I grew up in a lower-middle-class family. Through a combination of hard work, opportunity and luck, I find myself in my 30's with a very decent net worth. It's enough to allow me to feel very secure about retirement, job/career changes, health issues, supporting family, etc. and this security is probably the most important aspect of money to me. For me, money means security, safety, freedom. I maintain a very middle-class lifestyle, continue to work full-time and save at a reasonable rate.
I've started to realize how much this factors into my thinking about long term relationships, especially marriage (and its attendant family joining) and financial co-mingling, and am looking for some perspectives on positive ways of managing these kinds of issues.
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posted by anonymous
on Apr 27, 2013 -
21 answers
So, I'm with this guy, and we hope to spend the rest of our lives together. I'm a Millennial saver* and he's a Gen X spender. He has a middle class income (around 40k), and I make half of that. When it comes to our arguments, it may also be of relevance that he's a human and I'm more of a Vulcan. How do we reconcile our opposing viewpoints about finances, trust, and gadgets?
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posted by anonymous
on Apr 11, 2013 -
60 answers
My main squeeze is moving in! Our finances are starting to be a little more comingled and I'm looking for the best, healthiest way to start having a regular "money check-in" as part of our new life together. He is on board with this. How do we structure the conversation? Is there a sample agenda? Do we make it a date night? Help, please.
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posted by amoeba
on Mar 26, 2013 -
12 answers
Really, I'm NOT a princess. Successfully navigating the living style/lifestyle differences in the beginning of a relationships. How?
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posted by BlueMartini7
on Jul 8, 2012 -
30 answers
Husband's mental health problems led him to compulsively spend over £27,000 (about $44,000) while I supported both of us for three years. I know he'll work hard on therapy, but I don't know if I should divorce him. Should I try and forgive? [warning, long!]
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posted by TriparteGoddess
on Apr 29, 2012 -
62 answers
Doubts after a breakup: hit me with that frying pan one more time and I might actually get it.
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posted by anonymous
on Mar 16, 2012 -
43 answers
I've realized there's a hole in my new-relationship toolkit, and it has to do with money - specifically, substantial income imbalances.
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posted by anonymous
on Mar 4, 2012 -
26 answers
Recently, I said some harsh things to an ex whom until recently I had remained very good friends with. These things had been boiling inside me for months and I had to say them at this point. However, ever since I said them, she has disappeared from her online profiles (which she updated multiple times every day), I have no way of contacting her, and I'm worried. Obviously there's a lot going on, and some of it may be serious.
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posted by marriedtotacos
on Dec 18, 2011 -
33 answers
My mother has given me the go-ahead to spend all the family money I need to help attract a nice girlfriend. What are some fun things I can do?
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posted by mnop
on Sep 20, 2011 -
76 answers
My boyfriend wants to help with my finances. I've always prided myself on being financially independent, but as of late, I REALLY need some help. How do I handle this?
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posted by anonymous
on Jun 8, 2011 -
33 answers
My partner, who is poor, has lost part of her source of income. I found out through very gentle prying she has no back-up, and I can easily afford to help her. I would like to do that without creating power asymmetry.
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posted by anonymous
on Oct 13, 2010 -
13 answers
The thought of planning a wedding makes me (female, mid-twenties) want to break out into hives. Problem: my (male, mid-twenties) partner LOVES weddings and desperately wants one. HELP!
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posted by anonymous
on Oct 13, 2010 -
40 answers
I should probably talk to a therapist, but what can I do ON MY OWN regarding general distaste for my life complicated by apathetic depression? Wall of text inside.
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posted by anonymous
on Aug 20, 2010 -
19 answers
Is borrowing money early in a relationship out of line? How do I set boundaries and determine if I am definitely being taken advantage of?
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posted by anonymous
on Aug 7, 2010 -
12 answers
My uncle has cancer...allegedly, and our family members are rallying together to help him. How can I give without feeling like a sucker?
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posted by stedman15
on Jul 19, 2010 -
11 answers
I blew $20,000 of my parents' money in a decision that I've admitted to them was the most unforgivable, shameful thing I've ever done. How do I make this right?
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posted by gacxllr9
on Jun 11, 2010 -
88 answers
My boyfriend feels he can't trust me. I want him to, and I want to make things work, but we need to break this pattern. What now?
