After seeing and reading about the death of parents, one of the biggest regrets seems to be not knowing them better. I have a cordial but distance relationship from my parents and while I don't ever see us being BFFs, I would like to know them better as people and their life. How do I do this, considering I live 6 states away? [more inside]
posted by lpcxa0
on Mar 26, 2014 -
How do I ask my aunt not to write about me in her blog (specifically wondering about wording), and how do I politely stick to my guns if she pushes back? Snowflakes after the fold. [more inside]
posted by horizonseeker
on Mar 17, 2014 -
(Or, How I Learned Not to Meddle With the Affairs of Others)
Someone is incredibly angry with another party, and you are caught in the middle. You may not know the entire picture, but you've seen enough to conclude that the Angry Person is letting his emotions get the best of him, even if he occasionally raises some good points. You have tried reasoning with Angry Person but he just dishes out comeback after comeback. You are exhausted with the drama and it seems like Angry Person has just begun gaining momentum. What do you do when reason fails?
Snowflakes inside. [more inside]
posted by bigasthesky
on Mar 7, 2014 -
After my grandma lost her shit with me last night, she's calmed down enough to admit to my father today that she feels like I can be really condescending sometimes. Eek. This is a piece that I want to work on improving, while I'm also learning to be much more on guard whenever I'm around my grandma. Can you help me be less of an annoyingly (unintentionally) condescending/smug person?
Ugh. The worst. [more inside]
posted by ohyouknow
on Feb 24, 2014 -
I have a friend (Steve) that seems to be unable to try and help himself get along in life when certain problems come up. He's mentioned more than a few times he's not happy where he's at and I've been trying to help when I can.
About a year ago when we first talked on this he brought up the matter of not having finished highschool cuasing the problem in a big way. I knew a thing or two about some free programs so I pointed him in the right direction and he took it upon himself to get on it, get it done and move forward.
Now since he got his GED back in fall, it seems like I and our small circle of friends are finding out a few other things that are causing this problem Steve's problem to come back with a vengeance. [snowflakes and the like ahead.] [more inside]
posted by ThrowbackDave
on Feb 23, 2014 -
When I got married I never changed my last name. We're pregnant now (yay!), and thinking the baby will have my last name. Dad will likely big picking kiddo up from daycare/school a lot and we'll be traveling internationally a lot (Oz-US). How big a deal is it if dad has a different surname? [more inside]
posted by jrobin276
on Jan 25, 2014 -
Problems with the SO, family acting irrationally and Career in a turbulent state. Help me find a way of dealing with the stress! [more inside]
posted by perspicaturous
on Jan 23, 2014 -
I come from an abusive family where illness was often used an an excuse to mistreat people. For example, my mother would emotionally abuse my father and I and then say it was because she was sick and that we had to learn to deal with it. My SO just moved from another city to be with me and two months in his mother is asking him to move back home for her hip replacement surgery "until she can drive." I am finding this very stressful. [more inside]
posted by ponytime
on Jan 6, 2014 -
This holiday season, I'm thinking about giving the gift of board games. Most of my friends (adults in their 30s - 50s) have little kids (2-6 years old). Do you have any board game recommendations for a family with kids around that age, that everyone can play together? Card games, or heck any other games are good, too. Thanks!
