things are getting worse, but also, a few months ago I got raped by a person I knew and trusted. [more inside]
posted by Anya17 on Jan 28, 2015 - 16 answers

Why can I not get over my abusive boyfriend?

I broke up with my off/on boyfriend and am having a terrible time not approaching him to take me back, even though he is, um, nuts. Many words within. [more inside]
posted by DeadFlagBlues on Jan 17, 2015 - 47 answers

Tips, Anecdotes or Books About Forgiving Those Who've Wronged You?

I am carrying around a lot of hatred and fury. I don't know how to forgive people from my past. I need a primer -- books, tips, anything. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 3, 2015 - 31 answers

Powering through when it feels hopeless

I am having the worst holiday season of my life. Help me cope. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 29, 2014 - 41 answers

My parent survived child abuse. Is it impacting us now?

What information and support is out there for adult children of people who themselves survived child abuse (including physical, sexual, and verbal / emotional abuse)? How can abuse survivors' families (including adult children) navigate the effects of untreated trauma? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 18, 2014 - 18 answers

Trolling IRL: Asshats, does the ass come first — or the hat?!

Ok, I'm studying a new improv role and really struggling to capture my character's essence. How do I act like a subtle but ruthless aggressor... without swerving into TV dominatrix land? Think strong, machiavellian, sadistic and contemptuous. With a kick of prima donna. [more inside]
posted by fritillary on Dec 1, 2014 - 18 answers

Need a good lawyer in Victoria or Vancouver, British Columbia

A friend in Victoria is trying to extricate herself from an emotionally abusive relationship. She has been living with this man for ten years and they own a house jointly. [more inside]
posted by Johnny Wallflower on Nov 30, 2014 - 4 answers

Seeking fellow victims...

Reading the news articles about the accusations of rape made against Bill Cosby has suddenly made me resolutely certain of the fact that my rapist has had other victims. My question is, how does one "find" those other victims... without going to court or being super public about having been raped? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 18, 2014 - 10 answers

Internet spying as part of domestic abuse. How can one protect oneself?

The question pertains to the linksys smart wifi router but it could be applicable for anything comparable. My sister is in an abusive marriage and is working on figuring things out at this point. She has noticed that her husband is increasingly making it difficult for her to get online (starting with blocking websites). I know blocking websites can be done on any new router that has a companion app but is it possible to actually snoop on a computer within the home network? If so, how much data can be gathered (web history, key logs, passwords etc) ? Secondly, how can she protect herself from being spied on? Is it possible to encrypt all data leaving a computer/ipad before it hits the router? She is not particularly computer savvy. I am a bit more advanced user than her but networking technologies aren't in my skill sets. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 17, 2014 - 20 answers

How do you move on after a really bad fight?

My hubby and I had an enormous blowup a few months ago and it's still bothering me. I am seeing a counselor to work through some of the residual feelings and depression that have come in the aftermath of the fight, which is helping a lot. I would like some additional insight from other MeFites about how you have dealt with difficult feelings with a partner after a really bad incident. [more inside]
posted by chatelaine on Nov 6, 2014 - 120 answers

Brainwashing recovery resources

I'm looking for some resources for my experiences. The best term I've come up with is brainwashing. My therapists do not know of any, but had experience with working with it to an extent. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 30, 2014 - 6 answers

A Long Time Ago, In A Relationship Far, Far Away

When should I tell new partners about past abuse? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 23, 2014 - 11 answers

Abusive parents still blame me

My parents were abusive and awful. I recently tried to get back in touch out of a misplaced hope for connection. They blame me (!?) for making them look bad, among other things, and want me to apologize. What should I do? [more inside]
posted by 3491again on Oct 23, 2014 - 23 answers

Preventing my mother's abusive husband from holding my newborn daughter

How do I tactfully prevent my mother's abusive husband (but not my mother) from holding my newborn daughter when they visit me on Friday? [more inside]
posted by corn_bread on Oct 22, 2014 - 44 answers

Is my sister abusing her husband? How do I help?

