2972 posts tagged with Relationships.
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How to love a fearful-avoidant partner

I've seen these questions about how to change a fearful-avoidant attachment style, but I can't find any information on how to help a partner who is fearful-avoidant feel loved and secure. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 1, 2015 - 11 answers

I'm having trouble deciphering my friend's new behavior toward me

I was going through a tough time with some family members, and one day it became too much to handle. I cried in front of this guy I'll call him C, who is the leader of this meetup group I'm in. He's two years older than me. We've been casual friends for a few years, but I've had the biggest secret crush on him. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 31, 2015 - 15 answers

My mom is lonely and alone. Can I offer healthy support with boundaries?

I recently posted my current situation here. I'm still struggling with a longstanding issue: My mom's undiagnosed (notwithstanding a brief stint on anti-depressants 15 years ago following her divorce) possible depression. About once or twice a year I find myself with her while she sobs uncontrollably and talks about how lonely and alone she feels as she ages. These are all valid feelings and fears, but everytime I bring up seeing a counsellor to help her get her life back on track, giver her tools to cope, filter out the negative energy in her life (such as her codependent relationship with her 29 y/o son), she refuses to admit there is a problem. [more inside]
posted by stumblingthroughitall on Mar 31, 2015 - 12 answers

Help for the fearful-avoidant adult.

I seem to be Fearful-avoidant according to attachment theory in adults. Please help me learn more about this way of dealing with people. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 30, 2015 - 8 answers

I might've ruined one of my closest friendships. Should I make amends?

The backstory might shed light, but it's long and I'm sorry if it bores you. I might make a TL;DR sentence, but I suggest you read the whole thing. TL;DR. Befriended girl and crushed, had a lot of issues that turned me off, turned into a very close friend, badly timed telling her about dead feelings, and managed to still communicate until I had to back off for a bit. Don't know what I should do? [more inside]
posted by krs15 on Mar 29, 2015 - 31 answers

Hallmarks of not having "done the work"?

What are the signs of someone who hasn't pursued therapy and healing and isn't ready for a relationship? [more inside]
posted by morganw on Mar 29, 2015 - 30 answers

Should I Forget Him or is There Still Something There?

This guy I met a few months ago has been sending me some very mixed signals for a very long time and I honestly don't know what to make of it. Whenever I'm just about to write him off for ghosting on me, he re-appears and it's like nothing ever happened. Anyone have any advice or tips? [more inside]
posted by lana0112 on Mar 27, 2015 - 47 answers

How do you cope with a long distance relationship?

How do you handle long distance relationships, or rather potential long distance and keep your mind off of things without dwelling on it too much? [more inside]
posted by earthquakeglue on Mar 23, 2015 - 12 answers

Marriage models?

Looking for research on good marriages, not memoirs or personal anecdotes. My therapist asked me the qualities of a good marriage and I hadn't a clue. My immediate family are all unhappily married, and I only recently realised how fearful my own marriage is and left. I basically assume that "If they're not beating you or cheating on you, that's enough." I'm looking for what comes after reading John Gottman: research on thriving marriages, including multicultural or historical. Books, documentaries, films and novels, scholarly keywords etc. I'm not looking for personal accounts but bibliography recommendations.
posted by dorothyisunderwood on Mar 22, 2015 - 15 answers

Politely tell former co-worker I'm not interested in staying friends?

I left a job recently, and there's a former co-worker who keeps contacting me. [more inside]
posted by arbor day on Mar 21, 2015 - 34 answers

Terrible at sensing a man's interest... is he?

I’m having trouble figuring out how a prof in my department feels about me (I'm a graduate student). I’m 100% certain that he cares deeply for me, as I do for him, but what has never been made clear is whether there is or might be anything romantic in it. I know where I’m at, but not being able to read minds (or hearts), I’m having trouble figuring him out. The last few last times I’ve seen him things have gotten especially confusing, and it’s been completely preoccupying me. I've included details below the cut. [more inside]
posted by anoncanuck on Mar 21, 2015 - 67 answers

'Challenging' versus 'changing' someone?

Where do you draw the line in a relationship between challenging your partner in a healthy, positive way, against attempting to change them, making them question themselves in an unhealthy way? [more inside]
posted by NatalieWood on Mar 20, 2015 - 37 answers

Kindly telling someone you're not interested in a closer friendship?

How can you politely tell an acquaintance or casual friend that you don't want to be better friends, when they apparently can't take a hint, and you know you'll continue to see them? [more inside]
posted by aldebaran on Mar 19, 2015 - 48 answers

Should I date my opposite-sex twin or find someone who complements me?

I'm shy, unassertive, and nerdy. Should I date someone just like myself or try to find someone whose strengths are my weaknesses? [more inside]
posted by Guinevere on Mar 14, 2015 - 28 answers

Not twitterstalking, just twitter… observing?

A slightly weird situation has arisen in my relationship with my SO over the people I follow on Twitter. To me it feels controlling; am I overreacting? [more inside]
posted by six sided sock on Mar 14, 2015 - 46 answers

When abuse survivors become abusive…

What does the road to recovery look like for abuse survivors, especially pertaining to their romantic relationships post-abuse? Do they often break free of all abusive relationships, how likely is it to turn into an abuse or be abused dichotomy? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 13, 2015 - 12 answers

How do I help my partner become more responsible?

