I've recently been told that I act boyish by several people and I do not entirely understand what this means nor can anyone who has said this actually explain it well (versus being "a man"). I'm an adult male, and understand that this kind of behavior may be an obstacle to dating women and finding a girlfriend. I tend to joke around a lot (especially with women), but a lot of people joke around, so it's difficult for me to equate joking around with boyishness. I also laugh a lot. One female friend said that I'm like "a little boy" and that she felt comfortable talking to me(otherwise she has almost no other male friends). I have a job, my own place to live, no roommates, a car. All adult, responsible things so I can't see these comments about being boyish related to lacking responsibility. Does anyone have any specific examples of behaviors, ways of interacting, or conversations that they consider to be boyish? Thanks for your help
posted by itshaytime
on Apr 5, 2013 -
37 answers
I dated a girl for 9 years, and we broke up last year. I now have a new girlfriend and we are both very much in love. However, my libido has all but disappeared and we are unable to have sex without great difficulty. I need advice on why this has happened and how I can address it. Thank you.
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posted by lichen
on Apr 3, 2013 -
19 answers
My wife and I separated six months ago. Now, after marriage and individual counselling, it looks like we might be ready to give things another shot. How do we go about re-integrating our lives whilst there are still small alarm bells ringing?
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posted by anonymous
on Apr 1, 2013 -
32 answers
Friend Ay always looks forward to meeting Friend Bee. But Friend Bee changes her plans at the last minute at least 25% of the time. THIS time, however, Friend Ay was leaving to a different city to be with his ill grandfather. It may be a 4 day trip if the grandfather got better, and an unknown length of time had he passed away.
Ay/Bee made a plan to meet up the night before Ay's flight. Bee didn't inform Ay that she was canceling the plan. They did not meet.
Ay was livid. This had happened far too frequently, and the uncertainty of the duration of the trip made it all the worse. Bee profusely apologized; she realized the least she could have done is call and tell him.
Upon Ay's return, he met up with some other friends and saved up some time for Bee to meet him afterward. But Bee had already made
tentative plans with someone else, a coworker she sees every day.
Ay INSISTED that Bee cancel her plans with Cee; they'll see each other again tomorrow at work anyway and can resume their fun on any other night. Bee responded by saying that she can't cancel
fixed plans with someone else, even though that was exactly what she had done to Ay earlier in the week. Bee canceled on Ay, but would not cancel on Cee, even though Ay really wanted to talk.
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posted by smersh
on Apr 1, 2013 -
54 answers
I'm in a great new relationship, yay! It's been about 4 months. I like her. She likes me. But I am a classic anxiously attached type, and I would like your advice on how to cope with the "omg what will I do when she figures out I'm a loser and she dumps me and why didn't she call last night and she seemed annoyed when I said that and omg what if she doesn't like me anymore" feeling.
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posted by anonymous
on Apr 1, 2013 -
11 answers
I recently broke up with my long-term girlfriend because of her refusal to seek treatment for alcohol abuse, and, in my opinion, the maladaptive behavior that causes it. She (now) says that she wants to work on these issues for herself and her future, but I have my reservations (read: she didn't work on any of these issues in our relationship, so I doubt she's going to work on them now). Is it appropriate to send her links that describe these disorders, symptoms and treatment options? I realize that this may result in resentment, utter hatred, and most likely her resorting to the same old tendencies (maybe even worse???), but I do still care for her and want her to be the best person she can be.
posted by mrrisotto
on Apr 1, 2013 -
22 answers
I recently met an amazing, smart woman. On our third date, I made a stupid comment that offended her. I made it worse by trying to cover myself. I really want to salvage this situation and see this woman again.
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posted by anonymous
on Mar 31, 2013 -
55 answers
I met a girl at a bar and I want to know how to avoid chatting with her all week before our first date.
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posted by Atlantic
on Mar 31, 2013 -
25 answers
I'm finally in a safe place for the first time since my early childhood. And I feel like I'm… emotionally detoxing? Please help me understand what's going on.
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posted by blue_and_bronze
on Mar 30, 2013 -
22 answers
My once caring, kind, thoughtful bf of six months has fallen into a deep depressive state a month ago and has ceased most contacts with me three weeks ago- the exception being a phone call for my birthday- without outwardly breaking up with me; should I stay, should I go, should I wait and give him space, or wait and try and contact him myself? Do we have a future together according to you? Any thoughts/input is welcome, thank you very much!
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posted by opalshards
on Mar 27, 2013 -
18 answers
My boyfriend of a little more than a year is a totally. great. guy. With one exception: he thinks that being funny means saying whatever overtly racist, homophobic or sexist joke he can think of as a response to many situations. I always stop and tell him it's not cool, then he says, "what? I'm just kidding." Now, I worry he might actually be pretty sexist. What to do?
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posted by anonymous
on Mar 26, 2013 -
181 answers
I'm experiencing a very tumultuous time in my relationship with my partner of 4 years. I don't know what part of our relationship problems are due to his ADHD, general depression on both our parts or incompatibility. Where can I go from here? What questions can I ask myself and him to get a clearer idea of the origin of our problem?
