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My weird thoughts: are they realistic or naive?

I have some weird thoughts re: relationships that are not good, but there are reasons for them. Should/ How do I change how I think? (Therapy is being arranged, and I want more POVs.) [more inside]
posted by ichomp on Jul 12, 2013 - 13 answers

How can I get him to leave?

I am a woman in my early 30s and have had a few dates with a guy. We have not been to each other's homes yet. That is going to change tomorrow night though. I invited him over to my house and he enthusiastically accepted. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 12, 2013 - 28 answers

Relationship!: The Game (Probably WON'T Supplant Hungry Hungry Hippos)

What activities/questions/elements would YOU include in a [card and/or board] game meant to serve as part of the "maintenance work" of a romantic relationship? [more inside]
posted by julthumbscrew on Jul 12, 2013 - 11 answers

I need to be nice whilst telling the world to sod off

I have occasional depressive, anxiety, self-loathing filled episodes. I know them well enough now to know that I can ride them out. When they happen, I need to shut the world out. I can be on transmit - telling people what's happening but that I'm aware of it and in control - but I can't cope with inputs, and I usually need to sleep a lot. My current girlfriend says she can deal with anything except me "cutting her off". How do I walk this line? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 12, 2013 - 44 answers

Seeing a way out of this affair.

I am involved in a messy, emotionally exhausting affair that feels like it's getting to a fork in the road. Can you help with a roadmap? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 11, 2013 - 45 answers

When do I pop the statement "I'm in an open relatioinship?"

When do I let someone I'm out with casually (not yet romantically) know that I'm currently in a very committed yet also an open relationship? (Both of us were previously married, have been together 5 years, and realize that monogamy and commitment are not necessarily mutually exclusive for us). I've been out with women who, I think, were interested in me and in whom I might have been interested. I worry if I say something too soon, I might be being presumptuous, but if I don't say anything until much later, they might feel lead on. So I've just ended up saying nothing and things stayed casual and "friendly." The one time I told one woman I was in an open relationship - and this after only a second lunch out - she literally fled the restaurant! Since, I've become a little gun shy.
posted by StraycatA2 on Jul 9, 2013 - 48 answers

Dealing with The Ex (who isn't mine).

Before meeting me, my boyfriend was involved in an intense LDR which ended in a dramatic and painful breakup. His ex will be visiting our city for work next week. I've just found out through the grapevine that she will also be attending a show that we have had tickets to -- and been looking forward to -- for a long time. Do I tell my boyfriend and potentially put him off from going to the show? Do I keep quiet and hope we don't run into her? HALP. [more inside]
posted by fight or flight on Jul 9, 2013 - 23 answers

I feel lonely

I've moved to Tokyo a couple of months ago for grad school and while I love it, I was suddenly overcome by a wave of severe loneliness and homesickness last week, and it won't go away. Also, when I came here, I finally found a boyfriend (I was single for the first 24 years of my life), but lately, he just makes me feel lonelier than I already am... [more inside]
posted by LoonyLovegood on Jul 8, 2013 - 31 answers

Never mind, I'll find someone like you

Why is it that when things end not well, whether it between friends, or lovers, or employers and employees, people often say "I wish him/her the best"? I'm not sure I understand the sentiment- I certainly don't wish them the best. I mean, I'm not going to put a curse on you or go out of my way to exact revenge, but what happens to you is no longer my concern and I could care less if you're happy, or if things go the best for you. Is it just a matter of being the bigger person? Is it just some rhetoric so that you can tell yourself you're a good person? Or do they genuinely wish them the best even after things have turned extremely ugly between them, and if so, why?
posted by Enchanting Grasshopper on Jul 3, 2013 - 44 answers

Talking about previous relationships?

I'm curious about how people talk about their previous relationships when they're with their current partner. How do you gauge what's right to say and what is not? [more inside]
posted by turgai on Jul 1, 2013 - 32 answers

so, like, what do couples, like, do? what happens now?