posted by lillygog
on Dec 16, 2013 -
Should we make plans to drive several hours and stay in a hotel, after flying across the country with our young kids (who'll be ages 6.5 and 4.5) next Spring, so that they can meet my husband's elderly relatives, with whom he has always had very good relationships... that is, until his octogenarian Grandmother said something to him over the phone that caused my husband to suddenly have a strong negative/ambivalent reaction to the whole idea? [more inside]
posted by hush
on Dec 16, 2013 -
Questions on Christmas Amtrak travel from NYC to D.C (how busy and what's the deal with luggage?) for a small family who has never traveled Amtrak before. [more inside]
posted by inflatablekiwi
on Dec 2, 2013 -
I just received a probably inappropriate and drunken, certainly meddling message on FB from someone I don't know, but who has connections to my family. [more inside]
posted by RedEmma
on Dec 2, 2013 -
What are some examples of works of fiction (e.g. novels, movies) that feature a Thanksgiving family gathering as a major plot element? [more inside]
posted by Asparagus
on Nov 30, 2013 -
How do you know when you've truly forgiven someone? How do you let go of old pain when you've long ago forgiven the person who caused it? Is it possible to truly forgive someone but still not want them in your life? [more inside]
posted by evil otto
on Nov 30, 2013 -
I'm spending New Year's in San Francisco so my partner and I can get married (no gay marriage allowed in Montana, so we're headed to the home state of both our families). We plan to be there with our parents and siblings for the event, but are not sure what to do with ourselves on the day of the 1st. [more inside]
posted by ikahime
on Nov 27, 2013 -
For reasons that were mutually beneficial at face value, I sold my car to my SO's parent. However, therein lies the problem.. any way to get myself in a better situation than the one I've inadvertently gotten myself into without realizing the full ramifications of my decision? [more inside]
posted by lunastellasol
on Sep 5, 2013 -
I don't live at home anymore, as I studied abroad, but frequently come home during holidays.
During such return visit, and the ocassional visit by my family, I always get a good taste of my mother's uglier side.
I dont want to diagnose her myself, but can say that her bipolar and control freakish behaviour is affecting the whole family (my father and brother) for as long as I can remember. I would dare to even describe it as abusive; minor problems like a dirty plate forgotten on a kitchen counter can escalate into agressive full blown shout out, and in general there were moments where I really had to remind myself that, whoa, this is my mother. [more inside]
posted by ahtlast93
on Aug 31, 2013 -
My child is 7 and when he was younger, had no trouble smiling (or looking serious) for pictures. But now he gives a horrible grimace...thing. He's been at camp all summer and they take pictures of the kids and post them on Flickr. Paging through it is painful. Cute kid, cute kid...oh hey, my kid with a frightening stretched-face chimp-grimace and slitted eyes. Every fucking picture. It looks like a sneer. [more inside]
posted by emjaybee
on Aug 3, 2013 -
A family member I am very close to has been abusing laxatives, probably for a very long time (maybe a decade or even more, possibly to the point that it's a miracle she is still alive). She is now gravely ill. It's all very complicated, I'll try to hit the major points without being too lengthy. [more inside]
posted by upatree
on Jul 25, 2013 -
I'm going to Pascagoula this weekend to see some family. What are some interesting, 10-year-old-kid-friendly things to do there?
posted by jcatus
on Jul 19, 2013 -
What I want is an older sister /grandmother/ auntie type - someone wise I can write letters to from time to time, who will write me thoughtful letters back and offer suggestions and whatnot. A life coach? A counsellor (or therapist)? Does anyone offer this service? I would happily pay a reasonable fee. [more inside]
posted by jrobin276
on Jun 3, 2013 -
I lent my cousin a very special item. Now they won't give it back. Do I fight or retreat? [more inside]
posted by mumimor
on May 31, 2013 -
We're a family of four with two girls, ages 5 and almost 2. Need to keep grocery budget around 100/week. We like to buy organic fruits, veggies, and milk. How do you do it? Examples, lists, all helpful. [more inside]
posted by percor
on May 23, 2013 -
Looking for a hotel in the Washington DC area. There are, of course, a lot of special snowflake requirements. [more inside]
posted by Andrhia
on May 23, 2013 -
My brother left for Rome, Italy on Monday to do a summer job for a lab there and we (his friends and family) still haven't had any contact from him.
I'm worried that something might have happened to him and his wife and kids are worried sick. Is there any good routes to trying to find him in case he's been in an accident?
