Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with SM

Intelligent media for the diry-minded

Anonymous — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 12:30:32 -0800

Erotic films and literature of the BDSM variety? Particular preferences inside. I have read this question, but I'm looking for slightly different types of films. Also, literature.

I'm interested in dominance and submission, some sadism and masochism, bondage, and intense psychological relationships. Foreign language films are good (as long as there are subtitles), and I'm not interested in plain porn. I'd like to hear about artistic films with interesting camera angles, good acting and plotting, and yes, sex too. I'm particularly interested in sexual awakening films. One movie I recently watched and enjoyed was Secret Things. (Choses Secretes)

I'd like to read some books with the same stipulations: They must be well-written and full-bodied, exploring the topics listed above. I enjoyed The Story of O, but am not necessarily looking for books that reduce everything to a master/slave dynamic.

Bonus points for info on how to purchase/view your recommendations. (Available on Netflix, or Amazon, or to purchase from a particular website you like, etc. With reference to books, particular editions such as those published by Grove Press are also welcome.)

How do I find my match?

Anonymous — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 07:31:44 -0800

I'm a straight guy and I have several kinks which drive me wild in bed. I'd like to date a straight girl who has similar kinks which drive her wild in bed. But I don't want to get into fetish lifestyles or anything extreme (unfortunately kink owners tend to get polarized into one big group of "alternative people" who dress in rubber and go to subterranean bondage clubs every week) - I just want a regularish relationship with some special orders in the bedroom. How do I do this? I can't find out during dating - hey what's your favorite movie, author, sexual deviation? I don't want to wait until I end up in the bedroom to find out that they're into R&B and I'm into Death Metal, so to speak. And I know I could join a club - let's say an S&M club - but I did that once (well, I went to the orientation meeting) but I got the impression that it was more of a place for couples to do their thing in front of other people (and that ain't my thing). The members were also of a significantly different age group and it just didn't seem a viable place to meet a potential partner. Finally, yes I know there's a bunch of sites online relating to kinks, but... are attractive girls in the personals of BDSM sites for real? I'm guessing not so much. Also, a lot of personals on BDSM sites come over as a bit extreme - there are people looking for Masters, Mistresses, 24/7 BDSM lifestyles etc - and I'm not looking for that. I don't want to dress in black and own custom equipment and essentially take it all too seriously (not that there's anything wrong with that!) - I just want a regular go for hikes/ dinner/ vacation together relationship with some particular flavors thrown in in the bedroom.

SM question?? (very personal)

Anonymous — Sun, 16 Dec 2007 07:41:54 -0800

SM question?? (very personal) I am trying to understand something. This guy I dated was into SM, but said it "wasn't that important" to him. I expressed interest but when we first tried it I thought it was really scary. He was very forceful and teased me about ignoring my safe words. He also tried to do stuff that I had told him not to do when I was in a vulnerable position.

This episode really scared me. However, I liked the guy a lot so I told him that he needed to respect my limits and we needed to take things slow.

Ever since then things were "different" and he pulled away from me sexually. He since broke up with me and said his feelings changed around that time but didn't explain why, just that he felt more like a friend to me.

I don't know much about SM...was his behavior normal for SM? I thought safe words were "sacred," and not to be joked about. Was I wrong to feel scared and like my limits weren't respected? What do you think happened from his perspective? Why would this change his feelings towards me?

Help me choose an XM Radio receiver

jdroth — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 07:46:47 -0800

I've tried to resist, but I can't any longer — I want to subscribe to satellite radio. XM has at least two stations that I'll listen to almost constantly (channels 4 and 44, though 28 and 81 sound appealing, too). After hearing the web-based "free trial", I'm ready to sign up but I don't know anything about receivers. I'll mostly be listening at home. I don't have a stereo setup, but I do have lots of Macs (including Airport Express). I'd like to be able to listen in my car, too. Which receiver options are best? I know that XM and Sirius are merging — is this any reason to wait to purchase equipment? (I found XM Fan from a previous AskMe question and will check that out. But I know and trust Mefites better than strangers at a fan board.)

Do it again

mwhybark — Fri, 03 Nov 2006 11:16:59 -0800

In the Velvet Underground song 'Foggy Notion,' the narrator notes, "Got my calamine lotion." Among other things, the narrative concerns a shooting, S&M and heroin. Why does the narrator carry anti-itch medication?

But baby - I've lost my mojo!

Anonymous — Sun, 31 Jul 2005 20:47:24 -0800

MojoFilter: Help - I've lost my mojo! How do I get it back? To cut a long story short, about 5 years ago I had this incredibly intense BDSM relationship which rather blew my mind. I foolishly thought I could recreate the relationship with my next GF, but even though she was pretty open minded, she didn't quite "get" it, so the BDSM fell away, and with it my sex drive, and finally the relationship. For my next GF, this time I'd come to terms with the idea that I'd never get anything close to what I had in the BDSM relationship, but again, my sex drive just diminished (which is also a real problem as it makes your lover very insecure) and again with it the relationship.

And since then, I've pretty much had no sex drive at all - so how do I get my mojo back? I live in LA, I have been to a Threshold Society orientation meeting, but I didn't join because my thing is not group displays of my sexuality - it's very very private to me.

And please, I will break down and cry if anyone writes that I shouldn't need subversive sexual practices to show how much I love someone - as Elvis said; never judge a man until you've walked in his shoes.