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How can you recognize a secure person if you’re insecure?

Am I ruining a great relationship with my anxiety or am I anxious because my relationship is not great? Is there a way to tell the difference between irrational anxiety and alarm bells? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 20, 2014 - 9 answers

I want you like a penguin..in canvas

Looking for prints of animals clearly in love or displaying "love" that I can buy, frame, and hang on my wall [more inside]
posted by lpcxa0 on Jul 18, 2014 - 4 answers

Love songs for married couples?

Songs about long-term, developed love - not butterflies. [more inside]
posted by ohsnapdragon on Jul 11, 2014 - 77 answers

How to deal with cards I have been dealt?

I was always a very high achiever but in my late teens, I was diagnosed with a debilitating chronic illness. I spent most of my 20s severely limited. In my mid 30s now and still struggling with the feeling that life is unfair. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 30, 2014 - 16 answers

Who am I and why should I matter to a boss, a boyfriend, or a friend?

What methods would you recommend to someone looking to develop a sense of self and a more accurate sense of their own value if they've spent most of their life defining themselves and their worth through their grades, their job, and their partner? [more inside]
posted by Hermione Granger on Jun 28, 2014 - 21 answers

I'm PRETTY sure I'm gay. Help me be okay with it.

I've always known I was a little different. I have trouble remembering things from my relatively normal childhood, so it took until high school to connect the few dots I had, but after I did that, I relished in the attraction I felt for certain other men. It was exciting and made me feel as though I was part of a community with a common story. I grew up with conservative parents who I haven't been able to tell but who I suspect have an inkling, given the things they found left open on my teenage computer and my shy, sensitive nature. I was fine with not making it a part of my identity and limited its sphere of influence to my taste in porn and online friendships. I never felt the need for a relationship- with women or men- but I enjoyed the way validation from "manly" men made me feel both emotionally and physically. [more inside]
posted by marsbar77 on Jun 26, 2014 - 29 answers

He keeps on flaking.

Today he forgot about our date, and i am really upset because it shows that he doesn't like me right? I would love to see him more regularly, but it isn't happening. At the beginning of our relationship we were both a bit nervous and getting to know eachother, but the last couple of times have been great and we really connected on a deeper level, which is why i still want to see him, but not sure if it is worth it if he flakes. Details inside. [more inside]
posted by aivilo91 on Jun 21, 2014 - 48 answers

How to evaluate news from acquaintance that partner is cheating&on drugs

I have a relationship and thought it was solid. Today my partner's former best friend and current room-mate contacted me to advise my partner has been cheating from the start of the relationship with random people met online. Also, partner has a $100 a day drug habit and is stealing from the elderly mother. Details and specific questions inside. [more inside]
posted by partly squamous and partly rugose on Jun 18, 2014 - 37 answers

It's a bad time...but when is it ever a good time?

I'm coming to realize that my partner is seriously abusing alcohol (and being cavalier about other substances) just as he's embarking on an existential crisis following a messy legal situation (finalizing a divorce that's 2+ years in the making). The relationship needs work; he needs work; hell, I might need work; but he's got a lot on his plate and I can't really pile on. I have kind of lost sight of what is reasonable here, and could use some perspective. [more inside]
posted by magdalemon on Jun 18, 2014 - 30 answers

Trying to find a quote from Gone with the Wind

I'm trying to find an excerpt/quote from Gone with the Wind (the movie). Someone (I think Rhett but I'm not sure) is criticizing Ashley (to his face? behind his back? can't remember) for being unfair to both Scarlett and Melanie. I thought it was along the lines of Ashley being too weak to either love her properly or give her up properly. Help? [more inside]
posted by Salamandrous on Jun 14, 2014 - 4 answers

How can I stop looking at websites that just make me upset?

I can't stop reading PUA websites even though they make me unhappy, and I'm not sure how to deal with the effects it's having on me. [more inside]
posted by aivilo91 on Jun 9, 2014 - 45 answers

I have *the feels* for a boy that I made friends with.