My sister is out of control and her behavior is hurting her husband (physically and emotionally) and children (only emotionally). I am not sure how to help anyone in the situation or where to turn for help. Is this none of my business? Do I have a responsibility to step in? [more inside]
posted by RingerChopChop on Oct 13, 2014 - 29 answers

Re-learning to enjoy simple, often taken-for-granted pleasures

There have been threads about simple pleasures before, but I'm asking as a person fresh-out of an abusive relationship. I feel like I've been missing a lot of the little things that I used to enjoy and even took for granted, and I'm at a loss. I need be aware of simple pleasures in order to recharge myself while I do all of the emotional/psychically/mentally draining work of recovering from all this. Examples after the jump. [more inside]
posted by mingo_clambake on Oct 10, 2014 - 19 answers

Help me escape an abusive family and its ghosts

I grew up in a toxic family. I have cut off contact from most members, but they go to great lengths to find me. This is mentally distressing and sometimes I want to give up. How can I keep them away from me? How can I get past this shame and abuse, especially if I am unable to afford therapy? How do I (not) tell people about my family relationships? Anon for privacy reasons, more detail and snowflakes below the fold. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 1, 2014 - 27 answers

How do gf and I deal with different approaches to irritation and anger?

Our relationship is mostly great, but we disagree about the appropriateness of expressing irritation and anger at your partner. She can be outbursty, and I can be over-sensitive, so we might bicker, and then fight about the fighting, and we're trying to break the cycle. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 27, 2014 - 55 answers

How does a person change his relationship with toxic parents?

I don't want to be around my parents, but my guilt keeps me in contact with them. How can I get to a place where I don't feel bad about not interacting with them unless it's on my terms? [more inside]
posted by stedman15 on Sep 24, 2014 - 19 answers

What percentage of youth in foster care have parents who were in FC?

Research help: What percentage of youth in foster care are born to parents who were at one point in foster care of themselves? I'm looking for information on the prevalence of intergenerational child abuse and experiences of foster care. In addition to the question above, I am also interested in what percentage of perpetrators of child abuse were victims of child abuse themselves. I've done some digging myself and haven't been able to find any data on this.
posted by chefscotticus on Sep 21, 2014 - 5 answers

The sibling who molested me is getting ordained

I am a woman in my early 30’s. Starting when I was around 8, my older sister (who would have been 11) molested me. We have never talked about this. My parents know but are in denial. In high school, she became interested in religion and became a Christian, which has endured since then, and a few years ago she decided to attend seminary and become a minister. I have thought about all the complexities of this, but I am still not sure how best to proceed, if I proceed at all. I want whatever I do, if I do anything, to be healing (mostly for myself), fair, and considerate of all involved. I’m putting more information inside, and, while I can’t boil this down to a single question, would love any thoughts you have on this issue. I am posting anonymously, but if you’d like me to contact you for any reason, just say so and I will PM you from my real account. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 20, 2014 - 18 answers

How does one document emotional and verbal abuse?

I am trying to get an idea of how to document emotional abuse. My sister is in an abusive relationship and I am of the opinion that separation is not the worst idea. I am at my wit's end trying to figure out what to do to help my sister. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 28, 2014 - 8 answers

Should I file a contempt claim on my ex-husband?

My ex-husband hates me. I mean, REALLY hates me. I left him 4 years ago after years of emotional and verbal abuse, and he still has not once looked me in the eye or spoken directly to me since then. We have a 10-year-old daughter together and the divorce agreement says we should split her medical costs (doctor visits and prescription meds) 50/50. I emailed him to ask him to pay his share ($30) from a recent appointment and he emailed back saying that because he had taken her to get her hair cut, he should not have to pay. He then sent me pictures (!) of some over-the-counter cough drops he'd purchased for our daughter and demanded that I reimburse him for them, saying that if I refused I would "set a dangerous and vitriolic (sic) precedent in our relationship." What should I do? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 21, 2014 - 24 answers

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