My loving, intelligent, witty, well-read partner is also really irresponsible. Please help me approach him about it constructively. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 9, 2015 - 26 answers

I'm sorry I offended you. Give me a letter of recommendation please.

How do I ask somebody for a letter of recommendation to grad school that mistakenly believes I blew him off for not helping me before? [more inside]
posted by Che boludo! on Mar 9, 2015 - 12 answers

How can I not be the "default parent" in my relationship?

How can I not be the "default parent" in my relationship? [more inside]
posted by so much modern time on Mar 9, 2015 - 46 answers

Getting divorced. What do I owe the in-laws?

I'm getting divorced after 20+ years of marriage. Once everything is official and done and legal, what is the etiquette in terms of ongoing interaction with my ex in-laws? Is it normal (that is, expected or required) to maintain some kind of relationship afterwards (especially as there are kids involved—teens, though, not toddlers)? Or am I free to no longer have to deal with them, and leave all that to my ex-husband?
posted by anonymous on Mar 8, 2015 - 15 answers

Maybe it's just called "Being a Jerk"

So, I was wondering if there was nice, tight term for this interpersonal communication/relationship dynamic I've seen at work. Details within! [more inside]
posted by It's a Parasox on Mar 7, 2015 - 24 answers

Are these shallow reasons for breaking up with my boyfriend?

Help me decide whether or not to go forward with this relationship. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 6, 2015 - 61 answers

Boyfriend bad juju beanplating

Dating for 6 weeks, "officially" boyfriend and girlfriend, have been spending time together most days. I've excitedly told my friends about him and invited him to a 30th and on a group holiday a few of us were going on. Last weekend he went to a farewell party on the Friday and a birthday on the Saturday without inviting me, but came to my place afterwards (on the Friday he left my house to go to the farewell party, then returned afterwards). I felt disappointed that he seemed less excited to introduce me to his friends than I did him and my gut feeling is not good. Thoughts? [more inside]
posted by lifethatihavenotlivedyet on Mar 5, 2015 - 41 answers

Overcoming an unhealthy crush?

I have a crush on my best friend's boyfriend—and we are all roommates. How can I overcome these feelings when we are in such close proximity? [more inside]
posted by kaisemic on Mar 3, 2015 - 48 answers

How to deal with friend's infidelities

My friend has been involved in a committed, sexually exclusive romantic relationship for over a year. However, he has already had multiple affairs outside of the relationship. His girlfriend does not know. I like and respect her and am sick of seeing this going on behind her back. Seeing my friend lie, cheat, etc. has also damaged my liking and respect for him. I want this stressful situation to end but do not know what I can ethically do. Please advise. [more inside]
posted by NeverGrowSoOldAgain on Mar 2, 2015 - 60 answers

Should I tell someone that her boyfriend cheated on her with me?

I recently broke up a serious, long term relationship with someone I loved, because I fell in love with someone else who I wanted to pursue a relationship with. This other person was also in a long term relationship and claimed that he'd broken up with his girlfriend but needed to date me secretly as she was bipolar and would "break all his things" if she found out, but also showed concern that her finding out would destabilize her mental health. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 26, 2015 - 63 answers

I am feeling stuck in a serious rut. How to reboot?

In my mid-20s, going nowhere, full of shame. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 26, 2015 - 18 answers

Engaged in vicious war with partner's identical twin. Break up now?

I live with my partner and their identical twin. The twin and I want to murder each other. One of us has to move out. My relationship is going well for now, but I can't guarantee it will last, and I don't want to come between them. On the other hand, this conflict is definitely the twin's fault, and my partner and I would not be breaking up this soon otherwise. Who should go: me or the twin? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 22, 2015 - 33 answers

Websites about love and self-worth/knowledge/respect/etc

I really like this website and I was wondering if you can recommend similar ones. [more inside]
posted by divina_y_humilde on Feb 21, 2015 - 5 answers

Grandma, you are my negative role model.

My grandmother has always been a difficult person to love, or even to like. I feel obligated to continue a relationship with her, partly out of a sense of pity for a lonely person approaching the end of life, and partly because it will spare my parents from having to deal with the emotional fallout of the end of our relationship. Is it even possible to have a relationship with a relative based on feelings like these, and if so, how should I go about it? [more inside]
posted by Chuck Barris on Feb 19, 2015 - 28 answers

Do you think this is enough for a Valentine's Day gift?

I am currently in a relationship of 4 months. I have a couple things for my boyfriend for Valentine's Day but I'm not sure if it's enough. Opinions pretty please?? :) [more inside]
posted by anon1129 on Feb 14, 2015 - 13 answers

Is this relationship worth pursuing?