We met as travelers on the Greyhound bus and developed a platonic friendship. I like him so much though. And he may have a girlfriend. Should I just let it go? [more inside]
posted by winterportage on Jun 8, 2014 - 20 answers

Socially awkward human seeks advice on friendship.

A while back, my friend sent me a message confessing his love for me. Awesome, right? Not so much. I failed to reply because I am a socially awkward human being and it was overwhelming at the time and now he has stopped speaking to me entirely. I'm not sure how to fix this, and honestly, I'm not sure if I even want to. [more inside]
posted by sarahgrace on Jun 7, 2014 - 19 answers

Help me stop becoming a man-hater/bitter ice queen

I used to be a soft, sensitive, hopeful young woman but too many knocks is making me feel hard, and it shows. I am too young to feel this way, help me figure out new thought processes to prevent this from getting worse. [more inside]
posted by DeadFlagBlues on Jun 6, 2014 - 21 answers

International dating- help me stay safe in worst case scenario

I am currently involved in a sexual/dating/subculture where international meetings are normal. Most recently, men have met me in my city and then we have planned a trip later.... And I have had a fab time with these men- they have been great fun! I am okay with meeting men for dinner in Oslo, London or Stockholm..... I have no problem hopping on a plane and meeting a man, spending a few days with him and nipping back home... but I cannot figure out how to make sure that my flight home is paid for- if something doesn't work out. Is there any way to have your flights and hotel paid for, in a way that the host can not just cancel on you if you refuse to have sex with them?
posted by misspony on Jun 4, 2014 - 27 answers

What, specifically changes as your relationship goes on?

OK people who have been in long term relationships (for our purposes 5 or more years, but the more years the better): How did/has your relationship change/d over time? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 29, 2014 - 11 answers

Boyfriend's ex is seriously ill

My boyfriend's ex has leukemia. While she could recover if her bone marrow transplant is successful, there is a strong possibility that she could die. My boyfriend is very sad about her illness. This seems completely natural, and I want to be supportive. But at the same time, I am uncomfortable with what he has told me about his feelings. Are these feelings romantic? If not, how can I support him? [more inside]
posted by Triscuitier on May 27, 2014 - 40 answers

Good Movies About Couples in Love

Looking for some good, non-sappy movies about married (hetero) couples in committed, loving and devoted relationships - with emphasis on devotion. Not necessarily romance, but authentic, real love between 2 people - even if and when TSHTF. They stick through it all because they have each other's back. [more inside]
posted by watercarrier on May 22, 2014 - 30 answers

Startled by a tender moment - how much to give in?

For the past two years, I've developed an very stable and satisfying dating style that suits me for the time being - I maintain a certain emotional distance and all of my sexual relations fall very easily in the platonic category - I've thus far avoided any complications. However, I was completely startled when a friend I had expected to sleep with ended up being intensely sweet and now my system is a bit shaken up. I'm not sure how much to give in to this feeling I'm having for him. In a way, I can't remember what's normal to be feeling in these situations. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 18, 2014 - 16 answers

love in complicated times

What are some good movies that follow complicated (but not needlessly miserable) adult relationships in the context of larger social changes or problems? [more inside]
posted by AtoBtoA on May 2, 2014 - 36 answers

How do I know if I am in love "enough" with my partner?

How do I know if I am in love "enough" with my partner? Snowflakery to follow [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 30, 2014 - 26 answers

Should I stay or should I go now?