I've never before been in a healthy relationship, especially not one that lasted more than about six months, and I don't really have a framework for how things go from here on out. I also tend to drift away from most friendships after about a year, so that doesn't provide much guidance. Snowflake fun inside! [more inside]
posted by windykites on Jun 30, 2013 - 25 answers

My boyfriend spent the day with his female friend, how should I feel?

My boyfriend of 5 months has a great old female friend who he never had any romantic relationship with. We hang out a lot together with her and she is great, but they also spend some time together alone as well (such as occasional dinners and drinks when I am working or in school). My BF rides a motorcycle and loves going out of town during the weekends for the day, I usually sits behind him on the bike. Today I was working and he took his female friend out of town on his bike for the whole day. They went hiking, lunch, swim in an isolated lake, and visited a nice town on a lake. I know they don’t have any romantic thing going on, but this whole thing bothered me a lot. How should I feel about it? I feel like no other girl would be happy about that, nor he would be happy if I did the same thing with a guy friend. I feel so frustrated by this.
posted by TKL0125 on Jun 30, 2013 - 55 answers

Friend just gave birth. Leaving her husband. What does she need to know?

Not the happiest circumstances to bring a new child into this world. After years of supporting her husband, financially and emotionally, she's reached her limit. He's dealing with some addiction issues, and has become increasingly hostile with the birth of this baby. Maybe they'll work this out one day, but right now she doesn't feel safe, has filled her car with personal belongings and is staying with family. She left him a lengthy note, but does not want to talk to him in the next few days. This has been a long time coming, and while I don't imagine it will be a surprise—his family has actually encouraged her to do this—he won't react well. What sort of legal precautions should she begin taking? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 29, 2013 - 19 answers

Falling in love is the easy part.

I'm looking for movies about relationships that aren't about falling in love. [more inside]
posted by ruby.aftermath on Jun 26, 2013 - 30 answers

This could be a sitcom plot...if it was actually funny.

One of three mutual friends of mine (who are all roommates) has been behaving very strangely and it is making things awkward. Should I address this or hope it goes away on its own? [more inside]
posted by bolognius maximus on Jun 23, 2013 - 19 answers

How to appreciate my boyfriend

I'm having a bit of difficulty figuring out what I can do to appreciate and care for my new boyfriend. What are some things you do to make your significant other feel good? [more inside]
posted by sockermom on Jun 20, 2013 - 33 answers

Seize the day... in the suckiest sense.

AskingForAFriend filter (at his suggestion): I had the "perfect" chance to break up, and I blew it. What now, metafilter? [more inside]
posted by six sided sock on Jun 18, 2013 - 17 answers

Want to enjoy sex but am turned off by myself

I don't have a low sex drive, but I rarely want to have sex. Or rather, I WANT to have sex but I don't want to be me while I'm doing it. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 18, 2013 - 22 answers

Caught between my boss and my staff - how do I respond skillfully?

I need help in figuring out how to respond to a work situation between my boss and my staff. I am the second in command in our office, and manage all of the administrative staff. The administrative staff support all of the professional staff. (Think something like a law firm, or university department, where professional staff rely on and share administrative support). My boss is driving my administrative staff crazy. [more inside]
posted by It's a Parasox on Jun 17, 2013 - 28 answers

It's too late to try communication

I didn't communicate with my SO before hand, and now I'm self destructing. What are my options? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 16, 2013 - 14 answers

My boyfriend is really tight with money. How do I navigate this?

My partner is a tight-arse, and I hate it. Can you please help me negotiate this? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 16, 2013 - 56 answers

Are trespassing charges worth the hassle?

Help us decide if girlfriend and I should press trespassing charges against girlfriend's father, and how to do it. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 13, 2013 - 9 answers

Should I be less affectionate with my wife?

My wife and I have been together for many, many years, and have a very happy relationship. Best friends first, then lovers, then parents, now very happily married couple of almost three decades. The problem is, I think I might be too affectionate with her, and I'm looking for perspective on whether or not I should dial it back, and if so, how to go about doing it without fundamentally changing who I am. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 13, 2013 - 42 answers

Why do I always end up in the 'Friend Zone'?

