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Supporting a partner in an ongoing, arguably abusive relationship

Looking for resources for supporting a partner (and my own mental health) in an ongoing, possibly abusive relationship with a family member. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 26, 2013 - 8 answers

 

Help me identify a neighbourhood to stay in Manhattan for a vacation

My family is going on vacation to New York in june for 9 days. We want to find a nice apartment in airbnb, but we have no clue on what would be an appropiate neighbourhood. My parents are over 60, don't speak the language, and want to do all the tourist-y things, so location is very important. My brothers and I are laid back and want to enjoy city life so we are looking for a neighbourhood with interesting things to do. [more inside]
posted by valdesm on Feb 26, 2013 - 25 answers

Hoarders: Crazy cat lady edition!

Mom is a hoarder; house is making her sick. Adult children worried about her and grossed out. What can we do or say to her that might help? Snowflakes inside... Tl;dr: What, if anything, can be done or said to reign this situation in? [more inside]
posted by jrobin276 on Feb 25, 2013 - 19 answers

How to Anonymously Send Grandmother Money?

How to anonymously send my Grandmother money? I love my Grandmother to pieces. She's one of my favorite people. She's the most charismatic woman I've ever known.. she just has a way with people. I watch her engage others in awe; she can disarm an utterly rigid stranger in a few seconds by simply bestowing her beautiful aura upon them. Pathetically, people have taken advantage of her throughout her entire life. I won't go into details because it's irrelevant, but her story is a sad one. Anyway I'm an adult now and I'm making a good living. I want to help her out without her knowing it's me, and for the rest of her life. She would never accept financial assistance from me so I have to be stealthy. [more inside]
posted by OneHermit on Feb 23, 2013 - 17 answers

Help me sort out what I should say to my aunt -- family drama.

Background: When my father learned I was gay, he disowned me. Think radical old-world "you are dead to me." This was many years ago -- well over a decade. He was very serious and cut off all contact with me. Made it clear I was out of the will and all of that -- very dramatic. I did try to initiate contact a few times many years ago, but was rebuffed. This is not what my question is about though -- I am at peace with this. I know I am a worthwhile and lovable person and I have many people in my life who care about me/love me. I had therapy when all this happened and I really feel I dealt with the emotions then. I know I am lovable and valuable person. Also, my relatives on my late Mother's side -- who are also quite old-world -- surprised me with their acceptance... [more inside]
posted by Lescha on Feb 22, 2013 - 14 answers

Laid Off Spouse

My husband just got laid off from his position today. It's with a large company and he had excellent reviews but their revenue stream has not been up to par. They told him his position has been eliminated. However, he is welcome to reapply if and when blah, blah, blah... My concern is what is the right way to help him. He has never been laid off before and for the most part never thought this could happen. He is very optimistic by nature. He does seem a little shell shocked. My job is not going to be able to support our family. What are the first things we should do? I am also concerned about his mental well being and being a supportive partner while he looks for a new job. To make matters worse (or whatever) we have one in college, one applying to colleges, one getting ready to apply, and one freshman in high school.
posted by lasamana on Feb 22, 2013 - 25 answers

Dealing with family when someone is dying

It appears my Dad is in the process of dying - I'm mostly okay with that, but really struggling with the rest of my family. Could use some words of wisdom. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 12, 2013 - 21 answers

I do, he does: who marries us?

Please talk to me about your experiences with interfaith wedding ceremonies (specifically, Catholic/non-Catholic.) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 10, 2013 - 17 answers

Put my name on parent's bank account or power of attorney?

My father would like to add my name to his bank account in case of his medical emergency or death. I'd prefer to just take power of attorney as he has a lot of debt. Thoughts?
posted by jander03 on Feb 10, 2013 - 14 answers

What do you consider a healthy dynamic between parents and a grown son?

