Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with People

How to avoid the "just kidding, we're not pregnant anymore ..."

kthxbi — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 15:24:01 -0800

How long does a couple usually wait before announcing a pregnancy? My cousin's wife just miscarried after announcing the pregnancy about a month ago (she was just under 2 months along at the time). It is my understanding that until the third month or so it's not a sure deal as to whether the baby will stick, if you will. Cousin says he deeply regrets telling people now (he went so far as to announce his to-be daddy-ness on facebook) since he'll have to announce the miscarriage now too. Is there a social norm for how long to wait before telling the world?

How do you criticize without appearing overcritical (when you're not)?

matticulate — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 02:00:47 -0800

One of the problems I seem to have is coming across as overly critical, despite the fact that I am normally patient and tolerant with people. So I ask you all: How long do you tolerate an issue until you bring it up as a problem? And how do you communicate this so that the other person sees it as something to work on, without feeling "under the gun" all the time? I'd like to be a more assertive, yet easygoing person. For the most part, I am pretty tolerant when people “mess up” – when a friend is late, craps out on plans, forgets to introduce me to others, etc. I can brush these annoyances off fairly well, saying “it’s no big deal,” and we get on with the day just fine. Essentially I give my friends the benefit of the doubt (temporarily believing that they will adjust their habits next time) and don’t dwell on their mistakes for too long. I’m not the kind of person who likes or wants to criticize every little thing.

Yet after I give a friend multiple chances, and his/her "offensive" behavior persists, I find myself increasingly annoyed. It gets to the point where I have to say something about it, and this usually results in me taking a somewhat critical tone. I would think this is a natural and legitimate development. I feel I have a reason to be annoyed and I explain why. Unfortunately, despite how tactful I try to be in tone and content, my message isn't always taken receptively.

As an example, I used to get annoyed at my girlfriend (who is incredibly ambitious and a bit of a workaholic), who always seemed to make plans on the same days we had something planned. These extra plans would often cut into the amount of time we had to spend with each other, as it would lead to her being late, or my having to wait more than expected. The first several times I let it go, of course, because I was being a nice guy and didn’t expect this to carry on too often. Finally, after what felt like the 6th or 7th time that this happened to me, I reached my limit and called her out for continuing to schedule things so close to arrangements we had. “Things always pop up,” she would say, but I wouldn’t have it, and I contended that I had been patient and understanding for so long that I felt it was unfair for her to keep doing this. Now it has gotten to the point where my girlfriend feels like she is sacrificing her freedom to work to spend time with me, and she feels pressured by me because she thinks I would be upset any time she makes plans when I’m in town.

This is not the situation I wanted. I don’t want my girlfriend to feel pressure with me, and it has been very difficult for me to figure out how to reduce/eliminate the amount of stress that my girlfriend seems to have with me. I’m not entirely sure, but I think the solution to this problem is giving each other more space and being more accommodating towards each other's schedules (though, please offer any advice if you can).

Oftentimes I feel like I am being patient enough to let things go a number of times before I start to bring it up as an issue with the person at hand. I feel like I am being tolerant, but then my tolerance is abused, and when I bring it up as a problem, I feel like my tolerance is unnoticed or forgotten about entirely. The end result? I come across as too critical / picky about little things, which is the last thing I want to be, especially because I have been trying so hard to be tolerant. And strangely enough I find myself agreeing with the sentiment that I am being too critical (a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts).

I have become convinced that the best way to resolve this problem is by being more relaxed and accepting when people do things I don’t like or things don’t go the way I want them to, essentially be more easygoing than I am already. Let people figure things out for themselves, rather than have me tell them what to fix. Yet I am deeply concerned about developing the “doormat syndrome” and being taken advantage of if I adapt this mentality. I am also concerned about my criticisms losing potency.

What do I do?

Am I being tolerant and assertive enough already? Am I being too nice, or will being more easygoing make things easier? Again, how long do you tolerate an issue until you bring it up as a problem?

Furthermore, how do I express that just because I get annoyed at something once doesn’t mean I’ll get annoyed at it all the time (I just don't want it to be a habit)? I don't want to feel like I'm being too imposing or putting too much pressure on others, but there are obviously times when I need to express myself.

Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

"Oh my, that CD is giving a BJ behind that GD!"

Eleutherios — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 10:46:16 -0800

I need suggestions of places where people tend to behave erratically. For the last few years I have been writing short pieces about funny, disturbing, and unique interactions I have with people. I also do a lot of people watching. The people I write about can be my family, ex-friends, strangers, co-workers, clients...you name it. I've been putting these pieces on livejournal, message boards, and on facebook.