This happens to me far too often when I've dated men, I hear the 'I like you as a friend' after a handful of dates far too often. Is there something I could be doing wrong? [more inside]
posted by bluehermit on Jun 11, 2013 - 33 answers

Current boyfriend has lots of female friends...and I'm bothered...

Have you ever dated someone with several friends of the opposite sex? What about someone who is friends with many of their exes and still keeps up regular contact with them? He's given me no reason not to trust him, but I'm still hung up on this. Is it just a matter of me working on my insecurity? Or should he be changing his behavior? More details inside... [more inside]
posted by singinginmychains on Jun 11, 2013 - 57 answers

Can you explain Swedish relationship /sex culture to an American?

As an American woman, I understand we have different expectations regarding sex and dating/new relationships than what generally happens in Sweden. My experiences with Swedish men have been a bit confusing, and I wonder if that may be part of a cultural communication disconnect. [more inside]
posted by zettoo on Jun 11, 2013 - 8 answers

Is it acceptable to date multiple people at a time?

I'm in my late twenties, straight and male and I've been having a persistent problem in relationships: I like dating, and I don't like being exclusive after a month or two of dating. I also don't like spending 4-5 days a week with someone after that amount of time. What can I do and how can I set expectations while emphasizing I'm not trying to have casual sex with a lot of people? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 10, 2013 - 20 answers

I am afraid of commitment. Should I get married?

I’ve been dating my girlfriend for two and a half years. She is 28, I am 42. She really wants to get married and have kids. Part of me likes that idea a lot, but another side of me has extreme anxiety around the idea of commitment. I have struggled with anxiety since my early 20s and have undergone a lot of therapy, and while I understand what the anxiety is and where it comes from, no one has been able to “cure” me of it to the point where suddenly the things I’m anxious about don’t bother me any more. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 10, 2013 - 23 answers

Playlist About "The One"

I need music recommendations for two separate, but related, categories: 1. That giddy feeling at the beginning of a new, good relationship and you think you want to be with this person for a while 2. When you're pretty sure you're going to marry this person, or be with them forever [more inside]
posted by kingfishers catch fire on Jun 7, 2013 - 30 answers

Where to go next in personal finance journey?

How to balance saving, paying off debt, improving living situation, having a baby, getting spouse more involved in finances, better managing retirement accounts, and a partridge in a pear tree. [more inside]
posted by wannabecounselor on Jun 4, 2013 - 14 answers

Songs for the dumper?

While coping with his decision to end a long-term relationship (and being vilified by his family and friends as a result), a friend of mine recently commented that "People only write songs about the guy being dumped. Nobody sings about the other guy." Intuitively, this feels untrue to me, but I'm having a surprisingly tough time coming up with counter-examples. Metafilter: Can you recommend some songs written for/about being the person who initiates the end of a relationship? [more inside]
posted by schmod on Jun 3, 2013 - 128 answers

Did I just break up with myself?

I recently had a very confusing break-up conversation that I am having a lot of trouble decoding. [more inside]
posted by karminai on Jun 2, 2013 - 21 answers

Dating exclusively; not a relationship, but acting like one.

Hasn't been a long time. Not sure how to handle the situation. [more inside]
posted by shotinthedark on Jun 2, 2013 - 15 answers

Here we go again...?

My long-term partner and I had relationship problems, spent some time apart, and are in the process of getting our lives back into one home. Now that I've moved my stuff back in, problems that I thought we'd dealt with are happening again. Is it time to go back to therapy or is there something else I can be doing? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 2, 2013 - 44 answers

My dad would like to meet you but I told him you were away

BF of 3-4 months has dad visiting from way out of town, told me that he had lied to his dad about me not being around so we wouldn't meet each other. [more inside]
posted by 01080591 on May 31, 2013 - 29 answers

How long should a first date be?

I know this question can have really varying answers, but I'm wondering if I should be doing something to curtail the length of first dates (and I guess second and third, just the early few) slightly. Right now I'm finding they run about three hours and I'm wondering if I should be keeping them shorter and lighter. [more inside]
posted by zutalors! on May 30, 2013 - 20 answers

How awful are these comments from my new boyfriend?

