2891 posts tagged with Relationships.
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What is sexual compatibility if libido is not a problem?

Trying to get over a recent Ex who I thought was perfect except for sexual compatibility. I'm trying to unpack this concept and get advice on whether different sexual styles (libido is not a problem) is a dealbreaker. There's no chance of getting him back, but it might help me move on. [more inside]
posted by minoraltercation on May 5, 2015 - 5 answers

My bf always asks if I'm okay, and it's frustrating.

I don't like being asked on such a regular basis (five times or more a day) if I'm okay. I just want to go about my normal activities and feel my normal range of emotions without having to be self-conscious about it. I know he means well, but I feel like if I'm not always smiling and outwardly placid -- like if I'm trying to find something in the house or concentrating intently on writing an email -- then something is wrong, the kind of wrong that I suddenly have to open up and talk about to placate his need to know if I'm okay. 98 percent of the time, I am fine. I'm not a naturally perky person, and I'm a bit introverted so my inner life is important to me. I've mentioned all this to him several times. How do I get him to stop?
posted by anonymous on May 3, 2015 - 42 answers

Why is this man who is totally out of my league pursuing me?

I dumped a guy who's totally out of my league. Now he is chasing me like there's no tomorrow. Why? And will it last? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 30, 2015 - 67 answers

How do i bring this up again without annoying him?

I posted a question prior to this a few weeks ago, and i need some more advice. [more inside]
posted by earthquakeglue on Apr 25, 2015 - 27 answers

Should I ask for acknowledgement and apology?

For an almost 2 years, my wife and I were in a rough spot. She was very often angry, her anger was usually directed at me, and her anger often resulted in name-calling and sometimes worse. She never apologized for or acknowledged anything upsetting she said. As detailed 'inside,' this angry spiral ended abruptly (and surprisingly) after a medical intervention for an unrelated issue. Part of me very much wants to talk to her about this episode. I hope for apology and acknowledgement; I fear that it wouldn't be offered. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 22, 2015 - 40 answers

How do I know whether it's worth giving my relationship a shot?

I'm so confused about my relationship that I've taken to MeFi to ask for advice – any thoughts would be hugely appreciated. My boyfriend of almost one year is 29; I'm 34. He's kind, caring and all-round deeply lovely, we get on absolutely brilliantly, have loads in common and I feel incredibly comfortable and happy around him. Life is sweet. Except two not-so-tiny things: he's scared of commitment and doesn't ever want to talk about my ticking biological clock. How much time do I give this? [more inside]
posted by considerthelilies on Apr 21, 2015 - 67 answers

Should I give him an ultimatum?

My boyfriend of 10 months has hit some personal rough patches, that have created some rough spots in our relationship. At this point, this I've decided what are the deal breakers for me in this relationship but he doesn't know that. Should I tell him or would that be an ultimatum? [more inside]
posted by CosmicSeeker42 on Apr 19, 2015 - 50 answers

How can I get better at having eyes only for my fiancee?

I used to think it was OK to fantasize about other women as long as I wasn't emotionally or physically cheating. Fiancee did not, and we would both like me to be start being mentally faithful as well. What are your best tips for keeping thoughts of other women out of my mind? Details inside. [more inside]
posted by tripledrop on Apr 19, 2015 - 69 answers

Thwarting loneliness in times of trial

How can I cope with the fact that I will likely be single for the next several years? [more inside]
posted by cosmicbeast on Apr 18, 2015 - 21 answers

"You can't handle the truth!" But I need to learn how to...

Last week, my partner admitted that he's been not just hiding things, but outright lying to me. The revelations hurt, but I need honesty if we're to stay together. How do I make it safe for my partner to tell me the truth when it's repeatedly been so startling and upsetting? Difficulty level: partner is dealing with Major Depression, and has been near-suicidal. [more inside]
posted by Someone Else's Story on Apr 17, 2015 - 56 answers

The Cycle Continues

Are my kids forever damaged? Can I teach them to show love? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 17, 2015 - 28 answers

My cat is an awful roommate

For a number of reasons, my partner and I have decided to live separately for the first time in our relationship. I've lived with a partner for the majority of my adult life, and I have no idea how to make living alone not suck OR how to do a grown-up relationship without living together. Snowflakes galore inside. [more inside]
posted by cheerwine on Apr 14, 2015 - 14 answers

What Emotional Decision Points Led to Your Good Relationship?