I know every family is different, however I'd like to know what people consider to be a healthy idynamic between a grown (41 years) adult living at home and their parents and what would be considered unhealthy. [more inside]
posted by Ranting Prophet of DOOM! on Feb 9, 2013 - 31 answers

I have no blood relatives

What do I need to do to feel connected to people who don't have any "obligation" to be in the world with me? [more inside]
posted by Vermillion on Feb 9, 2013 - 22 answers

Marriage on the rocks, but the rest of my life is a disaster too

My marriage is in bad shape and I feel a lot of anger and resentment toward my husband for his lack of initiative, follow-through, and logistical/emotional support within our household, especially during times of crisis. But right now I feel like I'm dealing with the mother of all crises, and on a practical level it would be folly to leave for at least a year, nor will I be in a position to focus on giving him one last honest shot at fixing things for months. What tools/attitudes/approaches can I adopt or employ to keep from making things worse and even more unsalveagable over the next few months? [more inside]
posted by SomeTrickPony on Feb 8, 2013 - 17 answers

My sister has a hobby my spouse finds offensive. How to set boundaries?

I need to set some boundaries with my spouse about my sister's new passion, which is something he finds offensive. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 6, 2013 - 55 answers

How to make an email survey to identify people in a photo?

I have a good scan of the group photo from my grandparents wedding. I know who several of the people are in the photo, and I know that all my grandmother's eight brothers are in the group, but I do not know which brother is which. My Dad has made his best guesses, but he's not sure about many of them. I have recently made contact with several second cousins in the family while doing my genealogical research, so I thought I could get each of them to give me their best guesses in some sort of online survey, and compile the answers to get a sort of family crowd-sourced opinion. But how best to do this? [more inside]
posted by Joh on Feb 3, 2013 - 8 answers

How to make happy time for my reproductive organs?

What can I do, as a mid-twenties female, to ensure my reproductive organs will be as healthy as possible by the time I want kids? There is also history of problems in my family. [more inside]
posted by ramenopres on Feb 3, 2013 - 19 answers

How to help a friend who suffers family criminal from her husband?

My friend is a very nice person and married to her husband three years ago. They got along well with each other. And then they had a baby two years ago. So this family looks like a happy family at first glance. But problem came gradually, when her husband beat her several times without reasons. They quarreled even with very tiny and trivial controversies, followed with beats. Then she tries not to quarrel with him or confront him, but the same happens. There were two times that she called police and he was forced to leave the family for a period of time. Now the same thing happen. As a friend, what kind of comforts and suggestions should I give my friend for her best interests?
posted by caladesi on Feb 2, 2013 - 19 answers

How Can Living in a Multiracial Household Affect an Adopted Child

I am of one race/ethnicity; my partner is of another. No kids. How will adopting a child from a third background impact him/her? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 30, 2013 - 22 answers

Best photo hosting for organizing and sharing privately?

I'm planning to scan a large number of old family photographs, with an eye to eventually creating family photobooks. I need a wide variety of my family members to be able to access these photos in order to comment on them, and tell me who is in them, when they are from, etc. [more inside]
posted by jacquilynne on Jan 30, 2013 - 6 answers

How do I tell my boss I can't make it to a work-related social event?

My weekend is overbooked to the tune of family vs. work. Help me figure out how to tell my very difficult boss about this the right way. [more inside]
posted by chatelaine on Jan 29, 2013 - 12 answers

How to arrange family vacation with adult siblings but without parents?

My sister (married, one child) and I (married, no kids) want to plan a joint family vacation. We do not want our parents (divorced, both remarried) to come. Our mom is extremely sensitive/dramatic, and we are hoping to avoid a major meltdown from her. Help? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 26, 2013 - 16 answers

Tax implications of being "bought out" of a percentage of a realty trust

My two sisters and I were equal beneficiaries in a realty trust. This past year, my older sister bought my 1/3 share (as well as that of my sister.) According to the legal documents, it was a "transfer of beneficial interest". Other than signing and notarizing the documents to transfer the real estate share, nothing else official occurred and my sister just paid us our fair share of the assessed market value. She is not planning on reporting the transaction. I have no idea if I owe taxes on the money I've received (and will also be receiving this year - it was divided into a few payments) and if so, what kind of tax that might be. [more inside]
posted by nekton on Jan 24, 2013 - 10 answers

Help me not ruin my sister's wedding.

