Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with Talking

Doctor, Doctor, allow me to give you the news...

French Fry — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 10:53:15 -0800

I need help talking to doctors. I never know what to say and don't seem to give the right information. I would like help knowing what kinds of things I should remember to say and how I should say them. I have, over the course of my life, had many doctors and similar problems always come up.

1) I'll have a visit with a doctor and they'll discover a problem, and ask me how long it's been going on. I'll tell them that it is as long as I've been seeing them. That will of course lead to incredulous looks and questions of why I have "never brought it up before" and I honestly have no idea.

2) I'll get sick and go see the doctor. I'll get a diagnosis and prescription. Then when I don't get better I'll go back to the doctor and often it turns out that something I'll casually mention the second (or fifth) visit will instantly cue the doctor in on what's wrong and bang! problem solved.

The first problem has been helped, but not solved, by making lists of things to ask my doctor about. Otherwise I will automatically say "I'm fine"
The second problem is more of a mystery. Patients: what things do you always tell your doctor about if they come up? Doctors: what sort of things do you wish your patients kept an eye on?

My mother loves to talk when I really don't want to listen right now!

InterestedInKnowing — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 09:40:33 -0800

How can I drown out my mother's constant advice giving banter? I love my mom. I really do. She is the strongest woman I know. But sometimes I find it hard to tune her out when she is talking to me and giving me advice like a child. It makes me feel so annoyed. I don't mean to be that way but damn I feel I can't tell her to sit down and watch some TV. If I'm on the computer, it usually means "Do Not Disturb." But she loves, loves, LOVES to talk. She tells me things as if they are new concepts to me. Arrrgggh. What can I do? And she picks holes into my concepts at times which makes listening to her even harder. Either how can I gently tell her to stop her non-direct nagging or how can I stop being so annoyed at her jabbering?

Is it possible to help someone become a better communicator/conversationalist without offending him?

emilyd22222 — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 11:31:22 -0800

Is it possible to help someone become a better communicator/conversationalist without offending him? I am dating someone who is a great guy, but never learned to communicate effectively because he's from a family of terrible conversationalists (I've seen it in action) and he was a very awkward and shy child/teenager. We are mutually breaking up soon because our lives are taking us in different directions. However, if there wasn't that barrier, I don't think we'd last long because he can't hold a conversation. He doesn't ask people (including me) questions, either spontaneously or to inquire about something they've mentioned, no matter how obviously it calls for a response on his part. For example, if I would mention that I was arrested once, instead of asking what happened, he'd say, "Oh," and that would be the end of that. He also has trouble expressing what he wants in any way, verbal or nonverbal, and I have witnessed this piss the hell out of people who misinterpret his nonverbal waffling.

From what I can tell, this is how he communicates with just about everyone, so I don't believe that the problem is that he's not interested in me.

I am looking for a way to encourage him to do things like ask questions of people to stimulate conversation. However, I do not want to hurt his feelings or offend him. He is pursuing a career that will require him to communicate effectively, and I can't see a way that this would not hold him back. I don't want him to hear it from someone when it's already been a dealbreaker. We haven't been together for long, and this communication thing has really impacted how comfortable we've gotten in being open with each other, so I feel that I have to approach this particularly carefully.

Disclaimer: I can't change people, nor is it my responsibility to do so. I know that. I just want the best for him, because he deserves it. I wouldn't be where I am now if I hadn't been gently nudged along the way. I just care about him and want to do the same for him.

GrossFilter: Sometimes when I talk for long periods or get really mad, I get this buildup around my lips and eyes.. which I discover afterwards and feel embarrassed that all that time I had shit growing on my face.

In Heaven — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 02:21:11 -0800

GrossFilter: Sometimes when I talk for long periods or get really mad, I get this buildup around my lips and eyes.. which I discover afterwards and feel embarrassed that all that time I had shit growing on my face. It's really strange, maybe since I don't talk much anymore. But when I do, and what I mean is... say I'm in this long heated argument, or something where you're really in the convo and take no breaks, and kind of tense, like bulging eyes and stuff lol. I'm talking hours.. few times it happened, luckily I was on the phone. I got off, went to the bathroom, and in the corners of my lips, where they meet, was like white stuff, like when my lips open and close in the crease it leaves a white shit that's like half skin mixed with saliva turned solid white grossness.

Well today, it happened again, but this time I was with someone, and it wasn't my lips.. it was my freakin eyes!! The two outer corners, that white shit was there. I was like wholy fuck. It looked like I had two dabs of lotion on my eyes.