I'm writing a novel, and this is a research question. Essentially, I want to understand, both in general and in specific, what emotional decisions lead to a good relationship. The protagonist and the love-interest have hit it off, and Act 3 is about how their relationship deepens and intensifies. So, I want to know, what choices, and especially what emotional choices, have you made that turned out well? [more inside]
posted by Alex Haist on Apr 11, 2015 - 13 answers

How did you organize your decision making around divorce?

I'm debating getting divorced. I'm interested in the decision-making process. If you've debated getting a divorce - whether you ultimately decided to or not - what did your process look like? What did you do? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 10, 2015 - 24 answers

How do I communicate better when I'm about to, erm, get my freak on?

Exactly as it says on the tin. How do, without faking it, I be more upfront about my dating/sexual inexperience with my potential partners, and when? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 10, 2015 - 21 answers

should I feel like shit? cause I kinda feel like shit.

I am new(ish) to dating. I went on a couple of dates(?) with one person, and with another person a platonic meeting turned romantic and now I feel really guilty. Can I get some goddamn perspective, please? (other stupid complications within, obvsly. Just look what website we're on.) [more inside]
posted by FirstMateKate on Apr 9, 2015 - 13 answers

Big difference in age/experience on a first date and if something more.

So I am a 34 male and I knowingly asked a 19-20-21-ish-year-old on a coffee date. I mentioned the age difference to her when I did so. She said, "Sure." If we go on more dates after this date and/or become physically intimate, how can I minimize the chance that she will retrospectively feel preyed upon or taken advantage of in X years? [more inside]
posted by zeek321 on Apr 6, 2015 - 99 answers

Did I emotionally violate myself, or did he emotionally violate me?

I've been getting closer and closer to the guy I've been dating for six months. He's very lovely. The other week I worried a little that we weren't close 'enough' for where I want to be, and mentioned in passing that I usually would've told past boyfriends some pretty big (dark) things that haven't come up yet in our relationship. I explained that this was less because I didn't trust him and more because I guess I'm experimenting with the idea that these things (child sexual abuse, a very abusive relationship with an alcoholic in my teens) don't define me and I don't need to 'fess up' as being 'damaged' like I have previously. However, he took it to mean that there was lots about me he didn't know which he has said he finds 'distressing', and he also wants me to trust him with these things. He's mentioned it twice since, and I ended up just telling him the other night mainly to reassure him, but I now feel a little....emotionally exposed, and not sure whether I did that to myself (he didn't force them out of me, but I did feel pressured), or whether I should let him know that it made me feel uncomfortable and that I wasn't quite ready. I don't want to offend him again, or cause a rupture in what is otherwise a great relationship. [more inside]
posted by starstarstar on Apr 3, 2015 - 31 answers

What does it look like for financial values to fundamentally change?

My SO & I are in our 30’s, have been dating over a year and have been talking about marriage. We are having a crisis over our differing financial values. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 1, 2015 - 21 answers

How to love a fearful-avoidant partner

I've seen these questions about how to change a fearful-avoidant attachment style, but I can't find any information on how to help a partner who is fearful-avoidant feel loved and secure. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 1, 2015 - 11 answers

I'm having trouble deciphering my friend's new behavior toward me

I was going through a tough time with some family members, and one day it became too much to handle. I cried in front of this guy I'll call him C, who is the leader of this meetup group I'm in. He's two years older than me. We've been casual friends for a few years, but I've had the biggest secret crush on him. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 31, 2015 - 15 answers

My mom is lonely and alone. Can I offer healthy support with boundaries?

I recently posted my current situation here. I'm still struggling with a longstanding issue: My mom's undiagnosed (notwithstanding a brief stint on anti-depressants 15 years ago following her divorce) possible depression. About once or twice a year I find myself with her while she sobs uncontrollably and talks about how lonely and alone she feels as she ages. These are all valid feelings and fears, but everytime I bring up seeing a counsellor to help her get her life back on track, giver her tools to cope, filter out the negative energy in her life (such as her codependent relationship with her 29 y/o son), she refuses to admit there is a problem. [more inside]
posted by stumblingthroughitall on Mar 31, 2015 - 12 answers

Help for the fearful-avoidant adult.