My younger sister is getting married, and there are a million ways this could go wrong for me. Help me not ruin her wedding. [more inside]
posted by dekathelon on Jan 24, 2013 - 43 answers

I need a help with a vaca destination in Caribbean or Central America

I am planning a vacation and tortured by all the choices. I'm thinking of the Caribbean or Central America (but open to just about anyplace). I need help narrowing it down. The trip is for my husband, my 5 year old son and me. We'd be flying from Boston and going for a week. So much more inside... [more inside]
posted by beccaj on Jan 22, 2013 - 21 answers

PLS assuage my guilt about refusing to beat my head on a cold shoulde

My brother assumed the worst about why I didn't attend a family event out of town. He wouldn't return my calls or texts to just talk about it. Other members of the family insist I should keep trying to 'get through'. I feel like I never deserved his anger and I don't deserve his further disdain. Help me stop torturing myself about it. [more inside]
posted by Tandem Affinity on Jan 19, 2013 - 24 answers

Guess what normal is: household income edition

Were you in a single-income doctor's family in the US during the 1990s? Help me reconstruct what lifestyle and education my siblings and I might have enjoyed if my mother hadn't been a pathologically miserly narcissist. Many, many details inside. [more inside]
posted by stuck on an island on Jan 19, 2013 - 88 answers

Is moving out just an escape?

Is it better to approach family issues from within, or wait until you can gain an outside perspective? [more inside]
posted by cucumber patch on Jan 17, 2013 - 31 answers

What to do in case of 'helicopter parents'?

I am a young adult woman living in the home she grew up in, with parents and siblings. My parents are NOT abusive - they have always provided me with a place where I felt safe and cared for. But the way they relate to me now that I've gone to college and come back has not changed since I was several years younger, and I think it's affecting me negatively. I need to figure out what my action plan is for establishing my independence, both materially and emotionally. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 17, 2013 - 78 answers

How to let go of bad family relationships?

Asking for advice and book recommendations for letting go of bad family relationships. [more inside]
posted by yawper on Jan 17, 2013 - 5 answers

Help me fill in this vague recollection of a story I read?

Help me fill in this vague recollection of a story I read? I read it probably as recently as last year. I don't remember if it's a short story or an incident in a novel. [more inside]
posted by Infinity_8 on Jan 17, 2013 - 6 answers

Stay on target....stay on target

Looking for experiences related to reconnecting with estranged family for very limited purposes. [more inside]
posted by angrycat on Jan 16, 2013 - 5 answers

How to feel good about my financial independence?

This could come across as a stupid question to many people but I'd like to know how I can "feel & think better" about my financial independence from my partner. Sometimes I get a nagging feeling inside that I'd be a happier person if my partner just took care of everything and I didn't have to work so damn hard. I know I should embrace the fact that I have financial independence, am debt-free, good with money, savings and so on and feel good about being able to take care of myself. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 16, 2013 - 21 answers

What do you LOVE about being a parent?

I have a very easy time picturing the ways in which having children would negatively impact my life and career -- I can imagine the exhaustion and the chaos and the drudgery with crystal clarity -- but the good parts are much more hazy. What great stuff does your kids bring into your life? What do you love about having had a family? What makes all the difficulties and sacrifices worthwhile for you? [more inside]
posted by Narrative Priorities on Jan 15, 2013 - 87 answers

Which way past this impasse?

How do I reconcile my parents and my fiance? Should I even try? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 11, 2013 - 25 answers

Is my mother potentially complicit in fraud?

My generous, trusting mother was conned out of tens of thousands of dollars (gradually) by a good-for-nothing young cousin over the course of a few years. When my mother ran into financial trouble last year, she sought repayment of these "loans." The cousin insisted that she didn't have to pay back a cent and promptly disappeared. She reappeared last week with a very large check, written directly to my mother's bank, and written by some random guy. I'm worried that the cousin has simply conned somebody else ("please, my home is being foreclosed on, I really need this loan, you can even write it directly to the bank") to cover part of her debt. She isn't talking, and my trusting mother is angry that I'd suggest such a thing. (So a lawyer is out of the question.) Is my mother potentially complicit in fraud by depositing this check?
posted by anonymous on Jan 11, 2013 - 15 answers

Where can I find a good family tree template online?

I want to create a family tree that includes my grandparents, my parents and their siblings, and all their children (my cousins), and finally my siblings children. If possible I'd also like to include everyone's spouses as well. Ideally I want to be able to include photos, and contact information for each of them. I could certainly try to create this myself but realized someone else has probably done the same thing so I'm hoping I can spare myself the extra work. Can anyone help me with this request?
posted by Wanderer7 on Jan 9, 2013 - 3 answers

Disclose sibling graduate school attendance?