I am 36 years old, female, divorced...about two months ago, I met a guy that is from Egypt and is Muslim. He has been in the U.S. for about 7 years, and is now 32 years old. We have a lot of fun together, but now lately I am questioning if a future is really possible. First of all, I was raised Catholic...I'm not really practicing now, but I don't know if I can raise my children as Muslims (and if I were to marry this guy, it is non-negotiable; the children MUST be raised Muslim). [more inside]
posted by Maggsie97 on Feb 10, 2015 - 32 answers

Love & Money: I have some / they have lots.

I am not even sure how to pose this question – it’s a jumble of feelings I am rather embarrassed about -- and money. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 4, 2015 - 19 answers

Teach me how to date

Is it silly not to date multiple people at a time? [more inside]
posted by Chrysalis on Feb 3, 2015 - 18 answers

Have you learned to really accept your partner? How?

I am with a wonderful man. We love each other and see a future together, and have a good relationship. However, I am a perfectionist about relationships and a depressive (in therapy, on meds, regularly meditating), and sometimes I react absolutely terribly to his imperfections. Yes, I'm working on it in therapy with a great therapist, but please help? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 1, 2015 - 44 answers

Wise or silly risk: Reconnect or let go?

What is the message in this set of mixed messages? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 30, 2015 - 21 answers

Mother is too reliant on me - how do I navigate this now?

My mother is increasingly reliant on me for the fulfilment of her emotional needs. Can I do anything to remedy this? [more inside]
posted by Kat_Dubs on Jan 30, 2015 - 17 answers

Likable to all except single men?

Why is it so easy for me to naturally make friends but never meet guys that ask me out? I always thought that people skills in both scenarios are transferable. The only difference I can think of are looks but I don't think that's my problem. [more inside]
posted by sabina_r on Jan 28, 2015 - 27 answers

Hey, Hive Mind. Could I be dating a narcissist?

I've recently began dating a guy who's coming on pretty strong. While I want to embrace what feels like someone who truly cares after a string of emotionally distant men, I'm feeling like it's too much, too soon, and I'm getting incredibly idealized. Thoughts? [more inside]
posted by shotinthedark on Jan 28, 2015 - 37 answers

Scared of attraction.

29 year old heterosexual male. I believe that I have social anxiety when it comes to talking to women I am attracted to - perhaps more than normal. This has meant very little sex or relationships throughout my life. Practical ideas for dealing with this would be appreciated. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 25, 2015 - 18 answers

Only a loser would settle for me

I can't imagine someone choosing to date me when there are people out there who are so much more successful, competent, fit, daring, worldly, and self-assured. So if someone likes me, I assume they can't do better than me, and that's a turnoff, because I'm not so great, so THEY must not be so great either. How can I get out of this mental trap? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 24, 2015 - 39 answers

my boyfriend likes to text other girls and I don't like that

WALL OF TEXT INSIDE. My boyfriend is perfect and wonderful and amazing except we have some terrible trust and commitment issues. Cycle(s) of emotional cheating and suspicious forgiveness. I don't know if it's too late to fix or even how to proceed in that direction if it's not. Help. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 23, 2015 - 64 answers

Is there an ethical way to have my cake and eat it too?

Hi Metafilter, I hope you can help with a question about ethics, fetishes, and relationships. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 19, 2015 - 46 answers

Why can I not get over my abusive boyfriend?

I broke up with my off/on boyfriend and am having a terrible time not approaching him to take me back, even though he is, um, nuts. Many words within. [more inside]
posted by DeadFlagBlues on Jan 17, 2015 - 47 answers

Dating Spock

I'm head over heels infatuated with a guy who has commitment issues and low emotional IQ. How to proceed without jeopardizing my own needs? [more inside]
posted by squirtle on Jan 16, 2015 - 31 answers

Partner's health problems are really tough on our relationship

Trying to deal with my partner's chronic health problems is tough, especially during times of stress. I already have some doubts about our relationship and this is only making it worse. Narcoleptics & narcoleptic lovers, give me your advice! Commiseration is welcome with your advice too. (More below the cut.) [more inside]
posted by vreify on Jan 13, 2015 - 30 answers

How can i tell if I'm the problem?

I feel like in most of my relationships I haven't been treated the way I want/deserve. I'd like to see whether this is really the case or if the problem is me. [more inside]
posted by ninjablob on Jan 13, 2015 - 29 answers

I drank too much and made my boyfriend "furious."

I don't remember what I did. How can I defuse the situation? [more inside]
posted by pumpkinseed on Jan 10, 2015 - 24 answers

Creative approaches to reconciling?

If my boyfriend and I stay together, how can we improve our relationship without getting mired in the distrust that can come with having almost parted or in the effortful work of changing our interactions? [more inside]
posted by newtonstreet on Jan 9, 2015 - 7 answers

Can I financially divorce my husband?

We own a mid-sized business together. Communication between us has effectively stopped, mainly because of differing business styles. We still talk, but he stopped listening about 10 years ago. It’s gotten to the point where we act independently of each other in both our professional and personal lives. His actions have eroded my respect and trust for him, business-wise. I think the only way to save our 20 year marriage is to split financially, but I don’t know if that is possible. [more inside]
posted by tuckeredout on Jan 8, 2015 - 40 answers

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