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How can you recognize a secure person if you’re insecure?

Am I ruining a great relationship with my anxiety or am I anxious because my relationship is not great? Is there a way to tell the difference between irrational anxiety and alarm bells? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 20, 2014 - 9 answers

BDSMfilter: munches, play parties, and social anxiety

How can an shy, inexperienced kinkster approach potential play partners without being too pushy or creepy? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 14, 2014 - 5 answers

I don't want to meet my wife on Tinder

I'm inept at dating in the real world. Help me learn how to take a girl from acquaintance to date and face the uncertainty in between. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 14, 2014 - 21 answers

Social Media Etiquette for Homewreckers

How long should one wait before indirectly notifying a recent ex via social media that they are in a new relationship? Is this even a thing? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 7, 2014 - 31 answers

Breaking up/co-parenting with a difficult person

I've decided to end my relationship with my boyfriend/fiance of nearly 6 years. We have a 3 year old. I've realized I would rather be single/co-parenting than have my child see such an unhappy relationship. My boyfriend is regularly verbally/emotionally abusive to me in front of our child, and has a history of being emotionally withdrawn. For the purpose of this question please assume that we are definitely breaking up and that there is no other option for me. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 7, 2014 - 33 answers

The "how" and the "who first"

While my concerns about divorcing my spouse are numerous, there are two in particular that I could really use some advice on. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 3, 2014 - 20 answers

Should I tell or stay out of it?

How do I approach this delicate situation of a recent breakup, addiction issues, and levels of responsibility and boundaries in a new ex’s life? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 27, 2014 - 20 answers

Determining if it's time to end a LTR and then the follow through

I'm currently in a LTR relationship, we currently live together, have pets, and I'm starting to think the relationship has run it's course - but I've been in this mentality at least once a year the past few years, and it always passes. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 27, 2014 - 18 answers

Marriage in trouble, wife refuses relationship counseling. What next?

My wife Jane and I are in our 40s and have been together for eight years. We got along well for the first few years, but things have been steadily going south since then. In theory, we both want to improve our marriage, but we are not making much progress on our own. I could use some advice. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 21, 2014 - 48 answers

Logistics of breaking up and moving out?

I moved in to my girlfriend's apartment a little more than a year ago and decided this isn't the thing I want to do anymore. Is my escape plan appropriate? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 31, 2014 - 38 answers

I really like this new woman but she's freaking me out with demands!

I've been dating this great woman for a month now. I really do like her, but she seems to want more and more of my time and energy to the point that life getting out of balance for my self-care and recharge time. Special snowflakes inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 18, 2014 - 59 answers

President of the First Girlfriend's Club

How do I NOT be a starter girlfriend? I'm 28, genuine, friendly, have hobbies, a great career, but for some reason, my relationships keep ending. I know, I know, is it me? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 9, 2014 - 33 answers

How to avoid complacency + continue self-development in a relationship?

I am in a new relationship, and it's very much in the honeymoon phase. This person is amazing and awesome and it feels like I'm getting to know the best friend I never knew I had. This new relationship is very promising, and I would like to avoid all the bad relationship habits/mistakes I've made in the past (mostly around becoming complacent, no longer working on myself, not being as ambitious etc.). What is your advice and personal experience with this? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 4, 2014 - 3 answers

How to stop thinking about my relationship?

My marriage is in limbo and I need to stop giving it so much emotional energy. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 1, 2014 - 23 answers

How do I know if I am in love "enough" with my partner?

How do I know if I am in love "enough" with my partner? Snowflakery to follow [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 30, 2014 - 26 answers

Is there good reason to cry over spilled beans?

Throughout the entirety of my life, my immediate family has existed under a heavy shroud of secrecy. Within my current relationship, I cast it off for my boyfriend. Is this a decision I will come to deeply regret? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 29, 2014 - 24 answers

Took your advice & DTMFA. Now he's made big changes. What to do?

I took your advice, MetaFilter, and broke up with the guy who I wasn't totally feeling things for (and had checked out of our relationship). Some time has passed and he seems to be resolving most of the reasons for my unhappiness. He'd still be a great co-parent and partner, so, should I reconsider? Or is it too soon? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 27, 2014 - 31 answers

One date with someone who was bereaved shortly after

I've been on one date with a man whose brother died shortly afterwards. I want to support him and respect his decisions (including about whether to continue the relationship) but absolutely do not want to take advantage of his grief. I don't know how to approach this. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 14, 2014 - 18 answers

Describe going from "date" to "relationship"

I'm a guy in his thirties who has never been in a romantic relationship. I've been dating through OKCupid for a while, without too much success, and I think one of the reasons is that I just don't have a model of how you go from "first date" to "exclusive relationship involving emotional commitment". Hollywood love stories are no help, and I have no real-life experience, even at second hand, of how this tends to happen. I think it would help me to read some concrete descriptions of various paths this transition can take. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 9, 2014 - 14 answers

How can I let myself be vulnerable in my new relationship?