I would like to take the next step and write about my interactions and observations on a blog, and/or submit these writings to someone else's blog or website. Oh, I should specify...more lighthearted stuff, not publishing sociology essays or anything.

The problem is that I am getting tired about the settings I write about. Most of the interactions and observations take place in nightclubs, college parties, stores in bad areas, and at church. Well, I'm 28 now, and am getting tired of the clubbing scene. I'm not in college anymore, so I rarely rarely go to college parties. I went to college in a pretty bad area, since I graduated I have no reason to be around that area, plus it's not that safe. I no longer go to church.

Another issue, the internet is saturated with people writing about their experiences in nightclubs and at college parties. Think Hot Chicks with Douchebags and College Humor. The internet is also saturated with stories and images about stores in run down areas or stores affliated with "run down" people. Think People of Walmart. Plus with the latter setting, there can some class sensitivity issues. I want to avoid that.

On the other hand, my interest in interacting with and observing people behaving erratically has not changed at all, I just want to change the settings. I want to know where people are known to get into fist fights? where people dress awfully? where people break out into loud arguments? where people try to sell you all kinds of crazy stuff? where theft is so bad, people would steal the bars out of windows to sell it as scrap metal? smoke anything? where random strangers will tell you stories about fucked up things they've done in their life? where people exchange sexual favors, where there are sights of nudity? where people have unusual rides? Pretty much anywhere or any event where people behave like a hot mess of a trainwreck.

I am asking where I can find such places that has such people.

Sites for finding lost person?

Tullyogallaghan — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 17:41:28 -0800

My family has lost touch with my oldest brother. He is retired and reclusive by nature but we would still like to know where he is living. The last thing we know is that he sold his home in California some time in 2009 and then seems to have disappeared. He may have moved out of the country as I can imagine he wasn't very happy with the Obama election and he had mentioned in the past his desire to move away from the U.S. either to Ireland or Buenos Aires. Can anyone suggest a few good "finder" sites, hopefully free or nominally priced?

books? why do you need books?

fifilaru — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 21:02:27 -0800

Library of the future? I run a small community college library (70,000 books, budget after salaries of $150,000). The college is part of a large state university system. Our chancellor is convinced that within the next five years or so all of the books at the Library of Congress will be digitized and online for free. He wants a plan for the library about how we will deal with the coming digital revolution. He asked me what I am going to do with all the room once I get rid of the books in a few years.

Our library is pretty good with technology. We have 20 new or newish computers for students to use, loan Kindles, have Blu-ray DVD players and large HD televisions. In addition to the physical, collection (70K books) we have access to large article and e-book databases.

Can anyone direct me to studies of the libraries of the future? Does anyone have any ideas what I should tell him? I am very good at putting things together and creating impressive reports. I am just having a bit a a problem wrapping my mind around this.

How can I filter out the bad and still hear the good?

Anonymous — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 07:12:14 -0800

How can I develop a thicker skin in my role as a public performer? I am an adult male and work in a creative industry, one where everything about me pretty much is "out there" for people to critique. I'm not famous, but I'm known of.

But I find it hard to handle some of the bile that comes my way.

I need to clarify, I can always take constructive criticism. Sure, sometimes it may sting a little bit, but I'm happy to receive it because I want to continue to hone my craft and be the best I can be at what I do.

However there are times when I will get these random pieces of hate, be it that someone e-mails me that it's been posted online, in an iTunes review of my work, etc. and it really, really bothers me.

I mean, often times these are personal attacks that aren't about the work but about me as a person. Other times they're presumably about the work but are just so hate filled that I can't think there's not something else going on.

My field is very competitive, and while I try to be the "good guy" never tearing others down to push myself up, my competition isn't so high-minded and I find all these little ways they go about trying to undermine my work (and it's not paranoia here, it's documented and agreed upon by many, many people I know).

While I have received thousands of compliments on my work, either via e-mail or in person, each one of these really harsh character assassinations undermines them all, and makes me think "screw it, I'm just gonna pull the plug" and go back to having a normal life outside of the public eye and without these hateful competitions going on.

But I enjoy what I do, and many people tell me I'm good at it...so how can I let these negative things roll off my back, instead of ruining my day? (Actually one really harsh attack can ruin my mood for several days...)

