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2815 posts tagged with Relationships.
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Trust vs. Control

I posted a pervious question regarding dating a man who wasn't forthcoming about a detail in his life (a 2nd child with a different woman) and my creeping suspicions that learning about him hiding this child was an indication of a future of lies and trust issues. I have let this man go, not because of the child, but because I am unable to trust him for many other reasons and now I want to learn a healthy balance between Trust and Control in relationships and dealing with insecurities. How do you move past insecurities and know when to just trust someone and recognize if your insecurities are causing you to control and sabatoge. [more inside]
posted by BrandNewMe on Oct 9, 2013 - 8 answers

Making the very 1st move on online dating sites please help!

I'm looking for insight into what is a reasonably good first message to send someone on an online dating site. I've been online for a few months and still feel lost. Successful online daters please enlighten me as to how you do it! Snowflakes inside... [more inside]
posted by outdoorslady on Oct 8, 2013 - 17 answers

How to support a spouse when you don't agree on their plans?

My spouse wants to quit their current job. I want to be supportive, but I find it difficult when I don't understand or agree with the decision to walk away. [more inside]
posted by jade east on Oct 8, 2013 - 32 answers

Self-help books that will help me make peace with being single?

I'm tired of feeling bitter about being single. Are there any self-help books that will help me get over this? [more inside]
posted by tumbleweedjack on Oct 7, 2013 - 11 answers

Was I sexually violated?

Was I sexually violated? I keep obsessing about this, I don't know if the other parties care or have declared me a pariah [more inside]
posted by Jewel98 on Oct 6, 2013 - 42 answers

How to prevent divorce when travelling the world with one's spouse?

My husband and I are about to embark on an extended period of travel together. It has been our dream for many years to do this, and now the time has arrived: we've quit our jobs, rented our house, and we leave the country on a one-way ticket to warm climes in about 2 weeks. We're going to be together A LOT for the next several months. What can we do to prevent strangling one another (figuratively speaking, of course) or causing a huge crisis in our marriage with so much (too much?) togetherness? [more inside]
posted by Halo in reverse on Oct 4, 2013 - 35 answers

Is this a normal thing when friends get a girlfriend?

I have a guy friend i've known since 1st grade (we're both 26), we went to school together all the way through high school. We had a kind of mutual unspoken, understanding/agreement over the years that we were friends, but we just didn't see each other often around school after a certain grade to be really good friends. Last year, we started talking a lot more on a pretty regular basis (about every day/night). [more inside]
posted by earthquakeglue on Oct 3, 2013 - 20 answers

Cutting off abusive parents AFTER they have tried to make amends?

My parents were abusive for over a decade of my life, profoundly and in many ways permanently impacting my physical health and emotional and social well-being. Since that time, they have apologized, but I am still incredibly angry and hurt by the choices they made. Could cutting off contact help me move on? Mefites who have been in similar situations, please share your experiences and suggestions for healing. More details below. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 30, 2013 - 46 answers

my boyfriend's ex accused him of abuse; how to proceed?

In a recent conversation with my boyfriend of four months, it came up that in the divorce papers his ex-wife had served him with, she had accused him of abuse. [Specifically spitting, pushing, and kicking, as well as emotional abuse.] He denies all of it, and says that instead SHE abused HIM, both physically attacking him and subjecting him to emotional abuse. I knew that their relationship had been acrimonious--but this seems like something else entirely. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 30, 2013 - 34 answers

What is the ideal age gap in heterosexual relationships?

A growing body of scientific research suggests that the ideal age gap between a man and a woman is fifteen years, provided that the latter is younger so as to mitigate the effect of the midlife crisis. Yet, conventional wisdom posits that the half-your-age-plus-seven rule and that the three to six years rule are equally valid. What do you think? [more inside]
posted by lotusmish on Sep 27, 2013 - 55 answers

Canonical mistakes for people whose first relationship is in their 20s?