I think I have some messed up ideas about relationships, that are going to get in the way of me finding true intimacy and being a really good partner to someone. I want to get over these ideas but am terrified that acting in a more authentic and loving way will backfire. Hope me? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 7, 2014 - 8 answers

I suppose we should go on a... date?

Boy meets Girl. Then Boy does, what exactly? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 5, 2014 - 12 answers

My sex drive plummeted after my BF moved in. WTF?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 1.5 years, and he recently moved into my duplex with me. Now that we're living together, I just don't feel sexy or like I'm wanting sexytimes. :( It's very distressing, and I'm not sure what to do. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 5, 2014 - 8 answers

How do I talk to my girlfriend about occasional crossdressing?

I'm a 30-ish heterosexual cis-male in a long-term relationship with an awesome woman. We've been together for about four years, have lived together for about three of those and I think we're both pretty happy with it. I want to talk to her about the fact that I sometimes like to dress in women's clothing and would like to get your opinions on how to approach that conversation. Snowflakey details inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 30, 2014 - 38 answers

ain't 2 proud 2 beg

I have a wonderful relationship with my boyfriend. We are both mid-thirties; have discussed marriage and kids and are on the same page;we live together; and things are great. Except for one thing - I initiate sex most of the time and want it more. I know the next part is not right, but, me initiating things all of the time makes me feel bad. I know it is a stereotype to expect men to be wanting to have sex more. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 23, 2014 - 9 answers

I feel unable to participate in a normal, healthy dating relationship.

I am 34 years old, and for the first time in my life, I am embarking on a 'normal' relationship. My insecurities are causing me extreme anxiety, and I'd like your stories and insight and tips on what I might be being realistic about, and what I'm not. Apologies for a long explanation inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 11, 2014 - 29 answers

How can I be less needy?

My about 15-year marriage is in severe difficulty. A big part of this is me being too needy. My wife and I knew I was needy before we got married, but both thought that getting married would fix it. It hasn't. I'm taking an antidepressant, and we are in therapy and both committed to staying together. I've read some other answers on AskMi, and am following up with some book recommendations, but I feel like I need more help. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 11, 2014 - 29 answers

How to best break up with my girlfriend?

I am strongly considering breaking up with my girlfriend, but I haven't done this for a while and want to do the right thing. I value both honesty/truth and kindness. I know that sometimes the truth hurts a lot and may scar people psychologically, so I am looking for guidance on how to toe the line between being respectfully honest and condescendingly protective. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 9, 2014 - 26 answers

Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, UFOs, human pair bonding?

Is talking early on in a relationship about "not believing in monogamy" a huge red flag? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 5, 2014 - 60 answers

How to break a cycle of inaction and resentment?

For most of my young adult and now adult life, I'm having more and more difficulty taking control of the resentment that seems to build up as the result of my inability to communicate. I'm not sure if there's an overlap between the two, but I can't remember a time when I'd feel one without the other. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 19, 2014 - 16 answers

Age is just a number...?

Me (female): 24. Him: 19. I can tell he likes me; I feel confused and feel like I'm leading him on. Help! [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 17, 2014 - 25 answers

Relationship Meetings: good idea or bad idea or terrible awful idea?

I have scheduled a relationship check-in with my long-term partner (a State of the Union, as per Pervocracy) only now I'm worried that it's just going to make things worse. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 5, 2014 - 30 answers

Procedural/ethical question that may sound like a relationship question

This is a financial/procedural/ethical question, not a relationship question. My SO and I recently bought a house together. The loan is in SO's name, because we got a better rate that way. SO is therefore the official owner right now. Our verbal agreement upon commencing the search for a house, and what we both decided was fair, was that my name would be added to the deed after we closed. We also talked about what we'd do if we split up, and we agreed that one would buy the other out, or we'd split the money from the sale of the home (minus our individual contributions to the down payment). We've moved in, and in typical fashion, haven't gotten around to the deed bit. Actual question after the jump. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 29, 2014 - 23 answers

How do I handle destination wedding money stress?

A friend of my girlfriend's is getting married in Asia over Christmas 2014. She's planning to go, and wants me to accompany her (and, money aside, I'd like to go). She'll be upset and disappointed if I don't, and is already upset and disappointed that I'm balking. She makes enough money to afford the trip without financial contortions, and...I don't, or don't feel like I do. This is a recurring point of contention in our relationship, and, generally, I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable, she's being unreasonable, or a little bit of both. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 26, 2014 - 58 answers

Mixed Signals

I've been spending all my time with this awesome girl but she's sending extremely mixed signals and I'm not quite sure what to do about it. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 17, 2014 - 29 answers

How to be supportive when you're really worried about the future?