I don't have the name of the lab he's working for or I'd just call them :(
posted by Ikazuchi
on May 15, 2013 -
I've always wanted to learn about my family's history. I have an aunt who is nearing 75 and according to my father, she knows the most about my family. I was thinking of interviewing her this summer. [more inside]
posted by gemutlichkeit
on May 14, 2013 -
My sister with whom I have a strained relationship is having her baby shower on Sunday (yes, Mother's Day) for her baby due in July. I was not super-excited about going, and then my other sister called to say she's not going, and did I want to get together & do something. I do, but I don't know how to decline the invite from the other sister. [more inside]
posted by epersonae
on May 8, 2013 -
It's been a few months after my fiance proposed and he made plans to move in with me
and my 15-year-old son this summer.
As predicted, my son began acting up, basically in the form of talking back and being a little rude to me in front of the fiance, who comes here every weekend. It's important to note my son does not act this way when it's the 2 of us and I completely understand what's going on and we're talking to someone. [more inside]
posted by kinetic
on Apr 27, 2013 -
How do you explain to your mother-in-law that you don't want some of her family around? Trigger Warning: abuse. [more inside]
posted by msladygrey
on Apr 18, 2013 -
My wife's father (Caucasian American) spent five years teaching in Chad, Africa in the late 60's and early 70's. A few years ago he told my wife that while he was there he had a relationship with a woman and that after he left the village where he was living he heard that she had a child who "looked like him." My wife and I are thinking about traveling to Chad to see where her father lived and to possibly try and find this woman who would now be in her 40's. We have some limited information from him (names places etc.) Finding information about Chadian culture has been difficult and we want to be sure that there would be no negative consequences for this woman and her family if we went and tried to find her. We want to be as low-key as possible but it looks like most of the westerners who travel to this part of Africa use guides or tourist companies. We speak a little french but not much. Any info would be so much appreciated!
posted by bjharl
on Apr 9, 2013 -
My distant sibling, diagnosed with bipolar some time ago (I don't know any solid details, unfortunately), fell out of touch with me for years. Now he's back in touch, but mostly just to drop dramatic texts on me ("I'm at the hospital", or, tonight, "I'm with the police, I'll call you when I'm released") and then not answer my increasingly plaintive texts or phone calls.
I haven't been the prime target of this sort of thing before, what seems to be big swings of mental illness with the hospital and sheriffs and police involved, and the person involved giving me a bit of information but then nothing. Can anyone with more experience give me some advice as to ways I might handle it? [more inside]
posted by theatro
on Apr 7, 2013 -
I wrote this question about my Aunt
. As it turned out, I just wrote back a very polite reply -- "thank you for your good wishes" ...I was polite. I felt good about this. Thank you for all the helpful answers.
My Aunt wrote me again -- long story inside. Thank you for taking the time to read it. [more inside]
posted by Lescha
on Mar 26, 2013 -
Can signing an 'Authorization For Cremation' form somehow make me responsible for my deceased father's debt? [more inside]
posted by KevinSkomsvold
on Mar 25, 2013 -
My older brother (in his 50s) posted something on FB regarding the Steubenville rape case, which was: [more inside]
posted by HopperFan
on Mar 17, 2013 -
My baby brother moved to London yesterday and I'm sadder than sad. We're really close and he lived a couple of minutes from me so we hung out a lot. I'm going to miss him so much and it'll take me a while to accept that he's a flight away, and I can't just randomly drop in on him, hear his little hello, and settle down for a few hours of putting the world to rights. My usual way of dealing with sadness is not very productive - namely substances of varying degrees of legality, and chocolate. Help me make a list of positive things I can do to lift me out of the little pool of tears I'm in. He's left me one of his guitars - which was mine about 20 years ago - and I'm determined to learn it this time. Any other suggestions? Thanks.
