373 posts tagged with abuse.
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Don't want to be around kids; should I find a new job?

I am in therapy for abuse and find being around kids really upsetting for some reason. It's an essential part of my job, though; should I quit? Or are there strategies for this? [more inside]
posted by fair isle sock on Apr 26, 2016 - 14 answers

Finally believing it wasn't your fault

If you are a survivor of sexual assault (especially childhood sexual assault) aside from therapy what helped you realize and know for certain that what happened wasn't your fault? How did you get to a point of certainty where all of your being knew you weren't to blame? [more inside]
posted by kanata on Apr 26, 2016 - 24 answers

In total cognitive dissonance re: physical punishment. Please help.

I may be having a child soon, and it just hit me that in my mind physical discipline = success (I don't know any better). Could you please convince me that this is wrong and that there is a way to successfully raise children without terrifying them? Please help me deprogram myself. [more inside]
posted by ADent on Apr 25, 2016 - 49 answers

Dog Socks? (And other dog questions.)

So I've been asking about dog ownership, and got advice here (among other places) which led me to sign up to foster a dog. This is Huggy, my 5 year old foster mutt (though she's clearly got quite a bit of Rottie in her). She has a host of problems and she will be with me for a while. As a result, I have a host of questions. Can you answer some of them? (You are not my vet-- I have a good vet. ) [more inside]
posted by frumiousb on Apr 25, 2016 - 19 answers

Overhearing neighbor's verbal abuse to his kids - what to do?

I live in a nice suburb of Chicago, and our house is very close to neighbors on both sides. In the summer, when windows are open, we can occasionally hear one neighbor (male, lawyer, not that it matters really) yell and swear at his young kids, such as "Don't drop the f-ing ball again!" really mean. [more inside]
posted by j810c on Apr 19, 2016 - 21 answers

Was my ex a narcissist?

I just emerged from a relationship of several months which I have since realized was emotionally abusive. In attempting to understand it I have come to think that maybe she had NPD, but I don't know whether this is an accurate characterization. [more inside]
posted by myitkyina on Apr 4, 2016 - 25 answers

Is it legal to reveal the identity of child victims of sexual abuse?

I was horrified to read an article today on Buzzfeed about a 'heroic' Australian victim who raised several thousand dollars for a home for child victims of sexual abuse in Kenya. So far, so good. Except that the article included photographs of many of the young girls themselves. Those pictures are now on the internet forever. [more inside]
posted by matthew.alexander on Mar 23, 2016 - 11 answers

Should I rock the boat?

I have written a letter to my mother in which I try to show her that her marriage to my father is not what it claims to be, and that the promised happy times that are always just around the corner are probably never going to come. Should I send it? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 19, 2016 - 43 answers

Why don't psychiatrists ask about abuse?

I haven't been asked directly about my abuse and trauma history when meeting with mental health professionals. Is this standard? If so, why? [more inside]
posted by fair isle sock on Feb 23, 2016 - 16 answers

Literature on verbal and emotional abuse in romantic relationships

Looking for fiction, lyric essays, poetry, or theoretical texts that discuss emotional and verbal abuse in romantic relationships. Interested in both fiction and non-fiction, but not interested in self-help, psychology, life coach-y type lit, nor YA novels. [more inside]
posted by hollypolly on Feb 21, 2016 - 24 answers

Should I intervene in my brother's relationship? How?

My brother is behaving in ways that I consider emotionally abusive towards his long-term partner. She's on the cusp of moving across the country to be with him under questionable circumstances. I'm very alarmed by the patterns I'm picking up. What on Earth do I do, if anything? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 16, 2016 - 17 answers

Stop a cycle that technically isn't a cycle yet?