I’m no longer in love with my fiance and I’m not sure how I should proceed. The complicating factor is our children. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 19, 2014 - 28 answers

How to express love with Saturday Matinee clichés…

In my (D/s) relationship saying “I love you” is totally out of the question. However, expressions of affection and adoration expressing that sentiment are allowed and highly encouraged. In old B&W movies of the 1930’s/40’s I hear phrases like: “In my eyes there’s no man taller” (about a vertically challenged suitor), and “You set the sun, hang the moon and paint the stars"... Sappy, sentimental, campy, corny, kinky (bonus points for kinkified!), and just plain funny phrases that will let someone know that they are "the only duck in my pond" are what I’m after.
posted by goml on Apr 16, 2014 - 18 answers

Save me from my dumb brain

How can I stop thinking about the woman who broke my heart? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 16, 2014 - 15 answers

He's just definitely that into you

What does healthy requited love look like? How do I know if a person Likes Me Back? [more inside]
posted by Sara C. on Apr 9, 2014 - 31 answers

What makes a woman "creepy?"

There's plenty of literature out there about creepy men, "nice guys" and other types of that sort. Where are all the resources for this regarding *women?* Google is only giving me examples like she put [something gross] in my food or she made inappropriate references to getting pregnant. I'm looking for something more subtle. Bonus points if it's aimed toward socially-awkward nerdy types. [more inside]
posted by Autumn on Apr 9, 2014 - 23 answers

He loves me, I love him not

A few days ago my training partner/coach/ friend professed his feelings for me; I don't feel the same way. Help! [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 8, 2014 - 32 answers

How can I let myself be vulnerable in my new relationship?

I think I have some messed up ideas about relationships, that are going to get in the way of me finding true intimacy and being a really good partner to someone. I want to get over these ideas but am terrified that acting in a more authentic and loving way will backfire. Hope me? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 7, 2014 - 8 answers

Who would i hire to research a personal life? Literally.

So I'm trying to figure out who I would hire - theoretically - to do an index or census of a personal life. I want someone who would be able to look at a life (with consent) to study it. The person would follow a subject around to determine core friends/family/contacts on a daily basis and then do research based on relationships. Then they'd objectively drill down into some key data points. - How many of the people in my life up to one relationship away (aka my brother's good friends) are married or single and for how long - How many of my past relationships are single/married and for how long Beyond that maybe some polling on specific questions about the subject from those people. So who am I looking for here? Is it a Private Investigator? A sociologist? A statistician? A life coach? Is there someone in an "I Heart Huckabees" way that you hire to do this sort of thing? Is this already a job or service someone provides and I don't know the name?
posted by rileyray3000 on Apr 7, 2014 - 5 answers

3 year pseudo relationship with ex AFTER breakup. Does he love me?

I met my ex online 4 years ago. We hit it off and started dating shortly after. A mutual breakup occurred about 8 months later due to some arguments we had. He was in love with me during our relationship, but I did not fall in love with him until after we broke up. A couple months after we broke up, we made the brilliant decision that I should become his new roomie. During our time living together we had sex on a regular (weekly+) basis. I dated a bit, but nothing serious. He did not date. We ended up living together, along with his brother, for 2 years. During this time we hung out most days. I moved out about a year ago, but he insisted that I keep the key to his house. We still hang out about once a week and have sex nearly as often. The sex tends to be pretty intense and I know that definitely complicates things. He never expects the sex; he is perfectly fine with me going over just to watch a movie and then leaving. Recently he has been cuddly in bed and that is something new. I usually sleep over after we haven't sex. He still hasn't dated since our breakup 3 years ago. [more inside]
posted by GrapCrap on Apr 7, 2014 - 29 answers

Cant. Seem. To. Move. On.