Is she being honest/Should I give up?

plungerjoke — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 10:25:59 -0800

Is she being honest/should I give up (online dating related)? Brief Backstory:
I met this woman from OKcupid a couple weeks ago, and I'd say we hit it off pretty well. She was choosing to sit very close to me, some casual touching, etc. etc. etc.. Anyways, we went out the first night just for a few drinks, and she ended up telling me the next day was her birthday and she wasn't doing anything for it. Being the gentleman I am, I asked her if she would like to go out to dinner. We went out, I paid, there was a tender end of the night kiss (just establishing that this was definitely a date).

After that, we didn't talk for a few days. She was busy the night that I asked her to do something again, and we made plans to go to a show the following week. She had been being less "respondy" with text messages, so I called to make sure she was still going to the show the night before it. We had a flirtatious phone conversation, and she was still up for going to the show (excited about it, even).

The next night, she called me and informed me that her aunt had died and she needed to head back home (a couple hours away), so she wouldn't be able to go. I asked if she would like to do something another time, and she sounded very enthused about the idea, and said she would get in touch with me THIS current week.

I want to believe that she is being honest, but I also don't want to set myself up for further disappointment. Is this dating situation something I should still be hopeful about, or should I have given up by now? Also, if she does not contact me this week, should I try again, or call it quits? Thank you for your kind responses.

Where to find party ambience (chatter, laughing etc.) sound recording?

neworder7 — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 19:04:00 -0800

I am looking for a sound recording of a party ambience where many people are chatting, laughing - the kind of sound where you would expect to hear in a party, maybe about 15 minutes long. I found a good example of what I am looking for here . Except this sound sample is too short for me, I am looking for something like this one at least 15 minutes long. So when it repeats it is not easy to detect that it is looping. Excerpts from movies would be fine, if there are commercially available material I am prepared to make a purchase.

The reason I am looking for such recording is a long story. Here I try to explain:
I live in a noisy apartment, I get to hear people partying in their balconies. I used earplugs which helps but, the problem with earplugs is that I became more and more sensitive to noise. Because of this, I developed an irrational dislike towards sound that even low volume social chatter frustrates me.

The other day I read about Tinnitus Retraining Therapy where patients are made listen to random sounds similar to what they hear in their head so that patients perception of tinnitus is identified as "background" sound so ceases to be a problem. You can read about this therapy here which is a very good concise article that describes the how therapy works well.

It is also suggested that similar therapy might be useful for people with "misohponia" (dislike of certain sounds)

Some people may suggest just to move from where I live, they are absolutely right, I have considered that, but noise has always been a problem for me and I'd like to give this a try first, see if I can overcome myself (or end up in mad house because of this self experiment :) )

Your comments on my approach to resolve this problem is also welcome.

Thank you

From Awful to Awesome

divabat — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 15:25:50 -0800

Are there any stories of people notable/talented/successful in their field who started out being completely crap? Most of the "roads to success" stories I've read involve the person having some form of latent talent at the beginning, or actually having talent but not being appreciated for it. But has there been anyone who was or is currently successful at something that started out being really really bad?

A sportsperson who was a total couch potato and could hardly run, or a painter that couldn't grasp technique, or a dancer that kept stumbling. But through effort and persistence they broke through and became a star.

Any stories along those lines?

Meeting people?

yarrr — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 17:49:43 -0800

How do I meet people in this somewhat unique situation? I know this has been addressed over and over, and all over google, but I like to think my situation is somewhat unique. It probably isnt! I am essentially at a loss. I'm a 22 year old guy and frankly I feel lost.

Me: 22, no college education. Recently out of a relationship, which lasted 6+ years and all my friends are tied to essentially.

Great - so just go out and meet people, right? Not entirely. I work on a military base job-wise. My entire peer group there is easily 20+ years over me, all have families, etc - theyre at a different point in their life.

With that said, where I live is also basically on top of said military base, and well - in all honesty, there is not much of a social scene around here in my observation.

Any suggestions where to turn? I've tried to find dance classes, tried the two shitty bars we've got here, and tried to find people on meetup.com

Dont get me wrong, its not a small town either, but it is all military families and thats about it, leaving me in an awkward spot.

Blogs with the same feeling as This American Life?

salvia — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 10:20:20 -0800

I'm looking for blogs about psychology, storytelling, emotions, why people do the things they do, the human condition, or just good blogs with people's stories. I've been finding some good stuff in this past AskMe. (For example, this blog would be great, if it were still active.) Is there more out there? They can be funny, curious and thoughtful, analytical, whatever, so long as what they're really about is what makes people tick. (In case this question is too vague, my past book questions are asking for similar stuff.)