How to foster a household that is devoid of physical violence, including threats of violence? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 15, 2016 - 13 answers

Sexual abuse recovery chaos

This is me. In the two weeks since writing that post, I've talked to my partner and have had my first session with a therapist who specializes in sexual assault. Right now I feel like I am going crazy. What's going on? [more inside]
posted by fair isle sock on Jan 5, 2016 - 17 answers

Severing ties all the tie-me

I grew up in an abusive family. I haven’t spoken to my brother in forever. I plan to communicate minimally with my parents in the future. But this isn’t about them. It’s about the fact that I deal with friendships a little strangely. I tend to cut close friends out of my life abruptly. [more inside]
posted by kinoeye on Jan 3, 2016 - 13 answers

What are some resources about child on child sexual abuse?

What are some resources to help parents deal with child-on-child sexual abuse? Trigger Warning: details of the incident inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 30, 2015 - 6 answers

Are lovers' quarrels classifiable as abuse?

Are lovers' quarrels classifiable as abuse? [more inside]
posted by UbuRoivas on Nov 27, 2015 - 85 answers

Blamed for the death of someone I didn't even know...

I'm having a terrible time processing and dealing with the sudden death of someone I had never even met. Why? Well, she was my (now ex)boyfriends good friend and ex-fwb, with whom his friendship was kept a secret from me. And now he's blaming me for her death... [more inside]
posted by tenaciousmoon on Nov 20, 2015 - 53 answers

Fear of loneliness *and* fear of dating

I'm terrified of loneliness and terrified of dating. Needless to say, I'm wound up most of the time. What can I do about this? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 19, 2015 - 7 answers

Very upset after contact with abusive family members

Usually I am on cloud nine as to how great my life turned out despite childhood abuse and how thankful I am, but this week I suffered a setback and I wonder how to get over this. How do you get back to enjoying your current day life after a huge nasty abuse cloud from the past has come over you? [more inside]
posted by flink on Nov 11, 2015 - 14 answers

Snapped at friend-ish for standing me up--am I verbally abusive?

A guy I dated briefly canceled literally a minute before we were supposed to meet for dinner. He asked for a raincheck. I said some choice words that I now regret. [more inside]
posted by minoraltercation on Nov 7, 2015 - 31 answers

Abusive Father Turned Stalker

After twelve years of silence, an abusive father has been aggressively trying to get in touch. [more inside]
posted by LilithSilver on Nov 3, 2015 - 25 answers

Interstate Intervention?

The shit has hit the fan. The plane has crashed into the mountain. My out-of-town sister needs help for her drinking, depression and anxiety above and beyond what her loved ones or twice-a-week therapy can provide. Since interventions don't work, how do I get her the help she needs? [more inside]
posted by Pearl928 on Nov 3, 2015 - 14 answers

Examples of good anti-harassment policies & procedures?

I am a leader in a local hobby community and we are trying to deepen our existing policies for dealing with harassment and related issues in our scene. I'm looking for examples of policies and procedures from other communities that we might be able to adapt for our community, rather than starting from scratch. Can you suggest any good examples? [more inside]
posted by aka burlap on Oct 26, 2015 - 5 answers

I need to stop being abusive

I was in therapy, but then we moved to a developing country a few months ago where therapies are not the done thing. I was physically, emotionally and verbally abusive before therapy. After a lot of work, I am a lot less abusive, but I've found that I still engage in controlling behavior. For the sake of my mental health and my relationship I want to stop completely, but don't know how to without professional help. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 23, 2015 - 16 answers

Asking for a friend that needs a lover who won't drive her crazy.

Have a long-term long-distance friendship. She has a lot of challenges, including self-confidence issues. I would love to believe I could do something to get her more local friends. Ideally help her find a guy as accomplished as she is. [more inside]
posted by Wilbefort on Oct 21, 2015 - 15 answers

Recommendations for post-divorce mortgage communication?