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posted by anonymous
on May 11, 2010 -
26 answers
RelationshipFilter: After about a year of dating weirdos and loons, I met someone really neat. The problem: He's unemployed. Has been for a while. We've been dating for several months, and it's getting to the point at which I'm realizing that I really dig him. He seems to be pretty irresponsible, which makes me anxious. Is this relationship doomed?
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posted by kittenplease
on May 7, 2010 -
33 answers
I'm stuck. I'm 25, and I moved to Brooklyn 6 months ago with my girlfriend of 8 years. The plan was that I'd find a better job when we moved here, but I haven't been able to get one. Now my girlfriend is going to leave, and I don't know what to do.
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posted by anonymous
on Mar 12, 2010 -
37 answers
I got a great job across the country and I’m planning to take it. The question is if my fiancé should leave his current job to relocate with me or wait until he has a new job lined up to move.
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posted by watch out for turtles
on Feb 15, 2010 -
7 answers
Best credit cards to earn travel reward points within the US so I can visit my beloved frequently?
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posted by mlo
on Jan 10, 2010 -
11 answers
I'm closing the family bank/charity. What do I say when the next sibling asks for a "loan"?
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posted by sfkiddo
on Dec 26, 2009 -
29 answers
How do I get my car back? It's still in my ex'es name. I've been giving her $$ for insurance and have been making the payments on it since 2003. I live across the country now and she ignores all my requests to do anything about transferring the title/policy, etc.
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posted by otis24
on Feb 20, 2009 -
7 answers
I have a bit of a dilemma. I dated this guy last year, and he introduced me to a friend in order to get him hired at my company. Flash forward to now, and he's finally been hired, and a referral bonus is coming my way. More deets inside, natch.
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posted by anonymous
on Apr 15, 2008 -
69 answers
My fiancé and I are considering getting a joint credit card and I had a few questions about it.
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posted by ml98tu
on Feb 11, 2008 -
6 answers
My husband of five months and I have different attitudes towards money. He’s more money conscious that I am, at least, that’s what he calls it. I think of his “money-consciousness” as a cross between minor cheapness and money obsession. I am right now at a crossroads in the relationship and I don’t know how to solve it or whether I should even continue it.
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posted by anonymous
on Feb 8, 2008 -
56 answers
My boyfriend is bad with money. I knew this when I met him, and for the first year or so of our relationship it was mostly one of his more grating personality quirks, nothing truly irritating and definitely not a dealbreaker. At the time my attitude was that as long as it didn't affect me, as long as he wasn't asking for help, and as long as his poor decisions didn't render him homeless or hungry, it wasn't my problem. Except now it is.
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posted by chichimimizu
on Aug 19, 2007 -
98 answers
I am a little confused regarding the shared economics of a long term serious relationship; specifically, how it relates to gift giving.
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posted by anonymous
on Jul 9, 2006 -
28 answers
I make more money than my boyfriend. Normally this isn't a big deal, and has pretty much never come into play in our relationship (we've been together over a year). But lately he's been broke (his work's dependent on the weather, which has been crappy lately and so he hasn't been able to work much, thru no fault of his own). I'm in a position to help, but the situation seems rather delicate. Thoughts about how to proceed?
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posted by anonymous
on Apr 17, 2006 -
26 answers
After reading
this thread, a similar question came to mind. I have always been raised with the notion that you pay a girl's way as a gentleman, but as a student (and a poor one at that) this is often not entirely possible. My current girlfriend makes
far more money than I do acting and modeling, and so she pays for the vast majority of our 'go out' experiences. This was fine for the first few months, but it's been over a year now and I feel like it somehow emasculates me to be taken out to dinner on a regular basis by my girlfriend. I know this seems sexist, but in all honesty I would love to just be able to pay my way (half) and not feel guilty/less-of-a-man. At times this feeling has gotten to the point that we've fought about what she can buy me, because of the way it makes me feel indebted (although she never holds it above me in any way). I do feel, though, that she uses her ability to buy me things as a way to make herself indispensable, to ensure I would never find 'anything better'. Should I tell her to stop taking me out and buying me extravagant gifts I can never repay (she took me to Amsterdam for my 21st birthday, for example), or just realize I'm the luckiest man in the world and stop bitching?
Somehow I suspect the latter...
posted by anonymous
on Feb 6, 2005 -
31 answers