I strongly believe that every human endeavor has a few canonical newbie mistakes. In machine shops it's ignoring the kerf. In many dances it's excessive flourishing. When you first started dating in your twenties, what mistakes did you make? Now that you have had some experience with (preferably stable, happy) relationships, what advice would you like to go back and give yourself? I would much rather learn from your mistakes than make them all myself. [more inside]
posted by d. z. wang on Sep 26, 2013 - 59 answers

Seeing an old ex stirred up more feelings than expected

So more than 4 years after the breakup and we only dated 6 months. But I see her car in the parking lot at the grocery store I go to. I've never seen her there before. I keep looking and see that it's definitely her in the car. We didn't talk. I don't think she saw me. I was leaving as she was pulling in. But my heart definitely raced and all sorts of emotions came flooding back. I was disappointed that it affected me as much as it did. Does this need fixing? How would I fix this? [more inside]
posted by yeahyeahyeah on Sep 26, 2013 - 7 answers

Boundaries: I need them.

How do I set up the right boundaries regarding intimacy when dating new people. Difficulty level: history of abuse, disassociation and social anxiety! (nsfw) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 26, 2013 - 9 answers

What to do about suspicion for a cheating fiancé?

Engaged to be married quite soon. Lots of money already out of pocket, personally and across many other people. Recently confronted with evidence of what, at a minimum, seems to be an inappropriate emotional relationship between SO and another person. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 26, 2013 - 37 answers

Managing a crush that needs to stay a crush

Are you the anxious type who often escapes into the excitement/newness of crushes and find yourself taking things too far? How do you calm yourself and keep yourself from going overboard? What strategies can I use to make sure I keep cool and normal about this? [more inside]
posted by Laura Macbeth on Sep 25, 2013 - 14 answers

Dating men with children

Dating someone for 8 months, knew he had a 16 year old (he's 35) from a previous marriage. Just found out he has a 5 year old from a different woman. He didn't come out and tell me about second child, and that is what is making me feel indifferent. Should I be okay with this? [more inside]
posted by BrandNewMe on Sep 25, 2013 - 31 answers

By the way, I have a new boyfriend

Ex is now a neighbor and attempting to establish civility...how to let him know I'm happily in a new relationship? [more inside]
posted by Valkyrie21 on Sep 23, 2013 - 23 answers

How do I approach my needs with a guy without seeming to nag?

How do I discuss my needs with a guy that I care about without nagging? [more inside]
posted by Lillypad331 on Sep 23, 2013 - 20 answers

What's a good town for a single man in his late 30s...

What's a non-US city that might be especially good for a 38-year old divorced straight male looking to meet a woman and settle down? Much more specific details inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 22, 2013 - 37 answers

How can I help my girlfriend with two dogs we just got after breakup?

I'm about to break up with my girlfriend of two years who I live with. We've had intermittent fights of me not being happy where it was going. The latest one happened just last week, the day before we picked up two dogs. She's going to keep the dogs (hard decision for me) if we break up, but what can I do to help? I feeling like I'm abandoning her with kids we just had. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 18, 2013 - 18 answers

(NSFW) Easy sex positions for my wife and I

My wife can't spread her legs do to her disability. I can just about get my head between her legs with lots of stretching to eat her out but thats about it. [more inside]
posted by snow_mac on Sep 17, 2013 - 15 answers

Asking someone out after job rejection

So I didn't get the job, sadly, but I'm interested in asking out one of the people who interviewed me (not the hiring manager). I'm female, he's male, we're both in our early 30s. Would that be weird? It's a fairly casual organization, but I may be interested in applying for another job there in the future...
posted by three_red_balloons on Sep 17, 2013 - 28 answers

Should this be a massive red flag, or just a small yellow one?

Asking for a friend: If your significant other gets massively angry but doesn't ever direct it at you, how much of a worry should it be? [more inside]
posted by yasp on Sep 16, 2013 - 77 answers

A careless Facebook friend request has caused some larger problems

Hey guys, help me resolve this awkward situation that started with a Facebook friend request and has now blown up out of proportion. [more inside]
posted by ashkenazy on Sep 16, 2013 - 39 answers

The Couch is Not a Bed, Right?

My significant other (with whom I share an apartment) falls asleep in front of the TV every night and sometimes doesn't make it to bed. I am annoyed. Should I be? [more inside]
posted by amoeba on Sep 12, 2013 - 46 answers

Getting back together and breaking the yo-yo cycle

A while ago, my ex ended what had been a yo-yo relationship (on and off and on and off again) for 1.5 years. Now we are in different states and he wants to reconcile. Can this work? Has anyone done this and gone on to have a happy, healthy relationship? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 12, 2013 - 34 answers

Is this just a special-snowflake-petty relationship concern?

