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Do I stay in school, or stay at home (dad)?

beelerspace — Fri, 20 Oct 2006 00:59:02 -0800

I am in the first semester of a phd in history at a respected state school, with an M.A. under my belt. My wife and I just had our first baby in May, a beautiful daughter with a smile anyone in their right mind would die for. As my wife has a decent job that pays very well, I'm the stay-at-home-dad, but I'm finding it increasingly difficult to juggle parenting with graduate school. I can take a part time job with a record labe where I set my own hours and work from home; the perfect job for a SAHD (stay-at-home-dad). Do I throw away all the hard work to get into this phd program and the (potential) future career of a professorship, or do I sweat this out and stick with the phd program while fathering? If I stay in school, I have babysitting twice a week from my mom. But I think it's important to also mention that I have an hour-long commute to the university. Right now, I'm working a research job that allows me to work from home but that will change next year when I will probably have to take a teaching assistantship or editorship, which means being at the university more often. The commute also means that it is exponentially harder to plug into a community, particularly when every little event requires procuring a babysitter.

We want to have at least two more kids. That means at 6-10 more years of SAHDing. It is not financially viable for my wife to kid and be the stay-at-home-dad.

I've loved being home with our daughter, watching her change, seeing her smiles. But I also love the university community, and learning, teaching, and writing history. I feel sad when I think that I will not be a professor. I think I'd be good at it, but I think I'd also be a great (if flawed) SAHD.

What am I giving up if I leave phd school now? I'm sure there are plenty of academics who have raised kids while going through a phd program, but just how did they do it? Is it possible to return to a phd program 6-10 years later? Does raising children get easier, or more manageable? What is more fun? What is more important?

I don't really have to stay at home all the time, right?

Brando_T. — Wed, 23 Aug 2006 06:28:18 -0800

Considering becoming a Stay at Home Dad. Experiences? Our situation: DD is 3-1/2, DS is 1-1/2. DD starts Junior Kindergarten in the fall, and I did a visit with her yesterday to her new daycare, attached, and came away depressed with the quality of the daycare. Both children have been in a superior daycare, and her new daycare will be simply mediocre.

I'm tired of having other people raise my children, and I'm considering leaving my meaningless IT job to stay at home.

Financially, my wife is lucky enough to have a job that she loves, and we can exist on one salary once daycare costs are taken out of the picture.

Questions:

Any Dads here done this? How did you adjust? What were people's reactions when you told them you were leaving a perfectly fine job to be a housedad?

My concern is maintaining the level of care, the level of enrichment that DS is getting at the superior daycare, and ensuring he remains socialized until he starts JK. Could anyone suggest resources, books, for daily activities?

Other Resources, either to help me make this decision, or afterwards?

This is in Ontario, by the way.

How to meet other Stay at Home Dads in Salem, OR?

smithmac_99 — Mon, 12 Dec 2005 23:16:59 -0800

My family (consisting of myself, my wife, and my 10-month old daughter) recently moved to Salem, OR. For financial and parenting reasons, my wife works and I am a stay-at-home-dad (SAHD). I need more adult contact during the day! We've recently been attending parent/infant swimming classes at the local YMCA, but I'd really like to meet other SAHDs in the Salem area. I've searched online, but haven't come up with much. Any suggestions?

Mr. Mom Needs A New Pair Of Shoes!

mds35 — Mon, 29 Aug 2005 12:30:44 -0800

How can a stay-at-home dad make a bit of cash on the side? For a number of reasons, my staying at home to care for our new baby boy is looking like it is our best option for childcare, but it will make things very tight, money-wise. I'd like to find some way of generating a small amount of income ($300+ per week) while I'm at home. I'll only have a few free hours during the normal business week, so I'm interested in exploring things I can do evenings and weekends, from home. Do any MeFite stay-at-home-fathers have any tips or personal anecdotes they'd care to share?