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posted by anonymous
on Mar 26, 2013 -
4 answers
My main squeeze is moving in! Our finances are starting to be a little more comingled and I'm looking for the best, healthiest way to start having a regular "money check-in" as part of our new life together. He is on board with this. How do we structure the conversation? Is there a sample agenda? Do we make it a date night? Help, please.
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posted by amoeba
on Mar 26, 2013 -
12 answers
My fiance and I have recently parted ways after a near 9 year relationship and it seems as though I've forgotten how to function.
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posted by KnittingBer
on Mar 26, 2013 -
7 answers
So... There are plenty of help-me-with-my-finances questions on MeFi, but this is more of a relationship question...
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posted by anonymous
on Mar 26, 2013 -
37 answers
I can't tell if I’m overreacting/over analyzing because I've been single for so long. Do I just need time to adjust to being a couple? Should I just calm down and stick it out for awhile?
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posted by g33kygal
on Mar 25, 2013 -
28 answers
BreakupFilter: I've been dating a woman for about five months now, and whilst she's lovely I'm starting to think that maybe I've been hit by a limerence bomb... As it starts to fade, is it time for me to walk away?
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posted by anonymous
on Mar 22, 2013 -
17 answers
I never initiate the texts except for a couple of times, but always reply and am nice and friendly. He texts me about anything, and usually sends funny images.
He also hangs out with me randomly, for example yesterday I was giving out food for an event and he came without his friends to be with me. But he has made no moves other than that, as in no touching or complimenting me, but maybe he is not very good at flirting.
I have had bad experiences when telling a guy first that I am interested. I don't like playing games, but I am wondering if I should be more challenging and mysterious? Does it seem like he is interested? He's been texting me for a month now. Thanks!
posted by lovisa91
on Mar 21, 2013 -
38 answers
I've realized that I put my ex-girlfriend on a pedestal. I didn't realize it because I thought it was best to think of someone before yourself, to think of their needs/wants first, to see the good in them, negotiate on the things that don't work but as i read more about this pedestal, I'm certain i do this and getting confused on where/how to draw lines. I'm not sure how to approach this issue in a healthy way. And now that she is on that pedestal...how do i get her off or avoid this with the next girl.
I'm looking for real strategies, interventions and hacks that i can practice. Specific examples are also very helpful (like he said this, I said that). Cds, books, videos that can change my perception also helpful. thanks.
posted by PeaPod
on Mar 19, 2013 -
6 answers
I had few men reject me lately and it has really done a number on my self-esteem. I don't really know how it works for other people, but I can never seem to get even close to who I want.
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posted by sabina_r
on Mar 17, 2013 -
47 answers
My older brother (in his 50s) posted something on FB regarding the Steubenville rape case, which was:
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posted by HopperFan
on Mar 17, 2013 -
52 answers
I like a PhD student at university, who sat next to me a couple months ago in a cafe on campus and started talking to me. He is in an open relationship, so although he is free to be with girls, I told him I don't want to hook up with him. He said he still wants to be friends, but has been texting me everyday since. I enjoy his company, and want to be his friend but I don't know if this amount of communication is wrong for his 'girlfriend', and if he is interested in me.
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posted by lovisa91
on Mar 13, 2013 -
34 answers
Help a gal get some perspective on a relationship that ended as quickly as it began. Things were going very well, I thought we'd spend V'day together, then was disappointed when he was very wishy-washy with plans. It ended up in a huge, unnecessary fight. I'm still having lots of trouble getting past the fallout. Where do I go from here? Wall of text inside.
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posted by couchtater
on Mar 12, 2013 -
25 answers
Most recent relationship did a number on my self-confidence. Help me figure out how to regain what was lost. Details inside.
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posted by anonymous
on Mar 11, 2013 -
17 answers
I have a ten year history of extremely intense borderline co-dependent relationships that consume my life. Two years ago I finally ended the cycle and started working on myself, now I'm trying to have healthy relationships, but it's not working as well as I anticipated.
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posted by anonymous
on Mar 11, 2013 -
11 answers
Been dating a guy for 4 months and I acted needy, is there anyway I can resolve this. I don't want to lose him but fear it may be a little late now!
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posted by artystar
on Mar 11, 2013 -
38 answers
We have been dating for a year now and spend pretty much every available moment together. But it's stressing me out, I can't see my friends, and my free time after work and wekends, which used to contain a healthy quantity of "me" time, get swallowed up by "us". How can I find a balance without hurting his feelings?
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posted by anonymous
on Mar 10, 2013 -
21 answers
My BFF and former FWB-type is most likely a narcissist (*My untrained diagnosis). With every argument, fight, or disagreement, I find myself resolving things on
their terms, usually because I can empathize with their emotional state and/or their "situation." So I find the logic in their position, however skewed, and I stop being upset. Probably unhealthy? To a point? ... Where's the line?