Basically, I'd like to spend the bus ride home from work every day shifting out of "to do" list mode and remembering what it's like to be a human being.

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

sciencemandan — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 12:32:18 -0800

How can I sharpen my skills in photographing people? I am in medical school right now and am strongly leaning toward a career in tropical medicine. I also really enjoy photography, but I haven't had much experience photographing people and I am interested in learning more.

What resources or equipment would you recommend to better learn the art of taking portraits? What other things must I consider when taking photos of people (e.g. ethical, cultural, and legal considerations)?

How to make friends online

Anonymous — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 13:23:08 -0800

How does one make friends on an online dating site? I just moved back to the NYC/NJ area after graduating from college this spring. I don't have any friends here--the one friend I had from high school is now a med student in Southern California--and I'd really like to change that. Unfortunately, making friends isn't easy for me because I have Asperger's and social anxiety disorder. It's incredibly difficult for me to just go to someone's party or a bar and meet people there--I just don't know how.

So I try to find other ways to do it. I much prefer meeting someone online first then seeing them IRL, and also structured things like stuff on Meetup.com, but that's proving difficult in this case: with the Meetups, the event either conflicts with my schedule or is so pricey that I can't afford it at the time (I'm working part-time rather than full-time because of the economy, so budget-friendly activities are a huge plus). As for the online front, I'm not that active on any internet bulletin boards, a lot of my LJ friends don't live in the area, and I've tried the strictly platonic section of Craigslist, with very mixed results.

I've heard a lot of great things about OKCupid, both for finding friends and romantic partners, and so I'd like to try there. Thing is, I have tried OKC in the past for both myself, and it didn't quite work out--I rarely got any responses from people, and when I did, it never really came to a real-life meeting. In addition, while it was easy for me to message people if I was interested in getting to know them romantically, getting to know them just platonically was difficult, especially if that person was a female (I'm also a girl, and I don't swing that way). I just didn't know how to do it without being afraid that the person at the other end would get the wrong idea. I simply didn't know how to say I was only interested platonically through a site primarily geared towards romance.

I'd still like to give it another go, though. Has anyone had any success finding friends on OKC? What did you do and how did you do it? Any profile tips (mine needs a lot of work)?

Baby Boy Names? Help!

Bueller — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 13:18:52 -0800

Baby Name Block: I'm pregnant with my third boy. I'm so totally out of boy names it isn't even funny. I have a total block. Help me get inspired by participating in this exercise. Okay, so I'd rather have the name mean something to me rather than just "sound nice" although of course that is a factor. Picking random names from baby name books/sites is doing nothing for me. I need more.

So, tell me stories about a person who inspires you or touched your life in some way. It can be a real life person, a person in history, a fictional or mythical person, etc. I won't rule out women, but lets just say I doubt I'd be naming my boy "Sue" but if you think a woman's name might work, well, okay.

I'm looking for something that might touch me or mean something to me or seem to suit my situation with this kid. Maybe you can plant a seed (or a whole tree) in my head with a meaningful story of a special someone who means something to you. Go for it!

What music video did I watch?

dcams — Sun, 16 Aug 2009 20:25:35 -0800

I saw a music video recently with a gigantic white guy and black guy walking around what I think is New York City. The music was hip hop with some pop. Unfortunately those are all the details I can remember. Any ideas?

List of forms of communication?

Jebdm — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 20:50:48 -0800

I'm trying to make an large/exhaustive list of different types of human communication, especially (but not at all limited to) the digital variety. Help me out? This is some general research for an essay I intend to write in the future. I'm open to communications of any type, from things like blogs and email, to speech and sign language, to markets and finger painting.

I've started some lists below, divided into three rough categories (digital, traditional, and abstract). Feel free to categorize or not, to post links to external lists (my Google-fu has failed me), to offer ideas for new forms of communication, etc.

Digital:
Email, instant message, blog, comments, aggregation sites (HN/Metafilter/etc.), standard websites, wikis, Google Wave, Youtube/video, podcasting, forums, mailing lists, tumblogs, images (Flickr etc.), web-fax, social bookmarking, newsgroups

Traditional:
Speech, sign language, letters, phone, mail, fax, books, magazines, pamphlets, essays, poetry, textbooks, fiction, TV, movies, meetings, signs, paintings, music, radio, Morse code, notes, memos, speeches, lecture

Abstract:
Sex, markets, body language, tone of voice, war, Galbraith's technostructure, status symbols,

The art of making people really, really happy?