Has anyone had this happen?? It never used to happen, maybe it's old age?

Any way to treat it other than making sure to wipe my face every half hour?

Am I giving my cat an identity crisis?

banannafish — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 19:02:03 -0800

Am I giving my cat a complex? I call my cat a large variety of names, including but not limited to her original name. She is a little over 10 years old and I've been calling her nicknames for the past, oh, 9 years and 363 days and today it occurred to me that maybe she is completely confused when I talk to her. Okay, yeah, so I talk to my cat. And when I do, I call her by her name (Jabberwocky) or variant (Jabbles, Jabber, Jabbie) or other affectionate nicknames including but not limited to Craig, Stinky, Meowy, KittenKitKit and Craiger McCraigerson... you get the idea.

She usually responds to Jabberwocky and is now picking up on Craig since my SO and I discovered Graham Roumieu and his lovable Bigfoot, but sometimes when I talk to her she just looks at me like I'm a human talking to a cat. When I am, lets say, talking on the phone and use other names to address people I may be speaking to/about, she doesn't seem to notice or care. However, when I am petting her and call her the goofy names she looks vexed.

Should I stop torturing my cat and call her only by her God-given Monster-inspired name? Does she even care?

New Slang

god particle — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 21:25:08 -0800

I love slang and colloquialisms. Where can I go to pick up more? I'm very into slang and colloquialisms and will often make up my own in the middle of conversation. I'm interested in exposing myself to more via the internet. Where are some places I can go to pick up more? Urban Dictionary is alright, but I don't like its browsing system. I am less interested in non-American slang (including British slang). I remember there being some other sites kind of similar to Urban Dictionary where people would coin new words and vote on them, or something like that.
Also, slang dictionaries (the ones you buy in bookstores) are generally extremely outdated and contain phrases that I don't even consider to be slang anymore.

talking to people on the phone

isoman2kx — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 20:58:56 -0800

This is obviously a girl-induced question, but generally I dislike the phone no matter who I'm talking to because of good ol' anxiety/being tired. I'll never love the phone, but I was thinking about a few options. 1) Would it help to just randomly call stores daily and ask for things? 2) Volunteering as like a call-handler/receptionist somewhere (I applied for the receptionist deal at memorial park conservation). I'm lazy when it comes to volunteering though and I don't know if #1 is the best option because the other person isn't really talking as I'd be doing all the talking. What does the great council of mefites recommend? And no talking to people in everyday life more is not an option, I don't believe in socializing :).

Easy conversation prompts

gilsonal — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 23:01:06 -0800

I am looking for conversational topics/ questions that are relatively easy to answer, on topics that aren't too personal...help me come up with some! I'm working with a person who is very shy and has a hard time talking to others. To practice, we're going to start with some very simple questions, ideally not to personal or requiring much of an opinion, since those things are harder for him. I've looked up a lot of standard conversation starters online, but I'd like some of your ideas on cool/interesting questions to ask so that i don't feel like I'm interrogating him. Bonus points on being open ended, so that he can elaborate if he wants. Any questions you were asked that really started a great conversation?

Help me find my voice

Bunglegirl — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 15:30:41 -0800

How can I transform from a low talker into someone people can hear? I have a very quiet voice and people like to joke about me being a "low talker." The thing is, I can't speak up and my voice just doesn't project across a room. I usually prefer talking to only one person at a time because if I'm in a group I have to either wait for eye contact to speak or wait for a definite pause in the conversation to avoid being talked over. Recently I was talking to a friend at a party and she walked away because she didn't hear me. I'm used to this but it's pretty embarrassing when there's someone else there and they notice.

I used to lose my voice at bars all of the time trying to "speak up" so even the person next to me could hear. Now that there's no smoking in bars it's a little better but it's still happening at times. A group of about six of us were waiting for our table in a noisy restaurant and after a little while I started to speak and felt a sharp pain in my throat from straining so hard to talk at a normal volume. Water helps a little but after it's started I can't speak much the rest of the night.

The searches I've done for this don't seem to help my situation, the advice seems to be to speak up (so people can hear me) or talk less during the day to not strain my voice. I work from home and go for long periods without talking at all so I doubt overtalking is the problem. And, like I've said, my shouting volume seems to be normal volume for most people.

My close friends and family are pretty good about understanding me and even if they ask "what?" they usually realize they understood me before I repeat myself. The biggest problem I have is in noisy venues (bars, restaurants, concerts) or in groups larger than three people. I used to mumble a lot too but when I'm around people that I don't know I've become pretty good about annunciation and speaking clearly so now it's just the volume that's a problem.

