I've recently ended a very intense emotional relationship with someone and now I've lost my sense of identity. So much of who I was was tied up in her, I don't seem to know how to be me now she's gone. Has anything helped you, in a similar position? [more inside]
I spend soul shredding hours focused on things I lack, like good looks and social grace. I'm aware that my only real choice is to focus on the life I have and to live it with the traits I possess. I know that, but on some level I don't accept it. So how does one dispense with unnecessary suffering, accept what is, and carve out a decent life? I'm running out of time. Background below... [more inside]
I'm looking for a therapist to help with my excessively self-destructive, masochistic desires and tendencies. Don't misunderstand; I don't need a "kink-aware" therapist, because these feelings do not fall within the realm of safe, sane, and consensual; they're compulsive, intrusive, and interfering with my life. They are also not exclusivly sexual or fetishistic in nature. I'm putting myself in real danger, and I need someone to help me stop wanting to.
My husband drinks 6+ beers a night and smokes 2 packs a day. I used to drink quite a bit, but when I took note of how much it drains out bank account, I cut down to 1 or none a night. In the last month he has spent over $500 on drinks and cigarettes. That is money we could be saving. How can I implore him to stop without being a nag? [more inside]
In 6-8 months, I'll be finishing school and and looking to start practicing as a professional independently in my field. I don't want to go into detail, but I will be a health professional who will be responsible for preserving lives in potentially dire situations. I'm smart and capable, but I don't always sound like I am. I need to learn to speak more elegantly, eloquently, and beautifully so I will inspire confidence in clients and potential clients. I'm a female from a sort of upper middle class background from southern CA with a host of less charming and confidence inspiring collloquialisms (like saying 'like' like a whole lot!). Right now I'm a student living on student money so I can't afford private coaches or expensive lessons. The ideal for me would be to sound like Julie Andrews in The Princess Diaries (of course I don't want to fake her accent though, just speak in the same manner). I'm at a loss on where to start.
I've always known I was a little different. I have trouble remembering things from my relatively normal childhood, so it took until high school to connect the few dots I had, but after I did that, I relished in the attraction I felt for certain other men. It was exciting and made me feel as though I was part of a community with a common story. I grew up with conservative parents who I haven't been able to tell but who I suspect have an inkling, given the things they found left open on my teenage computer and my shy, sensitive nature. I was fine with not making it a part of my identity and limited its sphere of influence to my taste in porn and online friendships. I never felt the need for a relationship- with women or men- but I enjoyed the way validation from "manly" men made me feel both emotionally and physically. [more inside]
Today's world demands high security devices, like an aggressively self-destructing USB drive. I would like advice on the possibility of creating such a thing if one wouldn't mind offering wisdom. [more inside]
I need help. I am seeking therapy for this issue, but it will take about six weeks before I can get in. My partner (m 36) and I (f 34) are not having sex. It has been about four months. He is dealing with depression and anxiety issues and is on medication for this. This has been pretty hard for me since we greatly enjoyed such an active sex life prior to this. He attributes our sexual issues to his diagnosis and medication. In my head I believe what he tells me, but this is triggering past issues for me that are getting in the way of me believing what he says. The fact that he masturbates at least once a day is hard for me to handle. [more inside]
I've felt a change in my personality and how I handle things lately, and it's making me uneasy. [more inside]
What tools/gadgets for self defense would you recommend for a small to medium sized woman? [more inside]
Specifically books about the blossoming of The Self [more inside]
What I’m trying to figure out now is how to trust people again, trust myself again, and find myself/my voice again. [more inside]
I am struggling and I don't know how to handle this and not make myself completely miserable along the way [more inside]
As I'm edging closer to middle age, I am struck by how little I know myself. Occasionally I am asked to talk or write about myself (mainly for work purposes) and I have no idea what to say. I am fairly aware of my range of skills, but I have very little insight as to my personality traits. I have done the Myer-Briggs test, read several books and completed various career assessments, but I still struggle to define who I am. More details inside - but in short: how do others define and describe themselves? How do you become aware of yourself? Think more pragmatic/philosophical descriptions of your personality traits and less about CV bloats. [more inside]
I'm in my second semester of a professional master's program at a top-10 program. I can keep up with the classwork, but I get really caught up in comparing myself to other people. It not only makes me feel horrible, it significantly takes away from me doing my work. I'm prone to depression and lots of social anxiety anyway (I do have a therapist, we haven't talked about the self-comparison as much), but am well-liked in my program. I'd say I'm about on par with other folks in my program in terms of accomplishments (some have much more, some do less), so my intense feelings of inadequacy are mostly unwarranted. However, when I hear people talking about doing things I'm not (eg working with professors more than me, getting fellowships), I feel absolutely terrible. What should I be doing or trying to do to knock it off? Mental hacks, philosophical approaches, practical tips all welcome, though I should say I understand intellectually that there will always be someone doing more than me and that's life.