I seem to be Fearful-avoidant according to attachment theory in adults. Please help me learn more about this way of dealing with people. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 30, 2015 - 8 answers

I might've ruined one of my closest friendships. Should I make amends?

The backstory might shed light, but it's long and I'm sorry if it bores you. I might make a TL;DR sentence, but I suggest you read the whole thing. TL;DR. Befriended girl and crushed, had a lot of issues that turned me off, turned into a very close friend, badly timed telling her about dead feelings, and managed to still communicate until I had to back off for a bit. Don't know what I should do? [more inside]
posted by krs15 on Mar 29, 2015 - 31 answers

Hallmarks of not having "done the work"?

What are the signs of someone who hasn't pursued therapy and healing and isn't ready for a relationship? [more inside]
posted by morganw on Mar 29, 2015 - 30 answers

Should I Forget Him or is There Still Something There?

This guy I met a few months ago has been sending me some very mixed signals for a very long time and I honestly don't know what to make of it. Whenever I'm just about to write him off for ghosting on me, he re-appears and it's like nothing ever happened. Anyone have any advice or tips? [more inside]
posted by lana0112 on Mar 27, 2015 - 47 answers

How do you cope with a long distance relationship?

How do you handle long distance relationships, or rather potential long distance and keep your mind off of things without dwelling on it too much? [more inside]
posted by earthquakeglue on Mar 23, 2015 - 12 answers

Marriage models?

Looking for research on good marriages, not memoirs or personal anecdotes. My therapist asked me the qualities of a good marriage and I hadn't a clue. My immediate family are all unhappily married, and I only recently realised how fearful my own marriage is and left. I basically assume that "If they're not beating you or cheating on you, that's enough." I'm looking for what comes after reading John Gottman: research on thriving marriages, including multicultural or historical. Books, documentaries, films and novels, scholarly keywords etc. I'm not looking for personal accounts but bibliography recommendations.
posted by dorothyisunderwood on Mar 22, 2015 - 15 answers

Politely tell former co-worker I'm not interested in staying friends?

I left a job recently, and there's a former co-worker who keeps contacting me. [more inside]
posted by arbor day on Mar 21, 2015 - 34 answers

Terrible at sensing a man's interest... is he?

I’m having trouble figuring out how a prof in my department feels about me (I'm a graduate student). I’m 100% certain that he cares deeply for me, as I do for him, but what has never been made clear is whether there is or might be anything romantic in it. I know where I’m at, but not being able to read minds (or hearts), I’m having trouble figuring him out. The last few last times I’ve seen him things have gotten especially confusing, and it’s been completely preoccupying me. I've included details below the cut. [more inside]
posted by anoncanuck on Mar 21, 2015 - 67 answers

'Challenging' versus 'changing' someone?

Where do you draw the line in a relationship between challenging your partner in a healthy, positive way, against attempting to change them, making them question themselves in an unhealthy way? [more inside]
posted by NatalieWood on Mar 20, 2015 - 37 answers

Kindly telling someone you're not interested in a closer friendship?

How can you politely tell an acquaintance or casual friend that you don't want to be better friends, when they apparently can't take a hint, and you know you'll continue to see them? [more inside]
posted by aldebaran on Mar 19, 2015 - 48 answers

Should I date my opposite-sex twin or find someone who complements me?

I'm shy, unassertive, and nerdy. Should I date someone just like myself or try to find someone whose strengths are my weaknesses? [more inside]
posted by Guinevere on Mar 14, 2015 - 28 answers

Not twitterstalking, just twitter… observing?

A slightly weird situation has arisen in my relationship with my SO over the people I follow on Twitter. To me it feels controlling; am I overreacting? [more inside]
posted by six sided sock on Mar 14, 2015 - 46 answers

When abuse survivors become abusive…

What does the road to recovery look like for abuse survivors, especially pertaining to their romantic relationships post-abuse? Do they often break free of all abusive relationships, how likely is it to turn into an abuse or be abused dichotomy? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 13, 2015 - 12 answers

How do I help my partner become more responsible?

My loving, intelligent, witty, well-read partner is also really irresponsible. Please help me approach him about it constructively. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 9, 2015 - 26 answers

I'm sorry I offended you. Give me a letter of recommendation please.