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posted by anonymous
on Mar 9, 2013 -
25 answers
This has been happening for a few years now, where I fall for somebody emotionally unavailable, or already in a relationship and they do not tell me until much later. It has happened every single time with men that show interest in me and it is very upsetting as it makes me feel worthless or only second best. I feel like going on a break from men, even though it would technically be a break from nothing.
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posted by anonymous
on Mar 9, 2013 -
19 answers
I have feelings for another woman that I have no intention of ever acting on, and my current relationship seems doomed because of it. Help.
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posted by zeek321
on Mar 8, 2013 -
78 answers
Here is the photo with the Arabic message:
LINK
What does this say in English? I think the girl might represent me. She looks brokenhearted, too.
Thank you so much for your help!
posted by thatgirl1985
on Mar 8, 2013 -
2 answers
We met when I was there. We dated when I was there. Now he's coming here. And I'm freaking out (a shmear).
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posted by airguitar2
on Mar 7, 2013 -
8 answers
I feel that since older, attractive, successful guys get so much love already, I shouldn't like them. It just feels unfair, so much so that I try to deny my feelings and COMPENSATE by liking the opposite. This has terrible results. How do I stop thinking like this?
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posted by anonymous
on Mar 7, 2013 -
19 answers
A colleague has recently asked me to go out with him. The major red flag is that his ex-girlfriend whom he split up with, is a work colleague. In fact, all three of us work in the same organisation. The two of them have very senior posts and the nature of their work is such that they need to interact at meetings every day. I have a less important job and only work part-time. He was dating his ex for many years and the breakup wasn't easy. None of us are likely to leave our jobs. Does working closely with an ex ever rekindle the flame? Also, they sometimes work late in the evenings and she lives near him, so she often takes a lift with him. Should this be stopped? After all they are in close proximity anyway, so what is an extra 20 minutes in the car? Would you say this is enough of a ref flag and I shouldn't go ahead?
posted by ashawill
on Mar 4, 2013 -
50 answers
My boyfriend and I have been dating for five months. After a big fight this weekend, we've decided to take a week off from seeing each other. Has this strategy EVER improved a relationship? &How do I best manage anxiety this week?
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posted by anonymous
on Mar 3, 2013 -
21 answers
If anyone recognises this story, please can you tell me the author? I think the story is about five years old. An ordinary man with low self-esteem is dumped by his beautiful intelligent accomplished girlfriend. She gives him a dog as a pity present, with a snide subtext that the dog is better than he is. Gradually through caring for the dog, a magnificent Alsation, and taking pride in it, the man recovers his self-esteem and becomes sought-after. It's a story that feels as if it has a lot of undercurrents and as if it's not as simple as it looks: in some way the dog stands in for the guy, or represents the guy or becomes a totem for him. Or something.
posted by glasseyes
on Mar 3, 2013 -
3 answers
Hello! Over the past summer I was coming out of (what I now view as) an abusive relationship with someone who is likely an alcoholic. There was violence, a ton of debt, cruel language, cheating on several levels, etc. I posted about it
here. I went total NC with that one, despite his continued attempts to keep in contact with me, and didn't date at all or even contemplate a new relationship until the end of the holidays when I met a guy who totally took me by surprise and seemed amazing. I told him up front that I was coming off of an abusive relationship and had been cheated on repeatedly, with both strangers as well as my ex-'s "closest female friends", so I was highly sensitive to certain things and wasn't quite sure if I was healed enough yet. He told me that he was already loving who I was, and accepted me so far, and that I was "worth it" and so forth. I decided to give it a go.
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posted by orumi
on Mar 2, 2013 -
35 answers
TL;DR: The guy I'm dating non-exclusively is still sleeping with his ex. I can't decide if this is a red flag or not. For the record, I have been the one insisting we keep things open.
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posted by krakenattack
on Feb 28, 2013 -
36 answers
Help me Metafilter! I need cognitive and/or behavioral hacks to better deal with someone whose anxiety/self-esteem issues tend to make every conversation into a battle.
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posted by celtalitha
on Feb 28, 2013 -
30 answers
I'm four months into a fairly intense relationship, and drama and mental health issues have reared their ugly heads. As someone who has had recent mental health problems of my own, I'm feeling a little shaky about the whole thing; can the hive mind give me another perspective?
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posted by anonymous
on Feb 28, 2013 -
13 answers
Is a man who pretends to be friends with a woman when he is actually interested in more than friendship doing something shady?
Should said woman (myself) drop him as a friend or give him a chance to adjust? He’s a good friend and generally a positive, interesting and charming friend to have (smart, insightful, witty, capable of deep conversation, trustworthy with secrets, understanding…). I’m simply not interested in dating him (for many reasons, the most glaring of which is that he’s sexist in subtle ways that I couldn’t tolerate in a partner), but I value and love his friendship and conversation. I do not want to date him, ever. I don’t know if I should salvage our friendship or let it go, for his sake and mine...I've included the details below but I think this summary captures what I am trying to intellectually and emotionally figure out.
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posted by grassbottles
on Feb 28, 2013 -
54 answers