I'm going through some things that have both brought me a lot of sadness and presented an opportunity to change my life for the better. I'm wondering if there are any books the MeFi hive can recommend, novels, memoirs or otherwise. They should be about people who have suffered loss, perhaps enduring shame, but emerging better for it. [more inside]
I'm 25. I studied design in school and realized I don't want to practice it and I don't fit in to typical office environments. I started freelancing and I'm thrilled by the amount of freedom it offers but I'm also worried about how sustainable this lifestyle is. [more inside]
I feel invisible. Either that, or just forgotten/not cared for. Any solutions or experiences coping with being ignored? [more inside]
I am fascinated and more then a little curious about self-promotion. Not the kind that you use to get hired or promote a new project or in a professional way, more of the spectacular kind of like the Xmas letter variety where everyone and all is so super great, but not just limited to that. [more inside]
Hi Mefi Community, I would like to apply for an MFT grad program but feel a huge block when it comes to the personal statement, as well as the letter of reference(s). One of my recommenders has asked that I draft the letter of reference and he will approve it after review, but I've never actually even seen one of these before, so do not know where to begin! [more inside]
I'm a girl that is 1,76 m tall, and I'm having serious problems with my height. I'm getting really depressed with it over time and I've come to the point where I am completely desperate. I really need some help. [more inside]
I feel like I have very different (by society's standards) sides to me... and I don't know how to truly be myself in either one. [more inside]
I need to learn how to live for myself first, and not place so much of my self-worth on how people I'm dating view me. Please help. [more inside]
Or, more suitably... your best advice to someone trying to learn more about themselves (become stronger, learn what I want/need/wont settle for) to prepare for dating in the distant future. [more inside]
I went through a pretty wretched breakup of a long-term relationship earlier this year and am still dealing with the ill effects. I'm not interested in dating anyone, or rather don't think I should date anyone, for a while. But I'm getting really into the idea of dating myself. Please help me come up with ideas to do that! [more inside]
I've decided to quit my corporate job and try my hand at launching a personal consulting business. What are some excellent resources that cover all manner of logistical necessities in this domain? [more inside]
I'm interested in dating and otherwise be-friend a guy. We have common interests and he seems to be "nice" and has a high level of intelligence. That said - Every conversation revolves around him. I love to ask people questions and let them "talk freely about their life or whatever"... but at some point you want to have a two-sided conversation. How can I politely make this point without coming across in the wrong way? This is not someone I have known longer then a couple dates.
I know self help books have a bad reputation, but some transcend the genre. Any subject, from parenting to finance to spirituality is ok. [more inside]
Negotiating self pay medical bill. I want to have an idea of how much the surgical practice/surgeon would have been paid if the patient had had insurance. How much will they get if they hire a collection agency? Do they get a percentage or just sell the debit for a fixed price? The patient is being billed 1850.00 self pay for the procedure. The procedure was at a major Boston hospital and the patient is being billed self pay due to a temporary lapse in subsidized insurance. The hospital has already written off the bill. The billing date was sometime around the end of March 2013. The patient has been told by the billing organization that represents the surgeon that they have to deal directly with the surgeon or their practice.