I'm 30 and female. A year and a half ago I broke up with this guy who I had been with for just as long. I didn't want to break up with him, because I loved him dearly, but I had to because he was treating me so poorly near the end. Ever since we broke up, I've been a semi wreck when it comes to anything romantic. I had an ill-advised rebound with a secret alcoholic followed by a guy who took me for a three month long ride. Meanwhile my ex got back in touch from afar (he lived in another state) this summer and started calling me every night, telling me he loved me and was open to us being together again when I moved to where he lived. But when I actually did move to NY (where he lives) not for him but to start my career in earnest, he abruptly changed his tune. Suddenly he didn't even want to be my friend and couldn't stay in touch. We last spoke a month and a half ago (we've been in very sporadic contact since I moved) and I haven't heard from him since. [more inside]
posted by caseofyou on Mar 30, 2014 - 26 answers

ain't 2 proud 2 beg

I have a wonderful relationship with my boyfriend. We are both mid-thirties; have discussed marriage and kids and are on the same page;we live together; and things are great. Except for one thing - I initiate sex most of the time and want it more. I know the next part is not right, but, me initiating things all of the time makes me feel bad. I know it is a stereotype to expect men to be wanting to have sex more. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 23, 2014 - 9 answers

"Honeymoon phase" wearing off - Destiny or decision?

People keep telling me that my husband and I are still in the "honeymoon phase" and that it will wear off. I disagree, and I think that "honeymoon phase" is a bunch of crap, but maybe I am being naive? Can a couple maintain a level of romance and affection and "in love"-edness throughout their relationship, or must it inevitably fade? I'd love to hear people's experiences, and examples of where they have been able to maintain the "honeymoon" feeling, and where the honeymoon phase ended and why they think that was. [more inside]
posted by PuppetMcSockerson on Mar 21, 2014 - 39 answers

Do I marry/have kids with longterm love if I'm not ready due to career?

I love my partner - we have known each other for over a decade and have been together for over five years. I am in my 30s and he wants to live together/get married and/or start a family. I have insisted we wait due to my graduate school (and later) career struggles. Now we are older and our time frame for children (if not settling down with children in mind later) is diminishing. I don't know the right thing to do - specifics inside... [more inside]
posted by partly squamous and partly rugose on Mar 21, 2014 - 25 answers

How is chammistry formed?

Do you have any tips on how to behave on early dates to increase romantic chemistry? [more inside]
posted by Mr C on Mar 19, 2014 - 29 answers

"I love you" 1) What does it mean? 2) When do you say it? 3) To whom?

I'm curious. What's the normal meaning? What's your meaning? Do you have expectations associated with saying it/what expectations? My details inside. [more inside]
posted by chrysanthemum on Mar 14, 2014 - 24 answers

Lucky shirt.

What are your favorite relatively realistic love poems? Modern poets especially appreciated. [more inside]
posted by woodvine on Mar 10, 2014 - 26 answers

How to discourage an ill-advised marriage without alienating the person?

My partner's 18 year old sister wants to marry her boyfriend of one year. They both live at home with their respective parents, are not planning to pursue post-secondary school, and are financially insecure (she does not work, he works part time). They have recently converted to a fundamentalist version of a new faith, and their plan is to rely on her disabled mother who would lose her benefits by caring for them - the mother is against this but of course loves her daughter. Their religious community is encouraging them (but not offering financial aid). What can we do to support her but not her decision? [more inside]
posted by partly squamous and partly rugose on Mar 9, 2014 - 27 answers

Love songs with dark, disturbing music and lyrics

I am looking for songs about love and/or obsession that feature a creepy / dark / disturbing aesthetic. [more inside]
posted by Noisy Pink Bubbles on Mar 1, 2014 - 78 answers

Head vs. Heart debate: can it work if I am not 'in love' with him?

For just over a year I have been with a guy who is perfect for me on paper. He is sweet, kind, intelligent, hardworking, loves me and would do anything for me... we get on with each other’s families. We share values, interests, friends, ideas about where to go on holiday. But although I care about him a lot I’m not 'in love' with him, and I’m not sure I will ever be. [more inside]
posted by Britchick35 on Mar 1, 2014 - 65 answers

Can You Help Find the Missing Pieces in These Playlists?

I know there are songs I want on these playlists that I'm not remembering, and I'm constantly aware that I have blind spots that may be robbing me of perfect songs. Can you help me attack either issue by looking over one or both playlists then suggesting songs to add? [more inside]
posted by batmonkey on Feb 25, 2014 - 5 answers

How do I work out what to do next, without disrespecting my marriage.