How can I make myself heard better (projection or increasing the volume of my voice) and not strain my throat/voicebox when I do try to speak up?

This one goes to eleven.

jbickers — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 17:23:54 -0800

My three-year-old daughter talks loud. Loud. LOUD. Any parenting tips/tricks on encouraging quieter communication? First and foremost, it's not her hearing, which we've had tested. It's not the environment, as her 6-year-old brother communicates fine at normal levels.

But bless her heart, this little girl just loves to talk loud. Almost everything she says, she says at maximum volume - especially if we're in public.

Before anyone says "All three-year-old girls are that way ..." ... um, no, they're not. We're around a lot of three-year-olds, both genders, and none of them are as doggedly Loud Howard as my girl is.

I've tried both ends of the firmness spectrum (from really firm to "oh, it's okay, she's just being a kid") and everything in between, and nothing seems to click with her. I honestly think she just really likes talking very loudly.

Parents, any behavioral tips/tricks you can offer on how to encourage her to find her inside voice? I'm sure she has one, she just hasn't found it yet.

Help me "spit the words" out.

sandmanwv — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 13:14:34 -0800

Suggestions on helping me 'spit words out'? Whenever someone greets me, or asks a question that needs a quick response, as the beginning of a conversation or interaction, I can barely say anything. Usually what comes out is garbled, mumbled or out of the blue. Somebody might say "Hey how ya doing?" and I'll reply, mumbled "good morning"-- and its 3pm. Or I'll say something unintelligible to myself. This is double worse on the phone. "how may I help you?".. the first words in the reply are garbled.. so bad, I hate talking on the phone mainly because the beginnings. After that, I'm ok, and speak confidently and clearly. Friends have made fun of me for this, so its not a self concious thing.

Do you have suggestions? I don't have time in these situations to stop and think about answers, they usually require a quick verbal acknowledgment

Why do some men hang out to talk in office restrooms?

kittyprecious — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 08:06:46 -0800

Men: Do you socialize in the restroom at work? WHY? I work in an office building where various companies on each floor share a single, fairly-big men's room (four urinals, five stalls). I drink a lot of water at my desk, so I'm in there fairly frequently and I've noticed a number of times that random groups of two or three guys (who I assume work together) will be in there at the same time, chatting, doing their business, and then stand by the sinks and talk for a good few minutes after they've finished washing up.

Granted, it's not a dirty place, but why would anyone stay in the restroom longer than necessary when there's a nice wide hallway right outside that doesn't have a vague odor of human waste and ring with the sounds of waste elimination? Clearly, this perception isn't universal, and these guys are mostly government contractors and assorted ex-military types.

Who's the woman speaking on NWA's "Gangsta Gangsta"?

redteam — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 19:50:00 -0800

Who is the woman sampled speaking on NWA's "Gangsta Gangsta"? She says "hopin' you sophisticated motherfuckers here what I have to say", "he'll fuck up you and yours - and anything that gets in his way", and "he'll just call you a lowlife motherfucker and talk about your funky ways." I've checked http://www.the-breaks.com/ and the samples section on "Straight Outta Compton's" Wikipedia page.

I remember at Lollapalooza '93 in Los Angeles, the sound guys played the source of those samples in between bands. It was like a series of speeches by a woman. I'd really like to hear it in its entirety but I've never been able to find it.

People who repeat themselves

yorick — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 08:41:43 -0800

I know a few people who repeat themselves quite often in conversation. They are doing me no explicit harm, yet I get impatient & sometimes a bit angry. In an effort to be more relaxed about such behavior, I'd like to know more about what drives people to be repetitive, and why it might strike a nerve with recipients such as myself. The most severe example is when I tell someone that I've already heard the story/comment they're about to tell me and they proceed anyway. I'm sure part of my diastase is due to them dismissing my "I heard this before" statement.

Some milder repetition that pushes my buttons, despite seeming harmless:
-- Describing the same thing/event repeatedly without adding new detail, just reiterating the same information with different words
-- Perfect memory is an unreasonable expectation, but after the 3rd/4th time being told something again, my buttons get pushed.

Any insight on this behavior & the reactions it inspires is appreciated. I want to make good on that live & let live thing.

Muttering : where do you cross the line?

stinkycheese — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 10:37:42 -0800

Muttering to oneself : how much is too much? And what if the muttering consists largely of profanity? See also.