TheOtherSide — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 17:56:30 -0800

How does one build one's skills to become a world-class technical evangelist? In a few weeks I'll be getting a new job. The company, people, and work will be awesome. However, I will be moving into a entirely new type of role.

I'll be making a transition to a mostly people-facing role from a mostly non-people-facing role, and I'd like a jump start. For years I've worked as a technical manager. Before that I'd worked as a technical lead and the typical code-in-the-cube, nose-in-the-book software developer. Although decent, my people skills could use a huge boost.

This new position will be 25% team-management, and 75% stakeholder-management. This means I'll be giving a lot of conference talks, holding a lot of after work business meetings, going out for drinks and dinner, getting the right people together in the right place, and trying to woo the stakeholder community and leaving an awesome impression.

I need tips that will make this transition easiest. What are the books, magazines, blogs or people that I should be following? What types of skills should I be practicing? How do I get comfortable with making other people really comfortable? How do I become an expert facilitator to high-end people (Phds, CTOs, Government leaders)?

I've watched others in similar positions before and they seem really good at telling stories, making light humor, and engaging people. How do I practice this?

How to contact Iranians

Galen — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 00:16:15 -0800

Is there an online white pages for Iran? A friend of mine started greencandle.org. He wants to link to a white pages like directory for Iran. However, we can't find one, no matter how much we google.

Any suggestions? Do any of you from Iran or who've traveled there remember an Iranian version of white pages online?

Positive interaction careers?

Picklegnome — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 21:14:10 -0800

Although I've always considered myself somewhat misanthropic, I've been finding more and more that I'm stimulated by higher-level or professional interaction with others. What professions might give that stimulus, that aren't predominately negative (i.e. inbound customer service calls, police work, or criminal defense lawyering)?

How do I act tough on the street?

wastelands — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 19:10:05 -0800

How do I reduce the amount I'm threatened on the street in an urban environment? I am a tall, young male, but about one a month on average, I get hassled by people on the street. No one has outright attacked me, but enough people "test" me by blocking my way, lunging at me (pretending to attack), yell at me and challenge me, etc. that it bothers me and makes me nervous.

I'm not so much interested in "how to defend my self"; there's plenty of that kind of material out there. I'm interested in how to not look so weak and nervous -- how to head off attacks before they even begin by projecting a tougher attitude.

For me personally:

* I definitely have some agoraphobia; I feel uneasy when first going out, especially after being cooped up for awhile. I tend to be a hermit on weekends and evenings unless I have something social planned or the weather's especially nice
* I wear glasses (i.e. nerd association)
* I dress nicely, yet sometimes walk through areas that have street people who probably resent the fact that I have money
* I enjoy walking fast, just naturally, but maybe that can be interpreted as being afraid.
* I'm bad at making eye contact

But I hope this thread is useful for people in general who live in rough areas, so please, any general tips are great too.

Things I'm doing or plan to do:

* I am trying to not look down at the ground so much, trying to look straight ahead more
* I really want to get into better shape and join an MMA gym (not just for self-defense, but because martial arts is fun for me, just haven't done it in ages)
* I'm trying to stand up taller and not slouch or hunch my shoulders so much
* Eventually want to get contacts, to look less nerdy and just because glasses are a PITA sometimes

Thanks!

People are Stupid?

the NATURAL — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 19:14:15 -0800

Social Filter: Do I have a problem? (long alert) I consider myself to be a little smarter than the average person. My parents raised me with a normal, not-maladjusted, not-extreme sense of right and wrong (no Dexter). I feel like I'm more open to ideas and people than most other people, if a little less extroverted and more introverted.

Now, with that being said, I dislike almost everyone I meet, and find many people to be stupid, self-centered, self-serving, and generally inconsiderate. Do I have a perspective problem, or is this just life?

I say hi to amiable bus drivers. Talk to nice janitors. Make jokes with strangers, when the mood strikes me. I feel that I'm at least as nice -- if not nicer -- than most people to customer service representatives and service industry employees.

Growing up in a small (55k) town in Hawaii, I don't feel like I had my "problem." By and large I liked the people around me in town, everyone was nice (small town bias, I know), and I looked up to everyone -- I was moved ahead in third grade, so I was always among kids who were older and more mature than I was, and they gave me loads of shit. I didn't react too negatively (I have no jail record, there's no literal skeletons in my closet/backyard, I still run with my old small circle of friends from high school when I'm in town).