How would you feel if your boyfriend told you he wouldn't have dated someone like you when he was younger? [more inside]
posted by waving on May 29, 2013 - 78 answers

Defying physics in interpersonal relationships

There are anecdotes, usually of identical twins, who manage to "communicate" even when separated by distance and/or time. One twin just "knows" that something has happened to the other twin. I don't have a twin, but I once had this kind of connection with my then boyfriend. [more inside]
posted by booksandwine on May 29, 2013 - 40 answers

Dealing with distance when I want constant contact and he doesn't

I've been in a relationship with a guy for 6 months. When one of us is traveling, I prefer to send lots of text messages and emails throughout the day, and I want to get messages back. He dislikes written communication and would prefer to have rare, brief phone calls and just wait until we see each other in-person again. What can I do, which won't result in frustration for one of us? [more inside]
posted by cheesecake on May 28, 2013 - 28 answers

What to do when the sickener hits?

How does one handle sudden epiphanies about relationships, the kind of ones that happen when waking one morning and completely reverse your feelings from the night before? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 27, 2013 - 24 answers

How can I talk with my friend about his dating life given our history?

I have a very good friend who I spend time with on a regular basis. In recent history (and maybe probably for the foreseeable future) he has been depressed about his dating life, so naturally, it is a subject that comes up and I discuss it with him. However, given our past history together, it's been a really hard subject for me to discuss with him and I would like some help navigating this from the hivemind. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 26, 2013 - 11 answers

Getting Over A Craptastic Relationship

So, I was together with someone for 16 months and things were 'okay' for most of that time. We moved in together and things rapidly unraveled as I came to some sharp realizations about the way things were going and asserted my needs--she immediately got squirrelly, the relationship ended soon after. I feel like a heartbroken idiot and don't know how to move beyond my pain. The entire saga is inside. [more inside]
posted by yonega on May 25, 2013 - 30 answers

Approaching mid 30s single; telling people to mind their own business?

I am a female and have never been married and live with my cat. After a disastrous relationship where I "attempted" to settle 2 years ago, I have been single. Every time I talk to relatives and "well meaning" friends they keep teasing me that I am a "cat lady" and reminding me of my biological clock. [more inside]
posted by sabina_r on May 25, 2013 - 59 answers

Moving in with my girlfriend, what should I know?

I am moving in with my girlfriend this weekend and would like to know what to expect. What are some things I should keep in mind to help everything go as smoothly as it can? [more inside]
posted by *lostatsea* on May 24, 2013 - 47 answers

How do I keep one (little) footbridge unburned in a breakup?

I am trying to write a short breakup email to someone I need to go "no contact" with for a while... while still leaving a relatively positive line of communication open between us, longer-term. How do I do this? [more inside]
posted by argonauta on May 24, 2013 - 14 answers

Engagement didn't work out - but she's still on the mortgage

So I got engaged and bought a house with my fiancee. We lived together for a couple of years but it did not go well and she moved out. So I'd like to keep the house but do that I'll need to get her off the mortgage and off the deed. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 22, 2013 - 23 answers

How to not get upset if my partner sees my friends' news before me?

A few times, my partner has seen news (on Facebook mostly) from friends such as my siblings and their partners, before I have. I get very upset when this happens. Is this irrational? Is there any good way to cope with it? [more inside]
posted by skippy_gal on May 21, 2013 - 31 answers

Am I being realistic?

I'm getting ready to have a possible "final conversation" about financial responsibility with my boyfriend. I just want to check in to see that I'm being realistic with today's economy. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 21, 2013 - 33 answers

Who originally thought of this dating-related experiment?

Write the numbers 1 to 20 on a set of cards, one per card but two cards of each number, put them on the foreheads of a group of twenty men and twenty women, and give them a couple minutes to try to pair up with the person of the opposite sex with the highest-ranked card: they will always end up with someone close to their own rank. Who originally thought of this? [more inside]
posted by renovatio1 on May 20, 2013 - 7 answers

How old were you when you first genuinely fell in love with someone...

How old were you when you first genuinely fell in love with someone that resulted in a relatively lasting, satisfying relationship? [more inside]
posted by WhitenoisE on May 19, 2013 - 28 answers

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