Out of nowhere it seems, I’m considering asking my wife for a divorce and I can’t figure out if its because I met someone else I feel I’d really like to get to know or because I’ve realized that we just aren’t meant to be. Or am I just being a douche for even considering throwing away what I’m confident almost anyone would agree is a marriage to a great woman? Sorry for the long story… My wife is a great person – of course – why would you marry someone you didn’t think this about? The list is huge – she’s smart, funny, empathetic, gets me, is very beautiful and will one day I know make a really wonderful mother. I know most would say all of this about their spouse, but even with rational eyes, the above is true. She has bad points too for sure, but no need to list those off as well. We’ve only been married about 18 months, but together for some time before this. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 17, 2014 - 58 answers

How do you untangle the threads of a beat-up heart?

I'm in the early stages of a relationship with a wonderful woman; it's our second go at this. I'm pretty sure this is love. But my anxiety and depression is holding me back, or making me doubt how I feel, or stopping me from actually expressing how I feel. And I don't know how to navigate this. I don't know whether to push through all these uncertainties or walk away. Help me work it out, mefites. [more inside]
posted by six sided sock on Feb 11, 2014 - 18 answers

Songs for your true love/arch-nemesis.

I'm looking for more love songs with a specific theme - essentially, "You drive me fucking crazy and sometimes I want to throttle you and we're both kind of fucked up AND ALSO I love you more than anything and need you more than air and think you're the best person ever." [more inside]
posted by DulcineaX on Feb 7, 2014 - 46 answers

Small Valentine's gestures, not too corny, delivered sneakily

Ideas needed for a low-key sneak attack expression of "I'm glad you're in my life and I adore you, even if this holiday is for the birds (according to you)"? I expect no reciprocation (really) other than verbal acknowledgment + kisses. This relationship is good--fabulous, really--but scheduling/logistics and his stubbornness against "Hallmark holidays" mean that Valentine's will likely pass unmentioned. And yet...I love any excuse to do something special with/for him, so I'd like to leave something sweet on his doorstep. [more inside]
posted by magdalemon on Feb 5, 2014 - 27 answers

What is love, anyway?

I am in love with a man who claims that he cannot feel love, that he does not know what it is and I want to figure out whether to stay with him in the casual/open/this-will-one-day-end romantic relationship we are in now, to cut that off entirely and just try to be friends, or to go all in and try to forge a long term bond and hope that he will one day feel love. [more inside]
posted by telomere on Jan 31, 2014 - 59 answers

I feel like I’m not good enough. How can I battle my depression

I’m a 25 year old female and have been going through a lot of depression over the past year, mostly in the areas of finance and romance. [more inside]
posted by summertimesadness1988 on Jan 25, 2014 - 19 answers

What's the line between having needs and being needy?

I recently married the love of my life after dating for a year. He's a good man, really kind, wonderful to my kids and sweet to me. I don't want to screw it up but I'm also getting tired of being on my best behavior. [more inside]
posted by Lizlemondrop on Jan 22, 2014 - 31 answers

Conscious Pop Music Hits of 2012-2014 for Play-List, Suggestions Needed

"Same Love" by Macklemore is the epitome of a conscious (social, environmental justice) pop music song that has been a hit over the past two years. I'm looking for others to create a playlist - pop music songs that have been hits with a socially environmentally conscious message, or at least are not misogynist or violent in any way - talk about love, relationships, etc in a respectful way. Can you make any suggestions? Thx!
posted by franklen on Jan 15, 2014 - 7 answers

You're in my blood like holy wine, you taste so bitter and so sweet

I can't seem to get over my ex and I'm worried that I never will. Is that possible? It feels like I'm grieving something heavier than the loss of a relationship. [more inside]
posted by caseofyou on Jan 5, 2014 - 30 answers

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