34 posts tagged with Relationships and abuse.
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A Long Time Ago, In A Relationship Far, Far Away

When should I tell new partners about past abuse? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 23, 2014 - 11 answers

How do gf and I deal with different approaches to irritation and anger?

Our relationship is mostly great, but we disagree about the appropriateness of expressing irritation and anger at your partner. She can be outbursty, and I can be over-sensitive, so we might bicker, and then fight about the fighting, and we're trying to break the cycle. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 27, 2014 - 55 answers

Partner's Abusive Ex and Communicating My Boundaries

I need advice on how to explain to my partner why I wont be attending a birthday party for the child she co-parents with her emotionally abusive ex. [more inside]
posted by peterpete on Aug 5, 2014 - 36 answers

How can you recognize a secure person if you’re insecure?

Am I ruining a great relationship with my anxiety or am I anxious because my relationship is not great? Is there a way to tell the difference between irrational anxiety and alarm bells? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 20, 2014 - 9 answers

How do I gain street smarts to protect myself and my children?

How does one overcome thought processes and the resulting bad decision making from a lifetime of abuse and poor examples. [more inside]
posted by tenaciousmoon on May 29, 2014 - 18 answers

Cutting off abusive parents AFTER they have tried to make amends?

My parents were abusive for over a decade of my life, profoundly and in many ways permanently impacting my physical health and emotional and social well-being. Since that time, they have apologized, but I am still incredibly angry and hurt by the choices they made. Could cutting off contact help me move on? Mefites who have been in similar situations, please share your experiences and suggestions for healing. More details below. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 30, 2013 - 46 answers

my boyfriend's ex accused him of abuse; how to proceed?

In a recent conversation with my boyfriend of four months, it came up that in the divorce papers his ex-wife had served him with, she had accused him of abuse. [Specifically spitting, pushing, and kicking, as well as emotional abuse.] He denies all of it, and says that instead SHE abused HIM, both physically attacking him and subjecting him to emotional abuse. I knew that their relationship had been acrimonious--but this seems like something else entirely. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 30, 2013 - 34 answers

Boundaries: I need them.

How do I set up the right boundaries regarding intimacy when dating new people. Difficulty level: history of abuse, disassociation and social anxiety! (nsfw) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 26, 2013 - 9 answers

How can I be as supportive as possible of an abuse victim?

I've been seeing a wonderful guy for several months now, and I'm very happy. But he's a victim of abuse from a past relationship, and I'm looking for advice/resources on how to better support him. [more inside]
posted by Gee, June! on May 13, 2013 - 12 answers

I want to help and I really mean it!

Help me write a note to my neighbor, offering help if needed... [more inside]
posted by HopperFan on Apr 2, 2013 - 18 answers

Lose a good friend or try to fix it?

Is a man who pretends to be friends with a woman when he is actually interested in more than friendship doing something shady? Should said woman (myself) drop him as a friend or give him a chance to adjust? He’s a good friend and generally a positive, interesting and charming friend to have (smart, insightful, witty, capable of deep conversation, trustworthy with secrets, understanding…). I’m simply not interested in dating him (for many reasons, the most glaring of which is that he’s sexist in subtle ways that I couldn’t tolerate in a partner), but I value and love his friendship and conversation. I do not want to date him, ever. I don’t know if I should salvage our friendship or let it go, for his sake and mine...I've included the details below but I think this summary captures what I am trying to intellectually and emotionally figure out. [more inside]
posted by grassbottles on Feb 28, 2013 - 54 answers

Does this ever get better?

I am having a very difficult time dealing with PTSD, especially as it relates to having close relationships with men. I am in my early 40's and for most of my life I didn't realize why I had such a hard time being able to trust others and allow myself to get close to people. Over the past couple of years, I was diagnosed with PTSD stemming from emotional, verbal, and physical abuse during my childhood. I have to say that it was good to discover why I have been screwed up emotionally for so long. At the same time, I am able to see that the kind of men I tend to gravitate toward are either abusive or emotionally not present (just like my parents). I have been in therapy ever since my diagnosis, and am working on building my self-esteem too. I am an awesome woman with a lot to offer and I have come a long way over the years. I can't seem to stop attracting men who hurt me in some way. I want to find a life partner and I know that I deserve to be in a loving and nurturing relationship. But love equals pain even after years of therapy and working on myself. Is there life after PTSD and how do I break this cycle? How can I find a man who loves me for me and wants to be supportive, PTSD and all? Thanks.
posted by strelitzia on Feb 12, 2013 - 12 answers

I thought the hard part was over...

I left my abusive ex four months ago. So how can I actually move on now that I've moved out? [more inside]
posted by sockermom on Feb 4, 2013 - 22 answers

Should I Stay Or Should I Go (Here We Go Again)

Going round and round in circles in a relationship that has me asking 'what's the point?' and thinking 'why bother, he doesn't care'. Add to this my freelance work pattern, cohabitation but sleeping in separate rooms, his eating disorder, my issues with child abuse, his distance geographically from his family... and it's all just a big mess. I don't know what to do. Perhaps you can help me untangle things? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 13, 2012 - 26 answers

How to discharge anger at an ex two years after the breakup?