If your partner did something wrong when you first started dating and you didn’t find out until later when you were deep in a happy relationship, what would you do? How much of the past do you let go and how much of the past do you let define the present (e.g., break up)? [more inside]
posted by inevitability on Sep 12, 2013 - 47 answers

Compatibility without conversation

Can you build a successful romantic relationship without conversational "flow"? [more inside]
posted by chausette marionette on Sep 12, 2013 - 20 answers

What can you learn from a bad breakup?

I was recently left by my partner of 4 years.... after I'd made significant life decisions based on the commitments he made to me. Now I feel like I've learned all these cynical life lessons. What should I take away from this? [special snowflake details inside] [more inside]
posted by thelastpolarbear on Sep 12, 2013 - 22 answers

Should I to try to make this relationship work?

Usually, in my past relationships, it's been pretty obvious to me when things have run their course, and I have tended to approach the break-ups as a step forward - which has worked out okay for me up until now, since none of my exes have been super ideal matches for me. Now, though, I find myself feeling more and more dispassionate towards a boyfriend who is really, honestly a super great guy. Help me make a decision? [more inside]
posted by 129SvJ on Sep 11, 2013 - 26 answers

Elusive dreams and schemes: how to deal with artist partner and money?

I am really at a point of not knowing how to proceed. I love my family very much, my kids and my husband. But my husband is slowly driving me crazy. He is an artist -- we met in another country from where we were both born and I moved to his country. That was more than ten years ago -- lots happened: kids, health and family issues, but I started working freelance and now have a strong client list and make pretty okay money. Now I'm making most of the money for the family. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 11, 2013 - 15 answers

How can I fix this? Help me save my relationship.

How do I make this better? Eroded partner’s trust to a dismal point. I’m headed out on a business trip and yes, he’ll be there when I get back, but unless I come up with something spectacular, his continued presence in our relationship will have to do more with our commingled financial interests than any desire to keep things together romantically. What do I do to make this up? the screwup: once again, misleading my love about our plans + schedule + business, with the brunt end falling all on his lap. [more inside]
posted by caveatz on Sep 10, 2013 - 61 answers

Relationship ambivalence- move with SO or go?

I'm trying to understand why I am having such doubt about my 1-year-ish relationship. Whenever I feel like I've made my mind up to stay or go, a week later I feel differently. At this point, I don't trust my own judgement and could really use outside perspectives. He's moving for work soon and, given my doubts, should I move with him? Or just break things off and take a job where I can get one- overseas? [more inside]
posted by dollyllama on Sep 9, 2013 - 26 answers

How to heal with what I've learned?

I’ve been doing some heavy lifting lately involving my mental illness. For the first time in my life I think I’m finally facing the root cause of my problem, rather than the symptoms of depression, low self-esteem, lack of initiative, etc. More details [more inside]
posted by fredmounts on Sep 9, 2013 - 5 answers

How can I get through med school if I dislike group work?

I've just started medical school and the emphasis on group work is overwhelming me. I know that medicine is generally a team-oriented profession. I have certainly worked well in teams before, and found it enjoyable. I am affable and pulling my own weight is never an issue. Still, the fact that I have to work in a group for four hours a day, five days a week, is draining me like no other. I am angsty and tired. Please, fellow introverts and independent workers, especially those who are familiar with medical education -- how might you approach working in a heavily team-oriented environment? Details inside. [more inside]
posted by gemutlichkeit on Sep 8, 2013 - 13 answers

Gifts for the man who has (or could buy) everything?

I need birthday and anniversary gifts for the wonderful man I've been dating for nearly a year. Complicating factors: He is extraordinarily practical, but if he wants something, he has the means to buy it, and usually does. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 7, 2013 - 43 answers

Why do you keep in touch with your ex?

Went through a bad break up a few months ago and have recently been emailing back and forth with my ex. Our conversation is at a point where I can either let it die or keep it up. I've been trying to weigh the pros and cons and honestly can't think of too many pros. I'm just curious about people who do stay in touch with their ex(es). What do you gain from it? [more inside]
posted by aleatorictelevision on Sep 5, 2013 - 42 answers

Shy men, give me some insight

I'm trying to get to know a shy guy. How to proceed? [more inside]
posted by thank you silence on Sep 5, 2013 - 29 answers

Need advice: Is it time for a divorce, or do I ride this out?