I need a legally-enforceable, semi "public" method for my abusive ex to communicate to me evidence of his compliance with his legal responsibilities. We are in dispute over previously shared property but I have insisted on no contact and do not wish to enable my ex to contact me over any issue but the property. I don't want him to have my email address or that of an alias/other account in case he uses that address to send abuse, threats, or any other kind of unnecessary and unwanted correspondence. [more inside]
posted by LetticeLeaf on Oct 6, 2015 - 18 answers

Dealing with abusive former collaborator who runs in same social circles

My close professional relationship with a man ended badly because he was abusive towards me and I finally couldn’t take it anymore. He's blown up over tiny things, yelled at me until I cried, made inappropriate sexual advances, etc. He’s done this to at least 5 different women, but nobody wants to talk about it openly. [more inside]
posted by doodletoo on Sep 20, 2015 - 7 answers

Wouldn't it be nice to learn more about Brian Wilson?

I'd like to learn more about Brian Wilson and the Beach Boys. What biographies should I read? [more inside]
posted by PhoBWanKenobi on Sep 17, 2015 - 8 answers

How do I not hate myself for all this?

It will come as no surprise to some folks here that I am making such a post; however, many deeply felt frustrations have started to arise since I started college in April. [more inside]
posted by 8LeggedFriend on Aug 18, 2015 - 22 answers

Broke up with toxic ex, why do I feel like I did something wrong?

I broke up with my toxic ex roughly 2 weeks ago and I feel real empty and weird. I feel sad and feel like I did something wrong but he mainly to blame for this. More inside [more inside]
posted by ruebeignet on Aug 16, 2015 - 16 answers

Dealing with third party abuse allegations

Acquaintances in my creative community have made mutual accusations of emotional and sexual abuse. I do not know what the truth is and am not sure how to deal with their community participation in the future. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 10, 2015 - 9 answers

Get over it.

Previously abusive parent expresses this sentiment to their adult child: people make mistakes; that doesn't make them bad, it makes them human, and they shouldn't have to pay for it the rest of their lives. What is a healthy internal response? What is a healthy response to the parent? [more inside]
posted by Eolienne on Aug 6, 2015 - 41 answers

Helping a friend in crisis

Friend in mental health crisis; need advice on remaining steady and being there for her while setting boundaries. (trigger warning: sexual abuse, domestic abuse) [more inside]
posted by sunset in snow country on Aug 5, 2015 - 19 answers

Is family therapy recommended where there has been domestic violence?

When a child is in therapy, is it recommended to have parent meetings with the therapist if one of the parents has a history of violence toward the other? [more inside]
posted by Chaussette and the Pussy Cats on Jul 3, 2015 - 18 answers

My cat came home with singed whiskers... How concerned should I be?

My cat came home with singed whiskers... How concerned should I be? [more inside]
posted by tweedle on Jun 23, 2015 - 20 answers

Much worse than I thought.

I've kept my distance and set boundaries, but I just learned my family situation is much worse than I ever realized. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 17, 2015 - 6 answers

Having the hard conversations with good friends

Several of my friends have gone through some hard life events lately (death, unemployment and more) and I want to know how to talk about it with them. [more inside]
posted by Toddles on Jun 9, 2015 - 17 answers

Mom being drawn into anti-science/racist conspiracy thought please help

My mom is elderly. She and her husband support my mostly unemployed brother in his 30s. I live far away but talk to her daily. My sibling and his father are into racist, misogynistic ideas and believe the end of the world is coming. They stockpile supplies and make my mom read David Icke (anti-semitism thinly veiled as "reptile aliens" taking over the government) as well as how vaccines and GMOS are poisoning us. I tried to talk to her but she thinks what I say is hard to understand (academic language) so maybe science is hiding something. [more inside]
posted by partly squamous and partly rugose on May 31, 2015 - 11 answers

How can I accept being the slow, stupid student?

Two weeks ago I started college for the first time. My own intellectual deficiencies, impatience, and self-hatred as started to rise to the surface once more. [more inside]
posted by 8LeggedFriend on May 10, 2015 - 39 answers

Resources for surviving emotional abuse

I'm seeking techniques, advice and resources on how to protect oneself in an abusive relationship. [more inside]
posted by Les Socks Du Mal on May 6, 2015 - 14 answers

Preparing to leave marriage, how to deal with sex in meantime

I am in an abusive relationship. Not physical, but mental, emotional and verbal. I want to stress that there is no physical abuse. I am getting my ducks in a row & working on an exit strategy. It will be ugly when I leave, so I really need to have things in order when I do. Problem is - I haven't had sexual relations with my husband due to the fact that his treatment of me over the past year has repulsed me to the point that even the thought of it makes my skin crawl. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 2, 2015 - 28 answers

Am I really wrong for wanting my husband to stay in counseling?