When everything on the surface seems healed and healthy after a breakup, how do you quash obsessive thoughts and anger about an abusive ex- two years on? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 17, 2012 - 20 answers

So Confused Right Now.

How do I deal with being a platonic relationship? [more inside]
posted by DuchessProzac on May 18, 2012 - 15 answers

Books, forums, ??, for adult children of abusive parents who have (undiagnosed) cognitive and emotional issues?

What are some informative self-help books and other resources (preferably online or UK-based) for adults dealing with abusive parents who have undiagnosed cognitive deficits and are emotionally stunted? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 1, 2012 - 2 answers

Should I get a dog, even though my husband has a slight tendancy to violence?

My husband has anger issues. We are considering getting a dog, but I'm not sure I trust him to appropriately express his anger around the dog. What should I do? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 9, 2011 - 33 answers

Resources on complicated grief

Where can I find resources on complicated grief, especially with regard to grieving something that never was? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 8, 2011 - 6 answers

Help me move forward from an emotionally tramatic year....

How can I restore my mental health/sanity after one stressful hell of a year? Additionally, any suggestions for starting to heal as a surviour of emotional abuse by a parent? [more inside]
posted by snowysoul on May 9, 2011 - 16 answers

How to change my I'm not lovable belief system?!? Help me!!

How can I fix myself so I can attract and believe in a healthy relationship is out there for me? I have great friends, I'm well-liked, I have a great career and have made tons of progress working on myself over the last ten years to make sure I don't adopt the patterns of my family of origin. I want a relationship but I still keep falling into the pattern of "I'll never meet anyone for me" or thinking that I'm meant to be alone AND I WANT TO STOP THIS BS ALREADY! Help/ideas please! [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 7, 2011 - 8 answers

Please help me manage my obsessive thoughts

Why do my obsessive thoughts focus so much on my relationship, and what can I do to manage them? After living through years of sexual abuse as a child and teen, followed by a severely unhealthy relationship with an older man soon there after, I've actually found someone with whom I have potential to build something that could be really great. The trouble is that my brain is trying incredibly hard to sabotage this relationship, despite my best efforts to control it. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 28, 2010 - 18 answers

My brother is abusing his girlfriend, and I don't know what to do.

My brother is emotionally abusing his girlfriend. What can I do? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 22, 2010 - 44 answers

How would you react to this?

How would you react if your long-term boyfriend/girlfriend told you they have a past history of extensive physical, sexual, and emotional abuse? Or do you say anything at all? Relevant details inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 19, 2010 - 31 answers

How do I untrain myself to alter my plans for men under all circumstances?

Snowflake relationship question: How do I keep this quasi-relationship from stressing me out? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 17, 2010 - 13 answers

How do I stop feeling so mercenary and unconsenting in my relationships?

How do I stop feeling so mercenary and unconsenting in my relationships? Right now my issue is primarily in romantic situations. I think that I know why I'm like this and have figured it all out mentally, but I need some practical strategies for avoiding situations that trigger my weirdness. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 18, 2010 - 10 answers

Help with touchy situation

I have moved back to my home town after about ten years. Throughout those years, an ex-boyfriend has been slandering me to old friends, colleagues, etc. I haven’t been in touch with a lot of these people and simply didn’t want to talk about the situation, so I didn’t. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 4, 2009 - 14 answers

Help me ask for help.

I have a traumatic past and a partner who wants to be supportive, but I don't know how to ask for support! [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 12, 2009 - 14 answers

When to share the baggage? When to keep it to yourself?

Should I tell my boyfriend about past abuse? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 9, 2009 - 24 answers

Unwelcome flashbacks

My past experiences are coloring my perception of the present, my personal life is crashing into my professional life, help me make it stop. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 5, 2008 - 17 answers

Help me figure out what to do about my relationship.

Help me sort out my feelings about the relationship I’m in because I just can’t seem to figure it out. (long and complicated - sorry!) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 25, 2007 - 23 answers

How can I get them to leave me alone?

How can I get them to leave me alone? I have the court order. I have moved and rarely leave the house. So how do I get this person to leave me alone? [more inside]
posted by uh126 on Dec 16, 2007 - 19 answers

work related abuse

work related question. A co-worker I work with very closely threatened my verbally and physically, claiming I was doing a poor job. I reported to my supervisor, and said co-worker denies it. What should I do (other than quitting, but I like the job) I have been there 3 years and this came out of the blue. I feel now I have to resign. Suggestions?
posted by cvoixjames on Dec 13, 2006 - 39 answers

Between a rock and a hard place.

How do I get my (abusive?) boyfriend out of my life? [more inside]
posted by kzin602 on Apr 20, 2006 - 25 answers

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