Brass tongue

pwally — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 09:57:18 -0800

Why can't I articulate thoughts as crisply as I would like to? Some people can expound on their thoughts for a long period of time without a hitch. I usually express my idea in one sentence, maybe two if I can manage. Life would be better if I were able to ask/answer questions and have the other person/people be satisfied with my answer because it addressed everything that it should have.

I can answer very specific questions perfectly fine, its not lack of knowledge that is holding me back. Rather it's broad questions where I find myself thinking "sh%t where do I even begin". This most likely has to do with my predominantly divergent thinking style, meaning I do not think linearly unless I force myself to do so.

I've got this feeling that most people just have some procedural knowledge built in and for some reason it's lost on me. So how do you go about organizing what you are going to say before you say it? What are strategies for speaking like a pro?

Me No Speaky Good, Help Me MetaFilter!

willie11 — Sat, 19 Jan 2008 09:46:16 -0800

[ConversationFilter] Me no speaky so good no more. Please help! I've become what I can't stand... a boring conversationalist. Don't get me wrong, I have things to say. I just can't seem to say them in an engaging way. I have trouble structuring stories, anecdotes, or even simple statements of more than a few sentences in a way that keeps anyone's attention. I feel like I just end up either talking in circles, repeating the same points over and over, or going off on uninmportant tangents. The result is always that same "get to it" look on people's faces.

Things haven't always been this way. I've been hunkered down for the last few years spending most of my days and nights with my girlfriend, cat, and laptop, so it's obvious that lack of social interaction is behind this. But when I go out to be social, I'm at a loss for conversation.

Anyone have any ideas or resources? Been through something like this before? Should I just give up and adopt more cats?

Talking to the dying

NorthCoastCafe — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 15:12:18 -0800

A good friend just received a brain cancer diagnosis with an estimated one year survival time. She wants to talk about death and time. She thinks I have something to teach or tell her worth hearing. I'd like to be helpful, but have no confidence in my ability to say or do anything meaningful. What I've said so far she appreciates. What can I read that might help me frame discussions. I don't need pop psychology stuff, or advice dealing with the health care system or funeral arrangements. I like the idea of Zen notions of letting go but am too ignorant to know what to say. Advice, experience, suggestions for gathering information please.

Would it be possible for me to talk twice as much?

uandt — Mon, 26 Nov 2007 08:55:40 -0800

If you are good at both talking and signing, to what extent can you have two simultaneous and different conversations going at the same time?

Help me resolve me an issue with socializing.

gregb1007 — Sun, 28 Oct 2007 02:27:18 -0800

Help me resolve me an issue with socializing. When I socialize (i.e just socializing and not dating) with people for the first few times, I pay close attention to their interests/preoccupations and really engage them on those things. That also means making sure to be aware of a person's sensitive points and to suppress things that might strike them as odd or unappealing. (Believe me, that kinda filter is sometimes helpful, because friction/faux-pas can occur otherwise.)

Anyhow, while this advantage has the approach of making things flow really well with the person I am talking to and makes them comfortable with opening up, eventually things go awry when I loosen up a bit after quite a few (at least 3 or 4) "cautious" personal encounters.

Problem is that once I suddenly get the wish to discuss my particular interests and express more of my personal thoughts and emotions, it does get awkward. Maybe too much info for the other person's comfort. (Oh that's how you feel about issue a and that's what you think about event b... That's nice, but I don't really care.)

Well maybe that other person is not responding to what I share not because they don't care, but rather because they are cautious. Either way, it's awkward.

What could I do to make sharing personal thoughts/ideas without creating an uncomfortable social situation?

P.S . After I get "looser," I still keep my interest in the other person and what they say, I don't shut them out. I just share more of myself.

I'll take my eggs easy over while I read my mazagine.

nevercalm — Wed, 15 Aug 2007 17:07:18 -0800

LinguisticsFilter: A friend of mine tends to unintentionally mix her words at times. What is this called? Examples within.... We were talking the other night about the Eggcorn Database, when we got onto the subject of how she somewhat frequently transposes two words in a phrase - for instance "easy over," "reef coral" or "polish nail," instead of "over easy," "coral reef" and "nail polish." These make sense, kind of, and in some cases give a new slant to the phrase. It's unlike the eggcorn phenomena, tho, because these are words or phrases she knows perfectly well, just tends to habitually mispronounce.

However, sometimes she does it even within words, like "mazagine," or switches beginning letters of two words in a phrase, like "foon sped" instead of "spoon fed."