My husband and I have had a terrible past year. He has verbally, emotionally and mentally abused me. We each started into individual counseling last fall. His counselor is extremely perceptive and has keyed in on behaviours that lead to him abusing me, and we've both noticed real improvement at home as a result. After one month without any abuse, now he wants to quit counseling. This led to a nasty fight, where he thinks that I am a bad, manipulative person for wanting him to stick with counseling. Now I feel absolutely awful in every way. [more inside]
posted by chatelaine on Apr 29, 2015 - 117 answers

Turns out, I'm an asshole

It's become abundantly clear that the way in which I lose my temper and the frequency with which I do so is (and it's hard to admit this) abusive. My wife has rightly given me an ulitmatum. I need a plan and I have no idea how or where to begin. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 20, 2015 - 71 answers

How can I navigate a very challenging living situation?

My parents are controlling, manipulative, and verbally abusive, but I cannot afford to leave. What are my options? [more inside]
posted by summertimesadness1988 on Apr 17, 2015 - 35 answers

Did I emotionally violate myself, or did he emotionally violate me?

I've been getting closer and closer to the guy I've been dating for six months. He's very lovely. The other week I worried a little that we weren't close 'enough' for where I want to be, and mentioned in passing that I usually would've told past boyfriends some pretty big (dark) things that haven't come up yet in our relationship. I explained that this was less because I didn't trust him and more because I guess I'm experimenting with the idea that these things (child sexual abuse, a very abusive relationship with an alcoholic in my teens) don't define me and I don't need to 'fess up' as being 'damaged' like I have previously. However, he took it to mean that there was lots about me he didn't know which he has said he finds 'distressing', and he also wants me to trust him with these things. He's mentioned it twice since, and I ended up just telling him the other night mainly to reassure him, but I now feel a little....emotionally exposed, and not sure whether I did that to myself (he didn't force them out of me, but I did feel pressured), or whether I should let him know that it made me feel uncomfortable and that I wasn't quite ready. I don't want to offend him again, or cause a rupture in what is otherwise a great relationship. [more inside]
posted by starstarstar on Apr 3, 2015 - 31 answers

TIme to go

Time to move out, my friends. I realized I'm being threatened to be disowned again. However, unlike the other times I think the other person might be serious this time around. So tell me about all the resources needed and how fast can I leave? [more inside]
posted by chrono_rabbit on Mar 28, 2015 - 26 answers

Severe Neglect in a Six-Year-Old - what to consider before adopting?

We have the opportunity to adopt a 6.5-year-old child who previously suffered from neglect and malnutrition, but does not show signs of trauma or lack of attachment. What do we need to consider, know and act upon right away? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 14, 2015 - 21 answers

When abuse survivors become abusive…

What does the road to recovery look like for abuse survivors, especially pertaining to their romantic relationships post-abuse? Do they often break free of all abusive relationships, how likely is it to turn into an abuse or be abused dichotomy? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 13, 2015 - 12 answers

Evicting my daughter or -- ?

I want to help my troubled 21-year-old daughter, but mostly I just want her out of my house at this point, without her destroying my stuff or hitting me. Would you read my wall-o'-text and give me your advice? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 6, 2015 - 46 answers

Handling being hit on 101

I am a butch genderqueer trauma survivor with severe PTSD. I just moved away from abusive family and living on my own for the first time in a decade. I was feeling very positive and safe until a drunk guy groped me and tried to come into my apartment. Can you teach me how to handle that as I have no experience dealing with random gropes due to how I look and my response was wrong in every way? [more inside]
posted by kanata on Feb 21, 2015 - 33 answers

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