I need to be more direct with my communication, and I just find it very difficult to do it. What are some ways I can get over the fears in my head and be more direct, as in, ask for what I need directly and stop being such a pushover? [more inside]
About a week ago I went through this horrible self-esteem crisis. It occurred to me that almost everyone I know has a degree from a university, but that I do not. In an organization I am a member of, everyone there is a lawyer, professor, teacher, engineer, etc., and the friends I have all have Bachelor's or Master's degrees. Here I am with no degree and having dropped out of three universities – it makes me feel like such a failure. In the next two weeks I'll be starting truck driving school – I feel like it is something I can do and be successful at? – but I still have accomplished nothing that compares to a degree! [more inside]
Hello! I am an independent contractor (1099 Misc form) for the first time in my life and need some tax advice as the budget is a bit tight! Therapy, acupuncture, bicycle, insurance, computer, etc. How do deductions work? [more inside]
How do I fight my inner self-saboteur? [more inside]
Hello all. I have been struggling with anxiety and depression for the last 9 years. It even led me to develop an addiction. I have kicked the addiction, but now I cant seem to change my way of thinking. Does anyone know of any good books or workbooks that changed their toxic thinking habits? Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
Self-help in the 19th century . . . During the Civil War era, if an ordinary person wanted to improve himself, what resources were available? [more inside]
How can I not be self-conscious about the hair on my arms? [more inside]
Lets say you have 30 minutes a day for the next six months, and at the end of the six month period you have the vague goal of being an extra awesome, turned-up-to-eleven version of yourself. What types of things do you focus on? What skills/behaviours/changes to your life do you take on to achieve that goal? Big or small changes, it doesn't matter.
Hey all. Posting my questions to this community has been very helpful. I'm thankful so far for the advice I've been getting. This question has to do with something I've been struggling with my whole adulthood. I was diagnosed with clinical depression in my teens, and since then it's really limited a lot of what I can do. It didn't help much that I married a very overbearing person when I was 19 who basically took over my life for me. I left him two years ago and I've been recovering from my depression thanks to medication and a lot of self help techniques. I've started exercising and eating right, and I've lost weight, which I'm happy about. My next goal is to become self sufficient. My work ethic needs help though because I have a lot of trouble getting things done. I believe it stems from all those years I spent in deep depression and not being able to take care of myself. I procrastinate out of being overwhelmed and fearful of outcomes. I wouldn't call it laziness. It's just tough for me to learn a new way of living. Any advice on how to deal with this and improve my work ethic? I believe it's due time I start getting out of my own way. Thank you MeFi community. :)
Can anybody recommend a book that will teach me how to be assertive without sounding bitchy? Or, maybe it's a self-esteem issue that I'm dealing with. I'd like to communicate better. [more inside]
I’ve been researching a lot, and have read time and time again, that during interviews, you’re also interviewing the employer to see if you’re a “good fit” together and that you should never seem desperate for a job, but rather, you should pretend money is no object and you’re only there because you think it would be fun, etc. The question is—how do you do this when you are in fact desperate for money and you need a job ASAP? (long-winded details behind cut) [more inside]
Self-destruction: How do you manage to dig yourself out of the hole? [more inside]
I've recently realized that we develop and make progress in our life when we experience new things and get out of our comfort zone. What are the different ways we can experience new things?
I've recently realized that we develop and make progress in our life when we experience new things and get out of our comfort zone. What are the different ways we can experience new things? [more inside]
Techniques for developing a better sense/continuity of self? [more inside]
What does it take to be a genetic engineer? The sort that modify gene sequences to make organisms better suited for humanity. Is it possible to be a self taught genetic engineer with textbooks and home made lab equipment without endangering myself? I can spend 10-20 hrs a week on this endeavor. Going to college doesn't seem like a good idea due to my work schedule and because I already have an advanced degree and don't see the appeal. [more inside]
My friend has heard that people marry those who are similar to themselves (in looks, age, social class, education etc). He worries this will rule out all the "good" women. Help me advise him how marriages really work. [more inside]
Do Mastermind groups work? How do I find local mastermind groups? [more inside]
I am lost, I am interested in being a positive influence to other people by making them laugh or helping them out with life problems. Need some suggestions. [more inside]
The mathematician Stephen Wolfram posted about his efforts at quantifying his activity over the past couple of decades. Of particular interest to me is his reference to having logged the keystrokes he's entered on his computer. Any idea how I could do that as well? [more inside]
What are the best workbooks you would advise someone to use ? [more inside]
What is the best way for my teenage son to distribute a self-published book on skateboarding tricks? [more inside]