http://ask.metafilter.com/tags/Glueckschmerz Questions tagged with 'Glueckschmerz' at Ask MetaFilter. Sat, 15 Jul 2006 11:53:37 -0800 Sat, 15 Jul 2006 11:53:37 -0800 en-us http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss 60 http://ask.metafilter.com/41891/Glueckschmerz%2DHelp When someone else wins, I feel like a loser, even if I'm not involved. How can I stop feeling this way? When I hear of someone's success, I feel bad about myself. If someone else gets a new promotion, an award, an opportunity or something that they're happy about, my first feeling is that I have failed because I don't have that kind of success. Their happiness underscores my own failings and unhappiness. <br> <br> It's not exactly envy or jealousy, because sometimes it's something I don't even want, like a new job in a field I don't even work in. But I can't seem to stop comparing myself to other people, and when I hear someone else gets a step up, somehow I feel like I've been pushed down. I feel like if they win, I lose. I hate myself for failure; why don't _I_ have a brand new house, lots of fans, more money, more fame? Why does so-and-so get a movie contract, and not me? If it's just because 'life is unfair', well, that makes me feel bitter and bad, and if it's a case of "well, he's better than you are", that makes me feel worse, because I hate being the loser.<br> <br> Even when I do have my successes, I can't stop it; I think, "Well, I got a promotion, but Jim got a better one at his company" or, "I won an award, but Ted got the same award last year and he's ten years younger than I am". I feel like I'm always in competition with everyone and it's tearing me up inside.<br> <br> I know this is an "evil" way to feel. We are supposed to be happy when other people do well. We're supposed to say "good for you!" and never be envious or covet what others have. I hate myself for thinking like this, and in fact I'm so ashamed about it, I don't want to use my real name in this post. I know it's wrong, I want to stop, but I don't know how to stop. <br> <br> Can anyone give me some good advice, or reasoning, or point me to some books or help, about how I can stop feeling this way?<br> <br> You can email me at glueckschmerz@gmail.com tag:ask.metafilter.com,2006:site.41891 Sat, 15 Jul 2006 11:53:37 -0800 envy Glueckschmerz jealousy Anonymous