posted by billiebee
on Mar 3, 2013 -
Background: When my father learned I was gay, he disowned me. Think radical old-world "you are dead to me." This was many years ago -- well over a decade. He was very serious and cut off all contact with me. Made it clear I was out of the will and all of that -- very dramatic. I did try to initiate contact a few times many years ago, but was rebuffed. This is not what my question is about though -- I am at peace with this. I know I am a worthwhile and lovable person and I have many people in my life who care about me/love me. I had therapy when all this happened and I really feel I dealt with the emotions then. I know I am lovable and valuable person. Also, my relatives on my late Mother's side -- who are also quite old-world -- surprised me with their acceptance... [more inside]
posted by Lescha
on Feb 22, 2013 -
My husband just got laid off from his position today. It's with a large company and he had excellent reviews but their revenue stream has not been up to par. They told him his position has been eliminated. However, he is welcome to reapply if and when blah, blah, blah... My concern is what is the right way to help him. He has never been laid off before and for the most part never thought this could happen. He is very optimistic by nature. He does seem a little shell shocked. My job is not going to be able to support our family. What are the first things we should do? I am also concerned about his mental well being and being a supportive partner while he looks for a new job. To make matters worse (or whatever) we have one in college, one applying to colleges, one getting ready to apply, and one freshman in high school.
posted by lasamana
on Feb 22, 2013 -
I know every family is different, however I'd like to know what people consider to be a healthy idynamic between a grown (41 years) adult living at home and their parents and what would be considered unhealthy. [more inside]
posted by Ranting Prophet of DOOM!
on Feb 9, 2013 -
I have a good scan of the group photo from my grandparents wedding. I know who several of the people are in the photo, and I know that all my grandmother's eight brothers are in the group, but I do not know which brother is which. My Dad has made his best guesses, but he's not sure about many of them. I have recently made contact with several second cousins in the family while doing my genealogical research, so I thought I could get each of them to give me their best guesses in some sort of online survey, and compile the answers to get a sort of family crowd-sourced opinion. But how best to do this? [more inside]
posted by Joh
on Feb 3, 2013 -
What can I do, as a mid-twenties female, to ensure my reproductive organs will be as healthy as possible by the time I want kids? There is also history of problems in my family. [more inside]
posted by ramenopres
on Feb 3, 2013 -
My friend is a very nice person and married to her husband three years ago. They got along well with each other. And then they had a baby two years ago. So this family looks like a happy family at first glance.
But problem came gradually, when her husband beat her several times without reasons. They quarreled even with very tiny and trivial controversies, followed with beats. Then she tries not to quarrel with him or confront him, but the same happens.
There were two times that she called police and he was forced to leave the family for a period of time. Now the same thing happen.
As a friend, what kind of comforts and suggestions should I give my friend for her best interests?
posted by caladesi
on Feb 2, 2013 -
My weekend is overbooked to the tune of family vs. work. Help me figure out how to tell my very difficult boss about this the right way. [more inside]
posted by chatelaine
on Jan 29, 2013 -
My two sisters and I were equal beneficiaries in a realty trust. This past year, my older sister bought my 1/3 share (as well as that of my sister.) According to the legal documents, it was a "transfer of beneficial interest". Other than signing and notarizing the documents to transfer the real estate share, nothing else official occurred and my sister just paid us our fair share of the assessed market value. She is not planning on reporting the transaction. I have no idea if I owe taxes on the money I've received (and will also be receiving this year - it was divided into a few payments) and if so, what kind of tax that might be. [more inside]
posted by nekton
on Jan 24, 2013 -
Brother-in-law wants a loan to start a home-based business. Please evaluate if his plan seems profitable? [more inside]
posted by 99percentfake
on Dec 26, 2012 -
A couple of weeks ago, I moved out of my marital home (details in my posting history). Whilst I seem to be doing okay, most people expect me to not be. In fact, they seem to expect a fragility and sadness from me that I'm not feeling even remotely. This has lead to some judgements from people that I could have done without.
How can I navigate the sympathy of folks during the holiday season without having to pretend to be an emotional mess (which I'm not) and without suffering judgement from people who don't know the whole story (Which I can happily live without). [more inside]
posted by six sided sock
on Dec 22, 2012 -
How do I deal with the stress and drama caused by my emotionally manipulative live-in sister? The emotional welfare of her two young children is also at stake. Special snowflake details inside. [more inside]
posted by BrianJ
on Dec 3, 2012 -