What is this called, besides transposition? Is it a different case where the phrase still retains actual words vs rendering the word or phrase nonsensical? She generally says "verbally dyslexic," but that doesn't seem to capture it fully. Neither of us is thinking that it's some sort of disorder, it's just that she has done this since she was young, it's not an everyday thing, but it happens often enough for it to be memorable. We're interested in Googling around to see if others do this but are not quite sure where to start....

How a Deaf Person Communicates with a Blind Person?

Locative — Fri, 29 Jun 2007 06:19:40 -0800

How can a deaf person communicate with a blind person? My neighbors are a married blind man and deaf woman. I've communicated with the deaf woman via pen and paper before, and she wrote that she can't lipread. She seems to be completely deaf because when she vocalizes, it isn't understandable. I don't know them well enough to just ask them about this, and googling only brings up info about people who are deaf and blind. How do they talk to one another?

How to pop the testing question without killing the mood?

Anonymous — Sun, 22 Apr 2007 04:01:10 -0800

My basic question is how to do the “let’s get tested for STDs” talk/request without turning off the other person. General responses are great, and if you have the patience to read about my experience inside, specific advice and suggestions would be really nice. So I asked a guy I was dating for a couple of months and probably turned him off in the process, because we broke up later that day. I doubt it was the only reason for the split (we had some personality conflicts) but it certainly feels like a contributing factor. I’m less experienced, he knows that, and we had made out a few times (kissing, snuggling, handjobs for him). On the day we split, when we made out he asked if I would want to try oral sex. I do and told him so, but said I also had concerns and wanted to be safe, and asked if he would consider getting tested. I also asked how many people he’d had sex with. I said I would get tested too – This confused him a little, I think, b/c I’ve told him I’m a virgin, so I explained that it would be to be fair and for his peace of mind. Then he said that he’s ok b/c he had given blood last year - (is that equivalent to an STD test by the way? should I have stopped talking about testing at that point?)

I explained why I was asking - that I had seen a clinic's chart which showed more health risks for women performing oral sex on men than vice versa, and that I just wanted to be safe before going ahead & trying oral sex. He mentioned that he was careful and had never had sex of any kind with someone who had a sore on her lip or genitals. I told him that was cool but that things like that probably aren’t always visible on a person’s body surface. I offered to show him the chart I was talking about online when we got back to my apt. I think that's where I went wrong. Because he said that he didn't want to look at charts, that it didn't sound romantic. And when we got back, we didn't go back to my apt. He called me later that night to break up. I know other personality conflicts were a part of that decision, but I feel like the way I handled the "let's get tested" talk played a part. Is there a better way? How have you handled it? Even if this question doesn't show it, I do have a sense of humor and would be willing to try a more playful approach if that’s better than being clinical and straightforward.

Also, hopefully, next time, the guy will still want to see me after I ask...so what happens next after you ask? Do you show each other your lab results? If someone says they gave blood & that's an acceptable screen for STDs...is it ok to ask for proof (an "I gave blood" sticker?). I realize some amount of trust is necessary in relationships where sex is involved & I can't always be sure. I just want some idea of what is reasonable & how specifically to request it without turning someone off. I suddenly feel like asking someone to get tested so that he can be the recipient of my first, awkward, fumbling attempts at pleasing him is like asking a lot of someone. I don’t want to feel that way.

Loud-mouthed coworker shares TMI...

Anonymous — Thu, 28 Dec 2006 23:43:57 -0800

How to deal with a loud-mouthed coworker? So how can I deal with and/or block out a work colleague sitting on the other side of a cube who talks incessantly, making mainly personal calls for upwards of 2-3 hours per day? In her non-phone conversation she is also quite loud. I'm not in her department (thankfully...) but based on my physical position, when she's not around I hear her dept. colleagues talk about how she also gets on their nerves consistently and how they have to pick up the slack for the work she doesn't get finished due to her lolly-gagging.

Is this just a question of learning how to effectively block out the behavior of another person, or do I have the right to politely go to her supervisor, explain my position with the possibility that he/she may intervene? Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Advice for effective communication?

Phire — Sat, 14 Oct 2006 21:17:51 -0800

Whenever a relationship question is asked, it seems like the answer is always "communicate". Talk to the person, explain what's wrong, establish the communication barrier. I'm not saying the answer is wrong - after all, it's a requisite answer for a reason - but surely, it's easier said than done? So Hive Mind, what advice can you share on tackling difficult issues, be it with friends, family, or partners? Do you sit down and make them realize you need to talk, or do you segue into it casually? Do you think about it ahead of time, plan the topics and consider your points carefully, or do you start off on a tangent and say whatever comes in your mind?