How do I ask somebody for a letter of recommendation to grad school that mistakenly believes I blew him off for not helping me before? [more inside]
posted by Che boludo! on Mar 9, 2015 - 12 answers

How can I not be the "default parent" in my relationship?

How can I not be the "default parent" in my relationship? [more inside]
posted by so much modern time on Mar 9, 2015 - 46 answers

Getting divorced. What do I owe the in-laws?

I'm getting divorced after 20+ years of marriage. Once everything is official and done and legal, what is the etiquette in terms of ongoing interaction with my ex in-laws? Is it normal (that is, expected or required) to maintain some kind of relationship afterwards (especially as there are kids involved—teens, though, not toddlers)? Or am I free to no longer have to deal with them, and leave all that to my ex-husband?
posted by anonymous on Mar 8, 2015 - 15 answers

Maybe it's just called "Being a Jerk"

So, I was wondering if there was nice, tight term for this interpersonal communication/relationship dynamic I've seen at work. Details within! [more inside]
posted by It's a Parasox on Mar 7, 2015 - 24 answers

Are these shallow reasons for breaking up with my boyfriend?

Help me decide whether or not to go forward with this relationship. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 6, 2015 - 61 answers

Boyfriend bad juju beanplating

Dating for 6 weeks, "officially" boyfriend and girlfriend, have been spending time together most days. I've excitedly told my friends about him and invited him to a 30th and on a group holiday a few of us were going on. Last weekend he went to a farewell party on the Friday and a birthday on the Saturday without inviting me, but came to my place afterwards (on the Friday he left my house to go to the farewell party, then returned afterwards). I felt disappointed that he seemed less excited to introduce me to his friends than I did him and my gut feeling is not good. Thoughts? [more inside]
posted by lifethatihavenotlivedyet on Mar 5, 2015 - 41 answers

Overcoming an unhealthy crush?

I have a crush on my best friend's boyfriend—and we are all roommates. How can I overcome these feelings when we are in such close proximity? [more inside]
posted by kaisemic on Mar 3, 2015 - 48 answers

How to deal with friend's infidelities

My friend has been involved in a committed, sexually exclusive romantic relationship for over a year. However, he has already had multiple affairs outside of the relationship. His girlfriend does not know. I like and respect her and am sick of seeing this going on behind her back. Seeing my friend lie, cheat, etc. has also damaged my liking and respect for him. I want this stressful situation to end but do not know what I can ethically do. Please advise. [more inside]
posted by NeverGrowSoOldAgain on Mar 2, 2015 - 60 answers

Should I tell someone that her boyfriend cheated on her with me?

I recently broke up a serious, long term relationship with someone I loved, because I fell in love with someone else who I wanted to pursue a relationship with. This other person was also in a long term relationship and claimed that he'd broken up with his girlfriend but needed to date me secretly as she was bipolar and would "break all his things" if she found out, but also showed concern that her finding out would destabilize her mental health. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 26, 2015 - 63 answers

I am feeling stuck in a serious rut. How to reboot?

In my mid-20s, going nowhere, full of shame. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 26, 2015 - 18 answers

Engaged in vicious war with partner's identical twin. Break up now?

I live with my partner and their identical twin. The twin and I want to murder each other. One of us has to move out. My relationship is going well for now, but I can't guarantee it will last, and I don't want to come between them. On the other hand, this conflict is definitely the twin's fault, and my partner and I would not be breaking up this soon otherwise. Who should go: me or the twin? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 22, 2015 - 33 answers

Websites about love and self-worth/knowledge/respect/etc

I really like this website and I was wondering if you can recommend similar ones. [more inside]
posted by divina_y_humilde on Feb 21, 2015 - 5 answers

Grandma, you are my negative role model.

My grandmother has always been a difficult person to love, or even to like. I feel obligated to continue a relationship with her, partly out of a sense of pity for a lonely person approaching the end of life, and partly because it will spare my parents from having to deal with the emotional fallout of the end of our relationship. Is it even possible to have a relationship with a relative based on feelings like these, and if so, how should I go about it? [more inside]
posted by Chuck Barris on Feb 19, 2015 - 28 answers

Do you think this is enough for a Valentine's Day gift?

I am currently in a relationship of 4 months. I have a couple things for my boyfriend for Valentine's Day but I'm not sure if it's enough. Opinions pretty please?? :) [more inside]
posted by anon1129 on Feb 14, 2015 - 13 answers

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