My husband is miserable at his job and would like to change. This will likely mean a cut in our income and taking on more debt for him to go to school. How can I be more supportive when I worry about the change in our financial circumstances? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 15, 2014 - 48 answers

“No woman gets an orgasm from shining the kitchen floor. ”

Met a great guy that I fell in love with just when I thought I never would again! Now how do I tell him I've never had an orgasm with him, that I want to do something about it, and that I was faking the ones I "did have" for the first half of our relationship? Sordid details inside! [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 10, 2014 - 17 answers

How can I create a healthy relationship with my soon-to-be stepmother?

My dad is getting married to a woman with whom he's had a very tumultuous, difficult relationship. They are moving across the country together, and I'm scared. Lots more details inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 5, 2014 - 25 answers

Girl of my dreams and I decided to not do long distance when shes abroad

Girl I've been dating for a few months, who is perfect for me, has left to go abroad for 10 months. We decided not to do long distance but to keep in close contact. I'm planning to visit her. I'm in this grey area where we are in an unlabeled, romantic friendship and care deeply about each other but due to distance and uncertainty of the future, we can't commit. I'm just scared we are going to lose our amazing connection and fall apart, so I need some perspective on how to keep close and be as intimate as possible in the face of this distance, and the freedom to date other people. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 3, 2014 - 15 answers

How to interact with an unfamiliar new resident in my parents home?

A lovely, college-aged young woman who has had a very rough year is coming to live with my parents, whom I visit several times a year, often for extended periods of time (I live 900 miles away, but I'm a student with long vacations). I think this is great. However, I feel a little at sea for how to interact with her, and to prepare for this change, especially given the giant elephant in the room: the horrible event that happened which has caused her to need a new home. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 17, 2013 - 31 answers

Pulling the plug on my LDR, because meh?

I am become rather obsessed with the idea that I want more from a relationship and might need to end this one. Should I? Details inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 15, 2013 - 13 answers

No Tingles, But My Chance at Having a Family...

I'm with a great guy who's ready to have a family with me. I'm in my late 30s, near the end of my childbearing years and definitely want a family. While he is a very good man who I love and respect — I'm not feeling much in the way of butterflies, tingles, or excited feelings to be with him. He's nice though! If I were 22, I'd probably take a break for awhile and date around more. But I worry that if I did this now, I will risk never having children of my own. What to do...? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 27, 2013 - 61 answers

How do I deal with my spouse having an external romantic relationship?

I found out my partner of 20 years/spouse of 11 was having an emotional/romantic affair with our best friend and lied to me about it. Now that we've gone through the initial reveal, I've told her I've forgiven her; she's hinting she's been thinking about romantic relationships outside of our marriage. tl;dr- Are we done here or can this be saved? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 22, 2013 - 49 answers

Oral sex-iprocity?

My boyfriend has forgotten I exist in the bedroom. How can I go about initiating a chat about this and finding a solution before my sexual self-esteem completely disappears? (NSFW) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 21, 2013 - 20 answers

Should I give this another shot?

I searched for similar questions but had a hard time finding something that applied to what I think is a very specific situation. I'm trying to decide if I should attempt dating an ex, and I'm hoping the Hive Mind can help me out. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 20, 2013 - 23 answers

Struggling to forgive my SO's emotional cheating

How can I forgive my SO (and myself) for emotionally cheating on each other? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 12, 2013 - 12 answers

What to do about someone I like

Basically I met a guy at a bar (I'm also a guy fyi)... We've been going places, eating out, and hanging out for the past month and a half and still are. Every day or every other day or so and he's always up for it. He messages me while we're both at work. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 11, 2013 - 12 answers

How to manage an LDR when there's no end to the distance in sight?

I have just moved to a new city for my dream job and I can’t stop crying. Long distance relationship woes inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 4, 2013 - 7 answers

How, specifically, do you break up with someone?

Yet another break up question: I've decided to end it with my partner of about a year and a half, and I'll keep to the typical advice of being respectful, doing it face to face, making a clean break with no contact, etc. But what exactly do I do? Where? How? When? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 4, 2013 - 13 answers

I desperately want to be who she needs: emotion control advice

I'm caring for my sick and declining wife, but my own anger issues have made me a terrible caregiver at times, let alone partner. We both love each other deeply, and want to spend our final years together, but if I can't stop making her miserable I have to go. I'm already pursuing therapy, have a psychiatrist, etc. I am not ashamed to seek help; the stakes are so high. I will be devastated if I have to walk away because I am a toxic presence, and so I'm determined to address my problems and be the husband she needs. I'm seeking ideas and advice on how to eliminate the bad so we can enjoy the good. More below... [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 23, 2013 - 55 answers

We are "on a break". How long should it last?

My fiancee and I have been together for seven-and-a-half years, owned a house together for three, and in the spring of this year she agreed to marry me. Last week she told me, quite out of the blue, that she wanted a break from our relationship. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 18, 2013 - 40 answers

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