Should I seriously be considering a divorce now, or give it more time? And if I do want to initiate a split--how do I do it, since this will totally blindside him? What else should I do to prepare if it comes to that? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 4, 2013 - 27 answers

How to get out of this?

For the last 6 months, I have been involved in and online "thing". I think it's time to cut this off. Most effective way? [more inside]
posted by sabina_r on Sep 3, 2013 - 14 answers

What are things you say casually to curb bad behavior in relationships?

For example an acquaintance has mentioned a mistake I made that is starting to make me feel embarrassed. I wasn't embarrassed until she mentioned it jokingly a few times. Nonetheless I became annoyed and would like to say 'stop it' gently enough so that we can still get to know each other but want to nip this kind of comment in the bud or at least let her know I don't like excessive teasing or sarcasm aimed at me. [more inside]
posted by PeaPod on Sep 3, 2013 - 36 answers

hurting over past relationship now more than when the break up happened

I feel like I'm going backwards with the break up over my past relationship which occured over six months ago. I was fine for months afterwards and, in the past couple of weeks, I've been feeling increasingly guilty over my behaviour toward my depressed ex and it hurts to think about memories together and him in general much more than it used to. Is it normal, could it be because our one year anniversary would have been in a few days? Why is it happening, when I feel like I care more about my current bf than I did him? Am I betraying him? What should I do? [more inside]
posted by opalshards on Sep 3, 2013 - 5 answers

Whoops

I drunkenly fooled around with a married friend and now feel terrible about it. What, if anything, do I do next? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 2, 2013 - 28 answers

You pinkie swore!

Looking for perspective about a breach of trust in my relationship, albeit on a teeny tiny scale. Am I making too much of this, or is a promise a promise? [more inside]
posted by little_dog_laughing on Aug 31, 2013 - 49 answers

He's the one who made things awkward, so why do I feel like a jerk?

A co-worker/friend drunkenly confessed romantic feelings; I reciprocated; now he’s acting cold to me. Do I try to clear the air? Or let it go? [more inside]
posted by gimleteye on Aug 30, 2013 - 21 answers

how can an introvert infiltrate a tight-knit group of super-socializers?

my SO of about a year has a very large family that is heavily into socializing, and i'm an introvert. can we peacefully coexist? [more inside]
posted by humiliated_grape on Aug 28, 2013 - 20 answers

Someone I love has intense insecurity issues - how can I help them?

I ended my LTR a few weeks ago, but can't shake the feeling that I'm abandoning someone in their hour of need, so to speak. My ex was a delightful person, but suffered from the most bizarre and extreme inferiority complex I have ever witnessed. (It was so bad at times that he would sometimes escape from parties by exiting through a window in a back room somewhere.) It got to the point where his behavior was starting to wear me down, and things unraveled from there, but it tears me up to think that he'll no longer have someone to help him stave off his self-loathing tendencies. [more inside]
posted by Teradactyl on Aug 27, 2013 - 29 answers

Is it okay to stop maintaining contact with a longtime 'friend'?

I have a 'friend' with whom I am not interested in maintaining a friendship any longer. She seems to feel otherwise and is being a bit persistent. I keep ignoring her emails and phone calls, but still, every few months or so, there she is. I really don't want to have to tell her that I don't want to be her friend anymore. What can I do? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 26, 2013 - 37 answers

How upset should I be about my boyfriend's temper?

I've been dating my boyfriend for 5 months. I'm 25, female, he's 36. He's been the best boyfriend I've ever had. Dedicated. Loving. Caring. Kind. He's funny, super smart, handsome, great in bed...I've never been in a relationship this good. Since we started dating, I've seen him get angry a few times. Usually he calms down relatively quickly, apologizes, we talk, and everything is fine. He's mentioned he has a temper and can get very angry, but I had never really seen that side of him. [more inside]
posted by gcolmes@gmail.com on Aug 26, 2013 - 140 answers

Should I stay... Or really, how should I go?

How do I navigate a breakup with this woman who I respect and love, in a way that might encourage her to get better and find some happiness? Or should I even break up with her, given the potential good things that might come along if she did process through some of her stuff? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 25, 2013 - 32 answers

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