When I graduated and attended an Ivy League school, I found the vast majority of people that I met to be disgustingly selfish and inconsiderate. The people that I met were constantly looking for a leg up on other people, and were overly concerned with status, the perks of status, the corporate ladder, and grades. The school was full of weasels. My one good friend from college (other than my girlfriend) is a jolly North Carolinian who is completely unpretentious and frank -- and hilariously freewheeling, almost to the point of self-destructiveness. My girlfriend (who, by school standards, is successful but also disillusioned with school) convinced me that the real world, while not as cheery and rose-colored as people who love life would have me believe, was not represented by the slice of people in school.

Now, four months removed from graduating, I hate my (temporary) job working in the State Legislature. My employer, a state representative, is narcissistic, an incompetent manager, and mildly bigoted (which gets passed off as humor). People around the capitol are, by and large, rude, inconsiderate, vapid, and stupid... and it drives me crazy.

One thing in particular: one of my job capacities, as the unofficial receptionist of the office, is to greet people that enter the office. Representatives from organizations defer to me, and we talk; people visiting the office to visit my longer-tenured coworkers ignore anything I say/greet them with (good morning, etc.), looking past me and walking past my cubicle like I'm not there... it drives me crazy.

As weird as it sounds, I feel like the strangers I happen to like the best are the ones that I know from playing pick-up basketball or surfing -- which is completely dumb.

I don't feel like I hate life. I know that I'm exceptionally blessed for a number of things -- to have been born in a First World country, to have college-educated middle-class parents raise me together, to have been lucky to do well in school and attend college. There's a lot to be thankful for. I'm happy to be alive and to experience things.

Now, with that being said, what's my problem? And how can I correct it?

Now just add the parmesan cheese solution..

Pants! — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 22:08:32 -0800

Miko says: I've seen a lot of similar "SCIENCE!" tricks done at the bar. In fact, I've known some bartenders who collected them and mastered them in order to perform for customers and thereby increase their tips and build their crowd. One of the most wonderful nights I ever had working was when a group of Navy engineers... What other "SCIENCE!" tricks do you know along these lines? For the purposes of this question, assume a very broad definition of science.

How to curb the degree of loneliness?

LilSoulBrother85 — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 06:55:00 -0800

What to do when the degree of lonliness is too much? I am in a long distance relationship which is starting to get to me. I'm trying to make friends here but it's very hard to do in the DC metro area. Do you guys have any suggestion in keeping one occupied? I am gay male in a long distance relationship with a boyfriend. He lives in the west coast and I live in the east coast which makes calling each other a pain the behind.

He left November 2008 and I was strong until late January 2009. His absent started to get to me and made the weekends frustratingly lonely.

I've met one person online as friends but it did not work out because of conflicting world views. I met another person recently through CL and he seems like a nice person. However, he has lived here all his life and has more friends and obligations.

Also, I've befriended my roommate (I live with three other people) and his girlfriend, but I tread carefully not to be their third wheel.

Basically, I'm at the point of frustration of the rut I'm in. I don't want to appear desperate, but at the same time I don't want act like I don't need company. My boyfriend is constantly worried about me which I wish he wouldn't because he has a tough work schedule.

I swear I'm not anti-social.

Anonymous — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 09:48:38 -0800

Is moving in with a friend always a bad idea? Are some people just better suited to live by themselves? A friend asked to be roommates for the coming school year. This is a person I get along with rather well and share the same interests in. If I had to have a roommate, this is probably the ideal person to go with. I currently live by myself in a one-bedroom apartment. Rent is $1200 in a college community, so splitting this half ways would be a real financial benefit to me.

The issue is whether or not this is a good idea for the friendship and for my living preferences. The first year I went off to school, I did the residence hall thing and ended up with a dud of a roommate which soured me on the idea of living with someone else when I did get an apartment. Also, as with most people, I like having my own space when I come home and just want to relax after work/school.

As for the friendship, I've heard quite a few horror stories about friends who become anything but once they live together. Am I making this out to be a bigger deal than it should be? I'd really hate to lose a friend over something like this that is purely voluntary. Again, I'm not terribly particular about my living situation, but I can't decide whether the giving up some space and freedom is outweighed by halving my expense (which again, would be really really great).

Like most major life decisions, I think it's best to outsource it to the brain-ey MeFites. Past experiences and general advice for both outcomes are welcome.

oneeighthundredauntbunny

auntbunny — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 06:23:28 -0800

At my usually super-quiet night job, I've been approached by two suicidal-talking strangers in the past week and a half. It seems likely to happen again and I'd like to find some kind of basic training for what to say and do. I'm in NC. mefimail if you'd like. thanks.