My sibling is at the same graduate school to which I'm applying (she PhD, me Master's for now). The application asks how I learned about the program. Mention the family connection? [more inside]
posted by c'mon sea legs on Jan 7, 2013 - 29 answers

I hate funerals

My grandfather's sister-in-law died and her funeral is this weekend. My family wants me to drive my grandfather down to the funeral. I would rather stick pins under my fingers. But I know I need to do this. Help me suck it up. [more inside]
posted by calcetina on Jan 2, 2013 - 57 answers

Help plan a 3 week Italy Trip

I need help planning a trip to Italy this summer/2013 with my daughter for her 14th birthday (golden). Would like to see parts of the south and North. I am a bit nervous about traveling alone. Looking for tips on two week itinery, lodging, family oriented plans. I would like to start in the south as my mother's family is from Montefaconi, Rome, and then north. I have considered a week long tour in the south and then traveling Rome and northern on our own. Would consider a homebase in the north for 4-5days but where to stay??
posted by snztt99 on Dec 28, 2012 - 12 answers

Living Like A King

I'm looking for information on the structure of life for members of the British Royal Family, particularly the lives of heirs to the throne: protocols, responsibilities, duties, etc. Do they have support staffs from childhood? Are they surrounded 24/7 by huge security details? Are there media consultants and imaging experts? Do they do their own grocery shopping? Do they have "days off" and what would that even mean in this context? [more inside]
posted by davidjmcgee on Dec 28, 2012 - 5 answers

How to motivate immigrant in-laws?

How do we help our non-English-speaking immigrant in-laws adapt to the United States, especially when their notions of respectability and gender roles seem to be holding them back? Details inside. [more inside]
posted by Clambone on Dec 27, 2012 - 30 answers

R is for... really cool gift that begins with R?

I need to buy a few small gifts that begin with the letter R for a family gift exchange. My budget is $20, the potential recipients range from an 18 year old college freshman to a 70 year old. [more inside]
posted by booksherpa on Dec 26, 2012 - 18 answers

Please evaluate my brother-in-law's plan?

Brother-in-law wants a loan to start a home-based business. Please evaluate if his plan seems profitable? [more inside]
posted by 99percentfake on Dec 26, 2012 - 35 answers

How can I support my husband while he sets boundaries with his family?

How do I best support my partner when he sets boundaries with his passive-aggressive family, particularly when the boundaries are about how they've been treating me? Wall of text, with bonus holiday drama, inside! [more inside]
posted by SeedStitch on Dec 26, 2012 - 38 answers

Should I bring up this family incident from the past that still upsets me?

Should I bring up this family incident from the past that still upsets me? [more inside]
posted by sunflower16 on Dec 25, 2012 - 32 answers

Feeling ignored by my loved ones.

How do I deal with feeling ignored? [more inside]
posted by Rosengeist on Dec 25, 2012 - 19 answers

Why does my grandmother treat me like a child? What do I have to do to be seen as an adult?

I'm 30 years old. I recently moved to the complete opposite coast of the country and have been living on my own successfully. [more inside]
posted by starpoint on Dec 25, 2012 - 50 answers

She doesn't want help, but I want to help her.

How to convince someone who may be schizophrenic to seek help? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 24, 2012 - 9 answers

A funeral with a crazy family estrangement scenario

How do I deal with my estranged brother at our grandmother's funeral? [more inside]
posted by Lulu's Pink Converse on Dec 23, 2012 - 16 answers

Help me deal with my sister's baby daddy's behavior.

I have a problem with my little sister's baby daddy. He's racist, bigoted, irresponsible, and I can see that he's a bad person for my sister and their child. It's driving me crazy, and being around him is breaking my heart. What can/should I do? Warning: some derogatory language within. [more inside]
posted by your mom's a sock puppet on Dec 22, 2012 - 47 answers

Cape Town Family Day Trips?

What are some great family day trips from Cape Town, South Africa? [more inside]
posted by fairmettle on Dec 22, 2012 - 6 answers

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